Surrogacy 101

#SurrogacyMyth: You can be a surrogate even if you have never been pregnant

I have heard women say “Since I don’t want children of my own, I would be the perfect surrogate” or "I don’t want my own baby but I do want to experience pregnancy” or “I know I want children later but I want to be a surrogate now”. To all these women, if I feel they would be qualified, I say “What about egg donation because you are not qualified to be a surrogate”. Many sighs of disappointment and questions of “why not”? (Are you digging the quotes?)

Here are the main reasons that someone who has never had a baby should not be a surrogate:

*There is no previous experience with pregnancy and birth. No one knows what complications this body may have.

*Not sure if there would be any fertility issues

*No personal knowledge of the discomforts of pregnancy

*No personal knowledge of the pain of the birthing process

*Possible emotional issues through out

I have heard of surrogates without previous pregnancy experience be successful but that is almost always for a family member. Some clinics or doctors will make an exception in these cases. Again I remind my readers that the surrogacy process is costly with the Intended Parents investing thousands and thousands of dollars and having someone that has proven that she can carry and give birth to at least one healthy baby is an important part of the process.

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#SurrogacyMyth: Intended Parents have no right to know their surrogate's medical history

 

Once all parties make the beginning steps toward becoming part of a surrogacy arrangement, separately or together, all of past medical issues will be revealed. (At least the ones that have to do with pregnancy, fertility, any transmitted diseases, depression etc.) Everyone has to sign medical waivers and the surrogate will know the back ground of the IPs just as the IPs will know the medical background of their surrogate. The RE/clinic will also have records pertaining to past pregnancies of the surrogate or IVF cycles involving the Intended Parents. Nothing can be secret or sacred when the health of the surrogate is at stake or the best chances for the embryo. If you have something to hide then surrogacy in the USA is not for you.

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#SurrogacyMyth: 2nd hand cigarette or pot smoke is not a concern during a surrogacy pregnancy

This is a total myth as everyone knows how dangerous second-hand smoke is to pregnant women as well as other adults and children. If you are exposed to second-hand smoke during pregnancy, both you and your baby are put at risk. Some of the health conditions associated with being exposed to second-hand smoke are a miscarriage, low birth weight, early birth, learning or behavioral deficiencies in your child, and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Third-hand smoke is the residue left behind by cigarettes on furniture, in rugs, in paint, etc.  Third-hand smoke can stick around for months or years. If a place smells like smoke, even if no one is currently smoking, it is a safe bet there is tobacco residue there. You can read more about second and third hand smoke and pregnancy here: http://americanpregnancy.org/pregnancy-complications/second-hand-smoke-and-pregnancy/

All Surrogacy agreements have a non-smoking clause or at the very least a clause that states the surrogate will follow OBGYN’s orders/guidelines and in those orders is to not expose yourself to smoke or pollution of any kind (within reason) besides cigarette and marijuana smoke there are the chemical fumes from mani and pedicures, some hair dyes, and gasoline fumes to name a few sources.

Some women who want to become surrogates have partners or husbands who smoke. Even if they state they will only smoke outside the home, there is still that chance of 3^rd hand smoke in the car and on clothing. The best bet is to have everyone in the home to be non-smokers.

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#SurrogacyMyth: If the Intended Parents don't want twins, they will leave one baby for the surrogate to parent if she wants it.

Some people shake their heads over this #SurrogacyMyth but this thought has been voiced on more than one occasion. “Keeping one of the babies” comes up when a surrogate doesn’t want to go through a selective reduction and she thinks that the issue could be solved by her taking the responsibility of one child. There are so many reasons why this wouldn’t work. Who are the parents of these babies? The Intended Parents. Who is responsible for anything and everything that happens to these children after they are born? The Intended Parents. Most likely the contract states that the surrogate will agree to a selective reduction but now that the time has come, wants to change her mind, or wants the IPs to change their minds.

Can the Intended Parents force anyone to terminate a fetus? No, but they can state breach of contract and depending on how things are handled, a huge conflict between all parties will ruin the surrogacy relationship. If the surrogate decides to go against her agreement the IPs will still be completely responsible for all additional babies. Yes, the Intended Parents can put any and all of their children up for adoption at birth (or at any time; they are the parents) but I have found that most will keep any offspring that the surrogate gives birth to. There are rare exceptions, as always.

I personally don’t know of any gestational carriers who are raising someone else’s child that they, themselves, carried as a surrogate. If you know of someone, I would love to post their own personal story here.

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#SurrogacyMyth: If a woman has been pregnant in the past year or so, she shouldn't need a maternity clothing allowance

Ahhhh the Maternity Clothing Allowance, a topic of many a conversation. Most surrogacy arrangements have an amount of $750-$1000.00 earmarked for maternity clothing. In the case of twins, a surrogate may use that money around the 10^th week of pregnancy and for a singleton she may use it at around 12-14 weeks. Nothing stops anyone from buying clothing earlier from what the agreement states but the surrogate will not be reimbursed until the time agreed.

Some intended parents might ask a surrogate why she would need new maternity clothing especially if she had a baby within the past 2 years. Here are just a few reasons:

*She gave all of her maternity clothing away not thinking that she might need them again

*She had her last baby in the winter and will need a wardrobe for an entirely different season(s)

*She has a “professional” career and needs to update her wardrobe

*She has a job that requires a uniform and she needs to buy maternity sizes in order to continue working

*She tossed all of her old maternity undergarments and will need to buy new (comfortable bras and underwear often need replacing)

*She has an event that she will attend during her pregnancy and will need to buy appropriate clothing 

*She needs clothes for all reasons: Sleeping, playing, swimming, working, lounging, going out and staying in.

If your wife or significant other were carrying this baby, would you not expect her to buy clothing that was stylish and actually fit for her growing body? Case closed.

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