Surrogacy 101

Standing in Two Places by Ashley Dyson: A LaMothe Book Review

 I just finished reading Standing in Two Places by Ashley Dyson and as always, wanted to share my honest thoughts with you. Although it's a 'thin' book, only 161 pages in length, it is thick with emotion as Ashley describes the circumstances that leads her to the Center for Surrogate Parenting and ultimately to her goal of having her 2nd child with the help of her surrogate mother, Norah. 

 

Infertility is an individualized journey as is surrogacy. Each Intended Parent has their own coping mechanism and apparently Ashley has found hers in reading the likes of Erik H. Erikson (Identity: Youth and Crisis) and Betty Lifton (Journey of the Adopted Self) among several other books and she quotes them quite often amongst the 161 pages of her book...is that to avoid going to deeply into the relationship she has with Norah? Because there isn't much regarding the actual surrogacy relationship. (Ashley does recount her feelings on the paper work she receives from the surrogacy agency on how to treat her surrogate and frankly seems a little "put off" on page 108)

I believe that Intended Mothers/Parents who are going through the surrogacy process will relate to many of the emotions that are shared within the pages of this memoir. However, for me, it seemed a bit superficial only because there were so many other manuscripts, articles, books, and quotes between the pages and no real exploration (that I was expecting to find) regarding the relationship between the surrogate mother, Norah, and Ashley.

This is about one woman's story....it is far and away from any sort of "guide book". To complete and publish a book like this, about personal relationships, disappointments and hard decisions, has to be applauded. I recommend Standing in Two Places to those who want to take a peek into one woman's surrogacy journey, not to compare but to relate.

 

Sharon LaMothe
Infertility Answers, Inc.
http://infertilityanswers.org/

What to Expect from a Psychological Evaluation

 

 You may be asked to meet with a psychologist for a “psychological evaluation”.  A psychologist is different from a psychiatrist.  A psychiatrist has a medical degree (M.D.), and they primarily prescribe medication, although some also conduct psychotherapy.  A psychologist has a doctorate in psychology (a Ph.D. or Psy.D.), and they provide evaluations and conduct psychotherapy.   

If you are interested in serving as an egg donor or traditional surrogate, the aim of the psychologist is twofold.  The psychologist would like to gather as much information as possible so the recipient couple is prepared.  For example, should there be a family history for learning disabilities, the recipient couple can learn about possible warning signs.  Consequently, should their child develop academic difficulties, the recipient couple could then proceed with appropriate treatment.  It is important to remember that psychologists know there is no perfect person and that it is extremely rare for a person to have a family history devoid of any psychological problems.  The psychologist is trained to remain neutral, and is interested in providing acceptance and support.  A well-seasoned psychologist knows it is more credible if a person has had a bump or two along the road and/or if a donor/surrogate speaks of at least one relative who has experienced some sort of psychological problem.  It is best to be honest.  It is far better to honestly portray yourself and your family than to cover up what you fear could disqualify you.  It is likely you will be disqualified if you are inconsistent in your responses.   The psychologist is also interested in determining your stability.  Couples who seek out an egg donor or surrogate are very serious about wanting a successful outcome.  Some couples have tried to have children for five or even ten years, by the time they reach this step.  It is imperative you are certain you can and want to take this journey to completion.  The psychologist will try to determine whether or not you will follow through by not only asking you about your feelings about serving as an egg donor/surrogate, but also by looking for patterns of stability in your past.  The psychologist will also spend time discussing with you the psychological ramifications of serving as an egg donor/surrogate.  This portion of the interview is for your benefit.  Regardless as to your motivation, helping a couple have children is a wonderful gift.  Your desire to be a part of the miracle of life puts you in a very special, cherished category.  You deserve to understand how this experience might affect you.  It is also important you learn enough about this process in order to make the right decision for you.  Should you have any questions, please ask them.  Serving as an egg donor/surrogate is a decision that will affect you for the entirety of your life.  It will most likely be comforting for you to receive answers to any questions you might have. 

 If you are interested in serving as a gestational surrogate, it is likely you will be asked to meet with a psychologist.  Many of the same questions will be asked.  Although your genetic history will not come into play, the psychologist will want to get to know you, so s/he can describe you to the intended parents.  Additionally, the psychologist will be interested in determining if you will be able to provide a safe environment, both physically and environmentally, while you carry a couple’s baby.  The psychologist will also want to prepare you in many different ways.  Not only are there many issues to consider during your pregnancy, but it is of utmost importance to prepare you for what you might feel when you release a child to the intended parents.  This is one of the most selfless and beautiful gifts you can give to others.  At the same time, it can leave a tremendous void.  The psychologist will want to prepare you and your partner to make sure that as you think through your decision, you can determine what is best for you.

You may be asked to take a personality test.  Most often, the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory, 2^nd Edition (MMPI-2) is administered.  This is a long inventory that consists of approximately 500 true-false questions.  The test is sensitive to test-taking style.  Oftentimes, potential donors/surrogates feel nervous and at some level, feel they must be close to perfect. It is not true that you have to be nearly perfect to be chosen.  Nevertheless, this mindset sometimes leads people to “fake good”, or present themselves in an overly favorable light.  “Validity scales” will reveal this test-taking style, and you could invalidate your results.  This could disqualify you.  It is good to know that the inventory allows for “normal” stress, occasional sadness and anxiety, and for human frailties.  Besides the “validity scales”, the inventory also yields “clinical scales”, which group together to form a “profile”.  The profile describes your characteristic ways of interacting with the world.  If you respond in a manner that is open and honest, it is likely your profile will yield interesting information for you.  Many psychologists are willing to discuss your results with you, should you ask.

Recipient couples, also known as intended parents, are sometimes asked to attend an interview with a psychologist.  They are sometimes asked to take an MMPI-2.   For those of you who are considering using an egg donor, the interview with a psychologist is to make sure you have considered what it might feel like in the future, to have a child who is not fully genetically related to you.  Additionally, the psychologist may ask questions to determine your financial and emotional stability.  This is not done in a judgmental or critical manner.  Rather, this would be to help you plan well for yourselves, especially if you have never had children.

If you are considering using a surrogate, the clinical interview for the intended parents is designed to prepare you for the emotional and financial issues that may come up.  There are many things to consider when using a surrogate, such as whether or not you will provide health insurance, life insurance, or home support in case your surrogate becomes bedridden with a pregnancy. Additionally, it is wise to think ahead with regards to how you might handle a poorly formed fetus, or multiples that jeopardize the life of the mother and/or the babies.  Lastly, it is a good idea to discuss what expectations you have with regards to a relationship with the surrogate both during and after a pregnancy.  A trained psychologist can guide you through this dialogue, and inform you so you can make the best decisions for this very important and life-altering event.

 

Dr. Barbara Feinberg is a licensed psychologist.  She received her doctorate in clinical psychology from Florida Institute of Technology in 1985.  Dr. Feinberg has been practicing psychology in Tampa, Florida for over twenty-two years.  Dr. Feinberg works with adults and children.  Areas of treatment include infertility support, as well as coping with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, marital concerns, divorce and behavioral problems.  Dr. Feinberg also provides gifted and learning disabilities evaluations.  Additionally, she has specialized in reproductive issues for over ten years.  She has spoken around the state of Florida on psychological and emotional issues that pertain to infertility. Dr. Feinberg provides psychological evaluations for egg donors, traditional and gestational surrogates, and intended parents.  She works in conjunction with several egg donor agencies, surrogacy agencies and attorneys around the United States.  You may contact Dr. Feinberg at 15961 North Florida Avenue, Suite A, Lutz, FL   33549, or DrBarb222@aol.com. 

Tips: Working with your clinic

 

Below is a short list of documents and tips that you and your clinic will need to facilitate your ART case.

 

 

1. Your clinic will need to have the contract signature page at the very least (they may require the entire contract) on file or an affidavit from the contractual attorney, indicating that the contract is complete and has been signed by all parties.

 

2. The medical information forms need to have been signed by all parties and given to your clinic for their files.

 

3. The Surrogate Mother/Carrier is the patient. Information on medication, transfer, and follow up must be conveyed to her through the clinic and not the Intended Parents although they should be informed as well.

 

4. The Intended Parents need to make sure that they have a credit card on file with the clinic for all medication and procedures that involve the Surrogate Mother/Carrier and/or Egg Donor.

 

5. The Surrogate Mother/Carrier or Egg Donor should receive NO BILLS. She is not responsible for any payment of bills and this is usually stated in the contract between the Intended Parents and Surrogate/Egg Donor.

 

6. IVF costs should not be attempted to be billed through the Surrogate Mother/Carrier's insurance. (Blood tests, pap smears, OB appointments etc. are usually ok.) Remember the Surrogate Mother/Carrier is not the infertile woman and billing her for IVF costs can cost her the insurance policy and possibly pose insurance fraud accusations. Medicaid should not be used under any circumstance.

What is a Hystersonongram?

Saline Infusion Sonogram (SIS),
( sonohysterogram )
or
Hystersonongram

A saline infusion sonogram (saline sonography) is routinely performed to make sure that the endometrial cavity (inside of the uterus) appears normal.  Benign uterine growths, such as endometrial polyps or uterine fibroids, may develop in the cavity and create an environment that is hostile for implantation.  Scar tissue may also be identified with the saline infusion sonogram.  This procedure may be done as part of an evaluation for recurrent pregnancy loss or done prior to an IVF cycle.  It may also be done to evaluate causes of irregular or very heavy menstrual cycles and some types of chronic pelvic pain.  The saline infusion sonogram is scheduled early in a menstrual cycle, just after your period stops but before ovulation – usually between days 5-12 of the cycle.

The procedure is simple and usually takes 10 to 15 minutes to complete.

A speculum is inserted into the vagina and the cervix is cleansed with an antiseptic solution.

A special catheter approximately 1mm in diameter (about the size of a single strand of spaghetti) is inserted and slides through the cervical canal.

The ultrasound probe is placed in the vagina.

Sterile salt-water solution (saline) flows through the catheter into the uterine cavity.  This distends the endometrial cavity and allows the physician to see the entire cavity on the ultrasound monitor.  You may experience mild cramping at this point.

Several images of your uterus will be taken during the procedure, pictures of your ovaries may also be taken.

You will need to schedule an appointment with your physician to discuss any abnormalities that are seen during the procedure.

After the procedure you may continue to have mild cramping for a few hours.   You may also experience light spotting or watery discharge for as long as 24 hours after the procedure.  You should refrain from intercourse for approximately 48 hours.  If any symptoms other than those listed above are noticed, please call the office at which you are seen.

In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) and Acupuncture, By: Teri Calandra, L.Ac & Kristine Ward, L.Ac

In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) and Acupuncture, By: Teri Calandra, L.Ac & Kristine Ward, L.Ac

I love the fact that there are so many options for us to explore in regards to complimenting IVF treatments. Please read below and article from my guest bloggers Teri Calandra and Kristine Ward. Your comments are always welcomed!

In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) and Acupuncture
By: Teri Calandra, L.Ac & Kristine Ward, L.Ac
South Loop Acupuncture: Chicago, IL

Acupuncture has been the primary medical system in China for thousands of years. Many people are aware of the benefits of acupuncture for stress reduction, addictions, and pain management. However, most people are still in the dark about Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) as an adjunct to woman’s health and infertility.

Traditional Chinese Medicine includes acupuncture, Chinese herbs, and Tui Na (a type of Chinese medical massage). For the purposes of IVF and TCM the most beneficial combination is acupuncture and Chinese herbs. In addition, diet and lifestyle changes may also be recommended by the TCM practitioner.

Infertility and Traditional Chinese Medicine

It is important to mention that the diagnoses of conventional pathologies (such as infertility and polycystic ovarian syndrome) are not within the scope of practice for a licensed acupuncturist. Chinese Medicine views the inability to become pregnant and sustain pregnancy as a symptom of a number of different patterns that can be treated.

The accepted statistic of infertility according to the World Health Organization is that one in seven couples has difficulty in getting pregnant. Acupuncture and Chinese herbs can be conducive for increasing your IVF success rates, sustaining pregnancy, decreasing aches and pains, decreasing stress, and easing labor and delivery.

Chinese Medicine is also able to help with male infertility. It is recommended to combine acupuncture and Chinese herbs to increase sex drive, and increase the quantity and viability of seminal fluid.

What is Traditional Chinese Medicine and Acupuncture?

Traditional Chinese Medicine is a complete medical system for diagnosis and treatment. The individual is seen as an integrated whole. Every part, process, thought, and emotion within the individual is considered in terms of its contribution to the healthy functioning of the whole person. Each disease and disorder is not seen as an isolated event but as an outward manifestation of the whole person being out of balance.

Acupuncture is able to influence health and sickness by stimulating certain meridians or, “energy pathways” along the body. These “energy pathways” are stimulated using single use needles that are as thin as a hair. The goal of acupuncture is to put your body into a state that allows it to heal itself.

TCM (acupuncture & Chinese herbs) can also utilize stress reduction techniques that can have an effect on subtle and non-mechanical reasons for infertility. Irregular ovulation, low sperm counts, or undiagnosed causes respond the best to a combination of TCM and IVF treatments. IVF is the best means to obtain pregnancy in cases of tube blockage. However, acupuncture is able to keep the body in a homeostatic state to maintain the body as nurturing environment for the embryo. (Lyttleton 379)

The following are just a few of the many articles and books that support acupuncture and IVF.
- W. Paulus, M.D., M. Zhang, M.D., I. El-Danasouri, Ph.D., E. Strehler , M.D., and K. Sterzik,M.D, “Influence of acupuncture on pregnancy rate in patients who undergo assisted reproduction therapy”, Fertility and Sterility, Vol. 77, No. 4, Apr. 2002
o “The analysis shows that the pregnancy rate for acupuncture group is considerably higher than for the control group (42.5% versus 26.3%”
- Johnson, D “Acupuncture prior to and at the embryo transfer in an assisted conception unit-a case series”, Acupuncture in Medicine: Journal of the British Medical Acupuncture Society, Vol. 24, No. 1, pp 23-8, Mar. 2006
o “This was a success rate of 57.7% compared with 45.3% for patients in the IVF unit not treated with acupuncture”
- Liang L. O.M.D., Ph.D, L.Ac. 2003 “Acupuncture and IVF” Blue Poppy Press, Boulder , CO
- Lyttleton J. 2004 “Treatment of Infertility with Chinese Medicine” Churchill Livingstone, Edinburgh, UK
- Zhi-Qiang C, Li-Yun L. 2008 “Male and Female Infertility” People’s Medical Publishing House, Beijing, China

Teri Calandra and Kristine Ward both have a background in massage therapy, and graduated from Pacific College of Oriental Medicine with their Masters of Science in Traditional Chinese Medicine. They are both NCCAOM board certified and are licensed through the state of Illinois. Teri and Kristine have been working together since 2005, and they co-own South Loop Acupuncture in Chicago. South Loop Acupuncture offers acupuncture, Chinese herbology, and Nambudripad's Allergy Elimination (NAET). Together they have combined specialties in woman's health, digestive, and respiratory disorders, musculoskeletal dysfunctions, and allergies. Both practitioners have a strong belief that where one medicine leaves off the other picks up. They believe that it is important to work with all medical modalities in order to offer the greatest care to the patient.

Evaluation of the Infertile Couple Part One: By Dr. Barry Jacobs

This is a special 3 part series written by Dr. Barry Jacobs.If you are interested in reading more of his articles, visit Infertility Answers, Inc. where we have articles on pregnancy loss and endometriosis.

Sharon LaMothe

Evaluation of the Infertile Couple

By: Dr. Barry Jacobs

An evaluation of the infertile couple should seek to find all reasonable explanations for the presenting problem. Commonly, an infertile couple has more than 1 problem. It is important to consider even subtle ovulatory problems, as well as male factor issues and to evaluate the anatomy of the woman’s reproductive tract.



When should a couple seek evaluation and treatment for difficulty starting or growing a family? The general rule of thumb is that if the woman is younger than 35 years old, try for a year. If she is over 35, don’t wait more than 6 months to seek professional assistance. There is some good reasoning behind these suggestions. If a young healthy couple has unprotected intercourse (does nothing to prevent pregnancy), there is an 85% to 90% probability she will become pregnant within a year. After the age of 35, a woman’s fertile potential declines dramatically and progressively. In fact, about 70% of women over the age of 35 will require some assistance to become pregnant. After the age of 40, potential for a pregnancy falls off the cliff. Well, it is reasonable advice to try for 6 months to a year, if there is no known problem. Many couples have known issues which impair fertility. To me, it makes no sense to wait a year to pursue medical intervention if you already know there is a problem. Please remember that most issues impairing fertility do not totally prevent pregnancy. Most problems merely decrease the odds that a couple will achieve a pregnancy. It is also important to remember that the most anyone providing professional help can do is shift the odds in favor of the couple being treated. Another point that should be recognized is that most infertile couples have more than 1 problem. I try to try to identify all of them before developing a treatment plan.

Obviously, a woman cannot become pregnant if she does not ovulate. There are all kinds of things you can buy which claim to tell you if you ovulate. Well, not really. Let’s talk about some of them. A free recommendation is to look for copious clear egg white-like mucus coming from your vagina. That is cervical mucus. Production of cervical mucus is stimulated by estrogen. High estrogen levels can produce a lot of cervical mucus, but that really has nothing to do with ovulation. True, estrogens are high right before ovulation, but many women have high estrogen levels without ovulating.

Another technique which some people use to try to detect ovulation is to graph basal body temperatures. When you sleep, your body actually cools off a few tenths of a degree Fahrenheit. If you take your temperature before you get out of bed to use the toilet, even before you kiss your husband good morning, you will record the lowest temperature your body is all day – your basal temperature. The hormone made after ovulation, progesterone will cause basal temperature to raise a few tenths of a degree. There are 2 problems with this technique, other than forgetting to do it. One is that it provides no predictive value. The rise of basal temperature takes place a few days after progesterone production. By then, it is too late to try to become pregnant that cycle. An even greater weakness of the technique is that women can go through all the hormonal changes of ovulation without releasing the egg – ovulating. You won’t become pregnant that way. This is not an uncommon problem for infertile couples.

~Stay Tuned for Part Two~


Dr. Jacobs is a Reproductive Endocrinologist, practicing in Carrollton, Texas, a northern suburb of Dallas. He completed his residency training in obstetrics and gynecology at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, and remained at that institution to become its first fellow once Baylor achieved accreditation for an advanced training program in Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility. Dr. Jacobs has served on the faculty of several medical schools and was director of Reproductive Endocrinology at Texas Tech Health Science Center in Amarillo. Currently, in addition to his clinical activities caring for infertile patients and those with recurrent pregnancy loss, he is Chairman of the IVF committee at Baylor Medical Center in Carrollton.
Barry Jacobs, M.D., 4323 M. Josey Lane, Suite #201, Carrollton, TX 75010 www.texasfertility.comPhone: 972-394-9590 Fax: 972-394-9597

Men Having Babies: Annual NYC Seminar

 

Men Having Babies: annual NYC seminar

Center Kids, the family program of the NYC LGBT Center, is holding its fifth annual Men Having Babies program on Saturday, September 12 . It will feature expert and personal advice, and an opportunity to make contact with a wide range of organizations who help gay men become parents biologically. Dozens of gay men attend every year, and the event is also a great opportunity to socialize and meet other couples or single dads-to-be with our new colored-coded name tags!

Agenda:
* An overview of the surrogacy and egg donation process by a panel of legal and medical experts (1:00 - 2:00 PM).
* Short presentations by agencies and organizations who provide services and support for gay men who want to have babies (2:00 - 2:30 PM).
* Personal stories from NY gay parents, a surrogate and an egg donor (2:30 - 3:30 PM).
* Exhibit space and socializing (including a lounge for single dads-to-be) (3:30- 5:00 PM).

Admission to the entire program is $10, proceeds benefiting Center Kids. For more information and advance registration (recommended) please see the Men Having Babies home page: http://www.menhavingbabies.org/

Infertility Answers~ Research Your Options Here

If you are considering Egg or Sperm Donation, Surrogacy or Embryo Donation, research is KEY! There are so many facets to the Third Party Family Building journey that it's imperative that those seeking to be donors or surrogates do their research as well as Intended Parents looking for the services offered from women advertising themselves as "good candidates". You can find information regarding these issues and more, including medical and legal concerns world wide, on Infertility Answers, Inc. http://infertilityanswers.org/ This easy to navigate site is perfect for those just starting to understand the complexities of Third Party Family Building.

 

Wishing you all the best!

Sharon LaMothe

Surrogacy and the "Fake Pregnancy"

 

Faking your pregnancy means faking the rest of your life.

 

I had an Intended Mother come to me wanting a surrogate. Because she resides in another country and often travels to the US, she plans on faking her pregnancy while a gestational surrogate gives birth here in the states. The IM has the whole scenario worked out in her mind...and in actuality it would work. But the reality is, and I told her this, that she is going to be living a lie for the rest of her life. Someday and some way her child will find out. There is no amount of explaining that would appease a child who has been lied to all of its life because his or her mother wanted to appear "normal". I also find it very hard to believe that a woman wanting to be a surrogate would  go along with such a scheme...never mind the psychological implications.

 

What are your thoughts on faking a pregnancy under these or any circumstances? Would you help this woman anyway or would you send her away? I will be very interested in hearing your comments!

 

Sharon

www.infertilityanswers.net

In the News: Haredi widow to become surrogate mother

 

I would like to mention here that toward the end of this article it states that the Surrogate mother is likely to receive $25,000 for her service for carrying this baby...that is not at all an unreasonable amount especially if it includes all of the "extras" such as maternity clothing, co-pays, travel, transfer fees etc.

What are your thoughts?
Sharon

www.infertilityAnswers.net

 

Haredi widow to become surrogate mother

 

Woman secures letter from rabbi stating she's not 'promiscuous' before getting pregnant with child of barren ultra-Orthodox couple

Nissan Shtrauchler

Published:

05.26.09, 07:48 / Israel Jewish Scene

For the first time in Israel, an ultra-Orthodox woman will serve as a surrogate mother, after receiving authorization to do so from a rabbi.

The woman, a widowed mother from southern Israel, started making inquiries about the possibility of becoming a surrogate mother several years ago, seeking to help a childless couple bring a baby into the world.

But the woman was concerned of her neighbors' reactions should she become pregnant, and asked the Institute of Fertility and Medicine According to Halacha to arrange a halachic approval from a rabbi explaining her condition and guaranteeing she was not "promiscuous."

Rabbi Menachem Borshtein, head of the institute, said that such an approval was given by Rabbi Zalman Nehamia Goldberg, and this gave the woman the green light to continue with the procedure.

"She received the authorization of the Health Ministry's special committee, and after we found a suitable couple, the procedure is scheduled to start soon," said Borshtein.

'Purity in the womb of a Jewish mother'  

The couple in question has been trying to get pregnant for 12 years. Since they are ultra-Orthodox themselves, they were thrilled to learn that the surrogate mother is haredi as well.

"We are delighted that in the next nine months the baby will grow into an atmosphere of sanctity and purity in the womb of a Jewish mother. We are very excited and hope that, God willing, this will be the solution for the years of suffering we have endured," they said.

While the woman said she was motivated by the desire to help others, money certainly played part in her decision. The price tag of a "surrogacy package" stands at $50,000, with half the sum going directly to the surrogate mother.

 

"Currently 95% of the egg donations received come from abroad," said Prof. Arye Hurwitz, head of the IVF Unit at Hadassah Har Hatzofim Medical Center. "Passing a law that will expand the circle of donors and donations could make the treatment accessible for those who cannot currently afford it or for those who want the egg to come from a Jewish mother," he added.

Lack of 'Genetics'

There are several bloggers out there stating that using egg donors and/or surrogates are taking away from " the natural course of life". Regarding Egg Donation for instance, I disagree with the assessment of Third Party Reproduction or Third Party Family Formation being a negitive. First, no the baby isn't genetically linked to the woman carrying the baby if an egg donor is used BUT if she (the Intended Mother) plans to bring up that child, love it and care for it then YES! she is the mother! Genetics aside this question isn't an issue when we are talking about adoption and in that case BOTH parents are not genetically linked so why question parenthood when an egg donor or even a sperm donor has been used? (Or embryo donation) These parents want a baby! They want it from Day ONE and if it means that an egg or sperm donor is needed and they, the IP's, make that decision that's right for them! They may even have to go a step further and use a Traditional or Gestational Surrogate. But in any case the child will be theirs to love and bring up as their own in spite of the lack of 'genetics'!

 

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

A peak into Canadian Surrogacy

 

A peak into Canadian Surrogacy: Note in this article that although Canadian surrogates can not be compensated, their "expenses" can be reimbursed up to $15,000.  

Sharon

www.infertilityAnswers.net

'I am blessed, I will never complain'

Molly Elizabeth Levay is Rob and Vanessa's biological daughter -conceived from one of 24 eggs harvested after Vanessa underwent a six-week course of fertility treatments.

Of the 24 eggs that were harvested, 16 matured, 12 were successfully fertilized, and six were deemed to be "Grade A embryos." Two were implanted in Andrea's womb, and one - Molly -survived.

"Finding out that Andrea was pregnant, and yes, it did take, we were in tears," said Betsy Fleming, Vanessa's mother, who had assumed she would never be a grandmother. "There was no way to describe the feeling."

DNA testing at birth showed Molly is 100 per cent Rob and Vanessa's genetic offspring. There are still four more frozen embryos "just in case, because you never know," said Vanessa, but Andrea said she's not doing it again and Vanessa says she's overjoyed with one. "I am blessed, I will never complain."

The fertility services, paid for by Rob and Vanessa, were provided by ReproMed Inc. in Etobicoke. Prenatal care was provided by the midwives of Niagara Midwifery Practice and the ceasarean birth was performed by Dr. Nwachukwu Nwebube.

Canadian law prevents the Levays from paying Andrea for her services. They are allowed to cover her expenses, to a limit of $15,000.

Canadian Surrogacy Options says surrogacy expenses typically reach $40,000, including $25,000 for fertility drugs, DNA testing, legal fees and CSO fees, and up to $15,000 in allowable expenses for the surrogate. Allowable expenses can include compensation for time missed from work, child care, mileage and clothing.

Andrea went home from the hospital a day after the surgery and recovered for a week at home, cared for by Michael, who said the C-section recovery was easier this time because there was no baby to care for.

Andrea gets 17 weeks maternity leave, Vanessa gets 35 weeks parental leave.

What to Expect from a Psychological Evaluation

You may be asked to meet with a psychologist for a “psychological evaluation”.  A psychologist is different from a psychiatrist.  A psychiatrist has a medical degree (M.D.), and they primarily prescribe medication, although some also conduct psychotherapy.  A psychologist has a doctorate in psychology (a Ph.D. or Psy.D.), and they provide evaluations and conduct psychotherapy.   

If you are interested in serving as an egg donor or traditional surrogate, the aim of the psychologist is twofold.  The psychologist would like to gather as much information as possible so the recipient couple is prepared.  For example, should there be a family history for learning disabilities, the recipient couple can learn about possible warning signs.  Consequently, should their child develop academic difficulties, the recipient couple could then proceed with appropriate treatment.  It is important to remember that psychologists know there is no perfect person and that it is extremely rare for a person to have a family history devoid of any psychological problems.  The psychologist is trained to remain neutral, and is interested in providing acceptance and support.  A well-seasoned psychologist knows it is more credible if a person has had a bump or two along the road and/or if a donor/surrogate speaks of at least one relative who has experienced some sort of psychological problem.  It is best to be honest.  It is far better to honestly portray yourself and your family than to cover up what you fear could disqualify you.  It is likely you will be disqualified if you are inconsistent in your responses.   The psychologist is also interested in determining your stability.  Couples who seek out an egg donor or surrogate are very serious about wanting a successful outcome.  Some couples have tried to have children for five or even ten years, by the time they reach this step.  It is imperative you are certain you can and want to take this journey to completion.  The psychologist will try to determine whether or not you will follow through by not only asking you about your feelings about serving as an egg donor/surrogate, but also by looking for patterns of stability in your past.  The psychologist will also spend time discussing with you the psychological ramifications of serving as an egg donor/surrogate.  This portion of the interview is for your benefit.  Regardless as to your motivation, helping a couple have children is a wonderful gift.  Your desire to be a part of the miracle of life puts you in a very special, cherished category.  You deserve to understand how this experience might affect you.  It is also important you learn enough about this process in order to make the right decision for you.  Should you have any questions, please ask them.  Serving as an egg donor/surrogate is a decision that will affect you for the entirety of your life.  It will most likely be comforting for you to receive answers to any questions you might have. 

 If you are interested in serving as a gestational surrogate, it is likely you will be asked to meet with a psychologist.  Many of the same questions will be asked.  Although your genetic history will not come into play, the psychologist will want to get to know you, so s/he can describe you to the intended parents.  Additionally, the psychologist will be interested in determining if you will be able to provide a safe environment, both physically and environmentally, while you carry a couple’s baby.  The psychologist will also want to prepare you in many different ways.  Not only are there many issues to consider during your pregnancy, but it is of utmost importance to prepare you for what you might feel when you release a child to the intended parents.  This is one of the most selfless and beautiful gifts you can give to others.  At the same time, it can leave a tremendous void.  The psychologist will want to prepare you and your partner to make sure that as you think through your decision, you can determine what is best for you.

You may be asked to take a personality test.  Most often, the

Minnesota

Multiphasic Personality Inventory, 2^nd Edition (MMPI-2) is administered.  This is a long inventory that consists of approximately 500 true-false questions.  The test is sensitive to test-taking style.  Oftentimes, potential donors/surrogates feel nervous and at some level, feel they must be close to perfect. It is not true that you have to be nearly perfect to be chosen.  Nevertheless, this mindset sometimes leads people to “fake good”, or present themselves in an overly favorable light.  “Validity scales” will reveal this test-taking style, and you could invalidate your results.  This could disqualify you.  It is good to know that the inventory allows for “normal” stress, occasional sadness and anxiety, and for human frailties.  Besides the “validity scales”, the inventory also yields “clinical scales”, which group together to form a “profile”.  The profile describes your characteristic ways of interacting with the world.  If you respond in a manner that is open and honest, it is likely your profile will yield interesting information for you.  Many psychologists are willing to discuss your results with you, should you ask.

Recipient couples, also known as intended parents, are sometimes asked to attend an interview with a psychologist.  They are sometimes asked to take an MMPI-2.   For those of you who are considering using an egg donor, the interview with a psychologist is to make sure you have considered what it might feel like in the future, to have a child who is not fully genetically related to you.  Additionally, the psychologist may ask questions to determine your financial and emotional stability.  This is not done in a judgmental or critical manner.  Rather, this would be to help you plan well for yourselves, especially if you have never had children.

If you are considering using a surrogate, the clinical interview for the intended parents is designed to prepare you for the emotional and financial issues that may come up.  There are many things to consider when using a surrogate, such as whether or not you will provide health insurance, life insurance, or home support in case your surrogate becomes bedridden with a pregnancy. Additionally, it is wise to think ahead with regards to how you might handle a poorly formed fetus, or multiples that jeopardize the life of the mother and/or the babies.  Lastly, it is a good idea to discuss what expectations you have with regards to a relationship with the surrogate both during and after a pregnancy.  A trained psychologist can guide you through this dialogue, and inform you so you can make the best decisions for this very important and life-altering event.

 

Dr. Barbara Feinberg is a licensed psychologist.  She received her doctorate in clinical psychology from Florida Institute of Technology in 1985.  Dr. Feinberg has been practicing psychology in Tampa, Florida for over twenty-two years.  Dr. Feinberg works with adults and children.  Areas of treatment include infertility support, as well as coping with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, marital concerns, divorce and behavioral problems.  Dr. Feinberg also provides gifted and learning disabilities evaluations.  Additionally, she has specialized in reproductive issues for over ten years.  She has spoken around the state of Florida on psychological and emotional issues that pertain to infertility. Dr. Feinberg provides psychological evaluations for egg donors, traditional and gestational surrogates, and intended parents.  She works in conjunction with several egg donor agencies, surrogacy agencies and attorneys around the United States.  You may contact Dr. Feinberg at 15961 North Florida Avenue, Suite A, Lutz, FL   33549, or DrBarb222@aol.com. 

Insurance for SurroGenesis Pregnant Surrogates Tragedy

News Flash

In light of the current Michael Charles Financial and SurroGenesis surrogate agency scandal, where both allegedly stole up to $3,000,000 in trust fund money of over 150 families trying to achieve pregnancy through surrogacy, New Life Agency, Insurance Agency today announced they will work with the victims to insure the Intended Parents their surrogates will be covered.

Attorney Andrew Vorzimer of Vorzimer and Masserman in Woodland Hills California states “As a result of several concerned inquiries I have received today from victims of the SurroGenesis debacle, I have consulted with two criminal defense attorneys to assess any potential liability that might exist for Surrogates (and their Intended Parents) who had medical coverage through SGUSA’s group plan. Both concur that the circumstances surrounding the procurement of medical coverage presents serious legal issues.”

Trish Taylor, President, Founder of New Life said today “It is an absolute tragedy that any assisted reproduction professional would commit insurance fraud and put their clients and surrogates in this financial jeopardy. These people are now vulnerable to insurance claims and the loss of insurance protection. This is an even greater potential financial loss than the loss they have already experienced. I am determined they have something rather than nothing in place to help them through their pregnancy. We will accept their application for underwriting review whether they are in the middle to last months of pregnancy or just beginning.”

Our Team’s and Customer Care Center is ready to receive your call.

Surrogates and Intended Parents may now apply. Being vulnerable to insurance claims and the loss of insurance protection is a grave potential financial loss for the Surrogate and Intended Parent.

When Intended Parents Can't Pay

I have been having a little debate with myself. Did I want to blog about this article: http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-surrogate-agency21-2009mar21,0,3918452.story?page=1 regarding two California based firms who have stopped paying their surrogates and seemingly taken off with over a million dollars of Intended Parents money or leave it alone and let everyone else chat about it. And then I received an e-mail that pushed me into what I am writing now...a different angle then what I have been reading about in the New York Times or the LA Times....what about the surrogates? With the payments being nonexistent, will they want to keep the babies? This was the question that was asked of me.

Of course that question is coming from the angle that these surrogates are only 'doing it for the money' and now that there isn't any what will happen? Will they keep the babies until there is payment? Will they abort? What happens when Intended Parents can't pay? 

Now let me be clear, I know not one person involved in this current scandal. Not a surrogate or intended parent but I believe that what I do know that not one of those surrogates has sat down and thought..Geez..I need to abort because now I will not be paid for my services! Or, I guess I will just keep this baby for myself now that I won't be getting my money...'no money for me means NO baby for you!' I just think that even someone doing it for the money wouldn't go to those extremes. I will go even further out on a limb and say that those surrogates who are pregnant are supporting their Intended Parents through this awful financial loss and saying that something else can be worked out. It will be O.K. Perhaps offering suggestions and ideas of how they all can get through the last months of pregnancy together all the while dealing with the lack of financing.

Remembering that there are still contracts in place and that ins. still needs to be paid, these people all need to work together no matter what happens during the pregnancy. I know that other infertility professionals are offering free or reduced services. There is going to be an auction to help raise funds for the 70 couples and their surrogates who are affected. But I have not heard one story regarding a woman who is planning on holding a baby for ransom..."when you can pay me, you can have him". Remember, Surrogacy is not all about the money. Sure, money helps take care of her while she is pregnant and she can have it ear-marked for certain things she would like to do for her own family but the compensation that Surrogates receive from their willingness to carry a child is not (should not) be the only income coming into the home.

I am hoping that the stories that come out of this current mess puts a huge positive spot light on Surrogates and the compassion that truly runs down to the soul of these wonderful women. Because the real gift here is being tested...and I am sure the rewards will be greater then what anyone has ever expected.

Sharon

Your urgent and immediate action on two bills introduced in the Georgia State Senate is of vital importance. .

In talking with Evelina, who is in GA (and on the EDSPA Board) and very involved with fighting this (which may be voted into law by next Thursday!) This bill is about only being able to MAKE 2 or 3 embryos at a TIME....not just what you can transfer. So if you are under 40 and have 12 eggs, only 2 can be fertilized...if you are over 40 then only 3 can be fertilized! No more then that....We need to clearly get the truth of this bill a crossed to everyone because who is going to want to make just 2 or 3 embryos at a time? Who can pick and choose which eggs would be the best to fertilize AND then there would be NO EMBRYOS LEFT for freezing! (perhaps you can freeze the eggs however that is not perfected yet and the cost....well....it just wouldn't be worth it) Apparently it's the right to lifers who are pouring money into this GA bill so that there will/would be no more 'babies on ice"...

On another note, if this bill passes I hear that the ASRM will consider moving the Oct. meeting to another location.

Please forgive me for posting this but I wanted everyone to read this!
Sharon LaMothe (comments welcome!)

This was posted by Mark Perloe~

Your urgent and immediate action on two bills introduced in the Georgia State Senate is of vital importance. .

The Georgia Senate Health & Human Services Committee will hold a hearing on two bills: SB 169 and SB 204 this Thursday, March 5, at 9:00 AM in Room 450 of the State Capitol. At the hearing, the committee will hear testimony on the bills. Reproductive medicine physicians from across the state, along with Resolve and the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) oppose both of the bills. The hearing is open to the public and we encourages you to attend the hearing and send a letter to the Committee members before Thursday. To send a letter immediately, click here.

Senate Bill 169 would restrict doctors' ability to perform IVF in accordance with best medical standards. Here are the key provisions:
- No more than 2 or 3 eggs could ever be fertilized in a cycle; if a woman produced more eggs, they still could not be used.
- Only 2 embryos could ever be transferred to the uterus, unless the woman is age 40 or over (then a max of 3).
- No extra embryos could be cryopreserved. If they are created, they have to be transferred.
- No financial relief, such as insurance coverage, is proposed to help with the added financial burden of using less effective treatment. Patients will still have to pay out of pocket for less effective treatment.
- Bans all financial compensation for donor gametes, such as egg donor, sperm donor, or embryo donation, which would reduce the pool of available donors in Georgia.

SB 204 is an embryo adoption bill. It would subject embryo donation to all the same provisions as required by law for adoption of a child. This would subject infertility patients needing an embryo donation to go through the judicial proceedings, home visits, and other procedures required for an adoption. Such treatment is not appropriate nor is it needed for embryo donation.

If you care about open access to the best care possible, let the Committee members know before Thursday that you oppose these two bills. To send a letter or fax to the Committee, simply click here http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http://secure2.convio.net%2Fres%2Fsite%2FAdvocacy%3Fcmd%3Ddisplay%26page%3DUserAction%26id%3D219 for a letter template that will be automatically sent to each of the Senate Health & Human Services Committee members. You can also call your state Senator even if they are not on the Committee and tell them you oppose these two bills. A full list of the Committee members can be found by clicking on the link below, then clicking on the Senators name for a link to their direct contact information: http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http://www.legis.ga.gov%2Flegis%2F2009_10%2Fsenate%2Fhealth.php

Please be respectful in all communications to the elected officials and their staff. Please remember that rude communications work against our interests.

Thank you for taking action today and showing the Georgia Senate that you care about open and available access to care for the women and men diagnosed with infertility in the state of Georgia.

To send a letter to the Committee members immediately, click here. http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http://secure2.convio.net%2Fres%2Fsite%2FAdvocacy%3Fcmd%3Ddisplay%26page%3DUserAction%26id%3D219

To view the full text of the bills please follow the links below:

SB 169: http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http://www.legis.state.ga.us%2Flegis%2F2009_10%2Fsum%2Fsb169.htm

SB 204: http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http://www.legis.state.ga.us%2Flegis%2F2009_10%2Fsum%2Fsb204.htm

Georgia Economic Impact
• More than $200 million in revenue and countless jobs would be lost by Georgia medical practices, psychologists, lawyers, pharmacists, as well as by those in the restaurant and lodging industry who provide services to those traveling for care.
• An expected 50-60% drop in live births associated with legislation limiting the number of oocytes fertilized or transferred would create a powerful incentive for Georgia couples to seek care outside Georgia. Alternatively, they would have to consider multiple treatment cycles to achieve the same success rate as we now see. The cost for additional treatment cycles as well as lost productivity due to time away from jobs can not be immediately calculated.
• Embryo donation is the most a cost effective option for many couples hoping to build a family. Yet this legislation would impose additional legal expenses and home studies that would create a significant cost barrier for many with limited financial resources. As a result this option would no longer be available for many couples
• The majority of higher order multiple pregnancies [triplets or more] result from ovulation induction and not IVF. This legislation will result in a marked decrease in local IVF services and a dramatic increase in the number of ovulation induction cycles with the higher risk of multiple births and the resultant costs.
• The American Society of Reproductive Medicine is planning its annual meeting in Atlanta this fall. Approximately 5,000 people are expected to attend. Passing this legislation will induce many to stay at home. The resultant revenue loss for our convention and travel industry comes at a very difficult time for our economy.
• This legislation will preclude the use of preimplantation embryo screening to prevent diseases such as cystic fibrosis, sickle cell disease, Huntington’s diease and other genetic conditions that result in an enormous financial burden to the individual and often to the state to provide ongoing medical care.
• The financial cost of defending court challenges to HBB during an economic downturn is a needless tax on government funds.
• Biotech industry seeking to relocate will likely have second thoughts about moving to Georgia with passage of this legislation.

Unanswered Questions
• Will cryopreserved embryos that already exist be subject to this law?
• Will this law be applicable to embryos that have been created in another state?
• Will this law apply if the individuals are not Georgia state residents?
• Does this law allow for inheritance rights for embryos deemed to be children?
• Are embryos entitled to social security survivor benefits?
• Will embryos be entitled to child support in the case of divorce to cover the expense of storage?
• Will women who have undergone embryo transfer be able to use the HOV lane….there is an additional “child” on board.
• What happens to embryos that were frozen more than two at a time?
• What about agencies that charge a fee to match recipients and embryo donors while not providing a medical service? Will this be considered the same as selling a baby?
• If an embryo has been frozen longer than 18 years is it still a child? How do you calculate a child's age if the embryo is 20 years old, but the child was born two years ago, how old is the child?
• Not too infrequently, a one cell embryo splits resulting in twins. As this bill describes a single cell embryo as a child do we consider these identical twins as one child or two?
• If an embryo has been frozen longer than 18 years is it still a child? How do you calculate a child's age if the embryo is 20 years old, but the child was born two years ago, are we dealing with a child or an adult?
• The bill states that its purpose is to promote the best interest of the child. As cryopreserved embryos are classified as children and only 20-30% of embryo transfers results in pregnancy, we must ask if this means all embryos should undergo cryopreservation rather than transferring them to avoid the 80% loss rate for these "children"?
--------------------

Selective Reduction: Who gets to choose?

 

Q~~ I have a question that may be a sensitive one regarding Selective Reduction. Who makes the reduction decision? (where there are no medical issues compelling a reduction)Can the IPs and surro make the decision together? Wat if they disagree? 
It's her body but it's our baby - such a difficult issue. ~EM

A~~ Selective Reduction should be talked about before the first transfer takes place and it is often mentioned in the contract as either something that would be considered and what the fee for the surrogate (for recovery, pain and suffering) would be if she had to endure such a procedure. Your RE/Clinic should have the discussion when first meeting a surrogate as well. If she is petite and obviously would have a physical problem carrying anything over triplets then they may highly recommend that you reduce anything over twins. Even if the RE only transfers 2 embryos they could split into triplets or more. It seldom happens but its always good to be aware. So for the health of the surrogate, Selective Reduction could be highly recommended under those circumstances.

 

Another issue would be what the Intended Parents want to raise. They may not be financially or emotionally capable of raising more then twins (and I am using twins here because it is very rare for twins to be reduced down to a single fetus because the entire pregnancy could be lost). If the Intended Parents are set on having no more then twins, they have to find a like minded surrogate that doesn't have a religious or ethical issue with selective reduction.

 

The bottom line here is that the surrogate can change her mind in either case. She can decide that she isn't able to selectively reduce when she is faced with the actual fact of multiples and decides to carry them even against Dr. orders or what she previously agreed to in the contract OR she decides not to selectively reduce because of a change of heart and the reality of an abortion is too hard for her to consider. On the other hand she may keep the entire pregnancy even against the 'carrying more then twins' issue as stated in the contract when faced with a 'litter' of babies and considering all health risks, continues to want to keep the pregnancy in tact, although at the time of the contract she was sure that she would want to reduce. In either case it is ultimately her decision as Selective Reduction is, in reality, abortion and any pregnant woman has the right to choose under Row vs Wade.

 

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

How to Talk About Your Family-Presented by Dr. Kim Bergman of Growing Generations

When I read this Special Feature I knew that I needed to pass it along and the response back was tremendous. Really, this article drives home that its the simplicity in the telling of the facts that will make the answers easier to understand.

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net

 

In this Special Feature, Dr. Bergman discusses the mechanics of being a happy, healthy, gay family.

I have to confess upfront that this is one of my favorite subjects. I study it. I counsel parents about it. Most importantly, I live it, together with my partner and our two amazing girls. What follows represents a summary of my opinion however, I urge you to contact me directly for more information.

What you have to know at the outset is that your baby is going to be born to you not knowing anything about the world. Your baby won’t arrive with any opinions about how things are supposed to be. They arrive ready to be guided by you as to what’s right and what wrong. They don’t show up questioning what’s missing.

Gay parenting, and surrogacy is not about something missing. It’s not about something’s wrong. It’s not about saying, “We couldn’t do something this way so we had to do it this other way.” It’s not about loss as perhaps adoption can be. There’s no loss. No one has given anything up. It’s about creation.

As far as your child knows, you and your family are complete. Everything that your baby gets about your family, is going to come from you. Eventually the world around you seeps in, but mostly, it’s up to you to help them make sense of their lives.

For this reason, I believe it is profoundly important that you get comfortable with who you are when you have kids. Your level of comfort or unease translates to your child. You set the level.

The story that you tell your children is going to be their truth – nothing else. You can invent that story anyway you want.

Here’s my favorite story:

Daddy and Papa fell in love and got married and lived together and loved each other. We had so much love that we really wanted to have children to share it with.

To have children you need three things:

A Uterus
An Egg
A Sperm

Daddy and Papa had the sperm, but we needed an egg and a uterus. So, a very nice woman gave us her egg and the doctor mixed it with our sperm. Then the doctor put that inside the uterus of another nice woman who very kindly allowed you to grow there for nine months.

When you were born, you came out of her uterus and into our arms. We took you home and you were our baby.

Simple, clear and truthful works best.

People always ask, me

“When should I start telling that kind of story?”

I say: the day your child is born.

You start telling the story even before the child can understand it and there is never a question about what happened. You tell the story in developmentally appropriate terms – so maybe you are not going to say sperm and egg and uterus to a two year-old or four year- old. The thing to remember is to tell the truth that’s developmentally appropriate.

“Who can I consult about what’s appropriate?”

Me. This is my area of expertise. This is my passion.

Surrogacy is a story of people who want to be parents. It’s the story of someone who needed help assembling all the ingredients. It’s a story of collaboration, love and intention. It’s a beautiful story.

Questions

Will your child say: “How come I don’t have a mommy?”

Probably.

When you are a parent, you realize that children always say stuff like that. “How come I don’t have a mommy?” flows right along with, “How come I don’t wear glasses?” “How come our house is smaller than their house?” “How come I don’t have a dog?” “Why can’t I have a horse?”

When our kids ask such a question, too often, we make that mean, “Omigod! They’ve figured it out that something’s wrong with our family!” That doesn’t have to be the case. We don’t panic when our children ask us, “How come I don’t have a dog? Why can’t I have a horse?”

If we are not intentional with our response and comfortable with who we are, that’s when we have a tendency to inflate the importance of these questions. We end up adding negative meanings because we are scared we’re doing something wrong, but we’re not.

When your kid says, “Why can’t I have a horse?”

You can easily say, “I hear that.” “I know you’d like to have a horse. I’d love to have a horse, but we don’t have a horse.” “We can’t have a horse.”

I know from experience that when your child asks, “How come I don’t have a mommy?” you can easily and truthfully answer, “Because you have two daddies.” It really can be that simple.

Creation

What do you need to be a healthy gay family?

Openness
Honesty
Humor

There’s no need to get defensive or scared. Your family is whole and vibrant. You are not coming from a place of scarcity.

You will probably need one other thing. The willingness to take a stand for your family everywhere you are.

Let’s say, you’re in line at the grocery store with 52 little old ladies or men in business suits or teenage hoodlums even, and the checkout lady says to your child “Oh you have such cute blond hair! Your mommy must have blond hair.”

What does taking a stand mean? It means, you, saying in front of that whole entire line of people, “He doesn’t have a mommy. He has two daddies.” That’s what it takes, everyday, everywhere you go.

My partner and I take this approach. What we end up with is my kids correcting people all the time. You say in public to one of my kids, “Oh, you have such pretty, green eyes. Your daddy must have green eyes.” They will say, “I don’t have a dad, I have a sperm donor.” They are as matter of fact as can be. My kids have been saying that since they were three years old.

I don’t mean you have to be on a soapbox. I just believe that you must tell the truth and not allow lies.

When you’re in line by yourself, you can say whatever you want. By yourself you can choose to be “in” or “out.” You don’t have that choice in the presence of your child. If you fail to take a stand, if you don’t say, “She has two daddies,” what your child hears is, “We are pretending that I do have a mommy because I should have one. We are pretending because there’s something wrong.”

So, don’t pretend like you didn’t hear it. Make the correction. Being a gay family doesn’t mean you are “political,” that may not be your intention. In truth, however, it turns out to be political sometimes.

Terrible Teens

Everyone always loves to ask:

“Aren’t you worried that when your kids get a little older they’re going to have really big problems with gender identity and sexuality?”

No. I’m not worried about it at all.

The research that’s been done (which isn’t very much) consistently shows that the children of gay and lesbian parents are just as well-adjusted as everyone else and more flexible. Gender identity seems to be internal. You have heard the classic example, right? Most gays and lesbians were born and raised by straight parents.

But still, won’t your teenager be ashamed to have gay parents?

Yes.

Don’t panic though. Teenagers are ashamed about everything having to do with their parents. Adolescence is about individuating, differentiating and independence. The way that children work through this stage is by pushing against the thing they’ve been so close and connected to. That’s you, their parent.

It really doesn’t matter. Being a gay parent is just as much a pretext as anything else that’s going to embarrass them.

Whatever it is - You’re too strict. You’re too liberal. You dress badly. I even have kids in my practice who are embarrassed because their parents work out and are in great shape.

They will find something. The upside is that being the gay parent of teenager is not going to be worse. The downside is that it’s probably not going to be better.

How do you cope?

You develop a foundation of trust and respect. You instill these values in your child from the day you get them in the hospital. You repeat that they are the most wanted child in the world. You tell them the story of all the planning, the collaboration, the intention and the love that went into their creation. Your child will realize, there may be something different about your family, but there’s nothing inferior or wrong.

They’ll come out the other side of adolescence and love you again. Keep your checkbook handy.

 

Surrogacy – A Solution That Requires Consideration

**Please Note: Today I have invited guest blogger, Holly McCarthy, to share her views on surrogacy. If you would like to be a guest blogger on The Third Party or Surrogacy 101, please contact me at SurroMatchFL@aol.com. Thank you! Sharon LaMothe**
~~~~~~~~~~~

Infertility is a major problem facing many couples that want to raise a family. For whatever reason, the couple is unable to conceive a child together, and is therefore left with several options. There are many different solutions available for couples who want to share the joy of raising a child together, one of which is surrogacy.

Surrogacy involves having a woman carry a baby to full term, after which she will give the baby to the intended parents. Often, the surrogate is the biological mother, and she is artificially inseminated with the father’s genetic material. In other cases, an embryo is placed in the womb of the surrogate containing genetic material of both intended parents.

There are many issues that arise regarding surrogacy; complications are not limited strictly to the physical well-being of the surrogate and the baby she is carrying. While altruistic surrogacy (helping a couple without financial gain) is rare, more often than not, a contractual agreement is established between the parents and the surrogate.

In some states, surrogate mothers are listed on the birth certificate along with the biological father’s name. In other states, the names of the intended parents are put on the birth certificate as part of the contractual agreement. People considering surrogacy need to look into their respective state’s laws and statutes regarding surrogacy before initiating the process.

Although many intended parents believe wholeheartedly that they are ready for the challenges of parenthood, surrogacy brings up many emotional challenges for all parties involved. Sometimes the intended mother feels left out of the process, while others get very attached to the surrogate. Complex feelings and emotions are involved and this is something that needs to be fully considered before the process is initiated.

Another tough subject is whether the intended parents should stay in touch with the surrogate. While many people might think this would be a good idea, it certainly adds a new dynamic to the relationship that may not end up working out.

The best advice for prospective parents considering surrogacy is to speak with a licensed family counselor, along with your physician and family planning specialist. Taking a good long at the pros and cons of any situation can be quite illuminating and may help work out complex issues before it is too late. Once the decision has been made, preparations can then be undertaken to initiate the surrogacy.

This post was contributed by Holly McCarthy, who writes on the subject of Criminal Justice careers. She invites your feedback at hollymccarthy12@gmail.com http://www.criminaljusticeusa.com/

Surrogacy Fees: What is a 'Base Fee'?

The "Base Fee"

    Once Intended Parents start the search for a surrogate mother, whether its in an independent situation or through an agency setting, they will soon come a crossed the phrase "base fee". What is this fee for? Who sets these fees? Isn't it the same as 'paying' a surrogate? Why is the word compensation used?

 

    Let me illuminate you on the "base fee factors". In general, a base fee is to cover the 9 months or 40 weeks your surrogate will be pregnant with your child/children. It is very rare for any of the base fee monies to be distributed before you see a heart beat on the ultra sound screen. The base fee is commonly broken down into monthly payments, however these are not equal monthly installments. Lets use a fee of $20,000. The break down may look like this:

 

    Month one:     $1,500

    Month two:     $1,500

    Month three:   $2,000

    Month four:    $2,000

    Month five:    $2,000

    Month six:     $2,500

    Month seven:  $2,500

    Month eight:  $3,000

    Month nine:   $3,000

 

    These fees are usually strategically set up like this in a contract because there are so many times that a miscarriage can happen in the first couple of months of an IVF cycle. This way the Intended Parents are not out a huge amount of money and the surrogate is compensated for the time that she actually did carry.

 

    Lets remember that babies are born on their own time table and so if a baby or babies are born early the amount that is left over is put into one last check and given to the surrogate with in 14 days after the birth or whatever is stated in the contract. In the case of multiples an extra amount is often added from month 5-9.

 

    So who sets these fees? Good question! Basically attorneys and agencies know state by state what those judges will tolerate regarding a surrogacy fee. This is why you don't see women being surrogates and charging $100,000! If a judge sees an amazingly large amount of money in a contract that fact alone will raise the following questions: "Was this woman coerced? Is she selling her body?, Is she selling a baby?" This is why the base fee is labeled compensation or reimbursement or even living expenses. Surrogate mothers are supposed to be carrying a child not to make money but instead for altruistic reasons. Any money involved is to support them throughout the process. The point is that no money should be coming out of the surrogates family budget to support her while she is a surrogate mother.

 

    The average base fees being asked for by agencies for their surrogates looks something like this:

First time surrogate with her own health insurance: $18,000-$20,000

First time surrogate without her own health insurance: $13,000-$15,000

Second time surrogate with her own health insurance: $25,000-$28,000

Second time surrogate without her own health insurance: $20,000-$22,000

Third and forth time surrogates with health insurance can command anything up to $45,000 and those without $35,000.

 

    Yes, there are some variations but this configuration is the most common. Insurance companies are adding surrogacy exclusions each time they print up a new policy! They feel that if money is being exchanged then their policy shouldn't be used as a bargaining chip. If a surrogate is on Medicaid then she can not, under any circumstances, use government insurance! This is FRAUD and is punishable by the law. Surrogates without insurance need to be insured ASAP through one of the few companies that have policy especially for those involved in third party reproduction or family building. New Life is one of those agencies. Needless to say these are very expensive policies which is why an uninsured surrogate is compensated less then those who carry their own health insurance policies with maternity coverage.

 

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

 

Q & A with Sharon LaMothe: Using two surrogates at the same time?

 

 

Q:    I am considering using two surrogates at the same time instead of just one. I think that it will increase my chances of a pregnancy through surrogacy plus I only have to go through the egg retrieval once for two fresh cycles. Are there any reasons why this might not be a good idea? My husband and I are fine if there are multiples involved and are prepared to accept any babies that would be born out of this arrangement! Has this even been done before? What if I were to also carry at the same time? So many questions!

 

A:    ooookkkkk! You asked me so I will answer....first, yes it has been done. More often then not one surrogate will become PG where the other doesn't...making one feel like a failure because rarely will an IP go on again to do a 2nd transfer with her because they have one woman pregnant and that is overwhelming enough at that moment. (Esp if it's twins or above) Another issue that can pop up is that the transfers take place on the same day...and both get PG...rarely (again) will these surros reside in the same town let alone the same county and if they are due on the same day or go into labor at the same time...where are you? Which baby do you see born, which hospital do you spend your time in? What if one baby needs to stay in the NICU and the other one or two can be at home? See how complicated this could get. I think that it's more stress then its worth and kind of devalues the relationship that you have with your surrogate (s). I think its different if you were the one carrying the 2nd baby because if you both were PG then that may bring you closer and sharing experiences along the way however, again, you might be on bed rest and not be at the hospital to see your other baby being brought into the world....  SO I recommend that you have one surro at a time. You may like this woman enough to wait a year and try again with her. (esp. if you have frozen embryos) That way you wouldn't have to go through the searching and interviewing process again and you already have a relationship with someone you trust.

 

Good Luck!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

 

 

Social Surrogacy

 

I found this blurb on Adopting.org and OH! YES! I have a lot to say about this topic! The question at the bottom of this article is: Should surrogacy be limited only to those with medical issues that preclude carrying a pregnancy to term (or men, without female partners, seeking to become parents)? My answer is Yes! Please do keep it limited! I'm sorry for all those women out there who don't want to go through pregnancy, labor or delivery.  I'm even sorrier for those women who are too "busy" with their careers to take the time off to visit their local delivery room. (HA! Not!) Plain and simple, if you are too busy or stressed out about how you body will look after a 9 month pregnancy and childbirth then perhaps YOU, my friend, are not prepared for motherhood! When would you find the time in your busy schedule to even go through the surrogacy process? Want to use your own eggs? Egg Retrieval isn't exactly a walk in the park. Want to use a surrogate? When will you ever find the time to have a relationship with HER and prepare for the baby or babies when they come home? And then there is the actual parenting part of the process...there isn't enough room for me to go through each and every step that would, for certain, take time out of your "normal" life. (Unless you are going to hire a nanny for 24/7 care and she can bring up your child too....hmmmm now theirs an idea....)

 

So in short, if you think that women who are volunteering to be surrogate mothers are signing contracts to help perfectly healthy and capable women avoid the rigors of pregnancy and labor you can think again. There maybe some women out there, if you wave money under their noses and promise them the world, that would consider it but in the long run, I think they would have regrets and feel that their sacrifice and effort only enabled a selfish cause.

 

Your thoughts?

Sharon LaMothe

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

 

Social Surrogacy

 

Is your career booming and pregnancy would be inconvenient? Is your svelte figure your claim to fame? Would nine months of bulges and sags take too much of a toll on your mirror?

Ah, and you want children who are yours biologically, and you don't have any medical problems that would interfere with your becoming (and staying) pregnant?

Have We Got A Deal For You!

Just supply your genetic material (sperm and egg), fertility specialists will add the IVF technology, and get connected with a woman who, for a basic fee upwards of $18,000 (not including the extras, lawyers, etc.), will agree to go through gestational surrogacy, carrying your biological child. She will go through the morning sickness, get the swollen ankles and stretch marks, and give birth - to your child.

In the Strange Law category: According to attorney Thomas M. Pinkerton, in the case of surrogacy in California on behalf of a single man, the man's name should be entered onto the birth certificate as "Mother".

Depending on the state and the terms of statutes covering surrogacy (if any), your child either comes complete with a birth certificate conveniently free of any names but your own, or you go through an adoption process.

We're not talking about infertility. We're not talking about medical hurdles to getting and/or staying pregnant. This is strictly about surrogacy for social reasons - too busy, the pressures of commitments, a career based on looks, etc.

Many clinics and specialists do not accept clients who are able to bear biological children, while others believe it is outside their purview to question the reasons some may pursue surrogacy.

What do you think? Should surrogacy be limited only to those with medical issues that preclude carrying a pregnancy to term (or men, without female partners, seeking to become parents)?
 http://www.adopting.org/adoptions/social-surrogacy.html

Calling Intended Parents: Be a part of a groundbreaking documentary series for Lifetime TV

Be a part of a groundbreaking documentary series for Lifetime TV.  We are currently casting individuals or couples who want to create a family but are struggling to conceive.
 
We are looking for individuals or couples undergoing treatment who are willing to share their experiences with the world in the hopes of providing support, education, and guidance about a subject that many people still know very little about – infertility.  
 
We are committed to telling the real stories of those of you that are currently navigating your way through the world of infertility treatments and we hope this will draw attention to the struggles that you endure in your journey to have a family.  
 
We know that there are many, many eye opening stories to tell; whether you’re a single woman who has made the courageous decision to go it alone, a couple who has decided to turn to surrogacy, a same sex couple trying to build a family, a couple about to go through their first cycle of IVF, or a couple that has chosen adoption as their path.   We know that you have unique stories that have the power to inform and shed light on an issue that most know nothing about.  
 
If you have a unique story we want to talk to you.

Contact Information:

Shannon Gibson
Left/Right Productions
O: 212.695.2092
C: 917.428.9851
sgibson@leftright.tv

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Infertility Answers Online; A new support forum just for you!

I hope that you had a wonderful holiday! And now it's time to start all over again in 2009....or continue what was started in 2008! Over the weekend I decided to add a simple message board on Infertility Answers called Infertility Answers Online (IAO). It has two simplistic categories; Surrogacy and Egg Donation. If you are an Intended Parent, Surrogate, or Egg Donor, please check this out! If you need support, have a question or concern then I am hoping that this forum will be an asset as you use Third Party Family Formation to build a family.  http://infertilityanswers.net/infertility_answers_online Your feedback is always welcome!

 

Happy New Year!

 

Sharon LaMothe

Infertility Answers, Inc.~Information about Reproductive Technology
http://infertilityanswers.org/

LaMothe Services, LLC~Services for your ART Business
http://lamotheservices.com/

Surrogacy 101~Learn more about Third Party Family Building
http://infertilityanswers.typepad.com/surrogacy_101/ http://surrogacy101.blogspot.com/

Q~Does the blood of the mother run through the baby she is carrying?

Q~Does the blood of the mother run through the baby she is carrying?

 

A~This is a question that is often asked when the issue of surrogacy is on the table. A Reproductive Endocrinologist once explained it to me very simply, that the fetus makes it's own blood supply. The more technical answer is this: the placenta is the organ that attaches the developing embryo or fetus to the uterus (womb) and is composed of maternal and embryonic tissue, it links the blood supply of the embryo to the blood supply of the mother, allowing the exchange of oxygen, nutrients, and waste products. Please note that the two blood systems are not in direct contact, but are separated by thin membranes, with materials diffusing across from one system to the other. The placenta also produces hormones that maintain and regulate pregnancy. It is shed as part of the afterbirth.

 

    During my first surrogacy, my couple decided to bank the cord blood. I wondered if I could use it if I personally ever needed to and the answer was no because those babies were not related to me. That was enough of an answer for me.

 

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

When can we CELEBRATE?!?!

 

I know that my blogs have been jumping all over the place but honestly, when a topic hits, it hits hard! I might talk to an IP or an old friend or I may read someone's blog and say to myself 'I need to write about that!" An so here I am writing about Celebrating....celebrating an egg retrieval gone GOOD...celebrating more the one embryo growing by leaps and bounds in that little petri dish...a successful transfer....a positive HPT....just celebrating.

 

 

But Wait!

 

Surrogates, do you ever think how hard it actually is for Intended Parents to really celebrate? Most of the time these IP's have been through years of grief and struggle and during that time might have experienced periods where they did indeed celebrate the small milestones leading up to a full blown pregnancy only to be disappointed with a BFN from the Beta (or HPT or the embryos died). How hard is that to take over and over and over again? And then they choose surrogacy and there is hope...but not celebration. At least not the type  'we' feel there should be. All that grief and struggle and sadness and failure turns into FEAR when they hear that there is a real pregnancy. The IP's live in the fear that somehow all of this new joy could be taken away in the blink of an eye. Because they have seen it happen before...to them and to others like them!

 

Maybe we expect the celebration to start at some point during the pregnancy like at the 20 week mark or a month before the due date or even at the birth. I have heard surrogates wonder out loud where is the enthusiasm? Please give your IP's time. The joy will come, the celebration will last for the rest of their lives just as soon as they except the reality that THIS TIME 'it' worked! They really are parents!! And for now, let YOUR Joy shine through!

 

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

What do you mean I can't get a new tattoo?!

Q~~What do you mean I can't get a new tattoo?!

 

 A~~   I thought I would write a FYI here because there are some potential Egg Donors and Surrogates out there that are not aware that you can not donate your eggs or become a surrogate if you have had a tattoo or body piercing within the past 6 months to a year. (In most cases it's 6 months for the piercing's and a year for the tattoo unless you have written proof that the needles used were disposable and in that case, you would be free and clear to donate or volunteer to carry.) This requirement is a safeguard against the risk of infectious diseases. Obviously any tattoos you have that are over a year old are fine!  

 

This was the easiest Q & A ever!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net 

Maternity Clothes....what do you need?

    When the contracts are being drawn up the subject of maternity clothing can sometimes become a hot topic. IP's seem to think that if a woman has already had a baby or two or three she should have all the maternity clothing that she will ever need for her subsequent pregnancies. And IF any money is given toward clothes its usually between $500-$750 dollars. Has anyone PRICED maternity clothing lately?

 

    Some women, without thinking ahead, may even decide to waive the maternity clothing allowance without even considering that some of their old things will need to be replaced. Please think about what will be needed as a woman grows throughout her  pregnancy months.

 

    Why past maternity clothes may not work for the current pregnancy:

 

*Out of Season/Style Clothing: You may have clothes that are only suitable for Fall and Winter and you may need clothing for Spring and Summer. Not to mention special occasions like Christmas or a wedding and if you are a professional then work clothes are in order.

Motherhood Maternity Clothes, Maternity Clothing and Maternity Accessories On-Line

Mimi Maternity clothing for the fashion conscious mother-to-be who loves to show her style.

Ann Taylor LOFT : View All Styles

 

*Old under garments: Yes, a delicate subject, but I don't know one woman who has not tossed out her maternity underwear as soon as possible. Naturally those will have to be replaced. Has any one priced a maternity bra lately?? And you need at least 3. What about PJ's? Sometimes your husbands old T-shirt just won't do! (Don't forget the panties as well!)

Motherwear: Breastfeeding and Nursing: Maternity Bras: Ruched Clip Bra from Bella Materna

Motherwear: Breastfeeding and Nursing: Maternity Bras: Wrap N’ Snap ™
Nursing Bra from La Leche League Int’l

 

*Carrying twins or more: If you are pregnant with multiples then you will need to start wearing maternity clothing a lot earlier then usual AND you will grow faster and need much larger sizes then your other pregnancies.  

 

* What about shoes?: Yes, your feet will need attention too...toward the end of a pregnancy, especially with multiples, it is very hard to find something to wear on your feet. Don't be surprised if you have to go out and buy the adjustable Birkinstocks because your ankles have blown up the size of Mrs. Dumbo's!

 HFP Comfort Footwear - Shoes, clogs, sandals by Birkenstock, Finn Comfort, Mephisto, Ecco, Dansko, Think & more...

 

*Under-belly support: Getting bigger then ever? Your back killing you? Then you might consider some belly support. Belly "bras" or a belly belt can really help but they don't come cheap!

BellyBra - we are the manufacturer of this original woman's pregnancy support garment

Buy Prenatal Cradle Pregnancy Support Harness, Medium/Large Online at drugstore.com

Maternity Support Girdle Panty with Belt

 

    Often we forget, perhaps on purpose, that we maybe wearing some of these maternity clothes WELL AFTER the birth, while our bodies are making the brave attempt to get back to "normal". So when thinking about offering a maternity clothing allowance (IP's) or asking for a clothing stipend (surrogates) please keep the above clothing list in mind. Nine months is a long time to be wearing a MuuMuu.  Old Pueblo Traders : intimate : loungewear

 

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Q & A: Comparing Infertility Clinics

Q~ I am in the process of comparing Infertility Clinics and I am wondering if there is something that I should ask about other then what the live birth rates are. We are considering using my sister as a surrogate.

 

A~ Below are some questions that I actually found on the internet for a first time infertility client but maybe it will prompt you to ask another question or two...like are the live birth rates linked to surrogate birth? Age of the eggs? Quality of the embryos? Just something to think about...then there is cost, location and if you actually feel comfortable with the office staff and doctor!

 

  ~ How many patients at your clinic have had this treatment in the last two years, and how many of them have become pregnant/had a baby?

 

  ~ Are there alternative treatments? If so, what do they involve, and why do you think they are less suitable for me?

 

  ~ What other options are available to me if this treatment doesn't work

 

 ~ How does my age affect the choice of fertility treatment?

 

  ~ What drugs will I have to take, and what are the usual side effects they might have?

 

  ~ Are there any alternatives to the drugs you have mentioned?

 

   ~ Can you break down all the costs involved in this treatment? Are there any other costs that might arise?

 

  ~ Is there any way these costs can be reduced?

 

  ~ What lifestyle changes can I make to boost my chance of success (eg, diet, exercise, stopping smoking, etc)? How will these help?     

 

 ~ What kind of counseling or advice service do you provide? Is there a cost for this, or how many free sessions can I have?

 

  ~ Does this clinic have a patient support group I can join, or are there other groups you would recommend?

 

 ~ Could you tell me more about the assessment process you will need to carry out before giving me the go-ahead for treatment (this is sometimes known as the ´welfare of the child' assessment).

 

  ~ What happens next? Do I (and/or my partner) need to do anything now?

 

 ~ What are the benefits of the treatment you've recommended and why do you think it's the best option for me?

 

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Surrogacy: Her Body, My Baby....Harsh Criticism on this NY Times Article

NY Times: Her Body, My Baby

Every Day is Mother’s Day The author, her son, Max Dudley Stevenson, and her baby nurse, Margo Clements, at home in Southampton, N.Y., in July.

  I don't know if the photos were the catalyst that caused 404 people to comment on the My Body, My Baby Article posted in the NY Times from November 28th to November 30th but they sure brought on some harsh comments...was it the black baby nurse looking so subservient? (waiting for fingers to be snapped?) Was the issue the dilapidated looking porch that the
pregnant surrogate was lounging on?

Almost Baked Cathy Hilling at home in Harleysville, Pa., about a week before giving birth to the author’s baby.

Was it that people found the fact that the Intended Parents in this case were not afraid to say "we had the money and we got what we wanted"? Whatever the case, the comments say a lot more about the attitudes of the American public on the subject of Surrogacy then the article itself. It also shows that A LOT of public education is sorely needed on this topic and other Third Party Family Building avenues.

 

Your thoughts?

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

The Surrogacy Relationship: Staying in contact.....or not

     After interviewing hundreds of potential surrogates and talking with the same amount of Intended Parents over the years, the subject always comes up regarding contact after the birth. This conversation takes place far before any match is made and has shown me over and over the optimism of all parties involved. 'No matter who I am matched with, we will be having a baby and I would like to know what will our relationship look like after the birth?' Expectations. Optimism. Positive thinking. Call it what you will but its a subject that needs to be discussed. It needs to be discussed and UNDERSTOOD that no matter what each party maybe feeling NOW, emotions, relationships, situations will change. (Not may change, WILL CHANGE.)

     I think that some Intended Parents are more than willing to consider a relationship with their surrogate and try to actually build that into their vision of what a future will look like for their child/children. Some IP's, flat out, state that they can't get beyond the thought of a once a year photo and a small percentage are seemingly firm on their views on future relationship...no contact at all. Period.

     A large percentage of women who envision themselves becoming a surrogate for a lucky couple want some contact after the birth of the baby. They understand that this isn't their biological child. They are cognizant of the fact that legally they have no rights, however, they may see themselves receiving photos and visiting with the family a couple of times a year...maybe e-mails or cards when the big milestones happen; first tooth, first step, first day of school. Why is this? I don't believe that it has as much to do with the baby but with the Intended Parents themselves. Surrogate's want to believe that they will mean more to their couple then "being just a carrier". That they will become life long friends with a common goal. That the couple will appreciate her forever and want to share the same joys that she has experienced with her own children. And, honestly, throughout the surrogacy journey most relationships move from the parties being complete strangers to constant companions. It's hard to make that jump, after the birth, and return to "normal" life for the surrogate mother and the IP's taking care of a newborn. In an instant, their relationship has changed.

     When the decision to work together within the realm of surrogacy was reached, the conversation regarding contact after the birth should have taken place. And no matter what the agreed consensus was at that time, hopefully as the pregnancy progressed, the topic was discussed again. It's ok if the thought process changed and feelings are now decidedly different between the start of this relationship and the birth but it is important that no one is lead to believe something that will/will not be happening...whether that means there will be no contact at all on the surrogates part, or there will be no photos coming from the IP's or that an unexpected friendship bloomed and everyone wants to have lots of contact as apposed to very little.  Whatever the situation its best to remember that communication is key and the understanding of each other's emotional investment is essential!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net 

Unconventional Birth

Introducing Writer and past Surrogate: Helen Zanone!

A married mother of 3 independent and rambunctious children and with a wide range of interests, Helen is now broadening her horizons to include writing poetry, short stories and articles. Having a diverse background which includes a stint in the United States Air Force, living in Europe, an on-going marriage of 18+ years, and agreeing to be a  Gestational Surrogate (twice!), Helen has extensive personal knowledge to share with her readers on various life changing topics using her brilliant writing skills. 

With all of her first hand experience and thoughtful introspection, Helen writes of the pain, fear and finally, the ultimate goal of surrogacy: the end of a long unconventional journey that is completed with a babe held in the Intended Parents arms. 

Unconventional Birth

Dear women I feel your pain.

I see your cheeks that tears have stained.

You have no idea why this is happening to you.

You are not sure what to do.

Arms ache for a baby to hold.

You would treat a child like precious gold.

Maybe there is something I could do,

A way to help dreams come true.

There is a reason God put me on this earth,

To bring you a child, through an unconventional birth.

I will keep your baby safe for nine months or so,

Just long enough for her to grow.

I remember the way my children smelled,

When close to my heart, they were held.

I want to bring that joy to you,

A little one to dress in pink or blue.

Together with a lot of hope and prayer,

Soon, in your babys face you will stare.

I will know that my job is through,

When your arms hold the baby that has always belonged to you.

By: Helen Zanone

Subchorionic Bleeding

Bleeding during your pregnancy always seems to cause a panic attack especially when you have gone through so much to actually GET pregnant. Shots, pills, suppositories, IVF, Ultrasounds and now THIS....unexpected bleeding. I have talked with several surrogates who have had this happen to only to have them rush into the RE's office and find that their tiny charges are perfectly fine and the are experiencing Subchorionic bleeding. Below is a great article that will be able to explain what the fuss is all about. I do want to say though, if you have ANY TYPE of bleeding you need to call your DR, RE or OB.

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subchorionic Bleeding

Sometimes, blood clots form within the layers of the placenta. But more often than not, they heal themselves.

What it is: Also called subchorionic hematoma, subchorionic bleeding is the accumulation of blood within the folds of the chorion (the outer fetal membrane, next to the placenta) or within the layers of the placenta itself. These bleeds, or clots, can cause the placenta to separate from the uterine wall if they get too large, if they develop in a bad spot, or if they aren’t eventually reabsorbed.

How common is it? A good 20 percent of pregnant women will experience some kind of bleeding early in pregnancy, though it’s often hard to tell what’s causing the problem. Subchorionic hematomas are even harder to pick up because they don’t always result in noticeable spotting or bleeding, especially when they’re small.

Who is most at risk? There don’t seem to be any specific risk factors for developing a subchorionic hematoma in the first place, but if you do wind up with one, there are factors that can make you more — or less — likely to have a positive outcome.

What are the symptoms? Spotting or bleeding may be a sign, often beginning in the first trimester. But many subchorionic bleeds are detected during a routine ultrasound, without there being any noticeable signs or symptoms.

Should you be concerned? You wouldn’t be normal if you didn’t worry when you see blood, no matter when it occurs in your pregnancy. And that’s actually a good thing, especially if it prompts you to get in touch with your practitioner, who can make sure there’s nothing amiss. While most subchorionic hematomas dissolve on their own, it is possible for the clot to get in between the placenta and the uterine wall, resulting in miscarriage.
 
Here’s the encouraging news: More than half of women who bleed during their first trimester go on to have perfectly healthy pregnancies. But because subchorionic hematomas have been linked to increased risk of placental abruption and preterm labor, you don’t want to ignore signs of spotting or bleeding.

What you should do: Call your practitioner; an ultrasound may be ordered to see whether there is indeed a hematoma, how large it is, and where it’s located. Depending on the findings, as well as on your practitioner’s preferences, he or she may put you on strict bed rest, insist you refrain from lifting heavy objects, and avoid exercise. In most cases, you’ll be asked to avoid sexual intercourse until the hematoma dissolves and disappears.

Invasive procedure: Start of (Injectable) Medications

Invasive procedure: Start of (Injectable) Medications

Usual fee: $500.00

    

    The reason I specify "Injectable" Medications is because some woman are asked to take birth control pills as the start of the medical regimen. They can be on these small pills for sometime while the cycle is being controlled and/or synchronized with either the egg donor or Intended Mother. In actuality most women are already using this method of birth control before they even consider being a surrogate. When the other medications are introduced is when the "Invasiveness" happens....first is a daily shot of Lupron. This is given with a small needle and is substations. For those who are not used to giving themselves daily injections this can be a bit intimidating but for the most part they are easily administered and not painful. 

 

    The next and most dreaded are the progesterone shots. These needles are quite large and are intramuscular. They are usually given/taken in the behind area...upper hip....a hard to reach area and can be quite uncomfortable. If a surrogate does become pregnant she can expect to take these shots for 8-12 weeks depending on the clinic's protocol. It is really hard to find a place that hasn't already been 'hit' once during this time frame and as the weeks pass, this area becomes somewhat tender. Estrogen is also part of the regimen and these often come in pill form but I have also experienced them (personally) in the intramuscular shot form. 

 

     If a surrogate has an RE who uses something other then the shot forms of these and other medications there is still the discomfort and side effects of each medication. Hot Flashes and mood swings to name a couple. Besides being required to take pills by mouth there are the vaginal suppositories and creams which can lead to yeast infections and other messy, uncomfortable itchy discharge. (Always ask your clinic for instructions on how to give yourself your medication....I am no doctor and am only sharing my own experiences or those of people I have worked with.)

    If a surrogate has agreed to 3 IVF cycles then she would have a start of medication fee each time...potentially leading the IPs to paying $1500.00 for just this clause in a contract.

 

    I will be touching on other invasive procedures and the fees associated with them in the weeks to come. If there is one you would like more information about please feel free to ask!

 

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

CVS Caremark Corp is offering discounts of about 30 percent on fertility treatments

If you haven't heard of the new CVS discounts on fertility medications, please read below!

 

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

 

CVS Caremark Corp is offering discounts of about 30 percent on fertility treatments

 

 

CHICAGO (Reuters) – CVS Caremark Corp said on Monday it is offering discounts of about 30 percent on fertility treatments to couples struggling with infertility and high medication costs.

The program is aimed at patients who do not have fertility medication health insurance coverage or who have exhausted their benefits for fertility medications.

CVS said about 7.3 million U.S. women and their partners, or about 12 percent of the reproductive-age population, are affected by infertility, citing data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

"On average patients will receive about 30 percent off for the cost of their medication," said Joan O'Rourke, vice president of strategic operations at CVS Caremark Specialty Pharmacy.

Patients must pay a $10 fee to enroll in the program, which includes services such as counseling and education.

While the program was launched in February, CVS is promoting it at the American Society of Reproductive Medicine's annual meeting this week.

Under a separate plan launched on Sunday, shoppers can get 90-day prescriptions for more than 400 common generic medications for $9.99 each at CVS drugstores when they pay an annual fee of $10.

About 45.7 million Americans were uninsured in 2007, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

(Reporting by Jessica Wohl; Editing by Tim Dobbyn)

Q~~Why are surrogates paid more the more surrogacies they have done?

A~~I just had this discussion while I was at the ASRM conference this week  regarding why aren't surrogates (and their fees) divided into just two categories; First Timers and Experienced. Women becoming a surrogate for the first time have a lot of research to do plus testing to go through. They often have psychological evaluations, need to be coached through the medical protocol, don't understand the shot regimen or the medications they need to take and are unsure of how the birth will effect them emotionally. In a nut shell, they need more hand holding! (And should have it!) 

 

An experienced Surrogate usually will not need another psychological eval unless something major has changed in her life over the past 2-4 years (Although I often recommend one anyway), she is familiar with the medical expectations even if they have changed because of new technology and she knows how she feels after giving birth to someone else's baby. (which is often a huge plus for Intended Parents who are worried about this very emotional time in the surrogacy relationship.)

 

So this begs the question of women who have been surrogates three or four + times why their "base" fee is higher then someone who has had one successful surrogacy arrangement and is matched for her 2nd time. What is the difference? Other then the fact that the 'more experienced' surrogate had proven that she can carry multiple times I say that there isn't much of a difference. As a matter of fact, if a surrogate has more then 3 C-sections she is no longer desirable to a number of clinics/RE's because of the many risks of weakening uteruses and scar tissue to name a couple of complications.

 

I will even put myself out on a limb and state that I feel it would be better for surrogates and IP's alike if there were two levels of Base Fees....One for the first time surrogate and a level for the experienced surrogate. (with and without the insurance element) Remember I am talking base fee....there is still the laundry list of other "benefits" that are individualized to each situation such as lost wages, housekeeping, child care, maternity clothes, travel and invasive procedures to name a few.

 

Will this, two tiered compensation plan, happen a crossed our great nation? Perhaps, if government regulation steps in. Will Base Fee's be taxed? Will 1099's make for higher base fees because the IP's need to pay even more for a woman to carry their baby? And will there be a tax credit for IP's using surrogate mothers to carry their children? I have no doubt that these questions will be answered in time!

 

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Q & A with Sharon LaMothe: Can a 'failed transfer' be the surrogates fault?

Q: Can a 'failed transfer' be the surrogates fault?

              

A: The word 'fault' is defined something like this in the Webster dictionary:

1 obsolete : LACK
2 a : WEAKNESS , FAILING ; especially : a moral weakness less serious than a vice b : a physical or intellectual imperfection or impairment :

3 a : MISDEMEANOR b : MISTAKE
4 : responsibility for wrongdoing or failure <the accident was the driver's fault>

~

    So if you are asking if your surrogate made a mistake and the transfer failed then the answer might be yes. I say 'might be' because it depends on the mistake and why it was made. You have to remember that there are so many players in this game. Lets assume that you are asking if she made a mistake regarding her medications. If she followed the clinic/RE guidelines to a T and those directions were wrong then the mistake lies with the clinic. If she misunderstood some directions and then 'guessed' instead of asking for clarification then the surrogate was at fault for that aspect of the possible failure. But lets remember that we can also look at the quality of the eggs....the sperm...the embryo's that were made and the embryologist who graded them. How did the transfer go? Was the uterine lining the thickness that the RE required? I could go on...but I want to say that even if all is perfect the embryo transfer can still fail because there is nothing guaranteed in Assisted Reproductive Technology...Nothing! If you trust your surrogate and she did all that was humanly possible on her end then you must move on to the next step and leave the disappointment of this failed transfer behind you!

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.org 

Appointments, Appointments, Appointments....Which ones should Intended Parents attend?

     You have started your journey down the road of Surrogacy and from the first phone call with your agency owner the appointments started. The first one may have been the phone conference with your potential surrogate and then a face to face meeting and then your surrogate would have her appointment with your RE...should you attend that? Is that something you, as the IP, can attend? What about some of the clinic appointments that your surrogate will be going to once you all have decided to work together? Should you go to the first lining check? And then there is that BIG DAY...the embryo transfer, is that a MUST BE THERE appointment? Can you see where this is going? If you live in a different state or even a different country it is hard to make even the most important appointments but if you can I personally feel the following appointments are MUST attend....

 

* meeting your surrogate before the signing of the contract

* embryo transfer(s)...Yes all of them!

* the first ultra sound after the positive Beta test (how many babies are in there??)

* the first OBGYN appointment with the DR. (Not the initial with the nurse)

* the 18-20 week ultra sound (is that a boy or a girl?)

* the BIRTH (and if you can come in advance and spend time with your surrogate and her family....YOU MADE IT! Celebrate it!)

 

     If you feel that all 6 of these appointments are not going to be doable for you I would at least make a major attempt at the 3 in red. (or ask your surrogate what would be important to her for you to attend if you are flexiable) Communication via e-mail and phone is so important if you are too far away to come to all the appointments that offer opportunities for you to spend time with your surrogate and your growing baby.

 

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

The Surrogacy Contract and the Loss of Reproductive Organs Clause

Loss of Reproductive Organs 

Reimbursement for the Loss of Reproductive Organs is a fairly new concept and one that I honestly disagree with however it doesn't matter what I think in this case...it matters if it's a deal breaker to the Surrogate or Intended Parent when it comes to contract issues.

When a surrogate agrees to enter into a contract with Intended Parents it’s usually written SOMEWHERE in the contract that she, the surrogate, is aware of the complications of child birth. This can be worded in many different ways but what this section is really saying to women is that you know that there are risks to pregnancy and birth. The risk of an ectopic pregnancy, risk of miscarriage, risk of infections, risk of c-sections, risk of high blood pressure, risk of gestational diabetes, risk of hysterectomy, and yes, even the risk of death. This list is as long as my arm but I think my point is very clear. Being a surrogate mother is risky! (which is why you need health and life insurance!)

To ask for a set amount in case there is a loss of reproductive organs has been seen in quite a few of the newer contracts. I have noticed anywhere from $15,000 to $25,000 depending on what reproductive organ is lost. In the case of an ectopic pregnancy an ovary might be damaged or lost and with a hysterectomy the uterus and other parts of the reproductive system are removed. Each of these situations, where organs are removed, is usually done in emergency circumstances only. Even in the case of a miscarriage with a D&C the uterine lining can be damaged and a condition called Ashermans syndrome can occur and make the surrogate mother unable to carry for anyone, including herself.

Most of these organ threatening situations are rare but they do happen. Many agencies and clinics will ask the woman wanting to be a surrogate if she feels satisfied with her family as it stands at that moment. Would she regret it if she couldn't add to her own family in the future? If so, is that a risk she is willing to take? And lets be honest, no amount of money is going to placate a woman for her loss of fertility. Even $25,000 isn't going to scratch the surface of replacing her ability to become pregnant and carry her own child. (How well her very own Intended Parents will know this!)

 

Comments? Is your contract different? I would like to hear from you!

 

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Health Insurance and Surrogacy

Health Insurance

     

    I touched on Health Insurance when talking about the base fee. Health Insurance is so important when carrying a baby. There are so many issues that could go wrong and drive up the potential cost of a surrogacy arrangement. Some Intended Parents think that they will 'self pay' on the labor and delivery at the hospital and at the OB but with all of the risk factors they are taking a huge financial risk! And any woman agreeing to be a surrogate needs to know that she can easily be left holding the bag with thousands of dollars of medical bills for a pregnancy that isn't problem free. After all...it's all in her name...the hospital, the doctor, everything! She is relying on the "medical reimbursement' clause in her contract to hold water....and that it may...but when the money is paid? Time will only tell. Would it happen before her credit is totally ruined?

       

    How to find health insurance? This is the question that may people are asking now that Insurance Companies are adding surrogacy exclusions to their policies. Even 2nd and 3rd time surrogates are finding that their policies have changed from one pregnancy to the next. Some women who have tried to check with their policy holder have been totally honest and up front and found that even if its not listed as an exclusion that they were not covered because the person they talked to on the phone took "notes" and right in their files the word "surrogacy" is typed in black and white. Even when women who want to go with the don't ask don't tell frame of mind are risking financial ruin. If you want your IP's to be involved with the OB appointments then its going to be pretty hard to explain to the OB and the hospital staff why this other couple are so involved and interested in YOUR pregnancy. There are several 'surrogacy friendly' policies out there but they do cost quite a bit. I will touch on those options later.

     

Please note that Health Insurance is not meant to cover IVF, medications involved with IVF or any infertility testing in a surrogacy situation. These costs are out of pocket expenses that the Intended Parents have to be responsible for and NOT their surrogate or her Health Insurance.  

    

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Surrogacy and Life Insurance

Life Insurance

  

    Isn't this always a depressing topic when really everyone going through surrogacy wants to remain positive.....then Life Insurance is tossed in the mix. Who wants to think that someone, especially a wife and mother who is volunteering her body to carry for another couple, has to put a price on her life. BUT it is necessary. I believe that a life insurance policy is a mental and emotional necessity. Every woman worries about her own family and even if she is a stay at home mother with zero income her contribution to her family is invaluable. If anything should happen to her then certain practical issues will come about (not to mention all of the mental and emotional trauma that will be happening to everyone left behind!)

  

    For Stay at Home Moms the common life insurance policy that is recommended is for $200,000-$250,000. A term policy may be less then $300.00 per year. Not so much for a piece of mind. What is taken into consideration regarding the amount are some of the following issues (and some are the same concerns that a Doctor would have of anyone going through the IVF process):

  

Does she smoke?

What is her BMI? (Body Mass Index)

Does she work in a hazardous environment?

Does she drink?

Does she take recreational drugs?

Does she have any dangerous hobbies? (sky diving?)

  

    If the surrogate is a working/career woman, often her work offers a Life Insurance policy. She may not be taking advantage of it but she can contact her work place and see what is available and the Intended Parents can reimburse her for the yearly cost. Note that all Life Insurance companies require that the person being covered is the one who pays for the policy so the surrogate will always have to be reimbursed for any policy that is purchased, The Intended Parents can not go out and buy one for her on their own.

 

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

What is the ASRM?

If you are involved with ART at all you will eventually become aware of the existence of the ASRM (American Society of Reproductive Medicine). From the web site the ASRM history is as follows: 

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine was founded by a small group of fertility experts who met in Chicago in 1944.  Distinguished members of ASRM have led the development of the field of reproductive medicine.  They were the first physicians to perform many of the standard procedures used by fertility specialists today, including donor insemination and in vitro fertilization; they have developed new approaches to contraception and ovulation induction that are still in use; and they have helped form key legislation and fought for reproductive rights when public policy in reproductive matters did not exist.

Today, ASRM members reside in all 50 of the United States and in over 100 other countries.  The Society is multidisciplinary, with members including obstetrician/gynecologists, urologists, reproductive endocrinologists, embryologists, mental health professionals, internists, nurses, practice administrators, laboratory technicians, pediatricians, research scientists, and veterinarians.  The ASRM has an administrative office in Birmingham, Alabama, and a public affairs office in Washington, D.C.  Policy is set by an elected Board of Directors and implemented by an Executive Director, an Associate Executive Director, and an accomplished staff.

The ASRM web site has many helpful links which includes finding a doctor:

ASRM: Main Page With Links to Individual Search Pages

Here are more links that the ASRM Website offers:

Abnormal Uterine Bleeding   Adhesions   Adoption   Aging   Alcohol & Drug Use   Amenorrhea   American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM)   Androgen Therapy   Artificial Insemination   Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART)   Birth Defects   Cancer and Fertility   Clinical Trials   Cloning   Cytomegalovirus (CMV)   Contraception   Counseling   Ectopic Pregnancy   Egg Donation   Egg Freezing   Embryo Donation   Embryo Research   Endometriosis   Environmental Factors   Ethics and Reproduction

Food and Drug Administration (FDA)   Female Infertility   Gender Selection   Genetics   Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV)   Hormone Therapy   Hydrosalpinx   Hyperprolactinemia   Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI)   Infertility   Insurance   In Vitro Fertilization (IVF)   Male Infertility   Menopause   Miscarriage   Multiple Gestation   Myomas   Oocyte Cryopreservation   Osteoporosis   Ovarian Tissue Cryopreservation   Ovulation Detection   Ovulation Drugs   Ovulation Induction

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)   Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis (PGD)   Premature Ovarian Failure   Prevention of Infertility   Prolactin Excess   Psychological Impact of Infertility   Recurrent Pregnancy Loss   Safe Sex Practices   Sexual Dysfunction   Sex Selection   Sexually Transmitted Diseases/Infections   Smoking   Sperm Donation   Spinal Cord Injury   Stem Cells   Stress   Surrogacy   Reproductive Surgery   Tobacco Use   Turner Syndrome   Unexplained Infertility   Uterine Fibroids   Vasectomy and Vasectomy Reversal   Weight (Under and Over)

Visiting the ASRM website is well worth your time especially if you are researching your options. Knowing who is a member is also helpful. There are plenty of ways to gather information out there in cyber space and this site is a must see!

On a personal note, I will be attending this years ASRM meeting November 8-12th  and hope to bring back valuable information to share with my readers!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Surrogacy: A Mothers Gift-Carrying the Burden for her Daughter

Maybe this is a twist on surrogacy in a very GOOD way....with all the 'news' about 'professional surrogates', outsourcing surrogacy to India, surrogacy laws being passed in Australia etc. and so on a mother giving the ultimate gift to her daughter, children of her own to love and raise, is a breath of fresh air. I know how it feels to give birth to twins at 41 and it was no picnic so I find it hard to comprehend how a 56 year old carrying triplets felt physically. Congratulations and kudos for a job well done Jaci, Kim and Joe. Really...that's all that needs to be said!

 

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

A twist on surrogacy

Woman gives birth to her own grandchildren

By: THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

 

CLEVELAND (AP) - Not only has a 56-year-old Ohio woman given birth to triplets, but they're her own granddaughters.

Jaci Dalenberg of Wooster carried the babies as a surrogate for her daughter, Kim Coseno. The two identical twins and their sister were born by Caesarean section Oct. 11 at the Cleveland Clinic's Hillcrest Hospital in Mayfield Heights and are still in the hospital's care. They were more than two months premature and each weighed less than three pounds.

A Cleveland Clinic news release says infants and grandmother are all doing well.

According to a Clinic spokesman, Dalenberg offered herself as a surrogate when Kim Coseno and her husband, Joe, were waiting to adopt. The couple used in vitro fertilization, and embryos were implanted in Dalenberg's uterus.

The Surrogate: a seven part series printed by the St. Petersburg Times

Below are links to a seven part series on a Gestational Carrier printed by the St. Petersburg Times. Carolyn Zinn is the surrogate mother who was followed for two years by the reporter of this in depth story, Leonora LaPeter Anton. Although these events are true and filled with details and longing, I do have some concerns with the phraseology used (and if you read the last link with the comments you will read a few from me!) I don't like the phrases "professional baby maker" or "career Surrogate", or even "professional Surrogate". I don't believe there is such a thing. Just because a woman chooses to help a family more then twice, does that really make her a 'professional'? You tell me....I am also very much against comparing surrogates to cars or ovens or anything else that isn't human. No matter the good intentions I just feel its wrong to take a gift that isn't offered to everyone and treat it and the person offering as an object. Did that happen in this series? Maybe...and then again it's your opinion that I want to hear!

 

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

 

	[CARRIE PRATT | Times]

Chapter One

http://www.tampabay.com/features/humaninterest/article859331.ece

The weight of expectation
She’s a professional baby maker with a perfect record. But it can't last forever. Can it?

 

Chapter Two

http://www.tampabay.com/features/humaninterest/article862017.ece

A calling that cannot be denied
Carolyn may be the professional surrogate, but her life's calling touches her whole family.

 

Chapter Three

http://www.tampabay.com/features/humaninterest/article863748.ece

Doctors, labs — and prayers
A doctor thaws eight frozen embryos and transfers the five that survive into Carolyn Zinn's uterus.

 

Chapter Four

http://www.tampabay.com/features/humaninterest/article865246.ece

New hope for worn hearts
Carolyn undergoes her fourth embryo transfer, this time with freshly fertilized eggs instead of frozen.

 

Chapter Five

http://www.tampabay.com/features/humaninterest/article866863.ece

The pro, or just the third wheel?
To Carolyn's surprise, her client brings in a second surrogate in hopes that one of the women will give her a baby.

 

Chapter Six

http://www.tampabay.com/features/humaninterest/article868445.ece

The final countdown
Carolyn and a second surrogate vie to give Diane a child. Carolyn knows this is her last chance.

 

Chapter Seven

http://www.tampabay.com/features/humaninterest/article869322.ece

Circle of life
Given a final chance, Carolyn receives one last embryo transfer and 10 days later goes to the doctor to learn the results.

 

Comments on this article

http://blogs.tampabay.com/talk/2008/10/discuss-special.html

Criminal Background Checks Before Fertility Treatments? Compare the US to Australia ...

 

 

Because Australia has been struggling with forming laws regarding Assisted Reproductive Technology, they have decided that in order to balance making the IVF process more liberal they would require all IVF patients to undergo criminal background checks. Wow! This includes cancer patients that would have to wait to start their chemotherapy or radiation treatments until the checks were completed and then have their eggs retrieved...and by then it could be too late. I would like to say at this point that this landmark legislation has not been passed in Victoria, YET! I hope that someone down under is rethinking this entire situation. Note: these are IP's that would be carrying their own children and not necessarily relying on surrogacy or even egg donation.

 

Men and women who have children naturally don't have to have background checks. That would be an impossible task however, the couples in the infertility world can be "regulated" and "checked". Doesn't that seem unfair? Lets look at what happens in the United States in regard to surrogacy in particular.  The majority of women becoming surrogates through agencies, law offices and clinics (whether Traditional or Gestational) undergo a criminal back ground check. This is to alieviate the fear that there maybe something in the surrogates back ground that would dub them as dishonest opportunists. I have personally read dozens of background checks on surrogates and their partners and really the worst I have seen has been a DUI, bad checks and one restraining order and that was on the husband from a past relationship. Hummmm. Most of these issues were confessed before the background check. Now for Intended Parents. Surrogates want to know if the Intended Parents have had a child taken away, child abuse in their past, arrested for possession of drugs, multi DUI's and so on. Some IP's refuse to have a criminal background check just on principle. They feel that their private business is just that, private. No matter that the surrogate had to go under the very same kind of check. Lets not forget that these background checks are not mandated by US law. It is common practice by conscientious professionals.

 

Do I think we should no longer have background checks? Just the opposite, I think that everyone should be treated in the same way. However, background checks in the states can be done within days. They should not hold up any treatments or surrogacy matches. But again it seems that because Assisted Reproductive Technology (in this case assisted via surrogacy) is being utilized, background checks should involve all parties, Intended Parents and Surrogates. My reasons are very simple. Trust. These background checks can be used as a building block for the surrogacy relationship. When someone refuses a background check the 1st question that is asked is WHY? If you have nothing to hide then why refuse. Every shred of privacy is gone from personal medical information to the psychological thought processes so why not build the trust with one more level of disclosure? If you have nothing to hide...you have nothing to worry about.

 

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

 

 

 

 

Intended Parents: Yes, you DO need an attorney!

   

    The reason I entitled this blog with an obvious statement is because SOME people just don't think that the expense of hiring an attorney is necessary for a surrogacy contract. (Those are the people you read about in the news!) There are some IP's out there that get on the Internet and find "sample" contracts and think that will fit the bill. They think that a contract is a one size fits all kind of deal at best and at worst they just want to cover the basics to shut up the surrogate. (sounds harsh but truth often is) IP's who are on a budget should not cut corners when it comes to an attorney.

    When you hire an attorney it should not be your brother-in-law who only practices criminal law, or family law, or wills and probate. You need an attorney who specializes in ART law (Assisted Reproductive Technology). Someone who is familiar with contracts, ART verbiage, knows what egg donation is and has experience with surrogacy situations. He/She needs to know the laws in your state and the state that your surrogate resides in...just in case someone needs to travel for the birth because of state law. Your attorney needs to have experience with the local judges so that when the parentage actions are done he/she can get everything completed ASAP and having worked with the judge in the past helps.....a lot! Need a passport because you live out side of the USA? Then your attorney should be able to guide you. Have questions regarding social security numbers? He or She should be able to direct you. Have reservations or hesitations regarding how the legal process is done? Then a good ART attorney should be able to help you decide what the best course of action to take is.  Need an attorney to review the contract with your surrogate? Then your attorney should have several recommendations for you to choose from.

    So maybe your new surrogate with past experience says to you " Lets use my old contract! It will save you money." Well...it's a good start...you know what your surrogate will and will not agree too. You know what she is expecting as far as the benefits package BUT still you need an attorney to make sure that YOU, the IP's are properly represented. After all...the person drawing up that "previously used" contract may not have thought about some of the personal concerns YOU may have. It certainly doesn't have your information listed and you can bet that if you live in a different state that it doesn't quote the correct legal statutes. Plus you still need someone to go over it properly so that you understand what you are agreeing to.

    I hope I made my point! You won't regret having your own attorney! (oh, and it will help if you have them hold the escrow as well!That will be another installment!)

 

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net 

Impossible is just a word

Alice laughed. "There's no use trying," she said. "One can't

believe impossible things."

"I dare say you haven't much practice," said the

Queen. "When I was your age I did it for half an hour a day.

Why sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible

things before breakfast."

-Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking-Glass

    Hey out there. You know who you are...don't give up hope. Just remember that if one way doesn't work out all you need to do is keep an open mind and look at a different prospective. You can get what you want. It just may be wrapped in a different package. Impossible is just a word.

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Why do surrogates need an attorney?

    Some are seeing this topic and saying...this is a no brainer...but there are others who have waived their rights to an attorney and regretted it. (or not...let me hear from you if that is the case!) I hate to admit it but I waived the right to an attorney for my second surrogacy. Yep, I thought that I knew it all...inside and out...after all I had been a surrogate before. I owned a Surrogacy Agency. I helped others discuss contract issues. Cocky.

    Now my situation wasn't that sticky. It could have been a lot worse! There were just times when I wished I could pick up the phone and talk to someone who knew my side, my contract, and could answer my questions without a disclaimer/reminder that they worked for the IP's. Because that's what happens when you, the Surrogate, don't have your own personal attorney, you end up calling your IP's attorney hoping to get some answers or direction. Needless to say you want to avoid THAT phone call. It doesn't make you feel very special.

    Most IP's only provide enough money for the contract review. (between $600 and $1,000) This means that you have a attorney (hopefully one who knows Assisted Reproductive Law) review the proposed contract with you, the Surrogate. Your attorney would explain to you what you are agreeing to, what issues can be enforced, what the risks are if you change your mind, what will happen if you breech your contract and on and on and on. You can ask all the legal questions you want and have a dialog with your attorney that should make you very comfortable with your understanding of what exactly you (and your spouse) are signing. Contract changes can be made and negations regarding expenses can be resolved.

    If you are in the middle of your surrogacy and all of a sudden you are asked to do something not in your contract or something happens and it doesn't seem clear the best way to handle the situation, you should be able to call the attorney who reviewed your contract and ask your question. If a difficult or confusing issue arises and you need to hire an attorney at least you have a starting point, someone who was with you in the beginning, and someone who can guide you in your decisions.

    Why take any chances? IP's, you should really want to have your Surrogate hire her own attorney if only to reassure yourselves that she knows what she is doing legally. If a situation arises that you are before a judge because of a misunderstanding and your surrogate had no representation at the signing of the contract then that leaves you wide open and vulnerable as well. Cover all the bases and insist on having your own attorney. After all, Intended Parents are represented, why not you, the Surrogate?

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net 

We don't want to know you: Anonymous Surrogacy

     Is there such an animal as a surrogacy arrangement where you never meet the Intended Parents? OR the Intended Parents never meet their Surrogate? (same question, really, but I couldn't resist!) Maybe the better question is should there be Anonymous Surrogacy offered at all? While many out there in the USA ( it seems) are screaming 'Surrogates are only doing it for the money' and 'surrogacy equals supplemental income' , women in other parts of the world ARE agreeing to surrogacy arrangements where they have no clue who they are carrying a baby for. They don't know if the Intended parents are a married couple, single, a gay couple, male, female, or a medical institution needing some 'body' to carry a hybrid baby. (ok, the Robin Cook side of me is coming out but you get the point, right?) They NEVER MEET the people they are pregnant for! So why are those women surrogates at all. I will give you ONE GUESS! If your first thought was MONEY then you are smarter then a 5th grader!

     ...and what's so bad about being Intended Parents who never meet their Surrogate Mother? I know that some IP's want total detachment from the woman carrying their baby which might make it easier if anything awful happens to her or the unborn baby during the process. (Therefore protecting themselves from further disappointment.)  However that buffer doesn't allow them to experience the joys of the pregnancy either. The excitement of the transfer, the wonder of the first ultrasound where they personally can see the heart beat of their baby to be. The option to attend OB appointments and being at that special ultrasound that shows the sex of their baby. Communicating with their surrogate so she can tell them, in her own words, how she is feeling and hear the happiness in her voice as she shares the joy of carrying that special child for her Intended Parents. I am wondering if these Intended Parents, who have opted to go to, say, India, and not meet the woman who will be carrying their child, question why she wanted to be surrogate in the first place. And once the conclusion is reached: "for the money " the next question might be what is her incentive to take the best care of herself, eat right, exercise, lower stress and keep all of her appointments. I mean, she has no connection to the IP's. This is just a job to her....a job to 'get through' so she can get paid. Makes you think, doesn't it?

     I really believe that women who want to be surrogate mothers, (these women wouldn't even think of NOT meeting their future IP's!) whether Traditional or Gestational, have in mind the type of Intended Parents they will carry for or at least a dream of what that relationship will be like between the IP's and themselves. I truly believe this is the first thought....the seed that starts to grow when these special women are researching the possibilities of becoming a surrogate. In their minds, I think, they envision the reactions of the IP's when their baby is brought into the world and handed from surrogate to new parents. The beauty, the tears of joy, the completeness of two dreams being made at once, a woman wanting to see her IP's hold a child that she helped to create and IP's holding their very own baby and seeing a bright future that was hidden in the shadows for too long....and this would not happen in an anonymous situation.

     I think meeting and being involved with each other, IP's and Surrogates, is not only worth the 'risk' but part of the process that no one should be exempt from!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Questions for Sharon LaMothe, Real-Life Baby Mama

 

 I participated in an interview with Cheryl Miller of the New Atlantis. I certainly don't share any of the traits portrayed the previews of this movie (I boycotted it!) but you can decide! I am posting the links here! Enjoy! Thank you again, Cheryl!!

Cheryl Miller

New Atlantisblogger

Cheryl Miller is a 2007 Phillips Foundation Journalism Fellow and the editor of Doublethink magazine. Her work has appeared in such publications as the Philadelphia Inquirer, Policy Review, Reason, and the Claremont Review of Books.

For The New Atlantis, she writes the blog “Conceptions” on assisted reproductive technologies. She can be reached at cmiller@thenewatlantis.com.

Part One: Choosing surrogacy, money matters, etc.

I'm pleased to introduce a new feature here at Conceptions: a monthly interview with someone from the ART world. I hope to get a variety of perspectives: doctors, attorneys specializing in reproductive law, agency owners, bioethicists, activists, would-be parents, and many more. If you're interested in participating, please drop me a line at cmiller [at] thenewatlantis [dot] com.

For our inaugural interview, we have Sharon LaMothe, a real-life "baby mama." Sharon is a two-time gestational surrogate, giving birth to twins each time in March 2000 and January 2005. She also runs her own surrogacy agency and is the proprietress of Infertility Answers, Inc. At her super-informative blog, Surrogacy 101, she dispenses advice to surrogates, donors, and would-be parents.

Interview edited and condensed by Cheryl Miller.

http://www.thenewatlantis.com/blog/conceptions/questions-for-sharon-lamothe-real-life-baby-mama (Part One) and http://www.thenewatlantis.com/blog/conceptions/questions-for-sharon-lamothe-real-life-baby-mama-2 (Part Two).

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net