Surrogacy 101

Rejection: Why some women are unqualified to become surrogate mothers

     Rejection is a harsh word and a harsh reality. No one likes to be rejected especially when trying to help someone else. As painful as rejection can be, in the case of choosing the best candidates to become Surrogate Mothers or Gestational Carriers, it is a necessary evil for any professional in the ART (Assisted Reproductive Technology) feild.

     The reasons mostly found in the majority of women who did not qualify for a surrogacy program were emotional or mental issues. Some of these women were mostly "in it" for the money. Others seem immature, unstable or even irresponsible and dishonest. Some seemed like they might have issues giving up any baby that they carried for another couple. Others were already having issues with their own lives that would make it difficult to devote the time and energy to a surrogacy arrangement. Some examples of these situations were divorce, loss of a job, death in the family, or financial crisis. Lastly, some women may think that having a baby for another family would resolve a personal crisis that they have dealt with in their past such as putting their own baby up for adoption.

     The reason I am writing about this topic is that all surrogacy agencies have the responsibility to screen their applicants and it's really important that a psychologist or other mental health professional have a session or two with each candidate. If you have been rejected as a potential surrogate (or egg donor) candidate for an ART (Assisted Reproductive Technology) program that isn't to say at some point in the future, when your own personal issues have been resolved, that you can't apply again.

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.org

What not to say to your wife when she is pregnant....with another couple's baby...

.......And alternative suggestions

**When your wife, who is a surrogate mother, is praying to the porcelain god at 3 months pregnant you DON'T say..." You volunteered for this!"

Instead you could get her a glass of water, a wash clothe and a hug and say how lucky you are to have a woman so willing to give this much of herself to others...

**When your wife is huge and uncomfortable from carrying twins you DON'T say...."Remember, You are getting paid for this!!"

Instead acknowledge how fortunate those babies are to have her carry them with such love, care and sacrifice. (A foot rub will help as well!) Adding the reminder that after the babies are born, she can sleep through the night!

**When your wife is denying you the intimate part of your marital relationship (for what seems like months) you DON'T say..." Look what YOU ARE doing to ME!!"

Instead know that you can still be close and realize that this time of her pregnancy will go fast and she will appreciate you all the more for your understanding and support!

**When your wife is about to give birth and wants YOU by her side you DON'T say.."Why, they aren't my babies!!"

Instead understand that this is YOUR WIFE, YOUR Woman and that she needs you no matter whose babies she carries. You are a huge part of this surrogacy and why not share in the end result, seeing the Intended Parents dearest dreams come true!

I would love to hear your do's and don't and tips....e-mail me at SurroMatchFL@aol.com or leave a comment!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Happy Mother's Day:Arkansas Mom Pregnant With 18th Child

There's not a better way to celebrate mother's day then reading about another incredible mother...(better her then me!) ;-)

Happy Mother's Day!!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.org

By JILL ZEMAN,

AP

Posted: 2008-05-10 06:55:03

Filed Under: Nation News

LITTLE ROCK (May 9) - It's a Happy Mother's Day, indeed, for Michelle Duggar - she's pregnant with her 18th child, and says she has no plans to stop any time soon.

Photo Gallery

Beth Hall, AP

17 Kids...
And Counting

Seven daughters and 10 sons just wasn't enough for Arkansas couple Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar. Just in time for Mother's Day, the busy parents announced they're expecting their 18th child. Their oldest, Josh, is 20, and youngest, Jennifer, is 9 months old. Here, the family celebrates Jennifer's birth last August.

Duggar, 41, is due on New Year's Day, and the latest bundle of joy will join seven sisters and 10 brothers, including two sets of twins.

"We've had three in January, three in December. Those two months are a busy time for us," she said, laughing.

The Duggars' oldest child, Josh, is 20, and the youngest, Jennifer, is nine months old.

The fast-growing family lives in Tontitown in northwest Arkansas in a massive 7,000-square-foot home. All the children - whose names start with the letter J - are home-schooled.

Pregnancy is nothing new for Michelle Duggar - she's been pregnant for more than 11 years of her life, according to "fun facts," on the family's Discovery Health web page. The Duggars have been featured on several Discovery Health shows, and are in the process of filming another series.

The new show looks at life inside the Duggar home, where chores - or "jurisdictions" - are assigned to each child. One episode of the new show involves a "jurisdiction swap," where the boys do chores traditionally assigned to the girls, and vice versa, Duggar said.

"The girls swapped jurisdictions, changing tires, working in the garages, mowing the grass," she said. "The boys got to cook supper from start to finish, clean the bathrooms," among other chores.

Duggar said she's six weeks along and the pregnancy is going well. She and her husband, Jim Bob Duggar, said they'll keep having children as long as God wills it.

"The success in a family is first off, a love for God, and secondly, treating each other like you want to be treated," Jim Bob Duggar said. "Our goal is for each one of our children to be best friends, and everybody working together to serve each other makes that happen."

The other Duggar children, in between Joshua and Jennifer, are Jana, 18; John-David, 18; Jill, 16; Jessa, 15; Jinger, 14; Joseph, 13; Josiah, 11; Joy-Anna, 10; Jeremiah, 9; Jedidiah, 9; Jason, 7; James, 6; Justin, 5; Jackson, 3; and Johannah, 2.

Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. The information contained in the AP news report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press. All active hyperlinks have been inserted by AOL.

Asking a Family Member to be your Surrogate

I have been the "Surrogacy Expert" for iParenting for a few  years now so I thought I would post a Q&A here that I have been asked in the past.

	By Sharon LaMothe Surrogacy Expert

I would like to ask my sister to be a surrogate and carry a child for my partner and me. I can't seem to find the words to ask, and I have so much anxiety about actually asking her. Any words of advice?

      I can understand your anxiety regarding asking such a huge favor from someone who has the potential to be flattered or offended. Hopefully you have some idea of what your sister would say, as she is under consideration for a very important and significantly time-consuming project! I would like to know if she or the rest of your family or friends have any idea that you are looking for a surrogate. If not, then this might come as a complete surprise to her. If everyone does know, then maybe she hasn't come forward because she isn't interested or isn't aware that you would like her to be the one to assist you with making your dream family come true.

Before you outright ask her, make sure that she would, indeed, be a good candidate for surrogacy. Has she had any children of her own? What were her pregnancies like? Is she in the right age range (21 to 38) Is her BMI under 29.5, and is she in good health? Do you think her spouse will be supportive if she has one, and what kind of support will she have from the rest of your family?

If all these questions have positive answers for you, then I suggest that you set aside some quiet time and approach her with your question. Give her time to think about all the implications. Share with her your research and what types of things she can expect. Talk about the financial support you plan on giving her regarding the medical and legal aspect of surrogacy and anything else that you want to share with her.

Above all, make sure that she understands that you will not hold it against her if she chooses not to be your surrogate. Not everyone has the ability to give birth to another's child, and they know that fact deep in their heart. Once she gives you her answer, then you can move on with the next steps, whether they are finding another woman to assist you or starting the surrogacy journey with your sister!"

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Surrogate Dad's: To the men who support the Surrogate Mothers

     Ok ok...so maybe "Surrogate Dad" isn't the right title for the role of the man in the life of a woman who wants to be, (is, or was) a surrogate. BUT he plays an important, if not understated, role in the entire journey. From the start he must get his mind wrapped around the fact that HIS woman wants to carry another man's child. The same woman who may have stated "That's IT! We are NOT having any MORE KIDS!!" (this often happens when 2 kids under the age of 4 are hanging on her legs screaming for a snack and the one in her arms is spitting up formula) Once he understands that her statement perhaps meant that she doesn't want to raise any more kids but carrying one for 9 months is fine, then he may relax a little...until he finds out that HE needs to be psychologically tested...and tested for STD's (how long IS that cotton swap for a Chlamydia test?) AND sign a contract agreeing to all sorts of things that he wouldn't normally think about..(allowing IP's to put HIS partner on life support if necessary?) He may not realize that all though he agreed to support his wife/significant other in her quest to be a surrogate that HE may have to step in when the IP's call when she isn't feeling well, that HE will have to take care of their kids when she is on bed rest or at appointments, that HE will have to give multitude of shots loaded with hormones that turn HER into a Witch (whom he has to actually live with!), that HE will have to miss work when she is in the hospital, that HE will have to hold her when she is sick, tired, scared, crying, that he can't have any sexual intercourse (for HOW long??)...all because of this surrogacy that SHE wanted to do! Ahhh the unsung heroes! 

     Intended parents out there....Intended DAD's especially, should step up NOW and thank the God above for these men who are the main support of your wonderful surrogate mother. Without them, these surrogate mom's may end up on YOUR door step at 2 am for ice cream and pickles and a foot rub....or just to complain! 

     PS: I know and appreciate all of the significant others that single surrogate mothers rely on: Partners, mothers, fathers, girl friends, guy friends...all are so important to surround yourself with...but because I am married...I wanted to send a shout out to husbands and the men who actually LIVE with a surrogate and put up with all the BS...especially mine...Joe, You Are The Best!

Sharon
WWW.InfertilityAnswers.net

Old News? Great Lesson! Get a Signed Contract!

Although this news article is from February 4th, 2008 I wanted to share it with you if only for the one line that I have highlighted at the bottom of the page. I can NOT stress enough how important a good contract (signed) is and in order to have a good solid contract drawn up you need to have an attorney that has the know-how and knowledge to do just that.

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net 

Couple Fights For Surrogate Baby

OVIEDO, Fla. -- A Central Florida couple who lost a court battle to bring their surrogate baby home is considering another round in court.

Three-year-old TJ lives as the only child at the Lamitina home in Oviedo, but his parents remain determined to get his sister home.

Tom and Gwyn Lamitina plan to file a civil case in Seminole County Tuesday accusing the surrogate mother they hired, Stephanie Eckard, of fraud -- saying she produced a "litany of lies and dreadful acts of deceit."

They conceived using Tom's sperm and Eckard's egg. Then after the Lamitinas had their nursery ready, they said they learned Eckard lied about past pregnancies, her health and her lifestyle.

The relationship soured and the surrogate decided to keep the baby.

"She sued me for child support, health insurance and life insurance then turned around and didn't want me to see the child, so technically what I’m trying to be sued for is a sperm donor," Tom Lamitina said.

A Jacksonville judge ruled in October that Lamitina is only a sperm donor with no rights or responsibilities and no valid contract to get the baby.

"The whole time if felt like she planned this from the beginning," Gwyn Lamitina said.

"She could get her surrogacy money, get me to pay for all the medical then turn around and get me for child support," Tom Lamitina said.

The Lamitinas said they're filing this suit to punish the surrogate, stop this from happening to others, and to get TJ's little sister.

"What happens 18 years from now she comes and says, 'Dad, why didn't you fight for me? Didn't you love me?' I can't do that," Tom Lamitina said.

The surrogate's lawyer has said she's the biological mother, and legally it's her right to decide to keep the child.

The Lamitinas never got a signed copy of a contract, and they didn't involve lawyers, until it got ugly.

As part of this suit to be filed Tuesday, the Lamitinas are asking the surrogate to pay attorney fees, plus $10 million.

To comment on this story, send an e-mail to Sally Schulze.

Who Shot my Stork?

 

    This is an actual title of a blog! Not MY blog but a blog that makes me amazed at the creativity of other bloggers out there in Cyberville. I am kind of embarrassed that I could only come up with Surrogacy 101! But...it's simple and you don't have to guess what the topic is. ( I am trying to console myself here!)

    I have been spending some of my online time reading other peoples blogs...Intended Parents mostly...and although I have talked with, e-mailed, IM'ed, and met many IP's, reading their personal blogs are so much more intimate, for lack of a better description. Inner thoughts...fears...challenges and assumptions are all written about in a variety of different styles. Emotions that I only have experienced the fringes of through my journey of secondary infertility. (which might explain, to some, why I have a 9 1/2 year gap between my own children. Sometimes I am very flippant when people ask if I am on my 2nd marriage and I say No...we just like to grow our own babysitters) HA.

    If you are interested in seeing what others are writing about I suggest that you visit Mel's site: The Stirrup Queen's Completely Anal List of Blogs That Proves That She Really Missed Her Calling as a Personal Organizer . You can also find this link under my blogroll...which I just started. So if you would like to have your blog listed there as well, just send me the link!

Have a great day!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

   

   

Questions for Sharon LaMothe, Real-Life Baby Mama

Yesterday I participated in an interview with Cheryl Miller. I am posting the links here! Enjoy! Thank you Cheryl!!

Cheryl Miller

New Atlantis blogger

Cheryl Miller is a 2007 Phillips Foundation Journalism Fellow and the editor of Doublethink magazine. Her work has appeared in such publications as the Philadelphia Inquirer, Policy Review, Reason, and the Claremont Review of Books.

For The New Atlantis, she writes the blog “Conceptions” on assisted reproductive technologies. She can be reached at cmiller@thenewatlantis.com.

Part One: Choosing surrogacy, money matters, etc.

I'm pleased to introduce a new feature here at Conceptions: a monthly interview with someone from the ART world. I hope to get a variety of perspectives: doctors, attorneys specializing in reproductive law, agency owners, bioethicists, activists, would-be parents, and many more. If you're interested in participating, please drop me a line at cmiller [at] thenewatlantis [dot] com.

For our inaugural interview, we have Sharon LaMothe, a real-life "baby mama." Sharon is a two-time gestational surrogate, giving birth to twins each time in March 2000 and January 2005. She also runs her own surrogacy agency and is the proprietress of Infertility Answers, Inc. At her super-informative blog, Surrogacy 101, she dispenses advice to surrogates, donors, and would-be parents.

Interview edited and condensed by Cheryl Miller.

http://www.thenewatlantis.com/blog/conceptions/questions-for-sharon-lamothe-real-life-baby-mama (Part One) and http://www.thenewatlantis.com/blog/conceptions/questions-for-sharon-lamothe-real-life-baby-mama-2 (Part Two).

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net 

Keeping Track....

You are about to be overwhelmed. It's a guarantee if you are entering the IVF/Egg Donation/Surrogacy world. There are so many dates to keep track of and schedules to be aware of that it's often easy to become frustrated. Some examples of these upcoming events are: Initial appointment with the RE, appointments with the psychologist,  Ultra Sound appointments, schedule of injections, when to take what medication, continuing RE appointments, OB appointments etc. Now, most clinics will give you a calendar to follow and some require you to take notes or both. It's up to you to keep track. Here is a great website to help you do just that: Sandy — your free personal email assistant You can also set up reminders on this site and 'Sandy' will kindly help you remember. OR you can do it all the old fashion way, the paper calendar. As long as you have a system and good communication with everyone involved, you are on the right track.

Hope this helps!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

The Home Preganancy Test: Is it too soon to tell?

So you are 6 days post transfer and you just can't HELP it! You can't wait for your blood test in 6 more days and you've already ordered 20 Home Pregnancy Tests from a store on the Internet and it's killing you not to know...are you? Aren't you? If you get a positive on day 6 does that mean the two embryos might be twins? Or even triplets!!?? It has happened before! I found the HPT chart (below) just for you along with a few test taking tips!! You know I am sending you the most positive thoughts! ++++ GOOD LUCK GIRL!! (and to your IP's too!!)

Sensitivity Chart Pregnancy Test Brand	Sensitivity (or the hCG threshold at which a positive result is indicated). The lower the number, the higher the test sensitivity.
Early Pregnancy Tests.com # 1 Sensitivity	20 mIU/hCG (to purchase click here)
Answer Early Result Pregnancy Test	25 mIU/hCG
Confirm 1-Step	25 mIU/hCG
Equate	25 mIU/hCG
First Response Early Results Test	25 mIU/hCG
One Step Be Sure Pregnancy Test	25 mIU/hCG
Walgreen Digital	25 mIU/hCG
e.p.t. Home Pregnancy Test	40 mIU/hCG
e.p.t. Certainty Digital Test	40 mIU/hCG
Fact Plus Pregnancy Test	40 mIU/hCG
Clearblue Digital	50 mIU/hCG
Dollar Store Brand Pregnancy Test	50 mIU/hCG
Target Brand	50 mIU/hCG
WalMart Brand	50 mIU/hCG
Walgreens	100 mIU/hCG

When it comes to interpreting the tests, there are a few important keys to increasing accuracy and early-detection. These include:

1. Use first morning urine. Why? Because FMU will contain the highest amount of hCG. This means you can receive an accurate result sooner!

2. Hold your urine: If you need to test in the afternoon or evening, don't flush your body with liquids or urinate before testing. Hold your urine as long as (comfortably) possible. This way the hCG in the urine will not be diluted. This is a good alternative if you want to re-test or if you cannot use FMU.

3. Adhere to the test reaction time! If you go to Drugstore.com or any product review site, you will find many women complaining about false positive pregnancy tests. Actually, a false positive pregnancy test is quite rare. What may be happening here is that the test user is trying to read the test after the given reaction time specified by the manufacturer. The fact is, every test has a time interval that must be respected, typically between five and ten minutes. Any result determined after the reaction time should be disregarded or considered "invalid". Why? Two reasons. The first is that a test will become increasingly more sensitive over time and may indicate a very faint test line based on naturally levels of hCG (present in non-pregnant women and even men!). Second, sometimes the chemical composition of urine will cause a ghost line or evaporation line. Typically colorless, an evaporation line will only appear well after the given reaction time of the test. In other words, if you see an evaporation line, you should not be looking at the test anyway! In other words, if you see a ghost line, this is not a false positive, as the test reaction time has passed and the any result should be considered not valid.

A false negative pregnancy test is typically due to situations where the user is testing to early or there is not enough hCG in the urine sample. To avoid false negative results, observe tips one and two, and follow the testing guidelines of the manufacturer. There may also be instances where hCG levels differ among women. In other words, for women the rate of hCG production is slower, meaning that she may need to wait a few days longer before receiving a positive result. Also, implantation may occur later, which will also result in a bit of a delay in determining a positive result.

Pregnancy Tests - Test Strips Pregnancy Tests - Midstream Format Ovulation Tests - Test Strip Format Ovulation Tests - Midstream Format $0.92, 10/$8.50, 20/$16.00, 50/$36.50, 100/$65.00, 200/$100.00 $2.25, 10/$19.50, 20/$38.00, 50/$92.50, 100/$180.00 $1.10, 10/$10.60, 20/$18.00, 50/$30.00, 100/$55.00 $1.95, 10/$17.50, 20/$34.00, 50/$82.50

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

The 16 vaccine-preventable diseases

I am one of those mom's who believe's in getting every vaccine known to man so that my child won't suffer....however, my daughter Erika, recently pointed out as she was getting her last HPV shot, that she is SUFFERING NOW! (she hates shots) But I worry that later in life she might catch something and because I failed to ignore her cries and not protect her through vaccinations that she will suffer even a worse fate. I subscribe to Dr. Sears news letter and below is a list of the 12 routine childhood vaccines and I thought that I would share them with you.

Sharon

www.infertilityAnswers.net

The 12 routine childhood vaccines are designed to prevent, or decrease the risk of, 16 diseases. Some diseases are more common than others. Some are more serious than others. Certain diseases are more or less serious or common depending on a child’s age. Understanding these illnesses is in
important step in making an educated decision regarding your child’s vaccines. 

The Vaccine Book provides a detailed look at each disease and covers the following information:

• What each disease is and how it is transmitted
• How common, or rare, it is
• How serious, or mild, it is
• How it is prevented
• Whether or not it is treatable and what the expected treatment course would be
• How each disease affects children and adults differently at various ages
• Which diseases are most common and severe for infants
• Which ones are most severe for older children
• How to boost your child’s immune system to help prevent these diseases

Here is a very brief look at each of the vaccine-preventable diseases:

Haemophilus Influenza type B

This bacteria causes meningitis and bloodstream infections. It used to be extremely common, but is now very rare. Most cases are in infants or the elderly. It can be fatal.

Pneumococcal Disease

This bacteria causes meningitis, bloodstream infections, and pneumonia. It is still fairly common. Most cases are in infants or the elderly. It can be fatal.

Diphtheria

This bacteria causes a severe throat and upper lung infection. It can be fatal. It has been virtually eradicated from the U.S.

Tetanus

This bacteria causes weakness and paralysis when allowed to fester in a deep, dirty wound. It is fairly rare and occurs mainly in adults. It can be fatal.

Pertussis (whooping cough)

This bacteria causes severe coughing fits. Fatalities do occur, mainly in young infants. It is still a very common illness in the U.S.

Hepatitis B

This virus causes severe liver damage. It is a sexually transmitted disease, or contracted through other means of blood exposure. It is fairly common in adults, but very rare in infants and children. It can be fatal.

Rotavirus

This virus causes severe diarrhea, vomiting, and dehydration in infants. It is extremely common and can be fatal.

Polio

This virus causes muscle weakness and paralysis. It can be fatal. It has been eradicated from the U.S. and entire western hemisphere.

Measles

This virus causes fever and rash. It can damage internal organs but is rarely fatal. It is now fairly rare in the U.S.

Mumps

This virus causes fever and rash. It can damage internal organs but is rarely fatal. It is now fairly rare in the U.S., although a recent epidemic did sweep through the Midwest.

Rubella

This virus causes fever and rash. It is now extremely rare in the U.S. It can cause birth defects if a pregnant mom is exposed

Chickenpox

This virus causes fever and rash. It is still very common, but fatalities are very rare.

Hepatitis A

This virus causes a severe intestinal “flu” and mild liver damage in adults. It is very mild in young children, however. It is fairly common, but virtually never fatal.

Flu

This virus causes the classic “flu”. It is extremely common and causes come fatalities in infants and elderly.

Meningococcal Disease

This bacteria causes severe bloodstream infections and meningitis. It isn’t very common, but has a high fatality rate when it does strike.

Human Papillomavirus

This virus causes genital warts and cervical cancer. It is extremely common and is passed through sexual contact.

For a more detailed discussion on these vaccine-preventable diseases, see The Vaccine Book.

When can we CELEBRATE?!?!

     I know that my blogs have been jumping all over the place but honestly, when a topic hits, it hits hard! I might talk to an IP or an old friend or I may read someone's blog and say to myself I need to write about "that!" And so here I am writing about Celebrating....celebrating an egg retrieval gone GOOD...celebrating more then one embryo growing by leaps and bounds in that little petri dish...a successful transfer....a positive HPT....just celebrating.   

     But Wait!

     Surrogates, do you ever think how hard it actually is for Intended Parents to really celebrate? Most of the time these IP's have been through years of grief and struggle and during that time might have experienced periods where they did indeed celebrate the small milestones leading up to a full blown pregnancy only to be disappointed with a BFN (big fat negative) from the Beta (or HPT or the embryos died). How hard is that to take over and over and over again? And then they choose surrogacy and there is hope...but not celebration. At least not the type 'we' feel there should be. All that grief and struggle and sadness and failure turns into FEAR when they hear that there is a real pregnancy. The IP's live in the fear that somehow all of this new joy could be taken away in the blink of an eye. Because they have seen it happen before...to them and to others like them!

     Maybe we expect the celebration to start at some point during the pregnancy like at the 20 week mark or a month before the due date or even at the birth. I have heard surrogates wonder out loud where is the enthusiasm? Please give your IP's time. The joy will come, the celebration will last for the rest of their lives just as soon as they except the reality that THIS TIME 'it' worked! They really are parents!! And for now, let YOUR Joy shine through! (It's good for the baby!!)

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net