Kids and Surrogacy, What Do They Need to Know?

It's very important to talk to kids about surrogacy, whether it's as a surrogate mother or an intended parent, all children need to know the who, what, when and whys of surrogacy!  IP's may have a child of their own and wonder how to explain that another baby will be joining their family but Mom will not be pregnant.They may be looking ahead into the future and think about the day that they, the IP's, will talk to their child about how they came into this world and their own family. I will address this in a future blog with examples of how other IP's have approached this difficult topic.

 

For now, as a mother and a potential carrier, it's important that everyone is on-board in your household regarding your surrogacy. You may have children who are too young to even understand what a pregnancy is...a 2 or 3 year old may just need to know the bare minimum....and except it as the norm. I know that my daughter at age 3 would go around telling anyone who would listen that her mommy was carrying a baby for Ms. K and it wasn't ours! This made an interesting conversation in the Sears check out line! Honestly, it's the older children most affected. Their pregnant mother will be exposed to their friends, neighbors, teachers, church family and cub/girl scout leaders! Pregnant and not with a baby that belongs to Dad! With no intentions of bringing it home from the hospital! Ask your 8 year old to explain THAT situation! or your 13 or 17 year old for that matter!

 

When I approached my teenager about being a surrogate for others,  I had some explaining to do regarding HOW I was going to get pregnant with another couple's baby in the first place. I first told him about the couple and the circumstances. Then I explained the medical procedure in layman's terms. (Which is all I knew at the time) I used the analogy of donating my body to carry a baby for 9 months and then getting my body back. He really was very supportive and as long as he wasn't getting another sibling, he was quite happy! (needless to say that he had his hands full already with his own little sister! ) I think that for the most part, children are very giving and understanding regarding surrogacy. They think 'why wouldn't everyone want to have a baby/kid/child because look at how happy I make MY OWN PARENTS!'

 

Many surrogates, including me, have said to their younger kids 'MS. ___'s tummy is broken and so she needs me to carry her baby for her and then I will give this baby to her/his parents in the hospital'. Very simple and to the point. There may be follow up questions but nothing that you can't handle. There are several books out there as well for younger children. One of those books I wrote called Surrogacy Helps Make a Family Grow! which will help your child understand the surrogacy concept, and give the tools on how to explain what you are doing, to his/her own friends. Just remember to be consistent throughout your pregnancy stating to your children often that this baby is NOT yours, not a member of your family, how happy and excited the IP's are and the fact that he/she will NOT be living in your home after it's born.

 

The most important thing is to make your surrogacy a family event! Be PROUD because you are giving a gift that will keep on giving forever....and your family will be your support, your foundation, your strength as you go through a pregnancy for another couple, helping them to realize their own goals...to have a family just like YOURS!

 

On a side note, a great agency will also help you through the surrogacy process and also be supportive and have invaluable information and guidance throughout! Family Inceptions is just one of those agencies and I invite you to contact us for more information on how you can give a gift that will forever change lives!