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This is the LAST day of the National Infertility Awareness Week for this
year and today we have Two 2 hour phone sessions with a LaMothe Surrogacy
Consultant. One 2 hour session for those Intended Parents considering
Surrogacy and one 2 hour session for a woman and her partner who is considering
becoming a surrogate mother. This is an invaluable resource that you can
use to educate yourselves on this amazing process. Normally we only work
with IP's and their chosen but in this case we are happy to speak to women who are considering surrogacy (un-matched) as well!
A little about LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting:
Our LaMothe Surrogacy Consultants are dedicated to giving Intended Parents and Surrogates the education and tools needed to make knowledgeable and fact based decisions regarding their Third Party Family Building Options. The old adage 'you don't know what you don't know' is very true in the case of surrogacy arrangements. Deciphering all of the overwhelming information, surrogacy programs, laws, and relationship concerns are what our expert consultants are trained to do. Let us take the stress of figuring out how this 'whole thing works' by contacting LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting today.
LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting is NOT a matching service. We do not match Intended Parents, Recipient Couples or Singles with Traditional Surrogates, Gestational Carriers or Egg and Sperm Donors. Instead we prepare Couples and Singles, based on individual needs, to find their way through the maze of Third Party Family Building Options. We work to provide information and education on how the surrogacy process works, who are the professionals that Intended Parents will meet and hire and the questions that they need to ask during each step of the surrogacy journey.
Please check out our website HERE: http://lamothesurrogacyconsulting.com/welcome_home
How you can WIN: You can "LIKE" our facebook pagehttps://www.facebook.com/LaMotheSurrogacyConsulting?ref=hl LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting and then comment and "Like" the item that you want to win. Although there are new items every day, you can enter to win each and everyone. The contest ends at midnight on April 27th and all winners will be notified by April 29th!
I just wanted to offer you
a few resources to get you started. I will delve into adoption and fertility
treatments separately as I continue to post. If you have specific questions
about my path to becoming a mother, please feel free to email me
directly!
(Let's not forget LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting and Infertility Answers! Two great places to gather information and support!)
New Life Agency, Inc. has been a trailblazer in making infertility treatment available to more and more people the world over. The company’s innovative Assisted Reproductive Insurance Program® (ARI) has been nothing short of revolutionary in its comprehensive, affordable coverage for maternity, in vitro fertilization treatment, patients, intended parents, surrogates and egg donors.
Now, immediately following its recent dramatic price reductions
across its broad offering of insurance programs, New Life is once again breaking new ground. It’s new IVF Insurance Payment Plan ProgramSM is the only one of its kind in the U.S., and available to patients and hopeful
parents across the globe:
Under the IVF Insurance Payment Plan
Program:
Medical advances in alternative forms of reproduction are easily outpacing the
culture, leaving same-sex couples sometimes facing years of frustration.
Same-sex couples starting families are headed to primetime in The New
Normal, a fall sitcom from NBC based on two gay men looking to start a
family with the use of a surrogate. It’s one of the first expansive and
relatable looks into the process. But a local affiliate station in Salt Lake
City, Utah banned the comedy because it worries that this show about families is “inappropriate” to be watched by families.
Even in the show, Bryan and David must contend with the surrogate’s bigoted grandmother. The New Normal might be, as Jonathan Kipp of Oregon Reproductive Medicine, a leading fertility clinic for LBGT couples, “another step in showing Americans that our country’s families are diverse.” But it’s also a hint at what couples who try surrogacy experience when confronted with a culture not yet prepared for a “new normal.”
According to U.S. Census data from 2010, an estimated one-quarter of all same-sex households are raising children. The Census didn’t ask how many used alternative reproduction. But for those couples, the expensive process comes with a host of frustrations and little support during the search for a donor.
Just how expensive — costs associated with alternative reproduction run steep and can prove to be challenging for couples.
• Surrogate fees range from $20,000 to $40,000.
• Insurance coverage for the surrogacy cycle ranges from $15,000 to $25,000.
• Program coordination fees for surrogacy range from $15,000 to $22,000.
• Egg donor fees range from $5,000 to $10,000.
• Program coordination fees for egg donation range from $4,000 to $8,000.
• Doctor's office fees, labs, medications, and the like range from $13,000 to $20,000 and more.
• There will also be incidentals such as attorney fees, psychological and genetic consultations, complication insurance policies for donors and travel expenses that could add an additional $1,500 to $5,000 and up.
April Nelson, 38, an attorney, and Margaret Fiore, 49, a corporate trainer, of Mayfield, Md., began discussing whether to have kids several years into their relationship. The couple of seven years opted for IVF and now have twins, a boy and a girl named Addison and Avery, who are now almost 4 years old.
Nelson and Fiore’s journey began in the summer of 2007 when first exploring
how to get pregnant "the old fashioned way," Nelson jokes, referring to simply
using anonymous donor sperm for insemination. The couple encountered their first
hurdle, however, when it was determined by doctors that Fiore's likelihood of
producing a viable egg was minimal because of her age and hormone levels.
Then the couple spent a few months considering options, and with Nelson still
midway through law school and Fiore having always wanted the pregnancy
experience, they decided to try in-vitro fertilization (IVF) using eggs from
Nelson implanted in Fiore.
"The process was exciting and terrifying and exhausting all at the same
time," said Fiore. There were periods when both were on injection hormones and
making multiple visits each week to the fertility clinic. The couple underwent
mandatory counseling sessions to ensure they "knew what they were doing," and
Nelson had to participate in even more assessments required for egg donors. The
clinic was open affirming, but neither its policies nor the law were truly
prepared for how to "categorize" them.
You can read the entire article here. You can learn all about Surrogacy and more at A Family of My Own Conference. I hope to see you there!
Do you know someone trying to have a Family of their Own? Find out how to make it possible
by joining me, Sharon LaMothe of LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting, and get all the
information you need to become a family at Family of My Own Fertility & Adoption Conference on Saturday, September 29 at the Wyndham Glenview Suites.
This is the premier event in Illinois that will bring together top medical professionals and
industry experts in one room for one day.
Couples who are trying to start a family, but have questions, reproductive health and adoption experts will be available to answer questions on the latest advances in fertility as well as adoption. In addition, the business expo will feature
leading companies that will showcase products and services relevant to fertility and adoption. Sponsors of the event to date include aParent IVF, Fertility Centers of Illinois, InVia Fertility and Walgreens and to register for the event visit www.AFamilyofMyOwn.com
Finally! A book that explains Egg Donation in away that doesn’t make people run from sheer information overload! The Insiders Guide to Egg Donation by Wendie Wilson-Miller
and Erika Napoletano is clear and concise. I loved the fact that in each chapter there are helpful hints, checklists, and highlighted segments that allow the reader to revisit the most relevant parts to each section.
With chapters entitled ‘Beyond the Nest- when Hearts and Science Collide, Circling the Nest-The Ovum Donation Cycle, and Readying the Nest-Transfer and Beyond Wendie and Erika are able to guide Intended Parents and Recipient Couples through the egg donation process in a way that covers every concern and issue.
The letters, real life stories and comments told throughout these pages are what really make this book one to read. I found myself feeling a connection with the donors who give
the most precious part of themselves (and being a past Gestational Surrogate, I
can relate!). The information is accurate and yet simple to understand so even
if this is the first book on egg donation that you have ever read you will
understand the process thoroughly.
Another wonderful addition to The Insiders Guide to Egg Donation is the Appendixes A-H and a wonderful Glossary make this book THE ONE to keep on hand while going through
the egg donation process.
I highly recommend The Insiders Guide To Egg Donation and happily congratulate both Wendie Wilson-Miller and Erika Napolitano for a book that will support and guide many
parents-to-be for years to come!
Please join us for Fertile Action’s June 14, 2012 Gala in Los Angeles, CA: A Visionary Evening featuring:
2011 Golden Globe Winner for Best Song (Sung by Madonna!) the fabulous, Ms. Julie Frost!! We are so grateful to welcome her voice and songwriting ability to our special evening.
And back by popular demand is the fabulous Ms. Lisa Hochberg with a brand new Tasty Ta Ta’s performance! Lisa’s surrogate will be about to give birth to Lisa’s baby boy so let’s cross our fingers he does not come early!
And honoring the following amazing angels in the lives of Fertile Action patients:
The Skirball Cultural Center (Sit down dinner!)
Ahmanson Ballroom
2701 N. Sepulveda Blvd
Los Angeles, CA
Event begins at 6:30pm
Carla Lewis-Long’s first book, WHY I’M SO SPECIAL: A BOOK ABOUT SURROGACY rated a 5 star review by surrogacy expert, Sharon LaMothe on Amazon.com. A good accomplishment, but Carla didn’t feel as the full story was told. According to U.S. Census, there's a growing number of same-sex parents in America today: between 1.5 million and 5 million, in 1976, that number was estimated to be 300,000 to 500,000. And a recent report by CNN, stated that children with same-sex parents should be prepared for questions from strangers and classmates. "After writing my first children's book on surrogacy, I realized that the majority of people that use surrogates are same sex couples and I wanted them to also have a book to read to their children about their journey.” So on December 19, Carla releases the second volume, WHY I’M SO SPECIAL: A BOOK ABOUT SURROGACY WITH TWO DADDIES (AuthorHouse ISBN:9781468500073), and introduces 9 year old, Tyler Simone Newman, who illustrates the book.
Surrogacy for two dad households have been bolstered by the recent news of celebrities such as Neil Patrick Harris having twins Harper Grace and Gideon Scott in October 2010, Ricky Martin having twins Valentino and Matteo in 2008, and Elton John getting the best Christmas gift of all, Zachary Jackson Levon one year ago.
According to the advocacy group, Resolve, 7.3 million people in the U.S. are affected by infertility. Carla Lewis-Long’s fertility issues led her to Creative Family Connections, which helped find a wonderful surrogate to carry her baby. Her first book, Why I’m So Special: A Book About Surrogacy is a story for all parents who used a surrogate to share with their young children, to let them know just how special they are. The second installment focuses on the two dad household and how that journey may be explained to the children.
Besides being a loving mom to Makana Elliott Long, Carla Lewis-Long is VP, Distribution for nuvoTV. She has spent 17 years in television, working at networks such as AmericanLife TV, Oxygen, and USA Network. CableFax Magazine named her as one of the "Most Influential Minorities In Cable."
For more information, visit http://carlalewislong.com
Follow on http://twitter.com/surrogacystory
Like on http://facebook.com/abookaboutsurrogacy
Helen Adrienne, Licensed Certified Social Worker and certified hypnotherapist, is a general therapist who specializes in infertility counseling, couples counseling for infertility, mind/body stress reduction for infertility and gynecological and reproductive issues.
Ellen Golding, MA, MFT (http://www.ellengolding.com), a Los Angeles based psychologist, uses mind body medicine for clients dealing with infertility issues. Golding gained specialized skills through infertility mind body training at the Harvard School of Mind Body Medicine Infertility Program. The Centers for Disease Control estimates that the number of women in the US with impaired fecundity tops 7.3 million or 11.8 percent. While most people focus on the physical aspects of infertility, the mental health consequences and remedies are just as important.
“Infertility often makes women feel out of control – they become preoccupied with getting pregnant and that’s all they can think of. It can be incredibly taxing, emotionally and mentally, on a woman’s psyche,” says Golding. She added that, “Counseling can ease the stress, anxiety and depression that often comes during this very difficult time.” Some therapeutic infertility tips include:
• STRESS - Struggling with infertility can be extremely stressful. Make sure you have some healthy ways to unwind like exercise, yoga and meditation. Volunteering can also help by giving to others.
• DEPRESSION - Depression often goes along with infertility. It can be a very sad time, and women often feel alone even with a husband or partner’s support. It helps to admit that you are depressed and to talk about it with a therapist who specializes in infertility issues.
• ANXIETY - Especially for women who are in the midst of infertility treatments, it can be a very anxious time waiting to find out if the treatment worked or not. A therapist can help with coping techniques. Teaching the Elicitation of the Relaxation Response, Mind/Body Principles
• COUNSELING - Talking with a professional or joining groups of women who also want to be moms and suffer from infertility helps.
• MEDICATION - After consulting with a professional, a woman might decide that the best course of action is psychiatric medication. It is important to note that the most successful treatment involves both medication and weekly therapy. Would be moms need to talk with their primary care physicians, however, before taking any medication that might affect a fetus.
For more information, visit www.ellengolding.com or call 310.908.9372.
Ellen Golding is a licensed marriage and family therapist who has a private practice in West Los Angeles. In her practice, she provides treatment in individual and group settings for adults and adolescents using psychodynamic, ego psychotherapies and cognitive/behavioral therapy. She is also a Behavior Intervention Specialist for the Compton Unified School District, where she specializes in-group and individual therapy for a diverse body of students. In addition, she is a part-time National University core professor and an adjunct professor at Argosy University and Ryokan College.
Nobody's Child by Austin Boyd was sent to me, along with 2 other copies to share, from Zondervan, for review.
First their Synopsis:
For Laura Ann McGehee, her body represents the one remaining financial resource that can save the family farm. For Sophia McQuistion, Laura Ann’s unusual sacrifice fulfills her own dream of having a child. Weaving together bioethics and faith in a heart-rending tale of love lost and loves found, Nobody’s Child dramatizes the ethical question we can no longer ignore in medicine: Just because we can do something … should we?
I know that many have been misinformed regarding WA state and the new laws. Commercial or Paid surrogacy is STILL not legal in WA state. I testified on the bill this year and last year. What happened is that the senate took everything surrogacy out of the HB 1267 bill and kept in the domestic partner portion in it and that is what passed. Here is a link of the summery to that final HB 1267 bill that will become effective July 22. Lets hope that next year offers a better solution for those needing surrogates here in the great North West!
Prospective Intended Parents and Carriers need to be aware that they are embarking upon an investment of time, money and risk when they enter into a surrogacy arrangement together. If you are a Carrier, you are taking time out of you and your family's life and investing that time toward your intended parent's dream of having a child. If you are an Intended Parent, you are asking someone to assume a certain amount of risk to help achieve your dream of having a child. Clearly, there are no guarantees offered by the Infertility Clinics. That being the case, prior to entering into this arrangement you should be aware that some risks can be minimized. Insurance or insurances are the best ways to offset some of the risk inherent to your relationship together.
The time to check these issues is now, not after you enter the Surrogacy contract. The reimbursements that will be paid to a carrier will depend upon whether or not you have insurance coverage. Your contract will need to address this issue, and make an appropriate accommodation. Pregnancy and birth are expensive. Health insurance can go a long way toward minimizing the financial risk. Depending on your state of residence, the costs will vary according to age, health and deductibles. Get the lowest deductible you can afford.
Insurance companies are in the business of making money and will go out of their way to not pay benefits. As an educated consumer, you must be sure that you have obstetrics coverage. Next be sure that you have been covered long enough that your pregnancy will not be deemed a preexisting condition for which benefits can be declined. Finally, check the "exclusions" section of the policy to be sure that a surrogacy arrangement does not take you out of coverage. If you are married and the health insurance is through your spouse's employer, check that policy. Occasionally when obstetrics is not part of the normal benefit package you can add it for an additional fee.
Another consideration of risk is your carrier's life. Why? Because there is a risk of death with any pregnancy and there needs to be a fund of money available to her family should she not be there for them. The recommended minimum of $250,000 of life insurance for a carrier is something to consider. This amount can be adjusted according to the carrier's profession, number of children she has and most importantly, what makes her family comfortable with the extra risk she is undertaking. From a legal perspective, having life insurance in effect through pregnancy helps provide financial insulation from a lawsuit should there be a birth related death.
A final consideration is insuring your carrier's ability to work. When a carrier is a stay-at-home parent, her duties have a certain value to her family. When a carrier has a job outside of the home, she helps provide another income stream and raises her family's lifestyle.
If a carrier becomes disabled due to surrogacy, the losses need to be replaced. One way to view the value of the loss is to determine the out of pocket cost to replace her contribution to the household. What is the cost of hiring a housekeeper, a cook or additional daycare while the carrier is on forced bedrest? Most Surrogacy Contracts address this issue with an out of pocket payment. Another alternative may be a short or long term disability insurance policy. Both may be considered to provide seamless coverage till the end of the contract, but certainly a long term disability would have the worst effect upon the carrier's financial well being.
Of course, by now you are wondering how much does this all cost? Costs will vary according to the carrier's age, health, height/weight ratio and lifestyle (smoker/non smoker) as well as the value placed upon the risk. The best time to get an idea of the cost and of any problems with underwriting is during the matching process so that the cost can be allocated within the Surrogacy Agreement.
LaMothe Surrogacy Consultants are dedicated to giving Intended Parents and Surrogates the education and tools needed to make knowledgeable and fact based decisions regarding their Third Party Family Building Options. The old adage 'you don't know what you don't know' is very true in the case of surrogacy arrangements. Deciphering all of the overwhelming information, surrogacy programs, laws, and relationship concerns are what our expert consultants are trained to do. They will take the stress of figuring out how this 'whole thing works'.
The key to many Intended Parents success in utilizing surrogacy as a family planning option is their Private In (your) Home Surrogacy Consulting which is offered to those who reside in Seattle, Washington, Rochester, New York, and Orlando, Florida (and surrounding areas for an additional travel fee). This comprehensive program is for those who desire to have the Surrogacy Process explained in the comfort and privacy of your own home. This program includes up to five hours of in-person consultation for up to 4 people and the materials to help with the decision to move forward with a Third Party Family Building Plan.
LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting is NOT a matching service. They do not match Intended Parents, Recipient Couples or Singles with Traditional Surrogates, Gestational Carriers or Egg and Sperm Donors. Instead LSC prepare Couples and Singles, based on individual needs, to find their way through the maze of Third Party Family Building Options. LSC works to provide information and education on how the surrogacy process works, who are the professionals that Intended Parents will meet and hire and the questions that they need to ask during each step of the surrogacy journey.
The options of starting a family through surrogacy are peaking. Demand and competition are driving the clinical costs down, and it's more affordable for couples who want their own biological child or who want to raise a newborn through the gift of surrogacy and egg donation.
The giver of the gift of surrogacy and the people who are accepting it have needs and expectations of how the relationship should develop. If a comprehensive plan hasn't been made, then complications can arise.
Let's start by giving a hypothetical situation. Mr. and Mrs. Smith need the help of a surrogate. They accept the offer from a friend, Mary. They feel comfortable with this friendship and trust that this woman will take care of herself during the pregnancy. Mary asks for a certain amount of money to cover costs during pregnancy, and the Smiths agree. In the back of their mind, Mary is being "paid" to carry their baby.
Mary gets pregnant via in vitro fertilization (IVF) and is now carrying twins for the Smiths. The Smiths call her every day to see how she is. They ask if they can do anything. They want to attend all the appointments. They ask the OB if Mary's working, eating, sleeping and sexual activities are OK for their babies.
Mary feels overwhelmed and micromanaged. After all, she has given birth before, and she knows what she is doing. Resentment sets in. Soon she is avoiding phone calls and gritting her teeth through appointments, and her husband is wondering what in the world they got themselves into! The Smiths feel her pulling away and become worried and start to mistrust her actions. They have a right to ask these questions. After all, they are "paying" her, and she is carrying their children. The rest of the pregnancy is filled with stress on both sides, as Mary now can't wait to give birth and get these people off her back.
The babies are born healthy and strong, and the Smiths take them home. Now Mary hardly EVER hears from them. It may be months before she even sees them, and they used to be close friends. She feels used and left behind, forgetting how she felt during the pregnancy. Regret sets in.
As for the Smiths, they are coping with two new lives! They are not getting the sleep they used to and bills from the surrogacy and new babies are piling up. Their lives have been turned upside down, and they can barely get time alone with each other let alone make calls to Mary.
Discussing Expectations
Can you see what happened? No one really discussed expectations. The before, during and after pregnancy relationship needs were not met, and therefore, a bad taste has been left behind where the beauty of families working together to bring a much-wanted child into the world should have been.
Before anyone makes the choice of surrogacy, certain aspects need to be thoroughly thought out and discussed. Here is a short list:
* Should a family member be asked to be a surrogate?
* Would a friend be a good choice? (If the answer is yes in either of these categories, then there is a separate list of concerns to think about.)
* What race, religion and marital status would you like a surrogate to be?
* What is the working status preference of a surrogate?
* What do you envision your role in the pregnancy?
* What are your expectations as to the amount of contact with the surrogate during and after the pregnancy?
* What are the financial expectations, and how will that be handled?
These questions are just the tip of the iceberg, but they open up a dialog and can make a huge difference in a surrogate relationship.
Having someone to mediate is also helpful. A successful surrogate arrangement can be done independently, but having a third party assist you with relationship management can be invaluable. Having a third party to handle the escrow account can be a great relief on both the intended parents and surrogate. Mixing the topics of money and babies is a sticky situation at best and should be avoided - if possible - in order to concentrate on the pregnancy and the surrogacy relationship. A well-managed escrow account can make all the difference.
What do I do once I have found a surrogate?
There are several steps that need to be taken before and after you locate your surrogate. Before your search, you need to have an idea of how much the entire process is going to cost and then assess your financial situation. You need to know if you are going to use your eggs or need an egg donor. Do you know the laws in your state, or do you need to go to another state? Do you have a clinic to assist you and an attorney to assist you with contracts?
After you have educated yourself on these issues, you need to have your surrogate medically and psychologically screened through the clinic of your choice. Contracts need to be drawn up, and support needs to be in place for the rest of the surrogacy pregnancy.
Are there legal issues surrounding surrogacy, or can I just orchestrate this on my own without legal counsel?
States regulate assisted reproductive technology procedures in a variety of ways. For example, some forty-two states have a statutory scheme that addresses artificial insemination. But only thirty-five of those 42 states clarify parentage. There are only five states which recognize some regulation of egg donation. Most states permit reasonable compensation for egg donation, but there is one state which prohibits compensation of any form.
Surrogate or gestational arrangements are addressed to some degree by at least twenty-three states, with one state prohibiting such arrangements. Health insurance coverage for ART is required in twelve states. And finally, Federal law provides some regulation of ART laboratories and requires that pregnancy rates for in vitro fertilization and egg donation cycles be reported to the Centers for Disease Control. Further, professional societies like the ASRM lay out professional standards and guidelines for their professional members.
So you see, there are many issues surrounding assisted reproduction, not the least of which is ensuring that the contract confirms to state law so that the intended parents' names are placed on the birth certificate. There are independent surrogates who have orchestrated these arrangements on their own. However, when you research the web you can see many arrangements where carriers have withheld infants or Intended Parents have failed to pay medical bills and/or compensation. Either of these behaviors are unacceptable.
A surrogacy arrangement is a two sided arrangement where problems can and will arise. When a problem arises, your best protection will be a contract that provides a road map to resolve that problem. We believe that the best interests of the parties and the baby is ensured before the transfer by using an attorney who is skilled in this area.
What are my rights once the surrogate is pregnant?
Your rights are limited by the contract you have with your surrogate. She is pregnant with your baby but retains full control of her body. That is why mutual trust and the legal agreement are so important.
I want to be a surrogate, what are my rights?
Like the intended parents, your rights are limited by the contract you have entered into. There are, however, certain things which you shouldn't have to worry about. First, you shouldn't have to worry that you are being billed for medical procedures. Second, you shouldn't be worried that your credit rating is being affected. Third, you should not have to worry that your monthly reimbursement for your time and risk will be late or not paid. You are the surrogate, not an investor in a birthing process.
You should expect to walk away from a successful surrogacy without having to pay anything out of your pocket and having received everything that was promised in the contract. Conversely, your intended parents should not have to worry that you will act in a manner detrimental to the pregnancy. Since every Surrogacy Agreement has a section which would require you repay the intended parents for detrimental actions, it is important for you to have an independent attorney review the contract on your behalf.
How involved will I, the intended parent, be with the growing pregnancy?
You are as involved as you and your surrogate agree to be. Often times you can be fully involved by attending all doctor's appointments and having several visits with your surrogate and her family. When time constraints and geographic location make that type of closeness impossible, you can use the telephone and email as alternate forms of communication.
Can I be present at the birth?
If you and your surrogate have agreed that you can attend the birth then that is what you can expect. All of these issues are agreed to and placed on your legal agreement before the surrogate goes to transfer.
What if the surrogate won't give up the child?
You hardly ever hear of a gestational surrogate trying to keep a child. In a gestational surrogacy, with no genetic connection to the infant, there is a presumption that the court will automatically place the baby with the Intended Parents. A traditional surrogacy is different because the Carrier is biologically related to the child. A court of law will have to terminate her rights, replacing her name with that of the Intended Mother. The intended father, meanwhile, being biologically related to the child, will have his name immediately placed on the birth certificate.
Will the surrogate have any rights to the child once the baby is born?
A traditional surrogate will go through a termination and thus will lose any rights. In most states, a gestational carrier never had rights because she has no genetic connection to the child.
How do I tell my child about the surrogate mother?
The answer depends on the child and the family structure. Just as in an adoption, the determinate will be when the child possesses the maturity to understand the implications of surrogacy. Most likely it will be many years to come before you are faced with that question. There are several books called Love Makes a Family that help parents share the story of their childrens' conception via egg donation, surrogacy or adoption.
Above are general questions that are often asked by Intended Parents. If you have any questions that you feel need to be answered please visit LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting and contact us through our Contact Us Page.
Washington State is giving another stab at passing a great bill into law (in my humble opinion), House Bill HB 1267. On Monday, January 24th, I arrived early at my states capitol in Olympia, ready to be heard. (Yes it was rainy but it is WA!)
Just in case you are drawing a blank, last year we tried to pass this same bill under different numbers, HB 2793. It didn't pass and so here we go again! Just a recap of what this bill stands for; HB 1267 expands and clarifies the rights and obligations of state registered domestic partners and other couples related to parentage AND establishes consistent standards and procedural safeguards for the protection of all parties involved in a surrogacy contract in this state and to confirm the legal status of children born as a result of these contracts. As things stand now, 'commercial' surrogacy is illegal but compassionate (unpaid) surrogacy arrangements are fine. However even women who are 'unpaid' are not protected and can be exploited. This law, the surrogacy portion of it, reads like a contract drawn up in any of the states that have laws and statutes regarding surrogacy already in place. But in Washington State issues that are 'suggested' in those contracts will be Mandated here. (read page 37).
I do have a couple of concerns here in regard to Traditional Surrogacy portion of this bill and in regard to the mandated disability insurance clause. But I think that those items will be discussed and hopefully cleared up before this bill hits the senate for a vote. (assuming it passes the House!)
Below is my testimony but know that I did ad lib a bit. I couldn't help myself after seeing several Intended Parents speak emotionally before me about the rigors and expense of going out of state in order to build their families via surrogacy. I could certainly agree with them, as you will read below!
"My name is Sharon LaMothe and I am the owner of an educational website on building a family through Assisted Reproduction Technology (ART) called Infertility Answers plus I am owner of LaMothe Services, a Reproductive Business Solutions Service and LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting, a Washington based consulting program to assist Intended Parents here in Washington (and other states) learn about the surrogacy process and what they need to do to make their dream of having a family via surrogacy a reality. I also owned a surrogacy agency in Florida which stopped taking new clients when I moved to the Seattle area in 2007.
Briefly, I am a past 2x Gestational Surrogate. I resided in New York State during my first surrogacy experience and because of the legalities in NY (very similar to WA states current laws) I was forced to leave the NY weeks before the twins were due and fly to Florida (where the laws are favorable for married couples) and give birth there in the Tampa Bay area. I gave birth via C-section so that operation added recovery time which kept me away from my husband and two young children a total of 6 weeks. Not only is it not wise to travel while pregnant, recuperating without your own family and friends around wasn't easy or desirable. However I was compelled to help my friends, the Intended Parents in this case, have the family that they always wanted. The contracts were drawn up in Florida and included some compensation. The psychological and medical screenings were done there as well as the actual embryo transfer. As you can see this took me out of NY state quite often at the IP's expense. I DID volunteer to be their Gestational Surrogate however it would have been MUCH less expensive and easier if I could have stayed in my home state not to mention my home town. (but we knew each other and they didn't want to work with a 'stranger')
My second surrogacy was for a same sex couple from Manhattan and although I had moved to Florida to run my now successful surrogacy agency with my business partner and to give birth, CT had passed a law where both fathers could be placed on the birth certificate. Because that was a favorable outcome for THEM I agreed to travel to CT for the birth of this second set of surrogate twins. I was away from my family once again for approximately 4 weeks and most of that in a hotel room at the Intended Parents expense. Needless to say that if Florida allowed both fathers to be on the birth certificate it would have been wonderful for all involved.
Because of my past experiences and those of other Surrogates and Intended Parents whom I had matched through my Florida Surrogacy Agency and knowing that Washington State does not allow compensated surrogacy arrangements, I have been working with couples who have been told that the only way they can have a biological child is via surrogacy. Often times the clinics have no further information to share and these intended parents feel like they are on their own with no guidance or information. They will turn to the Internet but swiftly find that they are overwhelmed with information that isn't understandable or pertinent to their unique circumstances. I have helped find agencies in states that they have family or friends in, find clinics that are cost effective, locate attorneys who are knowledgeable and experienced in contract negotiations and find mental heath professionals to help them through this emotional process. Some Intended Parents have family members or friends here in WA state who will waive any compensation and carry a baby for them. These people still need to have all the support and education they need to make an informed decision UP FRONT and that's where my expertize comes into play.
I feel that if this bill is finally passed into law we will see less travel out of our state and perhaps more people coming to WA to use the facilities that already offer services to families using assisted reproductive technology without the surrogacy component. (egg donation, IVF, IUI etc.) It would be more convenient, less expensive and conducive to great surrogacy relationships between IPs and the woman carrying a baby for them here in a state that would be supportive and have laws in place that would protect one and all."
I hope all my readers will support HB1267 and I will keep you posted on the results.
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Expecting 411, Baby 411 and Toddler 411 by Michele Hakakha, MD and Ari Brown, MD are wonderful books for the first time parent and for those with lots of experience! Not only are these books written by doctors they had an advisory board to help them and trust me, no detail is left out! These books are very well organized with sections and chapters and a clear question and answer format along with icons to indicate Helpful Hints, Red Flags, Old Wives Tales and Disturbing Material Ahead to name a few. The Baby 411 and Toddler 411 books have Insider Secrets and Feedback from the Real World. I highly recommend this entire set!
Do you want to WIN your own BRAND NEW set of these great 411 books? Here's how you do it! Visit Infertility Answers, look over the website and recommend it to someone you know(the recommendation button is at the bottom of each page) and then sign into the Guest Book! Leave a comment about the site and your name and e-mail address along with the date and you will be put in a drawing to have this entire set delivered to you by December 17th! This Contest starts today and will end on December 7th 2010. You will be contacted by e-mail on December 11th! Expecting 411 is signed by both authors!
Thank you and GOOD LUCK!
Traditional Surrogacy is a wonderful gift. One that involves even a bigger commitment then being a Gestational Carrier. Not only are you agreeing to be an egg donor you are carrying that fetus to birth and then giving your own biological child to another couple to raise and love. Not many can do that, including myself, without having second thoughts along the way. It is so important to have ongoing psychological support throughout the entire surrogacy especially in this case. I know several Traditional Surrogates who have lied to their own extended families about what type of surrogate they were. They would claim to be Gestational Carrier so that they wouldn't hear the arguments against giving up their mother's "grandchild' or being told how horrible they were for giving their own flesh and blood away to strangers. Who wants that pressure? they ask. The Traditional Surrogates that were open about it usually have planned a close relationship with the intended parents including full disclosure 'when the time comes', visits between the two families, and ongoing e-mail and phone contact. Sometimes that does work out and other times they are disappointed.
One of the fastest growing venues for seeking out an egg donor is the American college campus. While there has been considerable ethical debate surrounding the practice of charging more for the eggs of college educated, high IQ individuals, there has been little discussion of the difficulties encountered by potential parents who do not go through a donor location agency. Simply placing an advertisement in campus newspaper and waiting for someone to bite isn’t always as straightforward as it might seem. Here are several things to consider when attempting foregoing donor location agency:
1. You have limited means for requesting a psychological evaluation.
The mindset of the potential egg donor is crucial to the success of the transaction. Many donors don’t realize how physically invasive the procedures will be. Others are less likely to take the necessary precautions to avoid pregnancy during the fertility treatment cycle. Psychological screening by an experienced psychologist is necessary to protect both the donor and the potential parents. Agencies that seek out donors on a regular basis have qualified psychologists on staff to perform evaluations.
2. It’s very difficult to do a full background/medical check without the help of an agency.
Agencies perform extensive background checks. Some even go so far as to require donors to undergo DNA testing for common genetic abnormalities. These tests are obtained at a massively discounted, bulk rate. The added cost of arranging for these tests on your own will likely mitigate any savings you might have achieved by finding someone on your own.
3. Donor location agencies know the legal ins and outs of the donation procedure.
This final consideration is arguable the most important. Whenever you are legally contracting someone to undergo a medical procedure, the legal proceedings must be absolutely perfect. This insures that the rights of both parties involved are adequately protected. Having a private lawyer draft the documents is a somewhat risky proposition, as it’s unlikely that the lawyer will be as completely familiar with the process as an agency-hired legal representative would be.
All said, potential parents are less likely to encounter problems when they find donors through a donor location agency.
Bio: Alexis Bonari is a freelance writer and blog junkie. She is currently a resident education blogger and performs research surrounding College Scholarships. In her spare time, she enjoys square-foot gardening, swimming, and avoiding her laptop.
Surrogacy tends to be a very one sided affair. Everyone is so ready to jump to the aide of the surrogate, like some fragile little fairy.
I hear so often "You are such an angel for what you do." While I appreciate the thought, Surrogacy would not be possible without the IP, the hope and trust they put into someone else to carry their dream. The crap some of them have to put up with, spoon feeding compliments and presents into their surrogate to make her feel accomplished and spoiled enough, really makes me sick."
My response to this? I understand that you may be talking to the FEW women out there who have the audacity to take the vulnerable Intended Parent for a ride however, you would rarely find that happening when an agency is used and protocol is followed for this very delicate process. Your article makes it seem that the IPs are put on this planet to "allow" a woman to be a surrogate for them. Really? I think not. I think IPs would rather carry their own baby AND a woman inclined to be a surrogate would find some other outlet for her good deeds. As far as "spoon feeding compliments" and the like, people need to feel appreciated. Its all about the relationship and in ANY good relationship appreciation matters. You tell your daughter "great job helping your brother with his homework", your husband "thank you for taking out the trash", your mother "thanks for taking the kids for me tonight" and so on so why not a little acknowledgement for a job well done to a woman carrying a baby for 9 months for someone else? I also want to add that if a proper contract is in place, the relationship is on solid ground, and psychological evaluations were completed properly, there is no need for anyone to worry about "keeping the baby" which is very rare even if it is considered (by the surrogate).
I don't believe that surrogacy is a one-sided affair...it has many sides and many reasons for its existence and yes, sometimes there is drama but not over lack of compliments or gifts...it's all about respecting the relationship and that's what I teach my clients. No one needs to "suck it up". Where is the respect in that. Not just 'any woman' can be a surrogate just like not just any woman can be an egg donor. To even consider giving the gift of life to another couple through surrogacy is unique and takes a special person, supported by her special family to even consider such a gesture. And Intended Parents appreciate that fact. Without these women...there would be no surrogacy. Without Intended Parents there would be no NEED for surrogacy. THAT is the difference!
This is what I truly believe. That the need for Surrogacy came first and then a woman stepped up to the plate for that couple and said "I will carry your baby for you". 'SC' goes onto say that surrogates should feel thankful and blessed that they were chosen at all. That the Intended Parents are giving the honor for carrying a baby for them. Other comments included that surrogates shouldn't even be paid. One intended father actually called surrogates whores and bitches. (I am sorry for the profanity folks but it's a fact and his posts were removed after some very outraged surrogates replied) All because money was involved and I am sure his personal experiences.
I would like to point out that this discussion mostly centered around anti-agency people although there were some very good points made by those who supported surrogacy agency's in general. But I think that one of the roles of a surrogacy agency is to define the expectations of all parties before, during and after the pregnancy. Sure some things can and do change, but having a third party in the mix can be a huge help.
If you are looking for a simplistic way to explain to your toddler about his or her birth from surrogacy,then Why I'm So Special, A Book About Surrogacy by Carla Lewis-Long is a great place to start. Approximately 40 pages long, Why I'm So Special focuses on a Mom and Dad who wanted a baby and after much trying they head for a doctor who tells them about surrogacy. Once the Mom and Dad meet their surrogate, Bonnie, the baby 'is put into Bonnie's tummy' and it starts to grow. With simple language and great illustrations, any toddler will come away with the feeling that he or she was already planned and Mom and Dad were able to make their dream come true by finding someone to help them. (In this case a Gestational Carrier)
Prospective Intended Parents and Carriers need to be aware that they are embarking upon an investment of time, money and risk when they enter into a surrogacy arrangement together. If you are a Carrier, you are taking time out of you and your family's life and investing that time toward your intended parent's dream of having a child. If you are an Intended Parent, you are asking someone to assume a certain amount of risk to help achieve your dream of having a child. Clearly, there are no guarantees offered by the Infertility Clinics. That being the case, prior to entering into this arrangement you should be aware that some risks can be minimized. Insurance or insurances are the best ways to offset some of the risk inherent to your relationship together.
The time to check these issues is now, not after you enter the Surrogacy contract. The reimbursements that will be paid to a carrier will depend upon whether or not you have insurance coverage. Your contract will need to address this issue, and make an appropriate accommodation.Pregnancy and birth are expensive. Health insurance can go a long way toward minimizing the financial risk. Depending on your state of residence, the costs will vary according to age, health and deductibles. Get the lowest deductible you can afford.
Insurance companies are in the business of making money and will go out of their way to not pay benefits. As an educated consumer, you must be sure that you have obstetrics coverage. Next be sure that you have been covered long enough that your pregnancy will not be deemed a preexisting condition for which benefits can be declined. Finally, check the "exclusions" section of the policy to be sure that a surrogacy arrangement does not take you out of coverage. If you are married and the health insurance is through your spouse's employer, check that policy. Occasionally when obstetrics is not part of the normal benefit package you can add it for an additional fee.
Another consideration of risk is your carrier's life. Why? Because there is a risk of death with any pregnancy and there needs to be a fund of money available to her family should she not be there for them. We recommend a minimum of $250,000 of life insurance for a carrier. This amount can be adjusted according to the carrier's profession, number of children she has and most importantly, what makes her family comfortable with the extra risk she is undertaking. From a legal perspective, having life insurance in effect through pregnancy helps provide financial insulation from a lawsuit should there be a birth related death.
A final consideration is insuring your carrier's ability to work. When a carrier is a stay-at-home parent, her duties have a certain value to her family. When a carrier has a job outside of the home, she helps provide another income stream and raises her family's lifestyle.
If a carrier becomes disabled due to surrogacy, the losses need to be replaced. One way to view the value of the loss is to determine the out of pocket cost to replace her contribution to the household. What is the cost of hiring a housekeeper, a cook or additional daycare while the carrier is on forced bedrest? Most Surrogacy Contracts address this issue with an out of pocket payment. Another alternative may be a short or long term disability insurance policy. Both may be considered to provide seamless coverage till the end of the contract, but certainly a long term disability would have the worst effect upon the carrier's financial well being.
Of course, by now you are wondering how much does this all cost? Costs will vary according to the carrier's age, health, height/weight ratio and lifestyle (smoker/non smoker) as well as the value placed upon the risk. The best time to get an idea of the cost and of any problems with underwriting is during the matching process so that the cost can be allocated within the Surrogacy Agreement. ]]
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Purpose: Assure normal uterine development for Embryo implantation
The uterine lining, or endometrium, undergoes a specific sequence of changes after ovulation during the luteal phase of the menstrual cycle in order to develop a receptive environment for the developing embryo. Estrogen followed by progesterone secretion by the ovaries is crucial for the proper development of the lining. Abnormalities of uterine lining development, or luteal phase defects, may be documented with an endometrial biopsy. The may be associated with abnormal implantation.
1. Call the office with the onset of menses.
2. Call the office to schedule the biopsy 18 days later.
The biopsy is somewhat like a pap smear. After introducing a speculum into the vagina, the cervix will be wiped with betadine to cleanse it. A small catheter is then introduced into the cervix and the biopsy is performed. It takes a few seconds. If you would like, you may take some Anaprox or your RE can give you a local anesthetic.
Most patients tolerate the procedure well and feel it is similar to the HSG.
Below are 6 common tips you can use to facilitate the Surrogacy process with your clinic.
1. Your clinic will need to have the contract signature page at the very least (they may require the entire contract) on file or an affidavit from the contractual attorney, indicating that the contract is complete and has been signed by all parties.
2. The medical information forms need to have been signed by all parties and given to your clinic for their files.
3. The Surrogate Mother/Carrier is the patient. Information on medication, transfer, and follow up must be conveyed to her through the clinic and not the Intended Parents although they should be informed as well.
4. The Intended Parents need to make sure that they have a credit card on file with the clinic for all medication and procedures that involve the Surrogate Mother/Carrier and/or Egg Donor.
5. The Surrogate Mother/Carrier or Egg Donor should not receive ANY BILLS. She is not responsible for any payment of bills and this is usually stated in the contract between the Intended Parents and Surrogate/Egg Donor.
6. IVF costs should not be attempted to be billed through the Surrogate Mother/Carrier's insurance. (Blood tests, pap smears, OB appointments etc. are usually ok.) Remember the Surrogate Mother/Carrier is not the infertile woman and billing her for IVF costs can cost her the insurance policy and possibly pose insurance fraud accusations. Medicaid should not be used under any circumstance.
Sharon LaMothe
Infertility Answers, Inc.
http://infertilityanswers.org/
LaMothe Services, LLC
http://lamotheservices.com/
*Please note: Sharon LaMothe is not a MD, is not an attorney nor does she hold a mental health degree. All advice given is solely the experienced opinion of Ms. LaMothe. If you have any medical, legal or psychological questions or concerns, please contact your own Doctor, Attorney or Mental Health Professional.
I will be breif here because the link below says it all....
http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/10023.html
When you have a baby, one of the things that should be on your “to do” list is getting a Social Security number for your baby. The easiest time to do this is when you give information for your child’s birth certificate. If you wait to apply for a number at a Social Security office, there may be delays while we verify your child’s birth certificate.
So if you are about to have a baby, through Surrogacy, IVF, or without any help at all go to the hospital prepared with the information to start the Social Security wheels in motion!
Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net
Patricia Irwin Johnston, MS, is an infertility and adoption educator and advocate with over 30 years of experience as both a volunteer (with local and national advocacy groups in the field) and as professional (publisher at Perspectives Press, Inc.) in the field of challenged family building. She is the author of several award-winning books (the most recent, Adopting: Sound Choices, Strong Families won the 2009 IPBA Benjamin Franklin Award as best self-help book) and has herself been given several awards, including being named a 2007 Angel in Adoption by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption. A member of an extended family directly touched through five generations by adoptions, Pat and her husband live in Indianapolis.
Finally! A book that explores the relationship between surrogates (gestational carriers) and their Intended Mothers. Well written and full of real life examples, Dr. Teman draws on anthropological fieldwork among Jewish Israeli women and shares with her readers what many of us in the Third Party Family Building industry want all surrogates/carriers and their Intended Mothers to know: that being a Gestational Carrier has complex and varied emotions attached, not to the fetus but more likely to the intended mother and that, for the most part, the carrier is disassociated from the baby growing in her womb. Tamar, a surrogate, says it best "And that's why I say, I didn't just give birth to a baby, I gave birth to a mother." Shlomit, an Intended Mother also states, "I always say, my mother gave birth to me the first time, she gave me life. But my surrogate gave me life a second time."
Birthing a Mother is divided into four unique parts: Dividing, Connecting, Separating, and Redefining. The entire work here is brilliant and, as a past Gestational Carrier myself, I can relate to the many stories shared within each part quite easily. A reference of "a child through the mail" caught my attention and I thought about my first Intended Mother who, because of distance, was not a 'partner' in the pregnancy the way that she might have wanted. Perhaps she thought of her twins as mail order until I flew down to her so she could take part in the last few weeks of the pregnancy.
I am sure that Intended Parents will see their thoughts and fears reflected in Birthing a Mother The Surrogate Body and the Pregnant Self and be able to use this information learned to understand their own intimate relationship with their Gestational Carrier.
I had the wonderful privilege to review Mom and Dad and The Journey They Had! Written by Molly Rose Siobhan Summer and presented by Guess Who? Multimedia and Pacific Fertility Center: I really didn't know what to expect as the story begins with a 'traditional' family preparing to add child number two. They sing and dance all the while getting ready for their very special delivery. Near the end of this story, which starts out focusing on the importance of preparing to bring a baby home, Mom and Dad sit down with the soon to be 'big brother' and tell him about the problems they had conceiving him. In a very matter of fact manner the parents share how they went to a doctor and found a young woman to donate her egg. The main focus of the conversation is how he was the one they had been waiting for all along. The message was so subtle that really all a child listening to this story hears is that "you were always wanted and always loved and we were waiting for YOU".
I highly recommend this very engaging and heartwarming musical to any family who used assisted reproduction (egg donation) to have a baby of their own.
Sharon LaMothe
Infertility Answers, Inc.
http://infertilityanswers.org/
LaMothe Services, LLC
http://lamotheservices.com/
China has been using herbs to treat diseases for thousands of years. While there are many current studies that show the benefits of using Chinese herbs and acupuncture, it is hard to argue with millennia of trial and error. Gynecology and women's health are two of the oldest branches of Chinese Medicine. Consequently, formulas geared toward fertility and women's health have been finely-tuned and modified for modern times. The use of multiple herbs comprise a formula. The formulas are developed to treat diseases by treating the whole pattern. It is very rare that a single herb is recommended by itself. The reason for this is to prevent any single herb from "over doing it". For example: if you have a thin light period of shortened duration, a healthy period can be accomplished by taking a formula geared toward nourishing and moving blood. There may be three herbs in a formula that focus on nourishing but one or two that are going to keep your cycle regular.
Chinese herbs are all natural and are essentially berries, roots, twigs, nuts, and seeds. The herbs help to enhance the effects of the acupuncture treatment. They also treat the presentation on a deeper level, and often help a person to obtain gynecological health and increase the chances of pregnancy faster. Herbs/ formulas can be taken in the form of raw (which have to be cooked then the strained liquid drank), granules (powdered herbs dissolved in warm water and drank), pills, or tinctures (herbs steeped in wine or alcohol). For more information regarding different types of formulas and dosage please see http://southloopacu.blogspot.com/.
That can Herbs do for ART?
A common question is, "Are herbs safe to be taking with my already prescribed medications?" Chinese herbs have been around for a long time. When a well trained practitioner of Chinese Medicine and Herbs recommends a formula to someone we generally know what kind of reaction to look for. We are taught to recognize the possible reactions associated with each individual formula, as well as education in conventional medications and hormone therapy (ex. Clomid). You should not have adverse reactions on any formula. If you do, it means that it is not the right formula for you, or that it has to be adjusted to your needs. Unfortunately, there are not many studies out there that show herb vs. drug interactions. However, because we know what our formulas do, and because we are treating underlying conditions, we can take into account what your medications do and build a formula around your current medications. Generally speaking, being treated with acupuncture and Chinese herbs, before starting your conventional fertility treatments, menstrual cycles are often regulated within three to six months. Once your cycle is regulated your chances of getting pregnant will increase in conjunction with your conventional fertility treatments.
All dose changes of drugs are decided by you and your primary physician. NOT YOUR ACUPUNCTURIST. For those on multiple prescriptions, we will work with you and your medical practitioner to ensure the highest quality of health care.
For more information please contact South Loop Acupuncture
719 S. State St unit 3
Sago, IL 60605
office 312.554.8116
fax 312.554.8117
www.southloopacu.com
Sharon LaMothe
Fertility Answers, Inc.
http://infertilityanswers.org/
LaMothe Services, LLC
http://lamotheservices.com/
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