Surrogacy 101

Traditional Surrogacy: How Do Ovulation Tests Work?

Perhaps you are a Traditional Surrogate getting ready for IUI's with your IP's or even attempting to become pregnant on your own and if either of these situations are the case you might have questions regarding ovulation predictor test kits. There are several on the market to choose from and below is a short list of common questions and answers regarding what these kits are for and how they work. Good Luck!!

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Q: How do ovulation tests work?

Ovulation tests detect luteinizing hormone (LH). Just prior to ovulation, women experience a brief surge in luteinizing hormone. Ovulation predictor kits help you pinpoint this surge and anticipate ovulation - your most fertile period in your cycle. Luteinizing hormone, in elevated amounts, is actually the hormone that causes you to ovulate (when the eggs bursts from the ovarian follicle), so that is why lh tests are so effective in anticipating your most fertile time.

Q: What is the best time of day to take the ovulation test?

Unlike pregnancy tests, morning (first morning urine) is not the best time to collect samples for ovulation tests, as LH is synthesized in your body early in the morning and will not appear in your urine until the afternoon. The ideal time to test is in the afternoon, around 2pm, though testing may safely take place from 10am to early evening.

Q: Should I take the test the same time every day?

Yes, be sure to test at the same time each day. Also, reduce your liquid intake around 2 hours before testing as a diluted liquid sample can prevent or hinder LH detection.

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

FAMILY STRUCTURE

Lets have pride in our families...one and all! Happy Sunday! Sharon

Myth: The only acceptable home for a child contains a mother and father who are married to each other.

Fact: Our children are raised in families large and small. There are one-parent, two-parent, and grandparent headed families. There are stepfamilies, blended families, foster families, families of birth and families of intention. There are families with one child, families with ten children, families with no relatives and families bursting with extended family activity. Families are interracial, multiracial, intergenerational, gay and straight. The reality of today is that the traditional definition of the married, heterosexual couple with 1.5 children is only one of the many, many families that our children grow and thrive in. To say that it is the only acceptable home for our children insults all children's homes that do not look like this. We believe that the "acceptable" home for a child is one in which love, commitment, and support are freely given among its members...

Source: Golombok et al. 1983, Green, R., 1978, 1986.
Excerpted from the Family Pride Coalition.
Reprinted with permission.

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Quote June 28th

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.  — Victor Frankl

Tears and Hope: the infertility awareness project

Tears and Hope

This is a heart breaking video to music that I wanted to share with you...But through it all there is HOPE!

All my best for those of you still waiting, still trying and still hanging on through the tears.... 

Sharon
Picture was taken in Maine 2004

www.InfertilityAnswers.net 

Doctor’s Orders – poke her in the, ah, fanny

Now that I have your attention, let’s talk seriously about giving your wife, the surrogate, her daily progesterone shots, even though there are other methods of receiving the medicine. Please understand that experts have done numerous studies on these things and their statistics show better results with intra-muscular, dare I say gluteus maximus, delivery. These clinics make a living from having high success rates of conception and so you better follow their strict protocols. A word of caution, the non-conceiving IPs are easy to think of as the patients, especially when they are also the paying clients - the surrogate is usually not told of the other options and almost never asked her preference.  Well, maybe this won't be totally serious, but I promise you that you will learn some tips on giving shots, and with less pain and bruising, she will thank you.

It all began for me with “guess what honey, you get to give me a shot in the butt every night for 12 weeks.” Since I was totally supportive of the entire making-a-difference and helping another couple achieve parenthood experience from the very beginning, I didn't even hesitate and said “doesn't a visiting nurse do that?” and then practically fainted when she showed me the huge needle. Don't panic yet though, you see it is very simple really, even a 3^rd grader could do this so just follow these steps. (Take a deep breath) First you have to remove the plastic seal and take off the medium sized needle that comes installed on the hypodermic plunger and throw it away and then find and open up and install a sterile large size needle on the plunger with a twist of the wrist so that you can withdraw precisely 2mm like a trained physician from an upside down small bottle with a rubber seal like you've seen on TV but don't forget to withdraw it further to an air bubble after removing from the bottle because next you have to take off that second needle and dispose of that in a special box too and then finally install the third needle that is much thinner thank goodness and swiftly but smoothly inject that in the muscle 2.5 inches behind the hip and 3 inches down after she has been sterilized there with an alcohol swab for 28 seconds of swiping and had it iced for at least 17 minutes to reduce the pain and numb the surface without pulling out at an angle or too roughly. Got it? I know what you are thinking, but you are wrong – that was not the joke part, that’s what the nurse showed me.  Relax, it’s easy by the third time so the last 11 weeks will go smoothly.

Now the tips I promised. One easy change my wife and I discovered was to just ice a small area in the perfect cheek zone with an ice cube in a face cloth because the clinic-recommended method of a large ice pack or a bag of frozen peas was more stunning to the flesh than the 'baby' needle. Secondly, and most important for minimizing pain, break the skin with a quick smooth motion – do NOT set the tip on the skin and gradually push harder until it breaks the skin. The thumb and pointer push motion should resemble throwing a dart. This is the hardest step mentally, since this is your loved one and you are holding a deadly weapon! At least you will build some trust here. Another easy one is to alternate cheeks, say left side on even days, or use a calendar. Another pain avoidance strategy my new doctor’s in training: hold the needle gently by the very end to remove it out straight – you know, along the same path you went in on – breaking a new trail with a sharp steel point won't win you any kisses. Of course, remind her to also hold still, and enjoy the free peek at her feminine curves.  With these few tips, there is usually no bleeding, no bruising, and sometimes she won't even feel it. Oh, and you won't have to sleep on the couch.

R.J. LaMothe (aka Joe)

Talking to your kids about surrogacy

     Again, I am approaching most of this discussion from the point of view of a woman who wants to be a surrogate. However, I have had several Intended Parents wonder about the same thing, talking to kids about Surrogacy. IP's may have a child of their own and wonder how to explain that another baby will be joining their family but Mom will not be pregnant.They may be looking ahead into the future and think about the day that they, the IP's, will talk to their child about how they came into this world and their own family. I will address this in a future blog with examples of how other IP's have approached this difficult topic.

      Now, as a mother and a potential carrier, it's important that everyone is onboard in your household regarding your surrogacy. You may have children who are to young to even understand what a pregnancy is...a 2 or 3 year old may just need to know the bare minimum....and except it as the norm. I know that my daughter at age 3 would go around telling anyone who would listen that her mommy was carrying a baby for Ms. K and it wasn't ours! Makes for an interesting conversation in the Sears check out line! Honestly, its  the older children most affected. Their mother will be exposed to their friends, neighbors, teachers, and cub scout leaders! Pregnant and not with a baby that belongs to Dad! With no intentions of bringing it home from the hospital! Ask your 8 year old to explain THAT! or your 13 or 17 year old for that matter!

     When I approached my teenager about me being a surrogate I had some explaining to do regarding HOW I was going to get pregnant with another couple's baby in the first place. I first told him about the couple and the circumstances. Then I explained the medical procedure in layman's terms. (Which is all I knew at the time) I used the analogy of donating my body to carry a baby for 9 months and then getting my body back. He really was very supportive and as long as he wasn't getting another sibling, he was quite happy! (needless to say that he had his hands full already with his own little sister! ) I think that for the most part, children are very giving and understanding regarding surrogacy. They think 'why wouldn't everyone want to have a baby/kid/child because look at how happy I make MY OWN PARENTS!'

     Many surrogates, including me, have said to their younger kids 'MS. ___'s tummy is broken and so she needs me to carry her baby for her and then I will give it back in the hospital'. Very simple and to the point. There may be follow up questions but nothing that you can't handle. There are several books out there as well for younger children. Just remember to be consistent throughout your pregnancy stating to your children often that this baby is NOT yours, not a member of your family and will NOT be living in your home after it's born.

     The most important thing is to make your surrogacy a family event! Be PROUD because you are giving a gift that will keep on giving forever....and your family will be your support, your foundation, your strength as you go through a pregnancy for another couple, helping them to realize their own goals...to have a family just like YOURS!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

The 'Failed' Transfer

    First lets start by talking about the transfer day. Hopefully everything up to this very exciting date has gone smoothly. The contracts are done and the medications have been administered. All the hormone levels and lining thickness are just as the RE likes to see and the developing embryos in the incubator are graded and doing well. As far as everyone is concern, this transfer SHOULD work!

    Once the embryo transfer takes place the 2WW starts. (two week wait) Approximately 2 weeks from the date of the transfer the surrogate has her hCG blood test hCG Levels : American Pregnancy Association  to see if she is pregnant. She may have tested at home using a HPT (home pregnancy test) and whether that was a positive or negative result a hCG is always done. Everyone waits. If the blood is taken first thing in the morning, most likely the results will come by the end of the same day.

    A negative result is often referred to as a "failed transfer'. For some reason the embryos didn't stick. Everyone involved has questions...why? We were told that it SHOULD work...was it the surrogates fault? The lab? The sperm or eggs? Why us? Why again? Why now? Dollar signs are seemingly flying out the window and even as the surrogate has a visit from Auntie Flow (AF, her Period) plans are being made for the next cycle.

    Reasonable expectations need to be the main focus during transfer time. I've always hated hearing the RE or the Embryologist saying that "THIS transfer is going to be  PERFECT" or "These embryos are Grade A+, the best I have seen in a long time" or "We had better watch out, this could be twins!". And then it fails...and everyone starts pointing fingers....

    Please remember that science and doctors can only do so much. You can only expect so much from the human body. After the transfer, the prayer, the wait, and the HPT's the realization is that it's all out of our hands, and even if everyone did their parts to the letter...and it still didn't work..it was meant to be and the next step needs to be taken. Dwelling on the negative aspects won't help...there will be pressure enough the next go round.

    I'm not saying don't ask the RE or the clinic what might be reassessed for the next transfer or perhaps a medication change needs to be made but remember that when all is said and done, pregnancy is not guaranteed...for anyone....but a failed transfer doesn't mean that the next one won't work.

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Las Vegas: A Family Vacation? YES!

    Because it's Sunday again I feel like I can share a bit about my recent trip to Las Vegas and the Hoover Dam with my husband of 23 years, Joe, and our 12 year old daughter, Erika. Bring a 12 year old to Vegas you ask?! YES! There is so much for families to do in Las Vegas that even Erika stated, on day 2, that there was more to see then Disney World and I have to agree.

    In a nutshell our 3 nights and 4 days went like this: We arrived Tuesday around noon and we bought round trip shuttle service at the airport to the Luxor Las Vegas - Luxor ...that way we didn't have to worry about the ride back on Friday. We made it to the Luxor and our spa suite was ready...on the 19th floor we had a great room with a whirlpool tub and a smaller room off the bed room that Erika promptly claimed. It had a fridge, TV, Sofa and a couple of tables. The entire room (and hotel) is Egypt themed  which was right up Erika's alley. From there we walked to a couple of hotels and finally ate at one of Wolfgang Puck's places for lunch..in the MGM I think...then we went down to this 1/2 price tickets tonight place and bought some 4 PM magic show tickets for the Tropicana. Xtreme Magic Dirk Arthur Las Vegas The show was good...and we had great seats...it featured tigers and other big and rare cats so we all really liked that...we went back to the hotel where Joe and Erika spent some time at the pool...I rested (well it IS my vacation too!)..and then bought some dinner for in the room at the food court. (Quiznos) Erika stayed in the room and watched TV while Joe and I played some slots...No I didn't win...but Joe entered into a couple of poker tournaments throughout our trip and came in 2nd in one and 1st in another so he was happy!

    Day 2 Wednesday morning I sent Joe and Erika down the strip to Denny's for breakfast while I waited in line to get tickets for Mamma Mia, Hoover Dam and the Titanic artifacts exhibit at the Tropicana. Its a long wait at times but you can get great deals at this 1/2 price tickets place. The doors open at 11 am but the line has already started to form outside. All the left over tickets go on sale for that same day. For example the Mamma Mia tickets were just $55 each when we would have had to pay $110 each...and we had great seats! Anyway...after I bought all the tickets I met up with J and E and we walked through some of the larger hotels together including the Bellagio where they have this beautiful conservatory Bellagio Conservatory and Botanical Garden - Las Vegas with spring flowers blooming and butterflies etc. It was really nice. (and did I mention, FREE) We went back to the hotel as it was mid-afternoon and we had reservations for dinner in the Mandalay Bay at 5:30 and then the Mamma Mia show at 7:30pm. We loved it! Mamma Mia Las Vegas We had a call from our neighbors while in the show who happened to be in town for a wedding and so we made plans to talk to them when we returned from the Hoover Dam VIP Tour on the next day. We put Erika to bed and Joe played some poker and I did poorly on the slots but made my money last....still its fun with all the glitz and glamour!

    Day 3 Thursday we woke up early because I had a phone call from some NYC reporter...SCF still is listed out there so I get these calls once in a while...anyway..it helped us get a move on because we had to be at our meeting place at 8 am for the Hoover Dam VIP Tour. We were on time and really it was a great thing for Erika to see...Bureau of Reclamation: Lower Colorado Region - Hoover Dam Very educational and interesting. We also stopped at a small museum and had lunch (included) and went to Ethel M's chocolate factory tour...with free samples and a cactus garden...always a good thing..we bought some ice cream there too....needless to say it was a great way to spend a day in Vegas...plus you have the chance to see how the people really lived there...and how much things cost etc. When we returned back to the hotel we made plans for our Seattle neighbors to pick us all up and bring us to their time share. Erika babysat their little 3 year old while the 4 adults went out to the Hard Rock Casino for dinner....we all had the $10 special of prime rib dinner at the Lucky 7's which was just OK and then we went back and Erika went out with our neighbors while Joe and I gambled at the Luxor. (Boy, it sounds like we did a lot of gambling!! LOL) Erika came back around 12:30 AM after showing the 3 J's the conservatory at the Belligio and having dessert out ($9.00 Cheese Cake anyone?!?!) Anyway...Erika made money on HER vacation! LOL

    Day 4 Friday and the final day our huge breakfast at the hotel was comp'ed which was nice and we didn't have to check out until noon...so around that time we dropped our luggage off with the Bell service and went over to the Tropicana to see the Titanic exhibit. It was really cool and I highly recommend it! They give you a card with the name and some background of a passenger and at the end of the tour you see if your person survived or not...we all did...They even had a huge "ice burg" to touch...lots of artifacts...very educational.Titanic Image Gallery  Erika liked it...and then we headed back to our hotel to get ready to meet the shuttle. I had some free casino money I needed to use up so Joe took Erika to buy some final souvenirs and I played about 1/2 hour of Roulette...and won...which is nice to walk away from there with SOME money back in your pocket. Then it was back to the airport and an uneventful flight back to Seattle! (rude awakening!!)

    That's the trip!!...I am sure I left out some things...the weather was GREAT the entire time we were there...the smoking was pretty heavy...one of the things I hate about casinos...and Erika was miffed that she couldn't "push a button" or watch people playing slots because she was under 21. If you are thinking of a family vacation a few days in Vegas maybe your best bet...I don't recommend it for the very young...maybe 8 and up for some of the cool shows...Blue Man Group is there and there are plenty of magic and variety shows...not to mention secret gardens and food galore!

Happy Sunday!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

June 21st: Quote of the day

Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts.

— Charles Dickens

Umbilical Cord Blood: Donate, Bank, or Toss

    Listed below are some links to various umbilical cord blood sites and educational information. I personally didn't have this choice when my own children were born in 1986 and 1996 however, in 2000, my IP's decided to bank the cord blood of their newborn twins...and in 2005, my 2nd couple decided NOT to bank the blood of their newborns...so you can see, it is a very personal decision that needs to be made individually. I read on one of these sites that the odds are that the average baby will ever use his or her own banked cord blood is considered very low. The primary reason that parents consider banking their newborn's cord blood is because they have a child or close relative with a family medical history of diseases that can be treated with bone marrow transplants. On the other hand public cord blood banking is strongly supported. Its up to you to research the facts well before the birth. It's a procedure you have to choose and plan for beforehand as it is not routine in hospitals or home births.

Cord Blood Stem Cell Banking - FAQs About Cord Blood, Stem Cells, and Cord Blood Banking 

Parent's Guide to Cord Blood Banks 

Cord Blood Donation: Frequently Asked Questions 

Cord Blood Banking, Umbilical Cord Bank, Baby Cord Blood, Research - Viacord 

National Cord Blood Program 

Banking Your Newborn's Cord Blood 

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net 

....And I am Going to Pay for This How?? Financing Links

  The burning question on every Intended Parents mind is how am I going to get money to start/build my family? It all costs money...and really there is no way around it. Even if you had a surrogate that would be "compassionate" (which means NO compensation at all) still there are the clinic bills, the attorney to pay, the IVF, including egg retrieval, and lets not forget the medications. There are incidentals that will come up no matter how hard you try to keep the costs down. Infertility Answers, LLC - Insurance and Costs This link will give you some idea of what you are in for as far as the finances are concerned. I have compiled a few links, below, from the Internet that may assist you however 'creative financing' is often the way most afford their treatments/surrogacy/egg donation. Some put a 2nd mortgage on their home, ask parents for help, and give up luxuries for a while. The first step is to be aware and then be prepared! Good Luck....

Advanced Reproductive Care Inc.

Fertile Hope: Additional Programs

Infertility Financial Assistance at Health & Wellness

In Vitro Fertilization - Financing for Treatments and Medications, Services through Conception, Pergnancy & Birth

Fertility Neighborhood : Financing Infertility Treatments

IHR.com - Lower IVF cost, IVF refund programs, IVF financing, infertility insurance, fertility insurance, IVF loans

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

On Vacation!!

Just a quick note to say that I am in Florida with my wonderful traveling companion, daughter Erika, from the 19th until the 30th of June! I have preloaded some of my past posts for your information and entertainment! Please do comment and I will post those when I return! 

Take care!

Sharon

Note: this photo was taken in March in Mexico...

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Selective Reduction: Are you sure?

    You know, I had never heard of selective reduction until my Intended Parents and I started talking about contract issues. I did understand the basic facts of carrying more then twins. That it would be difficult on me as the surrogate mother and on the parents who would be raising them and lastly, on the babies themselves...potential health issues that could make life a challenge for one or all. But the choices: How many embryos to transfer, how many to carry....and the reduction medical procedure, IF needed...how is that done and when in the pregnancy and what happens to the ones (embryos) who are left behind? I really wasn't thinking....

    My first surrogacy pregnancy started out as a 3 embryo transfer and the first ultrasound showed 3 sacs....2 had heartbeats and 1 was smaller. The Dr was unsure if it was a viable developing fetus . What did that mean? It meant that we needed to have another ultrasound a week later and I had the pleasure of the first SERIOUS selective reduction "talk". (The one I should have taken seriously before the contract was signed!) When my IP's and I left the Dr's office and finally all the possibilities sank into our brains, we revisited what we had agreed on in our contract. At that time I actually had said "Sure, I'm fine with selective reduction." and signed the agreement. Never did I think that we would actually be faced with that decision. My IP's did NOT want triplets. My IM would have reduced down to a singleton if she had the chance. Truly they were not mentally or emotionally prepared for a litter of babies. (And they made that very clear from the start to me and anyone else who would listen.) I knew that I would go through with it because I had agreed....however, I was scared and honestly, because I hadn't researched what exactly a selective reduction entailed, I was uneducated and uninformed. Thankfully, when I returned for my next ultrasound, the 2 sacs with the heartbeats were growing and strong and the 3rd one hadn't changed...no growth...no heartbeat...and a unlikely candidate for a third fetus.

    This taught me a valuable lesson that I passed along to others as I helped them through the matching and surrogate pregnancy process. It is essential that you are educated, informed and you are mentally and emotionally ready and willing to go through with any decision stated in the contract before you agree verbally and with your signature. Research anything that you don't quite understand....question your attorney, ask your partner what they think, talk with your RE and make sure you are 'ok' with every aspect...all the possibilities. Just be prepared......because you never know what might happen.

    If you are interested in learning about Selective Reduction you can click here:

Infertility Answers, LLC - What is Selective Reduction?

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

June 18th Quote

  If you cannot find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?

— Dogen

The Need for Donors - for bone marrow or cord blood transplants

 

    My brush with the MNDP Registry:

    I am registered on the International Bone Marrow Donor List. I'm sure you are shocked. I mean...someone who's been a Gestational Carrier wouldn't also want to give her bone marrow, would she? Honestly, I was on the bone marrow donor list looonnnnggggg before I was ever a surrogate or even entertained the thought of surrogacy. I actually started giving blood at age 18 because 'they' said that my A- blood type was needed...and I have been giving it on and off since then.

    Back to my bone marrow...some poor kid in my old home town of Rochester, New York needed a bone marrow transplant at some point in the 90's and were having a donor drive where you could be tested to see if you were a match. So I decided to go for it and see if I could be of any help. If you were not a match, you had the option to be included in the International Registry and I said sure....needless to say, finding a bone marrow donor match seems like hunting for a needle in a haystack and I was NOT a match....

    HOWEVER, fast forward to December 2004. I am about 33 weeks pregnant with twins for my couple. Huge, uncomfortable but quite healthy. BP ok, weight ok, borderline gestational diabetes but, hey, what do you want? And I get THE CALL! Apparently the initial search through the donor bank pinged on yours truly. I was floored. Seriously. YEARS and YEARS had gone by...maybe a decade even, before this call and now I am soooo pregnant and am saying things like 'can she hang on for a few more weeks?' The woman on the other end of the phone, you see, painted the story for a 9 year old girl looking for a donor...in India or somewhere...and then there was me...in Florida. Erika was about to turn 9 and so my heart went out to those parents...parents somewhere trying desperately to save their child....and yet I was pregnant....for someone else...with twins!

  I was considered an initial match and because they only test for 6 HLA markers when you join the NMDP Registry, additional testing needed to be done in my case. By testing for a basic level of HLA (Human leukocyte antigens )markers, they keep tissue typing costs low — so that they can add as many donors as possible to the National Marrow Donor Program (NMDP) Registry. I decided that I would give my permission to go ahead and order any additional testing that would potentially allow me to donate for this little girl. I figured that if I was going to be a match I would deal with that issue when I was contacted the next time.

    As things turned out, I wasn't the best match for this 9 year old girl. Figuring that I wouldn't be able to donate ASAP due to the pregnancy and with the health needs of the potential recipient, the NMDP had to find someone else. (which was a little sad for me, however, ONE thing at a TIME PLEASE!) Because I had the additional testing done I am now in another category and am probably one of the potential donors that are looked at first for a match. Some day I do hope to be able to save a life in this very special way.

     The reason I've decided to share this story with you is two fold. I think that it's an interesting experience to be put in the middle of bringing a life or two into this world as a surrogate and being asked to save the life of someone who is already living. Secondly, I encourage all who qualify to be a part of the National Marrow Donor Program (NMDP) Registry. You could be the one that is a perfect match for another. YOU can make a difference!

The Need for Donors - for bone marrow or cord blood transplants 

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net 

Blogging--It's Good for You

Because I feel that it's 'my job' through this blog and even through the Infertility Answers web site, to bring you news that will help YOU live a healthier, stress-free life style, I thought I would share some good news.....news that doesn't come in the form of a shot or a pill or even that 'thank god it's 5 o'clock, pour me a drink pleaze!' and then leave a tip.  Nope....none of that...just a simple blog....on one of the many sites out there (as you can see, I use Typepad.com) and start letting off steam. Burning off stress by simply writing about your day. Your week. Your month...and have others support you in whatever your interests are or what your concerns might be. Below is proof that blogging is GOOD for you!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Blogging--It's Good for You

The therapeutic value of blogging becomes a focus of study

By Jessica Wapner

    Self-medication may be the reason the blogosphere has taken off. Scientists (and writers) have long known about the therapeutic benefits of writing about personal experiences, thoughts and feelings. But besides serving as a stress-coping mechanism, expressive writing produces many physiological benefits. Research shows that it improves memory and sleep, boosts immune cell activity and reduces viral load in AIDS patients, and even speeds healing after surgery. A study in the February issue of the Oncologist reports that cancer patients who engaged in expressive writing just before treatment felt markedly better, mentally and physically, as compared with patients who did not.

    Scientists now hope to explore the neurological underpinnings at play, especially considering the explosion of blogs. According to Alice Flaherty, a neuroscientist at Harvard University and Massachusetts General Hospital, the placebo theory of suffering is one window through which to view blogging. As social creatures, humans have a range of pain-related behaviors, such as complaining, which acts as a “placebo for getting satisfied,” Flaherty says. Blogging about stressful experiences might work similarly.

    Flaherty, who studies conditions such as hypergraphia (an uncontrollable urge to write) and writer’s block, also looks to disease models to explain the drive behind this mode of communication. For example, people with mania often talk too much. “We believe something in the brain’s limbic system is boosting their desire to communicate,” Flaherty explains. Located mainly in the midbrain, the limbic system controls our drives, whether they are related to food, sex, appetite, or problem solving. “You know that drives are involved [in blogging] because a lot of people do it compulsively,” Flaherty notes. Also, blogging might trigger dopamine release, similar to stimulants like music, running and looking at art.

    The frontal and temporal lobes, which govern speech—no dedicated writing center is hardwired in the brain—may also figure in. For example, lesions in Wernicke’s area, located in the left temporal lobe, result in excessive speech and loss of language comprehension. People with Wernicke’s aphasia speak in gibberish and often write constantly. In light of these traits, Flaherty speculates that some activity in this area could foster the urge to blog.

    Scientists’ understanding about the neurobiology underlying therapeutic writing must remain speculative for now. Attempts to image the brain before and after writing have yielded minimal information because the active regions are located so deep inside. Recent functional magnetic resonance imaging studies have shown that the brain lights up differently before, during and after writing, notes James Pennebaker, a psychologist at the University of Texas at Austin. But Pennebaker and others remain skeptical about the value of such images because they are hard to duplicate and quantify.

    Most likely, writing activates a cluster of neurological pathways, and several researchers are committed to uncovering them. At the University of Arizona, psychologist and neuroscientist Richard Lane hopes to make brain-imaging techniques more relevant by using those techniques to study the neuroanatomy of emotions and their expressions. Nancy Morgan, lead author of the Oncologist study, is looking to conduct larger community-based and clinical trials of expressive writing. And Pennebaker is continuing to investigate the link between expressive writing and biological changes, such as improved sleep, that are integral to health. “I think the sleep angle is one of the more promising ones,” he says.

    Whatever the underlying causes may be, people coping with cancer diagnoses and other serious conditions are increasingly seeking—and finding—solace in the blogosphere. “Blogging undoubtedly affords similar benefits” to expressive writing, says Morgan, who wants to incorporate writing programs into supportive care for cancer patients.

    Some hospitals have started hosting patient-authored blogs on their Web sites as clinicians begin to recognize the therapeutic value. Unlike a bedside journal, blogging offers the added benefit of receptive readers in similar situations, Morgan explains: “Individuals are connecting to one another and witnessing each other’s expressions—the basis for forming a community.”

June 16th Quote- Picture: Grand Tetons 2007

You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving.  — Anonymous

What are the Gas Prices Like in YOUR Area?

Local Gas Prices

Just type in your zip code and from the lowest to the highest gas prices show up for your area.

This has been a (Surrogacy 101) community service announcement!

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Up Close and Personal: Blogging About Infertility

I have been blogging for a short time (compared to most) and it started out as an extension of Infertility Answers, Inc. But honestly it has turned into more then that....an exploration of myself and my impact on the surrogacy world, either as a gestational carrier, my role in supporting other surrogates and intended parents as an agency owner and friend, or my own struggle with secondary infertility and parenting issues. I wholly agree that blogging is a great way to express yourself even if you want to be anonymous.

 

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Up close and personal: Blogging about infertility

10:34 AM, April 15, 2008

 

"Infertility, once referred to as the 'silent disorder,' has found a voice," says Washington, D.C.-based writer Cheryl Miller in a fascinating essay titled "Blogging Infertility" in the latest edition of The New Atlantis.

Blogging, says Miller, has provided a powerful outlet for the infertile, providing unlimited support and information. For the public, she says, the multitude of infertility blogs offers a unique perspective on the condition but in a way that is sometimes so personal it borders on voyeurism.

"The openness and transparency encouraged by the Internet pose new challenges, particularly for something as intimate as human reproduction. Allowing the world to read about -- and comment on -- your political opinions is one thing. Allowing the world a front-row seat to witness your struggles to conceive is another."

Miller describes popular blogs such as Stirrup Queens, Coming2Terms and one of the few blogs written by a man, Maybe Baby. Maybe Baby is the story of Chicago writer Matthew M.F. Miller (no relation to Cheryl Miller) who, on Friday, announced that his wife, Constance, took her 10th negative pregnancy test in the last two years. On Monday, Miller blogged:

"Pregnancy isn't simple science, not for me and not for us, and no amount of science will ever change my mind about that."

He's writing a book, apparently the first male memoir on infertility, due out later this year.

-- Shari Roan

Photo: Frozen eggs in the USC Fertility laboratory, Bryan Chan / Los Angeles Times

Photo: Courtesy of Maybe Baby

 

 

 

"Infertility, once referred to as the 'silent disorder,' has found a voice," says Washington, D.C.-based writer Cheryl Miller in a fascinating essay titled "Blogging Infertility" in the latest edition of The New Atlantis.

Blogging, says Miller, has provided a powerful outlet for the infertile, providing unlimited support and information. For the public, she says, the multitude of infertility blogs offers a unique perspective on the condition but in a way that is sometimes so personal it borders on voyeurism.

"The openness and transparency encouraged by the Internet pose new challenges, particularly for something as intimate as human reproduction. Allowing the world to read about -- and comment on -- your political opinions is one thing. Allowing the world a front-row seat to witness your struggles to conceive is another."

Miller describes popular blogs such as Stirrup Queens, Coming2Terms and one of the few blogs written by a man, Maybe Baby. Maybe Baby is the story of Chicago writer Matthew M.F. Miller (no relation to Cheryl Miller) who, on Friday, announced that his wife, Constance, took her 10th negative pregnancy test in the last two years. On Monday, Miller blogged:

"Pregnancy isn't simple science, not for me and not for us, and no amount of science will ever change my mind about that."

He's writing a book, apparently the first male memoir on infertility, due out later this year.

-- Shari Roan

Photo: Frozen eggs in the USC Fertility laboratory, Bryan Chan / Los Angeles Times

Photo: Courtesy of Maybe Baby

 

 

A baby girl born using frozen sperm from father killed by cancer FOUR years ago

A news article from March was so interesting to me that I thought I would post it on Father's Day and share it with you! Frozen sperm does work! 

Happy Father's Day!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

The baby girl born using frozen sperm from father killed by cancer FOUR years ago

By LUKE SALKELD
Last updated at 08:16 20 March 2008

Her father couldn't be there when she was born. And he won't be able to watch her grow up.

But Jaimie-Rose Roberts, born four years after his death, will still be a Daddy's girl.

James Roberts, who died from cancer at 33, had always dreamed of adding to his family.

As he battled his illness, he and his wife Lisa, who already had a son together, decided to have his sperm frozen to ensure they could have more children after his treatment.

Scroll down for more...

Joy: Lisa Roberts proudly hugs Jaimie-Rose, conceived through her dead husband's frozen sperm

Last week, Mrs Roberts fulfilled their dream on her own after a course of IVF treatment that doctors had warned had only a 20 per cent chance of working.

"She's amazing," she said as she held her week-old daughter in her arms.

"I hope James is looking down on us with a smile on his face.

"I wish he was here to see her because I know he would be so happy.

"She's just beautiful.

"I can't believe that something so lovely can come from something so tragic."

The couple's son, Cameron, is now seven.

He is delighted to be a big brother and suggested his little sister's name as a tribute to their father.

Lisa and James Roberts had been married for six years when he was diagnosed with a cancerous leg tumour.

They were warned that treatment would leave him infertile so he had his sperm frozen for future use and signed over ownership to his wife.

"He was really pleased about the medical technology to store his sperm for us to have more babies in the future," Mrs Roberts said.

Scroll down for more...

Together: Lisa and husband James Roberts

"James always wanted a family - he always wanted children, he loved children.

"We had been trying for three years before Cameron. He was so excited when he was born.

"He was a great dad and a great husband."

Sadly, Mr Roberts's tumour spread despite the chemotherapy treatment and he died in hospital with his wife by his side in October 2004.

Mrs Roberts concentrated on bringing up their son at the family home in Chepstow, Gwent, and waited more than two years until she felt strong enough to go through with the IVF treatment.

"I suddenly felt it was the right time," she explained.

"I used our savings of more than £4,000 to cover the cost because I couldn't think of anything in the world better to spend it on - I know James would have approved."

Doctors told her that only one of the ten resulting embryos was viable, dramatically cutting her chance of becoming pregnant.

"They told me not to hold out much hope, saying there was just a 20 per cent of me getting pregnant.

'But it was amazing. It worked straight away - something inside me knew it always would. I had a feeling it would be fine.

"I took lots of pregnancy tests which were all positive before I could believe I was having James's child. Cameron came to the scans with me - taking the role James had when I was expecting him. We read all the baby books together."

Jaimie-Rose was born a week ago by caesarean section weighing in a healthy 6lb15oz and is back at home with her mother and brother.

"It was Cameron who suggested calling her Jaimie after their daddy. He was adamant about it,' Mrs Roberts said.

"He's been fantastic and so supportive. He is so proud of his little sister - knowing that she is also from his daddy."

Mrs Roberts is not the first widow to become pregnant using her late husband's frozen sperm. Because her husband gave his permission, however, she avoided the legal anguish of the Diane Blood case.

Mrs Blood's husband Stephen was unable to give his consent for the procedure before he died of meningitis in 1995. She eventually won a lengthy legal battle and has since had two sons.

IVF Virgins

    I bet that title captured your attention! But we all have to start somewhere...whether it's for a surrogacy or dealing with an infertility issue where IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) may be the solution. First I need to clarify what I'm talking about. IVF is a process that includes many steps. A couple of the 'invasive' aspects are the egg retrieval and the embryo transfer.  If you are a surrogate or using frozen embryos, you only have to deal with the embryo transfer part...lucky you! Not wanting to leave the men out, there is the semen collection HOWEVER that normally doesn't require a doctor's help. Or shots...or anesthesia...or bed rest...well...maybe....

     So it's your first time going through an embryo transfer and you have read everything you can and hopefully talked with a few people who have actually gone through the process. I have had 3 embryo transfers. The first one 'failed' and numbers 2 and 3 both were doubly successful. I really believe the first one failed because I was a nervous wreck! The stress...no one to talk with and not a whole lot of information to be found on the Internet. (Remember this was 1998-1999) Plus the doctors were switched a few minutes before my first transfer. Not only was I nervous but I ended up with a doctor that I hadn't even met seeing me at my most vulnerable. ( not to mention my Intended Parents being in the room with me during my transfer! )

    Let me give you the nickel tour of an embryo transfer...this information is found on www.InfertilityAnswers.net under Surrogacy.

Embryo transfers simply deliver the embryos into the uterus. There is no need for sedation or anesthesia. It may not feel any different from an annual Pap smear.

A speculum is placed into the vagina. The embryos (usually no more then 3) are placed in a catheter along with a small amount of fluid, and then the tiny plastic tube is introduced into the uterus through the cervix and the embryo(s) are transferred into the endometrial cavity.

After the procedure, the patient will need to rest in bed for one hour, with her head down slightly and feet up. After going home, she will need to rest in bed for the rest of the day. On the next day she can resume non-strenuous activity. Please note that each clinic has their own protocol and will advise the patient to follow their specified directions.

    There you have it. Sounds simple enough...and it really is anti-climatic! Seriously. After the all the drama and build up to the embryo transfer, the actual procedure, which takes place at the clinic, is over in five minutes and you are on your way to the two week wait (more commonly seen as the 2ww) All the testing, ultra sounds, shots, pills and suppositories..all the poking and prodding and instructions to remember, the embryo transfer is by far the easiest thing to go through. It sure as heck easier then a pregnancy or labor or delivery! I think the actual 2ww is more of a psychological and emotional killer then anything else.

    Being comfortable is KEY! Asking all the questions you have, no matter how insignificant they may seem, is so important. Having the people who support you the most with you is vital. Knowing what to expect is priceless! (Sorry to sound like a MasterCard commercial but it is true!) 

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Facing Life Without Children When It isn't by Choice

When talking and sharing experiences regarding Infertility, no two stories are the same. I have actually visited the blog written by the woman in this article, Pam, and I wanted to share her story with you. The link to her blog is in the article if you would like to reach out to her personally.

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net 

Facing Life Without Children When It isn't by Choice

Peter DaSilva for The New York Times

MOVING ON Pamela Tsigdinos tried for 11 years to get pregnant.

By KAREN BARROW

Published: June 10, 2008

When Pamela Mahoney and Alex Tsigdinos were married, they never thought they would have trouble having a baby. But after 11 years and many fertility treatments, they are still only a family of two.

Frustrated and exhausted by expensive, drawn-out procedures that never worked, the couple have finally given up. Now the challenge is learning how to accept a life without children.

Ten percent of all couples have trouble conceiving, sometimes because of a physical problem and sometimes for unexplained reasons. But as reproductive technologies have advanced, many couples are being given help and hope.

For the Tsigdinoses, of Los Gatos, Calif., doctors were optimistic at every step. At 29, after two years of trying to become pregnant, Mrs. Tsigdinos learned she had small lesions on her uterus — a sign of early endometriosis, a condition marked by uncontrolled tissue growth in the uterus. The lesions were surgically removed, and doctors sent her home with every expectation that she would have no further trouble conceiving.

Time passed, and still no baby. Mr. Tsigdinos was tested, and the couple discovered that he suffered from varicocele, a blockage in blood flow to the scrotum that lowered his sperm count. Surgery corrected the problem. But two more years passed, and still nothing.

Over the next several years, the couple tried two cycles of in vitro fertilization and two rounds of artificial insemination, not to mention some nontraditional approaches, including acupuncture, herbal supplements and chiropractic treatment.

Time was becoming a demon: for women under 35, the pregnancy rate after I.V.F. is about 43 percent, but it drops to 4 percent for women over 42. Years of medical appointments, doctors’ bills and unattained dreams were taking their toll, too, straining the couple’s savings, their patience and their marriage.

Finally, Mrs. Tsigdinos recalled recently, they had had enough. “I turned 39, looked in the mirror and said, ‘How much longer can we do this?’ ” she said.

Two years ago, Mr. and Mrs. Tsigdinos made the difficult decision to end it: to stop the invasive procedures, to stop daily charting her basal body temperature to help determine when she was about to ovulate, to stop researching every new treatment — and to stop dreaming of having children.

Mrs. Tsigdinos knows what you’re thinking: What about adoption? But while the couple considered it, it did not seem right for them.

“It’s not a binary — you either have a child or adopt. It’s not that simple,” she said, recalling the struggles of friends who pursued adoptions.

It is unclear how many women are involuntarily childless. The stigma attached to infertility and living without children pressures many women to remain silent about their struggles, Mrs. Tsigdinos said, adding, “It’s not something you want to drop into conversation at a cocktail party.”

Almost two years later, Mrs. Tsigdinos, now 45, still tears up when she talks about it. “It’s not a linear process,” she said. “You accept that you’re going to do your best to move on, but there are those days when things just become overwhelming.”

Experts recommend that women wrestling with the decision to stop fertility treatments look at their loss as they would any other.

“The person has to go through a process of mourning for what this was going to be in their life and who they were going to be in this life,” said Mardy S. Ireland, a psychoanalyst from Berkeley, Calif., who specializes in childlessness.

Infertility treatment can be so all-consuming that many women keep trying long after the odds become prohibitive. Those who can accept the possibility that no treatment in the world will allow them to become pregnant may face the best chance of learning to accept a childless life.

“The ones with the most difficulty living with their reality are those who don’t make a decision,” Dr. Ireland said. Those who don’t, she added, will wake up one day to feel the choice to stop was taken away from them.

Still, women like Mrs. Tsigdinos often find themselves in tears at the sight of a new mother pushing a stroller, fighting anger toward friends who innocently invite them to baby showers, and arguing with their own parents, who have not accepted that they will never be grandparents.

Susan B. Slotnick, a board member of Resolve, a nonprofit infertility association, understands that pain. Eleven years ago, she too made the decision to stop fertility treatments and accept a childless life. “The pain never really goes away,” she said. “But like a chronic back pain, you learn to deal with it.”

That dull ache unites women at all stages of their quest for children, and a growing online community helps them cope with the many facets of infertility. Mrs. Tsigdinos, a marketer for a venture capital company, began her own blog about the flip side of successful treatment, at www.Coming2Terms.com, when she could not find resources to help her cope with the decision to stop infertility treatments.

After her years of focusing on becoming pregnant, Mrs. Tsigdinos’s passion is now connecting with other women in her situation. She writes about the everyday things that remind her of her childlessness, but also of what she had to deal with along the way: how to know when to stop treatment, how to deal with prying friends and relatives, how to accept a life without the expected routine of children’s books, recitals and graduation ceremonies. The women and the few men who comment on her blog may not always agree with her choices, but they all sympathize and help her feel less alone.

Infertility might have been the underlying current of Mrs. Tsigdinos’s life. But she is adamant that it has not blinded her to what she does have.

“I have to say I am one of the luckiest women on the planet because, if nothing else, I have the most patient husband,” she said. “Because it’s just the two of us, we spend a lot of time making sure each other is happy.”

June 13th Quote: Picture-From Busch Gardens VA 2007

Forgo your anger for a moment and save yourself a hundred days of trouble.

— Chinese proverb

War-bound soldiers are banking their sperm in CNY

It seems that we are always looking at what the female is doing in regards to protecting her fertility...the Intended Mother...the 'woman' factor. So to change things up, read below! 56 men....soldiers in fact, may not be many, but this is just one sperm bank. Interesting idea who's time has come? Comments please!

War-bound soldiers are banking their sperm in CNY

By Dave Tobin

Staff writer

Before male soldiers head to war zones, some are taking an extra precaution: They freeze their sperm.

Staff Sgt. Clifton Brown, of the 10th Mountain Division at Fort Drum, served in Iraq in 2003-2004 and left in April for Kuwait. Before leaving for Kuwait, he went to CNY Fertility Center in Syracuse and banked his sperm.

He would have done it before going to Iraq, if he had known what he knows now, he said in an email from Kuwait.

Brown is one of at least 56 soldiers who have banked sperm at the CNY Fertility Center since 2005, said Dr. Robert Kiltz, who runs the center. They are motivated by a range of concerns: the risks of dying, losing fertility or encountering toxins that could alter their DNA. Others have pre-existing fertility issues or don't want to delay plans for a family.

Read the rest of the story here: War-bound soldiers are banking their sperm

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Second IVF baby for couple using 19 year-old sperm comments

    I wanted to share this comment as a post because I feel that it's important for Intended Parents to be heard. IVF and, let's be honest, Assisted Reproductive Technology in general, is EXPENSIVE! Do the math...wait...it was already done for you, below!

    All comments are welcome!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Hi Sharon,

The headlines catch my attention - I am selective about which ones to read, but this one about the 19 year frozen sperm was one I had to check out.  I'm glad that worked over in London, where the government gives aid for IVF treatments. Sadly I don't think too many people could afford a total of 16 rounds of IVF in the U.S (12 for the first child and 4 for the second child)- not with the average price being about $20,000 for each (16 would be approx. $320,000).

I was also happy to read that the nurses over there have concern for the patient and actually advise - in the case of the husband being told before his chemo to freeze his sperm.  I complained for years to my gyn that I had bad uterine pain and she kept insisting it was irritable bowel syndrome. When I asked for exploratory laproscopy, she said it was a risky procedure. I got a second opinion, also without any advice to have surgery or even a suggestion that I had endometriosis. Not till I started to worry that 2 years of trying didn't produce a child and went to a fertility specialist did I have the needed lap. surgery - by then it was too late with the endo and I was too old to achieve a pregnancy on my own.   

Lastly, the other day after running through a list in my mind of the celebrities who received help through IVF and surrogacy, I recalled that Joan Lunden had two sets of twins through surrogacy.  I distinctly recall that in one magazine article that she stated surrogacy is a wonderful option for people when other methods have failed. I always respected her journalism experience, but she is so naive to think that many people can afford that route.  She really should start some type of fund to aid women who don't even have one child and have limited resources.  At one time, I attended a Resolve group support meeting and one young lady was lamenting that she ran out of financial resources.  Just think, Joan Lunden might only have to make one appearance somewhere or work for 3 months and earn enough money to fund 20 IVF's for individuals deserving a chance.

By the way, I also have to think about how our doctor's office here in Orlando wanted to freeze our sperm (only to comply with the FDA requirements on timing of the HIV test) even while they knew that this was our last attempt and that the freezing and thawing process (as mentioned in your article) can damage the sperm.  We stood firm on this one and went out of our way to ensure they didn't freeze!  Remember the doctor's gatekeeper coordinator standing in our way?  We practically had to beg to talk to the doctor!

Anyway, just my thoughts.

J. (Intended Mother)

Second IVF baby for couple using 19 year-old sperm

What great news for those who have frozen sperm out there! I am thinking that my job is to pass along the hope!! And today I believe that this article will give someone just that, HOPE! Sharon www.InfertilityAnswers.net Second IVF baby for couple using 19 year-old sperm

Rebecca Robey Progress Educational Trust 14 April 2008 [BioNews, London] A couple from Stockport, Greater Manchester, have conceived a second baby using sperm frozen 19 years ago. Emmanuel and Zoe Iyoha are expecting their second child after receiving IVF treatment using sperm preserved on Mr Iyoha's behalf in 1989. Mr Iyoha was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma and a tumour on his spleen when he was 27 years old. Staff at the Christie Hospital in Manchester warned him that the chemotherapy would leave him infertile and encouraged him to have his sperm frozen so that he would have the option of having children after he recovered. Mr Iyoha expressed his gratitude, saying: 'it was the Christie nurses who persuaded me it was something that I should do and I will be forever grateful to them for this miracle. They must have seen within me the father-in-waiting. At the time, I was far more preoccupied with the cancer'. Mr Iyoha, a computer expert for the NHS, has had a long battle with his cancer, but is now in remission after suffering a relapse in 1995. He married Zoe, a teacher, in 2002 and the newly-wed couple were only able to consider having children together thanks to the sperm stored at St Mary's Hospital in Manchester. 'We're certainly pretty unlikely to have an unplanned pregnancy after two bouts of chemotherapy' commented My Iyoha. Freezing sperm is the only chance many men who face chemotherapy at a young age have of preserving their fertility. Unfortunately, however, the technique does not always work, as the sperm may be left too damaged by the freezing and thawing process for IVF to be successful. It took Mr and Mrs Iyoha 12 rounds of IVF treatment including, sadly, one miscarriage before their first child, Poppy Rose, was born in 2006. Remarkably, they have conceived their second child, which is due in July, after just four rounds of IVF. Mr Iyoha said: 'every time I think about how long it has been since my sperm was frozen I am amazed at the power of science'. He added: 'we owe it all to science and the wonderful care and support of the staff at Christie's and St. Mary's'. In 2004, doctors at St Mary's hospital reported the birth of baby conceived using sperm that had been frozen for 21 years, believed to be the longest reported storage period for sperm successfully used for treatment.

British woman freezes eggs for daughter aged 10

Not that I am sick of hearing myself 'talk' but having a 12 year old daughter I can certainly relate to this mom.....but do I think it will work? Only time will tell!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

British woman freezes eggs for daughter aged 10

Katy Sinclair Progress Educational Trust 03 June 2008 [BioNews, London] A British woman has had some of her own eggs frozen for her ten-year old daughter to use in the future, as she will be rendered infertile by a genetic illness. As frozen eggs for donation can only be kept for 10 years, and the mother's eggs were frozen when the girl was only eight, her daughter will have to use the eggs before she reaches the age of 18. The girl has Turner syndrome, where one of the two X chromosomes carried by women is missing, and which almost always causes infertility, although women with the condition can conceive using donor eggs. The syndrome affects around 2,500 girls born each year. In 2005 her mother decided to freeze some eggs for her daughter, to give her the chance of having a baby genetically related to her. The case has caused some to call for a change in the law, as the girl is unlikely to be in a position to want to have children by 18, when the eggs will have to be either used or destroyed. The mother, who is campaigning for the law to be changed, said 'I don't want to put my daughter under pressure, and I don't think she should be having to make that choice at that age. We feel real sadness that, for no particularly justifiable reason, our daughter is going to be put in an impossible situation'. Proponents of a change in the law argue that the ten year rule is arbitrary, with Gillian Lockwood, medical director of Midland Fertility Services, arguing that it has 'no scientific justification at all'. The family's cause is being supported by their MP, Andrew Stunell, who has also raised the issue in the House of Commons. Mr Stunell is considering tabling an amendment to the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Bill, which is in the process of being debated in Parliament. He said, 'my constituent and her family are in a Catch-22. She faces a ten-year maximum storage period, by which time her daughter, who would be the beneficiary of the donation, would not be at an appropriate age or stage in her life'. The Department of Health has said that the storage rule could be changed without primary legislation, and is an issue that will be considered once the new Bill has been made law. Another solution would be for the girl to have the eggs fertilised with donated sperm, and to have those embryos frozen, which could then be stored for a further 10 years.

Is There A Difference?

  Here is a question that I find easy to answer...because there IS a difference...between having a child for yourself and having a baby for another couple, one that is not biologically related to you. A baby that is not expected to inherit your genetics. A little life that won't have your eyes or your husbands toes or share a siblings crooked grin. It is TOTALLY DIFFERENT. And the pressure! If you have never gone through IVF to have your own kids it sure is a whole new world to do it for someone else. For an infertile couple (or a gay couple for that matter as in one of my cases) you are signing up for test upon test just to qualify and then medications including pills and shots that you never knew were "naturally" in your system in the first place...probably because you never had to shoot yourself up with any of it before...Progesterone, Estrogen, Lupron, maybe add a few side dishes....like Viagra (which is considered  more affective then baby aspirin by assisting with blood flow to the uterus and lining thickness by some RE's). The point is: who signs up for all that PLUS the Pregnancy and Labor and Delivery?   A woman who knows there is a difference, that's who! A woman who is willing to take the risk and go through IVF hell for another who has tried everything to have a baby but for some reason that dream alluded her/them. A woman willing to take even better care of herself then she might have with her very own pregnancies because she knows so much was lost already and she refuses to add to that pain for the Intended Parents. The difference is that although each and every baby born is amazing, an IVF baby being carried by another woman is a miracle!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

And so it is....another celeb made Parent though Surrogacy....

...although he already was a father, Art Garfunkel welcomed another son into his home, this time through the gift of Surrogacy....

Happy Sunday!

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Art Garfunkel a Father Again at 64

Posted by Smollett
May 31, 2008
Art Garfunkel and his wife, Kim, are the proud parents of a baby boy named Beau who was born through a surrogate mother.

“He’s eight weeks,” Garfunkel told PEOPLE at his wife’s Monday night cabaret performance at Manhattan’s Makor Center Cafe.

This is the second child for the couple. Their son, James, was born in 1990, two years after the Garfunkels wed.

“It’s intoxicating” Garfunkel, 64, says of his role as dad. (Usually, he’s known as half of the legendary folk duo Simon & Garfunkel.) “You’re being pinched out of normal life. You are going to be chumped and made silly and startlingly ecstatic.”

But, he insists, “I’m doing pretty good. The baby’s pretty good. We have good help.”

As for any plans to resume work with Simon, he says: “I might tour with my old partner. I’m going to start a new album.”

Sunday June 8th Quote

Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God’s business.

— Michael J. Fox

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Time Management Truisms

Doodle by Lee. The code for this doodle and other doodles you can use on your blog can be found at Doodles.

Introducing Snap Shots from Snap.com

I just installed a nice little tool on this site called Snap Shots that enhances links with visual previews of the destination site, interactive excerpts of Wikipedia articles, MySpace profiles, IMDb profiles and Amazon products, display inline videos, RSS, MP3s, photos, stock charts and more.

Sometimes Snap Shots bring you the information you need, without your having to leave the site, while other times it lets you "look ahead," before deciding if you want to follow a link or not.

Should you decide this is not for you, just click the Options icon in the upper right corner of the Snap Shot and opt-out.

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

In the News: Baby born after rare ovarian pregnancy

I have never heard of such a thing....an ectopic pregnancy coming  to term with no symptoms or complications. So I thought I would share this with you and see what YOU think!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Baby born after rare ovarian pregnancy

Fri May 30, 5:06 PM EDT

SYDNEY, Australia — A woman in a northern Australian city gave birth to a healthy baby girl after a rare full-term ectopic pregnancy, a hospital official said Friday.

Meera Thangarajah, 34, had no symptoms or complications during her pregnancy, so doctors performing a routine Caesarean section Thursday were shocked to find that the baby had developed in the ovary rather than the uterus.

An ectopic pregnancy, which occurs when a fertilized egg develops outside of the uterus, usually miscarries or is terminated by doctors because of the threat it can cause to the mother.

Baby Durga weighed 6 pounds, 3 ounces, and both she and her mother are healthy, said Robyn Cahill, general manager of the Darwin Private Hospital.

"We're calling it a miracle," Cahill told The Associated Press.

The baby's father, Ravi Thangarajah, told Nine Network television that doctors had told him, "You're one of the luckiest men in the world at the moment."

But Cahill said the mother had no complications or symptoms of an ectopic pregnancy, and it did not show up on a scan halfway through the pregnancy. She said only 1 in 40,000 fertilizations implant in the ovary, and it is unheard of that one of those fetuses grow to full term, generally 37 weeks.

Durga was born at 38 weeks.

"It is extremely rare," said Mark Erian, a specialist in high-risk obstetrics at the University of Queensland. "I have never seen a case that progresses until fetal viability. She was absolutely lucky to have the pregnancy progress."

Copyright 2008 The Associated Press.

More on Hailey Kent and her battle with Leukemia

 

Photo by Dana Rene Bowler

Hailey Joy Kent was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia when she was about 3 months old. She underwent a stem cell transplant to help fight the disease; there is always the chance of a relapse.

I wanted to add more information for those of you following the Hailey Kent story I posted on May 30th. You can read about that May 30th post: Battle with Leukemia.

You can read the full news article here: Hailey Joy Kent

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

UPDATE: Couple abandons IVF 'wrong sex' babies

I wanted to post an update on the May 31st post regarding an Indian Couple abandoning their twin girls because of the sex of the babies. (you can read about it here.) Below is an excerpt and I am hoping that it's true!

"The Sun has since reported how the family of the twins has since explained the misunderstanding as owing to a lack of communication. The twins' half brother told the newspaper 'my father's English is not good and the person receiving it at the other end must have lost something in translation...The twins will be raised as their daughters. They will not be neglected'. The father of the twins confirmed the children will be looked after: 'they are my children - we love my children', he said. "

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Too much time to think....

     I know that I am often afflicted with this problem...even when I am incredibly, outwardly busy, I find myself with too much time to think. I even remember way back when (15 years ago or so) when I was trying to have our 2nd child and although I had a grandmother approaching the 100 year mark to take care of and an active son, my mind was turning and thinking about that one topic, conceiving....having baby #2....was this the month....how much WORK sex seemed to be when you HAVE TO DO IT just to have a baby. The joy was sucked out of life, seemingly, because of all that space between everyday activities and automated responses where you could fit in a thought about wanting to be pregnant. The FRUSTRATION and the disappointment and the hopelessness of it all..........and in the end the why bother and why do I care so much and all the questioning of what the hell is wrong with me?!?!

     ....and all this rehashing my past brings me to Intended Parents, Mothers in particular, that must be going through this right now. Whether they have been trying for their first or third, the same situation seems to apply...too much time to think....and so the days and weeks and months get crammed full of 'things to do' just to keep the mind off the one topic that just won't disappear because you see pregnant women everywhere and babies coming out of the woodwork and every place you turn there it is...crowding you...the thought of your own baby.

    I think that women who want to be surrogate mothers, gestational carriers, know deep down what it's like to crave a baby even if they have had no problems conceiving on their own. I believe that they are special women who can, if only for an instant, imagine what it would be like to live with a void. And because of their special ability to step into an Intended Parent's shoes, can offer herself to help, to care, to give IP's something else to think about, a new form of Hope.

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Co-Pay Babies and other Phrases

    I am one of the millions guilty of giving birth to a  Co-Pay baby...actually I had two! The real phrase-ology here is Co-Payment Cost Baby but I like mine shortened and sweet. If you haven't heard this before it basically means that the only money that your kid(s) cost you was the co-payment (from conception to birth) I had 2 of my own on this plan and let me tell you it IS cheaper and easier then IVF or any ART treatment. Duh! For my son and first born the only reason we shelled out any money at all was because 21 years ago 'they' considered circumcision to be a form of cosmetic surgery! (I am glad my son doesn't read this because I think I just told the world that he was circumcised!) 'They' are the Insurance Company. And 'we' paid the hospital $100.00. The End!

    I also gave birth to four, let me get this right, Beta Babies: children conceived through fertility treatment. In other words, their parents (and surrogates) know their first and second beta numbers....and sometimes third! Maybe some of us become surrogates because we feel guilty for the ability to have the Co-Pay Babies and we search high and low through the "land of infertility" for a person or couple who will allow us to help them and make all their "secret hope stories" come true. I am getting all of my words here from Glossary of All of My Made-up Words http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/ in case you don't have enough of your own. But I am telling you that there is a lot to be said for the cost of giving birth to a dream...(my phrase)!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

June 2nd quote

June 02, 2008

Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials. — Lin Yutang

"Oops, I forgot to have a baby!"

"Oops, I forgot to have a baby!"

Ok...I admit that I saw this featured on another site but didn't believe that THIS could possibly exist...yet once again I am proven wrong. Mugs, Bumper stickers, Apparel...everything you might need if you are forced to live child free and need to be sarcastic about it. I admit that the mug stating something about '18 to Life' has a ring of truth in it and maybe it would go well in my mug collection...right next to the one I picked up in Vancouver....but still...funny?

"A breeder will tell you, "Oh it's all worth it" but notice, they never look you in the eye when they say it. This giant mug will remind you of the duration of the sentence."

I take exception to being referred to as a 'breeder'.....or is it JUST ME?

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Memorial Day Travels: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet. 

— James Oppenheim

   

    As most of you know, those who have read my bio at least, I am now a resident of Seattle, Washington. Not having been here a year yet, there is still a ton for us to explore and experience. This Memorial Day, Joe, my long suffering husband of 23 years arranged for the three of us...Erika, our 12 year old, and myself to drive up to Vancouver CA for an over night...yes DRIVE....at THESE GAS PRICES!! But heck, it was cheaper then flying the Lear round trip and renting a car for 36 hours and it was only 150 miles one way, unless you get lost then you can add on 50 miles of aimless wandering while trying not to kill each other over who told who to take a right when it should have been a left! (No names please!!)

   So we left the Seattle area taking the northern route toward Vancouver, B.C. Driving on the I5 highway was a beautiful ride on a Sunday. The sun was shining and we were all in a great mood. Waiting the 45 minutes to cross the border into Canada wasn't even that bad with the windows rolled down and a light breeze wafting off the Pacific Ocean from the left and on the right, a lovely little speck of flowering shrubs and green grass where the Peace Arch Provincial Park is located. (No we didn't get out and stroll because we were hoping for a miracle to happen. One that included the lines moving faster through the check points into Canada....don't hold your breath!) We did bring our passports and once it was finally our turn it was all of 55 seconds of where are you going and why and THEN we were through and experiencing THE GREAT NORTH WEST of Canada....where road signs are hard to follow!

    We finally arrived at the River Rock Casino Resort located in Richmond, Canada just south of Vancouver. Check out the link! This is a all Suite resort and Spa with a small casino. We checked into our beautiful suite over looking a marina....Erika had a very comfortable queen size sofa bed in the living room and we had a heavenly king sized bed in the bed room. Everything was new and fresh. After we were settled in we had lunch at the Dockside Cafe and Joe and Erika hit the beautiful indoor pool with a water slide! (I just lounged on a chair, took pictures and read my book...MY idea of relaxing!) After an hour or two of swimming we were off to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (PG 13). It was fun and Harrison Ford hasn't changed a bit! We had a quick bite to eat and then back to the hotel. I am leaving out 2 things here...how DISSAPPOINTING  it was to find out that the US dollar is only worth 95 cents AND how horribly LOST we were trying to find the movie theatre! I swear that when you are on a road that provides signs every 2 miles that states 'please respect slow moving farm equipment' you would think THIS is the WRONG ROAD....and you turn around....and we DID...and then we found out that we actually WERE on the right road and so we had to back track AGAIN....sheesh...This is where the "D" word is tossed around with abandoned while my child, from the back seat, in a sing song voice, tells her father and I to build a bridge and GET OVER IT! HA (SHE isn't driving!!)

    Back at the hotel, we settle Erika in with some ice cream, the remote control and the cell phone while Joe and I decide to support our neighbors, the Canadian's, with some of our hard earned American Moola. This is my way of saying...NO we didn't hit the big one on the slots and don't ask anything about the exchange rates at the Casinos! But it was fun for a while and we tucked ourselves into our heavenly bed by midnight! 

      Memorial Day dawned bright, I'm sure...but I didn't see a bit of light until 10:30 am. Now THAT's a Vacation! We packed up and by 11:30 we were out the door and on our way North through Vancouver to Capilano. I highly recommend a visit to the Capilano Suspension Bridge | Explore the Park . It is beautiful! And well worth the price. We had only thought that the Suspension bridge would be the best thing about it but we loved the bridges in the tree tops as well as the cliffhanger walk. This is perfect for all ages and I really don't think you need to worry about any small child falling through the cracks...there aren't any! It is perfectly safe.....although I saw MANY older people hanging on for dear life! We stayed a couple of hours and may have stayed longer if we didn't need to get back to Seattle.  

    Again, on the drive back, we had to wait at least an hour to cross onto US soil and again, our passports came in handy. But this time there was no breeze as we took a less scenic route back to America and I5. We will be traveling north again but we may take a ferry to Victoria the next time. I always believe in taking full advantage of where you are living and see what is out your very own back door......and with travel starting to cost so much these short trips maybe all we do for a while!

Happy Sunday!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Photos are from the Capilano Website

The Family at Capilano

I wanted to add this photo of my DH, Joe, Erika and yours truly on one of the cliff hanger walks at Capilano, Canada....