Surrogacy 101

Part 3 of Egg Donation 101: Choosing Between Frozen or Fresh Donor Eggs By Guest Blogger Eran Amir

Choosing Between Frozen or Fresh Donor Eggs

Both fresh donor eggs and frozen donor eggs have specific pros and cons which you should consider:

Advantages of using fresh donor eggs

1. Better odds of live birth – IVF with fresh donor eggs has been widely researched and found effective. A national study published in the journal Obstetrics and Gynecology found that the use of fresh donor eggs in IVF has a small advantage in birth outcomes. According to the study’s lead author, Jennifer L. Eaton, M.D., “the odds of a good birth outcome were less with frozen than with fresh, but it was a small difference.” Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) also shows that, overall, 55.3% of embryo transfers from fresh donor eggs resulted in a live birth vs. 46.7% for embryo transfers from frozen donor eggs.
2. Larger number of eggs – A fresh egg donation cycle will give intended parents anywhere from ten to twenty eggs. This is ideal if you plan on having more than one child: a fresh donation cycle will likely provide you with a good number of embryos to pursue more than one pregnancy. 
3. No need for ICSI - with frozen eggs, an extra procedure known as intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI) becomes a must (which also adds to the overall cost). The freezing and thawing process makes the shell surrounding the egg hard for the sperm to penetrate on its own. ICSI bypasses this as a single sperm is injected directly into the egg. 

Caveats with fresh donor eggs

1. Longer timeline – using fresh donor eggs is a longer process: it takes time to match a donor to the recipient and then to synchronize schedules and cycles.
2. Greater cost – fresh donor egg IVF is typically more expensive than the frozen alternative: as noted by what to expect, at an average of $25,000, fresh donor eggs amount to around twice the cost of frozen eggs.
3. Potential for cancellation – donation cycles can on occasion get cancelled due to poor medication response or issues, or because of an insufficient amount of eggs obtained. Medical issues more specifically may include uterine cysts or bleeding, which can have a negative impact on implantation, preventing the cycle’s success. 

Ultimately, when it comes to choosing between fresh or frozen eggs, it all comes down to your personal situation. There is no easy answer as to which is best. Success rates can depend on each individual’s specific case, as well as the expertise of the clinic you’re working with. A doctor and the clinic can help you assess your options based on your medical history and specific circumstances.

We hope that this helped provide the information you need. And remember - the right decision is whatever feels right for you. All the best on your journey!

 

Be sure to also read parts 1 and 2 of Egg Donation 101

About Eran Amir

With more than 20 years of experience, Eran Amir has worked as both a software development and product management executive in Israel and the Greater New York Area. The development of GoStork combines his professional skill set with a personal mission. After undergoing a long, difficult, and costly process to expand his family via surrogacy and egg donation, Amir vowed to help other intended parents avoid the complexity and confusion he experienced. His passion led to the creation of GoStork, which proudly names Amir’s two-year-old daughter as its co-founder.

Part 2 of Egg Donation 101: Factors to Consider When Selecting an Egg Donor By Guest Blogger Eran Amir

Factors to consider when selecting an egg donor

Choosing your specific egg donor is one of the most personal and important decisions you’ll make. Many intended parents choose to seek the services of an egg donor agency - however, choosing which agency to work with is a big decision in itself and many intended parents go to multiple agencies before they find their perfect donor. To make the process easier, GoStork provides the largest free online database of over 10,000 egg donors from various egg donor agencies all in one place, allows you to compare egg donors side-by-side, then connect directly with the agencies of your favorites.

Egg donor profiles you review include the donor’s physical attributes, education level, medical history, as well as family history, among other elements such as ethnicity and religion. Undeniably, you are presented with a large amount of information, but in this case, the more information the better! To get started, you’ll want to decide what characteristics matter personally to you. Here is a list of criteria you’ll have to consider:

• Age – Donor must be between the ages of 21 and 30 but if you prefer one on either the younger or older end of that spectrum, that’s a valid decision
• BMI – Donors must have a healthy Body Mass Index (BMI) between 18-27, but as far as the donor’s specific weight - that may be a consideration that’s important to you.
• Medical History – Personal health history (ideally, a non-smoker, non-drug user and non-alcohol dependent, has no STDs, and is not undergoing treatment for depression or anxiety - these elements are pre-vetted and indicated for you to consider), family health history (ie. you would be looking for egg donor profiles with no family history of genetic disorders, and no significant family history of cancer).
• Reproductive history –  If applicable, you’ll see information about ‘proven fertility’ in egg donor profiles, ie. a previous successful pregnancy shows that the donor has the potential to provide healthy eggs. You may also learn that the donor has donated eggs prior that resulted in a successful pregnancy.
• Appearance – You’ll see the donor’s photos, (ideally current as well as from childhood) and - when available - videos, natural hair color, eye color, height, and, as already mentioned, you’ll see her weight. Many intended parents are interested in donors with similar physical features to themselves, while others are interested in dissimilar features. Again, these are personal decisions and any preference is valid.
• Personal Background – This can range across heritage, religion, characteristics, education, career, and even criminal record. This is obviously a wide range of criteria - so just to explore one example; a donor with a graduate degree or high test scores may be someone you’re ideally looking for - so you could, as a starting point, filter your options through the lens of your desired standard of education. Also, many intended parents look for egg donors with a similar heritage or religious background as themselves.
• Compensation: Fee can range from $8,000 to $20,000 - donors may charge more when they have proven fertility or a higher level of education, among other factors.
• Location - An egg donor close to your IVF clinic can help save you money in covering her travel costs. That said, this may not be your most important criterion - in which case it’s totally up to you to prioritize other factors over where the donor lives.

 

Next Week Part 3 Choosing Between Frozen or Fresh Donor Eggs

About Eran Amir

With more than 20 years of experience, Eran Amir has worked as both a software development and product management executive in Israel and the Greater New York Area. The development of GoStork combines his professional skill set with a personal mission. After undergoing a long, difficult, and costly process to expand his family via surrogacy and egg donation, Amir vowed to help other intended parents avoid the complexity and confusion he experienced. His passion led to the creation of GoStork, which proudly names Amir’s two-year-old daughter as its co-founder.

 

 

Part 1 Egg Donation 101 & What to Look for in an Egg Donor A Quick Overview By Guest Blogger Eran Amir

Egg donation can provide the missing link for those struggling to conceive, who want to avoid passing down a genetic disease, or for singles and gay couples who know they cannot conceive on their own. In this article, we’ll explain in more detail what the egg donation process looks like, how egg donors are screened, the factors to consider in your search for the ideal egg donor and the differences between fresh and frozen donor eggs.

The egg donation process - a quick overview

Through egg donation, a donor chosen by the intended parents provides her eggs to be transferred via IVF. Fertility clinics follow a rigorous screening process when it comes to clearing egg donors. Prior to starting the egg donation process, the egg donor undergoes a thorough medical screening to ensure that she is fit to receive the stimulation medication required (more on this below). Her egg reserve is assessed, and her medical history and family and genetic history evaluated. Blood tests are done to check for undiagnosed medical conditions or infectious diseases.

Once the egg donor is cleared by the clinic, she is prescribed hormone medications to stimulate ovulation and the production of multiple eggs. If it’s a fresh cycle, the intended mother will be prescribed estrogen and progesterone to build up the uterine lining and prepare it for implantation.

The next step is the egg retrieval and fertilization with sperm from the intended father or a sperm donor. The best embryo is transferred to the uterus using a thin catheter, a procedure known as a fresh embryo transfer (FET). The intended mother continues her medication (progesterone). If the transfer is successful, once a heartbeat is confirmed, the pregnancy progresses from there, hopefully making it successfully to term.

While there are various reasons why the use of an egg donor may be recommended, the first step is to understand if egg donation is right for you. 

Is egg donation right for you?

Deciding to grow your family via egg donation is not easy, however it may be an ideal solution if conceiving naturally isn’t possible. The first step is to consult a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) or your fertility clinic to go over your options. Egg donation may be recommended in the following scenarios:

1. Advanced age: fertility naturally diminishes with age as changes start occurring in the ovaries
2. Diminished Ovarian Reserve (DOR): when the ovaries no longer produce quality eggs in adequate numbers. This generally occurs with ageing and menopause, but genetic abnormalities, medical treatments or injury may also lead to an earlier DOR 
3. Primary Ovarian Insufficiency (POI): women naturally experience reduced fertility around 40 years old but for those with POI, this starts earlier - in some cases even as early as the teenage years
4. Absence of the ovaries: due to surgery or a congenital malformation
5. Poor oocyte quality: an oocyte is an immature egg cell. During ovulation, the oocyte matures and becomes an egg. The number of oocytes decreases with age, as does their quality 
6. Poor embryo quality: this could be due to a genetic abnormality in the egg or sperm of the male or female partner, or a genetic abnormality in the embryo
7. Prevention of genetic diseases: if the intended parent is aware of a condition that could be inherited by the baby
8. Previous IVF failure: when IVF was attempted using one’s own eggs
9. Men: who are single or in a same sex relationship need the help of donor eggs to conceive

If a medical issue is keeping you from growing your family, the news that you will need an egg donor can be difficult to take. It’s important that, if necessary, you seek support to come to terms with the news and to discuss the way forward. It’s also completely understandable that you may feel wary of using an egg donor for some time, but chances are the desire to have a baby will help you overcome your reservations and concerns. 

So, give yourself the time you need. Remember that, donor eggs or not, you will still 1,000,000% be your child’s parent. And then once you and your partner feel ready, it’s time to start searching for the ideal egg donor, one that matches all of your preferences.

Look for Part 2 Factors to consider when selecting an egg donor

About Eran Amir

With more than 20 years of experience, Eran Amir has worked as both a software development and product management executive in Israel and the Greater New York Area. The development of GoStork combines his professional skill set with a personal mission. After undergoing a long, difficult, and costly process to expand his family via surrogacy and egg donation, Amir vowed to help other intended parents avoid the complexity and confusion he experienced. His passion led to the creation of GoStork, which proudly names Amir’s two-year-old daughter as its co-founder.

Comparing: Frozen Egg Bank vs Fresh Donor Cycle - From the Family Inceptions Blog

Find your perfect Egg Donor at Family Inceptions!

Making the choice between a frozen egg cycle and a fresh egg donor cycle can feel confusing. On one hand, it would seem as though using an egg that hasn’t been frozen and thawed would have better results. But on the other hand, the doctors are telling you that frozen egg cycles are just as successful as fresh ones. So which choice is right for you? Here is a look at how these two methods differ.

Fresh Donor Cycles 
A fresh donor cycle is one that is completed in real time. Your donor will not have her medical cycle or egg extraction until after you choose her, so there will be more lead up time to get your eggs and, ultimately, to having your embryo transfer.

In a fresh donor cycle, doctors will work to stimulate your donor’s menstrual cycles with your cycle (or your surrogate’s cycle, if you’re one). The hope is that your donor’s eggs can be retrieved and fertilized just in time to be transferred directly to the uterus without having the need to be frozen. This can represent an additional amount of time between donor selection and transfer, and for some intended parents, that’s a deal killer.

While it is true that you’re less likely to lose embryos to the freezing or thawing process, the science shows that a fresh embryo transfer is not more successful, statistically than a transfer with a previously frozen embryo. So there is no disadvantage to choosing a fresh or frozen embryo transfer.

Financially, a fresh donor cycle will cost more than a frozen cycle. This is due in large part to the need to compensate your donor for her travel needs.

Finally, one perk of choosing fresh cycles is that you can freeze excess embryos. You’re more likely to wind up with more viable embryos as a result of a fresh transfer than a frozen one, which could increase the odds of a better, stronger embryo. Once you’ve selected the best embryos to transfer, you may freeze the remaining embryos for future transfers, or if all goes well, a future sibling. There will be no anxiety over finding the same donor in the future in order to ensure that future children share a biological mother and are related to each other.

Find about Frozen Cycles by clicking HERE!!

Family Inceptions looks forward to discussing these differences on the phone or in person. 

The Surrogacy Process: A Timeline by Guest Blogger Eran Amir CEO and Founder of GoStork

 

Eran Amir
CEO and Founder of GoStork

Every day can feel like an eternity when you’ve been trying to grow your family for quite some time. Now that you’re considering surrogacy, asking “How long will the process take?” is completely normal. While specific timelines vary, a typical surrogacy journey lasts anywhere from 18 to 24 months. 

The surrogacy process is this long because it involves various stages and requires input from multiple professionals. The process also depends on a number of factors that fall outside of one’s control, such as a successful embryo transfer and pregnancy. In the grand scheme of things, it’s worth the wait - as each day gets you closer to hopefully welcoming your little one.

For many intended parents researching their surrogacy journey, creating a realistic timeline in advance is really helpful. Seeing the entire process broken down into smaller, achievable steps helps you focus on each stage and know when to expect the next. With that said, let’s get into the entire surrogacy process and the stages you should expect along the way, with approximate timelines for each:

Research Phase

The decision to build your family through surrogacy is a big one. And, as with all big decisions, research goes a long way. The time you need to weigh your family building options and to address any complicated feelings you (or your partner) may be dealing with is completely personal. When you’re sure that surrogacy is the right path for you, it’s time to decide whether to enlist the help of a surrogacy agency or go ahead on your own. Here are a few articles that can help you start to think this through:

• How do surrogacy agencies help intended parents?
• How do I choose a surrogacy agency that’s right for me?
• How can I finance surrogacy?

Consultation and Application: 1-3 Months

If you decide to work with a surrogacy agency for your journey, the first step is to choose the right one for you. Here’s one place GoStork can really help you save time: we’ve researched and vetted top surrogacy agencies across the US, so you don’t have to. Rather than managing accounts with multiple agencies, you can view (and easily compare side-by-side) many different options on our platform, including all of the important information about their services offered, ratings and reviews, number of babies born, team profiles and much more. We’re also the only place where you’ll see costs published upfront, saving you the time it takes to call agencies or attend initial consultations to get them. All of this combined reduces what used to take many weeks of research into as little as a few hours.

Once decided on your top choice (or choices), you can instantly message the agency or schedule a phone consultation, where you can discuss the surrogacy process and your wishes in more detail, get to know the staff, and start building a relationship with them. It’s important that you develop a good rapport - knowing you can trust the agency, and that its staff will help you manage any difficult situations that may arise. A service agreement is signed once you’re sure the agency is right for you. 

If needed, at this stage you will also match with an egg donor and create your embryo(s).  We also have a few articles that can help you start to think this part through:

• How to choose an egg donor
• Fresh or frozen donor eggs?
• How much does egg donation cost?
• The egg donor process for gay intended parents

Matching: 3-6 Months

The agency will ask you to complete an intended parent profile, which they will present to potential gestational carriers. (As a note of clarification: a gestational carrier is a woman who carries a pregnancy for someone else but has no biological link to the fetus. When the carrier also provides the egg, she is called a surrogate. Most surrogacy arrangements today are gestational surrogacies). The agency helps to find the most ideal carrier that meets the intended parents’ requirements and then presents the match to both parties. If everyone is happy with the match, the agency facilitates a meeting (which happens over a video conference in current times or if you don’t live close to each other) where you get to learn more about each other. If everyone’s excited about taking things further, the journey can officially begin! 

The length of this stage greatly depends on the criteria you have for your gestational carrier. If you’d prefer that she is a specific age, or from a specific location, for instance, this can lengthen the process. Some intended parents reach an agreement at the very first video call - others meet with more than one gestational carrier before finding a match.

Here’s another helpful article where you can learn more about the Essential Qualifications to be a Gestational Carrier.

Medical Screening and Contracts: 1-2 Months

A number of milestones mark the next few weeks, all of which have a big impact on the overall surrogacy process. 

The gestational carrier undergoes medical and psychological screening to ensure that all is well for her to carry a child and in general to successfully complete the surrogacy process. 

During this time, you will also work with your surrogacy attorney to draw up the surrogacy contract - while the gestational carrier simultaneously works with her own lawyer. Once all points are made clear and agreed upon, both parties sign the contract - another milestone successfully reached!

Embryo Transfer: 1-1.5 Months

Once the legal agreement has been finalized, the IVF clinic provides the gestational carrier with her protocol and the required medication. She is also advised on the monitoring required ahead of the embryo transfer. 

If you already have embryos available, this stage will take an estimated 4-6 weeks. For the embryo transfer itself, many parents choose to join their carrier and experience this important moment together - if they can’t be there in person, a video call is often organized. 

While we all hope for success at first try, in reality there are instances where the transfer is not successful. In that case, you will have to wait another 6-8 weeks before a second transfer attempt. 

Following the transfer, your gestational carrier visits the local clinic for beta tests until a heartbeat is confirmed. If you’d like more background, you can learn more about the IVF process, here: A step-by-step guide of the IVF process.

Pregnancy: 9-10 Months

Congratulations! Next up is the longest stage of the surrogacy journey, but also an amazing one. A full term pregnancy takes 40 weeks, but a couple of weeks would have already passed at the point the pregnancy is confirmed. Your gestational carrier will keep you updated as the pregnancy progresses. At this stage, she’s cared for by her own OBGYN. Depending on the legal framework in your gestational carrier’s state, your attorney may be able to start the pre-birth order process around the 16th to 20th week mark. We’ll go into more detail on this in a later section. 

If you’re considering breastfeeding (or if you’re reading here first that it’s even possible to breastfeed if you don’t carry the baby), you can speak to your doctor early on in the pregnancy about inducing lactation. In this article, Candace Wohl, infertility advocate, co-writer of Our Misconception blog, and mom to two daughters born via a gestational carrier, writes about her experience of deciding and then preparing to breastfeed.

As the pregnancy progresses, it’s time to create a birth plan, book any travel as required, and prepare the hospital bag including everything you need (carseat, etc) to take the baby home. A note on car seats: all states require parents to have a car seat before leaving the hospital - some hospitals offer car seat safety classes and can also check your seat for correct installation. For international parents, the surrogacy agency can help you source a car seat and any other baby gear you may need before you travel back to your home country. You should also take the time to research, interview and choose a pediatrician. Most hospitals ask for the name of the pediatrician as soon as your gestational carrier is admitted to deliver the baby. 

Birth and the Postpartum: 1.5-3 Months

When the doctor gives the all-clear, you can head home. International parents, however, will have to stay in the state the baby was born in for a few more weeks until all paperwork is complete and the baby has a passport. 

Establishing Parental Rights

The Uniform Parentage Act provides a legal framework for establishing parent-child relationships. Under this act, the woman who gives birth to the child is presumed to be the child’s mother, both biologically and legally. Because of this, the gestational carrier (and if applicable, her husband) have to formally establish that they are not the child’s parents. 

Once your baby is born the carrier and her partner sign and relinquish any rights they may have. Your attorney submits this documentation to the court, together with other paperwork to prove the baby’s parentage.

As noted earlier, in some states, the process of establishing parental rights can start before your little one’s birth. At around the 16th and 20th week of pregnancy, your attorney starts the pre-birth order process which establishes the baby’s legal parentage.

If one of the intended parents is not genetically related to the baby, they may need to complete an adoption, or (a more straightforward) stepparent or second-parent adoption. In cases where neither intended parent is related to the baby, a full adoption or embryo adoption is required.

In Conclusion

We’ve gone over all the main elements of the surrogacy journey so you should now have a better idea of what to expect. That said, this is a general outline: surrogacy is a very human and highly personal experience, with variables that can affect the overall length of the process. Focusing on each step as it comes and remaining flexible throughout will help you stress a bit less and be at peace with the fact that there may be some unexpected situations along the way. 

About Eran Amir

With more than 20 years of experience, Eran Amir has worked as both a software development and product management executive in Israel and the Greater New York Area. The development of GoStork combines his professional skillset with a personal mission. After undergoing a long, difficult, and costly process to expand his family via surrogacy, Amir vowed to help other intended parents avoid the complexity and confusion he experienced. His passion led to the creation of GoStork, which proudly names Amir’s two-year-old daughter as its co-founder.

3 Ways to Save on IVF Costs By Guest Blogger Amanda Rondez

IVF is a multi-step laboratory procedure that helps in the successful fertilization of an egg outside of the body, mimicking natural fertilization and encouraging a normal pregnancy and childbirth to occur.

The rate of success for one cycle of IVF varies, depending on the age of the female. The average IVF patient goes through two cycles of IVF, meaning the total cost of IVF is typically between $40,000 to $60,000. Here’s a more detailed breakdown of IVF costs, including procedures and medications. 

The combination of procedure costs, medications, and multiple cycles can add up to be quite expensive. Here are three ways to manage IVF costs.

• 1. Check if your insurance covers fertility procedures

• It is important to speak to your insurance provider to discuss the specifications of your coverage as coverage for IVF costs varies greatly depending on company, state, and plan.

As of August 2020, 19 states have mandated fertility insurance laws with 13 of them including IVF coverage. Each state has different coverage, and depending on the company, an insurance plan may not be bound to fertility insurance laws.

The International Foundation of Employee Benefit Plans released results from a 2018 survey that found 31% of employers with 500 or more employees offer some form of fertility benefits. 

2. Apply to a fertility financing program

If your insurance does not fully cover the cost of IVF, there are other ways to reduce expenses. Many programs and non-profit organizations provide financial support options to those struggling with infertility.

Reproductive Medical Associates (RMA) has an extensive IVF program and fertility financing services that connect couples to a variety of different lending and payment plans. The National Infertility Association has also compiled a list of infertility financing programs.

Grants through non-profit organizations are another mode of financial support. Well-known non-profits in the infertility community include Parental Hope, BabyQuest, Cade Foundation, and Bundled Blessings. Receiving a grant is not guaranteed as there is an application process, but it doesn’t hurt to apply. 

3. Use coupons for fertility medications: 

From birth control pills to follicle-stimulating hormones such as Follistim and Gonal-F, medications are a large part of the total cost of IVF.

The first step in saving money on medications is speaking to your insurance company or referring to your plan’s drug formulary to see if the medications are covered.

If they are not covered, there are still options to reduce drug costs, such as savings cards, coupons, and patient assistance programs. You can contact the drug manufacturers and ask about coupons or patient assistance programs or search for them online. For instance, the Compassionate Care Program by EMD Serono can save eligible patients up to 75% off Gonal-F.

SingleCare is a prescription savings card that also reduces the price of many IVF medications. See a full table of IVF medication coupons here.

Amanda Rondez
singlecare.com | rxsense.com
99 High Street, Suite 2800 | Boston, MA 02110
e: arondez@rxsense.com

Thinking About Your Future Relationship With Your Surrogate or Your Donor: a Guest Post by Lisa Schuman, LCSW of The Center for Family Building

Thinking about your future relationship with your surrogate or your donor at the beginning of your journey?

The answer to this question for most people is a hard no.  When beginning the process of building a family, it is common to feel reluctant to discuss these subjects.  This is understandable as there are often many consuming stresses that take center stage. 

If the patients are a heterosexual couple, infertility or a medical problem is often the catalyst that has led them to their next steps. If they are a gay couple there are often hefty costs involved and sometimes frustration about the need to seek treatment and cope with all they need to learn. If the patient is a single person he or she may feel conflicted about parenting alone, stressed by finances and unsolicited advice. Patients are also often still feeling the sting of relinquishing the family they thought they would always have.  These experiences may only be the tip of the painful or frustrating iceberg. Given all of this, it’s no wonder why patients are hesitant to spend time thinking about what their needs may be in years to come. However, it is worthwhile, for many reasons.  I will share two in this blog.

Typically, people who use a surrogate and an egg donor, develop a relationship with their surrogate and think more about maintaining that bond then developing a relationship with their donor.  For infertile women, beginning a relationship with a donor can feel threatening or hurtful. Gay or single men may be overwhelmed by the process or not feel the need to develop the relationship with their donor.  However, it is worthwhile to think about how the children will feel. It’s true, that most children ask whose tummy they grew in but it is likely that, over the course of their lives, they will be more interested in their donor than their surrogate.  Medical questions and thoughts about inherited traits will come up through the child’s life.  The child may or may not feel strongly about searching but these issues will surface at some point.

Not everyone wants to meet their donor.  However, if the intended parents are able to connect with their donor while she is still young, and often willing, they can establish a connection that may benefit them in several ways. The donor may be willing to be contacted later but like most of us, the donor may change in decades to come and may not feel invested in connecting when she has a full life and possibly children of her own. Connecting with her early on will not only give the parents to be an opportunity to learn things about the donor that they can tell their child but can help the donor form a connection to the parents to be.  This connection may motivate her to connect with the parents or the child in later years. In my work with donor conceived children, I see over and over, how nice it is to have that information and a life book filled with anecdotes about how they came into the world.  At www.familybuilding.net we have created a life book specifically for this purpose. I also see parents to be experience memorable moments with their donors and donors who feel even more positively about their donation after meeting with the intended parents.

Frequently, intended parents also feel burdened by creating a structured weekly Skype or face time call with their surrogates.  They want the relationship to grow organically. Yet, many families experience a honeymoon period with their surrogate and this does not always last.  Very often, once the initial excitement of the positive pregnancy test wears down, everyone gets busy and it is far too easy to fall into the trap of only talking about the pregnancy.  If this happens, the relationship can feel more like a business relationship than a friendship.

It’s hard to remember that this relationship is not like falling in love. It is more like an arranged marriage and in order to develop a good foundation, all parties need time to get to know each other.  If they do, they not only have the opportunity to create a beautiful story for their child but they may shield themselves against potential problems.  Hopefully nothing will go wrong, but if something does, it is much easier to raise difficult topics with someone who feels more like a friend than a business associate.  For more information on this subject, see our video, “Surrogacy Steps: A Five Part Series to Have a Better Relationship with Your Gestational Carrier”.  Having a professional nurture your surrogate and help her can feel cared for is an incredible gift for the intended parents and the surrogate.  LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting can help all parties manage the experience and ensure issues are managed before they become problems.

Beginning the journey to have a child with third party reproduction is not easy. By the time people start their journey, they are eager to move ahead as quickly as possible.  Slowing down for a moment to ponder these issues may feel frustrating in the moment but the investment they make in the beginning can pay off in spades in the future.

 

About Lisa Schuman, LCSW: Lisa is founding Director of The Center for Family Building and Director of Mental Health Services at Reproductive Medicine Associates of Connecticut

Ms. Schuman is former Chair of the Egg Freezing Task Force for the Mental Health Professional Group of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine and is a former board member of the American Fertility Association. 

Ms. Schuman has won several awards for her research, has lectured extensively and has written numerous articles on a variety of family building subjects including LBGTQ and single parent family building.  She runs on line groups, counsels parents and parents to be and leads workshops for children who joined their families through gamete donation or adoption.

 

32 Experts Share Their Number One Tip for Intended Parents Turning to Egg Donation From MySurrogateMom.com

There are so many myths and fantasies surrounding egg donation that you probably know only a few actual facts about the egg donation process.

With its ups and downs, finding the right egg donor can be an emotional roller coaster, but it is a major milestone on the road to creating your family. You need to be ready for the challenges and prepare yourself with some basic information. This is essential for saving time, frustration, and money.

In our latest article, “Tips for Egg Donors,” we collected the best advice for women considering the egg donation process. Now we have asked 32 experts to share their number one tip for intended parents turning to egg donation. 

In this article, you will find the experts’ best tips to help you on this journey and debunk some of those myths and fantasies. Click HERE to read all the tips and advise to help you on your egg donation journey from trusted experts in the field of third party family building!

Surrogacy 101 Included in Top 10 Surrogacy Blog Contest for 2019

Thank you to everyone who took the time to vote for their favorite blogs! Surrogacy 101 took 7th place and I am happy and honored to be included in the top 10! If there is a topic you would like to see addressed in Surrogacy 101 just let me know! Many thanks to MySurrogateMom.com and David Bull for holding the contest and congratulations to my fellow participants! There are some great blogs out there offering a ton of information on surrogacy and other family building options. Click the link at the bottom of this post to see which blogs should be on your reading list!

 

The moment you understand that you will need the help of surrogacy to create the family you wish, so much can be scary and emotional. And when you start looking for information about surrogacy, you will realize that there are so many resources out there that it is natural to feel overwhelmed. Going through this by yourself can feel lonely at times, and that is normal. For this reason, we have decided to help you by researching the best surrogacy blogs and creating a list of the top ten surrogacy blogs for 2019!

 

These blogs were nominated by our readers, pre-selected based on content quality and how often they are updated, and finally ranked by your more than 3,000 votes in our contest, The Top Surrogacy Blog Awards 2019. We want to thank all of you for your participation in the process, from the initial nominations to the vote.

 

Before announcing the top 10 surrogacy blogs, remember that education is fundamental when pursuing surrogacy; the more you know, the better prepared you will be for what lies ahead. Research, read, learn, and ask!

 

And now click here for  the Ultimate List of Top Ten Surrogacy Blogs!

 

 

 

Selecting a Qualified Escrow Fund Management Provider for Your Surrogacy or Egg Donor Journey a Guest Post by Denise Steele of SeedTrust Escrow Services

Third-party fertility escrow cases are complex and parents invest a great deal throughout them. While deciding which escrow fund management company is right for you, inquire about the organization’s qualifications pertaining to third-party fertility. It’s your money and you have every right to know the level of expertise your provider has in the field. Security, transparency, and minimizing your risk are the main considerations when deciding which company is the most qualified to manage your investment throughout your journey.

How secure is my money, my data and my information?

The level of protection your escrow fund manager holds in bonds and insurance is the very first question you should address when considering your options. Ask for the dollar amounts for which the company is secured. Also, inquire about the provider’s technology security and encryption levels. If they offer an online platform, HIPAA compliance is paramount since personal information will be required when paying medical bills.

Is my ledger information fully transparent and in real-time?

Third-party journeys can take many months and even years. Payment requests come from many sources including your surrogate, agency, insurance providers, the fertility clinic, attorneys and other payees. Having access to your full ledger anytime you wish is not just a nice-to-have but a need-to-have. The transparency gives you the control you deserve throughout this process. 

Is it a good idea for my attorney or agency to hold my escrow?

Many agencies and attorneys are willing to hold escrow for their clients. There’s an inherent risk in them do so, however. If an escrow issue arises, only an independent and qualified escrow company can protect all of the parties in the relationship. The escrow company doesn’t draft the direct agreement; they are acting as a second set of eyes and adhere to what the parties agreed to in the contract. 

Have I chosen a fair and affordable provider?

Like anything else in third-party fertility, escrow fund pricing models vary. There’s a big difference in fund holding versus fund management. For surrogacy, fund management is where intended parents, surrogates and even agencies will receive the most protection. The ideal scenario is to work with an escrow provider that charges a 1-time fee, regardless if they are holding funds or managing your escrow. Ask the provider if they charge additional fees. Specifically, do they charge extra for rematches, cutting checks or wiring funds? Do they charge annual fees? Fully understand a provider’s pricing model before you agree to have it either hold or manage your escrow.

Partnering with an escrow fund management company that will protect you, your surrogate and your agency throughout the process will minimize everyone’s stress. Having the confidence that you’ve chosen the most qualified and transparent escrow fund management partner will allow you to focus on the details that matter most throughout your family building process.

 

Denise Steele

ART Escrow Consultant

Mom via Third-Party Fertility & Adoption

Mobile: 312-404-6604

www.SeedTrustEscrow.com

Becoming a Gestational Surrogate or an Egg Donor: Benefits of Working with an Agency - From the Family Inceptions Blog

I just can't believe it's March already!! The hope of spring is in the air and before you know it we'll be seeing the first crocuses blooming!

Today I think we should focus on those exceptional human beings that are considering becoming an egg donor and/or gestational surrogate, and the benefits of working with an agency.

If you are a fan of Pinterest, you can easily scan through a wide variety of pictures and posts of do-it-yourself projects. An endless amount of advice exists from everything to growing your own vegetable garden to homeschooling your children to attempting makeup contour or getting the perfect ponytail.

However, when it comes to matters of fertility and family building, the DIY route may result in undue amounts of stress and frustration. Going through a reputable agency will ensure that all parties involved are protected from scams (which unfortunately, does happen) or from being matched with an unreliable donor or surrogate.

When you are the kind of amazing and thoughtful woman considering being an egg donor or gestational surrogate, you deserve to be well taken care of. Going through an agency has many benefits with no adverse side effects. Not only will you be treated with courtesy and respect, but you will be provided with important information that you may not get from a search on Google or scanning a random website. You will also receive guidance, counseling, answers to all your individual and specific questions throughout the entire process, as well as professional legal assistance.

When you work with Family Inceptions, both you and the intended parents will sign a binding contract to ensure that all parties are protected, legally and financially. It takes a dedicated, generous individual to commit to donating eggs or becoming a surrogate mother. The process is incredibly rewarding, but is not without its challenges. A reputable agency will ensure that you understand these challenges before you begin and support you along the way.

Look at it this way: If you are not a trained financial adviser, would you be comfortable fixing a complicated tax situation by yourself? The same concept applies to fertility. This is a huge and life changing undertaking. You will benefit greatly from going through a trustworthy agency when it comes to finding or being an egg donor or gestational surrogate, and you can rest easy knowing that your case will be handled professionally and responsibly.

Ready to take the first step towards helping create a life? Please fill out this form or call 844-404-BABY.

Are You An Ideal Egg Donor? From the Family Inceptions Blog

Become a Family Inceptions Egg Donor TODAY!

Five Things That Will Make You an Ideal Egg Donor
Becoming an egg donor is a big decision! It’s a choice that will benefit you significantly in exchange for a minimal amount of our time, while also changing the world for a family in need.

Perhaps the biggest part of becoming an egg donor is meeting the requirements.
In general, these include:

• Being between the ages of 18-30,
• Be a non-smoker,
• Be drug-free,
• Be generally healthy,
• Have a BMI of 28 or below,
• Have regular periods,
• Not on Depo-Provera birth control,
• Willing to undergo physical, psychological, and medical screenings,
• And be willing to be available for 3-6 months.

Pretty simple, right? So if those are the baseline requirements for any egg donor, what makes a GREAT egg donor? Here are our top five attributes that will make you an elite egg donor.

1. You’re Flexible
Being an egg donor means a lot of short-term notice. Once you’re ready to enter our database, you could be selected at any time. For some donors, selection can happen right away. For others, there could be weeks or months spent waiting. Once selected, however, you’ll need to have flexible availability that lines up with the intended parent's timeline. Having fewer blackout dates makes you a better candidate.

2. You’re Responsible
Part of your egg donation journey includes making and keeping a series of doctors’ appointments. It is important for your health, as well as for the health of the eggs that you will be donating, that you’re consistent and reliable about keeping these appointments. In addition, it’s important to take your medication at the same time every day. This can greatly impact your entire process, so it’s crucial that you’re dependable in your journey.

3. You Have Integrity
And by this, we mean that you need to be an honest, trustworthy person. Intended parents are putting a lot of faith and trust in your actions. The future of their family begins with you. Being a woman of integrity, a woman with high moral standards will make you an exceptional egg donor. You’ve been entrusted with a great responsibility as an egg donor, and it’s important to recognize that.

Read the rest of this article and get started on your life empowering journey today, by clicking here.

If this post describes you click here and the link will bring you to the Egg Donation section of our Family Inceptions website!

Family Inceptions; The First Full Service Surrogacy Agency in Washington State! From the Family Inceptions Blog

Please visit our About US page on Family Inceptions to learn about the rest of our growing team!

Family Inceptions is excited to always be growing. First launched as a way to provide surrogacy services to the South East in 2008, founder and CEO Eloise Drane has evolved and grown Family Inceptions into an international business. Now, a decade into changing the world one family at a time, Family Inceptions is excited to share that 2019 may just be our biggest year yet!

On top of relocating to a new office location in Georgia – where this all began− FI is excited to share with you that we will now have a strong west coast presence, as well. With the opening of a new home base in 2018, near Seattle, Washington, Family Inceptions is making strides forward in providing excellent customer service on both coasts.

Our Washington presence is spearheaded by Sharon LaMothe. Like Eloise, Sharon is a past two-time surrogate. After delivering TWO sets of twins for intended parents, Sharon decided to follow her passion into the assisted reproduction field. In 2003, Sharon opened up the doors of her own surrogacy agency, “Surrogacy Consultants of Florida.” It was this agency that inspired Eloise, and eventually, it was Sharon who would mentor and guide Eloise as she founded Family Inceptions.

Sharon is very involved in the assisted reproduction community, serving on many boards and speaking with authority to many of the most well-known names in the ART field. She played an active role in the Washington Parentage Act that made compensated surrogacy agreements legal in Washington State and has also participated on many boards including:
• Fertility Within Reach,
• Fertile Action,
• OBGYN.net,
• The Pregnancy Corner,
• AFOMO, and
• Parents via Egg Donation

Sharon is an avid surrogacy blogger and currently a member of the ASRM and Seattle Tacoma Area Reproductive Society (STARS). Sharon has spoken on surrogacy to major national organizations including RESOLVE, ASRM, American Fertility Association, SMART ART, START ART, Fertile Dreams, AATB, Microsoft, and was recently invited to speak on Surrogacy in the USA in Beijing and Inner Mongolia.

Sharon joins Family Inceptions as our COO and is looking forward to growing our West Coast presence.

Sharon will be joined in the Evergreen State by Mandy Storer. Also a two-time surrogate, Mandy has a background in marketing, broadcasting, and public relations. Another surrogacy blogger, Mandy’s story caught worldwide attention back in 2013. She joined the assisted reproduction field in 2014 and has been invited to speak about her experiences both domestically and internationally. Passionate about the matching process and the surrogate experience, Mandy will be lending her wordsmith services to Family Inceptions as she joins us in the capacity of Communications & Events Manager.

Sharon and Mandy are excited to meet the women of Washington! If you’re interested in learning about surrogacy or if you think you may be a great candidate, click here to contact us. We can set up an in person meeting and walk you through our Family Inceptions program. 

Surrogacy 101 Blog in Feedspot Top 50 Surrogacy Blogs

I received this message yesterday: 

"My name is Anuj Agarwal. I'm Founder of Feedspot.

I would like to personally congratulate you as your blog Surrogacy 101 has been selected by our panelist as one of the Top 50 Surrogacy Blogs on the web. 

http://blog.feedspot.com/surrogacy_blogs/

 

I personally give you a high-five and want to thank you for your contribution to this world. This is the most comprehensive list of Top 50 Surrogacy Blogs on the internet and I’m honored to have you as part of this!"

 

It's always nice to be validated and acknowledged and making the top 50 on the Internet for Surrogacy is pretty awesome! I hope that my dear readers also feel that the information found on Surrogacy 101 is helpful and easy to understand! I appreciate your continued support!

 

 Thank you!

Sharon LaMothe

LaMothe Services, LLC

http://LaMotheServices.com

LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting

http://LaMotheSurrogacyConsulting.com

InfertilityAnswers

http://InfertilityAnswers.org

What Surrogates and Egg Donors Need to Know About Tax Season! by Chrissy Hanisco, Esq., The Stein Law Firm, PLLC

It is income tax season; the April 15^th filing deadline is less than two months away. Many people have already filed and may even have spent their return at one of the many Valentine's Day, President’s Day, or just because sales already.

If you were a surrogate or an egg donor in 2016 and received compensation you need to be aware of your obligation to report the compensation as gross income. I have heard many donors and carriers state that the compensation was for “pain and suffering” or that they did not receive a 1099, so they do not have to claim the money as income. This is not correct. The 2015 case of Perez v. Commissioner, 144 T.C. 4 (2015), made it clear that an egg donor is required to report the compensation she received for the egg donation process. The Court made this ruling even though the contracts Perez signed with both the agency and the intended parents specifically stated that she was not being paid for her eggs and that the donor fee was for her “time, effort, inconvenience, pain and suffering.” In reaching this conclusion the Court found that in order for income to be tax-free due to “pain and suffering” that it had to be the result of damages arising out of an injury (a tort). The Court further stated that Perez’s physical pain was a voluntary act; “a byproduct of performing a service contract, and…not to compensate her for some unwanted invasion against her bodily integrity.”

Although there is not a specific case at this time relative to gestational carriers or surrogates, the analysis is likely to be the same. Like egg donors surrogates enter into contracts with agencies and intended parents about the service they will provide. Like egg donors surrogates undergo medical procedures as part of that agreement. If a pregnancy results, the pregnancy itself may be difficult and involve additional medical procedures, but even under the best of circumstances pregnancy is rarely comfortable. Many surrogates argue they should not have to pay an income tax on the money they receive for compensation of their services due to “pain and suffering.” Reading the Perez case it is easy to see why this argument would likely fail if an individual was audited.

As a result of the Perez case more agencies than before are issuing 1099 forms to surrogates and egg donors. However, it is important to remember that receiving a 1099 does not trigger the obligation to report income; receiving income triggers the obligation. I recommend that anyone who was a surrogate or an egg donor consult with a tax professional and suggest that you share a copy of Perez with that professional. If you are planning to be a donor or surrogate you may also want to consult with a tax professional in advance of negotiating your compensation, so that you may plan for what could be a significant tax liability.

Chrissy Hanisco is an attorney who practices in New Hampshire and Massachusetts with a focus on third party assisted reproductive law and adoption. Chrissy’s entire legal career has been focused on assisting others in difficult situations. After personally battling infertility she decided to use her legal skills to help others build their families. She is an active member of RESOLVE New England, the American Bar Association’s Assisted Reproductive Technologies Committee, and Parents Via Egg Donation. Locally, she is a Board member of Capital Region Mothers of Multiples. She lives in Concord, New Hampshire with her partner, their twin fraternal boys, her stepson, and their faithful, yet slightly neurotic Labrador retriever, Luke. The Stein Law Firm, PLLC

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LaMothe Services Can Help You with Your Assisted Reproductive Business in 2017

How can LaMothe Services help you and your business thrive? 

Small and large Assisted Reproductive Technology businesses alike understand how outsourcing can help transform their public relations, customer service, networking and marketing processes. LaMothe Services will expose your company to new business practices that can prove to be more profitable for your business and gain access to state-of-the-art technology at substantially lower costs. Our industry experience, broad capabilities and deep alliances mean we can help you maximize these opportunities. Let us help you find your purpose in the Third Party Family Building arena! 

 

LaMothe Services will provide you with the resources to optimize every opportunity.

 

LaMothe Services also provides Coaching, Mentorship, Training, Seminars, Staff Education, and Public Speaking events in the area of Third Party Reproduction, namely Surrogacy and Egg Donation. Our background and expertise will provide your staff with the development and training resources and the results are that your employees will be more motivated, focused, organized and realize results! 

 

At LaMothe Services our highest priority is satisfied customers. We are proud to serve you and work hard to earn your business. Call 727-458-8333 to schedule your free personal 40 minute consultation. There's no obligation, only opportunity.

 

Winter Special!

Calling all entrepreneurs! LaMothe Services is offering a 2017 WINTER Special that will have you running your own Surrogacy Agency before you know it!  

 

Are you interested in owning and operating your own Surrogacy Agency but don't know where to start? Do you live in a surrogacy friendly state? Have you been entertaining the idea of becoming your own boss? Are you a 'people person' and have knowledge of the third party family building field? (Past Surrogate, Intended Parent or other A.R.T Professional) Do you believe that 2017 is YOUR year to take control of your own career path? If the answers are a resounding YES to all these questions then LaMothe Services, LLC can help you formulate a plan and assist you in building your business to it's full potential. E-mail [email protected] to set up your free 40 minute consult and learn more about our WINTER SPECIAL! Or visit the LaMothe Services website for more details!

Mistake Number Fourteen of the Top 14 Mistakes Not to Make for Traditional Surrogates and Gestational Carriers: Thinking That the Surrogacy Process will be Fast and Easy

 

Here we are, Finally! Number 14 is a mistake that all surrogates/carriers tend to make at one time or the other. (This should include Intended Parents.) The Surrogacy process is full of hoops to jump through and often takes well over a year to complete and that is if all goes well with the first IVF attempt. Read below for some of the most common misconceptions. Your thoughts and comments are always welcomed!

(Illustration copyright Tsipora Ivry 2009
www.ellyteman.com )

 

 Mistake #14-Thinking that the surrogacy process will be fast and easy

 

This is one of the most common phrases that I hear day in and day out from women who would like to be surrogates or carriers.

 

"I get pregnant just by my husband looking at me"

"I just think about wanting a baby and the next thing I know, I'm pregnant"

"I have never had any morning sickness and am so happy being pregnant"

 

Needless to say there is SO much more involved to surrogacy that I can't fit it all into this one post. Here are just a few:

 

*You must find a match with like minded Intended Parents

*You have to pass all of the Intended Parents clinics' medical and mental health evaluation requirements such as age, BMI, physical health, and be mentally and emotionally prepared (to name a few)

*You must have a legal contract in place

*IUI's must take place at a certain time in your cycle (Traditional Surrogacy)

*It may take several months of IUI before pregnancy (if you get pregnant at all)

*For IVF  you must cycle with your Intended Mother or the Egg Donor

*You will have to take medications (shots, pills, suppositories)

*You will have to have an embryo transfer

*You may not get pregnant the first time

*You may have to go through 2 or 3 embryo transfers

*You may never get pregnant with this method, this RE or this clinic or these Intended Parents

*If you do get pregnant you will be with your clinic 10-12 weeks

*You have the rest of your pregnancy to go through before you give birth to a baby or babies that will hopefully be close to term. 

 

You see...its not an easy thing which is why YOU are needed...why YOU are special because WHO ELSE but YOU would go through all of THIS for someone else?

 

Additional questions? Check out LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting http://www.lamothesurrogacyconsulting.com Save $150.00 with our fall consulting special!

 

 

 

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Moving On From IVF to Ovum Donation by Guest Blogger Helen Adrienne, LCSW, BCD

By now your hair must stand on end at the sound of the phrase “failed IVF.”  It’s loaded.  Not only were your hopes dashed, but if you’re normal, your mind automatically goes to the larger meaning of the word failed as if it represents all of who you are.  This is true especially if there has been more than one assisted reproductive attempt that has left you in a heap of depression and anxiety.

If you are reading this you might be starting to open your mind to ovum donation.  Moving on to this option requires a new emotional talent.  This time, not only is it necessary to grieve the loss of a potential pregnancy, but the hole in your heart yawns wider as you seek to find a way to grieve the loss of a biological connection to the baby that you will carry by going the ovum donation route to parenthood.

It takes time to clear the decks and locate the well of resilience needed for this seemingly never-ending challenge to enlarge your family.  Grieving has its own tempo that needs to be respected.  You may be sick of grieving, but it is a healthy part of opening your heart to a new reality.

Letting go of a dream does not mean developing amnesia.  It is important to know that as you put your attempt(s) to create a genetically related child behind you, it will remain a part of your history that cannot be “un-had.”  But that does not mean that you will stay stuck in the immediate pain of the loss(es).  If you realize that you will have random times of sadness, less so as time goes by, then you can feel that sadness when it arises and acknowledge it without drowning in it.

How can you stretch your mind to the idea of a child that may not look like you?  Some people cannot.  In my experience these are people who feel trapped in a fear of judgment from their parents or society, or trapped in an unwillingness see a reflection of someone other than themselves.  Others are more at ease with adoption because one or both partners prefer a “level playing field”—an “either both of our genes, or none” attitude. 

Next comes wrapping your brain around the genetic reality of your child via the ‘gift’ (yes, a gift even though you pay for it) of an ovum.  Will a baby that comes to you by what may feel like science fiction feel unnatural?  In other words, how will you feel going this route?  And what will you tell the child; how will your child feel? 

To best answer these questions and other concerns, I refer you to the article below that was written two years ago by my daughter, Kim, mother to my three ovum-donation granddaughters.  Jaden is now 13 ½   and her twin sisters, Macy and Reese are 12.  You can get a window into how you might feel with the uncertainties that may need to be metabolized and the obstacles that your mind may be cooking up. 

 This is not a sales pitch.  Only you can soul-search and arrive at the decision that is right for you as a couple.  But meanwhile, the scales may tip if favor of ovum donation if you listen to someone who has been where you are.  Get set for a dose of Kim’s humor in the bargain. Kim writes…

What happened when we had THAT conversation…

I have 3 daughters via egg donation, an 11& 1/2 year old and twins who are almost 10.  I have always believed that my children should be aware of how they came into this world. I never wanted them to remember being told that they were conceived via egg donation, I wanted them to feel as if this information was something they always knew, like how you always know your parents love you and how you always know that the sun will come up in the morning and set at night. When my girls were younger, especially when a friend or relative was pregnant, and the inevitable “where do babies come from?” question arose, I always told them simply that when a mommy and daddy want to have a baby they get together and love each other very much and the mommy gets pregnant. Sometime they need help. Mommy and Daddy needed help and a doctor and a very nice lady helped us out so that we could have you. As they got a little older this progressed to telling them that the lady gave us a “cell” so that we could get pregnant. However, I always knew I would eventually have to give more information, and that eventuality inevitably arrived.

Last year when Jaden, who is very physically mature, was about to enter 5th grade, the time came for the class to watch “the movie.”  I told her that I wanted to be the one to tell her what she would need to know before she saw the movie. I tried to separate the puberty/period conversation from the sex conversation. At the end of what I though was a great conversation I asked, “Do you have any questions?”  She said “Yeah, when are you going to tell me about THE SEX?” And so it began. I explained intercourse and how you make a baby. This was the first time I used the words egg and sperm, and explained that mommy and daddy had used an egg donor. She took it all in stride (as well as an 11 year old can). I wasn’t quite sure she understood the magnitude of the conversation, but she seemed satisfied. I had a cocktail and called it a night.

Fast forward one year. Sitting at the dinner table and I guess because my husband was not at dinner that night, Jaden says “Mom – I think you should tell the girls about what they are going to see in the movie next year.” I paused, waiting, hoping that the two little ones didn’t hear her. Then she says, “Wait, I’ll tell them!” She then proceeds to say: “So girls, the PENUS goes into the BAGINA and SPERUM comes out and makes a baby!” Now my twins, while the best of friends, with many similar interests, are very different.  Macy is more interested in boys, more interested in her body and learning about sexual things, and very easy going. She worries about very little.  Reese, on the other hand, is very physical, always doing back bends and cartwheels and flips (everywhere) and is also very anxiety prone. She is also my most honest child. She tells me EVERYTHING, for which I am very grateful, especially since Macy is very sneaky!

So I proceeded to tell them the real story about sex. How it works, how a baby is made –   everything. During the conversation, Jaden is piping in her two cents. Macy is sitting close to me, wide eyed, very attentive, taking it all in. Reese’s anxiety is elevating before my eyes, as exhibited by the back bends, leg extensions, and cartwheels she is doing around the kitchen table where we were all sitting. So this is the first time I have used “egg” and “sperm” in a conversation with Macy and Reese and the first time that I have very clearly told all three that the very nice lady I have been talking about all of these years actually gave us several eggs and that is how I was able to become pregnant.  And this is the first time I heard the question I have been dreading for 12 years: “So wait a minute, you are not actually our mom!?!?”

I have to say, the dagger through my heart that I have anticipated for 12 years did not cut as sharply as I had thought it would.  And here is why.  I explained that while this very nice lady (whom we lovingly refer to as Mrs. X) gave us cells/eggs, it was mixed with daddy’s sperm and put inside of me and that I was pregnant with all of them and I got to nurture all of them since the moment of conception (well 5 days after conception, but who is counting?).  And that I got to give birth to all of them. I have raised them since the day they were born, and that I know that they are all 100% my children.  And while they may not look like me, they all have pieces of my soul in them. That my blood ran through their little developing bodies while I was pregnant, and that I have put my heart and soul and every ounce of love I have into raising them since the day they were born.

Jaden responded to this explanation with a look of content and understanding, although I’m sure I saw behind her eyes a glimmer of: “okay – I’ll hold on to this for use at a future date when you really piss me off…”  Macy sort of dismissed the sappiness of the conversation and while I know she heard me and understood the magnitude of what I was saying, she responded by asking if there was a video she could watch to learn how to do THE SEX correctly.  I quickly told her no, because I was not yet ready for the porn conversation.  I’m sure she’ll google that on her iPad soon enough!  (Now you are about to understand why I am so grateful for Reese’s honesty.)  Reese, who had been quiet for most of the latter part of the conversation, albeit twisting her body into all sorts of various contortions, spoke up. She said: “I do not care what anyone says, YOU ARE MY MOM, 100%!”  I agreed and smiled, more in my heart than my face, and with that the conversation ended and the dinner table quickly emptied and we resumed our normal busy, crazy, chaotic life. And I would have it no other way!  

*****

Perhaps this offering by my daughter will be a source of information that can contribute to achieving clarity; information is notorious as an anxiety-reducer.  Here’s more information that may contribute you reducing your anxiety:

Many years ago, one of my friends adopted a daughter.  As the years went by, I became more and more amazed—stunned even at times—at how alike mother and daughter were.  Since genetics played no part, it was clear that environment was exercising a huge influence on the child’s development. 

Similar to adoption, and at the risk of sounding simplistic, the environmental influence on the ovum donation child's life through the love and security and values provided in the environment figure in large.  Really large.  

But different from adoption, the phenomenon of epigenetic modification is an additional and potent influence.  The word epigenetics comes from the Greek, the prefix “epi” meaning over or above genetics. 

A baby conceived using a donor egg gets his/her genes from the donor; she gets the “instructions” on the expression of those genes from the woman who carries him/her to term.  The uterus is more than an oven in which the baby is cooked.  The most important aspect of all pregnancies – including egg donation pregnancies - is that your future child is literally fabricated and influenced in and by the mother’s body.  The uterine lining becomes the placenta through which protein, sugars, calcium, nitrates, and fluids from the mother’s body go into the growth of the child.  In addition, the birth mother influences how the child’s genetics are expressed.   

So my daughter had it right.  Respect your child’s right to know the genetic story.  Love your child with your whole heart and soul, because genetics and parenting are not the same.  And remember, those who have genetic children are not exempt from needing to face the many trials and tribulations of parenthood.

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Egg Donors~ You Have Been Chosen! What Next?

I am sure you have read through egg donation data bases even if it was only the one where your own profile was posted. Pages and pages of other young women also wanting to donate their eggs to help intended parents become the family of their dreams. Each young woman, healthy and well educated, waiting to be chosen by the IP’s meant just for her.

And you were chosen! But what does this really mean? If you did your research then you understand what the Intended Parents had to go through just to get to the point of needing an egg donor. All of the heartache of loss, testing and then, finally, making the ultimate decision: agreeing to find an egg donor. No easy task for someone who probably believed most of her life that she would use her own eggs and have a child of her own genetics. Or perhaps the couple is gay and they have been waiting years to be able to afford egg donation and surrogacy. It’s a huge responsibility and takes a lot of dedication to this process on your part.

Once you have agreed to donate to your Intended Parents and sign the agreement all of the hopes and dreams for your IPs are resting on your shoulders. (No Pressure!) But really, they are living and breathing for updates on you and your progress. The clinic often e-mails or calls with news of what they have you doing next…whether it’s starting your pills or taking your HCG shot…or counting your follicles, your Intended Parents are connected with your cycle and with YOU even if you’ve never meet!

So what does all of this mean to you? It means that following the medical protocol is of utmost important. Taking care of yourself and watching what you eat and drink is mandatory. Making sure you are not breathing in second hand smoke or overly tired or stressed is crucial to a successful donation and, really, to the success of your recovery.  

Remember that you are sharing a gift that Intended Parents will be forever grateful for and your dedication will never be forgotten!

Early Is Best-Starting the Conversation About How Your Family Was Made via Surrogacy or Donation

With egg and sperm donation, parents have the extra concern of what to tell their child regarding where they came from. This is not a simple birds and bees conversation yet it can be as simple as that. Parents often have unfounded fears that their child will reject them if they know the 'truth'.

Although there are papers, articles and books on this topic, in this post I would like to keep it as simple as possible. First and foremost accept yourself as your child’s parent! You are rising, nurturing, loving a human being whom you helped create. No little thought went into this very life changing decision. Acknowledge that you are the reason that your child even exists!

Secondly, remember that parents read books to their children starting at a very young age. When you chose your books like “I Love You This Much” or “Goodnight Moon” add in a couple of children’s books on egg donation such as “One More Giraffe” by Kim Noble or “Mom and Dad and the Journey They Had” by Molly Summer. Books like these will prepare your young child for future questions and answers regarding his or her origins. Talking about how different families are made and how what really matters, at the end of the day, is that children are loved and wanted. Reading books can set the ground work for honest communication as your child grows.

Third, I suggest that if you have fears that you can not seem to put to rest, contact a mental health professional in the field of third party reproduction. You will find several who help you find the words you need to explain to your child or children how they were created AND how much you love them.

If you have ever had a conversation with your child about surrogacy,  egg or sperm donation and would like to share it with our readers please contact us with your story! Many Intended Parents would benefit from hearing your thoughts and suggestions!

Want to Have a Baby One Day? Be Careful Who You Vote for This Election By Guest Blogger Stephanie Levich

An astounding 1 in 8 American couples will experience problems having children during their lifetimes, making infertility one of America’s greatest unsung medical epidemics. Unfortunately, the vast array of drugs and procedures available to help couples with fertility issues, including inseminations and homeopathic remedies, do not always work.

There is, however, a treatment that does work: in vitro fertilization (IVF). During my close to 15 years as a fertility consultant and through my own personal experience with IVF, I have discovered IVF to be a veritable miracle technique, enabling thousands of people, myself included, to overcome the heart wrenching diagnosis of infertility.

Imagine for a moment eagerly trying to start your family only to learn that you are a 1 in 8 and the only way for you to have a biological child of your own is through IVF. I was faced with this exact reality. Fortunately, we live in a time where options like IVF are available. But here's the scary reality: one of our presidential candidates is lobbying to end the existence of IVF. As someone who, not only helps clients have children through IVF, but is also a parent because of IVF, I take this very personally.

Ted Cruz released a chilling video last week which zealously showed his support for fetal "personhood" where zygotes would be considered legal "persons" and would therefore be granted full protection by the U.S. Constitution. “I enthusiastically support that resolution and, as president of the United States" he asserts, "I pledge to you that I will do everything within my power to end the scourge of abortion once and for all, that I will use the full constitutional power and the bully pulpit of the presidency to promote a culture of life, that I will sign any legislation put on my desk to defend the least of these, including legislation that defends the rights of all persons, without exception other than the life of the mother from conception to natural death."

Cruz, like others in his party, grounds his opinion in a conservative, theological belief that human life begins at conception. But the implications of these beliefs for those needing to undergo the IVF process to have a family are alarming. In an IVF cycle, numerous eggs are retrieved with the hope that a good number of healthy embryos will be created. Generally, any embryos that are not transferred are frozen. By granting full constitutional rights to embryos, fertility doctors would not be permitted to retrieve more than one or two eggs per IVF cycle. This would not only decrease success rates significantly, but would also make an already expensive process more cost prohibitive to patients because they would be required to undergo multiple retrieval procedures. Patients would also be subjected to increased medical risks for each egg retrieval they would be required to undergo.

Thankfully, the picture is much brighter on the democratic side. Hillary Clinton embraces the widespread belief shared by most fertility professionals, that human life begins at fetal viability or birth. In 2015, while responding to the nationwide firestorm surrounding abortion rights and employer-financed contraception, Clinton remarked that, “deep-seated cultural codes, religious beliefs and structural biases have to be changed” so as to grant women proper access to “reproductive health care.”

Unlike other national politicians, Clinton seems to view access to family planning methods within the larger context of women’s rights. In an extensive interview she gave last year to The Des Moines Register, Clinton noted that, “The Republicans have made it clear in recent years that they are not only opposed to abortion, which they have been for quite some time, they are increasingly opposed to family planning and contraception. This is a direct assault on a woman’s right to choose health care.”

For Clinton, access to family planning methods is a matter of personal freedom. As not only a fertility consultant, but also a grateful parent thanks to IVF, I couldn't agree more. IVF allows people to experience the joy of parenthood. All Americans, especially any American with hopes of starting a family one day, should bring their fertility concerns to the voting booth, demanding that politicians not only get behind but also protect this miracle technology.

 

 

Stephanie Levich is the Founder of Family Match Consulting, LLC,which assists clients in finding their perfect egg donor and surrogate candidates. Stephanie has been named one of America’s Top Entrepreneurs Under the age of 30 by Inc. Magazine and has been featured in various publications including Valley Life, and ForbesWoman. She is very grateful for the miracle of IVF which helped bring her to her very proudest accomplishments: her two beautiful children.

 

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Are Surrogate's "Playing God? Just My Thoughts...

 

 

 

How many times have you heard as a surrogate that "you are playing God!"? The common phrase here is "Basically, if God wanted Intended Parents to have children they would get pregnant on their own. If that wasn't a possibility then they, the Intended Parents, should adopt." 'Surrogacy' is preventing them from looking at adoption as an option by a woman offering a healthy body to carry their child. Some child out there would be homeless because of surrogacy! A stunning conclusion, I know. And comments like that may make a person pause and think...but often it will not change minds. 

 

     So here are some of my views on the GOD issue. Surrogates are not playing God. Egg Donors are not preventing adoptions from taking place. Reproductive Endocrinologists and Embryologists are NOT pretending to be God. We are all using the gifts that said God gave us. We are using our brains and our bodies to make and give life. And if you are really REALLY religious,  are we not making another follower of God? A Catholic? Baptist? Jew? Methodist? add your religion here_______! And What about all the other medical marvels happening in the world? Heart transplants? Kidney donations? Bone marrow donations? How about blood transfusions? Are these not prolonging or enhancing life? And doesn't a new human being, a very much wanted baby, make a life complete for those parents who desire to enhance THEIR own existence?

 

     One last thought...would any "God" really allow a human to take the credit for our own creation? I think not!

 

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Refunds in the world of Surrogacy: When Intended Parents Want Their Retainer Money Returned

 

I realize that quite a few agencies have a "No Refund" policy and I have to say I had one as well when I co-owned Surrogacy Consultants of Florida. But no policy is set in stone and there are always exceptions.

 

There are several reasons why Intended Parents may ask for a refund. Sometimes it's not a full refund but at other times it just may be best to ask for a refund the entire amount of the retainer agreement. Below is my short "What If" list:

 

*What if the surrogate/donor doesn't want to work with the Intended Parents that chose their profile (and the IP’s don't find any others in the database they are interested in)?

 

*What if the surrogate/donor doesn't pass the medical evaluation (and the IP’s don't find another profile in your database they wish to explore)?

 

*What if the clinic rejects the donor or surrogate for failure to follow medical protocol or other medically related reasons (and the IP’s can't find any others they want to work with, or don't trust the agency pool of candidates any longer)?

 

*What if the Intended Parents have a medical or financial issue of their own and need to back out of the agency program (after just a few weeks and are not currently under contract)?

 

*What if the donor/surrogate is not mentally able to perform her commitment and backs out before contracts are signed (and there are no other candidates available)?

 

Lastly, an agency may insist on refunding the retainer fees back to the Intended Parents if the agency/staff feels that the IP’s are hard to please and have an impossible list of expectations that can't be met.

 

There are quite a few scenarios but you get the picture. A refund maybe in order. If the agency can't rematch, or the surrogate/donor has been disqualified, Intended Parents have the right to some sort of refund. (full or partial)

 

Refunds are usually not planned, however, and Intended Parents should keep in mind that a refund check could take a couple of months to receive. Remember that agencies are trying to do their best to correct problems and issues and make up for human errors that are no fault of their own. Patience is key in these cases as is understanding and clear communication. Intended Parents could also give some time to the agency to advertise for a specific surrogate or donor if a replacement is not found in the current database. Flexibility is always appreciated. 

 

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IS Your Agency in the Know? 4 Communication Tips for Surrogacy and Egg/Sperm Donation Agencies

It doesn’t matter how large of a business you own, if there is little or lack of communication either between you and your employees or between staff and clients you will fail unless this problem is corrected. In the field of surrogacy and egg/sperm donation there really is a lot of room for miscommunication.

First is the non-verbal cues that are given when your telephone is not answered during business hours or messages are not returned within a reasonable amount of time. What this says about your business is that you have no interest in who is calling or why or that you are too busy to take or return the call. This leaves potential clients, donors or surrogates wondering about the quality of services provided by you and your staff. (If they ever do hire you. This is where you might lose a great GS or IP.)

A second common problem with miscommunication is when a client has been given different information by different people within your office. This can happen when staff has not been updated regarding new or existing donors or available surrogates, when the client is quoted different pricing for services, or regarding case management and program protocol.

Speaking of available donors or surrogates, remember to keep your data base updated. When you have unavailable profiles listed in your data base it sends the signal that you are misinforming the public and are sharing more donor or surrogate profiles then you really have available. It also raises hopes if someone is really interested in a profile only to find that the candidate is not available. Always remove a profile once she is talking with other IP’s. If it doesn’t work out you can simply return the profile to your data base. Adding available profiles as soon as you can is a great indication that you have full control of your data base and know exactly who is on there plus all the details.

My third point is continued communication throughout the donation/surrogacy process. Often times once the match is made and the surrogate becomes pregnant, agency owners assume all is well and may not contact the IPs, donor, or surrogate for weeks or maybe even months. If you are advertising ‘full service agency’ that should include checking in on all parties and making sure that procedures have gone smoothly, if the relationship is going well amongst all parties and if anything extra is needed, In the case of the donation it is important to make sure the donor has recovered from her procedure and it’s always nice to see if a pregnancy resulted.

My forth and final point is the communication with other professionals in your field. I am taking about the clinic and nursing staff, attorneys involved, escrow agency and the mental health professional. It is so important that every one know exactly what is going on with your clients. Even if you are not the one directly communicating with these other professionals it is a good idea to remind your clients to make contact at certain points of a match. For instance the attorney should know when the birth is expected to take place and whether it is a singleton or multiples so the proper paperwork will be ready, it’s also a good idea to remind a surrogate to make arrangements for a hospital tour with her IPs, you should tell the clinic if a miscarriage takes place or a twin is lost and the mental health professional might like to know how the match is going and if there is a need for follow up.

Failure to communicate with all parties involved such as your agency staff, clients, and other professionals can give you and your agency a poor reputation. These are all issues can be worked on and eventually fixed. Your future as an egg donation or surrogacy agency owner depends on great communication!

 

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$150.00 OFF SPECIAL -LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting 5 Hour Educational Package- Call today!

Reproductive Laws In Canada: Guest Post By Christina Park, Esquire

Christina Park is a reproductive attorney and founder of the Law Offices of Christina Park in Seattle, WA. She graduated from Yale Law School. Christina assists intended parents, egg donors, embryo donors, and surrogates and is proud to help build families. 

Here in Seattle, WA it's not uncommon for fertility clinics to work with intended parents from Vancouver, BC. In my legal practice, I have worked with Canadian clients who travel to Washington State for egg donation / in vitro fertilization procedures. In this article, I will provide an overview of Canadian laws on egg donation, surrogacy, and embryo donation. 

Is egg donation legal in Canada? 

Yes. Egg donation is legal in Canada, but it is illegal to purchase eggs from a donor (or anyone acting on the donor's behalf). Compensation is prohibited, but the intended parents can legally reimburse the egg donor for egg donation expenses.  

Is surrogacy legal in Canada? 

Yes, but with significant restrictions. In Canada, commercial surrogacy (which involves payment to the woman for serving as a surrogate) is illegal. However, altruistic surrogacy without compensation is allowed. The intended parents can reimburse the surrogate for her reasonable pregnancy expenses. 

What else should I know about surrogacy in Canada? 

In Canada, it is illegal to: 

• Advertise that the intended parents will pay the woman for acting as a surrogate. 

• Pay someone for arranging the services of a surrogate mother. 

• If there is reason to believe that a woman is under age 21, it is illegal to counsel her to become a surrogate mother. 

Do surrogacy laws vary among provinces? 

Yes. Canada has federal laws governing surrogacy, but each province has its own set of rules regarding what happens after the child's birth. Some provinces are considered more surrogacy-friendly than others -- for example, Ontario and British Columbia. On the other hand, Quebec is unfavorable to surrogacy and often avoided by intended parents for this reason. 

Is embryo donation legal in Canada? 

Similar to egg donation and surrogacy, embryo donation is legal in Canada. However, the embryo cannot be purchased or sold for compensation, according to the Assisted Human Reproduction Act. 

*Disclaimer:  Christina Park is licensed to practice law in Washington State. This blog post is for educational purposes only. Please contact a qualified Canadian lawyer for advice on Canadian legal issues. 

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Egg Donation 101: Frequently Asked Questions About Washington State Laws: Guest Post By Christina Park, Esquire

Christina Park is a reproductive attorney and founder of the Law Offices of Christina Park in Seattle. She graduated from Yale Law School. Christina assists intended parents, egg donors, embryo donors, and surrogates and is proud to help build families.

What legal issues should we be aware of in WA state?

It is important for the intended parents and egg donor to enter into a legal agreement (especially with a known donor). Egg donation agreements describe each person’s roles and responsibilities, help set clear expectations, and document your wishes for who will be the child’s legal parents. The agreement will address potentially sensitive issues and can prevent future disputes.

Egg donation laws are relatively new and untested, and it is difficult to predict the outcome of court cases in this area of law. If disagreements do arise, Washington courts will likely examine the written agreement to understand your intentions and resolve disputes. It is important to clearly document the terms of the egg donation in your contract, which can provide you with additional confidence and peace of mind as you move forward. A qualified reproductive attorney can help you prepare the contract.

What topics do egg donation agreements typically address?

Egg donation agreements describe the terms of the arrangement in detail. This can help reduce surprises and provide extra security. Agreements typically address: each party’s duties; parental rights; compensation; what will happen to remaining embryos after fertility use is complete; and preferences for future contact.

We’re a married same-sex couple. What legal issues should we be aware of?

Under Washington law, both spouses in a marriage (including same-sex marriages) are presumed to be the legal parents of a child born during the marriage. However, other states may or may not recognize this parentage for same-sex couples.

The spouse who is not genetically related to the child should consider formally adopting the child. An adoption can help ensure that both parents receive full parental rights, even if they move outside of Washington State in the future.

Can the egg donor or sperm donor try to take the child away after the birth?

Under Washington law, an egg or sperm donor is not considered the parent of the resulting child (unless the parties agree otherwise in writing). If you are using an egg donor (especially a known donor), it is highly recommended that you enter into a written contract prior to the start of medical procedures. The contract will describe each person’s rights and responsibilities and document your wishes for who will be the child’s legal parent or parents.

Do the egg donor and intended parents need separate attorneys?

It is strongly advised that the intended parents and egg donor be represented by separate attorneys. This makes it much more likely that the egg donation contract will be seen as legally valid, if you ever wind up in court. Typically, the intended parents pay for all attorney fees (including fees for the egg donor’s attorney).

What happens once I hire an attorney?

The intended parents’ attorney will collect the necessary information and prepare the first draft of the egg donation agreement. The donor’s attorney will review the draft agreement and may request changes.

You will have the opportunity to read and review the legal agreement. You can discuss any questions and concerns that you may have with your attorney.

Typically, meetings with your attorney may take place either in-person or by phone. The entire process can take 1 to 4 weeks, depending on how quickly the agreements are read and approved by the donor, intended parents, and their respective attorneys.

Disclaimer: The information provided here is for educational purposes only. The information is general in nature and may not apply to your specific situation. Before taking further action, you should consult a qualified attorney in your state.

 

 

Starting TODAY:Infertility Busters for the Stressful Holiday Season Tele-Summit! Fertility Advise That Actually Works!

 

Time is ticking!!Join me for Infertility Busters for the Stressful Holiday Season Tele-Summit! Fertility Advise That Actually Works! Starting TODAY – Infertility Busters, so you can Create the family you want! 

Just a quick reminder that I’m providing you with FREE access to a very special virtual event, Infertility Busters for the Stressful Holiday Season Tele-Summit! 

22 of the world’s top Infertility experts are joining together to give you guidance that really work how to grow your family with mind/body/spirit balance this Holiday Season? Advice that is tested and true…and actually works! 

I’m thrilled to be included in the panel and I can’t wait share the strategies and tips that have helped many of my clients grow their families. (I will be speaking on Surrogacy: Working with Family and Friends!) 

Register Now by clicking HERE and you’ll get immediate access to an amazing bonus gift!!  

There’s no cost to you and the tips you’ll receive would cost you THOUSANDS of dollars to secure on your own.  

So don’t delay, grab your spot now.  

P.S. Don’t miss out on amazing guidance that really works. 

 

You are Invited! Infertility Busters for the Stressful Holiday Season Tele-Summit starting December 9- December 18th and it's FREE!

 

Let’s get real! I’m so excited to extend a FREE invitation to you for the Infertility Busters for the Stressful Holiday Season Tele-Summit starting December 9- December 18th.

Are you frustrated with family and friends giving you advice that proves they just don’t understand what you are going through? Are you sick of trying to navigate the treatment options that promise the baby you want only to give you a big debt and no baby?

What if you could hear from some of the world’s leading Infertility experts and get their best advice on how to grow your family with mind/body/spirit balance? Advice that is tested and true…and actually works! Now imagine having access to all of them for free! (I will be talking about working with family members or friends as your surrogate! Valuable information here PLUS you will get a free hour of one on one time with ME!)

This is exactly what my colleague (and fertility thought leader) Renee Waggener at Xtraordinary Fertility has done with the Infertility Busters Tele-summit!– a virtual event like no other! 

And I’m thrilled to be a part of it! I’m joining a team of 22 amazing experts with fantastic advice you can use right away! Together we’re helping thousands of women struggling with infertility throughout the globe who are ready to feel less stress this Holiday season. 

This is my personal invitation to join me and get the best wisdom, inspiration and support to guide you into more confidence, clarity, and connection to spirit, family and yourself this Holiday season. 

Starting Dec. 9th  continuing through Dec. 18th , you’ll have access to incredible experts who will all share their personal journey’s with serving the infertility community and give you some tips you can use right away. 

Don’t miss out -http://www.marketerschoice.com/app/?Clk=5347753 to register now!

There’s even an incredible free gift available immediately when you register. 

Sharon LaMothe

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Join Me for Infertility Busters for the Stressful Holiday Season FREE Tele-Summit December 9th - December 18th!

 

Let’s Bust open Infertility! Join me and 22 of the world’s leading Infertility experts for the: 

Are you frustrated with family and friends giving you advice that proves they just don’t understand what you are going through? Are you sick of trying to navigate the treatment options that promise the baby you want only to give you a big debt and no baby? 

What if you could hear from some of the world’s leading Infertility experts and get their best advice on how to grow your family with mind/body/spirit balance? Advice that is tested and true…and actually works! Now imagine having access to all of them for free! 

This is exactly what my colleague (and fertility thought leader) Renee Waggener at Xtraordinary Fertility has done with the Infertility Busters Tele-summit!– a virtual event like no other!

Starting Dec. 9th continuing through Dec. 18th , you’ll have access to incredible experts who will give you some tips you can use right away.

Don’t miss out - http://www.marketerschoice.com/app/?Clk=5347753 to register now! 

Infertility Answers~ Research Your Options Here

There are many reasons why you might be looking for an alternative way to create your family and Infertility Answers is designed to assist you in that very personal decision. If you are considering Gestational Surrogacy, Traditional Surrogacy, using an Egg or Sperm Donor or even Embryo Donation then we welcome you! Infertility Answers even has a section dedicated to pregnancy issues! As you read through this site you will find information that addresses these topics and so much more.

The Infertility Answers Mission...  

... is to assist you, as Surrogate, Donor or Intended Parent, to learn all you can about Third Party Reproduction so an informed decision can be made. Perhaps you have been frustrated at your attempt to gain knowledge through agencies, clinics or attorneys. Having your basic questions answered here will help you ask the right questions when the time comes to put your Assisted Reproduction plan into action.

Come Join Me at A Family Of My Own Conference in Orlando September 7th!!

I will be speaking with several others on the topic of third party family building...This is a not to be missed FREE event! 

Let’s Talk about Making Parenthood Possible!

The Largest Family Building Event in Florida

Whether You’re Hoping for your First or Next

In One Day Discover Your Options

Sunday, September 7, 2014
9:00am – 3:00pm

The conference is returning to Orlando with an expanded schedule of the most up-to-date topics and must-know family building information. 

This FREE event will offer you an opportunity to meet many speakers, specialists and professionals in the fertility and adoption field and ask questions one-on-one.

More than 15 Educational Sessions to choose from throughout the day.  Attend as many or as few as you like!

Exhibit Hall – Attendee Specials - Giveaways!

Topics include:

What to Expect When You’re Not Expecting: Infertility Basics and Beyond

Common Infertility Concerns: Endometriosis, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), Immune Disorders

Getting Fit for Fertility: How Nutrition and Health affect Men and Women’s Fertility

Modern Family Building with Third Party Reproduction: Sperm and Egg Donation, Surrogacy

Men’s Reproductive Health

The Latest, Successful Reproductive Surgery Options for Women and Men

Financing Fertility Treatments: Know Your Insurance/Prescription Plans, Other Finance Programs, Questions to Ask

Adoption Basics and Must Ask Questions: Starting Your Adoption Journey

Adoption Options: Domestic / Open / Closed / International / Transracial and Transcultural / Foster / Social Media

Openness in Adoption: A Candid Discussion with Adoptive Parent and Birthmom

Sunday, September 7, 2014

9:00am – 3:00pm 

Westin Lake Mary

2974 International Parkway
Lake Mary, FL 32746 (map)

 

What to Expect from a Psychological Evaluation By Dr. Barbara Feinburg

 

You may be asked to meet with a psychologist for a “psychological evaluation”.  A psychologist is different from a psychiatrist.  A psychiatrist has a medical degree (M.D.), and they primarily prescribe medication, although some also conduct psychotherapy.  A psychologist has a doctorate in psychology (a Ph.D. or Psy.D.), and they provide evaluations and conduct psychotherapy.   

If you are interested in serving as an egg donor or traditional surrogate, the aim of the psychologist is twofold.  The psychologist would like to gather as much information as possible so the recipient couple is prepared.  For example, should there be a family history for learning disabilities, the recipient couple can learn about possible warning signs.  Consequently, should their child develop academic difficulties, the recipient couple could then proceed with appropriate treatment.  It is important to remember that psychologists know there is no perfect person and that it is extremely rare for a person to have a family history devoid of any psychological problems.

The psychologist is trained to remain neutral, and is interested in providing acceptance and support.  A well-seasoned psychologist knows it is more credible if a person has had a bump or two along the road and/or if a donor/surrogate speaks of at least one relative who has experienced some sort of psychological problem.  It is best to be honest.  It is far better to honestly portray yourself and your family than to cover up what you fear could disqualify you.  It is likely you will be disqualified if you are inconsistent in your responses.

The psychologist is also interested in determining your stability.  Couples who seek out an egg donor or surrogate are very serious about wanting a successful outcome.  Some couples have tried to have children for five or even ten years, by the time they reach this step.  It is imperative you are certain you can and want to take this journey to completion.  The psychologist will try to determine whether or not you will follow through by not only asking you about your feelings about serving as an egg donor/surrogate, but also by looking for patterns of stability in your past. 

The psychologist will also spend time discussing with you the psychological ramifications of serving as an egg donor/surrogate.  This portion of the interview is for your benefit.  Regardless as to your motivation, helping a couple have children is a wonderful gift.  Your desire to be a part of the miracle of life puts you in a very special, cherished category.  You deserve to understand how this experience might affect you.  It is also important you learn enough about this process in order to make the right decision for you.  Should you have any questions, please ask them.  Serving as an egg donor/surrogate is a decision that will affect you for the entirety of your life.  It will most likely be comforting for you to receive answers to any questions you might have. 

 If you are interested in serving as a gestational surrogate, it is likely you will be asked to meet with a psychologist.  Many of the same questions will be asked.  Although your genetic history will not come into play, the psychologist will want to get to know you, so s/he can describe you to the intended parents.  Additionally, the psychologist will be interested in determining if you will be able to provide a safe environment, both physically and environmentally, while you carry a couple’s baby.  The psychologist will also want to prepare you in many different ways.  Not only are there many issues to consider during your pregnancy, but it is of utmost importance to prepare you for what you might feel when you release a child to the intended parents.  This is one of the most selfless and beautiful gifts you can give to others.  At the same time, it can leave a tremendous void.  The psychologist will want to prepare you and your partner to make sure that as you think through your decision, you can determine what is best for you.

You may be asked to take a personality test.  Most often, the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory, 2^nd Edition (MMPI-2) is administered.  This is a long inventory that consists of approximately 500 true-false questions.  The test is sensitive to test-taking style.  Oftentimes, potential donors/surrogates feel nervous and at some level, feel they must be close to perfect. It is not true that you have to be nearly perfect to be chosen.  Nevertheless, this mindset sometimes leads people to “fake good”, or present themselves in an overly favorable light.  “Validity scales” will reveal this test-taking style, and you could invalidate your results.  This could disqualify you.  It is good to know that the inventory allows for “normal” stress, occasional sadness and anxiety, and for human frailties.  Besides the “validity scales”, the inventory also yields “clinical scales”, which group together to form a “profile”.  The profile describes your characteristic ways of interacting with the world.  If you respond in a manner that is open and honest, it is likely your profile will yield interesting information for you.  Many psychologists are willing to discuss your results with you, should you ask.

Recipient couples, also known as intended parents, are sometimes asked to attend an interview with a psychologist.  They are sometimes asked to take an MMPI-2.   For those of you who are considering using an egg donor, the interview with a psychologist is to make sure you have considered what it might feel like in the future, to have a child who is not fully genetically related to you.  Additionally, the psychologist may ask questions to determine your financial and emotional stability.  This is not done in a judgmental or critical manner.  Rather, this would be to help you plan well for yourselves, especially if you have never had children.

If you are considering using a surrogate, the clinical interview for the intended parents is designed to prepare you for the emotional and financial issues that may come up.  There are many things to consider when using a surrogate, such as whether or not you will provide health insurance, life insurance, or home support in case your surrogate becomes bedridden with a pregnancy. Additionally, it is wise to think ahead with regards to how you might handle a poorly formed fetus, or multiples that jeopardize the life of the mother and/or the babies.  Lastly, it is a good idea to discuss what expectations you have with regards to a relationship with the surrogate both during and after a pregnancy.  A trained psychologist can guide you through this dialogue, and inform you so you can make the best decisions for this very important and life-altering event.

 

Dr. Barbara Feinberg is a licensed psychologist.  She received her doctorate in clinical psychology from Florida Institute of Technology in 1985.  Dr. Feinberg has been practicing psychology in Tampa, Florida for over twenty-two years.  Dr. Feinberg works with adults and children.  Areas of treatment include infertility support, as well as coping with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, marital concerns, divorce and behavioral problems.  Dr. Feinberg also provides gifted and learning disabilities evaluations.  Additionally, she has specialized in reproductive issues for over ten years.  She has spoken around the state of Florida on psychological and emotional issues that pertain to infertility. Dr. Feinberg provides psychological evaluations for egg donors, traditional and gestational surrogates, and intended parents.  She works in conjunction with several egg donor agencies, surrogacy agencies and attorneys around the United States.  You may contact Dr. Feinberg at 15961 North Florida Avenue, Suite A, Lutz, FL   33549, or [email protected]. 

Did You Know?? LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting offers a Full Service Consulting Package

LaMothe Surrogacy Consultants offer an entire surrogacy management package. This package is offered to those who have already found their surrogate though their own search be it a family member, friend, or through online classified ads. This Package includes the initial meeting plus assisting in all of the details of a surrogate arrangement without the matching process. This package lasts from the time you pay our retainer, throughout the medical and psychological testing, contract negations, embryo transfers (max 3 transfers with the same surrogate), pregnancy and birth. Attending appointments and birth are included in this service with you only paying the additional travel expenses. Please call us for pricing and further details.

 

Here is a brief outline of some of the services included in this Full Service LaMothe Surrogacy Consultants Package:

 

Initial meeting including materials for you and your surrogate

Assting you in finding a psychologist for the mental health screen

Helping with a health, life and disability policies if needed

Finding an attorney for the surrogate and Intended Parents 

Being available for embryo transfers and other appointments

Arranging to send verbal/e-mail agreements between parties to the attorney to be included in the contract

Coordinating and/or locating a RE/clinic to work with the surrogate arrangement (in the case of a satellite office if needed)

Assisting with locating a "surrogate friendly" OB office

Coordinating escrow/trust Accounts for the distribution of funds throughout the contract time frame

Assisting with mediation and/or counseling

General case management and support

Attending transfers/appointments and births

(Plus travel expenses)

 

Call LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting for your FREE 40 minute consultation to learn more about our services. 727-458-8333

“What am I looking for when I talk with a potential egg donor?” by Andrea Bryman, LMFT

It has taken many years to create the niche I have in my
profession, a mental health therapist specializing in egg donation and
surrogacy.  I have learned that people are not gray on the subject of third party reproduction.  They have strong opinions.  Once all the opinions have been aired (this
can take awhile), one of the first things I am asked is “What am I looking forwhen I talk with a potential egg donor?” 

I thought I would start this initial blog by discussing four of the main
areas that I emphasize in my evaluation of an egg donor: her family mental
health history, her stability, her desire to be a donor, and her ability to
make an informed decision to be a donor.   

In exploring a donor’s family mental health history it is
important to gather information regarding any potential psychiatric diagnoses.  Some diagnoses are linked to genetic predispositions that can be passed onto a child.  If there is a diagnosis, i.e., depression -it is important to determine whether it was triggered by an event, which would be considered situational or whether it is an organic disorder.  I also discuss family history of alcohol or substance abuse.  There is potential for
a genetic predisposition to alcoholism that both the recipients and donors
should be aware of.  Finally, I explore any emotional, physical or sexual abuse the donor may have experienced and if they have received any professional help. 
A donor who has experienced some abuse without seeking help may find the
donation process can trigger unresolved issues related to the abuse.  Above all else, my hope is for the donor to have a positive experience. 

One of the major concerns for many intended parents is whether a donor will be stable enough to follow through with all that she needs to do throughout her cycle.  There is a vast amount of information to digest, forms to be filled out, appointments to attend
and medications to be administered.  A donor will need a lot of support throughout the process.  There are many aspects in exploring a donor’s stability – her living situation, her career, her upbringing and current relationship with her parents and siblings, her social network, her personal relationships and any possible legal issues she may have experienced.    It is important that a donor be able to form and sustain healthy relationships as well as manage conflict resolution.   More importantly, you want to be sure that she will to do what she is supposed to do! 

What is the donor’s motivation to donate?  Why would she want to inject herself with medications and undergo medical evaluations and procedures? 
While initially enticed by the monetary compensation, most donors after
learning more about the process have an altruistic yearning to want to help
others while helping themselves.  In determining a donor’s desire to help others, it is significant to understand how she learned about the process, why she wants to donate, if she has told others about her desire to donate, what she plans to do with the money she receives from the donation and how she feels about the future contact and
disposition of her eggs and the embryos they create. 

Lastly, after determining a donor’s mental well-being, her
stability and her motivation, it is very important to determine if the donor is
cognitively mature enough to make an informed decision to be a donor.  I gather this information by exploring the donor’s educational background and her self-perception.  This information determines if she knowledgeable enough to have the ability to educate herself about the egg donation process and understand the potential medical and psychological issues that may arise.  Is she able to seek out
information and ask questions or does she passively take the information given
to her?  Often I encourage donors to talk with other who have donated before to get peer guidance in addition to professional guidance.  The bottom line
on informed consent is “Does the donor really understand what she is agreeing
to?” 

To say “Choosing an egg donor is a difficult process” is an understatement.  It is important to realize that many donors have just as many questions about the intended parents as the intended parents have of the donors.  We interpret data and evaluate
information to ensure suitability.  We educate others and ourselves.  We hope
that all parties are being truthful and forthright.  

Andrea Bryman is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a specialty in assisted
reproduction, which includes mental health assessments and evaluation of egg
donors and surrogates. Andrea’s focus on assisted reproduction stemmed from her own personal experience with infertility over 15 years ago when she was beginning her family. Since that time, Andrea has had three children, two with methods of assisted reproduction. She continues her professional growth in the field of infertility through research and involvement as a professional member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine including their mental health professional group, the American Fertility Association, European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology and Resolve. Andrea is the Past Psychological Chairperson on the board of directors for the Egg Donation and Surrogacy Professional Association.  She currently serves on the board of directors for Fertile Action and the advisory board of Parents Via Egg Donation. 

 

Followers of LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting Can Win a FREE Reproductive Wellness CD donated by Sara Rector MFT!!

We are so lucky to be able to offer the followers of LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting for NIAW a FREE Reproductive Wellness CD donated by Sara Rector MFT!! Scroll down for more information on this awesome give-a-way!

How you can WIN: You can "LIKE" our facebook pagehttps://www.facebook.com/LaMotheSurrogacyConsulting?ref=hl LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting and then comment and "Like" the item that you want to win. Although there are new items every day, you can enter to win each and everyone. The contest ends at midnight on April 27th and all winners will be notified by April 29th!

Sara Rector MFT is a Marriage Family Therapist who has personally experienced infertility. In the last 10 years she has been worked successfully with individuals, couples and groups experiencing infertility and has released a series of audio presentations designed to share her therapy program techniques, strategies, and insights with her listeners. Sara's CD and MP3 therapy programs are a convenient way to utilize Sara's infertility support therapies in the comfort of your own home. 


You can learn more about these CD's here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36L0xH8Ysqg and the winner will be able to choose the one that best works for his/her situation. Please Like this post and name the CD that you would most like to win: Relationship Issues and Infertility, Transition To Ovum Donation, He Said She Said The Male & Female Experiences of Infertility, Healing Pregnancy Loss or How to Use the Power of Positive Intention Conception.

National Infertility Awareness Week Contest on Facebook! Are you Missing Out?

One of many LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting's give-a-aways for today are two handmade quilts offered by Parents via Egg Donation! So there will be 2 winners! Please comment on which one you would like to be considered for!

 

How you can WIN: You can "LIKE" our facebook  page https://www.facebook.com/LaMotheSurrogacyConsulting?ref=hl LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting and then comment and "Like" the item that you want to win. Although there are new items every day, you can enter to win each and every one. The contest ends on April 27th and all winners will be notified by April 29th!

 

PVED is giving away in honor of NIAW two handmade quilts from an amazing
quilt maker Ida Gatlin (my Italian mother in law) who runs a business called
"Bambino Village".   Ida Gatlin and Bambino village have partnered with PVED
to create handmade quilts to give to our new PVED parents.  We wanted to
make sure that our parents receive something lovely that helps them
normalize this whole process which can be incredibly overwhelming.

Please know each quilt was handmade with much care and love from 75 year old
hands! I hope you have many years of use and enjoy them as much as we do.
My son Nick still has his and he's going on 13 !

PVED is a non-profit organization that has been designed to and created to
provide an informational and supportive environment where parents and
parents-to-be can learn and share information about all facets of the egg
donation and surrogacy process.   Our mission is to educate, support, and
empower families and individuals at any stage of the process who choose to
use egg donation to build a family. We provide support for thousands of
individuals who have created their families through egg donation and/or
surrogacy regardless of how that comes to be.

Whether it's due to being in a same sex relationship or the unwarranted
shame and embarrassment that often accompanies infertility, a large portion
of people within these groups feel isolated and disenfranchised from other
parenting groups.  With the belief that every conception is valid and every
child is a miracle, PVED strives to empower through education, thus changing
the public perception of assisted reproductive technology. PVED.org

 

Alternative Reproduction: What Couples Really Face

Medical advances in alternative forms of reproduction are easily outpacing the
culture, leaving same-sex couples sometimes facing years of frustration.

Same-sex couples starting families are headed to primetime in The New
Normal, a fall sitcom from NBC based on two gay men looking to start a
family with the use of a surrogate. It’s one of the first expansive and
relatable looks into the process. But a local affiliate station in Salt Lake
City, Utah banned the comedy because it worries that this show about families is “inappropriate” to be watched by families.

Even in the show, Bryan and David must contend with the surrogate’s bigoted grandmother. The New Normal might be, as Jonathan Kipp of Oregon Reproductive Medicine, a leading fertility clinic for LBGT couples, “another step in showing Americans that our country’s families are diverse.” But it’s also a hint at what couples who try surrogacy experience when confronted with a culture not yet prepared for a “new normal.”

According to U.S. Census data from 2010, an estimated one-quarter of all same-sex households are raising children. The Census didn’t ask how many used alternative reproduction. But for those couples, the expensive process comes with a host of frustrations and little support during the search for a donor. 

Just how expensive — costs associated with alternative reproduction run steep and can prove to be challenging for couples.

•    Surrogate fees range from $20,000 to $40,000. 
•    Insurance coverage for the surrogacy cycle ranges from $15,000 to $25,000.
•    Program coordination fees for surrogacy range from $15,000 to $22,000. 
•    Egg donor fees range from $5,000 to $10,000. 
•    Program coordination fees for egg donation range from $4,000 to $8,000.
•    Doctor's office fees, labs, medications, and the like range from $13,000 to $20,000 and more.
•    There will also be incidentals such as attorney fees, psychological and genetic consultations, complication insurance policies for donors and travel expenses that could add an additional $1,500 to $5,000 and up.

April Nelson, 38, an attorney, and Margaret Fiore, 49, a corporate trainer, of Mayfield, Md., began discussing whether to have kids several years into their relationship. The couple of seven years opted for IVF and now have twins, a boy and a girl named Addison and Avery, who are now almost 4 years old.

Nelson and Fiore’s journey began in the summer of 2007 when first exploring
how to get pregnant "the old fashioned way," Nelson jokes, referring to simply
using anonymous donor sperm for insemination. The couple encountered their first
hurdle, however, when it was determined by doctors that Fiore's likelihood of
producing a viable egg was minimal because of her age and hormone levels.

Then the couple spent a few months considering options, and with Nelson still
midway through law school and Fiore having always wanted the pregnancy
experience, they decided to try in-vitro fertilization (IVF) using eggs from
Nelson implanted in Fiore.

"The process was exciting and terrifying and exhausting all at the same
time," said Fiore. There were periods when both were on injection hormones and
making multiple visits each week to the fertility clinic. The couple underwent
mandatory counseling sessions to ensure they "knew what they were doing," and
Nelson had to participate in even more assessments required for egg donors. The
clinic was open affirming, but neither its policies nor the law were truly
prepared for how to "categorize" them.

You can read the entire article here. You can learn all about Surrogacy and more at A Family of My Own Conference. I hope to see you there!

 

Please Join Me at A Family of My Own Conference at the Wyndham Glenview Suites in Glenview, Illinois September 29th!

Do you know someone trying to have a Family of their Own? Find out how to make it possible
by joining me, Sharon LaMothe of LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting, and get all the
information you need to become a family at Family of My Own Fertility & Adoption Conference on Saturday, September 29 at the Wyndham Glenview Suites.

This is the premier event in Illinois that will bring together top medical professionals and
industry experts in one room for one day.  

Couples who are trying to start a family, but have questions, reproductive health and adoption experts will be available to answer questions on the latest advances in fertility as well as adoption. In addition, the business expo will feature
leading companies that will showcase products and services relevant to fertility and adoption. Sponsors of the event to date include aParent IVF, Fertility Centers of Illinois, InVia Fertility and Walgreens and to register for the event visit www.AFamilyofMyOwn.com

The Insiders Guide to Egg Donation by Wendie Wilson-Miller and Erika Napoletano: A LaMothe Book Review

Finally! A book that explains Egg Donation in away that doesn’t make people run from sheer information overload! The Insiders Guide to Egg Donation by Wendie Wilson-Miller
and Erika Napoletano is clear and concise. I loved the fact that in each chapter there are helpful hints, checklists, and highlighted segments that allow the reader to revisit the most relevant parts to each section.  

With chapters entitled ‘Beyond the Nest- when Hearts and Science Collide, Circling the Nest-The Ovum Donation Cycle, and Readying the Nest-Transfer and Beyond Wendie and Erika are able to guide Intended Parents and Recipient Couples through the egg donation process in a way that covers every concern and issue.

The letters, real life stories and comments told throughout these pages are what really make this book one to read. I found myself feeling a connection with the donors who give
the most precious part of themselves (and being a past Gestational Surrogate, I
can relate!). The information is accurate and yet simple to understand so even
if this is the first book on egg donation that you have ever read you will
understand the process thoroughly.

Another wonderful addition to The Insiders Guide to Egg Donation is the Appendixes A-H and a wonderful Glossary make this book THE ONE to keep on hand while going through
the egg donation process.

I highly recommend The Insiders Guide To Egg Donation and happily congratulate both Wendie Wilson-Miller and Erika Napolitano for a book that will support and guide many
parents-to-be for years to come!

Forever Family (Working Title) A Groundbreaking New Docu-series

Over 1.2 million women in the US seek treatment each year for infertility. 

It is estimated that U.S. citizens adopt around 120,000 children each year.

Since 1976, there have been about 25,000 surrogate births in the USA and more than 250,000 babies have been born using the in vitro fertilization technique. IVF offers infertile couples a chance to have a child who is biologically related to them.

From one of the producers of Extreme Makeover “Home Edition” comes a new one hour docu-series that celebrates couples and individuals who have decided to create their family in a variety of non traditional ways.

Each week our Host, a nationally recognized celebrity who has a experienced a personal journey with adoption or  infertility will meet and interview couples and individuals, who are in various stages of creating new families utilizing one of these fast growing alternative trends of surrogacy, adoption, assisted insemination or IVF.

As the cameras document each heartwarming story, our host may also introduce our audience to other celebrities who themselves have gone through the process and want to share their passion and experience in creating their families using one of the above mentioned alternative approaches.

We are casting couples and individuals who are in various stages of creating a family using alternative means such as: surrogacy, adoption, assisted insemination and IVF.

This is a groundbreaking new docu-series, if you would like to share your story and currently live in the Southern California region, we would love meet with you.

Contact: Sherry Calhoun 818-400-9094 

The Role Of A Therapist During A Donor Egg Cycle by Carole Lieber Wilkins as Posted by Marna Gatlin of PVED

This essay was written by Carole Lieber Wilkins, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in West Los Angeles. A specialist in the field of reproductive medicine, adoption and family building options since 1986, she became a founding member of Resolve of Greater Los Angeles in 1987 and served on the Board of Directors in various positions for the next 14 years.

Carole is first and foremost a mother via egg donation and adoption. Carole is also an active member of The Mental Health Professional Group (MHPG) which is a part of ASRM. This group is a multidisciplinary group that formed in 1985 with the full support of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM). Its mission is to promote scientific understanding of the psychological, social, and emotional perspectives of infertility patients

During a discussion about the roles therapists fulfill with intended parents during DE cycles Carole took the time to write an essay talking about what exactly that role is. - Marna Gatlin

I have been meeting with patients pursuing gamete donation, embryo donation, and surrogacy for many, many years. I don't call them, nor do I consider them to be evaluations or assessments, despite the fact that the clinics do tell patients they need a “psychological evaluation” before proceeding. My attempt to educate clinic staff has not been successful in changing their language, thus, patients often come in defensive and angry. I attempt to put them at ease immediately by telling them the meeting is not an evaluation and it is not my job to decide whether or not they are worthy of becoming parents. Their response is visceral. Shoulders drop, faces relax, and they breathe. Then we can proceed.

I tell patients I see my role as educative in two ways: to talk about the ways in which building a family thru gamete donation is DIFFERENT from having a family the easy and inexpensive way; and to play the role of child advocate.

I tell patients that I try to represent the only person in the family building equation who has no vote, but is the sole reason for the endeavor—the unborn child. The children resulting from all the procedures have no voice in how it all happens, (as no children have a vote in how they are conceived.)

I try to put a spin on what we DO know about how individuals feel who come into families thru donor conception, surrogacy, etc., regardless of the single/married, gay/straight constellation of the family.

We DO know some things that make healthy families and we DO know now from studies of DE and DS offspring how people feel about their means of conception and all that goes with it.

We DO know that it is normal and common for people to grieve the loss of a genetic link to an offspring.

We DO know how most infertility patients feel after being in treatment for a period of time.

Many have recently written about “the brave new world” we are involved in, but I wonder when it will stop being a brave new world. Yes, the stakes keep getting higher as technology tests our ethical boundaries of what can be done, but should it be done. However, surrogacy is now 30 years old. Donor sperm has been around forever and the first child born thru egg donation is now 27. Many people now have “children” through gamete donation who haven’t been children in a long time. In fact, some parents through gamete donation are now grandparents. It’s not that new and we DO know many things to be true.

With some exceptions, the report I send to a doctor reflects the discussion of the many complex issues that accompany complicated family building. Gamete donation families are special needs families, as are adoptive families, and many other kinds of families. This requires unique preparation and knowledge. Special needs are not bad; they’re just special, aka “a little extra.” I call it parenting plus. These families have all the stuff “regular” families have, with a healthy dose of EXTRA.

Even in a brief consultation, we can get a rough idea of whether there is psychopathology (vs. neurosis, thank goodness, or surely most of us would have never become parents), substance or spousal abuse or other issues that would make us significantly concerned about bringing a child into the household. In those cases, I recommend further counseling or whatever is needed. But most of the time, I think, our patients are as unqualified to parent as anyone off the street, only now, because they have been required to see us, they are much better educated about certain aspects of family building and parenting.

When patients leave my office, I hope they have more questions than when they walked in.

I hope they are thinking about gamete donation differently than when they resentfully made the appt. (if required by physician).

I hope they no longer think gamete donation is no big deal.

I hope they are thinking about what it would be like to grow up in a home where your parents didn’t have enough respect to tell the truth about who you are, or where parents were too scared to tell the truth.

I hope they think about the fact that it won’t matter what other people say about gamete donation as long as they as parents are fierce protectors and advocates for the family they created and how they created it, thereby claiming children as one’s own.

I hope my patients leave my office knowing that infertility is a lifelong disease that goes into remission for long periods of time, and then springs up again at the least expected moments.

I hope my patients leave my office armed with the response to the dreaded exclamation:
“I don’t have to listen to you because you’re not my real mother!!”

I want them to leave my office having shifted from being terrified their kid will someday say that to them, to looking forward to it because they are prepared and ready to help guide their child through the muddy waters of trying to figure out who they actually are.

All that in an hour? We do what we can with what little we are given.

Carole LieberWilkins, M.F.T.
Los Angeles, CA
(310) 470-9049
www.LAfamilybuilding.com

Nobody's Child by Austin Boyd: A LaMothe Book Review

 

Nobody's Child by Austin Boyd was sent to me, along with 2 other copies to share, from Zondervan, for review.

 

 
First their Synopsis: 
For Laura Ann McGehee, her body represents the one remaining financial resource that can save the family farm. For Sophia McQuistion, Laura Ann’s unusual sacrifice fulfills her own dream of having a child. Weaving together bioethics and faith in a heart-rending tale of love lost and loves found, Nobody’s Child dramatizes the ethical question we can no longer ignore in medicine: Just because we can do something … should we? 

About Austin Boyd: He is the award-winning author of the thrilling space suspense trio, The Evidence, The Proof and The Return. An inventor, business entrepreneur, spacecraft engineer, and Navy pilot, he weaves real science with true-to-life characters in descriptive page-turning suspense. Austin and his wife, Cindy are the parents of four adult children and live  in Huntsville, Alabama where he manages an engineering and design company, and serves the community through Crisis Pregnancy ministries.

 
My take on Nobody's Child:  The book itself was well written and the pages filled with details of farm life in West Virginia along with characters who were believable and endearing. What I think is the crying shame about Nobody's Child is the obvious ignorance regarding egg donation. I probably shouldn't have been surprised as Eggsploitation is one of the references recommended in the back of the book. The segments shared regarding Laura Ann's egg donation and the outcome are particularly hard to swallow because every fear that a donor may have came true in this book. Realizing Nobody's Child is meant to be a dramatization I still felt I was constantly thinking 'what's next'? whenever something went wrong in poor Laura Ann's life. (Most of which stemmed from her egg donation).

 
Twenty years old and very much ashamed of "selling her eggs" to save the family farm and help with medical bills, Laura Ann has everything go wrong from floods and fires to a recipient of one of her egg donations showing up pregnant on her door step. What else could go wrong? How about premature labor, a will that leaves the baby to Laura and finding out that a nurse from the now debunked clinic also has a daughter from Laura Ann's donation! Nope, that is not a spoiler!

 

 I recommend reading Nobody's Child for entertainment only. There is a lot of misinformation regarding egg donation and the whys and hows of the process. Leering doctors and exaggerated side effects aside, Nobody's Child does have a message of where there's a will there's a way. Everything that was thrown at Laura Ann had a solution that worked for her mainly due to the supporting characters and her own deep seeded strength.

Four Different Ways Women Can Give the Gift of Life

I wnted to re-post this because there still is controversial news regarding embryo and sperm donations (not to mention egg donation) I think it's important to focus on other ways women can give the gift of life...(although egg donation is mentioned in this article) I have never been an egg donor, becoming involved in ART in my mid 30's, however, I am on the International Bone Marrow Donor list, give blood regularly, had cord blood saved and, of course, been a Gestational Carrier twice. ( I wouldn't consider the 7 Pounds route that Will Smith took in that role!) Needless to say, these stories are based in the UK but the US offers the same opportunities. Just ask your Dr. for guidance.

  

Sharon 

Four women on why they became donors 

Exclusive: By Alison Palmer 21/07/2009

These women all gave a body part to improve someone else’s life. Here they explain why they were so selfless

Every drop counts

Danielle Holmes, 32 lives with husband Richard in Muckamore, Belfast, with their children Kaya, three, and five-week-old Cayden. Danielle is a manager of a logistics company and Richard is a head chef.

“As my darling son, Riley, born 14 weeks early, lay in an incubator, hooked up to endless wires and tubes I felt so helpless. All I could do was feed his tiny 1lb 11oz body with my expressed breast milk.

Despite bleeds on the brain, collapsed lungs and other complications, he limped on. But four weeks in, with all the stress and heartache, my milk dried up. I was devastated. Doctors said formula milk would be too heavy, but there was a milk bank, breast milk donated by other mothers we could use.

Before I had Riley, I was repulsed by the thought but when you are in the situation we were in, knowing the best thing your very poorly child can have is breast milk, you’re eternally grateful for another mum’s donation. I believe the donated milk gave me another five weeks with Riley before he died after surgery for a bowel infection.

So two years later, when I gave birth to Kaya, I was determined to give something back. I contacted the milk bank at Fermanagh and they sent me special bottles and an insulated box and I began expressing.

Each day, as well as expressing for Kaya, I managed 120ml for the bank which I’d freeze. It doesn’t sound much but the tiniest babies only need a couple of millilitres, so every bit counts. I donated for seven months and hope to again now Cayden is five weeks old.

I mentioned having my long hair cut off on www.baby-greenhouse.co.uk and someone suggested I give it to a charity that makes wigs for children with cancer. It’s amazing you can do something so small, so insignificant to you that can make such a massive difference to another person’s life.”

/ For details of milk banks, visit www.ukamb.org or call 0208 383 3559. To donate hair, see www.littleprincesses.org.uk or www.locksoflove.org

How could I deny someone a life?

 

Leanne Flanagan, 22, of Cardiffis single with no children and works in a supermarket.

“I opened the letter and started to read. It said: ‘To my dear donor. Thank you for giving me the gift of life. My family and I cannot thank you enough. You will never know what you’ve done for me.’

Tears rolled down my cheeks.

When I signed up to be a bone marrow donor, I gave a blood sample and filled in some paperwork but I never thought I’d be a match.

Then, on my birthday the following year, in November 2007, I received a letter saying I was a potential match. I had some blood taken, then a fortnight later I got a letter to say I was a perfect match.

My family weren’t very happy because they were worried about health implications. But for me it was clear. There was someone out there, probably with leukaemia that would ultimately kill them, who knew there was a donor who could save them.

How could I deny them a chance of life?

I opted to give bone marrow through ‘peripheral blood stem cell donation’. It was simple.

For three days a nurse injected me with a special substance to boost my stem cells. Then on the fourth day the Anthony Nolan Trust paid for us to go to Londonwhere I spent five hours hooked up to a machine at University College Hospital.

I had a needle in each arm; one took blood out into a machine that collected the cells, the other put the ‘empty’ blood back in. I felt tired but nothing more.

I knew the whole process was anonymous so, when I received the letter via the trust I was bowled over.

I’ll never know the recipient but just to know there’s someone out there, still hopefully living a happy, healthy life because of me is just wonderful.”

To join the register or to find out more about the process see www.anthonynolan.org.uk or call 0207 284 1234.

It was very humbling

 

Cathy Sidaway, 29, a business development manager, lives in York. She’s single and has no children.

“I was leafing through a paper a couple of years ago when I saw an advert from an anonymous couple who needed an egg donor. I thought I could be that person. It all came at a very poignant time. My friend had suffered multiple miscarriages and a relative has endometriosis and was struggling to get pregnant.

I spent some time on the National Gamete Donation Trust’s (NGDT) forum for those considering donation and called the number.

I had extensive counselling. It threw up all sorts of emotions. I was asked how I’d feel telling my own future children that somewhere they may have a half-sibling. I hope they and any future partner would understand. I also had to go through various medical tests.

It was almost a year by the time, last February, I finally donated via Guy’s Hospital, London. I had to go through a similar process to IVF to create as many eggs as possible.

They collected 14 eggs. It was a little uncomfortable but not awful. Sadly the recipient hasn’t got pregnant yet but I’m hopeful it will work out for her soon.

I donated once more and I’m just about to donate again. I met the woman online and was only going to tell her about the process, but we got on so well I offered to be her donor.

I thought I’d donate four times, but we’ll see. All I know is I can give a woman a shot at motherhood. That’s a very humbling experience.”

For more information see www.ngdt.co.uk or call the helpline on 0845 226 9193.

I knew it could save a life

Rebecca Khan, 29, lives in Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, with husband, Kyle, 32, and children, Elena, 23 months and Leah, seven weeks. She works for the NHS – and in recruitment.

“I knew blood in the umbilical cord was live-saving through my work with the blood and transfusion service. I also know it’s hard to find matches for the ethnic community. So, being half-Greek with a half-Jamaican husband, I was desperate to donate. Sadly not all hospitals have a cord blood donation team but mine, Barnet General, does. It wasn’t long before I had a call from the donation team who took me through all the details and helped me fill in a consent form that I kept in my pregnancy notes.

I was devastated when, after Elena’s birth, they hadn’t been able to retrieve a full sample. There wasn’t enough blood in the cord.

So I made sure all the paperwork was in order again when I gave birth to Leah and hoped that this time they’d be successful. They were.

I had an elective caesarean so I didn’t even see when they took the cord away. But it doesn’t matter how you give birth, you can still donate.

Once they cut the cord and establish mum and baby are OK the cord blood team take the placenta and cord. The cells in cord blood can be sent all over the world to help cure patients of life-threatening diseases such as blood cancers and immune disorders.

It’s wonderful that something so useless to you could save a life.”

/For more info about hospitals with a cord blood team or to register to be a donor visit http://cord.blood.co.uk or call 0800 783 5870 or 020 8437 1740.

What do you mean I can't get a new tattoo?!

 

 
Q~~What do you mean I can't get a new tattoo?!

 

 A~~   I thought I would write a FYI here because there are some potential Egg Donors and Surrogates out there that are not aware that you can not donate your eggs or become a surrogate if you have had a tattoo or body piercing within the past 6 months to a year. (In most cases it's 6 months for the piercing's and a year for the tattoo unless you have written proof that the needles used were disposable and in that case, you would be free and clear to donate or volunteer to carry.) This requirement is a safeguard against the risk of infectious diseases. Obviously any tattoos you have that are over a year old are fine!  

 

This was the easiest Q & A ever!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net 

A Great Symposium for Infertility and Reproductive Professionals: START ART

Infertility is a challenging and rewarding field of nursing, and one that is evolving rapidly and dramatically, requiring nurses and other healthcare practitioners to constantly remain current with the latest state-of–the ART technology. Those in practice, as well as nurses in transition, accept that this ever changing arena requires an ongoing commitment to pursue new information, techniques, and best practices. And, equal in priority, is the IVF nurse’s sensitivity to parents’ quest to create families and the fragility of early embryonic life.

 The Annual REI Nursing Congress: Scientific & Therapeutic Approaches To Assisted Reproductive Technology (STARTARTSM) provides a unique and comprehensive educational opportunity, featuring critical updates on the latest advances in reproductive medicine, from procedures and protocols to psychosocial and legal issues. The goal of this Congress is to provide late-breaking information and cutting-edge techniques to improve ART outcomes - a goal that is matched by the IVF nurses’ skills, compassion, and caring that make this field so remarkable.

This activity is intended for the education of nurses, nurse practitioners, and other healthcare professionals specializing in reproductive medicine and assisted reproductive technology. (It's great for surrogacy and egg donation agency owners too!)

During lunch on both Thursday, August 4 and Friday, August 5, participants will have the opportunity to join accredited sessions of interactive roundtable discussions. Topics will be posted at the meeting registration desk, where participants may sign up for discussions of issues of special interest. A moderator or faculty member will lead each group. (I am, once again, planning to lead a round table on the topic of Gestational Surrogacy.)

Register HERE https://www.123enroll.com/STARTART

I hope to see you there!!

 Sharon

How Can I Find a Qualified Traditional Surrogate or Gestational Carrier?

 

 
Please note: You must ask your infertility clinic or Reproductive Endocrinologist for their list of qualifications in order for a Traditional Surrogate or Gestational Carrier to enter into their program. Do this before you start your search. Health issues, weight, age and uncomplicated pregnancies are just a few of the many requirements and qualifications.   

There are many ways to locate a Traditional surrogate (TS) or Gestational Carrier (GC). You need to consider all your options and ask yourself what will be the most comfortable for your personal situation and life style. 

1) Tell friends and family that you are looking for a surrogate, and find someone through word of mouth.   

2) Search the Web. There are several places online that have women advertising to assist infertile couples through surrogacy.

 3) Contact a clinic or attorney and get a referral to an agency/matching service, or contact an agency directly.  

4) Find a Surrogacy or Egg Donation consultant to lead you in the right direction and offer tips, advice, and to agencies with a great track record.

5) Ask a family member or friend directly to carry your child for you.

Surrogacy and Embryo, Sperm, & Egg Donation: What Were You Thinking?: Considering IVF & Third-Party Reproduction by Theresa M. Erickson: A LaMothe Book Review

I was very excited to receive my copy of Surrogacy and Embryo, Sperm, & Egg Donation: What Were You Thinking?: Considering IVF & Third-Party Reproduction by Theresa M. Erickson. What I expected was a book filled with guidelines and tips for those who are venturing for the first time into the unknown territory of Third Party Family Building and I was not disappointed!

 

Education and research is key when considering any third party reproduction route and there are several books out on the market that can assist Intended Parents in making a sound decision. But along with reading books like Surrogacy and Embryo, Sperm, & Egg Donation: What Were You Thinking? visiting website's and researching all options, it is wise to surround oneself with seasoned professionals in the field of Assisted Reproductive Technology. Theresa Erickson is one of those highly sought after reproductive attorneys that can provide sound advice and guidance just as she provides in her books.

 

Surrogacy and Embryo, Sperm, & Egg Donation: What Were You Thinking? is divided into four 'fertility options' as stated in the title but there is so much more to be discovered here. With chapters on Disclosure, Reproductive Tourism, Agency vs Independent and Online Matching, Trust and Escrow Accounts, and much more, this book is a must read for any Intended or Recipient Parent considering working with a third party to build their family.

 

About the Author Theresa Erickson:

 

Theresa M. Erickson is one of the few attorneys in the United States who practices exclusively in reproductive and family formation law. The managing partner of Erickson Law, APLC, she is also the Founder and Chair of Conceptual Options, The Surrogacy and Egg Donation Center, and lives in San Diego, California.

3 Things Potential Parents Should Know About Finding A Private Egg Donor by Guest Blogger Alexis Bonari

 

One of the fastest growing venues for seeking out an egg donor is the American college campus.  While there has been considerable ethical debate surrounding the practice of charging more for the eggs of college educated, high IQ individuals, there has been little discussion of the difficulties encountered by potential parents who do not go through a donor location agency. Simply placing an advertisement in campus newspaper and waiting for someone to bite isn’t always as straightforward as it might seem.  Here are several things to consider when attempting foregoing donor location agency:

 

1. You have limited means for requesting a psychological evaluation.

The mindset of the potential egg donor is crucial to the success of the transaction.  Many donors don’t realize how physically invasive the procedures will be.  Others are less likely to take the necessary precautions to avoid pregnancy during the fertility treatment cycle. Psychological screening by an experienced psychologist is necessary to protect both the donor and the potential parents.  Agencies that seek out donors on a regular basis have qualified psychologists on staff to perform evaluations.

 

2. It’s very difficult to do a full background/medical check without the help of an agency.

Agencies perform extensive background checks.  Some even go so far as to require donors to undergo DNA testing for common genetic abnormalities.  These tests are obtained at a massively discounted, bulk rate.  The added cost of arranging for these tests on your own will likely mitigate any savings you might have achieved by finding someone on your own.

 

3. Donor location agencies know the legal ins and outs of the donation procedure.

This final consideration is arguable the most important.  Whenever you are legally contracting someone to undergo a medical procedure, the legal proceedings must be absolutely perfect.  This insures that the rights of both parties involved are adequately protected. Having a private lawyer draft the documents is a somewhat risky proposition, as it’s unlikely that the lawyer will be as completely familiar with the process as an agency-hired legal representative would be.

 

All said, potential parents are less likely to encounter problems when they find donors through a donor location agency.   

 

Bio: Alexis Bonari is a freelance writer and blog junkie. She is currently a resident education blogger and performs research surrounding College Scholarships. In her spare time, she enjoys square-foot gardening, swimming, and avoiding her laptop.

Egg Donor and Surrogate Agency Fees in the USA by Guest Blogger Gail Sexton Anderson of Donor Concierge

All egg donor and surrogacy agencies charge a variety of fees to provide you with an egg donor or surrogate, and to ensure that all legal and psychological needs and certain insurance needs are covered. The following is a general range of egg donor and surrogacy agency fees. Note that fees may vary quite a bit from one agency to the next. Generally speaking, egg donor agency administrative fees tend to be in the $4,000–$8,000 range. This does not include the egg donor’s fee, medical fees, or egg donor expenses. Some agencies give you a bundled fee that includes legal fees, psychological fees, insurance fees, and agency administrative fees. Others charge a separate fee for each service or ask you to pay each fee directly to the service provider. These fees are usually nonnegotiable. Most egg donor and surrogacy agencies spend a lot of money to recruit donors and don’t have a high profit margin. The other fees for legal, psychological, and other services are fairly standard and, again, have no wiggle room. A new trend with a few egg donor agencies is to break fees down to include matching and coordination fees. Some agencies are starting to contract out the cycle coordination fee to independent agencies who will handle the details of the cycle. These cycle coordinating or management agencies often handle and the donor’s fee, booking travel arrangements and distribution of expense reimbursement. Egg donor fees are the greatest variable. An egg donor’s fee can range from $4,000 to $10,000, if the agency is abiding by American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) guidelines. The donor’s fee could be as high as $30,000. Generally, you need not pay that much to get what you want in an egg donor. With surrogacy, the fees are higher because you’re dealing with a longer, more complicated process. It is a little harder to compare administrative fees, but it is pretty safe to assume that you get what you pay for. If the surrogacy agency has an extremely low administrative fee, the agency may be just a matching service. That is, they have surrogates to match, but you will need to handle the details on your own. Full service surrogacy agencies charge an administrative fee of $16,000–$21,000. You want a program that will support you from match to birth and beyond. Some agencies are more hands-on when handling cases than others. Surrogate fees can vary from $18,000 to $35,000 and up. Surrogates do so much for what breaks down to a few dollars a day. These wonderful women more than earn their compensation for the wear and tear on their bodies and the strain on their families. Expect most surrogates to receive compensation for expenses plus incentive for attending monthly support group meetings. Basic Egg Donor Agency Cost The following fees do not include medical costs for services or medications required: • Administrative fee for the egg donor program: $4,000–$8,000.* • International fee: $500–$2,000. • Egg donor fees: $5,000–$20,000. • Egg donor expenses: $600–$6,000 (if travel is required). • Legal fees: $750–$950. • Egg donor insurance: $400–$500. • Egg donor psychological screening: $400–$1,000. Depends on the level of testing. Expect the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI) at a minimum. Usually intelligence testing will cost you more. Basic Surrogacy Agency Cost The following fees do not include medical costs for services or medications required: • Administrative fee for the surrogacy program: $5,000–$23,000. • International fee: $2,000. • Surrogate fee: $18,000–$35,000. • Allowance for surrogate: $200 per month. • Surrogate support group meetings: $100 per month. • Legal fees: $2,000–$8,000. Depends on the extent of the attorney’s duties. If they manage the trust/escrow account, expect the fee to be on the higher end. • Psychological fees for surrogate evaluation and support: $1,000–$4,000 (depending on how involved the psychologist is). • Maternity clothing allowance for the surrogate: $600–$1,000. • Embryo transfer fees: $750. • Fees for multiples: Expect to pay more for a twin pregnancy, and more still for triplets and additional multiples, due to additional bed rest required for the surrogate. Information provided by Gail Sexton Anderson of Donor Concierge (http://donorconcierge.com) Since 1998, Gail Sexton Anderson, Ed.M., has dedicated her career to helping intended parents from all walks of life build families. She founded Donor Concierge as a compassionate approach to helping intended parents sort through the myriad of egg donor and surrogacy options. Gail has developed working relationships with many excellent egg donor and surrogacy programs, fertility attorneys, and mental health professionals specializing in third party fertility counseling she has known and trusted for years. This enables her be a great resource for her clients for any additional help they may need as they build their family. Gail holds a master’s degree in counseling from Harvard Graduate School of Education. She is an empathic listener who brings a calming influence to what can often be an emotionally stressful process.