Surrogacy 101

Kids and Surrogacy, What Do They Need to Know?

It's very important to talk to kids about surrogacy, whether it's as a surrogate mother or an intended parent, all children need to know the who, what, when and whys of surrogacy!  IP's may have a child of their own and wonder how to explain that another baby will be joining their family but Mom will not be pregnant.They may be looking ahead into the future and think about the day that they, the IP's, will talk to their child about how they came into this world and their own family. I will address this in a future blog with examples of how other IP's have approached this difficult topic.

 

For now, as a mother and a potential carrier, it's important that everyone is on-board in your household regarding your surrogacy. You may have children who are too young to even understand what a pregnancy is...a 2 or 3 year old may just need to know the bare minimum....and except it as the norm. I know that my daughter at age 3 would go around telling anyone who would listen that her mommy was carrying a baby for Ms. K and it wasn't ours! This made an interesting conversation in the Sears check out line! Honestly, it's the older children most affected. Their pregnant mother will be exposed to their friends, neighbors, teachers, church family and cub/girl scout leaders! Pregnant and not with a baby that belongs to Dad! With no intentions of bringing it home from the hospital! Ask your 8 year old to explain THAT situation! or your 13 or 17 year old for that matter!

 

When I approached my teenager about being a surrogate for others,  I had some explaining to do regarding HOW I was going to get pregnant with another couple's baby in the first place. I first told him about the couple and the circumstances. Then I explained the medical procedure in layman's terms. (Which is all I knew at the time) I used the analogy of donating my body to carry a baby for 9 months and then getting my body back. He really was very supportive and as long as he wasn't getting another sibling, he was quite happy! (needless to say that he had his hands full already with his own little sister! ) I think that for the most part, children are very giving and understanding regarding surrogacy. They think 'why wouldn't everyone want to have a baby/kid/child because look at how happy I make MY OWN PARENTS!'

 

Many surrogates, including me, have said to their younger kids 'MS. ___'s tummy is broken and so she needs me to carry her baby for her and then I will give this baby to her/his parents in the hospital'. Very simple and to the point. There may be follow up questions but nothing that you can't handle. There are several books out there as well for younger children. One of those books I wrote called Surrogacy Helps Make a Family Grow! which will help your child understand the surrogacy concept, and give the tools on how to explain what you are doing, to his/her own friends. Just remember to be consistent throughout your pregnancy stating to your children often that this baby is NOT yours, not a member of your family, how happy and excited the IP's are and the fact that he/she will NOT be living in your home after it's born.

 

The most important thing is to make your surrogacy a family event! Be PROUD because you are giving a gift that will keep on giving forever....and your family will be your support, your foundation, your strength as you go through a pregnancy for another couple, helping them to realize their own goals...to have a family just like YOURS!

 

On a side note, a great agency will also help you through the surrogacy process and also be supportive and have invaluable information and guidance throughout! Family Inceptions is just one of those agencies and I invite you to contact us for more information on how you can give a gift that will forever change lives! 

Sharon LaMothe Announces Partnership with Family Inceptions International

 

I have some exciting news, in case you didn't see it on Face Book! Eloise Drane and I are going to be partners at Family Inceptions https://www.familyinceptions.com. (The website will reflect this partnership in the upcoming weeks.) For 10 years Family Inceptions (located in Atlanta, GA) has been helping surrogates, donors, and intended parents nationally and internationally with a high degree of ethical care to one and all. Eloise and I have also worked together on a number of projects since she started her agency in 2008! I have been her mentor all these years and she has also taught me new business concepts along the way. I felt this was a perfect partnership for both of us especially now that Washington State is opening its doors to compensated surrogacy in 2019.

My LaMothe Services. LLC business will remain open and running as both Eloise and I believe that it's important to help others in our field to be the best they can be. This includes social media, new agency education, website content and mentoring/coaching existing agency owners and staff. I will not be recruiting surrogates, however, or assisting new agencies in WA state or GA.

LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting will be shutting it's doors and merging with the Family Inceptions Educational Program that is already offered to Surrogates, Donors and Intended Parents that with to work with us building families. All of this takes time, of course! 

We are looking forward to answering any questions you may have and you can contact me directly! 

Thank you, faithful readers, for your support!

Happy May!
Sharon

 

 

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National Infertility Awareness Week: My Turn To #Flipthescript and #Talkabouttrying

In the interest of National Infertility Awareness Week I thought I would take the time to share my story of personal struggle becoming pregnant with my second child. Secondary infertility is no joke and when you had no troubles becoming pregnant with your first (wanted but not planned) you go into that phase of adding onto your family thinking that it will be as easy as stopping your birth control pill. Not so, at least not for me!

My son was 3 in 1989 when my husband and I decided to add a number two in the child category of our family of four. I say family of four because we had my elderly grandmother living with us at the time. (She was in our care from age 89 to age 100 but that is another story.)

 

When I didn't get pregnant as planned that first year of trying, I decided to ask my OBGYN about my options. (Notice I say "my" options because my husband was never involved! No one asked him to come to an appointment nor was his sperm tested....it was decided that it must be a problem with me!) She told me not to worry and gave me a couple of prescriptions including clomid. Needless to say to those of you who have taken clomid, life's a bitch and I was the biggest one in my house! It did nothing good for my attitude nor for getting me pregnant. Taking my basal body temperature Every Single Day on top of it all just made matters worse and me sinking further into a funk.

 

I finally gave up on that avenue of procreation. My OB said that I could go to a fertility clinic but that would have cost money we didn't have and, honestly, I now had my hands full with a 4 year old and a 94 year old! I stopped everything and simply lived my life with flashes of what might have been while I taking care of my friends children on occasion. My in-laws often asked when we were going to give our son a brother or sister until one day I just snapped and told them that no other siblings were on the way and to please stop asking! (I think that is the polite version of my reply.)

 

Fast forward to 1995 when on vacation in Las Vegas/ CA/ Grand Canyon with my in-laws, their friends and our son. My husband, son and I rented a car and broke away from our main group to visit California and I started to get sick. Really ill and miserable, I made noises about finding a clinic to give me something, anything, so I could finish our trip. My husband insisted that I must be pregnant and he and my then soon to be 9 year old went to the nearest drug store to buy a pregnancy test. (and a rose and some chocolate and a blueberry muffin...) It had been a LONG while since I had taken a home pregnancy test and, certain I was NOT pregnant, that this was all food poising! I had my son read the box while I went into the bathroom to pee on the stick. When I came out wondering what I was supposed to look for (no easy + sign or spelled out results like it is now) my son looked at the test and then fell off his bed dramatically, like a teenager who just realized his girlfriend was pregnant! "You ARE pregnant, MOM" he shouted! And then, "You didn't 'you know'!!??" worried that his father and I had had sex while he was in the same room on our vacation. I was in shock and my husband was smug and I couldn't even think how in the world this could have happened.

 

We welcomed our daughter in 1996, a few months less than 10 years between our two kids. No miscarriages, or stillbirths but the haunting monthly (or bi-monthly or quarterly)  proof that I had failed to provide a sibling for our son slowly diminished as I threw myself into caring for our family of 5 (my grandmother passed away in 1999).

 

After my daughter was born I did feel a connection to those who couldn't have children at all or struggled with secondary infertility. Which was why, I think, volunteering (after a medical exam and discussion) to be a gestational surrogate for friends of ours in Florida, (who struggled having their first and wanted a sibling), was not such a shock for my husband. We both knew just how that felt. Long story short, I was able to be a surrogate twice and that changed my life forever. From secondary infertility survivor to gestational carrier to working with a third party reproductive attorney to agency owner to consultant, I have been able to touch so many lives and share my story with hundreds of hopeful intended parents and surrogates over the past 20 years. 

 

National Infertility Awareness Week is a time for me to reflect on why I do what I do and to come out and #flipthescript and #talkabouttrying. 

Let's all come together, not just for NIAW but everyday and talk about these issues. You are not alone and neither am I! Let's not have one more person feel segregated and misunderstood. We all have important stories to share. Thank you for reading mine!

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Surrogacy in Washington State; Are YOU Interested in Changing Lives?

Surrogacy in Washington State; Are YOU Interested in Changing Lives?

Did you hear that the governor of Washington State has signed a NEW bill into law regarding compensated surrogacy? Starting January 1st 2019 women in Washington, who desire to help someone by carrying a baby for them, can do just that and be compensated for their time and dedication. Being a surrogate isn't an easy job, as you might remember from your own pregnancies, but it is rewarding and guaranteed to be a life changing experience. There are many issues to consider with surrogacy. If you are interested in speaking with me about all that surrogacy involves, I would be more than happy to answer your questions. I was a gestational surrogate twice, giving birth to two sets of twins for two different couples! I enjoy sharing my own experiences plus what I have learned throughout the past 20 years of being a consultant! You can email me at LaMotheServices@aol.com. Most requirements for a woman to be qualified to act as a gestational surrogate are based on the expectations of doctors and clinics and the laws that are in place (that vary state to state in some cases). Agency’s also have their own list of what their clients are looking for in a surrogate. If you feel that you have the qualities listed below, I would love to talk with you about what your next steps might involve!  

• Must be a resident of a surrogacy friendly state (WA 2019!!)
• Between the ages of 21 and 40
• Uncomplicated Pregnancy/Birth at least once* (no more than 2 C-sections)
• Healthy (no STD's, HIV, *some medications ok)
• Parenting own child/children
• No criminal history
• Health Insurance with maternity coverage* (If you don't have this, the Intended Parents will provide for you)
• A stable income
• Reliable transportation
• No Medicaid/State Insurance*
• A non-smoker/not exposed to smoke OR non-marijuana (cannabis) user and no vaping
• No history of drug or alcohol problems
• Have a spouse, significant other or another support system who’s supportive of the decision to become a Surrogate Mother
• Have a healthy weight/height ratio* (BMI)
• Loves being pregnant and have the desire to give the miracle of life  

• case by case

I look forward to hearing from you soon!

This call is FREE OF CHARGE for those women considering surrogacy and just want some answers!

Sharon LaMothe 

LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting
http://LaMotheSurrogacyConsulting.com 

Issaquah, WA 98027

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Update on the Washington State Uniform Parentage Bill on Compensated Surrogacy Arrangements- SB6037

SB6037 has now been heard in the WA House and will be voted on next week with no real wrinkles that I am aware of. With the testimony of Jennifer Tammen (Former IP), Jon Tammen (17 year old son born via surrogacy in CA) and Melissa Flaherty (The wonderful CA Gestational Carrier for the Tammen's who has now testified twice this year in favor of our surrogacy bill), are among the many who have offered both the senate and the house their support of SB6037 and have encouraged the members to think of those suffering from infertility here in WA state and how much of an emotional and financial burden it is to be so far apart during the surrogacy process. 

Jon Tammen and Melissa Flaherty in Olympia 2018

Below is the Brief Summary of Engrossed Substitute Bill. I will be sure to post more about Bill SB6037 as it goes for a vote next week!

Surrogacy Agreements.
New provisions are established governing both gestational surrogacy agreements and genetic
surrogacy agreements. A gestational surrogate is a woman who agrees to become pregnant
through assisted reproduction using gametes that are not her own, while a genetic surrogate is a
woman who agrees to become pregnant through assisted reproduction using her own gamete.

In order to act as a surrogate, a woman must:
*be at least 21 years of age;
*have previously given birth to at least one child but not enter into more than two
surrogacy agreements that result in the birth of a child;
*complete a medical evaluation and mental health consultation; and
*have independent legal representation of her choice throughout the surrogacy
arrangement.

Each intended parent under a surrogacy agreement must be at least 21 years of age, complete a
medical evaluation and mental health consultation, and have independent legal representation
throughout the surrogacy arrangement.

House Bill Analysis - 5 - ESSB 6037
A surrogacy agreement must comply with the following requirements:
*at least one party must be a resident of the state, or at least one medical evaluation or
procedure or mental health consultation must occur in the state;
*the agreement must be in a record, signed by each party, and attested by a notarial officer
or witnessed;
*counsel for the woman acting as a surrogate and the intended parent or parents must be
identified in the surrogacy agreement;
*the intended parents must pay for legal representation for the woman acting as a
surrogate; and
*the agreement must be executed before the occurrence of a medical procedure related to
the agreement.

 

A surrogacy agreement must also comply with other requirements, including that: each intended
parent immediately upon birth will be the parents of the child and assume financial responsibility
for the child, regardless of the number of children born or the gender or mental or physical
condition of each child; and the woman acting as a surrogate must be permitted to make all
health and welfare decisions regarding herself and the pregnancy. A surrogacy agreement may
provide for payment of consideration, reasonable expenses, and reimbursement of expenses if the
agreement is terminated.

Genetic surrogacy agreements must be validated by the superior court in a proceeding
commenced before the assisted reproduction. A party may terminate a surrogacy agreement at
any time before a gamete or embryo transfer. Under a genetic surrogacy agreement, the woman
acting as a surrogate may withdraw consent to the agreement at any time before 48 hours after
the birth of the child by providing each intended parent with notice. A woman acting as a
surrogate is not liable for a penalty or liquidated damages for terminating the agreement except
in a case involving fraud.

Upon birth of a child under a gestational surrogacy agreement, each intended parent is by
operation of law a parent of the child and neither the woman acting as a surrogate nor her spouse
or former spouse is a parent of the child. Each intended parent under a court-validated genetic
surrogacy agreement is a parent of a child conceived under the agreement.

Where an intended parent dies before the gamete or embryo transfer, the intended parent is not a
parent of the child unless the agreement provides otherwise and the transfer occurs not later than
36 months after the death of the intended parent or the birth occurs not later than 45 months after
the death of the intended parent.

A party may institute a proceeding for an order or judgment regarding parentage under a
surrogacy agreement. Provisions are established governing the effect and enforceability of
surrogacy agreements, including the effect of nonvalidated genetic surrogacy agreements and
remedies available for breach of an agreement. Unless otherwise ordered by a court, a petition
and other documents related to a surrogacy agreement are not open to inspection except by the
parties to the proceeding, a child conceived by assisted reproduction under the agreement, their
attorneys, and the State Registrar for Vital Statistics.

Information About Donor. More specific standards are established regarding the requirement for
a gamete bank or fertility clinic to collect and maintain records of a donor's identifying
House Bill Analysis - 6 - ESSB 6037

Information and medical history. A gamete bank or fertility clinic must obtain a declaration from
the donor regarding whether or not the donor agrees to disclose the donor's identity to a child
conceived with the donor's gametes once the child turns 18 years of age. Upon request, a gamete
bank or fertility clinic must make a good faith effort to provide a child conceived by assisted
reproduction access to nonidentifying medical history of the donor and identifying information
of the donor unless the donor signed a declaration stating that the donor does not agree to
disclosure of identifying information.

Other Provisions. The act applies to a pending proceeding to adjudicate parentage commenced
before the effective date of the act for an issue on which a judgment has not been entered.
Regulations are established governing a surrogacy broker that arranges or facilitates surrogacy
transactions if: the surrogacy broker does business in Washington; a surrogate who is a party to a
surrogacy agreement resides in Washington during the term of the agreement; or any medical
procedures under the agreement are performed in Washington.

Appropriation: None.
Fiscal Note: Requested on February 14, 2018.
Effective Date: The bill takes effect on January 1, 2019. 

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WA State and the Uniform Parentage Act Bill 6037 Will Change the Lives of Many!

I traveled to Olympia yesterday to support the new SB 6037 Uniform Parentage Action Bill.  I was told that within the next week or so we will know if it moves on. There are several parts to this bill but the biggest hitch is the surrogacy portion. Most of us feel that this will be the best law regarding surrogacy in the USA. I invite you all to read it yourself and comment here, PM me on Facebook or email me as I would love to hear your thoughts. NEW SECTION. Sec. 702. ELIGIBILITY TO ENTER GESTATIONAL OR GENETIC SURROGACY AGREEMENT. http://lawfilesext.leg.wa.gov/.../Senate%20Bills/6037.pdf 
I hope to be testifying when the bill reaches the House. I will keep you all posted. This will mean some big changes for WA state! The entire state would be open to new possibilities in the realm of Third Party Family Building!

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#SurrogacyMyth: You can't become a Gestational Surrogate if your tubes are tied

Many women have said “I would love to be a surrogate but I have had my tubes tied.” They are very surprised to learn that, indeed, a tubal ligation will not prevent them from helping a couple become a family!

A tubal ligation is a permanent form of birth control, true.  After this procedure has been performed, an egg cannot move from the ovary through the tubes (a woman has two Fallopian tubes), and eventually to the uterus. Also, sperm cannot reach the egg in the Fallopian tube after ovulation (release of an egg from the ovary.) To become a Gestational Carrier, where you are not using your own eggs or tubes and therefore a woman can become a surrogate even if her tubes have been tied. (You cannot become a traditional surrogate where you would be using your own eggs.)

If this is the only thing holding you back from becoming a surrogate, I suggest that you find an agency and see what else you need to do to qualify as a gestational carrier. You will be glad you did!

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#SurrogacyMyth: It doesn't matter how over weight you are, you can still be a surrogate mother/gestational carrier

I cannot express how much it pains me to tell someone with a BMI of 36 that she is not qualified to become a surrogate mother especially when she is qualified in every other way! I know agency owners feel the same way. Many times, a wonderful woman, mother of 4, loves being pregnant, mid 30s, responsible and caring, no medical issues other than she is overweight is rejected because she needs to lose 30 lbs. Who made up these “rules”? The Reproductive Endocrinologist and the findings within the fertility community! And why, you ask? Because, for Intended Parents, surrogacy is their last best shot at having a family of their own and statics show that overweight people often don’t do as well via IVF as women within the normal range.

A high BMI indicates obesity:

A standard medical definition of "normal" body weight is a BMI of about 18.5 - 24.9

A BMI under 18.5 indicates that the person is "underweight"

A BMI of 25.0 - 29.9 indicates that the individual is "overweight", but not obese

A BMI over 30 indicates obesity

A BMI over 40 indicates extreme obesity

Obesity is associated with increased risk for several serious disease processes and that isn’t good for the surrogate or the baby she is carrying. The suggestion I often give out to women in the mid 30 BMI range is to start changing their eating profile and make some lifestyle changes. I hate saying “diet” because this weight has to stay off and healthy choices have to be maintained throughout the pregnancy. Give yourself 3-6 months to lose the weight and then try applying again to the agency of your choice.

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#SurrogacyMyth: You can be a surrogate even if you have never been pregnant

I have heard women say “Since I don’t want children of my own, I would be the perfect surrogate” or "I don’t want my own baby but I do want to experience pregnancy” or “I know I want children later but I want to be a surrogate now”. To all these women, if I feel they would be qualified, I say “What about egg donation because you are not qualified to be a surrogate”. Many sighs of disappointment and questions of “why not”? (Are you digging the quotes?)

Here are the main reasons that someone who has never had a baby should not be a surrogate:

*There is no previous experience with pregnancy and birth. No one knows what complications this body may have.

*Not sure if there would be any fertility issues

*No personal knowledge of the discomforts of pregnancy

*No personal knowledge of the pain of the birthing process

*Possible emotional issues through out

I have heard of surrogates without previous pregnancy experience be successful but that is almost always for a family member. Some clinics or doctors will make an exception in these cases. Again I remind my readers that the surrogacy process is costly with the Intended Parents investing thousands and thousands of dollars and having someone that has proven that she can carry and give birth to at least one healthy baby is an important part of the process.

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#SurrogacyMyth: Intended Parents have no right to know their surrogate's medical history

 

Once all parties make the beginning steps toward becoming part of a surrogacy arrangement, separately or together, all of past medical issues will be revealed. (At least the ones that have to do with pregnancy, fertility, any transmitted diseases, depression etc.) Everyone has to sign medical waivers and the surrogate will know the back ground of the IPs just as the IPs will know the medical background of their surrogate. The RE/clinic will also have records pertaining to past pregnancies of the surrogate or IVF cycles involving the Intended Parents. Nothing can be secret or sacred when the health of the surrogate is at stake or the best chances for the embryo. If you have something to hide then surrogacy in the USA is not for you.

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#SurrogacyMyth: 2nd hand cigarette or pot smoke is not a concern during a surrogacy pregnancy

This is a total myth as everyone knows how dangerous second-hand smoke is to pregnant women as well as other adults and children. If you are exposed to second-hand smoke during pregnancy, both you and your baby are put at risk. Some of the health conditions associated with being exposed to second-hand smoke are a miscarriage, low birth weight, early birth, learning or behavioral deficiencies in your child, and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Third-hand smoke is the residue left behind by cigarettes on furniture, in rugs, in paint, etc.  Third-hand smoke can stick around for months or years. If a place smells like smoke, even if no one is currently smoking, it is a safe bet there is tobacco residue there. You can read more about second and third hand smoke and pregnancy here: http://americanpregnancy.org/pregnancy-complications/second-hand-smoke-and-pregnancy/

All Surrogacy agreements have a non-smoking clause or at the very least a clause that states the surrogate will follow OBGYN’s orders/guidelines and in those orders is to not expose yourself to smoke or pollution of any kind (within reason) besides cigarette and marijuana smoke there are the chemical fumes from mani and pedicures, some hair dyes, and gasoline fumes to name a few sources.

Some women who want to become surrogates have partners or husbands who smoke. Even if they state they will only smoke outside the home, there is still that chance of 3^rd hand smoke in the car and on clothing. The best bet is to have everyone in the home to be non-smokers.

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#SurrogacyMyth: If a woman has been pregnant in the past year or so, she shouldn't need a maternity clothing allowance

Ahhhh the Maternity Clothing Allowance, a topic of many a conversation. Most surrogacy arrangements have an amount of $750-$1000.00 earmarked for maternity clothing. In the case of twins, a surrogate may use that money around the 10^th week of pregnancy and for a singleton she may use it at around 12-14 weeks. Nothing stops anyone from buying clothing earlier from what the agreement states but the surrogate will not be reimbursed until the time agreed.

Some intended parents might ask a surrogate why she would need new maternity clothing especially if she had a baby within the past 2 years. Here are just a few reasons:

*She gave all of her maternity clothing away not thinking that she might need them again

*She had her last baby in the winter and will need a wardrobe for an entirely different season(s)

*She has a “professional” career and needs to update her wardrobe

*She has a job that requires a uniform and she needs to buy maternity sizes in order to continue working

*She tossed all of her old maternity undergarments and will need to buy new (comfortable bras and underwear often need replacing)

*She has an event that she will attend during her pregnancy and will need to buy appropriate clothing 

*She needs clothes for all reasons: Sleeping, playing, swimming, working, lounging, going out and staying in.

If your wife or significant other were carrying this baby, would you not expect her to buy clothing that was stylish and actually fit for her growing body? Case closed.

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Surrogacy 101 Blog in Feedspot Top 50 Surrogacy Blogs

I received this message yesterday: 

"My name is Anuj Agarwal. I'm Founder of Feedspot.

I would like to personally congratulate you as your blog Surrogacy 101 has been selected by our panelist as one of the Top 50 Surrogacy Blogs on the web. 

http://blog.feedspot.com/surrogacy_blogs/

 

I personally give you a high-five and want to thank you for your contribution to this world. This is the most comprehensive list of Top 50 Surrogacy Blogs on the internet and I’m honored to have you as part of this!"

 

It's always nice to be validated and acknowledged and making the top 50 on the Internet for Surrogacy is pretty awesome! I hope that my dear readers also feel that the information found on Surrogacy 101 is helpful and easy to understand! I appreciate your continued support!

 

 Thank you!

Sharon LaMothe

LaMothe Services, LLC

http://LaMotheServices.com

LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting

http://LaMotheSurrogacyConsulting.com

InfertilityAnswers

http://InfertilityAnswers.org

#SurrogacyMyth: Any attorney can draw up a surrogacy contract so don't waste time vetting reproductive lawyers

Would you have a mail man sell your home for you just because he sees a lot of houses during his mail delivery route? NO? Well then don’t expect a family law attorney or a divorce lawyer to have the knowledge to draw up a surrogacy contract. It’s tempting to want to cut corners and save money but skimping on the contract phase is not the place to do that!

The gestational surrogacy contract, as well as the contracts for traditional surrogacy, are lengthy and complicated. The wording is very important and there are several sections outlining who is responsible for what and what happens under certain circumstances. It covers issues like what constitutes a breach of contract, who will be named guardian if something happened to the Intended Parents, what happens to the baby if it’s born with a deformity, and who is holding escrow and when are payments made? (Among many other things)

Make the investment and hire an attorney who knows the ins and outs of reproductive law. Not adoption law, not family law, but REPRODUCTIVE LAW. This lawyer can also handle the parentage actions needed to ensure that the Intended Parents names are on the birth certificate. If something should go wrong or there is a misunderstanding, the contract may hold the solutions.

The contract doesn’t promise that the humans who signed it will behave or that everything will go smoothly but it does make sure they everyone is following the “rules” and fulfilling expectations. A good surrogacy contract lends everyone a piece of mind during what can be a long and sometimes complicated process. Protect yourself and insist on the best lawyer for the job. (*NOTE: Both the IPs and the GC need their own attorneys, one lawyer to draw to up the contract and one to review the contract on behalf of the surrogate.)

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#SurrogacyMyth: Surrogates are in the business of selling babies

Can we all say the word ILLEGAL all together? Surrogacy does not equate the selling of babies. No matter what some say, any money a surrogate may make is nothing compared to a full-time job. What payments a surrogate does receive is to either assist her in taking care of herself or taking care of the unborn baby she carries OR reimbursements for co-pays or incidentals needed to follow her contract throughout the surrogacy process.

A first-time surrogate receives between $28-$34 thousand. That may look like a lot but the average surrogacy journey lasts for at least 15-18 months. At the high end, that’s $1888 per month (for those that hate math). I wonder how much day care costs per week these days? And that would be 5 days a week for 9-10 hours. If it were 24/7 I would hazard a bet that it would be more then 2k per month. There is a benefit package that often accompanies the base fee which includes reimbursements for things like lost wages, child care, housekeeping, and maternity clothing, to name a few. There is also compensation for invasive procedures like amniocentesis, C-sections or D&C’s.

In Gestational Surrogacy, women are volunteering to carry a baby for another person or couple. Yes, there is money involved. Payments are also made to the clinic, the egg donor, the RE, the attorney, the mental health professionals, the pharmacy, the OBGYN, and the hospital. This list doesn’t include any specialist that might be involved with the pregnancy/birth. Surrogacy is an expensive process no matter how you look at it.

The thing to remember is surrogacy is an unselfish feeling that has to start in the heart. Of course there are other reasons and rewards that women may want to be a surrogate but the main point is helping others have the children they need to make them parents. It’s simple really. People helping people, families helping families. What could be wrong with that?

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Handmaid’s Tale: Separating Fertility Fact from Fiction by Jennifer “Jay” Palumbo

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/handmaids-tale-separating-fertility-fact-from-fiction_us_59626fc3e4b0cf3c8e8d599d

Today I am sharing a great article from the Huffington Post written by Jennifer “Jay” Palumbo Writer, Public Speaker, Infertility and Women's Rights Advocate!  I was selected to participate in reading the 1985 version of the Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood and then we discussed it during a Skype session and again on a phone conference AND then we answered more questions via email. Follow the link to see what we all thought about this controversial piece. If you also have read the book I know that we all would love to hear your take on it!

Here is one of my quotes (STRONG thoughts about this book and how it relates to Surrogacy): SHARON: I think they are very far from reality of surrogacy as it stands today here in the United States. Even in India, this would not be called surrogacy. This is rape. This is enslavement. This is kidnapping. This is inhumane.

Handmaid’s Tale: Separating Fertility Fact from Fiction

Below, some of my friends (who also happen to be fertility professionals) discuss the book based on the questions I put together after finally reading it. The questions below are more fertility focused but still hit on so many big issues. If YOU have read the book, I also hope you’ll share your comments below. For now, let me introduce you to the members of the book club! They are:

Sharon LaMothe - Surrogacy Expert

Annie Kuo - Principal of Emerald Fertility Consulting

Carrie Van Steen - Fertility Coach & Patient Advocate

Lisa Rosenthal - Strategic Content & Advocacy Lead at Reproductive Medicine Associates of Connecticut; Founder of Fertile Yoga: Fertility Activist

Me (Jennifer “Jay” Palumbo) – Your hostess who is a Freelance Writer, Infertility/Women’s Rights Advocate and a Marketing Strategy & Communications Consultant

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#SurrogacyMyth: If you are a gay couple you don't need a full medical checkup before you look for a surrogate mother

This is going to be a short post. If you are gay (or a single male) and are considering expanding your family via surrogacy, you need to have a full medical checkup first. If you are using your own sperm then you need a full Semen Analysis. Why? Because you don’t know how healthy your sperm is. A semen analysis measures three major factors of sperm health:

the number of sperm

the shape of the sperm

the movement of the sperm, also known as “sperm motility”

Doctors will often conduct two or three separate sperm analyses to get a good idea of sperm’s health. According to the American Association for Clinical Chemistry (AACC), the tests should be conducted at least seven days apart and over the course of two to three months. Sperm counts can vary on a daily basis.

Why go through all the work and expense of finding your egg donor, a gestational carrier or a traditional surrogate when you don’t know if you will also need a sperm donor or a little help with the egg fertilization? Look at your own health first and then move forward with the family building process.

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#SurrogacyMyth: As long as you are of legal age (18) & have had a baby, you can become a surrogate

Sorry but NO. Has it never happened before, an 18-year-old becoming a surrogate? I am sure it has in the past but there are many reasons that it is rare, especially in the USA. Here is my take on why it is best to wait until a woman is at least 21 to become a surrogate.

First, an 18-year-old with a baby, because she has to have had an uncomplicated pregnancy and birth AND parenting her own child as per most requirements, will have her hands full just parenting! Secondly, although she is of legal age to sign a contract, it could be challenged in court depending on the circumstances. Third, the rest of a woman’s fertile life has to be considered. There is a chance that she might lose her fertility due to a complication within the surrogacy pregnancy/birth. Although this is the same for older women it can be even more devastating for those under 21.

Very few 18-20 year old’s will pass the psychological evaluation due to maturity. Responsible and mature women with life experience make the better surrogate/carrier (one would hope). I know that statement will not be a popular one among those younger women but the truth is the surrogacy process is very expensive for Intended Parents. Upwards toward $125,000.00 and that means that the majority of the responsibility rests on the shoulders of the surrogate. She needs to take her part very seriously. A surrogate needs to follow all of the doctor’s orders. She needs to take all of her shots, pills, patches etc. at the right times. She needs to have reliable transportation to attend each and every appointment. She needs to take care of herself even if it means putting her own family on the back burner. If she is put on bedrest that means staying on bedrest, if she is told no sexual activities with her partner then that means NONE. If she is told she can’t lift more than 10 lbs. that means no picking up her 30-pound toddler. She needs to keep track of every receipt, bill, statement and parking permit throughout the process.

Needless to say, for those of you who are under 21 and dream about becoming a surrogate, just wait. Do all of your research, read the qualifications and requirements and be ready when the time comes to fill out that application. Your heart is in the right place and that is the first step!

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#SurrogacyMyth: Qualified women who want to become Gestational Carriers are so easy to find

Searching for someone to help you build your family is never easy no matter what you read in the magazines or online.  Because of the long list of requirements and qualifications, even the most warm hearted and kind women can be rejected for seemingly the simplest reasons. This makes it very difficult to find the right surrogacy candidates even for agencies. Think of it this way: First, the age group of 21-38 (sometimes through 40 depending), then only those who have had an uncomplicated pregnancy and birth are considered. Out of that group, healthy weight and lifestyle (BMI below 30, nonsmokers or drinkers, no STD’s or medical issues such as depression etc.) will continue on. The field is narrowed even further with only those women who are not on state or federal assistance and have their own transportation.

Now, if the woman you are looking for has passed all of these hurdles she still needs to pass a psychological and medical evaluation. More importantly she has to WANT to be a surrogate. Most women do not. They are raising their own families and/or have a career to consider. Or they hated being pregnant. These women may not have husbands or partners who would be supportive of the whole idea of surrogacy. Even if a woman wanted to be a surrogate and met every requirement listed above, if she lives in a state that criminalizes surrogacy, you are both out of luck.

On top of all of these guidelines, requirements, stipulations and so on….there are the “wish lists”. Intended Parents may want a woman who lives locally to them or at least in the same surrogacy friendly state, they may want someone who is of the same religion or race, or they may want someone who will follow a certain diet like vegan or vegetarian for example. They may want a “stay at home mom” or someone without very young children. How about a woman who has her own insurance that allows surrogacy arrangements? And what about her base fee? Low compensation in order to save money? Or maybe money isn’t a issue and the IPs are wanting someone who has been a surrogate before. Not just an experienced surrogate but a successful surrogate. Oh! And someone who would be willing to carry twins! The list can grow very long.

Let’s not forget the surrogate’s side of things. She has her own ideas on who she carries a baby for. She may want a couple who are gay….or not. She might consider carrying for someone who is single or International. She will want her husband or partner to like the Intended Parents too. She might want someone who will allow her to keep in touch after the birth, pump breast milk, or she has visions of lifelong friendship. Maybe she has plans for the money she will make as a surrogate so she is asking for top compensation for her services. She might sign on with an agency or feel like she can “go independent” with no representation. The surrogate’s list can be very long too!

Now I know I haven’t listed all possibilities but this post is just to highlight why finding a surrogate mother, gestational carrier is anything but easy. However, don’t give up hope! Keep your wish list short and your expectations reasonable. You can hire an agency to help you but know that it’s not usual for you to find a match in a week or even a month. These things take time and patience. Surrogacy is not for the faint hearted but for those who persevere.

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#SurrogacyMyth: If a family member or friend volunteers to become your surrogate, she is automatically qualified by all professionals

It’s so nice when you are struggling to find someone to carry your baby for you, a person from your friends or family list steps up and volunteers to help you build your family in the most intimate of ways. Some may think that all they need to do is inform their clinic that they have found a woman to be their carrier and assume that the clinic will just walk them through the process. Not so! I strongly suggest that any IP or woman who wants to be a surrogate do some research before spending a dime.

As wonderful as an offer of surrogacy is, make sure that your friend or family member is qualified. After saying Thank YOU! call your clinic and see what their requirements are for a gestational carrier. There might be an age range (21-40), healthy BMI range, she has to have had a uncomplicated pregnancy and currently parenting her child/children, non-smoker, not on (most) medication to name a few qualifications. Don’t assume that just because she has had a good pregnancy in her past that she will automatically qualified. You want the best person to be your surrogate and even if emotionally your choice seems like a good one there is a lot to be said about a healthy body too!

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#SurrogacyMyth: In the USA, Surrogacy arrangements are valid in all 50 states.

Unfortunately, not all US states have jumped on the surrogacy band wagon! These 5 states are not surrogacy friendly at all (meaning that women from these states should not give birth to a surrogate baby within state lines) Louisiana has very limited laws and I suggest that you talk to a reproductive attorney before you even consider LA. Michigan is a very emphatic NO along with New Jersey and New York. A surrogate could be criminally charged. Washington state allows “compassionate, non-compensated” surrogacy arrangements but all other paid arrangements are considered criminal.

Heterosexual Intended Parents from the above states can work with a surrogate in any of the surrogate friendly states. Gay or single intended parents also have to be aware of the laws in certain states. Here is a great website to learn about each states surrogacy laws from Family Connections GESTATIONAL SURROGACY LAW ACROSS THE UNITED STATES.

Remember that these laws often change and contacting a local reproductive attorney BEFORE you get started in a state you are unsure of is the best advice I can give you.

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Awesome New App: FertiCalm Created by Dr. Alice Domar and Dr. Elizabeth Grill

Wednesday I had the pleasure of hearing Dr. Alice Domar speak on the topic of "Reducing the Burden of Care" at the Seattle Tacoma Area Reproductive Society’s meeting (STARS) in Seattle.  What a great subject especially for those in the fertility field who have set out to help their patients and clients navigate the process of infertility treatments and, at the same time, maintaining a positive mind set. Dr. Domar introduced this great phone app that she helped design called FertiCalm. http://www.ferticalmapp.com This app can be used by women who need coping techniques in everyday situations. (Alice says they are currently working on an app just for men.)

Coping for Every Situation…Any time, Any Place, Anywhere. FertiCalm provides a variety of more than 500 custom coping options for over 50 specific situations which have the potential to cause distress throughout the family building journey located right on your phone.

Dr. Domar and Dr. Grill, the creators of this app, are reproductive psychologists with over 45 years combined experience, at two of the most prominent infertility centers in the US. They provide counseling for women, men and couples as they work to build their families and saw an unmet need. Many people don't have the time, money, or geographical access to see a therapist specially trained in infertility counseling. While FertiCalm is not substitute for treatment with a licensed therapist or psychologist, FertiCalm serves as a helpful resource for women in the exact moment they feel distress, whenever and wherever they are, by providing them with coping techniques for many common social scenarios faced by women on their family building journey.

Check it out and let everyone know what you think! Please leave feedback here, in the comments section!

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#SurrogacyMyth: IVF will work the first time with a qualified surrogate!

In Vitro Fertilization is a true miracle to those needing extra help conceiving a child. Sometimes IVF alone is not the answer, especially for gay couples or women with medical conditions like cancer. When another woman is needed, a gestational carrier, IVF breathes new hope into a once seemingly hopeless situation.

No fertility clinic that I know will guarantee a pregnancy on the first attempt of IVF (or on the 4^th attempt for that matter) The intended parents are the people who usually choose the RE/clinic so we all hope that they have done their homework regarding live birth statistics. All involved also hope that any embryos that are made and transferred are of great quality. They hope that the eggs and sperm are from the most perfect source. There is a LOT of hope involved in IVF BUT, surprise surprise, even if everything is deemed A+, Grade 1, “Excellent”, and the carrier has the “best lining I have ever seen” the IVF process can still fail! And because of this fact, the surrogacy agreement often will state that it will cover the time frame of up to 3 IVF attempts.

My best advice beyond “expect the worst but hope for the best” is for intended parents to do their research and find the best clinic they can afford. Secondly, be prepared for an IVF cycle not to work for no good reason. Everyone is doing their job and it will still fail because we are human and nothing is perfect. Keep the hope, follow doctor’s orders, know that you are not alone but be realistic.  Everyone wants the same thing. A healthy pregnancy and birth.

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LaMothe Services Can Help You with Your Assisted Reproductive Business in 2017

How can LaMothe Services help you and your business thrive? 

Small and large Assisted Reproductive Technology businesses alike understand how outsourcing can help transform their public relations, customer service, networking and marketing processes. LaMothe Services will expose your company to new business practices that can prove to be more profitable for your business and gain access to state-of-the-art technology at substantially lower costs. Our industry experience, broad capabilities and deep alliances mean we can help you maximize these opportunities. Let us help you find your purpose in the Third Party Family Building arena! 

 

LaMothe Services will provide you with the resources to optimize every opportunity.

 

LaMothe Services also provides Coaching, Mentorship, Training, Seminars, Staff Education, and Public Speaking events in the area of Third Party Reproduction, namely Surrogacy and Egg Donation. Our background and expertise will provide your staff with the development and training resources and the results are that your employees will be more motivated, focused, organized and realize results! 

 

At LaMothe Services our highest priority is satisfied customers. We are proud to serve you and work hard to earn your business. Call 727-458-8333 to schedule your free personal 40 minute consultation. There's no obligation, only opportunity.

 

Winter Special!

Calling all entrepreneurs! LaMothe Services is offering a 2017 WINTER Special that will have you running your own Surrogacy Agency before you know it!  

 

Are you interested in owning and operating your own Surrogacy Agency but don't know where to start? Do you live in a surrogacy friendly state? Have you been entertaining the idea of becoming your own boss? Are you a 'people person' and have knowledge of the third party family building field? (Past Surrogate, Intended Parent or other A.R.T Professional) Do you believe that 2017 is YOUR year to take control of your own career path? If the answers are a resounding YES to all these questions then LaMothe Services, LLC can help you formulate a plan and assist you in building your business to it's full potential. E-mail LaMotheServices@aol.com to set up your free 40 minute consult and learn more about our WINTER SPECIAL! Or visit the LaMothe Services website for more details!

Surrogacy Fees: What is a 'Base Fee'?

The "Base Fee"

 

Once Intended Parents start the search for a surrogate mother, whether its in an independent situation or through an agency setting, they will soon come a crossed the phrase "base fee". What is this fee for? Who sets these fees? Isn't it the same as 'paying' a surrogate? Why is the word compensation used?

 

Let me illuminate you on the "base fee factors". In general, a base fee is to cover the 9 months or 40 weeks your surrogate will be pregnant with your child/children. It is very rare for any of the base fee monies to be distributed before you see a heart beat on the ultra sound screen. The base fee is commonly broken down into monthly payments, however these are not always equal monthly installments. Lets use a fee of $20,000. The break down may look like this:

 

    Month one:     $1,500

    Month two:     $1,500

    Month three:   $2,000

    Month four:    $2,000

    Month five:    $2,000

    Month six:     $2,500

    Month seven:  $2,500

    Month eight:  $3,000

    Month nine:   $3,000

 

These fees are usually strategically set up like this in a contract because there are so many times that a miscarriage can happen in the first couple of months of an IVF cycle. This way the Intended Parents are not out a huge amount of money and the surrogate is compensated for the time that she actually did carry.

 

Lets remember that babies are born on their own time table and so if a baby or babies are born early the amount that is left over is put into one last check and given to the surrogate with in 14 days after the birth or whatever is stated in the contract. In the case of multiples an extra amount is often added from month 5-9.

 

So who sets these fees? Good question! Basically attorneys and agencies know state by state what those judges will tolerate regarding a surrogacy fee. This is why you don't see women being surrogates and charging $100,000! If a judge sees an amazingly large amount of money in a contract that fact alone will raise the following questions: "Was this woman coerced? Is she selling her body?, Is she selling a baby?" This is why the base fee is labeled compensation or reimbursement or even living expenses. Surrogate mothers are supposed to be carrying a child, not to make money, but instead, for altruistic reasons. Any money involved is to support the surrogate and the unborn baby throughout the process. The point is that no money should be coming out of the surrogates family budget to support her while she is a surrogate mother.

 

The average base fees being asked for by agencies for their surrogates looks something like this:

First time surrogate with her own health insurance: $23,000-$28,000

First time surrogate without her own health insurance: $20,000-$25,000

Second time surrogate with her own health insurance: $30,000-$40,000

Second time surrogate without her own health insurance: $28,000-$35,000

Third and forth time surrogates with health insurance can command anything up to $45,000 + and those without $35,000+. 

 

Yes, there are some variations but this configuration is the most common. Insurance companies are adding surrogacy exclusions each time they print up a new policy! They feel that if money is being exchanged then their policy shouldn't be used as a bargaining chip. If a surrogate is on Medicaid then she can not, under any circumstances, use government insurance! This is FRAUD and is punishable by the law. Surrogates without insurance need to be insured ASAP through one of the few companies that have policy especially for those involved in third party reproduction or family building. New Life is one of those agencies. Needless to say these are very expensive policies which is why an uninsured surrogate is compensated less then those who carry their own health insurance policies with maternity coverage.

 

Additional questions? Check out LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting http://www.lamothesurrogacyconsulting.com Save $150.00 with our fall consulting special!

 

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Gestational Surrogacy Should Only Be Done for Legitimate Medical Reasons By Dr. Michael Feinman

For some patients, gestational surrogacy is an option, if repeat implantation failure is a problem.  This is particularly true if PGD normal embryos have been transferred, and the rest of the evaluation is negative.  I started working with surrogates in 1992.  Until recently, virtually all the agencies I worked with held to standard that surrogacy should only be considered when the intended mother really cannot safely carry a pregnancy to term.   

A recent tragic death of a surrogate mother from a rare but well-know pregnancy complication known as abruption of the placenta, underscores the ethical problem with asking women to serve as surrogates for non-medical reasons.  To the family of this unfortunate woman, the reason she was surrogate does not matter right now.  However, for those of us who defend the practice of compensated surrogacy in the United States, it is an important reminder that the practice should only be allowed for legitimate medical purposes.  Dying from a pregnancy-related complication is so rare in the U.S., that many people take it for granted and feel it is acceptable to transfer the risks of pregnancy to another woman.  Somehow, a tragedy like this seems less egregious, if the surrogate mother was doing it for a woman who otherwise could not have a child.

Why the change in social attitude and acceptance of the looser standards?  One possible reason is the recent rise in the popularity of doing surrogacy in less developed countries like Mexico.  Most of these programs have a “no questions asked” policy, and financial reward for the surrogates is an important incentive.  Also, we have seen an increase in wealthy women from certain countries that can easily carry a baby, but see gestational surrogacy as a way to obtain a U.S. passport for their child.  Finally, there are some misconceptions about medical facts.  For instance, many women in their late reproductive years forties erroneously think that surrogates have a better chance for success than they do.  Ironically, many of these women are only in their late thirties or early forties, and we still work with healthy surrogate mothers in this age range!  

Critics of compensated surrogacy will point to the financial benefits as an inducement for women to take this risk.  In my experience, this may be true in poor countries.  However, in the U.S., the agencies I work with do not accept indigent women, and the compensation to these wonderful women, when amortized over the whole pregnancy amounts to less than minimum wage.

In conclusion, while the serious risks of pregnancy in the U.S. are small, they do exist.  The recent tragedy is a reminder of this and should make us all reflect on the importance of maintaining a high ethical standard in deciding which patients should benefit from surrogacy.   Along with the more common and less serious complications, combined with the major imposition of a surrogate mother and her family, appropriate compensation still seems reasonable.  However, the financial compensation should not induce women to take these risks.  Intended parents and health care professionals alike should keep these risks in mind when they consider moving forward with gestational surrogacy.

 

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Mistake Number Fourteen of the Top 14 Mistakes Not to Make for Traditional Surrogates and Gestational Carriers: Thinking That the Surrogacy Process will be Fast and Easy

 

Here we are, Finally! Number 14 is a mistake that all surrogates/carriers tend to make at one time or the other. (This should include Intended Parents.) The Surrogacy process is full of hoops to jump through and often takes well over a year to complete and that is if all goes well with the first IVF attempt. Read below for some of the most common misconceptions. Your thoughts and comments are always welcomed!

(Illustration copyright Tsipora Ivry 2009
www.ellyteman.com )

 

 Mistake #14-Thinking that the surrogacy process will be fast and easy

 

This is one of the most common phrases that I hear day in and day out from women who would like to be surrogates or carriers.

 

"I get pregnant just by my husband looking at me"

"I just think about wanting a baby and the next thing I know, I'm pregnant"

"I have never had any morning sickness and am so happy being pregnant"

 

Needless to say there is SO much more involved to surrogacy that I can't fit it all into this one post. Here are just a few:

 

*You must find a match with like minded Intended Parents

*You have to pass all of the Intended Parents clinics' medical and mental health evaluation requirements such as age, BMI, physical health, and be mentally and emotionally prepared (to name a few)

*You must have a legal contract in place

*IUI's must take place at a certain time in your cycle (Traditional Surrogacy)

*It may take several months of IUI before pregnancy (if you get pregnant at all)

*For IVF  you must cycle with your Intended Mother or the Egg Donor

*You will have to take medications (shots, pills, suppositories)

*You will have to have an embryo transfer

*You may not get pregnant the first time

*You may have to go through 2 or 3 embryo transfers

*You may never get pregnant with this method, this RE or this clinic or these Intended Parents

*If you do get pregnant you will be with your clinic 10-12 weeks

*You have the rest of your pregnancy to go through before you give birth to a baby or babies that will hopefully be close to term. 

 

You see...its not an easy thing which is why YOU are needed...why YOU are special because WHO ELSE but YOU would go through all of THIS for someone else?

 

Additional questions? Check out LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting http://www.lamothesurrogacyconsulting.com Save $150.00 with our fall consulting special!

 

 

 

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Number Nine of the Top 14 Mistakes for Surrogates and Carriers to Avoid: Going without term Life Insurance of at least $300,000

 
Simply put, making mistake number nine will not make or break a surrogacy arrangement but it does show care and respect for the greatest gift involved, the surrogate and her family, for even considering taking the risk of child birth for someone else.

 

Mistake Number Nine: Going without term Life Insurance of at least $300,000 

 

Very simply...You are worth more then $300,000. You are priceless....however, many people simply skip the step that costs approximately $350.00 for a term Life Insurance Policy per year and the piece of mind that comes with it. Your husband or children are named as beneficiaries should something catastrophic happen to you during the surrogacy arrangement. Protect your family and insist on a policy that will help fill the financial hole that will be left behind should anything happen to you. You are irreplaceable as a wife and a mother but a life insurance policy can go a long way to making life a tiny bit easier for your loved ones should anything happen to you.  

 

Additional questions? Check out LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting http://www.lamothesurrogacyconsulting.com Save $150.00 with our fall consulting special!

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Number Eight of the Top 14 Mistakes for Surrogates and Carriers to Avoid: Agreeing to do at home inseminations (IUI)

Here we are at mistake number eight which only applies to Traditional Surrogates. I want to point out that IUI (Intrauterine Inseminations) are not that costly and doing these at 'home' really isn't worth the risk!

 

 

Mistake #8 Agreeing to do at home inseminations (IUI) 

 

Why you should insist doing Intrauterine Inseminations at a medical facility: One of the first concerns I have when I hear that a Traditional Surrogate is planning on doing IUI without a Dr's guidance is the possibility of STD's or HIV. Some of the other questions pop into my head regarding a situation like this are: Is there a contract in place? Are medications being taken? Was a psychological screening done? In other words, what 'short cuts' have been taken? Having a medical doctor involved can also make this part of a surrogacy so much more successful. A surrogate can be monitored and, under the clinic's care, the right time in a cycle would be chosen to proceed with the IUI. Medications may be prescribed to allow for more follicles to mature.

 

There is also the emotional and mental aspect of being a Traditional Surrogate and being treated by a Dr. rather then the Intended Parents themselves. It helps with the separation to go through the clinical steps.

 

Don't try and save your IP's a few dollars while putting yourself at risk. Make sure that you have every i dotted and your t's crossed before you agree to ANY medical procedure.

 
Additional questions? Check out LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting http://www.lamothesurrogacyconsulting.com/! Save $150.00 with our fall consulting special!

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Number Seven of the Top 14 Mistakes for Surrogates and Carriers to Avoid: Not insisting that the IP's have at least one visit with a psychologist

We are at the halfway point of 14 Mistakes to Avoid For Women Considering Becoming Surrogate Mothers or Gestational Carriers! Thank you for all of your comments. I love receiving your personal messages as well as those on Facebook and elsewhere...I will try to touch on all of the concerns as we go though these 'mistakes'! Here is #7!

 

 

Mistake #7-Not insisting that the IP's have at least one visit with a psychologist who is recommended by the clinic

 

Why you should insist: As most of us are aware, surrogates, carriers and egg donors are psychologically screened as a standard of practice here in the United States. But less often do you hear of Intended Parents being required to seek out a mental health professional before they proceed with their third party family building plans. This is a disservice to the Intended Parents as well as their surrogate, you.

 

In my utopia world, all parties, the surrogate/carrier, her partner and the Intended Parents would all have at least one session together lead by a mental health professional well versed in reproductive technology, surrogacy and the loss of fertility. Everyone would be open and honest about their feelings and intentions and even the hardest issues would be explored. All within the 55 minute time frame.

 

As that is unlikely to happen, at least not in most cases, I believe that Intended Parents should seek out a psychologist or mental health professional (one that perhaps their clinic could recommend) and make an appointment. This is one more step that will be sure to bring you, as the surrogate, and your IP's closer. One more building block to a happy relationship as you explore this journey called Surrogacy. Intended Parents can really open up and talk about their fears, concerns and issues knowing that this councilor is trained to guide them through their questions and offer answers and support. Just as a surrogate must, Intended Parents need to be really sure that this is the route they want to take in building their family. They can also be reassured that they are on the same page as their partner and if there are issues that need more time, then the signing of contracts can wait until they are totally sure. Much better finding out at this point then after a successful transfer, don't you think?

 

 

Additional questions? Check out LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting http://www.lamothesurrogacyconsulting.com/! Save $150.00 with our fall consulting special!

 

 

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Number Six of the Top 14 Mistakes for Surrogates and Carriers to Avoid: Not insisting that all compensation per the contract be deposited into an escrow account before the first transfer

 

 

Mistake #6-Not insisting that all compensation per the contract be deposited into an escrow account before the first transfer 

 

Why you should insist: There is a lot of money involved in a surrogacy arrangement and only a portion is earmarked for the surrogate. I know when I told my mother the first time in 1998 that I was going to be a Gestational Carrier she asked if I were getting $100,000! That was the only amount SHE would consider doing 'such a far out' thing for!

 

Needless to say, Surrogates and Carriers do not get that kind of money for this priceless service! A first time surrogate can be compensated from between $22k to $28k more or less depending on Insurance and Multiples. Still that money isn't given up front. The usual arrangement is monthly installments while pregnant to support the pregnant surrogate. There is maternity clothing to be purchased, and child care to pay for and perhaps lost wages and housekeeping to be reimbursed. Where is all of this money coming from?

 

The Intended Parents of course! Some may insist on paying it out of their own pocket on a monthly basis but how reliable is that? What if there is an accident and they can't write a check? What if the IP's are on vacation? What if the funds are 'lost in the mail' or late for some reason? What does that lack of timely payment do to a surrogacy relationship?  Well, I can tell you, it's not pretty!

 

On the other side of this coin, surrogates need to be reimbursed for several things during her pregnancy. She may have over the counter medication receipts, co-pays for office visits, or is due some gas reimbursements and every time she asks her IPs for something 'extra' they feel nickeled and dimed to death even though these items are reimbursable as stated in the contract.

 

Avoid all of these hard feeling and the need to mix money and babies by depositing the surrogate compensation with a reliable escrow agent! Someone else will manage the payments. If something happens to the IP's the surrogate will still be compensated. She needn't go to her IP's for every little receipt she has and when they do talk it can be about the growing baby! So much better for everyone involved!

 

 
Additional questions? Check out LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting http://www.lamothesurrogacyconsulting.com/! Save $150.00 with our fall consulting special!

 

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Number Five of the Top 14 Mistakes for Surrogates and Carriers to Avoid: Being 'talked into' agreeing to issues that are fundamentally against your personal ethics/religion or life style

 

This happens more then we would like to think...we make compromises even after we research the issues. Really think about what you are agreeing to! It can make all the difference in your relationship!

 

 Mistake #5: Being 'talked into' agreeing to issues that are fundamentally against your personal ethics/religion or life style i.e. abortion, selective reduction, working with IP's that you don't feel comfortable with, etc.

 

What you have to be careful about: When the excitement of meeting new Intended Parents,"clicking" with them and heading toward the possibility of signing your contract overrides your personal ethics, a step back needs to be taken! I have talked with many a surrogate who didn't believe in aborting a Downs Syndrome child, for instance. Yet the Intended Parents want the Downs testing done. Does that mean that they will ask her to abort if the tests come back positive? Who knows. But if she would never abort no matter what then she needs to make sure her IP's know that. Although the baby belongs to the Intended Parents it is the Surrogates body...and no one can make her abort anything at anytime. As a matter of fact, no one can make her carry the baby either. Row vs Wade is alive and well in the Surrogacy World.

 

The lesson here is that Intended Parents and Surrogates need to be on the same page with all of these ethical, legal and religious issues. Communication is key! Don't try to please your 'perfect but for' Intended Parents....Don't rush into a situation just because you have been waiting so long to be matched or this is the first couple that has come to you...take time to think of what you want and then go from there. The same goes for Intended Parents. You may be on a time crunch or have searched high and low for a woman you can relate to but don't avoid the hard conversations before you start the contracts. Make sure that everyone is on the same page. 

 

Additional questions? Check out LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting http://www.lamothesurrogacyconsulting.com/! Save $150.00 with our fall consulting special!

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Numbers Three and Four of the Top 14 Mistakes for Surrogates and Carriers to Avoid: Using an 'old' or past contract and Not having your own legal representation when reviewing your surrogacy contract

We are on number 3 and 4 with our 14 Mistakes to Avoid For Women Considering Becoming Surrogate Mothers or Gestational Carriers. These two go together very well and end up to be one of the more common mistakes. All in the name of 'saving money'!

 

 

Why you should have a new contract drawn up and insist that you have your own attorney: If you have your old contract then that tells me you have been a surrogate in the past or at least were in a surrogacy arrangement. It's great that you like and feel comfortable with what you have agreed upon in your old contract however circumstances have changed! You have new Intended Parents. They may reside in another state, they certainly have different contact information and they have different needs. People use old contracts to save money but most times it just doesn't work out that way! More money is spent when one finds out that not all of the IP's wishes are covered or something you might need could have been overlooked in the rush to have something to sign and get ready for that all important (and expensive) transfer. This goes hand in hand with GET AN ATTORNEY! One for each party involved. Someone who KNOWS reproductive law.  (Not your brother-in-law who is a divorce attorney or their cousin who is a death row lawyer!)

 

If you liked your old contract so much, supply a copy to your new attorney and he or she can add in your wishes/requirements and all that will then be explained to your new Intended Parents by their OWN lawyer! This is a must to ensure that everyone is on the same page. A surrogate must have their own representation to avoid conflict of interest. Trust me, the cost to your IP's for you to have your own attorney is much less then if YOU have to hire your own attorney because of a dispute in the contract after you are pregnant!

 

Additional questions? Check out LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting http://www.lamothesurrogacyconsulting.com/! Save $150.00 with our fall consulting special!

 

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Number Two of the Top 14 Mistakes for Surrogates and Carriers to Avoid: Not having a face to face meeting before any contracts are signed

 

 

 

Mistake #2-Not having a face to face meeting before any contracts are signed (or at the very least, before the first embryo transfer)

 

Why you need to have a face to face meeting: Yes people do live far a part (even overseas) at times and traveling can be tough but that is no excuse to ignore the need to meet your Intended Parents face to face before you sign a contract and agree to carry a baby for them. These are the people that you are going to have a long term relationship with. Would you ever consider becoming a mail order bride? I think not! Then don't put yourself in the position of not meeting your Intended Parents until you are at your transfer or, heaven forbid, pregnant.

 

We all know that a phone call, e-mail, and, yes, even Skype or Face Time can help a long distance relationship thrive but consider all you notice when you actually see someone in person! How they present themselves, what their handshake feels like, what their mannerisms are like, how you react to them and how they react to you. Chemistry can make or break a relationship and as we are all well aware!

 

Remember you are never a little bit pregnant and regrets after the fact do not make for an enjoyable surrogacy journey!

 

Additional questions? Check out LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting http://www.lamothesurrogacyconsulting.com/ Save $150.00 with our fall consulting special!

 

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Number One of the Top 14 Mistakes for Surrogates and Carriers to Avoid: Giving out personal information

 

 

Mistake Number 1-Giving out personal information, especially before a contract is signed,  such as social security numbers and release of medical information to anyone but the agency, attorney, psychologist or clinic.

 

 

Why you shouldn't do this: As we are all aware, there are scams being run on both sides of the fence these days. Who's to say that someone pretending to be an Intended Parent is just looking for an easy mark for identity theft! You need to protect yourself and your family. You may be eager to get yourself matched and on the way to a contract but please don't give out your personal information to just anyone. Your Intended Parents don't need to know your Social Security Number. The clinic is the one that needs to see your medical records. If you worked with a psychologist in the past then have those records sent from your old Dr. to your new one. The message here is to be aware of who you are trusting and how much you know about them. Don't risk your identity for anyone!

 

Additional questions? Check out LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting http://www.lamothesurrogacyconsulting.com/! Save $150.00 with our fall consulting special!

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How to Choose a Surrogacy Agency

 

 

Building or adding on to your family via surrogacy is no easy matter. While some will try to go at it alone, others often decide to hire a surrogacy agency to assist them in finding a woman to carry their baby and take care of all the overwhelming details.This short post will help you think about what to look for in a surrogacy agency. Still, you may have a lot of questions. LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting can help you choose the right agency for your unique situation and educate you on the entire process. **Remember that your first 40 minute call is free!

The best way to start your search for an agency is ask your clinic who they recommend. Usually the clinic works with several agencies but they may have a favorite. You can also find a list of agencies online and, of course, you could ask for referrals from people in your support group if you belong to one. Once you have the names of several agencies and perhaps have read through their websites, then you need to interview them yourself. Email or call to set up an appointment and expect to spend a couple of hours on each interview. Remember that the agency will need to know about your own needs and desires in order to answer your questions to the best of their ability.

 Some questions you might ask are: 

*How long have they been in business

*How much experience do they have and in what capacity

  -- Past personal experience? Gestational Carrier, Traditional Surrogate, Past Intended Parent? Worked in a medical office or reproductive attorney office? 

*Do they attend conferences or have any type of continuing education in the Infertility Field?

*How many IP's (Matches) are currently in the program?

*Any law suits or complains against them? BBB issues? Other?

*Do they carry E&O insurance? (Errors and Omissions) 

 

    What is E&O insurance?
Errors and Omssions (E&O) is the insurance that covers your company, or you individually, in the event that a client holds you responsible for a service you provided, or failed to provide, that did not have the expected or promised results. For doctors, dentists, chiropractors, etc., it is often called malpractice insurance. For lawyers, accountants, architects or engineers, it may be called professional liability. Whatever you call it, it covers you for errors (or omissions) that you have made or that the client perceives you have made.

Most E&O policies cover judgments, settlements and defense costs. Even if the allegations are found to be groundless, thousands of dollars may be needed to defend the lawsuit. They can bankrupt a smaller company or individual and have a lasting effect on the bottom line of larger companies.

In short, E&O coverage provides protection for you in the event that an error or omission on your part has caused a financial loss for your client.

*How much does the surrogacy agency charge? and for what services?

    Agency Services might include:

   *Providing Surrogates and/or Egg Donors and their profiles (Pre-screened or not)
   *Background Checks
   *Arranging Life, Disability and Health Insurance Policies for the surrogate
   *Arranging verbal agreements between parties on important issues like selective reduction, termination and basic fees etc.
   *Recommending/Providing at least 2 reproductive attorneys for providing a contract and surrogate review
   *Recommending Psychologist for evaluation
   *Assisting with the location of a "surrogate friendly" OB (If needed)
   *Coordinating Escrow/Trust accounts for the distribution of funds throughout the contract time frame (This should be separate or the agency should be bonded)
   *Providing mediation or counseling if needed between IPs and GC
   *General Case Management and Support (Providing an emergency telephone contact number, plenty of staff to support amount of people currently in the program)
   *Attending Transfers, Appointments and Births if asked
   *Support of all parties after the birth (at least 6-8 weeks)

Don't ask how many pregnancies or births an agency has had because that is solely dependent on the clinic/RE working with those past surrogates and is no reflection on the agency itself. How many matches they are currently working with and how many staff is appropriate if you don't want to feel like a number or feel that the agency is overwhelmed. You can also ask for a copy of their retainer agreement and have your own attorney review it if you don't understand some of the jargon.

Of course there is always more to know and it's good to research and educate yourself before you more forward with your search for an agency.

 

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Early Is Best-Starting the Conversation About How Your Family Was Made via Surrogacy or Donation

With egg and sperm donation, parents have the extra concern of what to tell their child regarding where they came from. This is not a simple birds and bees conversation yet it can be as simple as that. Parents often have unfounded fears that their child will reject them if they know the 'truth'.

Although there are papers, articles and books on this topic, in this post I would like to keep it as simple as possible. First and foremost accept yourself as your child’s parent! You are rising, nurturing, loving a human being whom you helped create. No little thought went into this very life changing decision. Acknowledge that you are the reason that your child even exists!

Secondly, remember that parents read books to their children starting at a very young age. When you chose your books like “I Love You This Much” or “Goodnight Moon” add in a couple of children’s books on egg donation such as “One More Giraffe” by Kim Noble or “Mom and Dad and the Journey They Had” by Molly Summer. Books like these will prepare your young child for future questions and answers regarding his or her origins. Talking about how different families are made and how what really matters, at the end of the day, is that children are loved and wanted. Reading books can set the ground work for honest communication as your child grows.

Third, I suggest that if you have fears that you can not seem to put to rest, contact a mental health professional in the field of third party reproduction. You will find several who help you find the words you need to explain to your child or children how they were created AND how much you love them.

If you have ever had a conversation with your child about surrogacy,  egg or sperm donation and would like to share it with our readers please contact us with your story! Many Intended Parents would benefit from hearing your thoughts and suggestions!

The Surrogacy Diet-When Eating All Your Veggies is Just Too Much!

Every Intended Parent wants the very best for their child as it grows from an embryo to a baby. They want the best uterus, (which might be why they needed a surrogate), the best eggs, the best sperm and the best doctors. However Intended Parents have little control over the diet of their growing baby. The best nutrition is very important to all parents but when one has no say in what their own baby is ‘eating’ it can be quite frustrating.

When interviewing surrogate mothers some Intended Parents ask about their diets right off the bat and then ask if their chosen surrogate can change what she eats in some way. Some Jewish IPs want someone who will adhere to their strict dietary kosher guidelines while others want someone who will eat all organic and natural meats. Perhaps a vitamin regiment is also required above and beyond the prenatal supplements. OB’s often have a list of their own restrictions for all pregnant mothers to follow. This list limits the intake of caffeine, certain fish that contain mercury and luncheon meats that may cause listeria.  Every contract states that a surrogate will follow medical guidelines given to her by her doctor so she is already following a certain dietary requirement. But when do diet requests go to far?

Surrogates want to please their Intended Parents, however one can only ask so much. When a surrogate is in the early months of the pregnancy she may not be able to eat as well as she would normally. Some of the foods she would like to eat may be the very foods that make her run to the bathroom. Just keeping down her vitamins maybe a monumental task! A surrogate who has agreed to eat all organic foods will have a higher grocery bill then if she were to keep with her regular shopping list. If an Intended Parent wants their surrogate to be on a special diet then they should offer to pay for those foods by supplementing her grocery bill. IPs will also have to keep in mind that the surrogate shops for her own family and she is not the only one who will be eating that free range chicken! She can’t feed her husband mac and cheese and eat her all natural organic meal in the livingroom so the entire family food budget needs to be taken into consideration.

If a surrogate agrees to stick to a certain diet she is then on the honor system as it can’t be demanded in the contract that she eat all of her vegetables. She needs to understand that this is just one more thing that she can do for her IPs and the baby she is carrying. They will be forever grateful to her for her dedication to having the healthiest baby possible.

Have you ever been asked to change your diet? How did that work for you and your IPs? What types of things were you asked to eat or to avoid? I would love to hear from you!

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Want to Have a Baby One Day? Be Careful Who You Vote for This Election By Guest Blogger Stephanie Levich

An astounding 1 in 8 American couples will experience problems having children during their lifetimes, making infertility one of America’s greatest unsung medical epidemics. Unfortunately, the vast array of drugs and procedures available to help couples with fertility issues, including inseminations and homeopathic remedies, do not always work.

There is, however, a treatment that does work: in vitro fertilization (IVF). During my close to 15 years as a fertility consultant and through my own personal experience with IVF, I have discovered IVF to be a veritable miracle technique, enabling thousands of people, myself included, to overcome the heart wrenching diagnosis of infertility.

Imagine for a moment eagerly trying to start your family only to learn that you are a 1 in 8 and the only way for you to have a biological child of your own is through IVF. I was faced with this exact reality. Fortunately, we live in a time where options like IVF are available. But here's the scary reality: one of our presidential candidates is lobbying to end the existence of IVF. As someone who, not only helps clients have children through IVF, but is also a parent because of IVF, I take this very personally.

Ted Cruz released a chilling video last week which zealously showed his support for fetal "personhood" where zygotes would be considered legal "persons" and would therefore be granted full protection by the U.S. Constitution. “I enthusiastically support that resolution and, as president of the United States" he asserts, "I pledge to you that I will do everything within my power to end the scourge of abortion once and for all, that I will use the full constitutional power and the bully pulpit of the presidency to promote a culture of life, that I will sign any legislation put on my desk to defend the least of these, including legislation that defends the rights of all persons, without exception other than the life of the mother from conception to natural death."

Cruz, like others in his party, grounds his opinion in a conservative, theological belief that human life begins at conception. But the implications of these beliefs for those needing to undergo the IVF process to have a family are alarming. In an IVF cycle, numerous eggs are retrieved with the hope that a good number of healthy embryos will be created. Generally, any embryos that are not transferred are frozen. By granting full constitutional rights to embryos, fertility doctors would not be permitted to retrieve more than one or two eggs per IVF cycle. This would not only decrease success rates significantly, but would also make an already expensive process more cost prohibitive to patients because they would be required to undergo multiple retrieval procedures. Patients would also be subjected to increased medical risks for each egg retrieval they would be required to undergo.

Thankfully, the picture is much brighter on the democratic side. Hillary Clinton embraces the widespread belief shared by most fertility professionals, that human life begins at fetal viability or birth. In 2015, while responding to the nationwide firestorm surrounding abortion rights and employer-financed contraception, Clinton remarked that, “deep-seated cultural codes, religious beliefs and structural biases have to be changed” so as to grant women proper access to “reproductive health care.”

Unlike other national politicians, Clinton seems to view access to family planning methods within the larger context of women’s rights. In an extensive interview she gave last year to The Des Moines Register, Clinton noted that, “The Republicans have made it clear in recent years that they are not only opposed to abortion, which they have been for quite some time, they are increasingly opposed to family planning and contraception. This is a direct assault on a woman’s right to choose health care.”

For Clinton, access to family planning methods is a matter of personal freedom. As not only a fertility consultant, but also a grateful parent thanks to IVF, I couldn't agree more. IVF allows people to experience the joy of parenthood. All Americans, especially any American with hopes of starting a family one day, should bring their fertility concerns to the voting booth, demanding that politicians not only get behind but also protect this miracle technology.

 

 

Stephanie Levich is the Founder of Family Match Consulting, LLC,which assists clients in finding their perfect egg donor and surrogate candidates. Stephanie has been named one of America’s Top Entrepreneurs Under the age of 30 by Inc. Magazine and has been featured in various publications including Valley Life, and ForbesWoman. She is very grateful for the miracle of IVF which helped bring her to her very proudest accomplishments: her two beautiful children.

 

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Surrogacy-Are Red Flags in Your Future?

 

Wouldn't it be great to have a crystal ball and know what your future holds for you and your new potential Intended Parents? It may seem easy once you make the decision to become a surrogate. You read profiles, letters and pick a likely candidate. You might exchange e-mails or talk on the phone. You hear stories of hopes, dreams, complications and confusion. You share your values and lifestyle. And then perhaps a date...lunch? Dinner? ahhhh the glow, the euphoria of finding the "right" match. And then drip drip drop it starts to rain on the parade...just a drizzle at first. Nothing to stop the momentum, you can still see a slice of blue sky, but you get out the umbrella anyway. Perhaps this happens during contract negations. The IP's who were once so grateful for finding you want you to lower your "fee". (by 25% and Heavens! NO! They do not want to use an escrow agent!!) They want you to promise not to work during the pregnancy but they don't want to pay lost wages either. They want you to use your insurance at the infertility clinic so that they don't have to pay for the medications. (Thankfully most clinics won't do this any longer.) Your new IPs want you to go to Florida or Illinois for the transfer but don't want to pay child care for YOUR KIDS while you are gone. Hummmmmm If this pattern is starting now, during the contract phase, what's to say that it will be any different when you are pregnant? Maybe its time to rethink this match.

 

I know of many women who just WANT to be surrogates SO BADLY they are willing to overlook a multitude of red flags. They start out on their own in order to save their future IP's money. But when things start to go south You can say no. You can back that train up and get OFF. Before you commit to medical testing (where the IP's start to spend money on the relationship they are building with you), PLEASE make it clear what YOUR expectations are. This is where a great agency would benefit you! Your first conversation with them would be where you stand on your base fees, benefits, selective reduction, abortion and everything that is near and dear to your heart. An agency would find Intended Parents who would be the right fit for you. A great agency would do your homework with you...supporting you every step of the way. If you have questions or concerns your agency should be there to answer for you. But remember, like a finding a good match with Intended Parents you have to find a great match with an agency. Don't forget to do your homework there as well. Surrogacy is a life changing experience, good or bad, and you have a duty to listen to your instincts and follow your intuition.

 

 

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Are Surrogate's "Playing God? Just My Thoughts...

 

 

 

How many times have you heard as a surrogate that "you are playing God!"? The common phrase here is "Basically, if God wanted Intended Parents to have children they would get pregnant on their own. If that wasn't a possibility then they, the Intended Parents, should adopt." 'Surrogacy' is preventing them from looking at adoption as an option by a woman offering a healthy body to carry their child. Some child out there would be homeless because of surrogacy! A stunning conclusion, I know. And comments like that may make a person pause and think...but often it will not change minds. 

 

     So here are some of my views on the GOD issue. Surrogates are not playing God. Egg Donors are not preventing adoptions from taking place. Reproductive Endocrinologists and Embryologists are NOT pretending to be God. We are all using the gifts that said God gave us. We are using our brains and our bodies to make and give life. And if you are really REALLY religious,  are we not making another follower of God? A Catholic? Baptist? Jew? Methodist? add your religion here_______! And What about all the other medical marvels happening in the world? Heart transplants? Kidney donations? Bone marrow donations? How about blood transfusions? Are these not prolonging or enhancing life? And doesn't a new human being, a very much wanted baby, make a life complete for those parents who desire to enhance THEIR own existence?

 

     One last thought...would any "God" really allow a human to take the credit for our own creation? I think not!

 

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Frequently Asked Questions About Washington State Surrogacy Laws: Guest Post By Christina Park, Esquire

Christina Park is a reproductive attorney and founder of the Law Offices of Christina Park in Seattle. She graduated from Yale Law School. Christina assists intended parents, egg donors, embryo donors, and surrogates and is proud to help build families. 

We are considering surrogacy. What legal issues in WA state should we be aware of? 

It is highly recommended that the intended parent(s) and the surrogate enter into a written surrogacy agreement. This is true even if the surrogate is a friend or relative. 

Surrogacy agreements describe the terms of the arrangement in detail, outline each person’s rights and responsibilities, and document your wishes for who will be the child’s legal parents (with parental rights and duties under the law). 

Surrogacy laws are relatively new and untested. It is difficult to predict the outcome of court cases in this area of law. If disagreements do arise, Washington courts will likely examine the written agreement to understand your intentions and resolve disputes. 

It is important to document the terms of the surrogacy arrangement in your contract. This can provide you with additional confidence and security (both during and after the pregnancy). A qualified reproductive attorney can help you prepare the contract. 

What issues will the legal agreement cover? 

By addressing key issues and potentially sensitive topics, the legal agreement can help set clear expectations from the start and prevent disputes in the future. Surrogacy agreements address several issues, including the following: 

Parents: Who will be the child’s legal parents, with parental rights and responsibilities? 

Payment:What will the surrogate be paid? (In Washington, surrogates can only be reimbursed for pregnancy expenses, actual medical expenses, and attorney fees). 

Involvement:How will the intended parents be involved (for example, with important decisions related to prenatal care and testing)? 

Unexpected Events: What happens if one or both of the intended parents die before the birth? Who will have custody of the child? 

Future Contact:Will there be future contact between the surrogate and intended parents? If so, under what circumstances? 

Can we pay a woman to be our surrogate?

In Washington, you cannot compensate a surrogate. Washington courts will not uphold an agreement to compensate a surrogate; it would be considered a gross misdemeanor. However, you can reimburse the surrogate for her pregnancy expenses, actual medical expenses, and reasonable attorney fees for drafting the surrogacy contract. 

We’re a married same-sex couple, and our child will be born to a surrogate. Do we need to adopt? 

Under Washington law, both spouses in a marriage (including same-sex marriages) are presumed to be the legal parents of a child born during the marriage. However, other states may not recognize this parentage for same-sex spouses. 

If one spouse is not genetically related to the child, you should consider an adoption to establish and confirm parental rights. An adoption proceeding can provide additional peace of mind and help ensure that both parents receive full parental rights, even if they move outside of Washington State in the future. 

I’m single, and my child will be born to a surrogate. Do I need to adopt? 

If you are single and not genetically related to the child (your eggs or sperm were not used to conceive the child), you should consider an adoption or parentage proceeding to confirm your status as the child’s sole parent. 

If your eggs or sperm were used to conceive the child, you may still want to consider a parentage proceeding to establish that the surrogate is not the legal parent. This also protects the surrogate from having financial obligations to support the child. 

Do the surrogate and intended parents need separate attorneys? 

It is highly recommended that the intended parents and the surrogate be represented by separate attorneys. This makes it much more likely that the surrogacy contract will be seen as legally valid, if you ever wind up in court. It is in the best interests of everyone involved to hire separate attorneys for the intended parents and surrogate. Typically, the intended parents pay all attorney fees (including fees for the surrogate’s attorney). 

What happens after I hire an attorney? 

The intended parents’ attorney will collect the necessary information and prepare the first draft of the surrogacy agreement. The surrogate’s attorney will review the draft agreement and may request changes. 

You will have the opportunity to read and review the legal agreement. You can discuss questions and concerns with your attorney, or suggest revisions to the agreement. 

Typically, meetings with your attorney may take place either in-person or by phone.

The entire process can take 1 to 4 weeks, depending on how quickly the agreements are read and approved by the surrogate, intended parents, and their respective attorneys.

 

Disclaimer:  The information provided here is for educational purposes only. The information is general in nature and may not apply to your specific situation. Before taking further action, you should consult a qualified attorney in your state.

 

 

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Egg Donation 101: Frequently Asked Questions About Washington State Laws: Guest Post By Christina Park, Esquire

Reproductive Laws In Canada: Guest Post By Christina Park, Esquire

Christina Park is a reproductive attorney and founder of the Law Offices of Christina Park in Seattle, WA. She graduated from Yale Law School. Christina assists intended parents, egg donors, embryo donors, and surrogates and is proud to help build families. 

Here in Seattle, WA it's not uncommon for fertility clinics to work with intended parents from Vancouver, BC. In my legal practice, I have worked with Canadian clients who travel to Washington State for egg donation / in vitro fertilization procedures. In this article, I will provide an overview of Canadian laws on egg donation, surrogacy, and embryo donation. 

Is egg donation legal in Canada? 

Yes. Egg donation is legal in Canada, but it is illegal to purchase eggs from a donor (or anyone acting on the donor's behalf). Compensation is prohibited, but the intended parents can legally reimburse the egg donor for egg donation expenses.  

Is surrogacy legal in Canada? 

Yes, but with significant restrictions. In Canada, commercial surrogacy (which involves payment to the woman for serving as a surrogate) is illegal. However, altruistic surrogacy without compensation is allowed. The intended parents can reimburse the surrogate for her reasonable pregnancy expenses. 

What else should I know about surrogacy in Canada? 

In Canada, it is illegal to: 

• Advertise that the intended parents will pay the woman for acting as a surrogate. 

• Pay someone for arranging the services of a surrogate mother. 

• If there is reason to believe that a woman is under age 21, it is illegal to counsel her to become a surrogate mother. 

Do surrogacy laws vary among provinces? 

Yes. Canada has federal laws governing surrogacy, but each province has its own set of rules regarding what happens after the child's birth. Some provinces are considered more surrogacy-friendly than others -- for example, Ontario and British Columbia. On the other hand, Quebec is unfavorable to surrogacy and often avoided by intended parents for this reason. 

Is embryo donation legal in Canada? 

Similar to egg donation and surrogacy, embryo donation is legal in Canada. However, the embryo cannot be purchased or sold for compensation, according to the Assisted Human Reproduction Act. 

*Disclaimer:  Christina Park is licensed to practice law in Washington State. This blog post is for educational purposes only. Please contact a qualified Canadian lawyer for advice on Canadian legal issues. 

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Save 25% In Honor of National Infertility Awareness Week: LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting is Offering Amazing Discounts

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week and the theme is You Are Not Alone. LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting has always promised to stand by the side of those needing support in their family building journeys especially for those needing to complete their family via Surrogacy. If you need guidance and education on the subject of surrogacy, LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting is offering a discount on our most popular 3-5 hour consulting package plus the free 40 minute phone call that will change your life. Mention this blog post and receive a 25% discount this week only. You can set up a consultation for a future date and pay in advance but this offer ends on April 25th! We look forward to hearing from you and assisting you on your journey to parenthood!

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Please Don't Use This to Prank ANYONE on April Fools Day--The Always Positive Pregnancy Test

Frankly, when I saw this Always Positive Pregnancy Test I thought what a horrible joke to play on anyone. And then I remembered why I was thinking that...because I work with infertile couples all the time! People who have been trying for years to have a baby of their own and now have to go even one step further and work with a surrogate. Or an egg donor. Or both! It will never be the "Right Time" to use this test. (That can be activated by any liquid to show up positive). Please think before you play any pranks like this because it's never fun to be on the is she/isn't she roller coaster ride. 

Check Out Dr. Michael Feinman's New Website for Those Who Experienced Failed IVF in the Past: IVF Implantation Failure Clinic

Implantation Failure is often a misunderstood area of IVF (in vitro fertilization). There are many couples and singles who are desperate to conceive a child and often turn to the Internet for answers where there is much misinformation and impossible promises by those wanting to take advantage of vulnerable patients.  

There are several aspects that contribute to implantation failure and these issues could involve the uterus, the embryos, or the combination of how the embryos react to the uterus.  

Dr. Michael Feinman is a renowned Reproductive Endocrinologist who has performed one of the first transvaginal ultrasound guided egg retrievals in America and the first in New York. He also developed one of the first anonymous egg donor programs in the world, at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York in 1987, and has been featured on the cover of the New York Times and ABC Evening News. Dr. Feinman is the medical director of HRC and has spent his career assisting his patients with their goals of building a family.

This website, IVF Implantation Failure Clinic will share just a little of how Dr. Feinman can assist you and will hopefully encourage you to call his offices and speak directly with him on how he can help you achieve the dream of having a family of your own no matter the issues you have faced in the past. 

Starting TODAY:Infertility Busters for the Stressful Holiday Season Tele-Summit! Fertility Advise That Actually Works!

 

Time is ticking!!Join me for Infertility Busters for the Stressful Holiday Season Tele-Summit! Fertility Advise That Actually Works! Starting TODAY – Infertility Busters, so you can Create the family you want! 

Just a quick reminder that I’m providing you with FREE access to a very special virtual event, Infertility Busters for the Stressful Holiday Season Tele-Summit! 

22 of the world’s top Infertility experts are joining together to give you guidance that really work how to grow your family with mind/body/spirit balance this Holiday Season? Advice that is tested and true…and actually works! 

I’m thrilled to be included in the panel and I can’t wait share the strategies and tips that have helped many of my clients grow their families. (I will be speaking on Surrogacy: Working with Family and Friends!) 

Register Now by clicking HERE and you’ll get immediate access to an amazing bonus gift!!  

There’s no cost to you and the tips you’ll receive would cost you THOUSANDS of dollars to secure on your own.  

So don’t delay, grab your spot now.  

P.S. Don’t miss out on amazing guidance that really works. 

 

Join Me for Infertility Busters for the Stressful Holiday Season FREE Tele-Summit December 9th - December 18th!

 

Let’s Bust open Infertility! Join me and 22 of the world’s leading Infertility experts for the: 

Are you frustrated with family and friends giving you advice that proves they just don’t understand what you are going through? Are you sick of trying to navigate the treatment options that promise the baby you want only to give you a big debt and no baby? 

What if you could hear from some of the world’s leading Infertility experts and get their best advice on how to grow your family with mind/body/spirit balance? Advice that is tested and true…and actually works! Now imagine having access to all of them for free! 

This is exactly what my colleague (and fertility thought leader) Renee Waggener at Xtraordinary Fertility has done with the Infertility Busters Tele-summit!– a virtual event like no other!

Starting Dec. 9th continuing through Dec. 18th , you’ll have access to incredible experts who will give you some tips you can use right away.

Don’t miss out - http://www.marketerschoice.com/app/?Clk=5347753 to register now! 

Infertility Answers~ Research Your Options Here

There are many reasons why you might be looking for an alternative way to create your family and Infertility Answers is designed to assist you in that very personal decision. If you are considering Gestational Surrogacy, Traditional Surrogacy, using an Egg or Sperm Donor or even Embryo Donation then we welcome you! Infertility Answers even has a section dedicated to pregnancy issues! As you read through this site you will find information that addresses these topics and so much more.

The Infertility Answers Mission...  

... is to assist you, as Surrogate, Donor or Intended Parent, to learn all you can about Third Party Reproduction so an informed decision can be made. Perhaps you have been frustrated at your attempt to gain knowledge through agencies, clinics or attorneys. Having your basic questions answered here will help you ask the right questions when the time comes to put your Assisted Reproduction plan into action.

Common Questions Regarding Third Party Family Formation Through Surrogacy

What do I do once I have found a surrogate?

There are several steps that need to be taken before and after you locate your surrogate.  Before your search, you need to have an idea of how much the entire process is going to cost and then assess your financial situation.  You need to know if you are going to use your eggs or need an egg donor.  Do you know the laws in your state, or do you need to go to another state?  Do you have a clinic to assist you and an attorney to assist you with contracts?

After you have educated yourself on these issues, you need to have your surrogate medically and psychologically screened through the clinic of your choice.  Contracts need to be drawn up, and support needs to be in place for the rest of the surrogacy pregnancy.

Are there legal issues surrounding surrogacy, or can I just orchestrate this on my own without legal counsel?

States regulate assisted reproductive technology procedures in a variety of ways.  For example, some forty-two states have a statutory scheme that addresses artificial insemination.  But only thirty-five of those 42 states clarify parentage.  There are only five states which recognize some regulation of egg donation.  Most states permit reasonable compensation for egg donation, but there is one state which prohibits compensation of any form.

Surrogate or gestational arrangements are addressed to some degree by at least twenty-three states, with one state prohibiting such arrangements.  Health insurance coverage for ART is required in twelve states.  And finally, Federal law provides some regulation of ART laboratories and requires that pregnancy rates for in vitro fertilization and egg donation cycles be reported to the Centers for Disease Control.  Further, professional societies like the ASRM lay out professional standards and guidelines for their professional members.

So you see, there are many issues surrounding assisted reproduction, not the least of which is ensuring that the contract confirms to state law so that the intended parents' names are placed on the birth certificate.  There are independent surrogates who have orchestrated these arrangements on their own.  However, when you research the web you can see many arrangements where carriers have withheld infants or Intended Parents have failed to pay medical bills and/or compensation.  Either of these behaviors are unacceptable.

A surrogacy arrangement is a two sided arrangement where problems can and will arise.  When a problem arises, your best protection will be a contract that provides a road map to resolve that problem.  We believe that the best interests of the parties and the baby is ensured before the transfer by using an attorney who is skilled in this area. 

What are my rights once the surrogate is pregnant?

Your rights are limited by the contract you have with your surrogate. She is pregnant with your baby but retains full control of her body. That is why mutual trust and the legal agreement are so important. 

I want to be a surrogate, what are my rights?

Like the intended parents, your rights are limited by the contract you have entered into.  There are, however, certain things which you shouldn't have to worry about.  First, you shouldn't have to worry that you are being billed for medical procedures.  Second, you shouldn't be worried that your credit rating is being affected.  Third, you should not have to worry that your monthly reimbursement for your time and risk will be late or not paid.  You are the surrogate, not an investor in a birthing process.

You should expect to walk away from a successful surrogacy without having to pay anything out of your pocket and having received everything that was promised in the contract.  Conversely, your intended parents should not have to worry that you will act in a manner detrimental to the pregnancy.  Since every Surrogacy Agreement has a section which would require you repay the intended parents for detrimental actions, it is important for you to have an independent attorney review the contract on your behalf.  

How involved will I, the intended parent, be with the growing pregnancy?

You are as involved as you and your surrogate agree to be.  Often times you can be fully involved by attending all doctor's appointments and having several visits with your surrogate and her family.  When time constraints and geographic location make that type of closeness impossible, you can use the telephone and email as alternate forms of communication. 

Can I be present at the birth?

If you and your surrogate have agreed that you can attend the birth then that is what you can expect.  All of these issues are agreed to and placed on your legal agreement before the surrogate goes to transfer. 

What if the surrogate won't give up the child?

You hardly ever hear of a gestational surrogate trying to keep a child. In a gestational surrogacy, with no genetic connection to the infant, there is a presumption that the court will automatically place the baby with the Intended Parents.  A traditional surrogacy is different because the Carrier is biologically related to the child.  A court of law will have to terminate her rights, replacing her name with that of the Intended Mother.  The intended father, meanwhile, being biologically related to the child, will have his name immediately placed on the birth certificate. 

Will the surrogate have any rights to the child once the baby is born?

A traditional surrogate will go through a termination and thus will lose any rights.  In most states, a gestational carrier never had rights because she has no genetic connection to the child. 

How do I tell my child about the surrogate mother?

The answer depends on the child and the family structure.  Just as in an adoption, the determinate will be when the child possesses the maturity to understand the implications of surrogacy.  Most likely it will be many years to come before you are faced with that question. There are several books called Love Makes a Family that help parents share the story of their childrens' conception via egg donation, surrogacy or adoption. 

Above are general questions that are often asked by Intended Parents.  If you have any questions that you feel need to be answered please visit LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting and contact us through our Contact Us Page. 

Remember to discuss these and other issues you may have with your own legal advisor or mental health professional.