Surrogacy 101

What to Expect from Your Surrogacy Agency

 

 

Most surrogacy agencies have a wonderful wealth of knowledge and experience. They have the connections and contacts plus the time and the staff to assist their clients through the most difficult of surrogacy journeys. However, if you are planning to hire a surrogacy agency then expect to pay anywhere from $18k-$50K depending on the services offered, how long that agency has been in business, and the size of the agency. This usually does not include the surrogate compensation, medical, legal, or mental health professionals, etc.  A Surrogacy Consultant, like myself, will also assist with a lot of these steps but only after the Intended Parents have found their own surrogate (be it from an Internet search, through a friend or working with a family member). It can be significantly less expensive with a consultant if you are also willing to put some time and effort into the process.

First Steps:

 

(Usually Free) Consultations with Intended Parents which includes education on the surrogacy process

IP retains Surrogacy Agency Services

Agency then will do the following:

Advertise for the surrogates that Intended Parents are looking for. This can be based on the following:

location
working/stay at home mother
has insurance
age/bmi range
willing to pump breast milk
willing to carry twins
term or no term
selective reduction or none
married or single 
healthy (no smoking or vaping, drugs, medications, psychological issues, pregnancy issues, etc.)
not on government assistance
range of compensation
experienced or first time GC

no criminal history

healthy pregnancies
etc

Once an agency finds a qualified surrogate then the following screening process starts:

Surrogate application review
Interview and education on the Surrogacy process

Make sure that Surrogate has had a pap and a physical in the last year including an infectious disease panel

Make sure that the surrogate has clearance from her OB stating that she is healthy enough to carry a pregnancy to term 
Request medical records from all of her OB's (this can include several states and OBs depending on how many children she has and how many states she has lived in)
Have a RN or other medical professional review all medical records
Run federal background checks on all parties and everyone living in the home that is over 18
Verify/review medical insurance or find insurance that is surrogacy friendly
Finding a reproductive mental health professional for the psychological evaluation for her and her husband/partner
Home assessment

The matching process begins and that includes the following:

Making sure the GC/surrogate is matched with someone that agrees with all she is looking for and the same with the IP (as close as possible)
sharing profiles
answering questions
if a no, then find another possible match
if a yes, set up a conference call
if a no, then find another possible match 
if a yes, set up a face to face meeting or a video conference call

if a no, start over
if a yes, move on to medical evaluation which includes the following:
*prepare match sheet
*sending medical records to the clinic
*making sure GC and partner know what to expect and that they will be reimbursed for time at clinic
*making phone calls on behalf of all parties to move things forward in a timely manner 
if medical evaluation goes well, group psychological consult
if a no, start at the beginning for no extra charge
arranging life and disability policies if not done already
if all goes well, start the contracts where the agency should help with the following:
*finding 2 qualified reproductive attorneys in the right areas for the match
*send over all agreements between IPs and GC/surrogate on termination, selective reduction, compensation, expectations,etc.
* assist in setting up the escrow account for the GC/surrogate and telling the IP how much needs to be deposited and when (also in the contract)

When contracts are signed and escrow is funded, it's on the medical team at the IP's clinic to assist Gestational Carrier and IP as they get ready for transfer day-the agency is there to do the following:

support all parties as they get ready for transfer
encourage GC through her meds and answer questions and trouble shoot any problems
being available to IP and GC as transfer takes place along with the 2 week wait
often agencies send transfer packages out to GC and answer logistic questions

After transfer agency's are still supporting their IP and GC throughout the beta and confirmation of pregnancy
if no pregnancy, then start over at transfer (and continue to do that until pregnancy is achieved)
if pregnancy is never achieved, agency will rematch IP if desired and usually will start at the beginning

If there IS a pregnancy then agency is responsible for the following:

supporting all parties through their time at the clinic
assisting with a smooth transition from clinic to OB
supporting all parties throughout pregnancy which can include:
*encouraging the relationship between GC and IP to grow 
*attending appointments if IPs can't and if GC needs support
*making sure that bills are being paid on time or reimbursements are given in a timely manner (in communication with escrow company if needed)
*communicating with GC and IPs as needed via text, call, email or in person
*reminding everyone along the way of things that should be done and when such as hospital tours, talking with hospital social workers, checking escrow balance, support for bed rest or other issues 
*making sure GC is getting the attention she wants and needs, not micromanaging relationships
*bringing in mental health professional when needed
*being available if there is a miscarriage, still birth, or other emergency, giving advice and added support

At the end of the pregnancy, agency's are often at the birth or visit in the hospital and doing the following:

making sure the bills continued to be paid via the escrow,

reminding parties to send bills into insurance companies
GC/surrogate is recuperating well from labor and delivery
GC/surrogate is adjusting well to home life
IPs are adjusting well to baby and parenting offering advice and support as needed
continuing to support for the next few months as everyone gets back into their new normal

I might have left some steps out but the point is that agencies earn their pay and in most cases its under 2K per month. As most experienced IPs and GC's know, the entire process from start to finish can be 15-18 months and sometimes longer depending on how many transfers and delays take place. I work with Independent matches (IP's found own GC) and ALSO do most of these steps with the exception of matching. IPs and GC are more hands on when working with a consultant but it's less overwhelming and less cost. Only if you have the time or the experience would it be a good idea to go out on your own. This is a journey with, sometimes, overwhelming emotional reactions and it's always a good idea to have outside support from an expert. 

 

If you would like to know more, feel free to contact me for a free consultation at [email protected] 

 

 

#SurrogacyMyth: If the Intended Parents don't want twins, they will leave one baby for the surrogate to parent if she wants it.

Some people shake their heads over this #SurrogacyMyth but this thought has been voiced on more than one occasion. “Keeping one of the babies” comes up when a surrogate doesn’t want to go through a selective reduction and she thinks that the issue could be solved by her taking the responsibility of one child. There are so many reasons why this wouldn’t work. Who are the parents of these babies? The Intended Parents. Who is responsible for anything and everything that happens to these children after they are born? The Intended Parents. Most likely the contract states that the surrogate will agree to a selective reduction but now that the time has come, wants to change her mind, or wants the IPs to change their minds.

Can the Intended Parents force anyone to terminate a fetus? No, but they can state breach of contract and depending on how things are handled, a huge conflict between all parties will ruin the surrogacy relationship. If the surrogate decides to go against her agreement the IPs will still be completely responsible for all additional babies. Yes, the Intended Parents can put any and all of their children up for adoption at birth (or at any time; they are the parents) but I have found that most will keep any offspring that the surrogate gives birth to. There are rare exceptions, as always.

I personally don’t know of any gestational carriers who are raising someone else’s child that they, themselves, carried as a surrogate. If you know of someone, I would love to post their own personal story here.

Related articles

Intended Parents: Go With Your GUT When You Are Considering a Surrogate - Surrogacy 101

Selective Reduction: Comments From a Surrogate of Triplets - Surrogacy 101

Frequently Asked Questions About Washington State Surrogacy Laws: Guest Post By Christina Park, Esquire

Managing Surrogacy Relationships: LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting Can Help You!

Come Join Me at A Family Of My Own Conference in Orlando September 7th!!

I will be speaking with several others on the topic of third party family building...This is a not to be missed FREE event! 

Let’s Talk about Making Parenthood Possible!

The Largest Family Building Event in Florida

Whether You’re Hoping for your First or Next

In One Day Discover Your Options

Sunday, September 7, 2014
9:00am – 3:00pm

The conference is returning to Orlando with an expanded schedule of the most up-to-date topics and must-know family building information. 

This FREE event will offer you an opportunity to meet many speakers, specialists and professionals in the fertility and adoption field and ask questions one-on-one.

More than 15 Educational Sessions to choose from throughout the day.  Attend as many or as few as you like!

Exhibit Hall – Attendee Specials - Giveaways!

Topics include:

What to Expect When You’re Not Expecting: Infertility Basics and Beyond

Common Infertility Concerns: Endometriosis, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), Immune Disorders

Getting Fit for Fertility: How Nutrition and Health affect Men and Women’s Fertility

Modern Family Building with Third Party Reproduction: Sperm and Egg Donation, Surrogacy

Men’s Reproductive Health

The Latest, Successful Reproductive Surgery Options for Women and Men

Financing Fertility Treatments: Know Your Insurance/Prescription Plans, Other Finance Programs, Questions to Ask

Adoption Basics and Must Ask Questions: Starting Your Adoption Journey

Adoption Options: Domestic / Open / Closed / International / Transracial and Transcultural / Foster / Social Media

Openness in Adoption: A Candid Discussion with Adoptive Parent and Birthmom

Sunday, September 7, 2014

9:00am – 3:00pm 

Westin Lake Mary

2974 International Parkway
Lake Mary, FL 32746 (map)

 

The Guy on the Street and New Tech Babies Advice from the Trenches for Parents By Patricia Irwin Johnston

Media interest in advancing reproductive technology has once again piqued the general public’s interest in the ways infertile people form their families. Parents who have used ARTs or third party assistance in building their families have several concerns to consider…

“Who should know what and when?”
“What about the jokes that aren’t funny?”
“If we want to maintain some privacy, will people assume that we are ashamed?”
“What do we do about curious strangers?”
“This is all so new that there aren’t any guidelines! Help!”

These concerns don’t seem so new to me. You see, I’m a member of a family that has expanded itself through two generations by adoption, and for adoption-built families, these questions have been a part of family life for years. And because they have, the adoption experience offers valuable guidance “from the trenches” for ART-formed families dealing with the reaction of others to how their families came to be.

One of the first concerns that new parents express is that once their child has arrived they begin to feel uncomfortable with the number of people who were told beforehand about the circumstances of the child’s conception and who now feel free to probe or share these very private issues with others– co-workers, extended family, their own children. Once information like this is out, it can’t be taken back (an important issue to consider when deciding beforehand just how much you want to tell and to whom.) You may set the wrong tone if, after having been open about your treatment alternative before the birth, you suddenly ask friends and co-workers just “not to discuss it” anymore. But you do need to help them learn sensitivity.

I do not in any way advocate keeping ARTs secret. In fact, I feel that secrecy is damaging to family systems and I don’t recommend it. What I do advocate is setting family privacy boundaries and insisting on sensitivity from others about these. IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO START.

So, for example, I take special effort to educate my family and friends about the insensitivity of their making comments like “Aren’t you people wonderful” or “Too bad you have no children of your own”, etc. regarding our family, which is built by adoption. Dave and I and other adoptive parents have worked hard to help those whose lives touch ours learn how children perceive adoption, how to use positive adoption language and imagery, and how the children’s personal histories are their private information not appropriate for dinner conversation.

In a world where marketing gimmicks have produced adopt-a-whales and adopt-a-highways, this isn’t easy, of course, but slowly and surely we have been making progress as we help our families and friends and the world beyond understand that it isn’t that we are being “hypersensitive” adults when others treat adoption lightly or ask us probing personal questions, but that we are being good parents. We know that our concrete-thinking children take these jokes and misstatements very literally and are hurt by them. I believe that families built with the assistance of IVF/GIFT or third party assistance have similar work to do.

For example, qualifiers which emphasize difference almost always reflect a negative bias on the part of those who use them. (”I was followed by a Black man.” “She’s a woman lawyer” etc.) So adoptive parents who are concerned about friends’ or family members’ tendencies to label their children (”This is my adopted niece, Jessica”) are encouraged to explain that adoption is not a label, but simply one way that children join their families.

This analogy may be helpful: Even though very often extended family or co-workers learn that a pregnancy comes as a result of a birth-control failure, they would think twice about announcing this fact to others, and they would never consider introducing a child as a “birth-control failure nephew.” This is a privacy issue, and the boundaries are clear.

In families expanded by any of the assisted reproductive technologies or quasi adoption alternatives the issue is the same. The GIFT or ZIFT or IVF or DI simply provided a means for conception. It isn’t appropriate to label children as “our test-tube triplet nieces” or “Jon and Ann’s twins–they were on fertility pills, you know.”

A question like “How much do you know about his real mother (or real father)?” to the parents of a DI- or donor egg- or surrogate-conceived child can be answered similarly to the way adoptive parents learn to deflect this highly invasive question: “As much as we need to” is straightforward and discourages further questions without being flippant. On the other hand, those who are not seeking diplomacy but prefer “zingers” which make clear that the question was not appreciated might say something like “Everything! We’ve been married for ten years!”

Jokes like “womb with a view,” are always inappropriate and should be cut off swiftly and with proper indignance even in all-adult company, but under no circumstances should parents allow jocular or derogatory remarks within earshot of their children. The best way to assure this is to begin reacting to them with firmness before children are born or while they are too young to have language.

As for new parents’ role in serving as ambassadors or advocates on behalf of their chosen method of family expansion, this must be considered carefully and weighed against a child and his family’s right to privacy.

Not everyone wishes to become an advocate. Always keep in mind that etiquette does not demand that we respond to invasive questions at all! When I work with adoption-built families about privacy issues, I try to help them understand that questions like “Are they yours?” (often asked about children who don’t look like their parents) or “Are they twins?” (when children are obviously close in age) can be handled with brief but courteous answers which don’t invite follow-ups. A pleasant “Yes, they are mine,” or “No, they’re not twins,” before strolling on will do it.

On the other hand, many of us do wish to educate the public and are looking for ways to feel comfortable as advocates. One woman, for instance, told me that she felt that as a successful GIFT patient she needed to serve as an advocate for other infertile people. Otherwise, she reasoned, how would society at large ever come to understand the need to support ARTs as a “normal” method of family building through insurance coverage. She felt it was her duty to answer fully and truthfully the questions from strangers on the street about her multiples, and yet some of the questions she got made her uncomfortable.

Adoptive parents of children who are ethnically different than their parents or two children who are very close in age have been dealing with the curiosity of strangers for years. Experienced advocates suggest that consistency is important. Since advocates often find that their children soon become very uncomfortable when their parents answer “supermarket questions” with long involved mini-courses on infertility or adoption, finding a way to educate without embarrassing children is important.

Veterans suggest this approach for would-be advocates… Clarify the questioner’s motives. Respond to queries like “Was he adopted?” or “Is this an IVF thing?” with a cool but not unpleasant “Why do you ask?”

If the answer is really “Just curious–he doesn’t look like you,” or a judgmental “They’re awfully close together” the reply might be just, “Adorable, aren’t they?” as you roll your cart on.
If, however, the response is a wistful, “My husband and I would like to adopt,” or “We’re infertile and are thinking about GIFT” a helpful approach advocates can take which respects their children’s feelings is to have something like a business card handy which includes their name and home phone number, convenient hours for calling, and perhaps the address and phone number of the local infertility or adoption support groups. These can be pulled out and offered with a sincere smile and an encouraging comment, “Please call me some evening between 7 and 9 and I’ll be very happy to help you find the information you need!” before walking on.

If the question is invasive or rude, most “veterans” feel that it should be cut off with the classic Miss Manners response, “Why would you ask such a personal question?”

The bravest among us might be able to “zing” somebody with a response like “Yes, and how about you–what position for intercourse did you and your partner use to conceive that cute baby you have there?” (I’ve always wished I could do that, but I’ve never quite had the courage!)

If you found this article provocative or enlightening, you’ll love the book from which it was excerpted…Taking Charge of Infertility.

Baby Hunting Resources...By Guest Blogger Denise Steele

Given that you are reading my blog, you have probably identified that something is amiss  with your or your partner's fertility. Whether you have suffered devastating losses or you are struggling to get pregnant altogether, let’s start to uncover the resources that will enable you to become a parent.

When I was in your shoes, I had friends and supporters who fell into two buckets. There were those who were unfortunately facing their own infertility issues at precisely the same time as me. While we were able to swap stories and uncover bits of information, I realize now that alot of misinformation was shared between us. We just didn’t have the foresight to understand that there are numerous causes for infertility and our specific cases were all quite unique and some very complex. In the other bucket, I had a sister who was able to get  pregnant by merely washing her underwear with her husband’s. Her deliveries also fell into the that’s-so-not-fair category. My niece was born a few hours after my sister’s water broke and my nephew is lucky that he wasn’t born in the car on the way to the hospital. The doctor told my sister that if she decided to have another, she should plan on wearing a net so that the next baby could make their entrance on her stroll to the hospital. She and her husband stopped at 2 though. As an aside, my sister weighed 120 lbs. at the very most when she gave birth to her children. It has always perplexed me how her deliveries were so darn easy--I thought the skinny girls always took the longest to deliver their babies. Anyway…
 
When my husband and I learned about my infertility, I was excited to figure out the adoption process and conquer that initiative. However, when it came to the egg donor process, I was not enthused about the idea whatsoever. My miscarriages were so devastating to me that I did not want to endure another pregnancy. I wanted to avoid all of the data surrounding that topic completely. 

Our approach to dividing and conquering was that my husband took ownership of the entire egg donor process and I managed the majority of the adoption details. My husband researched egg donor agencies, spent time on chat rooms and fertility blogs and interfaced with the doctors, nurses and our fertility clinic to set appointments. He even chose our egg donor agency. Of course, some participation was needed on my behalf; I showed up for the necessary doctors’ appointments, took all of the prescribed medications, and helped choose our egg donor. Looking back, I really didn’t think that I would be able to carry a pregnancy to term and deliver a live baby. Because of my mind-set, I really only wanted to focus on the area that I felt would produce a living, breathing child. My role as our adoption liaison entailed interviewing attorneys/adoption agencies and keeping us on track with the licensing process. Most importantly, I interfaced with the birth mothers who had chosen us as possible adoptive families. When we matched with Brandon’s birth mother, I fostered and nurtured that relationship. In the end, I think the time that I spent getting to know Brandon’s birth mother positively affected the outcome of our adoption.

The overall take-away here is that the process of growing your family should be a shared responsibility regardless of who bears the fertility issue, in my humble opinion. My expectation of my husband, while we were trying to become parents, was that he needed to provide assistance beyond just hiding out in the naughty room at our doctor’s office and delivering his man sample. I felt that given the physical trauma that I had endured during and after the previous miscarriages, I needed him to step up in a way that minimized my stress and anxiety. For me, his active participation was absolutely necessary so that I could emotionally move forward with the egg donor process, even though I had not bought into the fact that it would work for us.
 
I sincerely hope that you have a partner and/or network of supporters who will actively and enthusiastically participate in your path to becoming a parent. You have been through a lot (of course they have too but you win in this particular case). You should not feel guilty about leaning on them for pragmatic as well as emotional support.
 
If you need some ideas on how to direct your beloved supporters on how they may assist you during your quest to become a parent here are a few:

• Check out Fertility Success Rates. This site publishes the success rates of fertility clinics and breaks them out by practice and State.
• If you feel that adoption may be a possibility, seek out some agencies in your area. Start understanding the process Adoption Learning Partners. My husband and I went to a free adoption orientation at The Cradle, an adoption agency in a nearby suburb, on a Saturday morning. We were able to learn about the differences of going through a domestic versus an overseas adoption. We spoke to families who had adopted and it was very insightful.
• If you feel strongly about domestic adoption and want to begin the process, start developing your parent profile. Truthfully, this was the most daunting task for me. I am in marketing and advertising and am also very competitive. I wanted ours to stand out and win over every single birth mother. I asked pretty much all of our friends, doctors, and adoption specialists for feedback. The bottom line is that it should just reflect your true feelings about why you want to become a loving parent.
• Start looking at your finances and determining what budget you may be able to allocate  towards growing your family. Personally, I learned that our insurance provider/plan covered up to 4 fertility treatments. Believe it or not, in our case, our donor’s treatments were fully covered.
• Grants and aid are becoming available for those seeking fertility treatments. If you have already chosen a doctor/fertility center, you may want to inquire about their willingness to allow you to pay as you go through the process. Some may even offer assistance or programs that will lower the overall costs.
• You may not have a group of friends who is struggling with infertility. If that is the case, in addition to coming to Hope4Fertility you may also want to seek support through a licensed therapist (some fertility practices provide referrals to their patients) and/or visit sites like FertileThoughts or Parents via Egg Donation and last but certainly not least.

I just wanted to offer you a few resources to get you started. I will delve into adoption and fertility treatments separately as I continue to post. If you have specific questions about my path to becoming a mother, please feel free to email me directly!

 

(Let's not forget LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting and Infertility Answers! Two great places to gather information and support!)

Please Join Me at A Family of My Own Conference at the Wyndham Glenview Suites in Glenview, Illinois September 29th!

Do you know someone trying to have a Family of their Own? Find out how to make it possible
by joining me, Sharon LaMothe of LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting, and get all the
information you need to become a family at Family of My Own Fertility & Adoption Conference on Saturday, September 29 at the Wyndham Glenview Suites.

This is the premier event in Illinois that will bring together top medical professionals and
industry experts in one room for one day.  

Couples who are trying to start a family, but have questions, reproductive health and adoption experts will be available to answer questions on the latest advances in fertility as well as adoption. In addition, the business expo will feature
leading companies that will showcase products and services relevant to fertility and adoption. Sponsors of the event to date include aParent IVF, Fertility Centers of Illinois, InVia Fertility and Walgreens and to register for the event visit www.AFamilyofMyOwn.com

Forever Family (Working Title) A Groundbreaking New Docu-series

Over 1.2 million women in the US seek treatment each year for infertility. 

It is estimated that U.S. citizens adopt around 120,000 children each year.

Since 1976, there have been about 25,000 surrogate births in the USA and more than 250,000 babies have been born using the in vitro fertilization technique. IVF offers infertile couples a chance to have a child who is biologically related to them.

From one of the producers of Extreme Makeover “Home Edition” comes a new one hour docu-series that celebrates couples and individuals who have decided to create their family in a variety of non traditional ways.

Each week our Host, a nationally recognized celebrity who has a experienced a personal journey with adoption or  infertility will meet and interview couples and individuals, who are in various stages of creating new families utilizing one of these fast growing alternative trends of surrogacy, adoption, assisted insemination or IVF.

As the cameras document each heartwarming story, our host may also introduce our audience to other celebrities who themselves have gone through the process and want to share their passion and experience in creating their families using one of the above mentioned alternative approaches.

We are casting couples and individuals who are in various stages of creating a family using alternative means such as: surrogacy, adoption, assisted insemination and IVF.

This is a groundbreaking new docu-series, if you would like to share your story and currently live in the Southern California region, we would love meet with you.

Contact: Sherry Calhoun 818-400-9094 

A Family Apart: The Story of Fran by Guest Blogger Edward Stern

I have seen first-hand that adoption is an amazing thing. It gives a child a chance at being in a family, an opportunity they may not have had otherwise in an orphanage or bouncing between foster families. There are currently over 115,000 children and youth in foster care in the United States alone waiting for adoptive families, so we all need to do our parts to raise awareness about adoption and find loving parents to take care of these wonderful children during November, the annual National Adoption Month.

In honor of National Adoption Month, I've decided to tell the story of a very close friend who adopted a beautiful baby girl from Cambodia a little over 20 years ago. I've known Richard and his wife, Mary Ann, for years. They are wonderful, caring people. They decided to adopt a child from outside the country to do their part to give a child a chance at a better life, one outside of an orphanage and in the United States with more opportunity.

They went to Cambodia one summer and returned with a gorgeous little girl, Fran, with the best smile and laugh. I had never seen Richard and Mary Ann happier together. Their family was complete. They gave Fran their all -- any kind of lesson she wanted, always encouraging her talents and interests, always supportive, caring, and loving. Fran in turn gave them joy. They were so proud of her, and they still are today.

 But their relationship hasn't been without rough patches. Of course, Fran had trouble dealing with the fact that she didn't look like her parents. She explored her heritage as much as she could, which her parents absolutely encouraged, but during her teenage years began to withdraw from them and really envelope herself in Asian culture. Eventually, she moved out and stopped talking to her adoptive parents.

 It was painful to see Richard and Mary Ann during that time. There hadn't really been a falling out, just a decision by their daughter to cut them off in an attempt to find herself and get in touch with her roots. Like the amazing parents they are, Richard and Mary Ann stayed supportive and loving the entire time. They missed her a lot and desperately wanted her in their lives, but understood that this was something she needed to do.

 Within the last year, Fran reached out to her parents and they've been in close contact since. I even saw the three of them together a couple weeks ago for dinner. Richard told me he's just glad that Fran realizes they're not "the bad guys," and that even though they're not her birth parents, they still love her and think the world of her and want to see her succeed in whatever she chooses to do. Parenting is hard and adoption certainly brings its own unique challenges. But love and family ties always wins out amongst good people.

Edward Stern is a guest blogger for An Apple a Day and a writer on online nursing classes for the Guide to Health Education.

Traditional Surrogate: Wonderful Gift = Huge Commitment

Traditional Surrogacy is a wonderful gift. One that involves even a bigger commitment then being a Gestational Carrier. Not only are you agreeing to be an egg donor you are carrying that fetus to birth and then giving your own biological child to another couple to raise and love. Not many can do that, including myself, without having second thoughts along the way. It is so important to have ongoing psychological support throughout the entire surrogacy especially in this case. I know several Traditional Surrogates who have lied to their own extended families about what type of surrogate they were. They would claim to be Gestational Carrier so that they wouldn't hear the arguments against giving up their mother's "grandchild' or being told how horrible they were for giving their own flesh and blood away to strangers. Who wants that pressure? they ask. The Traditional Surrogates that were open about it usually have planned a close relationship with the intended parents including full disclosure 'when the time comes', visits between the two families, and ongoing e-mail and phone contact. Sometimes that does work out and other times they are disappointed.

There are quite a few agency's that stay far away from representing the Traditional Surrogacy arrangement. Some because it falls under the adoption law in their state and they do not have an adoption agency licence. Others because the TS can change her mind after the birth (just as any birth mother can)  and they don't want that possibility to happen on their watch. Although an agency can not make any guarantees, they still have stringent guidelines and requirements that helps to reassure all parties that the protocols are being followed and all parties are give added support and understanding of this delicate situation.   

 

My best advice is don't go through a traditional surrogacy alone. Have someone by your side that can assist in guiding everyone through the process. There are several Surrogacy Consultants and psychologists that are well qualified in leading the way to a very successful surrogacy arrangement.

 

Sharon is the Owner of LaMothe Services, LLC http://lamotheservices.com , an Assisted Reproductive Technology business solutions service. Sharon LaMothe has the pleasure of educating Intended Parents through support group appearances and speaking to many professional organizations such as RESOLVE, American Fertility Association, SMART ART, Fertile Dreams, and the American Association of Tissue Banks to name a few. Sharon currently guides couples and singles who need more information regarding their Third Party Family Options. 

Join Us In Celebrating National Adoption Month

November is National Adoption Month, a month set aside each year to raise awareness about the adoption of children and youth from foster care. This year's National Adoption Month initiative targets adoption professionals by focusing on ways to recruit and retain parents for the 115,000 children and youth in foster care waiting for adoptive families.

Activities and celebrations are kicked off with a Presidential Proclamation, and while efforts made at the national level certainly help build awareness of adoption, participation in local programs, events, and activities by those of us with a direct connection to adoption can often be the most effective way to promote positive perceptions, debunk the myths, and draw attention to the tens of thousands of children in foster care who wait and hope for permanent families. 

Along with the month long celebration is the very special Adoption Day. November 20, 2010, will mark the 11th National Adoption Day. It's a special day because thousands of adoptions are finalized in court rooms all across the United States.

Growing Up Black in White by Kevin D. Hofmann: A LaMothe Book Review

I found Growing Up Black in White to be a fascinating portrayal of biracial adoption starting in the 1960's and beyond. This is one son's life story from the time he was born to a white mother and black father to a few months later becoming a part of a white family already populated with two boys and a girl. Kevin D. Hofmann is open about his past experiences and, with great candour, allows his readers to peek into his life as he navigates between the world of white and black. Being dark skinned, he may have 'fit' in better with some situations but he acknowledges that his white family also had to struggle with being 'the minority' for several years while they moved from Detroit neighbourhoods to new schools in search of work and opportunities that would benefit the entire family.

Although sometimes humorous I found Growing Up Black in White more thought provoking and eye opening then anything else. Although Kevin's life story is squeezed into 168 pages, those who are considering biracial adoption or already have adopted would find his experiences worth pondering over and may even give invaluable insight regarding the raising of a child from another race.

I would like to point out that Kevin is now in his 40's and I would hope that some of the things that he and his family encountered in the 60's would now be less evident in our current society. Still, the story touches the reader and brings understanding to the nature of biracial adoption.

Adopting: Sound Choices, Strong Families by Patricia Irwin Johnston: A LaMothe Book Review

 

Adopting: Sound Choices, Strong Families by Patricia Irwin Johnston was published in 2008 and yet will remain timeless. This is a book that I would personally recommend for anyone who is wondering if adoption is even possible for their own unique circumstances.  On a personal note, my own father was adopted in 1937 and knowing how he was found and accepted into his family and some of the struggles that my grandparents had back 'in the day' helps me relate to others considering adoption. Because Pat is living what she writes about, it makes this book easier to read and understand.

 

The introduction is the first place a reader learns what they are about to encounter between the covers of this thought provoking book (don't skip this!) and then you move onto the chapters....each and every one offering a tremendous amount of information but not in an overwhelming way. If you are a heterosexual couple, single or gay and are considering adoption to build your family then this is the FIRST book you should read. From Unraveling the Challenges for Family Building to a complete overview on adoption and finally how to make sound choices that fit your expectations (think financial, taxes, age of the child, open adoption, adoption services, home studies etc.) and the 'Real Thing'. These four parts bring all the important considerations to the reader in a way that is easy to understand with Pats personal thoughtful touch regarding infertility and adoption permeating each and every chapter. I also personally love the resource section at the end of each segment! So helpful! This is also a must read for professionals in the Infertility and Family Building Field.

About Patricia Irwin Johnston: 
  

Patricia Irwin Johnston, MS, is an infertility and adoption educator and advocate with over 30 years of experience as both a volunteer (with local and national advocacy groups in the field) and as professional (publisher at Perspectives Press, Inc.) in the field of challenged family building. She is the author of several award-winning books (the most recent, Adopting: Sound Choices, Strong Families won the 2009 IPBA Benjamin Franklin Award as best self-help book) and has herself been given several awards, including being named a 2007 Angel in Adoption by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption. A member of an extended family directly touched through five generations by adoptions, Pat and her husband live in Indianapolis.

 

Unexplained Infertility Resolved for One 97 Year Old Woman

 She was 97 and having an ultrasound done for maybe the 2nd time in her life. Her granddaughter was standing next to her worried and asking the technician all kinds of questions as the tech checked to see if the fall the older woman had taken had broken any pelvic bones. Already it was determined that the left hip was broken and would need surgery.

As the wand glided over a flat abdomen the tech, seemingly speaking to herself, "Well, your uterus is really tipped". The granddaughter looked at her grandmother in surprise and then asked the technician if that would be a good reason why her grandmother (in her much younger years) couldn't become pregnant. And, of course, the answer was a resounding "Yes!" Apparently it was tipped THAT much!

So at age 97, a woman finally found out, after adopting one son, living through a couple of world wars, a man landing on the moon, welcoming three grandchildren into the world, outliving her husband, moving in with her granddaughter and losing her only son, why she never became pregnant. After years of trying and years of acceptance a mystery was solved. The wonder of the unexplained infertility was over...and a peace of mind was had.

My grandmother lived to be 100 years old and died peacefully in her sleep in 1999 while I was carrying twins as a Gestational Surrogate. She is still greatly missed by all!

Sharon LaMothe
Infertility Answers, Inc.
http://infertilityanswers.org/
LaMothe Services, LLC
http://lamotheservices.com/