Surrogacy 101

Dear Sassy, What Are the 3 Strangest Things You Have Seen in a Gestational Carrier Agreement? Guest Post by "Sassy Surrogate" and Colorado Surrogacy

Dear Sassy: I have been matched and cleared by the clinic but I am extremely nervous about moving to the legal agreement with the Intended Parents. Yes, I think they are great or I would not have chosen to be matched with them, however legal scares me. I am wanting to be prepared for the unexpected. What are the 3 strangest things you have seen in a Gestational Carrier Agreement? – Optimistic but Concerned

Dear O & C: I know we have all heard the horror stories of the controlling and demanding Intended Parents. Really most intended parents want what’s best for you and their baby. With that said, some things to expect, that may seem strange in a Gestational Carrier Agreement are limits on travel, handling rodents, reptiles and poop, and extreme sports.

Intended Parents are very concerned about minimizing risks, especially if it is something you can control like travel. Air travel poses higher risk during pregnancy for things like blood clots. It is possible that IPs will want to limit air travel during the pregnancy or restrict it all together. Some of those risks apply to traveling in general and many parents may have reasons to limit that travel, like Zika. The main issue with travel during pregnancy comes down to the legal aspect of the parentage process. The law governing the parentage process is by state, so it is important where the baby is physically delivered. Travel after 24 weeks is typically limited to the state in which you live and the parentage order has been established.

Herbert the Hamster and his little friends, rodents and reptiles, are notorious for carrying diseases. Normally having pets around is fine, but in pregnancy those pets can cause much bigger problems. It’s best to be hands off Herbert and any other rodents during pregnancy. That means no cleaning cages, cleaning the litter box or anything else that would contain feces. Yes, you can still snuggle your cat, just pass on the duty of the litter box, and who doesn’t want to pass along that chore anyway.

While most of us are trying to put our socks on or just see our feet, there are some women who are able to still rock climb or ski! If you are a Gestational Carrier these are considered extreme sports and extreme risk to the pregnancy. Commonly Gestational Carrier Agreements will say that the Gestational Carrier is not allowed to scuba dive, skydive, jump on a pogo stick, ski, roller skate, rock climb, ice climb, white water raft, or hang glide. This does not mean you cannot exercise, you just need to stay in the moderate range and talk with the fertility clinic or your OB about what kind and how much is right for you.

Each situation is different and of course other things can be requested of the Gestational Carrier like eating only organic, not having vaccinations, or maybe something to do with a religious preference. Most importantly these are important to discuss and compromise if possible now, rather than having any surprises during the pregnancy. Yes, there are outliers that want outrageous things, most just want you and their baby to be happy and healthy, with a few special requests ;-)

Colorado Surrogacy [www.coloradosurro.com] loves to support gestational carriers of all types: Sassy, sensational and splendid. Their entire team [https://www.coloradosurro.com/meet-the-staff] loves to provide support and encouragement through journeys of all types.

Six Things to Keep in Mind when Becoming a Surrogate Mother a Guest Post by David Bull of My Surrogate Mom

Surrogacy is a generous and selfless act. Women choose to become surrogates because they want to give the gift of life to another family and, of course, because they want to enjoy the experience and be the best surrogate they can be!

You have decided to give a priceless gift to those who cannot start a family on their own. However, this process does not come without some challenges. Even though every surrogacy journey is different, here are six things to keep in mind when becoming a surrogate.

1. Educate Yourself
Educating yourself is one of the most important phases for having a positive surrogacy journey. When you decide to become a surrogate, many aspects need to be taken into consideration. The first step is to learn as much as possible about the process to be ready for what is to come.
In this early stage of the process, it may be wise to speak to a counselor to ensure you are ready to cope with the challenges related to the surrogacy process.

2. Take Good Care of Yourself
A healthy surrogate equals a healthy baby, so taking care of yourself while pregnant is vital to have a successful surrogacy journey. There are many resources online where you can find advice to keep you in shape during your pregnancy. Your doctors and surrogacy specialist can also provide you with additional information and good practices that will help you during your pregnancy. Remember, your emotional well-being is as important as your physical health throughout the pregnancy. Don’t neglect it.

3. Seek Out Surrogacy Professionals
Whether you want to follow an independent surrogacy journey or work with an agency, you will need to have an attorney specializing in surrogacy. Be sure that you choose a reputable surrogacy professional. The chosen professional must be there to be a resource for information and support.

4. Maintain Open Communication with Your Intended Parents
Don’t forget that open communication is vital in a surrogacy journey. Try to keep your intended parents as involved as you are comfortable with. The more communication and moments you can share throughout the surrogacy process with your IPs, the stronger your relationship and the better the journey will be.
It depends on each relationship, but you could try to share how you feel, talk openly about the challenges you are facing (e.g., morning sickness), or provide frequent updates, to name a few examples. You could invite them to the doctor appointments. Don’t be overwhelmed. You don’t need to share everything. Only share what your comfortable sharing.

5. Document Your Journey
This journey will be life-changing for you and your intended parents. It can be worth it to document the journey for you and your family to remember it in the future. There are several options for documenting your surrogacy journey—from taking pictures during your pregnancy to capture life with your family to keeping a journal and taking notes.

6. Get Emotional Support
From getting matched with the intended parents to giving birth, the surrogacy journey can be emotionally draining. You will go through the side effects of the pregnancy while still attending your daily activities. Finding emotional support is particularly important considering that you are helping someone achieve their parenthood dream, and at the end of the journey, you’ll give the baby away. There are great surrogacy professionals out there that can help you, but you could also find a support group of surrogate mothers or even just one other surrogate to chat with. It can be helpful to share your feelings and problems with women who are or were on the same journey as you.

Wrapping Up
A big thank you for considering becoming a surrogate mother! This is probably one of the most generous acts a woman can do. Keep in mind the advice in the post to have a successful surrogacy journey!

www.MySurrogateMom.com is the first independent surrogacy community in the US and Canada. Finding the right surrogate mother, egg donor, or intended parents is an extremely personal process. We have created this space to help you connect with your surrogacy soulmate. In our surrogacy community, we work to provide the tools and information needed to help match extraordinary surrogate mothers and selfless egg donors with prospective intended parents.

 

Doulas in Surrogacy by Guest Blogger Blakley Mortvedt of Heartland Surrogacy

Just like it takes a village to raise a child, there is a network of professionals that can help make your journey to a baby a happy, healthy one. One such professional is a doula, who can provide emotional and physical support during labor, delivery, postpartum recovery, and newborn care.

What is a doula?

A doula is a trained professional who provides information and support for a family during their pregnancy, birth, and early postpartum time. In preparation for labor and delivery, a doula can coach a pregnant woman of what to expect in the process, options in the case of complications, and techniques for coping. Although a surrogate will likely not need the same background information as in her first pregnancy, a doula can provide guidance for new circumstances and information for the intended parents on what to expect.

Labor and Delivery

Perhaps a doula’s most common service is attending the labor and delivery. Her role is to guide the pregnant woman through the process according to her birth plan, advocate for her and the baby to medical staff, and provide emotional support. A doula can offer ideas for comfort during labor and positioning ideas for labor progression. By providing support, doulas can ease the emotional experience of birth and allow the hormones and natural progression of labor to work effectively. Additionally, doulas offer support to the birth partner and help them to be as involved as desired. If the surrogate does not have a birth partner, the doula can also fill in this support role, alleviating stress on the surrogate’s family and support network.

Postpartum Doula Support

Doulas can offer physical and emotional support after the birth of a baby as well. They can perform a range of tasks including light housework, meal preparation, lactation support, and assistance with newborn care. While a surrogate will not be caring for a newborn, her circumstance can present challenges not present in a typical delivery. She may have had excellent support and communication from her IPs during the pregnancy, but once the baby is delivered, the IPs will be tied up with parenting. Not having a baby that others want to visit can leave the surrogate feeling alone and unsupported, and unfortunately it can be too easy for medical and emotional concerns to go unseen. “The postpartum period is still part of a surrogacy journey, and it is our responsibility to support our surrogates at every step of the way,” says Brie Powers, president of Heartland Surrogacy, which offers a postpartum doula visit to all of their surrogates. 

Newborn Care

A postpartum doula can also help new parents with newborn care. There is much preparation that can be done ahead of time, but as any parent can attest, you don’t know exactly how things will be until you’re in the throes of parenthood. Doulas can provide guidance with feeding, diapering, and even travel with baby. Taking care of the baby for an hour or two can help new parents catch a little bit of sleep, an enormous gift in the newborn period!

Your agency or medical provider can connect you with a doula in your area. The support a doula can provide even in the unique circumstances of a surrogate pregnancy can benefit the surrogate and intended parent(s) alike. 

 

Heartland Surrogacy is based in Des Moines, IA, with a satellite office in Portland OR. Their mission is to build beautiful families through matches from the heart. Through individual attention and customized services, they support their clients through the surrogacy journey. They work with intended parents from across the US, matching them with healthy, responsible, and caring gestational surrogates in the Midwest or West Coast. For more information, visit www.heartlandsurrogacy.com.

 

 

Surrogacy 101 Included in Top 10 Surrogacy Blog Contest for 2019

Thank you to everyone who took the time to vote for their favorite blogs! Surrogacy 101 took 7th place and I am happy and honored to be included in the top 10! If there is a topic you would like to see addressed in Surrogacy 101 just let me know! Many thanks to MySurrogateMom.com and David Bull for holding the contest and congratulations to my fellow participants! There are some great blogs out there offering a ton of information on surrogacy and other family building options. Click the link at the bottom of this post to see which blogs should be on your reading list!

 

The moment you understand that you will need the help of surrogacy to create the family you wish, so much can be scary and emotional. And when you start looking for information about surrogacy, you will realize that there are so many resources out there that it is natural to feel overwhelmed. Going through this by yourself can feel lonely at times, and that is normal. For this reason, we have decided to help you by researching the best surrogacy blogs and creating a list of the top ten surrogacy blogs for 2019!

 

These blogs were nominated by our readers, pre-selected based on content quality and how often they are updated, and finally ranked by your more than 3,000 votes in our contest, The Top Surrogacy Blog Awards 2019. We want to thank all of you for your participation in the process, from the initial nominations to the vote.

 

Before announcing the top 10 surrogacy blogs, remember that education is fundamental when pursuing surrogacy; the more you know, the better prepared you will be for what lies ahead. Research, read, learn, and ask!

 

And now click here for  the Ultimate List of Top Ten Surrogacy Blogs!

 

 

 

Looking for That Meaningful Gift to Represent the Unique Relationship Between a Surrogate and Her Intended Family: by Guest Blogger Louma El-Khoury Salloum Owner of Pokidots

The surrogacy journey can be a very draining one. It starts as a positive solution or an opportunity, but it carries with it a load of demands, from medical and legal requirements to psychological and financial responsibilities. The result of this wonderful and tumultuous journey is very much worth the temporary difficulties, though, and the connection that the surrogate and the intended parents end up developing is unlike any other and is one to be treasured forever.

When surrogates look for meaningful gifts for their intended families, the first things that come to mind are baby items to help the intended families in their new path as parents. But do generic gift baskets and baby bundles genuinely represent the true intimate nature of the relationship between the surrogates and their intended families?

How about a special gift that’s meaningful and that serves as a true link between all the parties, including the baby? I am talking about a keepsake—a piece of art that’s made with a birth blanket or one of the very first baby items used at the birth—to mark that special event and the precious relationship that made it happen.

At my Seattle studio, Pokidots!, I take sentimental baby items and make beautiful keepsakes that can be displayed in your home, and that tell the unique and wonderful journey of your family and your baby. A first blanket, a hospital hat, a coming-home outfit, or a favorite onesie become exceptional pieces of art made just for you.

These keepsakes tell stories of long years of infertility that ended with a miracle, stories of grandparents from the 1940s, sleepless nights and grateful days, and everything in between. Choose between 7 styles currently offered and further personalize your keepsake with a first name, an initial, or a short note. Once you send me the outfit or baby item with which you have chosen to have a keepsake made, it will only take a couple of weeks for you to receive it or have it delivered to your recipient.

Parents have described their keepsakes as “more than decorative art [but] treasured heirlooms to pass on” and “unique, wonderfully made pieces of art that are precious and personal to [their] family.” I love taking a small part in the stories of the families with whom I have worked by creating for them a keepsake they can cherish and pass on. The stories and the memories will live forever in these treasured pieces of art.

I would love to create something to capture your unique journey and connection as well. Contact me at keepsakes@pokidots.com or visit www.pokidots.com to begin.

Louma El-Khoury Salloum

Artist & owner
www.pokidots.com
Instagram: @pokidots