Surrogacy 101

Diving Under the Turbulence of Infertility By Guest Blogger Helen Adrienne, LCSW, BCD

Anyone who has ever frolicked in the ocean learns to avoid getting knocked over by the waves.  When a breaker is rolling toward you with its powerful churning energy, diving under it keeps you safe.

The imagery of the surf, with its potency and relentless momentum, is a fit metaphor for infertility.  Infertility has the power to knock over Godzilla.  In my 30-plus years of experience as a psychotherapist, I’ve seen infertility rob strength from the most stress-hardy.  But, I’ve also been privy to the resilience that carries to parenthood those who, like yourself, have suffered under the strain.

Where does resiliency come from?  The frenzy of infertility drains energy.  But many apply mental muscle to fight the good fight, which under the circumstances can feel like a car in overdrive with the emergency brake yanked up.  While applying mental muscle as a coping mechanism to push through the challenge can be effective, diving under the turbulence renews energy and builds resilience.  Diving under the turbulence can be learned and earned.  When under the turbulence, you let go of the infertility’s traumas and create a respite into which resiliency can flow.

The October, 2009 issue of Fertility and Sterility published a report of a study in which

“problem-focused coping” was contrasted with “letting-go coping.”  Problem-focused coping is about doing something different to alter the circumstances, whereas letting-go coping is about being in a different mindset by altering your emotional response to a situation that is out of your control.  While doing is not to be disparaged and has its place in the infertility struggle, it’s clear that infertility leaves everyone feeling out of control no matter what you seem to do.  Giving yourself a respite from the stress is what you can be in control of.  Letting go builds resilience for the next leg of the journey.  And, by the way, letting-go coping is “significantly associated” with pregnancy in the Fertility and Sterility report.*

If infertility is anything it is a total mind/body experience.  Mind and body cannot be pried apart.  The anguish of infertility goes beyond the mental experience of it.  As the mind tries to wrestle with the mental shock and the physical demands of trying to conceive, the mind/body expresses the stress in the form of physical, emotional, behavioral, cognitive, relational and spiritual symptoms.

So with mind and body in a frenzied state, how can one let go and dive under the turbulence?  Infertility patients worry that the past is a predictor of the future.  Little time is spent in the present moment, the only moment any of us have.  The present moment is also the place from which the opportunity to dive under the turbulence resides and where the chance to return the mind/body to a state of neutrality and receptivity to a pregnancy is highest.  There are lots of ways to dive under the turbulence: meditation, hypnosis, self-hypnosis and guided imagery are some of the better known among the letting-go techniques.  For purposes of this article, the Relaxation Response™ can be easily learned and earned.

The Relaxation Response™ ** utilizes the power of the breath as a built-in tranquilizer to calm the autonomic nervous system.  This means that if you breathe easily and rhythmically, as if all is right with the world even if you do not feel that it is, the brain stem responds by lowering blood pressure, heart rate and muscle tension and breaks the grip of other symptoms as well.  If simultaneously you say a word with a positive association such as “love” or “peace” to yourself every time you exhale, you can “let go” of the panic or depression which keeps the stress physiology of infertility at a feverish pitch.  This also keeps you in the present moment.

A variation of the Relaxation Response involves saying half of a phrase (such as “I am / at peace”) or prayer (“the Lord / is my shepherd,” for example) to yourself on the inhalation and the other half on the exhalation.  By repeating a word, phrase or prayer in your mind for 10 to 20 minutes, in co-ordination with your breathing, you dive under the turbulence.  You need to know that when you lose your place, let it go and start again.  Take a few moments and try it!

Staying focused on the breath and simultaneously on a positive thought breaks the spasm of stress and allows you “catch a breather” and build resilience.  The frenzy of infertility only intensifies if we can’t let go; conversely we find serenity if we can.  If the Relaxation Response becomes part of your daily routine, you will be pleasantly surprised at your power to manage stress.

Picture the experience of seeking cover under the churning surf.  Imagine what it would feel like?  Whether we dive under the churning surf or under the frenzy of infertility, the mind and the body can let go of fear.  We can enjoy relief.  And we can feel the power of resiliency to fortify us for the infertility endurance test.

 

 

*Nathalie Rappoport-Hubschman, M.D., Yori Gidron, Ph.D., Rivka Reicher-Atir, Ph.D., Onit Sapir, Ph.D., and Benjamin Fisch, M.D.  “Letting go” coping is associated with successful IVF treatment outcome, Fertility and Sterility, October, 2009, Volume 92, No. 4, pp.1384 – 1388.

** The Relaxation Response was pioneered over 30 years ago by Dr. Herbert Benson, founder of the mind/body medical institute at Harvard and author of the book by the same name.  Its efficacy has been field tested. When practiced regularly, the body reclaims a state of equilibrium that we lose when stress sends us flying into a state of physiological agitation.

Helen Adrienne, LCSW, BCD, has been a psychotherapist in private practice in New York City since 1979. Although she is a general practitioner for women, men and couples, she has specialized in working with infertility patients. Helen is trained in mind/body therapy and clinical hypnosis. She conducts mind/body stress reduction classes at NYU Fertility Center and educates mental health professionals on the parameters of infertility at national conferences. She is the author of On Fertile Ground: Healing Infertility, a book written for infertility patients and those who want to understand them and also provides support and advice on The Baby Manifest-O Blog created especially for those navigating the challenges of infertility and is a contributing blogger at Psychology Today.

Nobody's Child by Austin Boyd: A LaMothe Book Review

 

Nobody's Child by Austin Boyd was sent to me, along with 2 other copies to share, from Zondervan, for review.

 

 
First their Synopsis: 
For Laura Ann McGehee, her body represents the one remaining financial resource that can save the family farm. For Sophia McQuistion, Laura Ann’s unusual sacrifice fulfills her own dream of having a child. Weaving together bioethics and faith in a heart-rending tale of love lost and loves found, Nobody’s Child dramatizes the ethical question we can no longer ignore in medicine: Just because we can do something … should we? 

About Austin Boyd: He is the award-winning author of the thrilling space suspense trio, The Evidence, The Proof and The Return. An inventor, business entrepreneur, spacecraft engineer, and Navy pilot, he weaves real science with true-to-life characters in descriptive page-turning suspense. Austin and his wife, Cindy are the parents of four adult children and live  in Huntsville, Alabama where he manages an engineering and design company, and serves the community through Crisis Pregnancy ministries.

 
My take on Nobody's Child:  The book itself was well written and the pages filled with details of farm life in West Virginia along with characters who were believable and endearing. What I think is the crying shame about Nobody's Child is the obvious ignorance regarding egg donation. I probably shouldn't have been surprised as Eggsploitation is one of the references recommended in the back of the book. The segments shared regarding Laura Ann's egg donation and the outcome are particularly hard to swallow because every fear that a donor may have came true in this book. Realizing Nobody's Child is meant to be a dramatization I still felt I was constantly thinking 'what's next'? whenever something went wrong in poor Laura Ann's life. (Most of which stemmed from her egg donation).

 
Twenty years old and very much ashamed of "selling her eggs" to save the family farm and help with medical bills, Laura Ann has everything go wrong from floods and fires to a recipient of one of her egg donations showing up pregnant on her door step. What else could go wrong? How about premature labor, a will that leaves the baby to Laura and finding out that a nurse from the now debunked clinic also has a daughter from Laura Ann's donation! Nope, that is not a spoiler!

 

 I recommend reading Nobody's Child for entertainment only. There is a lot of misinformation regarding egg donation and the whys and hows of the process. Leering doctors and exaggerated side effects aside, Nobody's Child does have a message of where there's a will there's a way. Everything that was thrown at Laura Ann had a solution that worked for her mainly due to the supporting characters and her own deep seeded strength.

Review of Two Kellogg's FiberPlus Cereals: A LaMothe Product Review

When trying to conceive or just trying to eat a more balanced diet, we all become aware of how important healthy eating habits are. We are told to eat more fiber, add more antioxidants and find a way to enjoy doing just that. Well, I was asked to review 2 of Kellogg's FiberPlus cereals: Kellogg's FiberPlus^® Berry Yogurt Crunch and Kellogg's FiberPlus^® Cinnamon Oat Crunch. I received two full boxes and shared them with my husband and my 15 year old daughter. (and you know how picky 15 year olds can be!) Needless to say these two boxes didn't last long in our household. Both cereals tasted great and lived up to the wonderful Kellogg's reputation for producing healthy and tasty products. I felt like I was providing my family nutritious choices for their morning meal.  My daughter loved the Cinnamon Oat Crunch the best where my husband and I agreed that the Berry Yogurt Crunch was our favorite.  I would highly recommend that you give all of the FiberPlus cereals a try!

Four Different Ways Women Can Give the Gift of Life

I wnted to re-post this because there still is controversial news regarding embryo and sperm donations (not to mention egg donation) I think it's important to focus on other ways women can give the gift of life...(although egg donation is mentioned in this article) I have never been an egg donor, becoming involved in ART in my mid 30's, however, I am on the International Bone Marrow Donor list, give blood regularly, had cord blood saved and, of course, been a Gestational Carrier twice. ( I wouldn't consider the 7 Pounds route that Will Smith took in that role!) Needless to say, these stories are based in the UK but the US offers the same opportunities. Just ask your Dr. for guidance.

  

Sharon 

Four women on why they became donors 

Exclusive: By Alison Palmer 21/07/2009

These women all gave a body part to improve someone else’s life. Here they explain why they were so selfless

Every drop counts

Danielle Holmes, 32 lives with husband Richard in Muckamore, Belfast, with their children Kaya, three, and five-week-old Cayden. Danielle is a manager of a logistics company and Richard is a head chef.

“As my darling son, Riley, born 14 weeks early, lay in an incubator, hooked up to endless wires and tubes I felt so helpless. All I could do was feed his tiny 1lb 11oz body with my expressed breast milk.

Despite bleeds on the brain, collapsed lungs and other complications, he limped on. But four weeks in, with all the stress and heartache, my milk dried up. I was devastated. Doctors said formula milk would be too heavy, but there was a milk bank, breast milk donated by other mothers we could use.

Before I had Riley, I was repulsed by the thought but when you are in the situation we were in, knowing the best thing your very poorly child can have is breast milk, you’re eternally grateful for another mum’s donation. I believe the donated milk gave me another five weeks with Riley before he died after surgery for a bowel infection.

So two years later, when I gave birth to Kaya, I was determined to give something back. I contacted the milk bank at Fermanagh and they sent me special bottles and an insulated box and I began expressing.

Each day, as well as expressing for Kaya, I managed 120ml for the bank which I’d freeze. It doesn’t sound much but the tiniest babies only need a couple of millilitres, so every bit counts. I donated for seven months and hope to again now Cayden is five weeks old.

I mentioned having my long hair cut off on www.baby-greenhouse.co.uk and someone suggested I give it to a charity that makes wigs for children with cancer. It’s amazing you can do something so small, so insignificant to you that can make such a massive difference to another person’s life.”

/ For details of milk banks, visit www.ukamb.org or call 0208 383 3559. To donate hair, see www.littleprincesses.org.uk or www.locksoflove.org

How could I deny someone a life?

 

Leanne Flanagan, 22, of Cardiffis single with no children and works in a supermarket.

“I opened the letter and started to read. It said: ‘To my dear donor. Thank you for giving me the gift of life. My family and I cannot thank you enough. You will never know what you’ve done for me.’

Tears rolled down my cheeks.

When I signed up to be a bone marrow donor, I gave a blood sample and filled in some paperwork but I never thought I’d be a match.

Then, on my birthday the following year, in November 2007, I received a letter saying I was a potential match. I had some blood taken, then a fortnight later I got a letter to say I was a perfect match.

My family weren’t very happy because they were worried about health implications. But for me it was clear. There was someone out there, probably with leukaemia that would ultimately kill them, who knew there was a donor who could save them.

How could I deny them a chance of life?

I opted to give bone marrow through ‘peripheral blood stem cell donation’. It was simple.

For three days a nurse injected me with a special substance to boost my stem cells. Then on the fourth day the Anthony Nolan Trust paid for us to go to Londonwhere I spent five hours hooked up to a machine at University College Hospital.

I had a needle in each arm; one took blood out into a machine that collected the cells, the other put the ‘empty’ blood back in. I felt tired but nothing more.

I knew the whole process was anonymous so, when I received the letter via the trust I was bowled over.

I’ll never know the recipient but just to know there’s someone out there, still hopefully living a happy, healthy life because of me is just wonderful.”

To join the register or to find out more about the process see www.anthonynolan.org.uk or call 0207 284 1234.

It was very humbling

 

Cathy Sidaway, 29, a business development manager, lives in York. She’s single and has no children.

“I was leafing through a paper a couple of years ago when I saw an advert from an anonymous couple who needed an egg donor. I thought I could be that person. It all came at a very poignant time. My friend had suffered multiple miscarriages and a relative has endometriosis and was struggling to get pregnant.

I spent some time on the National Gamete Donation Trust’s (NGDT) forum for those considering donation and called the number.

I had extensive counselling. It threw up all sorts of emotions. I was asked how I’d feel telling my own future children that somewhere they may have a half-sibling. I hope they and any future partner would understand. I also had to go through various medical tests.

It was almost a year by the time, last February, I finally donated via Guy’s Hospital, London. I had to go through a similar process to IVF to create as many eggs as possible.

They collected 14 eggs. It was a little uncomfortable but not awful. Sadly the recipient hasn’t got pregnant yet but I’m hopeful it will work out for her soon.

I donated once more and I’m just about to donate again. I met the woman online and was only going to tell her about the process, but we got on so well I offered to be her donor.

I thought I’d donate four times, but we’ll see. All I know is I can give a woman a shot at motherhood. That’s a very humbling experience.”

For more information see www.ngdt.co.uk or call the helpline on 0845 226 9193.

I knew it could save a life

Rebecca Khan, 29, lives in Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, with husband, Kyle, 32, and children, Elena, 23 months and Leah, seven weeks. She works for the NHS – and in recruitment.

“I knew blood in the umbilical cord was live-saving through my work with the blood and transfusion service. I also know it’s hard to find matches for the ethnic community. So, being half-Greek with a half-Jamaican husband, I was desperate to donate. Sadly not all hospitals have a cord blood donation team but mine, Barnet General, does. It wasn’t long before I had a call from the donation team who took me through all the details and helped me fill in a consent form that I kept in my pregnancy notes.

I was devastated when, after Elena’s birth, they hadn’t been able to retrieve a full sample. There wasn’t enough blood in the cord.

So I made sure all the paperwork was in order again when I gave birth to Leah and hoped that this time they’d be successful. They were.

I had an elective caesarean so I didn’t even see when they took the cord away. But it doesn’t matter how you give birth, you can still donate.

Once they cut the cord and establish mum and baby are OK the cord blood team take the placenta and cord. The cells in cord blood can be sent all over the world to help cure patients of life-threatening diseases such as blood cancers and immune disorders.

It’s wonderful that something so useless to you could save a life.”

/For more info about hospitals with a cord blood team or to register to be a donor visit http://cord.blood.co.uk or call 0800 783 5870 or 020 8437 1740.

August is National Breastfeeding Month

August is National Breastfeeding Month, which is fitting because breastfeeding is once again spiking in popularity among new moms as the preferred method of feeding their newborn babies.  Breastfeeding is a personal choice that all mothers make and this trend is very healthy because breastfeeding provides so many benefits to both the mother and her baby.  Chicago Healers Practitioner Dr. Marilyn Mitchell, MD, provides some of the benefits of breastfeeding.

• Nutrients and Enzymes- Babies who are breastfed take in nutrients and enzymes that are perfectly proportioned for a human infant.  Bottled milk often comes from cows or soy and lacks the perfect blend of nutrients and enzymes that human milk provides.
• Supplemented Immune System- Breast milk also transmits antibodies from the mother to the infant, which are especially vital during the first few months of life when the infant’s immune system is immature and lacks the ability to produce its own antibodies.
• Healthier Life- Infants who breastfeed generally have fewer illnesses during the breastfeeding period than those who are bottle-fed and develop fewer allergies in their lifetime.  Breastfed babies also tend to have less colic, fewer restless episodes, and better sleep patterns than bottle-fed infants.
• Helps Mom, Too- Breastfeeding increases metabolism, which helps with post-partum weight loss.  It also helps with mother-child bonding due to the mutually pleasurable experience.

It is also smart for new moms to be aware of what they consume while breastfeeding, as it can affect their child.  Here is a list of things to up intake of and things to avoid:

Do eat:

• Fresh fruits and vegetables (organic when possible)
• Protein sources (also organic when possible)
• 8-12 glasses of water, juice, herbal teas
• Calcium rich foods (dairy, greens, legumes)

         Avoid:

• Alcohol
• Caffeinated beverages and all soda pop
• Foods that bother the infant (spices for some)
• Preservatives