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| By Sharon LaMothe Surrogacy Expert | ||
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I would like to ask my sister to be a surrogate and carry a child for my partner and me. I can't seem to find the words to ask, and I have so much anxiety about actually asking her. Any words of advice?
I can understand your anxiety regarding asking such a huge favor from someone who has the potential to be flattered or offended. Hopefully you have some idea of what your sister would say, as she is under consideration for a very important and significantly time-consuming project! I would like to know if she or the rest of your family or friends have any idea that you are looking for a surrogate. If not, then this might come as a complete surprise to her. If everyone does know, then maybe she hasn't come forward because she isn't interested or isn't aware that you would like her to be the one to assist you with making your dream family come true.
Before you outright ask her, make sure that she would, indeed, be a good candidate for surrogacy. Has she had any children of her own? What were her pregnancies like? Is she in the right age range (21 to 38) Is her BMI under 29.5, and is she in good health? Do you think her spouse will be supportive if she has one, and what kind of support will she have from the rest of your family?
If all these questions have positive answers for you, then I suggest that you set aside some quiet time and approach her with your question. Give her time to think about all the implications. Share with her your research and what types of things she can expect. Talk about the financial support you plan on giving her regarding the medical and legal aspect of surrogacy and anything else that you want to share with her.
Above all, make sure that she understands that you will not hold it against her if she chooses not to be your surrogate. Not everyone has the ability to give birth to another's child, and they know that fact deep in their heart. Once she gives you her answer, then you can move on with the next steps, whether they are finding another woman to assist you or starting the surrogacy journey with your sister!"
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