Surrogacy Agency Misconceptions: Why some women "Go Independent"

I have met literally hundreds of surrogate mothers, both traditional and gestational (although I readily admit that most were gestational). The women who tried to match themselves "independently" were the most interesting to talk with because they #1 had the most issues/problems #2 failed to actually complete a surrogacy and #3 some ended up going with an agency. Now I know of a very few who have had a great experience matching themselves and I was happy and relieved to hear that they had a great experience. However, more often then not, there wasn't a happy ending.

 

The question I had to women who want to be surrogates but don't want to go through an agency is WHY NOT? What is wrong with agencies? I know why some Intended Parents don't want to hire an agency and #1 is money but why do surrogates avoid agencies? Here are some of the top reasons women 'go independent':

 

#1    Potential Surrogates feel that they are saving potential IPs money

 

#2   Potential Surrogates can set their own base fee without an agency interfering and if the IP is 'saving money' (see #1) it can be given to the Independent surrogate

 

#3   Potential Surrogates don't have to go through the screening an agency requires. Examples:

        A    BMI higher then 30 would be "OK"

        B    Not parenting their own children would be "OK"

        C    On public assistance would be fine

        D    No Insurance is OK because they could be on public assistance    

        E    No Background Check because IP's don't want to spend the money

        F    No psychological evaluation unless required by the clinic

        G    Taking certain medications for anxiety for example might be acceptable

        H    Hazardous working conditions can be overlooked

        I    A 'retainer fee' can be requested

        J    If Traditional and in-home inseminations then No IQ testing, No STD testing, no waiting for sperm quarantine

 

#4    Going through an agency requires too much time and paperwork 

 

Are these REALLY the type of women that IP's want to carry their child? NO! But then again I don't think that Intended Parents who want to save time and money know what they are getting themselves into when they don't ask the right questions or require the most basic of background information.

 

Taking all of the above into consideration....who is really benefiting in an Independent situation?

Sharon LaMothe

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Comments

[Stephanie]

Hello Sharon.
I wanted to address some of your reasons a surrogate goes independent from a surrogate who has gone both indy and used an agency.

#1 Potential Surrogates feel that they are saving potential IPs money **I don't feel that I saved the intended parents any money on any of my fees. I am with an agency now and if my intended parents paid a fee that was their issue and had nothing to do with me. My indy journeys had the same compensation as my agency journey.

#2 Potential Surrogates can set their own base fee without an agency interfering and if the IP is 'saving money' (see #1) it can be given to the Independent surrogate **Again, nothing changed in my contract via indy or agency. I set my own fees and requirements.

#3 Potential Surrogates don't have to go through the screening an agency requires. Examples:
A BMI higher then 30 would be "OK" **Again..not true...with an agency and my BMI is higher.

C On public assistance would be fine **there is an agency in CA that asks surrogates to get onto Medicaid so you should fact check before posting this.
D No Insurance is OK because they could be on public assistance **See C above
E No Background Check because IP's don't want to spend the money **I am with an agency and didn't have a background check
F No psychological evaluation unless required by the clinic ** I wasn't required to have one for my agency but did have one for my idny matches.
G Taking certain medications for anxiety for example might be acceptable**Any IP that would accept this has their own issues.
H Hazardous working conditions can be overlooked **See letter G
I A 'retainer fee' can be requested ** Again with an agency and I had a retainer fee. I also had a monthly allowance that started with contract signing.
J If Traditional and in-home inseminations then No IQ testing, No STD testing, no waiting for sperm quarantine **This doesn't apply to me.

[angela]

I am very offended by the comment, "Are these REALLY the type of women that IP's want to carry their child? NO! But then again I don't think that Intended Parents who want to save time and money know what they are getting themselves into when they don't ask the right questions or require the most basic of background information. "

I am 28, happily married mother of 3. Currently going to school in the evenings in pursuit of my CNM. During the day I stay home with my children, and I am a registered child care provider as well. My BMI is 19.5 (healthy & active lifestyle) and am not on any form of public assistance. My husband is very supportive and has a career in law enforcement. We both went through all physical and mental testing, which we passed with flying colors. Anyway, what I am trying to say is that just because you may go independent, does not mean you would be a bad surrogate! I had several agencies and independent couple contact me in reagards to surrogacy, in the end, I chose one of the independent couples because I felt a close connection to them. I am very happy in the decision I made.

[Kymberli]

Hi, Sharon. I'm a GS who has delivered one surro-child, but I've been in a total of four independent surrogacy arrangements, to include the one I am currently in.

While the reasons you've presented for not working with an agency are valid for *some* independent surrogates, in my experience those aren't all, or even the main reasons why those of us who go indy choose to.

For me personally, there is a greater sense of control working independently. I am free to navigate the course of my journey without a third party providing me with a limited range of options. I don't have to wait for someone to get back to me or determine when prospective intended parents and I are "ready" to receive each other's contact information. I like the fact that I can set my own pace.

Not all surrogates who work independently are trying to cut corners. With all due respect, a heavy implication in your article is that independent surrogates are of lower quality than agency surrogates *and* that all agencies will guarantee working with a quality surrogate. This is not necessarily true. I've seen many agency arrangements, as well as indy arrangements not end well with both the surrogates and IPs feeling a bit underwhelmed with the journey.

The bottom line is that whether working independently or with an agency, both surrogates and intended parents need to follow their gut instincts about the people they choose to work with. I've seen many wonderful independent surrogacy arrangements, including each of my own. There are many merits to working with an agency just as there are many merits to working independently. The route that will be "of more benefit" to a surrogate or intended parent is really a matter of personality and individual fit, and I don't think going one route or the other is more "right" than the other. What matters is what's "right" for the individual.