What a wonderful feeling when all the stars and the planets align and your prayers are answered! Your surrogate is pregnant and everything looks like it should! As a matter of fact she will soon be released to her own OB! Now what?
This is a question that hundreds of Intended Parents ask themselves every year. The focus thus far has been on just getting through the red tape! Finding, meeting, matching with your surrogate, medical and psychological tests and contracts, and, finally, the egg retrieval and embryo transfer! There had been so much to discuss, plan and hope for and now all of that is in the past. The future looks bright! But wait! Now what do we talk about during the remaining months of this miraculous pregnancy? How do we maintain a positive connection?
This is a critical time for all Intended Parents and their Surrogates. A time when you can all relax into this journey and plan for the future and also cement your relationship. Usually phone calls become a weekly habit with extra updates after OB appointments and ultrasound scans. If your surrogate lives far enough away from you where you can’t attend most of these appointments you might try e-mailing several times a week as well. As your surrogate progresses with the pregnancy she may be uncomfortable and even moody. Take this all in stride and perhaps offer to send a gift card to her favorite restaurant or encourage her to go out to dinner or take a prenatal exercise class. Knowing that her IPs care about her feelings and well being goes a long way in the relationship department.
Women who are surrogates are always taking care of someone else. Her own children for instance as well as carrying yours. Acknowledging her dedication once in a while with a card or letter really is appreciated. Remembering birthdays and anniversaries with flowers or a plant is a nice gesture as well.
As the pregnancy arrives into the later months, take the time to visit her and tour the hospital where your baby will be born with her. Talk about the preparations you are making and if you need advice you can ask your surrogate! After all she has had experience with newborns!
Most of all a great relationship with anyone is based on mutual respect and honesty. You and your surrogate can maintain a wonderful friendship even after the birth of your baby. Just know that this is a special time for everyone involved and keep the lines of communication open!