Wouldn't it be great to have a crystal ball and know what your future holds for you and your new potential Intended Parents? It may seem easy once you make the decision to become a surrogate. You read profiles, letters and pick a likely candidate. You might exchange e-mails or talk on the phone. You hear stories of hopes, dreams, complications and confusion. You share your values and lifestyle. And then perhaps a date...lunch? Dinner? ahhhh the glow, the euphoria of finding the "right" match. And then drip drip drop it starts to rain on the parade...just a drizzle at first. Nothing to stop the momentum, you can still see a slice of blue sky, but you get out the umbrella anyway. Perhaps this happens during contract negations. The IP's who were once so grateful for finding you want you to lower your "fee". (by 25% and Heavens! NO! They do not want to use an escrow agent!!) They want you to promise not to work during the pregnancy but they don't want to pay lost wages either. They want you to use your insurance at the infertility clinic so that they don't have to pay for the medications. (Thankfully most clinics won't do this any longer.) Your new IPs want you to go to Florida or Illinois for the transfer but don't want to pay child care for YOUR KIDS while you are gone. Hummmmmm If this pattern is starting now, during the contract phase, what's to say that it will be any different when you are pregnant? Maybe its time to rethink this match.
I know of many women who just WANT to be surrogates SO BADLY they are willing to overlook a multitude of red flags. They start out on their own in order to save their future IP's money. But when things start to go south You can say no. You can back that train up and get OFF. Before you commit to medical testing (where the IP's start to spend money on the relationship they are building with you), PLEASE make it clear what YOUR expectations are. This is where a great agency would benefit you! Your first conversation with them would be where you stand on your base fees, benefits, selective reduction, abortion and everything that is near and dear to your heart. An agency would find Intended Parents who would be the right fit for you. A great agency would do your homework with you...supporting you every step of the way. If you have questions or concerns your agency should be there to answer for you. But remember, like a finding a good match with Intended Parents you have to find a great match with an agency. Don't forget to do your homework there as well. Surrogacy is a life changing experience, good or bad, and you have a duty to listen to your instincts and follow your intuition.
Posted by: Sharon LaMothe~
Founder of LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting
Owner LaMothe Services
