Surrogacy tends to be a very one sided affair. Everyone is so ready to jump to the aide of the surrogate, like some fragile little fairy.
I hear so often "You are such an angel for what you do." While I appreciate the thought, Surrogacy would not be possible without the IP, the hope and trust they put into someone else to carry their dream. The crap some of them have to put up with, spoon feeding compliments and presents into their surrogate to make her feel accomplished and spoiled enough, really makes me sick."
My response to this? I understand that you may be talking to the FEW women out there who have the audacity to take the vulnerable Intended Parent for a ride however, you would rarely find that happening when an agency is used and protocol is followed for this very delicate process. Your statement makes it seem that the IPs are put on this planet to "allow" a woman to be a surrogate for them. Really? I think not. I think IPs would rather carry their own baby AND a woman inclined to be a surrogate would find some other outlet for her good deeds. As far as "spoon feeding compliments" and the like, people need to feel appreciated. Its all about the relationship and in ANY good relationship appreciation matters. You tell your daughter "great job helping your brother with his homework", your husband "thank you for taking out the trash", your mother "thanks for taking the kids for me tonight" and so on so why not a little acknowledgement for a job well done to a woman carrying a baby for 9 months for someone else? I also want to add that if a proper contract is in place, the relationship is on solid ground, and psychological evaluations were completed properly, there is no need for anyone to worry about "keeping the baby" which is very rare even if it is considered (by the surrogate).
I don't believe that surrogacy is a one-sided affair...it has many sides and many reasons for its existence and yes, sometimes there is drama but not over lack of compliments or gifts...it's all about respecting the relationship and that's what I teach my clients. No one needs to "suck it up". Where is the respect in that. Not just 'any woman' can be a surrogate just like not just any woman can be an egg donor. To even consider giving the gift of life to another couple through surrogacy is unique and takes a special person, supported by her special family to even consider such a gesture. And Intended Parents appreciate that fact. Without these women...there would be no surrogacy. Without Intended Parents there would be no NEED for surrogacy. THAT is the difference!
This is what I truly believe. That the need for Surrogacy came first and then a woman stepped up to the plate for that couple and said "I will carry your baby for you". 'SC' goes onto say that surrogates should feel thankful and blessed that they were chosen at all. That the Intended Parents are giving the honor for carrying a baby for them. Other comments included that surrogates shouldn't even be paid. One intended father actually called surrogates whores and bitches. (I am sorry for the profanity folks but it's a fact and his posts were removed after some very outraged surrogates replied) All because money was involved and I am sure his personal experiences.
I would like to point out that this discussion mostly centered around anti-agency people although there were some very good points made by those who supported surrogacy agency's in general. But I think that one of the roles of a surrogacy agency is to define the expectations of all parties before, during and after the pregnancy. Sure some things can and do change, but having a third party in the mix can be a huge help.
