Surrogacy 101

Part 3 of Egg Donation 101: Choosing Between Frozen or Fresh Donor Eggs By Guest Blogger Eran Amir

Choosing Between Frozen or Fresh Donor Eggs

Both fresh donor eggs and frozen donor eggs have specific pros and cons which you should consider:

Advantages of using fresh donor eggs

1. Better odds of live birth – IVF with fresh donor eggs has been widely researched and found effective. A national study published in the journal Obstetrics and Gynecology found that the use of fresh donor eggs in IVF has a small advantage in birth outcomes. According to the study’s lead author, Jennifer L. Eaton, M.D., “the odds of a good birth outcome were less with frozen than with fresh, but it was a small difference.” Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) also shows that, overall, 55.3% of embryo transfers from fresh donor eggs resulted in a live birth vs. 46.7% for embryo transfers from frozen donor eggs.
2. Larger number of eggs – A fresh egg donation cycle will give intended parents anywhere from ten to twenty eggs. This is ideal if you plan on having more than one child: a fresh donation cycle will likely provide you with a good number of embryos to pursue more than one pregnancy. 
3. No need for ICSI - with frozen eggs, an extra procedure known as intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI) becomes a must (which also adds to the overall cost). The freezing and thawing process makes the shell surrounding the egg hard for the sperm to penetrate on its own. ICSI bypasses this as a single sperm is injected directly into the egg. 

Caveats with fresh donor eggs

1. Longer timeline – using fresh donor eggs is a longer process: it takes time to match a donor to the recipient and then to synchronize schedules and cycles.
2. Greater cost – fresh donor egg IVF is typically more expensive than the frozen alternative: as noted by what to expect, at an average of $25,000, fresh donor eggs amount to around twice the cost of frozen eggs.
3. Potential for cancellation – donation cycles can on occasion get cancelled due to poor medication response or issues, or because of an insufficient amount of eggs obtained. Medical issues more specifically may include uterine cysts or bleeding, which can have a negative impact on implantation, preventing the cycle’s success. 

Ultimately, when it comes to choosing between fresh or frozen eggs, it all comes down to your personal situation. There is no easy answer as to which is best. Success rates can depend on each individual’s specific case, as well as the expertise of the clinic you’re working with. A doctor and the clinic can help you assess your options based on your medical history and specific circumstances.

We hope that this helped provide the information you need. And remember - the right decision is whatever feels right for you. All the best on your journey!

 

Be sure to also read parts 1 and 2 of Egg Donation 101

About Eran Amir

With more than 20 years of experience, Eran Amir has worked as both a software development and product management executive in Israel and the Greater New York Area. The development of GoStork combines his professional skill set with a personal mission. After undergoing a long, difficult, and costly process to expand his family via surrogacy and egg donation, Amir vowed to help other intended parents avoid the complexity and confusion he experienced. His passion led to the creation of GoStork, which proudly names Amir’s two-year-old daughter as its co-founder.

Part 2 of Egg Donation 101: Factors to Consider When Selecting an Egg Donor By Guest Blogger Eran Amir

Factors to consider when selecting an egg donor

Choosing your specific egg donor is one of the most personal and important decisions you’ll make. Many intended parents choose to seek the services of an egg donor agency - however, choosing which agency to work with is a big decision in itself and many intended parents go to multiple agencies before they find their perfect donor. To make the process easier, GoStork provides the largest free online database of over 10,000 egg donors from various egg donor agencies all in one place, allows you to compare egg donors side-by-side, then connect directly with the agencies of your favorites.

Egg donor profiles you review include the donor’s physical attributes, education level, medical history, as well as family history, among other elements such as ethnicity and religion. Undeniably, you are presented with a large amount of information, but in this case, the more information the better! To get started, you’ll want to decide what characteristics matter personally to you. Here is a list of criteria you’ll have to consider:

• Age – Donor must be between the ages of 21 and 30 but if you prefer one on either the younger or older end of that spectrum, that’s a valid decision
• BMI – Donors must have a healthy Body Mass Index (BMI) between 18-27, but as far as the donor’s specific weight - that may be a consideration that’s important to you.
• Medical History – Personal health history (ideally, a non-smoker, non-drug user and non-alcohol dependent, has no STDs, and is not undergoing treatment for depression or anxiety - these elements are pre-vetted and indicated for you to consider), family health history (ie. you would be looking for egg donor profiles with no family history of genetic disorders, and no significant family history of cancer).
• Reproductive history –  If applicable, you’ll see information about ‘proven fertility’ in egg donor profiles, ie. a previous successful pregnancy shows that the donor has the potential to provide healthy eggs. You may also learn that the donor has donated eggs prior that resulted in a successful pregnancy.
• Appearance – You’ll see the donor’s photos, (ideally current as well as from childhood) and - when available - videos, natural hair color, eye color, height, and, as already mentioned, you’ll see her weight. Many intended parents are interested in donors with similar physical features to themselves, while others are interested in dissimilar features. Again, these are personal decisions and any preference is valid.
• Personal Background – This can range across heritage, religion, characteristics, education, career, and even criminal record. This is obviously a wide range of criteria - so just to explore one example; a donor with a graduate degree or high test scores may be someone you’re ideally looking for - so you could, as a starting point, filter your options through the lens of your desired standard of education. Also, many intended parents look for egg donors with a similar heritage or religious background as themselves.
• Compensation: Fee can range from $8,000 to $20,000 - donors may charge more when they have proven fertility or a higher level of education, among other factors.
• Location - An egg donor close to your IVF clinic can help save you money in covering her travel costs. That said, this may not be your most important criterion - in which case it’s totally up to you to prioritize other factors over where the donor lives.

 

Next Week Part 3 Choosing Between Frozen or Fresh Donor Eggs

About Eran Amir

With more than 20 years of experience, Eran Amir has worked as both a software development and product management executive in Israel and the Greater New York Area. The development of GoStork combines his professional skill set with a personal mission. After undergoing a long, difficult, and costly process to expand his family via surrogacy and egg donation, Amir vowed to help other intended parents avoid the complexity and confusion he experienced. His passion led to the creation of GoStork, which proudly names Amir’s two-year-old daughter as its co-founder.

 

 

Part 1 Egg Donation 101 & What to Look for in an Egg Donor A Quick Overview By Guest Blogger Eran Amir

Egg donation can provide the missing link for those struggling to conceive, who want to avoid passing down a genetic disease, or for singles and gay couples who know they cannot conceive on their own. In this article, we’ll explain in more detail what the egg donation process looks like, how egg donors are screened, the factors to consider in your search for the ideal egg donor and the differences between fresh and frozen donor eggs.

The egg donation process - a quick overview

Through egg donation, a donor chosen by the intended parents provides her eggs to be transferred via IVF. Fertility clinics follow a rigorous screening process when it comes to clearing egg donors. Prior to starting the egg donation process, the egg donor undergoes a thorough medical screening to ensure that she is fit to receive the stimulation medication required (more on this below). Her egg reserve is assessed, and her medical history and family and genetic history evaluated. Blood tests are done to check for undiagnosed medical conditions or infectious diseases.

Once the egg donor is cleared by the clinic, she is prescribed hormone medications to stimulate ovulation and the production of multiple eggs. If it’s a fresh cycle, the intended mother will be prescribed estrogen and progesterone to build up the uterine lining and prepare it for implantation.

The next step is the egg retrieval and fertilization with sperm from the intended father or a sperm donor. The best embryo is transferred to the uterus using a thin catheter, a procedure known as a fresh embryo transfer (FET). The intended mother continues her medication (progesterone). If the transfer is successful, once a heartbeat is confirmed, the pregnancy progresses from there, hopefully making it successfully to term.

While there are various reasons why the use of an egg donor may be recommended, the first step is to understand if egg donation is right for you. 

Is egg donation right for you?

Deciding to grow your family via egg donation is not easy, however it may be an ideal solution if conceiving naturally isn’t possible. The first step is to consult a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) or your fertility clinic to go over your options. Egg donation may be recommended in the following scenarios:

1. Advanced age: fertility naturally diminishes with age as changes start occurring in the ovaries
2. Diminished Ovarian Reserve (DOR): when the ovaries no longer produce quality eggs in adequate numbers. This generally occurs with ageing and menopause, but genetic abnormalities, medical treatments or injury may also lead to an earlier DOR 
3. Primary Ovarian Insufficiency (POI): women naturally experience reduced fertility around 40 years old but for those with POI, this starts earlier - in some cases even as early as the teenage years
4. Absence of the ovaries: due to surgery or a congenital malformation
5. Poor oocyte quality: an oocyte is an immature egg cell. During ovulation, the oocyte matures and becomes an egg. The number of oocytes decreases with age, as does their quality 
6. Poor embryo quality: this could be due to a genetic abnormality in the egg or sperm of the male or female partner, or a genetic abnormality in the embryo
7. Prevention of genetic diseases: if the intended parent is aware of a condition that could be inherited by the baby
8. Previous IVF failure: when IVF was attempted using one’s own eggs
9. Men: who are single or in a same sex relationship need the help of donor eggs to conceive

If a medical issue is keeping you from growing your family, the news that you will need an egg donor can be difficult to take. It’s important that, if necessary, you seek support to come to terms with the news and to discuss the way forward. It’s also completely understandable that you may feel wary of using an egg donor for some time, but chances are the desire to have a baby will help you overcome your reservations and concerns. 

So, give yourself the time you need. Remember that, donor eggs or not, you will still 1,000,000% be your child’s parent. And then once you and your partner feel ready, it’s time to start searching for the ideal egg donor, one that matches all of your preferences.

Look for Part 2 Factors to consider when selecting an egg donor

About Eran Amir

With more than 20 years of experience, Eran Amir has worked as both a software development and product management executive in Israel and the Greater New York Area. The development of GoStork combines his professional skill set with a personal mission. After undergoing a long, difficult, and costly process to expand his family via surrogacy and egg donation, Amir vowed to help other intended parents avoid the complexity and confusion he experienced. His passion led to the creation of GoStork, which proudly names Amir’s two-year-old daughter as its co-founder.

Kids and Surrogacy, What Do They Need to Know?

It's very important to talk to kids about surrogacy, whether it's as a surrogate mother or an intended parent, all children need to know the who, what, when and whys of surrogacy!  IP's may have a child of their own and wonder how to explain that another baby will be joining their family but Mom will not be pregnant.They may be looking ahead into the future and think about the day that they, the IP's, will talk to their child about how they came into this world and their own family. I will address this in a future blog with examples of how other IP's have approached this difficult topic.

 

For now, as a mother and a potential carrier, it's important that everyone is on-board in your household regarding your surrogacy. You may have children who are too young to even understand what a pregnancy is...a 2 or 3 year old may just need to know the bare minimum....and except it as the norm. I know that my daughter at age 3 would go around telling anyone who would listen that her mommy was carrying a baby for Ms. K and it wasn't ours! This made an interesting conversation in the Sears check out line! Honestly, it's the older children most affected. Their pregnant mother will be exposed to their friends, neighbors, teachers, church family and cub/girl scout leaders! Pregnant and not with a baby that belongs to Dad! With no intentions of bringing it home from the hospital! Ask your 8 year old to explain THAT situation! or your 13 or 17 year old for that matter!

 

When I approached my teenager about being a surrogate for others,  I had some explaining to do regarding HOW I was going to get pregnant with another couple's baby in the first place. I first told him about the couple and the circumstances. Then I explained the medical procedure in layman's terms. (Which is all I knew at the time) I used the analogy of donating my body to carry a baby for 9 months and then getting my body back. He really was very supportive and as long as he wasn't getting another sibling, he was quite happy! (needless to say that he had his hands full already with his own little sister! ) I think that for the most part, children are very giving and understanding regarding surrogacy. They think 'why wouldn't everyone want to have a baby/kid/child because look at how happy I make MY OWN PARENTS!'

 

Many surrogates, including me, have said to their younger kids 'MS. ___'s tummy is broken and so she needs me to carry her baby for her and then I will give this baby to her/his parents in the hospital'. Very simple and to the point. There may be follow up questions but nothing that you can't handle. There are several books out there as well for younger children. One of those books I wrote called Surrogacy Helps Make a Family Grow! which will help your child understand the surrogacy concept, and give the tools on how to explain what you are doing, to his/her own friends. Just remember to be consistent throughout your pregnancy stating to your children often that this baby is NOT yours, not a member of your family, how happy and excited the IP's are and the fact that he/she will NOT be living in your home after it's born.

 

The most important thing is to make your surrogacy a family event! Be PROUD because you are giving a gift that will keep on giving forever....and your family will be your support, your foundation, your strength as you go through a pregnancy for another couple, helping them to realize their own goals...to have a family just like YOURS!

 

On a side note, a great agency will also help you through the surrogacy process and also be supportive and have invaluable information and guidance throughout! Family Inceptions is just one of those agencies and I invite you to contact us for more information on how you can give a gift that will forever change lives! 

The Surrogacy Process: A Timeline by Guest Blogger Eran Amir CEO and Founder of GoStork

 

Eran Amir
CEO and Founder of GoStork

Every day can feel like an eternity when you’ve been trying to grow your family for quite some time. Now that you’re considering surrogacy, asking “How long will the process take?” is completely normal. While specific timelines vary, a typical surrogacy journey lasts anywhere from 18 to 24 months. 

The surrogacy process is this long because it involves various stages and requires input from multiple professionals. The process also depends on a number of factors that fall outside of one’s control, such as a successful embryo transfer and pregnancy. In the grand scheme of things, it’s worth the wait - as each day gets you closer to hopefully welcoming your little one.

For many intended parents researching their surrogacy journey, creating a realistic timeline in advance is really helpful. Seeing the entire process broken down into smaller, achievable steps helps you focus on each stage and know when to expect the next. With that said, let’s get into the entire surrogacy process and the stages you should expect along the way, with approximate timelines for each:

Research Phase

The decision to build your family through surrogacy is a big one. And, as with all big decisions, research goes a long way. The time you need to weigh your family building options and to address any complicated feelings you (or your partner) may be dealing with is completely personal. When you’re sure that surrogacy is the right path for you, it’s time to decide whether to enlist the help of a surrogacy agency or go ahead on your own. Here are a few articles that can help you start to think this through:

• How do surrogacy agencies help intended parents?
• How do I choose a surrogacy agency that’s right for me?
• How can I finance surrogacy?

Consultation and Application: 1-3 Months

If you decide to work with a surrogacy agency for your journey, the first step is to choose the right one for you. Here’s one place GoStork can really help you save time: we’ve researched and vetted top surrogacy agencies across the US, so you don’t have to. Rather than managing accounts with multiple agencies, you can view (and easily compare side-by-side) many different options on our platform, including all of the important information about their services offered, ratings and reviews, number of babies born, team profiles and much more. We’re also the only place where you’ll see costs published upfront, saving you the time it takes to call agencies or attend initial consultations to get them. All of this combined reduces what used to take many weeks of research into as little as a few hours.

Once decided on your top choice (or choices), you can instantly message the agency or schedule a phone consultation, where you can discuss the surrogacy process and your wishes in more detail, get to know the staff, and start building a relationship with them. It’s important that you develop a good rapport - knowing you can trust the agency, and that its staff will help you manage any difficult situations that may arise. A service agreement is signed once you’re sure the agency is right for you. 

If needed, at this stage you will also match with an egg donor and create your embryo(s).  We also have a few articles that can help you start to think this part through:

• How to choose an egg donor
• Fresh or frozen donor eggs?
• How much does egg donation cost?
• The egg donor process for gay intended parents

Matching: 3-6 Months

The agency will ask you to complete an intended parent profile, which they will present to potential gestational carriers. (As a note of clarification: a gestational carrier is a woman who carries a pregnancy for someone else but has no biological link to the fetus. When the carrier also provides the egg, she is called a surrogate. Most surrogacy arrangements today are gestational surrogacies). The agency helps to find the most ideal carrier that meets the intended parents’ requirements and then presents the match to both parties. If everyone is happy with the match, the agency facilitates a meeting (which happens over a video conference in current times or if you don’t live close to each other) where you get to learn more about each other. If everyone’s excited about taking things further, the journey can officially begin! 

The length of this stage greatly depends on the criteria you have for your gestational carrier. If you’d prefer that she is a specific age, or from a specific location, for instance, this can lengthen the process. Some intended parents reach an agreement at the very first video call - others meet with more than one gestational carrier before finding a match.

Here’s another helpful article where you can learn more about the Essential Qualifications to be a Gestational Carrier.

Medical Screening and Contracts: 1-2 Months

A number of milestones mark the next few weeks, all of which have a big impact on the overall surrogacy process. 

The gestational carrier undergoes medical and psychological screening to ensure that all is well for her to carry a child and in general to successfully complete the surrogacy process. 

During this time, you will also work with your surrogacy attorney to draw up the surrogacy contract - while the gestational carrier simultaneously works with her own lawyer. Once all points are made clear and agreed upon, both parties sign the contract - another milestone successfully reached!

Embryo Transfer: 1-1.5 Months

Once the legal agreement has been finalized, the IVF clinic provides the gestational carrier with her protocol and the required medication. She is also advised on the monitoring required ahead of the embryo transfer. 

If you already have embryos available, this stage will take an estimated 4-6 weeks. For the embryo transfer itself, many parents choose to join their carrier and experience this important moment together - if they can’t be there in person, a video call is often organized. 

While we all hope for success at first try, in reality there are instances where the transfer is not successful. In that case, you will have to wait another 6-8 weeks before a second transfer attempt. 

Following the transfer, your gestational carrier visits the local clinic for beta tests until a heartbeat is confirmed. If you’d like more background, you can learn more about the IVF process, here: A step-by-step guide of the IVF process.

Pregnancy: 9-10 Months

Congratulations! Next up is the longest stage of the surrogacy journey, but also an amazing one. A full term pregnancy takes 40 weeks, but a couple of weeks would have already passed at the point the pregnancy is confirmed. Your gestational carrier will keep you updated as the pregnancy progresses. At this stage, she’s cared for by her own OBGYN. Depending on the legal framework in your gestational carrier’s state, your attorney may be able to start the pre-birth order process around the 16th to 20th week mark. We’ll go into more detail on this in a later section. 

If you’re considering breastfeeding (or if you’re reading here first that it’s even possible to breastfeed if you don’t carry the baby), you can speak to your doctor early on in the pregnancy about inducing lactation. In this article, Candace Wohl, infertility advocate, co-writer of Our Misconception blog, and mom to two daughters born via a gestational carrier, writes about her experience of deciding and then preparing to breastfeed.

As the pregnancy progresses, it’s time to create a birth plan, book any travel as required, and prepare the hospital bag including everything you need (carseat, etc) to take the baby home. A note on car seats: all states require parents to have a car seat before leaving the hospital - some hospitals offer car seat safety classes and can also check your seat for correct installation. For international parents, the surrogacy agency can help you source a car seat and any other baby gear you may need before you travel back to your home country. You should also take the time to research, interview and choose a pediatrician. Most hospitals ask for the name of the pediatrician as soon as your gestational carrier is admitted to deliver the baby. 

Birth and the Postpartum: 1.5-3 Months

When the doctor gives the all-clear, you can head home. International parents, however, will have to stay in the state the baby was born in for a few more weeks until all paperwork is complete and the baby has a passport. 

Establishing Parental Rights

The Uniform Parentage Act provides a legal framework for establishing parent-child relationships. Under this act, the woman who gives birth to the child is presumed to be the child’s mother, both biologically and legally. Because of this, the gestational carrier (and if applicable, her husband) have to formally establish that they are not the child’s parents. 

Once your baby is born the carrier and her partner sign and relinquish any rights they may have. Your attorney submits this documentation to the court, together with other paperwork to prove the baby’s parentage.

As noted earlier, in some states, the process of establishing parental rights can start before your little one’s birth. At around the 16th and 20th week of pregnancy, your attorney starts the pre-birth order process which establishes the baby’s legal parentage.

If one of the intended parents is not genetically related to the baby, they may need to complete an adoption, or (a more straightforward) stepparent or second-parent adoption. In cases where neither intended parent is related to the baby, a full adoption or embryo adoption is required.

In Conclusion

We’ve gone over all the main elements of the surrogacy journey so you should now have a better idea of what to expect. That said, this is a general outline: surrogacy is a very human and highly personal experience, with variables that can affect the overall length of the process. Focusing on each step as it comes and remaining flexible throughout will help you stress a bit less and be at peace with the fact that there may be some unexpected situations along the way. 

About Eran Amir

With more than 20 years of experience, Eran Amir has worked as both a software development and product management executive in Israel and the Greater New York Area. The development of GoStork combines his professional skillset with a personal mission. After undergoing a long, difficult, and costly process to expand his family via surrogacy, Amir vowed to help other intended parents avoid the complexity and confusion he experienced. His passion led to the creation of GoStork, which proudly names Amir’s two-year-old daughter as its co-founder.

Tips for a Successful Surrogacy Journey by Sharon LaMothe of LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting

A lot of knowledgeable surrogacy professionals contributed to this article on Tips for a Successful Surrogacy Journey. It's worth your while to read the entire thing!

 

Here's my contribution:

I feel that IPs underestimate the timeline as well as the cost. Depending on if they are working on an independent surrogacy journey or with an agency the timeline always seems to be off. If IPs are going independent then often times they underestimate what the budget should be for each step. They also make assumptions (in both cases) that the surrogate will become pregnant on the first round of IVF and will never need bed rest and everything associated with that. There are misconceptions on what a pregnant woman needs in order for her to carry for another couple. Oftentimes the rest of the surrogate’s family is in the background for the IP and they don’t realize how much support the husband gives and how children impact the entire journey.

As for women wanting to become surrogate, they often think that because they became pregnant so easily and had no real complications that the expectation is that the next pregnancy would be the same, smooth sailing, which is often not the case. Another mistake I see from surrogates that any complication they had with their own pregnancy would not be of interest or affect the outcome of a surrogacy pregnancy. They are often willing to overlook what “could happen” and wear rose-colored glasses so that if/when something unexpected turns up they are in complete shock. You’d think that this mindset would be caught during the mental health evaluation but sometimes it’s not.

Sharon is also the Owner of LaMothe Services, LLC, an ART business solutions service started in 2008 and is the proud founder of LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting, founded in 2010, aimed at teaching IPs and Surrogates about surrogacy and their options, risks & rewards.

www.lamothesurrogacyconsulting.com
@SharonLaMothe

Pros and Cons of Self Matching: Advice for Surrogates and Intended Parents Guest Post By Amanda Kinnard-Fuchsgruber of Colorado Surrogacy

Self-matching, I get it, I have been there myself!  Agencies can be really expensive on top of an already expensive process.  It can be overwhelming and somewhat like walking into the great-unknown.  I, like many others, self-matched because I was a surrogate for friends, but some self-match with people they never knew before this process, like Amber [https://www.montanasurro.com/meet-the-staff], intake coordinator for Montana Surrogacy.  Matching entities are a great asset, but you can still do it all yourself, if you have to.

The biggest pro of using an agency is that a good one will make the process as seamless and stress free as possible.  Ideally, they’ll make you feel like it was so easy you *could* have self-matched because they’ve handled everything behind the scenes so well that you thought the process was a piece of cake!  [Of course, that also leaves you able to be relaxed and focused on the best parts: bonding as a match, enjoying the pregnancy and watching your Intended Parents get ready to bring that sweet baby home!]  Even if your surrogacy experience isn’t seamless, because, let’s face it, life happens, an agency will be there every step of the way anticipating and managing the issues that come up, both big and small, and using their experience to guide you through the process.

The main reason people cite for not using a matching entity to match is that it saves the intended parents money.  Sometimes people also feel like a matching entity is a bit cumbersome and want to cut out the middle man or the third party. However, the con to that is that it leaves you little or no buffer during this process, especially for the hard conversations and parts of the process, such as number of embryos to transfer, termination, money, special requests and other preferences. The clinic or lawyers can help with some of these conversations, but they rarely are able to give it the full and honest discussion and mediation that it deserves, especially as often a clinic or lawyer may also have a vested interest in one side or another.  In my personal experience as an independent journey, I was friends with my IPs long before surrogacy came up and sometimes it was still hard to talk with them about how I was feeling or what I needed because this is a unique and stressful process.

Another potential huge con with self-matching is that all the pieces involved in the process are on you. That means that contacting the clinic, knowing the next steps, finding a lawyer, keeping up with your med calendar, everything; it’s all on you.  And as the adage goes: You don’t know what you don’t know.   That leaves a chance that if you aren’t well educated in surrogacy an important step could be missed. Self-matching is always an option, and works really well for a number of people, it’s just an option to be cautious of because there are some steps that are vitally important to the process.

Even if self-matching, these things are very important:

• Each Party – IPs and GC must have their own attorney (one of the attorneys must be in the state in which the baby will be born) – A good lawyer would NEVER allow either party to not have their own representation
• Baby needs to be born in a state in which IPs can legally be named the parents (through a pre-birth order or other appropriate legal documents), the following link is a map about laws and surrogacy friendly states: https://www.creativefamilyconnections.com/us-surrogacy-law-map/
• Escrow/expense account should be established for any cost reimbursement, the surrogate should never have to ask or wait for money, most lawyers will require this. If going independent it’s tempting to skip this step, but it’s all the more vital without the buffer of an agency to have a neutral party managing the money.
• Health insurance review – You want a professional to ensure the surrogate’s insurance is surrogate friendly and not have a lien or exclusionary clause.

All that being said, it can be done! I did it and so did Amber!  The end goal is to help someone with their dream of growing their family whether self-matching or using a matching entity.

Amanda Kinnard-Fuchsgruber is a Case Manager for Colorado Surrogacy [www.coloradosurro.com].  She lives with her husband and two boys.  She was a previous gestational carrier for friends on an independent journey and still loves getting updates on how he’s growing and thriving- you can hear all about her journey here [https://soundcloud.com/iwtpabiy/episode-38-amanda-kinnard-fuchsgrubers-surrogacy-journeya-viewpoint-on-independent-matches].

 

Five Pieces of Advice for First-Time Surrogates a Guest Post from David Bull of My Surrogate Mom

The day you chose to become a surrogate is a thrilling milestone in your life. From this moment forward, you will be forever changed. The change is not superficial—strangers won’t notice it on the street—but this decision changes lives.

Once you have accepted the fact that you’ll be helping create or grow a family and make some intended parents’ dreams come true, you need to start thinking about the realities headed your way.

1. Find Out if Surrogacy Is Right for You

Surrogacy is a rewarding but challenging process that will require a one-year commitment at least. You need to learn as much as possible to know if this experience is right for you. If you find during the research phase that you’re not comfortable with all the aspects involved in the surrogacy process, then it might not be the right option for you.

2. Ask a Lot of Questions

Throughout the process, you should be doing two things: staying calm and asking as many questions as possible. Before meeting with agencies, doctors, or lawyers, write down your questions and concerns so that you remember them in the moment. Remember that in this process, there are no silly questions!

3. Be Positive

Once you know the right things to ask, you’ll be ready to embrace the positive aspects of surrogacy. The advantages of becoming a surrogate will change from woman to woman because many different motivators can lead to such a giving sacrifice. It can be a gratifyingly reward to know that you are helping someone achieve their parenthood dream.

4. Accept the Possible Obstacles

It would be wrong to say that every part of the surrogacy journey is positive for both the prospective parents and the surrogate. This journey has its highs and lows, and doing your research beforehand and being totally aware of all that the surrogacy process involves, both physically and psychologically, will help you have a smoother experience.

5. Prepare Yourself and Look for Support

Once you decide to move ahead, it’s time to prepare yourself emotionally and physically for what is to come. Also, look for support from surrogacy specialists and former surrogates.

By embracing these steps throughout your surrogacy journey, you can fully embrace your decision to give the gift of life as a surrogate.

 

www.MySurrogateMom.com is the first independent surrogacy community in the US and Canada. Finding the right surrogate mother, egg donor, or intended parents is an extremely personal process. We have created this space to help you connect with your surrogacy soulmate. In our surrogacy community, we work to provide the tools and information needed to help match extraordinary surrogate mothers and selfless egg donors with prospective intended parents.

3 Ways to Save on IVF Costs By Guest Blogger Amanda Rondez

IVF is a multi-step laboratory procedure that helps in the successful fertilization of an egg outside of the body, mimicking natural fertilization and encouraging a normal pregnancy and childbirth to occur.

The rate of success for one cycle of IVF varies, depending on the age of the female. The average IVF patient goes through two cycles of IVF, meaning the total cost of IVF is typically between $40,000 to $60,000. Here’s a more detailed breakdown of IVF costs, including procedures and medications. 

The combination of procedure costs, medications, and multiple cycles can add up to be quite expensive. Here are three ways to manage IVF costs.

• 1. Check if your insurance covers fertility procedures

• It is important to speak to your insurance provider to discuss the specifications of your coverage as coverage for IVF costs varies greatly depending on company, state, and plan.

As of August 2020, 19 states have mandated fertility insurance laws with 13 of them including IVF coverage. Each state has different coverage, and depending on the company, an insurance plan may not be bound to fertility insurance laws.

The International Foundation of Employee Benefit Plans released results from a 2018 survey that found 31% of employers with 500 or more employees offer some form of fertility benefits. 

2. Apply to a fertility financing program

If your insurance does not fully cover the cost of IVF, there are other ways to reduce expenses. Many programs and non-profit organizations provide financial support options to those struggling with infertility.

Reproductive Medical Associates (RMA) has an extensive IVF program and fertility financing services that connect couples to a variety of different lending and payment plans. The National Infertility Association has also compiled a list of infertility financing programs.

Grants through non-profit organizations are another mode of financial support. Well-known non-profits in the infertility community include Parental Hope, BabyQuest, Cade Foundation, and Bundled Blessings. Receiving a grant is not guaranteed as there is an application process, but it doesn’t hurt to apply. 

3. Use coupons for fertility medications: 

From birth control pills to follicle-stimulating hormones such as Follistim and Gonal-F, medications are a large part of the total cost of IVF.

The first step in saving money on medications is speaking to your insurance company or referring to your plan’s drug formulary to see if the medications are covered.

If they are not covered, there are still options to reduce drug costs, such as savings cards, coupons, and patient assistance programs. You can contact the drug manufacturers and ask about coupons or patient assistance programs or search for them online. For instance, the Compassionate Care Program by EMD Serono can save eligible patients up to 75% off Gonal-F.

SingleCare is a prescription savings card that also reduces the price of many IVF medications. See a full table of IVF medication coupons here.

Amanda Rondez
singlecare.com | rxsense.com
99 High Street, Suite 2800 | Boston, MA 02110
e: arondez@rxsense.com

Confessions of an Apprehensive Intended Parent by Guest Blogger Susanna Gedaro, Owner of Special Deliveries, LLC

“You worked with a… a… surrogate??? You mean… like… *that movie*???”

If I had a penny for every time I heard that, I’d be a millionaire.

Embedded in that question are so, so many others. Questions like:

What if she turns out to be crazy? Aren’t you worried she will use drugs or drink heavily during the pregnancy?

Aren’t you afraid she will try to keep the baby? Does she have any legal rights to the baby?

What will her emotional connection be with the baby, will there be any sort of weird co parenting arrangement with her forevermore?

Do you have to keep in touch with her after the pregnancy is over?            

Are you going to bond with the baby the same way?                         

What will you tell the child about this?

Are you *really* going to be the parent(s)? I mean… the REAL parent(s)? In every sense?

 

My friends and family were mostly completely unfamiliar with having a baby via Gestational Carrier, it seemed weird to nearly everyone I knew and they were worried on my behalf. Nobody, me included, didn’t know what we didn’t know. The only exposure most people have to surrogacy is either “Baby Mama” or a million lifetime movies where everything that could possibly go wrong, did. So I decided to take the opportunity in this article to address some common fears and worries from an IP perspective.

First, let’s talk about all those movies. Pretty much everything that could go wrong did in them. But here’s the thing to remember, when things go wrong that’s when they make a movie about it, otherwise there’s no dramatic storyline. When things in surrogacy (more typically) go right, there’s nothing particularly dramatic for people to salivate over and repeat to each other.  It’s reminds me of that often heard “Oh, just adopt and then you’ll get pregnant.” While there is so much just inherently wrong in this statement, starting with the fact that it implies that an adopted child is only a means to having a biological child as opposed to fulfilling dreams of parenthood themselves, not to mention perpetuating the myth that “just relaxing” cures infertility, statistically speaking, that statement is utterly and completely false anyway. The rate of people who spontaneously become pregnant (after struggling with infertility) post adoption is the same as for those who have struggled with infertility who do not choose to adopt. In this situation, if there’s no unexpected pregnancy, there’s nothing to talk about. When there is something unexpected that happens, people naturally talk about it and this makes it seem like this is far more common than it actually is. The same is true for surrogacy arrangements gone sour and/or which completely go off the rails. So take every movie you’ve ever seen on this subject and permanently throw it into your mental dumpster. Now set it on fire and walk away!

Now let’s get to answering these questions…

1. What if the surrogate turns out to be crazy and/or drink heavily/use drugs during the pregnancy?

This is a fear that is not solely that of IP’s, GC’s can have this same fear about IP’s being mentally unstable. And let’s face it, there can be bad apples and scammers on both sides of this. This fear however, can be eliminated by working with a good agency that you trust.

For my four journeys I matched independently, mainly for financial reasons. I wanted to save money by not paying an agency fee and thought I could find a GC on my own just as easily. Yet again, I didn’t know what I didn’t know because both of those assumptions on my part turned out to be patently untrue and, in hindsight, doing things differently would have saved me a lot of money and, more importantly, a lot of heartbreak and wasted time. First, I had a friend offer and then back out which, emotionally, was just like another miscarriage. I then found someone who I thought was a great fit, I visited her at home, met her kids, did contracting and started the process. She passed the psych evaluation and medical clearance with flying colors. It was a fresh cycle so we had started meds when her email bounced. I thought that was odd but waited a few days and emailed again. Same result. Then I called her and found her phone was disconnected. I assumed she had had a change of heart and just didn’t want to tell me. I was crushed but then called the insurance company through which I had purchased a medical plan for her. Since there had been no claims made on it they offered to refund it, however they would only refund it to the person on the policy, namely her. I explained over and over the situation and escalated it several times but they wouldn’t budge and cut the check to her and mailed it to her. They confirmed that it had been cashed a few weeks later and I never heard from her again. Change of heart or original plan, she scammed me. I lost all the money from the insurance company deposit in addition to all the money from the canceled IVF cycle including medications. All this alone easily would have paid for an agency fee, a few times over. The next candidate I met I saw the red flags for before agreeing to match with her but I’m certain she was not on the up and up because too many parts of her story did not add up. The fourth woman I met seemed great until I discovered that she had contracted with an agency but was also looking for IP’s on her own at the same time, so she was being dishonest with the agency. It was at this point I believe, that I called up a good friend who had experience with surrogacy, owner of this blog, Sharon LaMothe. I’m not sure if she remembers the phone call but I remember being in tears that I now had four failed independent matches under my belt and wondered out loud if this would ever work or if I was just cursed. Sharon listened to all of it and, in between my sobs, gave me several pieces of great advice and was incredibly kind throughout. Though she wasn’t running an agency at the time (I would have signed on in a heartbeat if she had been) she gave me the name of a woman she knew who had been a GC before and might be interested in being a Gestational Carrier again. This woman ultimately became my first GC.

Though my four successful matches were all done independently and ultimately all worked out exceptionally well, in hindsight I would have saved myself a lot of heartbreak and countless months of wasted time had I just gone with an agency in the first place. Before I met the GC that Sharon introduced me to, I had spent countless hours of my time interviewing potential matches, driving all over the place (and paying for hotels, gas, restaurant meals etc.) so I could meet them and wasted months in a search that a good agency would have done far more efficiently and far more competently as well.  Not only will a good agency screen Gestational Carriers (and IP’s) to make sure everyone is on the up and up and in the right frame of mind, they will make sure a GC is not a drug user or smoker, does not drink heavily during the pregnancy, ensure a GC passes a psychological/mental health evaluation and does not carry any communicable diseases. The agency will also actually (counter intuitively, I know) save IP’s money both in avoiding scams, not paying travel costs for interviews and save a whole lot of time and potentially heartbreak as well. That’s just the tip of the iceberg regarding what a good agency will do, however that’s better left for a different article.

2. Are you worried she will try to keep the baby? Does she have any legal rights to do so?

This question always makes me laugh because when I think of my GC’s nothing seems more ludicrous. Now granted, when they are faceless, nameless women in your head and just the *idea* of a GC as opposed to a specific actual living, breathing woman, yes, that can be a scary thought. But the reality is that most Gestational Carriers are motivated by altruism. They want to help another family and get great satisfaction from doing so. But even if that weren’t the case, a typical surrogate is pretty fertile. If she wanted another baby, she would just have one of her own, she wouldn’t want mine. Finally, my Gestational Carriers gave birth in a surrogacy friendly state so, even if she wanted to, she legally could not keep my children since she did not have a genetic/biological connection to any of them. This again goes back to working with a good agency who will refer you to a lawyer who has experience in surrogacy law in the state your Gestational Carrier lives in and will ensure that the Gestational Carrier understands and is prepared for any potential post-birth emotions.

As a side note, most of the legal issues arise with traditional surrogacy as opposed to gestational surrogacy. In traditional surrogacy the surrogate is also the genetic/biological mother of the child because her own eggs have been used to create the embryo/pregnancy. In gestational surrogacy, the woman who carries the baby, the Gestational Carrier, has no genetic connection to the baby she is carrying since her eggs were not used to create the pregnancy. Traditional surrogacy has largely fallen out of favor mainly due to the legal gray areas that are inherent to that process. Even if Intended Parents do not have eggs readily available, they will generally contract with an egg donor (who is a different person than their Gestational Carrier) and use her eggs to create their embryos, which will then be transferred to the uterus of the Gestational Carrier.

3. What will her emotional connection be with the baby, will there be any sort of weird co-parenting arrangement with her forevermore?

This is another one that, in hindsight, makes me laugh because knowing what I know now, a weird co-parenting arrangement is also utterly ludicrous. Going into a surrogacy arrangement everyone should understand that as soon as the baby is born, things are nearly exactly as if the IP(s) had given birth. The baby immediately goes on the insurance plan of the IP(s), they make all medical decisions for the baby, obviously name the baby and then take him/her home as soon as the hospital releases him/her. There is no co-parenting whatsoever, the IP(s) are the only parents of the child in every sense.

As far as the emotional connection to the child, this no doubt varies a bit from GC to GC. My GC’s have told me that they feel exactly the same towards my children as they would about the children of any other close friend. They are happy the child has loving parents and rightfully proud that they could help the IP’s grow their family in this way but also go into this knowing that they child is not theirs, therefore there are no parental feelings towards the baby from the Gestational Carrier nor would any feel like they should have any input on parental/family decisions regarding the child.

4. Do you have to keep in touch with her after the pregnancy is over?

In a word, no. There is no obligation to keep in touch in any way, to write letters, share photos etc. as there can be with other situations like open adoptions. That said, as an IP, yes, I do feel gratitude towards my GC’s. They gave me my children, how could I not be grateful?! Before they came into my life, I had experienced the devastation of infertility and multiple miscarriages and these women were the only ones who reached out and helped me out of that terrible place. Each one of them embodied the spirit of altruism and kindness in ways that most people can’t ever even comprehend. Most people simply do not have it in them to give such a huge gift to another family that start out as strangers. So no, I don’t HAVE to keep in touch with any of them, but my personal feelings are “why *wouldn’t* I want to?”. These are some of the kindest, most empathetic women on the planet! I’m honored and grateful for their continued friendship and they are the kind of people who are my first choice to keep in my life. All four became good friends along the way and I was very lucky in that all four now feel like the sisters I never had. My final GC in fact, is now also my business partner and we’ve opened our own surrogacy consulting agency called Special Deliveries, LLC.

That said, that doesn’t always happen. Sometimes both sides are content post birth to allow the relationship to cool. And that’s ok too. A good surrogacy arrangement is one where all parties know and agree on what to expect before, during and post pregnancy.

5. Are you going to bond with the baby the same way?

I was very lucky in that I was able to have one live birth, unfortunately with multiple miscarriages both before and after, prior to pursuing surrogacy. I can tell you from experience that my feelings towards my oldest child and my feelings towards the children I have via surrogacy are exactly the same. Whether I gave birth to them or not had absolutely zero effect on my bonding with them and the maternal love I feel for each one of them.                                        

6. What will you tell the child about this?

The answer to this question obviously will vary with the age of the child, however I believe in being open with them about their origins. Starting from the time they were old enough to have a conversation about it, I let them know using age appropriate language that I did not give birth to them, “mom’s tummy is broken” eventually became “I had had several miscarriages” as they got older.  Given that my Gestational Carriers are still in my life, this was easier because I could just tell them that XYZ gave birth to them. I am not ashamed of how my children came into the world and I think it’s important to normalize it for their sake. Sure, it’s not how babies typically arrive into the world, but maybe that makes their grand entrance even more special, and it sure as heck proves, without a shadow of a doubt, how much they were loved and hoped for, dreamed of and wanted, and loved for years before they were born. Now isn’t *that* a pretty awesome birth story that any child can feel good about?

7. Are you *really* going to be the parent(s)? I mean… the REAL parent(s)? In every sense?

This one is easy: YES! FINALLY! YES!

Ok, that’s an easy answer so let me expound a bit on it…  First, you may question the sanity of the nurses at the hospital for letting you leave with this baby and entrusting you to take care of this perfect little being. Can’t they see you don’t have the slightest idea what you’re doing? Yet somehow you will make it through that first night home with your baby and every night thereafter. You will wonder every day if you’re doing things right and you’ll make many, many mistakes along the way. As the days turn into weeks and months and then years you will find your groove, love your child more each day and more than you ever thought it was possible to love another human being and become the best parent to your unique child. Your weirdness will match and align with their weirdness. You will be the person who makes their favorite meals, teaches them to ride a bike and cleans up the vomit on the sheets at 3am. And they will try your patience, oh how they will try your patience and turn your hair gray! But at the end of the day, you will go to bed knowing that every day with this child is infinitely better than any day you lived through without them in your life and you won’t ever regret a single moment. So, in a word, yes, you will be the real parent, in every sense there is.

 

Susanna Gedaro is the happy mother of 7 children, 6 of whom arrived via gestational surrogacy following years of failed fertility treatments and multiple miscarriages. She matched independently four times with four amazing gestational carriers, the final one of which was Tracy King.  Susanna has been a local Resolve volunteer and leader since 2000 and continues to lead Central Florida Resolve meetings, which assist people in coping with infertility. Tracy King is a gestational carrier who matched twice, once with an agency and once independently, and gave birth in 2014 to Susanna's beautiful, healthy youngest daughter.

Susanna is an engineer by training and worked in the field for many years. Tracy spent several decades in the business sector, both in Human Resources and real estate and still holds an active Florida real estate license. Tracy and Susanna have been speakers on surrogacy both jointly and separately at several local and national events and have helped many, many people achieve their dreams of a family along the way over the years. Currently they co-own the surrogacy consulting agency Special Deliveries, LLC, LLC in Orlando, Florida and are proud members of SEEDS, (Society for Ethics in Egg Donation and Surrogacy) and the ASRM (The American Society for Reproductive Medicine).

Susanna and Tracy continue to not only be business partners, former IP/GC matches, but also BFFs. Because of their combined experience with both sides of this process, IP and GC, they understand this process inside and out and from all angles and utilize that experience to ensure their clients have as joyful and fulfilling journeys as they have had themselves.

 

Thinking About Your Future Relationship With Your Surrogate or Your Donor: a Guest Post by Lisa Schuman, LCSW of The Center for Family Building

Thinking about your future relationship with your surrogate or your donor at the beginning of your journey?

The answer to this question for most people is a hard no.  When beginning the process of building a family, it is common to feel reluctant to discuss these subjects.  This is understandable as there are often many consuming stresses that take center stage. 

If the patients are a heterosexual couple, infertility or a medical problem is often the catalyst that has led them to their next steps. If they are a gay couple there are often hefty costs involved and sometimes frustration about the need to seek treatment and cope with all they need to learn. If the patient is a single person he or she may feel conflicted about parenting alone, stressed by finances and unsolicited advice. Patients are also often still feeling the sting of relinquishing the family they thought they would always have.  These experiences may only be the tip of the painful or frustrating iceberg. Given all of this, it’s no wonder why patients are hesitant to spend time thinking about what their needs may be in years to come. However, it is worthwhile, for many reasons.  I will share two in this blog.

Typically, people who use a surrogate and an egg donor, develop a relationship with their surrogate and think more about maintaining that bond then developing a relationship with their donor.  For infertile women, beginning a relationship with a donor can feel threatening or hurtful. Gay or single men may be overwhelmed by the process or not feel the need to develop the relationship with their donor.  However, it is worthwhile to think about how the children will feel. It’s true, that most children ask whose tummy they grew in but it is likely that, over the course of their lives, they will be more interested in their donor than their surrogate.  Medical questions and thoughts about inherited traits will come up through the child’s life.  The child may or may not feel strongly about searching but these issues will surface at some point.

Not everyone wants to meet their donor.  However, if the intended parents are able to connect with their donor while she is still young, and often willing, they can establish a connection that may benefit them in several ways. The donor may be willing to be contacted later but like most of us, the donor may change in decades to come and may not feel invested in connecting when she has a full life and possibly children of her own. Connecting with her early on will not only give the parents to be an opportunity to learn things about the donor that they can tell their child but can help the donor form a connection to the parents to be.  This connection may motivate her to connect with the parents or the child in later years. In my work with donor conceived children, I see over and over, how nice it is to have that information and a life book filled with anecdotes about how they came into the world.  At www.familybuilding.net we have created a life book specifically for this purpose. I also see parents to be experience memorable moments with their donors and donors who feel even more positively about their donation after meeting with the intended parents.

Frequently, intended parents also feel burdened by creating a structured weekly Skype or face time call with their surrogates.  They want the relationship to grow organically. Yet, many families experience a honeymoon period with their surrogate and this does not always last.  Very often, once the initial excitement of the positive pregnancy test wears down, everyone gets busy and it is far too easy to fall into the trap of only talking about the pregnancy.  If this happens, the relationship can feel more like a business relationship than a friendship.

It’s hard to remember that this relationship is not like falling in love. It is more like an arranged marriage and in order to develop a good foundation, all parties need time to get to know each other.  If they do, they not only have the opportunity to create a beautiful story for their child but they may shield themselves against potential problems.  Hopefully nothing will go wrong, but if something does, it is much easier to raise difficult topics with someone who feels more like a friend than a business associate.  For more information on this subject, see our video, “Surrogacy Steps: A Five Part Series to Have a Better Relationship with Your Gestational Carrier”.  Having a professional nurture your surrogate and help her can feel cared for is an incredible gift for the intended parents and the surrogate.  LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting can help all parties manage the experience and ensure issues are managed before they become problems.

Beginning the journey to have a child with third party reproduction is not easy. By the time people start their journey, they are eager to move ahead as quickly as possible.  Slowing down for a moment to ponder these issues may feel frustrating in the moment but the investment they make in the beginning can pay off in spades in the future.

 

About Lisa Schuman, LCSW: Lisa is founding Director of The Center for Family Building and Director of Mental Health Services at Reproductive Medicine Associates of Connecticut

Ms. Schuman is former Chair of the Egg Freezing Task Force for the Mental Health Professional Group of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine and is a former board member of the American Fertility Association. 

Ms. Schuman has won several awards for her research, has lectured extensively and has written numerous articles on a variety of family building subjects including LBGTQ and single parent family building.  She runs on line groups, counsels parents and parents to be and leads workshops for children who joined their families through gamete donation or adoption.

 

What to Expect from Your Surrogacy Agency

 

 

Most surrogacy agencies have a wonderful wealth of knowledge and experience. They have the connections and contacts plus the time and the staff to assist their clients through the most difficult of surrogacy journeys. However, if you are planning to hire a surrogacy agency then expect to pay anywhere from $18k-$50K depending on the services offered, how long that agency has been in business, and the size of the agency. This usually does not include the surrogate compensation, medical, legal, or mental health professionals, etc.  A Surrogacy Consultant, like myself, will also assist with a lot of these steps but only after the Intended Parents have found their own surrogate (be it from an Internet search, through a friend or working with a family member). It can be significantly less expensive with a consultant if you are also willing to put some time and effort into the process.

First Steps:

 

(Usually Free) Consultations with Intended Parents which includes education on the surrogacy process

IP retains Surrogacy Agency Services

Agency then will do the following:

Advertise for the surrogates that Intended Parents are looking for. This can be based on the following:

location
working/stay at home mother
has insurance
age/bmi range
willing to pump breast milk
willing to carry twins
term or no term
selective reduction or none
married or single 
healthy (no smoking or vaping, drugs, medications, psychological issues, pregnancy issues, etc.)
not on government assistance
range of compensation
experienced or first time GC

no criminal history

healthy pregnancies
etc

Once an agency finds a qualified surrogate then the following screening process starts:

Surrogate application review
Interview and education on the Surrogacy process

Make sure that Surrogate has had a pap and a physical in the last year including an infectious disease panel

Make sure that the surrogate has clearance from her OB stating that she is healthy enough to carry a pregnancy to term 
Request medical records from all of her OB's (this can include several states and OBs depending on how many children she has and how many states she has lived in)
Have a RN or other medical professional review all medical records
Run federal background checks on all parties and everyone living in the home that is over 18
Verify/review medical insurance or find insurance that is surrogacy friendly
Finding a reproductive mental health professional for the psychological evaluation for her and her husband/partner
Home assessment

The matching process begins and that includes the following:

Making sure the GC/surrogate is matched with someone that agrees with all she is looking for and the same with the IP (as close as possible)
sharing profiles
answering questions
if a no, then find another possible match
if a yes, set up a conference call
if a no, then find another possible match 
if a yes, set up a face to face meeting or a video conference call

if a no, start over
if a yes, move on to medical evaluation which includes the following:
*prepare match sheet
*sending medical records to the clinic
*making sure GC and partner know what to expect and that they will be reimbursed for time at clinic
*making phone calls on behalf of all parties to move things forward in a timely manner 
if medical evaluation goes well, group psychological consult
if a no, start at the beginning for no extra charge
arranging life and disability policies if not done already
if all goes well, start the contracts where the agency should help with the following:
*finding 2 qualified reproductive attorneys in the right areas for the match
*send over all agreements between IPs and GC/surrogate on termination, selective reduction, compensation, expectations,etc.
* assist in setting up the escrow account for the GC/surrogate and telling the IP how much needs to be deposited and when (also in the contract)

When contracts are signed and escrow is funded, it's on the medical team at the IP's clinic to assist Gestational Carrier and IP as they get ready for transfer day-the agency is there to do the following:

support all parties as they get ready for transfer
encourage GC through her meds and answer questions and trouble shoot any problems
being available to IP and GC as transfer takes place along with the 2 week wait
often agencies send transfer packages out to GC and answer logistic questions

After transfer agency's are still supporting their IP and GC throughout the beta and confirmation of pregnancy
if no pregnancy, then start over at transfer (and continue to do that until pregnancy is achieved)
if pregnancy is never achieved, agency will rematch IP if desired and usually will start at the beginning

If there IS a pregnancy then agency is responsible for the following:

supporting all parties through their time at the clinic
assisting with a smooth transition from clinic to OB
supporting all parties throughout pregnancy which can include:
*encouraging the relationship between GC and IP to grow 
*attending appointments if IPs can't and if GC needs support
*making sure that bills are being paid on time or reimbursements are given in a timely manner (in communication with escrow company if needed)
*communicating with GC and IPs as needed via text, call, email or in person
*reminding everyone along the way of things that should be done and when such as hospital tours, talking with hospital social workers, checking escrow balance, support for bed rest or other issues 
*making sure GC is getting the attention she wants and needs, not micromanaging relationships
*bringing in mental health professional when needed
*being available if there is a miscarriage, still birth, or other emergency, giving advice and added support

At the end of the pregnancy, agency's are often at the birth or visit in the hospital and doing the following:

making sure the bills continued to be paid via the escrow,

reminding parties to send bills into insurance companies
GC/surrogate is recuperating well from labor and delivery
GC/surrogate is adjusting well to home life
IPs are adjusting well to baby and parenting offering advice and support as needed
continuing to support for the next few months as everyone gets back into their new normal

I might have left some steps out but the point is that agencies earn their pay and in most cases its under 2K per month. As most experienced IPs and GC's know, the entire process from start to finish can be 15-18 months and sometimes longer depending on how many transfers and delays take place. I work with Independent matches (IP's found own GC) and ALSO do most of these steps with the exception of matching. IPs and GC are more hands on when working with a consultant but it's less overwhelming and less cost. Only if you have the time or the experience would it be a good idea to go out on your own. This is a journey with, sometimes, overwhelming emotional reactions and it's always a good idea to have outside support from an expert. 

 

If you would like to know more, feel free to contact me for a free consultation at [email protected] 

 

 

Starting Your Journey in the Time of Covid Guest Post by Eran Amir, Founder of GoStork

It goes without saying that Covid-19 has brought unprecedented challenges: for many of us, the past several months have been far from easy. For those struggling with infertility, the pandemic created an extra layer of difficulties across the spectrum, from emotionally to financially, all of which intended parents could have done without. 

Yes, plans have been disrupted, and the normal life is on hold. But - as many of us have also realized - the pandemic is serving to remind us of what (and who) really matters. The simple things; a break from the fast-paced life, less time commuting, more time with our families, in addition to decreased monthly spend on activities, socializing, travel, etc., have all emerged as the unexpected silver lining.  

All of this is why now is actually a really good time to start planning your surrogacy journey.

Starting your surrogacy journey - extra time at home to do the research

Now is the ideal time to research and think about what you really want and when; where you see yourself as an individual, as a couple, as future intended parents, and what kind of relationship you want with your surrogate. Start your journey by researching; vet various surrogacy agencies, including their offerings and the price tag attached to their services. Learning all about surrogacy, the journey and roadmap ahead, and what options you’ll have to choose between along the way, will all help you make more informed decisions about your future. With more time on your hands, you can really delve into the agency comparison process as well as virtually meet with as many as you’d like, to assess which you’re most comfortable with.

Stay home, stay safe… and save money!

If anything, the pandemic made us realize how much money goes into day-to-day things (and also fun splurges) that we don’t really need while quarantined.

We’ve put so much on pause that the savings can really help towards a surrogacy journey -- so if building your family is your top priority, you can focus on these strange times in the positive light of contributing more towards that goal. It’s also a good time to research financing options and apply for grants and loans that can help you achieve your dream of parenthood.  More details on that below!

Options for financing your surrogacy journey

A number of surrogacy agencies offer in-house financing options to help intended parents manage the cost of surrogacy. This assistance can take the form of low-interest loans taken out with partner lending companies or payments through monthly installments. Apart from these options, there are also others:

1. Surrogacy Loans

Loans can help you cover the costs of surrogacy. It can be through traditional lines of credit, such as home equity loans and credit cards, or through organizations that offer financing options specifically for fertility treatments and surrogacy. Here are just a few sources to review if you’d like to explore securing a loan:

• Home equity loans
• 401(k) plans
• Credit cards
• Family members (only if you feel comfortable)

2. Fertility Financing Loans

Certain financial organizations specialize in financing fertility treatment and this can be applied to surrogacy, a few examples include:

• CapexMD 
• Future Family 
• Lending Club 
• New Life Fertility Finance 
• Prosper Healthcare Lending 

3. Surrogacy Grants

While a surrogacy grant isn’t as easy to secure as some of the above options, they are worth considering. You would have to meet specific qualifications to be selected but here are a few to check out:

• Baby Quest Foundation – Offers financial assistance to those who can’t afford the high costs of gestational surrogacy.
• Family Formation Charitable Trust (AARTA) – Offers financial assistance to individuals pursuing surrogacy.
• Journey to Parenthood Grant – Awarded to couples and individuals building their family through advanced fertility treatments, including surrogacy. 
• Pay it Forward Fertility Grants – Available to intended parents interested in surrogacy.
• Tinina Q. Cade Foundation Family Building Grant – Provides up to $10,000 to low-income couples wishing to build their families through reproductive technology.

4. Fundraising

Whether it’s a Go Fund Me Page, a fundraiser Facebook page, or any creative event to help you raise the needed funds, if you have supportive family and friends willing to spread the word, fundraising efforts can help. A couple of ideas are:

• Host an online fundraiser - People could easily contribute in lieu of giving you birthday or holiday gifts. Send out personal emails all about your family building goals and get people excited to contribute on or by a certain date.  Setting a timeline and creating a little ‘marketing buzz’ even within your own community can get people excited to be involved and then hear about how it went.

• Plan a (socially distanced) garage sale, or sell items online – Now’s the time to turn unwanted items into cash and to get creative - online sales are up in general with people staying home!

Asking other parents who have already experienced the process may help you identify fundraising ideas as well. 

5. Other elements to consider

• Tax Law - You should look into tax law as it relates to surrogacy, specific to your state. Tax law surrounding surrogacy is cloudy, both at a federal and state level. It’s possible that some of your medical expenses related to your surrogacy are deductible if they exceed a certain point. However, it’s best to consult with your accountant or tax professional to learn more about the taxation policies that regulate the exchange of money related to surrogacy. 

• Savings Account - No matter how you start putting the funds together, it’s important to put that money into a safe place. A dedicated savings account solely for paying all of your surrogate fees is a smart move. It’s also a big help if you have a budget in mind so you know exactly how much you need to set aside.

In Conclusion

When it comes to the first steps in one’s surrogacy roadmap, this pandemic has provided ample time to be present, to consider options, and to save towards the big goal!

We at GoStork are here to support - our platform is the only place where you can find, compare, and connect with the top surrogacy agencies across the US - all 100% free to use. We have created a one-of-a-kind comparison tool that allows intended parents to view agencies side-by-side and point-by-point for all important criteria, helping you get started on the right track. Our full cost breakdowns for each agency really helps you make more informed decisions when saving is a priority. Once you have your favorites, you can book your first appointment in seconds, right from our platform!  Find your ideal surrogacy agency, here.

About Eran Amir

With more than 20 years of experience in technology and management, Eran Amir has worked as a software development executive and product management executive for companies in Israel and the Greater New York Area. He also served as a major in the Israeli Defense Forces for five years, which refined and enhanced his leadership, strategy, and communication skills.

The development of GoStork combines his talents in technology and management with a personal mission. After undergoing a long, difficult, and costly process to expand his own family via surrogacy, Amir vowed to help other intended parents avoid the complexity and confusion he experienced. His passion led to the creation of GoStork, which proudly names Amir’s two-year-old daughter as its co-founder. 

Gestational Surrogacy and the Medical Protocol (AKA SHOTS) By "Sassy Surrogate" of Colorado Surrogacy

Dear Sassy,
If I become a Gestational Carrier do I have to give myself shots? Why?!? – Concerned about needles.

Dear Concerned,
I know this seems terrifying, and even a little crazy! When I was a gestational carrier I actually gave myself every shot (I may be even a little crazier than most ;-)) but many people have their partner, or a friend give them to them! Honestly, it is really more mental than physical, and once you have a system or routine in place it becomes easier, especially if you remember the goal – baby! So, yes shots are a possibility. There are a few clinics that do the medication cycle without injections, although I would expect to have shots as part of your routine and be pleasantly surprised if you don’t.

Typically, a clinic starts with Lupron (Leuprolide Acetate), a subcutaneous injection that suppresses the ovulation cycle of the Gestational Carrier before transfer. Lupron is administered with a small needle and pretty easy to do since your body has lots of subcutaneous injection sites. The time frame for these shots is typically fairly short, too. The other injection, Progesterone in Oil, is an intramuscular shot that is used to thicken the lining of the uterus and prepare it for embryo implantation. This shot is definitely more difficult and can hurt more because it is intramuscular and there are only a few places this can be administered. This is the shot that is scariest to most, the needle is larger and the pace to administer the medication is slower because of the oil the progesterone is in. The other not so fun part is because there are few places on the body this can be given and as it’s likely you’ll have to do this daily for 10-14 weeks, those sites can become sore. There are all sorts of tips on how to deal with this soreness and the possible resulting knots. Mine are massage the area right after the shot, use a heating pad (I used a portable battery one so I could even heat on the go!), and try to move afterwards to keep the muscle moving. These shots may not be fun but they are important to the process. The medication is meant to prepare your body for the embryo transfer and simulate the hormones your body would produce naturally. If you are wondering more about how these shots are administered http://www.freedommedteach.com/eng/ does a great job showing the process. Always follow your clinic’s instructions on how to administer your medications. As a Gestational Carrier, shots are most likely in your future - Totally worth it!

Dear Sassy,
Ok so there are shots, what other kinds of medications should I expect? What’s the worst part? – Not looking forward to this part

Dear Looking Forward,
Surrogacy is hugely fulfilling, and the journey really is positively amazing. One of the worst parts is the medications, especially the shots. Other kinds of medications you could expect are birth control pills, estrogen patches, oral tablets, vaginal creams, steroids, antibiotics, aspirin, CoQ10, prenatal vitamins and DHA. This is not an all-inclusive list and each clinic or Reproductive Endocrinologist has their own “cocktail” of medications that they use. The medications, kind, and amount also depend on your body and how it responds to the medication in order to make the best environment for the little embryo(s). Typically, medications are started 3-4 weeks before transfer and weaning off of them begins week 10 of the pregnancy, depending on your clinic, doctor, and body. It can be a lot to manage on pregnancy brain, but you can do it!

Colorado Surrogacy [www.coloradosurro.com] loves to support gestational carriers of all types: Sassy, sensational and splendid. Their entire team [https://www.coloradosurro.com/meet-the-staff] loves to provide support and encouragement through journeys of all types.

"Sassy Surrogate" from Colorado Surrogacy Answers Your Questions About Medical Qualifications

Dear Sassy Surrogate

Hi Readers! I’ve received a lot of questions recently from surrogates who are frustrated when they get turned down by a fertility clinic or by an agency for a health issue that doesn’t seem that serious. I really empathize with you. It’s so hard to put yourself out there to do this beautiful, selfless thing for someone else and then be turned down for something outside of your control. It can feel like an unfair judgment on your health or life. But keep in mind that agencies typically only accept a small percentage of candidates, and fertility clinics accept an even smaller percentage. For them it’s about giving intended parents the absolute best chance for a good outcome, so being really picky is part of the process. Your desire to do this for someone else remains beautiful and inspiring, but it might take some time to find the right fit of clinic/agency/IP. Here are a couple of questions on this topic I’ve received recently. Take heart, and keep those questions coming! - Sassy

Dear Sassy: I had a boyfriend 15 years ago who gave me genital warts. I haven’t had a flare-up for 10 years, and my OB has said that it’s not an issue for me when being pregnant or delivering, unless I have a flare-up, and that I can take medications to help prevent a flare. But I’ve recently been denied by a fertility clinic for just that reason. What’s up with that? I am so eager to be a surrogate and I feel really upset about this. – Frustrated in Franktown

Dear Frustrated: That is really frustrating! I get it: a diagnosis of HSV-2 or genital warts isn’t fun, but it’s also not the end of the world. And your OB is right that it is generally very low risk when it comes to being pregnant and delivering. However, it’s also true that fertility clinics can be very strict about HSV-2 and will sometimes deny working with a surrogate who has it. This is because there is a (slight) risk of passing the disease on to a fetus in utero or during delivery. For this reason, some agencies won’t approve a candidate because it’s hard to get a clinic to approve the candidate. There are agencies and clinics that do accept candidates who have had HSV-2, as long as intended parents are aware of the risks. I really hear you. It feels terrible to be turned down by an agency or clinic for something that doesn’t seem like that big of a risk, and it can feel like a judgment. But it’s not at all a judgment call– fertility clinics, agencies and IPs are all working a risk game, and some will take bigger risks than others. HSV-2 isn’t that big of a risk in the scheme of things, and you may find a different clinic or agency that will be less stringent on this particular diagnosis.

Dear Sassy: I have 3 kids, great pregnancies and deliveries with all of them. But during my second pregnancy I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I never had a high blood sugar reading other than the days of the hour glucose tolerance tests, and I never took medication for it. I just ate well and stayed active (like I did with my other pregnancies). A friend of mine who wanted to be a surrogate was denied by an agency for having had gestational diabetes. Now I’m afraid I’ll be denied, but my OB had said it wasn’t a big deal, and that I probably didn’t actually have gestational diabetes. How I do move forward with my dream to become a carrier for another family? – Healthy and Dreaming

Dear HAD: One of the challenges about being a surrogate is that your health history (specifically your written health history, like medical records) is picked over with a fine-tooth comb, and things that wouldn’t normally be a big deal for your own pregnancy become a big deal for a surrogacy pregnancy. Some agencies and fertility clinics will work with surrogate candidates who had diet-controlled gestational diabetes, and some won’t because the risk is greater that you will text positive for gestational diabetes in future pregnancies. As it is impossible to prove that you didn’t have gestational diabetes (though it may be probably in your OB’s eyes), stricter fertility clinics may turn you down, and agencies that work with stricter fertility clinics may turn you down, too. When you start on your journey of finding an agency or self-matching, make sure everyone knows you had a gestational diabetes diagnosis. Some agencies may accept you and just not match you with IPs who are using a more strict clinic. Don’t be discouraged! There is still the chance to find the perfect family to work with. It just might take a little more effort to find the right agency and fertility clinic.

Colorado Surrogacy [www.coloradosurro.com] loves to support gestational carriers of all types: Sassy, sensational and splendid. Their entire team [https://www.coloradosurro.com/meet-the-staff] loves to provide support and encouragement through journeys of all types.

Explaining the Relationship Between a Surrogate and the Baby She Carries by Guest Blogger "Sassy Surrogate" of Colorado Surrogacy

Dear Sassy Surrogate,
How would you explain the relationship with the surrogate and the surrobaby? I know I am helping create this life to make another family, but how is it different than with my own children? What was your experience? Thank you!

Sincerely, Looking for Insight

Dear Looking,
Here is a peek into my journey and relationship with the surrobaby…
Growing up my dream was never to get married and be a mom, but as I got older and I had more life experiences my dreams changed. I grew up knowing that my sister, who I loved more than anything, would probably never be able to carry her own children, so even before I had my own, I knew I would want to make that dream come true for her if that was possible. (Knowing nothing about surrogacy, how that worked or even the possibilities). I eventually had my own children, with fairly easy pregnancies and births….long story short, during those life experiences I met a dear friend, who was now married, and trying to start a family of their own. The longing to have a child is a strong one, whether it starts as a young child or later in life. If you are able to be a surrogate, and help with that longing for someone else, well nothing is more amazing. Helping create a life, that might otherwise not be? Remarkable! It’s loving a life enough to sacrifice yourself and your family for a baby. A baby to create another family.

During the pregnancy you know this has been a long, sought after thing. You want nothing more than to watch this life grow and flourish into a happy and healthy baby. There is a hope, not just for yourself and your family this time, but a hope for a miracle, a hope to make another’s dream come true. There is a love and a bond as you create this life, adding in the desire for the best for someone else. Watching your belly grow, as the dream grows, yes, there is a relationship with this being you are helping to create, wanting the very best for this baby and their family. Anxiously awaiting every test, every ultrasound in hopes that the dream becomes reality. Feeling the baby move, talking to her, being extra cautious about every decision to try to control the uncontrollable gift of life. This is not to diminish the relationship with your own children in the womb, because that is amazing too, but carrying for someone else is a different feeling of special. Now you are adding another dimension in that relationship, more people, more experiences, more love!

Once the baby is born – it’s the greatest gift ever! You love that baby like as if it were your own, yet knew that you were doing this to create another family all along. It’s akin to meeting a niece of nephew. To see the looks on the parents faces...the joy, the tears, the happiness, the amazement and the gratefulness! You want the best for that child, as if it were your own family, but the details are for their family to work out.
For weeks after the surrobaby was born I would remind myself, especially because I couldn’t physically feel her move anymore or see her in person, that she was ok and with a great family. It helps me that to be able to see pictures of her regularly and watch her grow. I know that is not the case for every surrogacy journey, but I know the feelings of trust for the dream and the love for that family you helped remain the same.

Each journey has its ups and downs, remembering during the whole process the innocence of life and the hope of a baby is the dream, the goal, the reason for the sacrifice regardless of the adult relationships. This baby is special, it is the reason for the process.

Colorado Surrogacy [www.coloradosurro.com] loves to support gestational carriers of all types: Sassy, sensational and splendid. Their entire team [https://www.coloradosurro.com/meet-the-staff] loves to provide support and encouragement through journeys of all types.

Six Things to Keep in Mind when Becoming a Surrogate Mother Guest Post by David Bull of MySurrogateMom.com

Surrogacy is a generous and selfless act. Women choose to become surrogates because they want to give the gift of life to another family and, of course, because they want to enjoy the experience and be the best surrogate they can be! You have decided to give a priceless gift to those who cannot start a family on their own. However, this process does not come without some challenges. Even though every surrogacy journey is different, here are six things to keep in mind when becoming a surrogate.

1. Educate Yourself
Educating yourself is one of the most important phases for having a positive surrogacy journey. When you decide to become a surrogate, many aspects need to be taken into consideration. The first step is to learn as much as possible about the process to be ready for what is to come. In this early stage of the process, it may be wise to speak to a counselor to ensure you are ready to cope with the challenges related to the surrogacy process.

2. Take Good Care of Yourself
A healthy surrogate equals a healthy baby, so taking care of yourself while pregnant is vital to have a successful surrogacy journey. There are many resources online where you can find advice to keep you in shape during your pregnancy. Your doctors and surrogacy specialist can also provide you with additional information and good practices that will help you during your pregnancy. Remember, your emotional well-being is as important as your physical health throughout the pregnancy. Don’t neglect it.

3. Seek Out Surrogacy Professionals
Whether you want to follow an independent surrogacy journey or work with an agency, you will need to have an attorney specializing in surrogacy. Be sure that you choose a reputable surrogacy professional. The chosen professional must be there to be a resource for information and support.

4. Maintain Open Communication with Your Intended Parents
Don’t forget that open communication is vital in a surrogacy journey. Try to keep your intended parents as involved as you are comfortable with. The more communication and moments you can share throughout the surrogacy process with your IPs, the stronger your relationship and the better the journey will be.
It depends on each relationship, but you could try to share how you feel, talk openly about the challenges you are facing (e.g., morning sickness), or provide frequent updates, to name a few examples. You could invite them to the doctor appointments.  Don’t be overwhelmed. You don’t need to share everything. Only share what your comfortable sharing.

5. Document Your Journey
This journey will be life-changing for you and your intended parents. It can be worth it to document the journey for you and your family to remember it in the future. There are several options for documenting your surrogacy journey—from taking pictures during your pregnancy to capture life with your family to keeping a journal and taking notes.

6. Get Emotional Support
From getting matched with the intended parents to giving birth, the surrogacy journey can be emotionally draining. You will go through the side effects of the pregnancy while still attending your daily activities. Finding emotional support is particularly important considering that you are helping someone achieve their parenthood dream, and at the end of the journey, you’ll give the baby away. There are great surrogacy professionals out there that can help you, but you could also find a support group of surrogate mothers or even just one other surrogate to chat with. It can be helpful to share your feelings and problems with women who are or were on the same journey as you.

Wrapping Up
A big thank you for considering becoming a surrogate mother! This is probably one of the most generous acts a woman can do. Keep in mind the advice in the post to have a successful surrogacy journey! Please visit www.MySurrogateMom.com to learn more about the surrogacy process!

Sassy Talks About Altruistic Surrogacy - Guest Post By "Sassy Surrogate" of Colorado Surrogacy

Dear Sassy,
I have heard some countries, and even states with in the United States, only allow altruistic surrogacy. What does that mean?

Altruistic surrogacy means that the surrogate, whether traditional or gestational, will not receive any monetary compensation outside of reimbursement for expenses. In many places there are laws that prohibit compensation for a surrogate. For example, Canada has the Assisted Human Reproduction Act which makes it illegal to pay a surrogate for her services. Most places where compensating the surrogate is illegal will allow surrogacy only with the reimbursements of reasonable expenses directly related to the surrogacy pregnancy. Knowing what the laws say in your area, whether illegal all together or just illegal to compensate, is important. Please consult a lawyer and/or surrogacy agency to see what the laws say about where you live regarding altruistic or compensated surrogacy.

Dear Sassy,
If someone is wanting to be a surrogate, and it’s legal in their state or country to be compensated, why would someone choose to be a surrogate altruistically?

Yes, the money is appealing! However, I find that largest reason why someone chooses to become a surrogate originally has nothing to do with money. Surrogates are kind, generous, loving people who want to help someone else build their family and their dreams. How much the compensation could help their own family is a secondary thought. Some women become surrogates for a family member or close friend, and in those cases they often don’t request compensation, or at least significantly reduced compensation. The surrogate’s expenses related to the pregnancy are covered by the Intended Parents, whether the surrogacy is altruistic or compensated. It really depends on the surrogate. A decision to act altruistically or be compensated depends on the gestational carrier’s relationship with the Intended Parents, whether she chooses to go through an agency or not, and even on if she lives in a place where laws don’t allow her to be compensated. No matter what choice a gestational carrier makes, I can tell you from personal experience as a surrogate, being a gestational carrier is work. It takes time and energy, not only for a pregnancy, but also with the relationships of the others involved in the process with you, especially the Intended Parents. Being a Gestational Carrier is a wonderful gift that is priceless to many people who couldn’t otherwise have children of their own.

Colorado Surrogacy [www.coloradosurro.com] loves to support gestational carriers of all types: Sassy, sensational and splendid. Their entire team [https://www.coloradosurro.com/meet-the-staff] loves to provide support and encouragement through journeys of all types.

Dear Sassy, What Are the 3 Strangest Things You Have Seen in a Gestational Carrier Agreement? Guest Post by "Sassy Surrogate" and Colorado Surrogacy

Dear Sassy: I have been matched and cleared by the clinic but I am extremely nervous about moving to the legal agreement with the Intended Parents. Yes, I think they are great or I would not have chosen to be matched with them, however legal scares me. I am wanting to be prepared for the unexpected. What are the 3 strangest things you have seen in a Gestational Carrier Agreement? – Optimistic but Concerned

Dear O & C: I know we have all heard the horror stories of the controlling and demanding Intended Parents. Really most intended parents want what’s best for you and their baby. With that said, some things to expect, that may seem strange in a Gestational Carrier Agreement are limits on travel, handling rodents, reptiles and poop, and extreme sports.

Intended Parents are very concerned about minimizing risks, especially if it is something you can control like travel. Air travel poses higher risk during pregnancy for things like blood clots. It is possible that IPs will want to limit air travel during the pregnancy or restrict it all together. Some of those risks apply to traveling in general and many parents may have reasons to limit that travel, like Zika. The main issue with travel during pregnancy comes down to the legal aspect of the parentage process. The law governing the parentage process is by state, so it is important where the baby is physically delivered. Travel after 24 weeks is typically limited to the state in which you live and the parentage order has been established.

Herbert the Hamster and his little friends, rodents and reptiles, are notorious for carrying diseases. Normally having pets around is fine, but in pregnancy those pets can cause much bigger problems. It’s best to be hands off Herbert and any other rodents during pregnancy. That means no cleaning cages, cleaning the litter box or anything else that would contain feces. Yes, you can still snuggle your cat, just pass on the duty of the litter box, and who doesn’t want to pass along that chore anyway.

While most of us are trying to put our socks on or just see our feet, there are some women who are able to still rock climb or ski! If you are a Gestational Carrier these are considered extreme sports and extreme risk to the pregnancy. Commonly Gestational Carrier Agreements will say that the Gestational Carrier is not allowed to scuba dive, skydive, jump on a pogo stick, ski, roller skate, rock climb, ice climb, white water raft, or hang glide. This does not mean you cannot exercise, you just need to stay in the moderate range and talk with the fertility clinic or your OB about what kind and how much is right for you.

Each situation is different and of course other things can be requested of the Gestational Carrier like eating only organic, not having vaccinations, or maybe something to do with a religious preference. Most importantly these are important to discuss and compromise if possible now, rather than having any surprises during the pregnancy. Yes, there are outliers that want outrageous things, most just want you and their baby to be happy and healthy, with a few special requests ;-)

Colorado Surrogacy [www.coloradosurro.com] loves to support gestational carriers of all types: Sassy, sensational and splendid. Their entire team [https://www.coloradosurro.com/meet-the-staff] loves to provide support and encouragement through journeys of all types.

Six Things to Keep in Mind when Becoming a Surrogate Mother a Guest Post by David Bull of My Surrogate Mom

Surrogacy is a generous and selfless act. Women choose to become surrogates because they want to give the gift of life to another family and, of course, because they want to enjoy the experience and be the best surrogate they can be!

You have decided to give a priceless gift to those who cannot start a family on their own. However, this process does not come without some challenges. Even though every surrogacy journey is different, here are six things to keep in mind when becoming a surrogate.

1. Educate Yourself
Educating yourself is one of the most important phases for having a positive surrogacy journey. When you decide to become a surrogate, many aspects need to be taken into consideration. The first step is to learn as much as possible about the process to be ready for what is to come.
In this early stage of the process, it may be wise to speak to a counselor to ensure you are ready to cope with the challenges related to the surrogacy process.

2. Take Good Care of Yourself
A healthy surrogate equals a healthy baby, so taking care of yourself while pregnant is vital to have a successful surrogacy journey. There are many resources online where you can find advice to keep you in shape during your pregnancy. Your doctors and surrogacy specialist can also provide you with additional information and good practices that will help you during your pregnancy. Remember, your emotional well-being is as important as your physical health throughout the pregnancy. Don’t neglect it.

3. Seek Out Surrogacy Professionals
Whether you want to follow an independent surrogacy journey or work with an agency, you will need to have an attorney specializing in surrogacy. Be sure that you choose a reputable surrogacy professional. The chosen professional must be there to be a resource for information and support.

4. Maintain Open Communication with Your Intended Parents
Don’t forget that open communication is vital in a surrogacy journey. Try to keep your intended parents as involved as you are comfortable with. The more communication and moments you can share throughout the surrogacy process with your IPs, the stronger your relationship and the better the journey will be.
It depends on each relationship, but you could try to share how you feel, talk openly about the challenges you are facing (e.g., morning sickness), or provide frequent updates, to name a few examples. You could invite them to the doctor appointments. Don’t be overwhelmed. You don’t need to share everything. Only share what your comfortable sharing.

5. Document Your Journey
This journey will be life-changing for you and your intended parents. It can be worth it to document the journey for you and your family to remember it in the future. There are several options for documenting your surrogacy journey—from taking pictures during your pregnancy to capture life with your family to keeping a journal and taking notes.

6. Get Emotional Support
From getting matched with the intended parents to giving birth, the surrogacy journey can be emotionally draining. You will go through the side effects of the pregnancy while still attending your daily activities. Finding emotional support is particularly important considering that you are helping someone achieve their parenthood dream, and at the end of the journey, you’ll give the baby away. There are great surrogacy professionals out there that can help you, but you could also find a support group of surrogate mothers or even just one other surrogate to chat with. It can be helpful to share your feelings and problems with women who are or were on the same journey as you.

Wrapping Up
A big thank you for considering becoming a surrogate mother! This is probably one of the most generous acts a woman can do. Keep in mind the advice in the post to have a successful surrogacy journey!

www.MySurrogateMom.com is the first independent surrogacy community in the US and Canada. Finding the right surrogate mother, egg donor, or intended parents is an extremely personal process. We have created this space to help you connect with your surrogacy soulmate. In our surrogacy community, we work to provide the tools and information needed to help match extraordinary surrogate mothers and selfless egg donors with prospective intended parents.

 

Surrogacy 101 Included in Top 10 Surrogacy Blog Contest for 2019

Thank you to everyone who took the time to vote for their favorite blogs! Surrogacy 101 took 7th place and I am happy and honored to be included in the top 10! If there is a topic you would like to see addressed in Surrogacy 101 just let me know! Many thanks to MySurrogateMom.com and David Bull for holding the contest and congratulations to my fellow participants! There are some great blogs out there offering a ton of information on surrogacy and other family building options. Click the link at the bottom of this post to see which blogs should be on your reading list!

 

The moment you understand that you will need the help of surrogacy to create the family you wish, so much can be scary and emotional. And when you start looking for information about surrogacy, you will realize that there are so many resources out there that it is natural to feel overwhelmed. Going through this by yourself can feel lonely at times, and that is normal. For this reason, we have decided to help you by researching the best surrogacy blogs and creating a list of the top ten surrogacy blogs for 2019!

 

These blogs were nominated by our readers, pre-selected based on content quality and how often they are updated, and finally ranked by your more than 3,000 votes in our contest, The Top Surrogacy Blog Awards 2019. We want to thank all of you for your participation in the process, from the initial nominations to the vote.

 

Before announcing the top 10 surrogacy blogs, remember that education is fundamental when pursuing surrogacy; the more you know, the better prepared you will be for what lies ahead. Research, read, learn, and ask!

 

And now click here for  the Ultimate List of Top Ten Surrogacy Blogs!

 

 

 

Is Infertility Really That Common? Then Why Does No One Ever Talk About It? A Blog Post by "Sassy Surrogate" of Colorado Surrogacy

Dear Sassy Surrogate- I don’t know what to do!!! I have been trying to conceive for a very long time and can’t get pregnant. I want to be a mom so much. I hear people say that infertility is common but if that is true, why does no one ever talk about it? Is it my fault I can’t get pregnant? I feel so alone.

From - Sad and Alone

Dear Sad and Alone -

I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is true that “7.4 million women, or 11.9% of women, have ever received any infertility services in their lifetime. Approximately one-third of infertility is attributed to the female partner, one-third attributed to the male partner and one-third is caused by a combination of problems in both partners or, is unexplained.” https://resolve.org/infertility-101/what-is-infertility/fast-facts/ This is an issue that affects a high number of both men and women, yet so many people suffer in silence.

I struggled with infertility for over five years. We went through years of unsuccessfully “trying” to get pregnant on our own, over a year of attempting artificial insemination (IUI) and then years of IVF treatment until we were blessed with our daughter. I spent most of that time feeling ashamed and like a failure. I felt inadequate and that my inability to get pregnant meant that there was something wrong with me. I was too embarrassed to talk about it or tell anyone about the pain we were going through. I did not want people to feel sorry for me, yet I spent every day feeling sorry for myself. The grief and sadness were so intense that I isolated myself and felt even more alone. I felt as if I were the only one in the world going through these feelings and experiences. At that time, it felt like everyone around me and everywhere I went people were either pregnant or had a baby (and then getting pregnant again). I had a hard time being happy for friends and family who were having babies and even started resenting going to baby showers. I did not like the person I had become. These feelings added to my shame and isolation. Where was that 11.9% of women when I needed them? Why did I feel so alone when others were clearly also experiencing the same things? We blame ourselves and shame ourselves into isolation instead of reaching out and seeking the support we need.

Now I share my experiences and struggles with everyone. I reach out to anyone I hear might be dealing with any sort of infertility. I never want anyone else to feel alone and isolated like I did. I want them to feel supported and to know they are not the alone in their feelings, emotions and struggles. It is important to spread the word, to let others know it is okay to talk about, to let people know that opening up about infertility can feel good. The more openly people are able to discuss their struggles, the less alone people feel and the more others will feel okay to open up themselves. The more women (and men!) support others who are struggling with infertility, the less alone they will feel and the more they will understand that no matter what, it is not their fault, there is nothing to be ashamed of and that they are not a failure. We need to help stop the stigma that surrounds infertility and the best way we can put an end to it is by talking about it. The more people share their experiences the more they learn and the more people can use each other as resources.

Another important way to destigmatize infertility is to understand that infertility is a medical condition, and like many medical conditions, it is one that might require medical assistance and treatment. Making it a medical condition takes the personal blame and shame out of it and can make it easier to discuss and seek treatment. Science has made many advances and there are many alternatives to help couples seeking fertility treatment to get pregnant. For example, there are fertility drugs, IUI, donor sperm and donor egg, In vitro fertilization, Intracytoplasmic sperm injection, donor embryos, surrogacy and more. The opportunities for couples to become pregnant is so much higher than in past years. Let’s talk about it and share our experiences!

At the time I was experiencing infertility, I wished for a crystal ball. I needed to “know” that at some point I would be a mom, that my dream would come true. I did not mind (although unpleasant) the treatments, the appointments, the shots, etc. It was the unknown that was the most painful and difficult to bear. It is important to keep reminding yourself that you should not lose hope. You will find your path. Hopefully along the way you can seek support. The support is out there. Always remember you are not alone! The path to parenthood, whether IVF, surrogacy, egg/sperm donation, adoption, no longer matters once you hold your baby in your arms; the pain and uncertainty of the journey fades away and is replaced by a joy and love you never could have even imagined.
Colorado Surrogacy [www.coloradosurro.com] loves to support gestational carriers of all types: Sassy, sensational and splendid. Their entire team [https://www.coloradosurro.com/meet-the-staff] loves to provide support and encouragement through journeys of all types.

I’m Not Giving Birth. Why Would I Need a Doula? Guest Post By Patience Elizabeth of Colorado Surrogacy

It’s finally here. The day your baby is being born.

You’ve been working toward this day for years!

You’re so excited and yet still very nervous. You want to be there for the birth but also want to be very respectful of the one who has been carrying this baby for you.

But this is still the birth of your baby. You’re going to be in a highly emotional state.

The medical providers are there to support the GC in making sure baby and the birthing person are okay. If the GC has a doula, that professional is there to focus on the emotional and physical support of the GC.

To every professional in that room you are secondary. Unless you have a doula for you.

Most people think of doulas as support for the person who is giving birth. But there are many kinds of doulas. Antepartum doulas, postpartum doulas, sibling doulas, bereavement doulas, and abortion doulas.

There are 3 ways a doula can help you as Intended Parents.

1. Preparing for the Birth

There are many things you will have no control over. But you may be surprised what you can be a part of and the many ways to make this birth your own.

A doula can discuss with you and your gestational carrier what the options are and what everyone is comfortable with.

You may have talked about general concepts in the legal process but you will want to plan for the specifics.  A doula can help you navigate that conversation to make sure you and the GC have your needs and desires heard through these discussions and decisions.

A few things you will want to discuss:

• When and where will you join the GC during labor
• How often will you be updated if you’re not there (and who will be doing the updating!)
• Will you be an observer or have a more hands on role
• If medical issues arise how will information be shared and discussed
• If there is a c-section who will be in the operating room
• Who will hold baby first
• Who will cut the umbilical cord
• Who will do the first feeding and how will it be done
• What newborn procedures do you want done or delayed

2. Support during Labor and Delivery

One of the main benefits of a doula is their knowledge of the process you’re going through.

Studies have shown that just having a doula present in the room during a birth improves the birth outcome.

That is pretty astonishing.

A doula who is there for you, the Intended Parents, will make sure you understand what is happening in the birth. They will help you know what’s normal. They will help you with timelines. When it’s a good time to rest or eat and when it’s time to stay close because baby will arrive soon.

Doula’s are there as your guide. Having a doula there for you during labor and delivery allows you to be present in your experience without needing to worry if what you’re doing is right or wrong.

3. Postpartum transitions

Once the baby is here you will be learning to care for your baby. Newborns really are different from every other stage of childhood and require a completely different set of skills. On top of that you are learning who you are as a parent.

A postpartum doula can help you understand your new baby’s needs and make sure you are getting the care you need during this time of transition as well.

This is especially important in the first weeks when everything is so new and intense. With a newborn it can be very difficult to find time to eat a meal or take a shower.

A postpartum doula is there to cook a meal, hold the baby so you can rest, or just to answer questions about soothing and settling baby down.

You’ve been wanting this baby and to grow your family for a long time. The dream and the reality of a new baby can often look very different from each other and a doula can help.

A doula is there to help you navigate this important time in your life. Most of us hire experts to guide us though important undertakings like buying a house or doing our taxes. Make sure you have birth and newborn professional by your side though this once in a lifetime experience.

Patience Elizabeth is a doula, childbirth educator and Case Manager for Colorado Surrogacy [www.coloradosurro].  She loves to talk all things birth and babies and excitedly supports families through their entire gestational surrogacy journey.  You can listen to Patience talk about her experience dealing with loss as a gestational carrier here [https://soundcloud.com/iwtpabiy/episode-6-dealing-with-loss-as-a-gestational-carrier-patience-bleskan]

 

The Perspective of the Surrogate vs. the Intended Parent - Guest Post By Emily Dubin Field, MBA of Field Fertility

Starting your surrogacy journey, it’s really important that you try to put yourself in the shoes of the other (as best as you can). Most IPs have had a long, emotional, trying journey that then led them to surrogacy. Opposite to this, is a surrogate who can easily get pregnant, carried her own babies to full term and had uneventful and easy pregnancies. So, just understanding this basic perspective of where the other is starting from is extremely important.

As a former IP, I speak with prospective IPs all the time. Just as my husband and I felt, these IPs are overwhelmed, nervous, confused and emotional. Does this sound like you? If so, you are not alone! Surrogacy is all of these things. And, surrogacy is also beautiful and incredible.

I’ve found that when I explain the following two scenarios to a prospective IP, it really helps settle the IP and provide a needed perspective in starting the surrogacy journey.

1. One example scenario I will talk about is a scenario at an OB appointment. After the OB appointment, the OB says, “Everything looks good, Next time, I may want to check xyz, but all is good.”

The Surrogate hears, “All is good.”

The IP hears and feels, What’s wrong with the baby? What does the doctor want to check? Why is the doctor not checking it now?

The Surrogate is basing what she hears and feels from her own experiences with being pregnant. Reminder, surrogate’s bodies are made to have babies. Her own pregnancies with her children were uneventful. So, an OB saying “all is good” means to her, all IS good. Whereas, an IP most often had a tumultuous journey getting to this point. For me personally, nothing went right. Nothing worked. So, as an IP, if I heard the doctor say this, I would immediately react in a more panicked way. Both reactions are normal. Both reactions are based on personal experience. But, understanding these perspectives is really helpful to have the most open surrogacy experience with one another.

2. Another scenario I will mention to a prospective IP is the concern that many IPs have about the surrogate connecting with the baby and wanting the baby. I mention to the IPs that the surrogate’s perspective is this… She is fertile. She can have her own kids. If she wanted another, she would have one with her husband. She doesn’t want your baby… I get many “ah-ha” moments from prospective IPs when I mention this.

Note: I also always follow this by saying, that this is further reason for ensuring you have the best team of professionals around you -- Reputable agency who does an extensive, thorough screening of surrogates, background and criminal checks, education about surrogacy and the surrogacy journey; ongoing support to the surrogate throughout the entire surrogacy journey;  proper mental health screenings and ongoing support by Mental Health Professionals with surrogacy experience; Attorneys with surrogacy experience; Escrow Management company properly handling and administering the money; your own trusted Reproductive Endocrinologist. All of your team members have contact with your surrogate and ensuring that she is the right one for you and that you all have the best journey to your baby as possible.

Your team of professionals will also help you better understand each other’s perspectives. A surrogate wants to give you a healthy, beautiful, precious baby. She just comes from a very different personal experience and perspective than you, the IP. Surrogates’ also putting themselves in their IPs shoes is equally beneficial and important.

 

 

Emily Dubin Field, MBA runs Field Fertility with her husband Attorney Gregg Field. Emily runs business operations and Gregg does the legal work. Emily
and Gregg are parents thanks to IVF and surrogacy. Their miracle daughter is 4 years old. They remain very close with their surrogate and her family. Emily can be reached at [email protected]; www.fieldfertility.com

8 Things I Learned From Being a Gestational Carrier Guest Post By Suzie White from Colorado Surrogacy

Yeah.  I know. Eight does seem like a weird number, but 5 wasn’t enough and 10 seemed like too many.  I learned so much from being a surrogate that it’s hard to break it down into a few bullet points on a page, but I’ll give it a shot.  One piece that is missing is how this journey has changed my heart.  It’s impossible to put into words.   Just imagine that feeling when you saw your baby’s face for the very first time, and you heard them cry and counted all of the fingers and toes over and over.  It’s kind of like that, tied up with a bow and handed to someone else who has been waiting and hoping and praying for this gift. So let me put my tissues away and make my list.

1. I became even more grateful for the extraordinary gift of being able to have my own children.

We all recognize how fortunate we are to be able to carry our own children and create the family we’ve always dreamed of, but when you meet people who have been struggling with infertility for years, and all they want in the world is exactly what came to you so easily, incredibly humbling.  You wonder why you’re so lucky, and these people have to endure so much pain and sadness. If it’s possible, the process made me even more appreciative of my body’s ability to bring life into the world.

2. I am stronger than I thought I was.

So, this surrogacy process isn’t for the faint hearted.  The screening piece can be lengthy…medical records, psych and background checks…and the matching with intended parent(s) can be nerve wracking. You hope they’ll like you, and you hope you’ll like if you them.  Sharing your profile and reading about someone you might carry a child for can be fun if you relax and know that the right match will happen at the right time. I didn’t know I had it in me to get through all of that, and then here came the shots.  I had lists and calendars and bags of drugs. I felt like a pro and a pin cushion by the time embryo transfer time came around.  The babies hopped on board, and there were still more medications for weeks to come.  It’s a lot to stay on top of, but when you consider there’s a tiny life depending on you, a few shots are no big deal.

3. I wasn’t attached to the baby I was carrying like my own.

This is the question I was asked most often as a gestational carrier…Won’t you get attached to the baby?  Since I met the parents I would be carrying for a few months before I even became pregnant, we built a relationship, and I was so excited for them to have a baby, not me.  You know well ahead of time that this is not your child, so it’s a very different feeling. I knew the entire time that I was growing these babies for a very sweet couple who couldn’t wait for the arrival of their children.

4. My family and friends were an amazing support system.

I absolutely love my family and have the coolest friends ever.  Everyone was supportive and excited for us, but I had no idea how they would be cheering us on and offering to help out constantly. From my boss letting me take little break time naps to my ex-husband helping out with the kids, so I could rest and focus on my growing twin belly.

5. It was a life changing lesson in selflessness for my children.

The surrogacy process was a family affair in our house. It was always “we” are carrying these babies for someone else, not “I”. We worked together to grow them and the kids were all able to hold them and say goodbye at the hospital.  Then as a family, we rewarded ourselves with a trip to Disney World after the birth. My children, even as adults, are still proud of the part we played in helping another family.

6. It’s not a journey meant for everyone.

There are nay-sayers and negative Nancies in every crowd, and there will always be people who criticize surrogacy. The fact is that it’s an option when considering your options as far as starting a family. Every once in a while, someone had to throw in their two cents, even if it was narrow minded or uneducated.  It provided a great opportunity to share information about what a beautiful journey surrogacy is. I considered that this may occur before I even started the process, so I was prepared.  I think you find that the positive support so far outweighs the negative, it’s almost not worth mentioning.

7. It only takes that one moment to make it all worth it.

Let’s face it, pregnancy can be difficult sometimes, and by the end, you feel like a giant stuffed chair. When you see a brand new family that you helped to create, it’s an amazing feeling, and right then you can’t imagine not being part of such a beautiful moment.

8. It was a great way to help my family financially.

I feel like it was a great way to use a natural gift I had, along with my love of being pregnant to help raise my family well. As a single mom with a full time job, it worked out great. We were able to do some things that we wouldn’t have otherwise.

 

As I type this list, I have a really hard time remembering any negatives. We learned valuable life lessons and helped to bring the absolute joy of having a family to someone else. I wouldn’t change a thing.

 

Suzie White is a Intake Coordinator for Colorado Surrogacy [www.coloradosurro.com].  She has four grown children and has been both a traditional and gestational carrier.  She loves long walks in the Colorado foothills with her cat, Lincoln, in his adorable cat stroller.

Ohhhh I Love a Great Contest! Please Nominate YOUR Top Surrogacy Blogs!! Hosted by MySurrogateMom.com

(Of course I would love it if you would enter Surrogacy 101 as your blog choice!)

Just add your favorite surrogacy blog and let the games begin! It's a great way to share information and award the best 10 surrogacy blogs out there! ;-)

Today, we are announcing our contest to help us choose the top ten surrogacy blogs. Don’t miss your chance!

Who made you smile? Offered support and advice? Encouraged you to make a big change? Provided first-class surrogacy content? Share the love and help us identify the best surrogacy blogs.

On April 19, 2019, the MySurrogateMom team will pick 30 blogs for the finals. The winners of the competition (who will made our top ten surrogacy blog list) will be determined by a general vote. Voting will be available from April 19, 2019, to April 30, 2019. Follow to us on Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube, for the contest results!

Click here and Please Submit your Nomination!

Competition Rules

A blog is defined as a web page with dated entries.

The competition is open both to individual surrogacy bloggers and professional blogs operated by companies.

Nominations and votes are anonymous.

All nominations will be reviewed by the MySurrogateMom team and are subject to approval.

Winners will be chosen by the public.

E-mail addresses are required to vote.

Key Deadlines

Complete the form below to nominate a blog. Hurry up! Nominations will be accepted until April 18, 2019.

On April 19, 2019, the MySurrogateMom team will pick 30 blogs for the finals. The winners of the competition (who will made our top ten surrogacy blog list) will be determined by a general vote. Voting will be available from April 19, 2019, to April 30, 2019.

Follow to us on Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube, for the contest results!

The MySurrogateMom Awards is a non-profit project to award the best surrogacy blogs. If you have questions about the contest, please contact us.

 

Selecting a Qualified Escrow Fund Management Provider for Your Surrogacy or Egg Donor Journey a Guest Post by Denise Steele of SeedTrust Escrow Services

Third-party fertility escrow cases are complex and parents invest a great deal throughout them. While deciding which escrow fund management company is right for you, inquire about the organization’s qualifications pertaining to third-party fertility. It’s your money and you have every right to know the level of expertise your provider has in the field. Security, transparency, and minimizing your risk are the main considerations when deciding which company is the most qualified to manage your investment throughout your journey.

How secure is my money, my data and my information?

The level of protection your escrow fund manager holds in bonds and insurance is the very first question you should address when considering your options. Ask for the dollar amounts for which the company is secured. Also, inquire about the provider’s technology security and encryption levels. If they offer an online platform, HIPAA compliance is paramount since personal information will be required when paying medical bills.

Is my ledger information fully transparent and in real-time?

Third-party journeys can take many months and even years. Payment requests come from many sources including your surrogate, agency, insurance providers, the fertility clinic, attorneys and other payees. Having access to your full ledger anytime you wish is not just a nice-to-have but a need-to-have. The transparency gives you the control you deserve throughout this process. 

Is it a good idea for my attorney or agency to hold my escrow?

Many agencies and attorneys are willing to hold escrow for their clients. There’s an inherent risk in them do so, however. If an escrow issue arises, only an independent and qualified escrow company can protect all of the parties in the relationship. The escrow company doesn’t draft the direct agreement; they are acting as a second set of eyes and adhere to what the parties agreed to in the contract. 

Have I chosen a fair and affordable provider?

Like anything else in third-party fertility, escrow fund pricing models vary. There’s a big difference in fund holding versus fund management. For surrogacy, fund management is where intended parents, surrogates and even agencies will receive the most protection. The ideal scenario is to work with an escrow provider that charges a 1-time fee, regardless if they are holding funds or managing your escrow. Ask the provider if they charge additional fees. Specifically, do they charge extra for rematches, cutting checks or wiring funds? Do they charge annual fees? Fully understand a provider’s pricing model before you agree to have it either hold or manage your escrow.

Partnering with an escrow fund management company that will protect you, your surrogate and your agency throughout the process will minimize everyone’s stress. Having the confidence that you’ve chosen the most qualified and transparent escrow fund management partner will allow you to focus on the details that matter most throughout your family building process.

 

Denise Steele

ART Escrow Consultant

Mom via Third-Party Fertility & Adoption

Mobile: 312-404-6604

www.SeedTrustEscrow.com

Rainbow Surrogacy-Navigating Surrogacy After Pregnancy Loss a Guest Post by Shoshannah Ingersoll of The Surrogacy Program

One of the most tip-toed around subjects when navigating surrogacy is coping with pregnancy loss. It is undoubtedly a painful and uncomfortable subject for so many people. This unspoken sorrow touches the lives of Intended Parents and Surrogates alike, and it is long past time to break the uncomfortable silence and have an honest conversation about this experience. Many Intended Parents choose surrogacy after having experienced devastating losses.  Likewise, Surrogates will have sometimes experienced loss themselves, or could experience it during the course of their surrogacy journeys. The pain of pregnancy loss is very real and persistent. It often colors the experience of the Intended Parents and Surrogates, adding to their anxiety as they go through the surrogacy process.

Getting to the Other Side of the Rainbow as a Team:

• Be a United Front: The loss impacts the Intended Parents and the Surrogate alike, being able to lean on each other will bring you closer together. This experience can be the one that divides the relationship between Intended Parents and their Surrogates, or it can be a unifying tragedy that brings them closer and deepens their resolve on their shared journey.

• Avoid Placing Blame: Despite doing all the right things, loss happens sometimes. It is an awful truth, and no amount of “what if” will undo the reality of the situation. Intended Parents may feel guilt for their Surrogate having to physically experience this, and the Surrogate may be feeling guilt that the pregnancy was not viable. It is hard enough without guilt being assigned. Instead take the time to feel the many feelings that come up, allow space for these feelings and find a safe space for processing these feelings whether it is with the agency, a friend, a therapist etc. 

• When Trying Again- Be Cautiously Optimistic: While you may all be feeling defeated and more nervous for the next attempt at pregnancy, it is important not to lose the hope and joy that is still there. Tomorrow’s events can’t take away the happiness you felt today, but if you don’t stop to feel that happiness the moment may pass you by. So celebrate every little milestone with at least cautious optimism, remember we are never without hope. 

• Celebrate the Sweet Victory in the End: Whether your journey has taken years, or what feels like a lifetime, when you finally reach the end of your journey and that beautiful rainbow baby has arrived it will be one of the most poignant moments of your lives. It is completely normal to feel a broad range of emotions from the greatest joy to the deepest sorrow. Intended Parents and Surrogates alike should be kind to themselves and one another at the completion of the journey, allowing room for all these emotions. Celebrate the miracle of the birth, and the beauty of all the perseverance that made it possible.

About the Author:

Shoshannah Ingersoll is the Surrogate Match Coordinator at The Surrogacy Program and a proud 3x Gestational Surrogate having delivered three rainbow babies. For more information please visit: https://www.eggdonation.com/becoming-a-surrogate/top-surrogacy-agency call 818-506-9300 or email [email protected] .

Photo Credit: Linger Photography: http://www.lingerphotography.com/

 

How to Create the Perfect Intended Parent Profile Guest Post by David Bull from MySurrogateMom.com

The matching phase is one of the most exciting times in your surrogacy journey, and creating your intended parent profile can be the most important step for finding the best surrogate match for you.

Your profile will be the first impression you make on a surrogate candidate, so it is a vital piece of your matching process.

A successful surrogacy journey depends on a good match and a solid relationship with the surrogate, so it is worth putting some work into the design of profile that is both authentic and appealing. By following these guidelines, you’ll be able to design a profile that will you find the perfect surrogate-intended parent connection.

Let’s start with the basic information. As you know, every surrogacy journey and every surrogate is unique. However, there is some basic information a good intended parent profile always includes:

• An introduction to you and your family
• What you do for a living
• Your hobbies (e.g., traveling, cooking, dancing, )
• Information about your home and community
• A personal letter to the potential surrogate
• Photos of your everyday life, including you, your family, your home, and your favorite activities
• Information you wish to include that makes your story unique

Having defined what information should be included, here are a few tips that can help you create a unique profile that shows who you are and what are you looking for.

Take Your Time

Slowing down is the best thing you can do before starting with your profile. Taking your time when designing your profile will let you create a complete vision of who you are.

Be Yourself

Whatever it is that makes you authentic, show it. It’s important to be honest about who you are, what you are looking for, and what type of relationship you are seeking. Don’t be afraid to be honest—it’s the best way to find a surrogate who is looking for a similar relationship as you.

Just focus on accurately representing yourself and your life, and you will find the perfect surrogate. Let your personality shine through.

Include Descriptive Information about Who You Are

Your profile needs to be designed as a way for a prospective surrogate to picture your family’s life and personality so that she can get an idea about whether you are a good fit for her. Therefore, it is important to include information and photos that show who you really are.

The more honest you are, the more likely it is that a surrogate will feel a connection with you.

Share Your Emotions

For many intended parents, surrogacy is an emotional journey toward parenthood. It is these emotions and feelings that inspire prospective surrogates to help families like you, so don’t shy away from them. Use your letter to express how much you appreciate her consideration.

Choose the Photos Carefully

When choosing your photos, make sure to pick photos that capture your personality and where your face is clearly visible. Don’t use old photos. If possible include some pictures with your family, your home, and your pets.

Review Your Profile

Constructive criticism is invaluable. If possible, ask a friend or family member to give you feedback. Also, do a spell check and a final edit. It’s worth making the extra effort to have a clean and polish profile!

Final Considerations

There is no “right” way to make an intended parent profile. Instead, follow these tips:

• Be yourself and do not over think it.
• Always be honest.
• Don’t forget to have fun when writing your profile.

Creating an intended parent profile is a thrilling opportunity to express all of your enthusiasm and desires for your surrogacy journey. By following the above suggestions, being honest, and enjoying the process, you will find the perfect match.

 

MySurrogateMom.com is the first independent surrogacy community in the US and Canada.Finding the right surrogate mother, egg donor, or intended parents is an extremely personal process. We have created this space to help you connect with your surrogacy soulmate. In our surrogacy community, we work to provide the tools and information needed to help match extraordinary surrogate mothers and selfless egg donors with prospective intended parents.

Becoming a Gestational Surrogate or an Egg Donor: Benefits of Working with an Agency - From the Family Inceptions Blog

I just can't believe it's March already!! The hope of spring is in the air and before you know it we'll be seeing the first crocuses blooming!

Today I think we should focus on those exceptional human beings that are considering becoming an egg donor and/or gestational surrogate, and the benefits of working with an agency.

If you are a fan of Pinterest, you can easily scan through a wide variety of pictures and posts of do-it-yourself projects. An endless amount of advice exists from everything to growing your own vegetable garden to homeschooling your children to attempting makeup contour or getting the perfect ponytail.

However, when it comes to matters of fertility and family building, the DIY route may result in undue amounts of stress and frustration. Going through a reputable agency will ensure that all parties involved are protected from scams (which unfortunately, does happen) or from being matched with an unreliable donor or surrogate.

When you are the kind of amazing and thoughtful woman considering being an egg donor or gestational surrogate, you deserve to be well taken care of. Going through an agency has many benefits with no adverse side effects. Not only will you be treated with courtesy and respect, but you will be provided with important information that you may not get from a search on Google or scanning a random website. You will also receive guidance, counseling, answers to all your individual and specific questions throughout the entire process, as well as professional legal assistance.

When you work with Family Inceptions, both you and the intended parents will sign a binding contract to ensure that all parties are protected, legally and financially. It takes a dedicated, generous individual to commit to donating eggs or becoming a surrogate mother. The process is incredibly rewarding, but is not without its challenges. A reputable agency will ensure that you understand these challenges before you begin and support you along the way.

Look at it this way: If you are not a trained financial adviser, would you be comfortable fixing a complicated tax situation by yourself? The same concept applies to fertility. This is a huge and life changing undertaking. You will benefit greatly from going through a trustworthy agency when it comes to finding or being an egg donor or gestational surrogate, and you can rest easy knowing that your case will be handled professionally and responsibly.

Ready to take the first step towards helping create a life? Please fill out this form or call 844-404-BABY.

Double Embryo vs Single Embryo Transfers = Two for the Price of One? From the Family Inceptions Blog

If you are an Intended Parent and want to learn more about surrogacy and all it involves, click here!

For many intended parents, the choice to transfer two embryos, as opposed to one, seems obvious. Not only would it seem that doing this doubles your chances at achieving pregnancy, it also seems that having two children at once would complete your family in a more expedient way that also offers more value for your dollar.

While the ultimate decision will be between your doctor, your surrogate, and yourself, we wanted to talk a moment to bust a few common myths surrounding double embryo transfers.

Likelihood at Achieving Pregnancy
It only makes sense, right?
Two embryos have twice the odds of achieving pregnancy as one does, right?

Turns out, this is a myth.

Read the rest of this piece by clicking here!

Please visit the Family Inceptions website for more information on Surrogacy and Egg Donation for our Intended Parents.

 

Family Inceptions; The First Full Service Surrogacy Agency in Washington State! From the Family Inceptions Blog

Please visit our About US page on Family Inceptions to learn about the rest of our growing team!

Family Inceptions is excited to always be growing. First launched as a way to provide surrogacy services to the South East in 2008, founder and CEO Eloise Drane has evolved and grown Family Inceptions into an international business. Now, a decade into changing the world one family at a time, Family Inceptions is excited to share that 2019 may just be our biggest year yet!

On top of relocating to a new office location in Georgia – where this all began− FI is excited to share with you that we will now have a strong west coast presence, as well. With the opening of a new home base in 2018, near Seattle, Washington, Family Inceptions is making strides forward in providing excellent customer service on both coasts.

Our Washington presence is spearheaded by Sharon LaMothe. Like Eloise, Sharon is a past two-time surrogate. After delivering TWO sets of twins for intended parents, Sharon decided to follow her passion into the assisted reproduction field. In 2003, Sharon opened up the doors of her own surrogacy agency, “Surrogacy Consultants of Florida.” It was this agency that inspired Eloise, and eventually, it was Sharon who would mentor and guide Eloise as she founded Family Inceptions.

Sharon is very involved in the assisted reproduction community, serving on many boards and speaking with authority to many of the most well-known names in the ART field. She played an active role in the Washington Parentage Act that made compensated surrogacy agreements legal in Washington State and has also participated on many boards including:
• Fertility Within Reach,
• Fertile Action,
• OBGYN.net,
• The Pregnancy Corner,
• AFOMO, and
• Parents via Egg Donation

Sharon is an avid surrogacy blogger and currently a member of the ASRM and Seattle Tacoma Area Reproductive Society (STARS). Sharon has spoken on surrogacy to major national organizations including RESOLVE, ASRM, American Fertility Association, SMART ART, START ART, Fertile Dreams, AATB, Microsoft, and was recently invited to speak on Surrogacy in the USA in Beijing and Inner Mongolia.

Sharon joins Family Inceptions as our COO and is looking forward to growing our West Coast presence.

Sharon will be joined in the Evergreen State by Mandy Storer. Also a two-time surrogate, Mandy has a background in marketing, broadcasting, and public relations. Another surrogacy blogger, Mandy’s story caught worldwide attention back in 2013. She joined the assisted reproduction field in 2014 and has been invited to speak about her experiences both domestically and internationally. Passionate about the matching process and the surrogate experience, Mandy will be lending her wordsmith services to Family Inceptions as she joins us in the capacity of Communications & Events Manager.

Sharon and Mandy are excited to meet the women of Washington! If you’re interested in learning about surrogacy or if you think you may be a great candidate, click here to contact us. We can set up an in person meeting and walk you through our Family Inceptions program. 

National Infertility Awareness Week: My Turn To #Flipthescript and #Talkabouttrying

In the interest of National Infertility Awareness Week I thought I would take the time to share my story of personal struggle becoming pregnant with my second child. Secondary infertility is no joke and when you had no troubles becoming pregnant with your first (wanted but not planned) you go into that phase of adding onto your family thinking that it will be as easy as stopping your birth control pill. Not so, at least not for me!

My son was 3 in 1989 when my husband and I decided to add a number two in the child category of our family of four. I say family of four because we had my elderly grandmother living with us at the time. (She was in our care from age 89 to age 100 but that is another story.)

 

When I didn't get pregnant as planned that first year of trying, I decided to ask my OBGYN about my options. (Notice I say "my" options because my husband was never involved! No one asked him to come to an appointment nor was his sperm tested....it was decided that it must be a problem with me!) She told me not to worry and gave me a couple of prescriptions including clomid. Needless to say to those of you who have taken clomid, life's a bitch and I was the biggest one in my house! It did nothing good for my attitude nor for getting me pregnant. Taking my basal body temperature Every Single Day on top of it all just made matters worse and me sinking further into a funk.

 

I finally gave up on that avenue of procreation. My OB said that I could go to a fertility clinic but that would have cost money we didn't have and, honestly, I now had my hands full with a 4 year old and a 94 year old! I stopped everything and simply lived my life with flashes of what might have been while I taking care of my friends children on occasion. My in-laws often asked when we were going to give our son a brother or sister until one day I just snapped and told them that no other siblings were on the way and to please stop asking! (I think that is the polite version of my reply.)

 

Fast forward to 1995 when on vacation in Las Vegas/ CA/ Grand Canyon with my in-laws, their friends and our son. My husband, son and I rented a car and broke away from our main group to visit California and I started to get sick. Really ill and miserable, I made noises about finding a clinic to give me something, anything, so I could finish our trip. My husband insisted that I must be pregnant and he and my then soon to be 9 year old went to the nearest drug store to buy a pregnancy test. (and a rose and some chocolate and a blueberry muffin...) It had been a LONG while since I had taken a home pregnancy test and, certain I was NOT pregnant, that this was all food poising! I had my son read the box while I went into the bathroom to pee on the stick. When I came out wondering what I was supposed to look for (no easy + sign or spelled out results like it is now) my son looked at the test and then fell off his bed dramatically, like a teenager who just realized his girlfriend was pregnant! "You ARE pregnant, MOM" he shouted! And then, "You didn't 'you know'!!??" worried that his father and I had had sex while he was in the same room on our vacation. I was in shock and my husband was smug and I couldn't even think how in the world this could have happened.

 

We welcomed our daughter in 1996, a few months less than 10 years between our two kids. No miscarriages, or stillbirths but the haunting monthly (or bi-monthly or quarterly)  proof that I had failed to provide a sibling for our son slowly diminished as I threw myself into caring for our family of 5 (my grandmother passed away in 1999).

 

After my daughter was born I did feel a connection to those who couldn't have children at all or struggled with secondary infertility. Which was why, I think, volunteering (after a medical exam and discussion) to be a gestational surrogate for friends of ours in Florida, (who struggled having their first and wanted a sibling), was not such a shock for my husband. We both knew just how that felt. Long story short, I was able to be a surrogate twice and that changed my life forever. From secondary infertility survivor to gestational carrier to working with a third party reproductive attorney to agency owner to consultant, I have been able to touch so many lives and share my story with hundreds of hopeful intended parents and surrogates over the past 20 years. 

 

National Infertility Awareness Week is a time for me to reflect on why I do what I do and to come out and #flipthescript and #talkabouttrying. 

Let's all come together, not just for NIAW but everyday and talk about these issues. You are not alone and neither am I! Let's not have one more person feel segregated and misunderstood. We all have important stories to share. Thank you for reading mine!

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Surrogacy in Washington State; Are YOU Interested in Changing Lives?

Surrogacy in Washington State; Are YOU Interested in Changing Lives?

Did you hear that the governor of Washington State has signed a NEW bill into law regarding compensated surrogacy? Starting January 1st 2019 women in Washington, who desire to help someone by carrying a baby for them, can do just that and be compensated for their time and dedication. Being a surrogate isn't an easy job, as you might remember from your own pregnancies, but it is rewarding and guaranteed to be a life changing experience. There are many issues to consider with surrogacy. If you are interested in speaking with me about all that surrogacy involves, I would be more than happy to answer your questions. I was a gestational surrogate twice, giving birth to two sets of twins for two different couples! I enjoy sharing my own experiences plus what I have learned throughout the past 20 years of being a consultant! You can email me at [email protected]. Most requirements for a woman to be qualified to act as a gestational surrogate are based on the expectations of doctors and clinics and the laws that are in place (that vary state to state in some cases). Agency’s also have their own list of what their clients are looking for in a surrogate. If you feel that you have the qualities listed below, I would love to talk with you about what your next steps might involve!  

• Must be a resident of a surrogacy friendly state (WA 2019!!)
• Between the ages of 21 and 40
• Uncomplicated Pregnancy/Birth at least once* (no more than 2 C-sections)
• Healthy (no STD's, HIV, *some medications ok)
• Parenting own child/children
• No criminal history
• Health Insurance with maternity coverage* (If you don't have this, the Intended Parents will provide for you)
• A stable income
• Reliable transportation
• No Medicaid/State Insurance*
• A non-smoker/not exposed to smoke OR non-marijuana (cannabis) user and no vaping
• No history of drug or alcohol problems
• Have a spouse, significant other or another support system who’s supportive of the decision to become a Surrogate Mother
• Have a healthy weight/height ratio* (BMI)
• Loves being pregnant and have the desire to give the miracle of life  

• case by case

I look forward to hearing from you soon!

This call is FREE OF CHARGE for those women considering surrogacy and just want some answers!

Sharon LaMothe 

LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting
http://LaMotheSurrogacyConsulting.com 

Issaquah, WA 98027

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Update on the Washington State Uniform Parentage Bill on Compensated Surrogacy Arrangements- SB6037

SB6037 has now been heard in the WA House and will be voted on next week with no real wrinkles that I am aware of. With the testimony of Jennifer Tammen (Former IP), Jon Tammen (17 year old son born via surrogacy in CA) and Melissa Flaherty (The wonderful CA Gestational Carrier for the Tammen's who has now testified twice this year in favor of our surrogacy bill), are among the many who have offered both the senate and the house their support of SB6037 and have encouraged the members to think of those suffering from infertility here in WA state and how much of an emotional and financial burden it is to be so far apart during the surrogacy process. 

Jon Tammen and Melissa Flaherty in Olympia 2018

Below is the Brief Summary of Engrossed Substitute Bill. I will be sure to post more about Bill SB6037 as it goes for a vote next week!

Surrogacy Agreements.
New provisions are established governing both gestational surrogacy agreements and genetic
surrogacy agreements. A gestational surrogate is a woman who agrees to become pregnant
through assisted reproduction using gametes that are not her own, while a genetic surrogate is a
woman who agrees to become pregnant through assisted reproduction using her own gamete.

In order to act as a surrogate, a woman must:
*be at least 21 years of age;
*have previously given birth to at least one child but not enter into more than two
surrogacy agreements that result in the birth of a child;
*complete a medical evaluation and mental health consultation; and
*have independent legal representation of her choice throughout the surrogacy
arrangement.

Each intended parent under a surrogacy agreement must be at least 21 years of age, complete a
medical evaluation and mental health consultation, and have independent legal representation
throughout the surrogacy arrangement.

House Bill Analysis - 5 - ESSB 6037
A surrogacy agreement must comply with the following requirements:
*at least one party must be a resident of the state, or at least one medical evaluation or
procedure or mental health consultation must occur in the state;
*the agreement must be in a record, signed by each party, and attested by a notarial officer
or witnessed;
*counsel for the woman acting as a surrogate and the intended parent or parents must be
identified in the surrogacy agreement;
*the intended parents must pay for legal representation for the woman acting as a
surrogate; and
*the agreement must be executed before the occurrence of a medical procedure related to
the agreement.

 

A surrogacy agreement must also comply with other requirements, including that: each intended
parent immediately upon birth will be the parents of the child and assume financial responsibility
for the child, regardless of the number of children born or the gender or mental or physical
condition of each child; and the woman acting as a surrogate must be permitted to make all
health and welfare decisions regarding herself and the pregnancy. A surrogacy agreement may
provide for payment of consideration, reasonable expenses, and reimbursement of expenses if the
agreement is terminated.

Genetic surrogacy agreements must be validated by the superior court in a proceeding
commenced before the assisted reproduction. A party may terminate a surrogacy agreement at
any time before a gamete or embryo transfer. Under a genetic surrogacy agreement, the woman
acting as a surrogate may withdraw consent to the agreement at any time before 48 hours after
the birth of the child by providing each intended parent with notice. A woman acting as a
surrogate is not liable for a penalty or liquidated damages for terminating the agreement except
in a case involving fraud.

Upon birth of a child under a gestational surrogacy agreement, each intended parent is by
operation of law a parent of the child and neither the woman acting as a surrogate nor her spouse
or former spouse is a parent of the child. Each intended parent under a court-validated genetic
surrogacy agreement is a parent of a child conceived under the agreement.

Where an intended parent dies before the gamete or embryo transfer, the intended parent is not a
parent of the child unless the agreement provides otherwise and the transfer occurs not later than
36 months after the death of the intended parent or the birth occurs not later than 45 months after
the death of the intended parent.

A party may institute a proceeding for an order or judgment regarding parentage under a
surrogacy agreement. Provisions are established governing the effect and enforceability of
surrogacy agreements, including the effect of nonvalidated genetic surrogacy agreements and
remedies available for breach of an agreement. Unless otherwise ordered by a court, a petition
and other documents related to a surrogacy agreement are not open to inspection except by the
parties to the proceeding, a child conceived by assisted reproduction under the agreement, their
attorneys, and the State Registrar for Vital Statistics.

Information About Donor. More specific standards are established regarding the requirement for
a gamete bank or fertility clinic to collect and maintain records of a donor's identifying
House Bill Analysis - 6 - ESSB 6037

Information and medical history. A gamete bank or fertility clinic must obtain a declaration from
the donor regarding whether or not the donor agrees to disclose the donor's identity to a child
conceived with the donor's gametes once the child turns 18 years of age. Upon request, a gamete
bank or fertility clinic must make a good faith effort to provide a child conceived by assisted
reproduction access to nonidentifying medical history of the donor and identifying information
of the donor unless the donor signed a declaration stating that the donor does not agree to
disclosure of identifying information.

Other Provisions. The act applies to a pending proceeding to adjudicate parentage commenced
before the effective date of the act for an issue on which a judgment has not been entered.
Regulations are established governing a surrogacy broker that arranges or facilitates surrogacy
transactions if: the surrogacy broker does business in Washington; a surrogate who is a party to a
surrogacy agreement resides in Washington during the term of the agreement; or any medical
procedures under the agreement are performed in Washington.

Appropriation: None.
Fiscal Note: Requested on February 14, 2018.
Effective Date: The bill takes effect on January 1, 2019. 

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WA State and the Uniform Parentage Act Bill 6037 Will Change the Lives of Many!

I traveled to Olympia yesterday to support the new SB 6037 Uniform Parentage Action Bill.  I was told that within the next week or so we will know if it moves on. There are several parts to this bill but the biggest hitch is the surrogacy portion. Most of us feel that this will be the best law regarding surrogacy in the USA. I invite you all to read it yourself and comment here, PM me on Facebook or email me as I would love to hear your thoughts. NEW SECTION. Sec. 702. ELIGIBILITY TO ENTER GESTATIONAL OR GENETIC SURROGACY AGREEMENT. http://lawfilesext.leg.wa.gov/.../Senate%20Bills/6037.pdf 
I hope to be testifying when the bill reaches the House. I will keep you all posted. This will mean some big changes for WA state! The entire state would be open to new possibilities in the realm of Third Party Family Building!

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#SurrogacyMyth: You can't become a Gestational Surrogate if your tubes are tied

Many women have said “I would love to be a surrogate but I have had my tubes tied.” They are very surprised to learn that, indeed, a tubal ligation will not prevent them from helping a couple become a family!

A tubal ligation is a permanent form of birth control, true.  After this procedure has been performed, an egg cannot move from the ovary through the tubes (a woman has two Fallopian tubes), and eventually to the uterus. Also, sperm cannot reach the egg in the Fallopian tube after ovulation (release of an egg from the ovary.) To become a Gestational Carrier, where you are not using your own eggs or tubes and therefore a woman can become a surrogate even if her tubes have been tied. (You cannot become a traditional surrogate where you would be using your own eggs.)

If this is the only thing holding you back from becoming a surrogate, I suggest that you find an agency and see what else you need to do to qualify as a gestational carrier. You will be glad you did!

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#SurrogacyMyth: It doesn't matter how over weight you are, you can still be a surrogate mother/gestational carrier

I cannot express how much it pains me to tell someone with a BMI of 36 that she is not qualified to become a surrogate mother especially when she is qualified in every other way! I know agency owners feel the same way. Many times, a wonderful woman, mother of 4, loves being pregnant, mid 30s, responsible and caring, no medical issues other than she is overweight is rejected because she needs to lose 30 lbs. Who made up these “rules”? The Reproductive Endocrinologist and the findings within the fertility community! And why, you ask? Because, for Intended Parents, surrogacy is their last best shot at having a family of their own and statics show that overweight people often don’t do as well via IVF as women within the normal range.

A high BMI indicates obesity:

A standard medical definition of "normal" body weight is a BMI of about 18.5 - 24.9

A BMI under 18.5 indicates that the person is "underweight"

A BMI of 25.0 - 29.9 indicates that the individual is "overweight", but not obese

A BMI over 30 indicates obesity

A BMI over 40 indicates extreme obesity

Obesity is associated with increased risk for several serious disease processes and that isn’t good for the surrogate or the baby she is carrying. The suggestion I often give out to women in the mid 30 BMI range is to start changing their eating profile and make some lifestyle changes. I hate saying “diet” because this weight has to stay off and healthy choices have to be maintained throughout the pregnancy. Give yourself 3-6 months to lose the weight and then try applying again to the agency of your choice.

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#SurrogacyMyth: You can be a surrogate even if you have never been pregnant

I have heard women say “Since I don’t want children of my own, I would be the perfect surrogate” or "I don’t want my own baby but I do want to experience pregnancy” or “I know I want children later but I want to be a surrogate now”. To all these women, if I feel they would be qualified, I say “What about egg donation because you are not qualified to be a surrogate”. Many sighs of disappointment and questions of “why not”? (Are you digging the quotes?)

Here are the main reasons that someone who has never had a baby should not be a surrogate:

*There is no previous experience with pregnancy and birth. No one knows what complications this body may have.

*Not sure if there would be any fertility issues

*No personal knowledge of the discomforts of pregnancy

*No personal knowledge of the pain of the birthing process

*Possible emotional issues through out

I have heard of surrogates without previous pregnancy experience be successful but that is almost always for a family member. Some clinics or doctors will make an exception in these cases. Again I remind my readers that the surrogacy process is costly with the Intended Parents investing thousands and thousands of dollars and having someone that has proven that she can carry and give birth to at least one healthy baby is an important part of the process.

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#SurrogacyMyth: Intended Parents have no right to know their surrogate's medical history

 

Once all parties make the beginning steps toward becoming part of a surrogacy arrangement, separately or together, all of past medical issues will be revealed. (At least the ones that have to do with pregnancy, fertility, any transmitted diseases, depression etc.) Everyone has to sign medical waivers and the surrogate will know the back ground of the IPs just as the IPs will know the medical background of their surrogate. The RE/clinic will also have records pertaining to past pregnancies of the surrogate or IVF cycles involving the Intended Parents. Nothing can be secret or sacred when the health of the surrogate is at stake or the best chances for the embryo. If you have something to hide then surrogacy in the USA is not for you.

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#SurrogacyMyth: 2nd hand cigarette or pot smoke is not a concern during a surrogacy pregnancy

This is a total myth as everyone knows how dangerous second-hand smoke is to pregnant women as well as other adults and children. If you are exposed to second-hand smoke during pregnancy, both you and your baby are put at risk. Some of the health conditions associated with being exposed to second-hand smoke are a miscarriage, low birth weight, early birth, learning or behavioral deficiencies in your child, and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Third-hand smoke is the residue left behind by cigarettes on furniture, in rugs, in paint, etc.  Third-hand smoke can stick around for months or years. If a place smells like smoke, even if no one is currently smoking, it is a safe bet there is tobacco residue there. You can read more about second and third hand smoke and pregnancy here: http://americanpregnancy.org/pregnancy-complications/second-hand-smoke-and-pregnancy/

All Surrogacy agreements have a non-smoking clause or at the very least a clause that states the surrogate will follow OBGYN’s orders/guidelines and in those orders is to not expose yourself to smoke or pollution of any kind (within reason) besides cigarette and marijuana smoke there are the chemical fumes from mani and pedicures, some hair dyes, and gasoline fumes to name a few sources.

Some women who want to become surrogates have partners or husbands who smoke. Even if they state they will only smoke outside the home, there is still that chance of 3^rd hand smoke in the car and on clothing. The best bet is to have everyone in the home to be non-smokers.

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#SurrogacyMyth: If a woman has been pregnant in the past year or so, she shouldn't need a maternity clothing allowance

Ahhhh the Maternity Clothing Allowance, a topic of many a conversation. Most surrogacy arrangements have an amount of $750-$1000.00 earmarked for maternity clothing. In the case of twins, a surrogate may use that money around the 10^th week of pregnancy and for a singleton she may use it at around 12-14 weeks. Nothing stops anyone from buying clothing earlier from what the agreement states but the surrogate will not be reimbursed until the time agreed.

Some intended parents might ask a surrogate why she would need new maternity clothing especially if she had a baby within the past 2 years. Here are just a few reasons:

*She gave all of her maternity clothing away not thinking that she might need them again

*She had her last baby in the winter and will need a wardrobe for an entirely different season(s)

*She has a “professional” career and needs to update her wardrobe

*She has a job that requires a uniform and she needs to buy maternity sizes in order to continue working

*She tossed all of her old maternity undergarments and will need to buy new (comfortable bras and underwear often need replacing)

*She has an event that she will attend during her pregnancy and will need to buy appropriate clothing 

*She needs clothes for all reasons: Sleeping, playing, swimming, working, lounging, going out and staying in.

If your wife or significant other were carrying this baby, would you not expect her to buy clothing that was stylish and actually fit for her growing body? Case closed.

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Surrogacy 101 Blog in Feedspot Top 50 Surrogacy Blogs

I received this message yesterday: 

"My name is Anuj Agarwal. I'm Founder of Feedspot.

I would like to personally congratulate you as your blog Surrogacy 101 has been selected by our panelist as one of the Top 50 Surrogacy Blogs on the web. 

http://blog.feedspot.com/surrogacy_blogs/

 

I personally give you a high-five and want to thank you for your contribution to this world. This is the most comprehensive list of Top 50 Surrogacy Blogs on the internet and I’m honored to have you as part of this!"

 

It's always nice to be validated and acknowledged and making the top 50 on the Internet for Surrogacy is pretty awesome! I hope that my dear readers also feel that the information found on Surrogacy 101 is helpful and easy to understand! I appreciate your continued support!

 

 Thank you!

Sharon LaMothe

LaMothe Services, LLC

http://LaMotheServices.com

LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting

http://LaMotheSurrogacyConsulting.com

InfertilityAnswers

http://InfertilityAnswers.org

#SurrogacyMyth: Any attorney can draw up a surrogacy contract so don't waste time vetting reproductive lawyers

Would you have a mail man sell your home for you just because he sees a lot of houses during his mail delivery route? NO? Well then don’t expect a family law attorney or a divorce lawyer to have the knowledge to draw up a surrogacy contract. It’s tempting to want to cut corners and save money but skimping on the contract phase is not the place to do that!

The gestational surrogacy contract, as well as the contracts for traditional surrogacy, are lengthy and complicated. The wording is very important and there are several sections outlining who is responsible for what and what happens under certain circumstances. It covers issues like what constitutes a breach of contract, who will be named guardian if something happened to the Intended Parents, what happens to the baby if it’s born with a deformity, and who is holding escrow and when are payments made? (Among many other things)

Make the investment and hire an attorney who knows the ins and outs of reproductive law. Not adoption law, not family law, but REPRODUCTIVE LAW. This lawyer can also handle the parentage actions needed to ensure that the Intended Parents names are on the birth certificate. If something should go wrong or there is a misunderstanding, the contract may hold the solutions.

The contract doesn’t promise that the humans who signed it will behave or that everything will go smoothly but it does make sure they everyone is following the “rules” and fulfilling expectations. A good surrogacy contract lends everyone a piece of mind during what can be a long and sometimes complicated process. Protect yourself and insist on the best lawyer for the job. (*NOTE: Both the IPs and the GC need their own attorneys, one lawyer to draw to up the contract and one to review the contract on behalf of the surrogate.)

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#SurrogacyMyth: Surrogates are in the business of selling babies

Can we all say the word ILLEGAL all together? Surrogacy does not equate the selling of babies. No matter what some say, any money a surrogate may make is nothing compared to a full-time job. What payments a surrogate does receive is to either assist her in taking care of herself or taking care of the unborn baby she carries OR reimbursements for co-pays or incidentals needed to follow her contract throughout the surrogacy process.

A first-time surrogate receives between $28-$34 thousand. That may look like a lot but the average surrogacy journey lasts for at least 15-18 months. At the high end, that’s $1888 per month (for those that hate math). I wonder how much day care costs per week these days? And that would be 5 days a week for 9-10 hours. If it were 24/7 I would hazard a bet that it would be more then 2k per month. There is a benefit package that often accompanies the base fee which includes reimbursements for things like lost wages, child care, housekeeping, and maternity clothing, to name a few. There is also compensation for invasive procedures like amniocentesis, C-sections or D&C’s.

In Gestational Surrogacy, women are volunteering to carry a baby for another person or couple. Yes, there is money involved. Payments are also made to the clinic, the egg donor, the RE, the attorney, the mental health professionals, the pharmacy, the OBGYN, and the hospital. This list doesn’t include any specialist that might be involved with the pregnancy/birth. Surrogacy is an expensive process no matter how you look at it.

The thing to remember is surrogacy is an unselfish feeling that has to start in the heart. Of course there are other reasons and rewards that women may want to be a surrogate but the main point is helping others have the children they need to make them parents. It’s simple really. People helping people, families helping families. What could be wrong with that?

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Handmaid’s Tale: Separating Fertility Fact from Fiction by Jennifer “Jay” Palumbo

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/handmaids-tale-separating-fertility-fact-from-fiction_us_59626fc3e4b0cf3c8e8d599d

Today I am sharing a great article from the Huffington Post written by Jennifer “Jay” Palumbo Writer, Public Speaker, Infertility and Women's Rights Advocate!  I was selected to participate in reading the 1985 version of the Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood and then we discussed it during a Skype session and again on a phone conference AND then we answered more questions via email. Follow the link to see what we all thought about this controversial piece. If you also have read the book I know that we all would love to hear your take on it!

Here is one of my quotes (STRONG thoughts about this book and how it relates to Surrogacy): SHARON: I think they are very far from reality of surrogacy as it stands today here in the United States. Even in India, this would not be called surrogacy. This is rape. This is enslavement. This is kidnapping. This is inhumane.

Handmaid’s Tale: Separating Fertility Fact from Fiction

Below, some of my friends (who also happen to be fertility professionals) discuss the book based on the questions I put together after finally reading it. The questions below are more fertility focused but still hit on so many big issues. If YOU have read the book, I also hope you’ll share your comments below. For now, let me introduce you to the members of the book club! They are:

Sharon LaMothe - Surrogacy Expert

Annie Kuo - Principal of Emerald Fertility Consulting

Carrie Van Steen - Fertility Coach & Patient Advocate

Lisa Rosenthal - Strategic Content & Advocacy Lead at Reproductive Medicine Associates of Connecticut; Founder of Fertile Yoga: Fertility Activist

Me (Jennifer “Jay” Palumbo) – Your hostess who is a Freelance Writer, Infertility/Women’s Rights Advocate and a Marketing Strategy & Communications Consultant

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#SurrogacyMyth: If you are a gay couple you don't need a full medical checkup before you look for a surrogate mother

This is going to be a short post. If you are gay (or a single male) and are considering expanding your family via surrogacy, you need to have a full medical checkup first. If you are using your own sperm then you need a full Semen Analysis. Why? Because you don’t know how healthy your sperm is. A semen analysis measures three major factors of sperm health:

the number of sperm

the shape of the sperm

the movement of the sperm, also known as “sperm motility”

Doctors will often conduct two or three separate sperm analyses to get a good idea of sperm’s health. According to the American Association for Clinical Chemistry (AACC), the tests should be conducted at least seven days apart and over the course of two to three months. Sperm counts can vary on a daily basis.

Why go through all the work and expense of finding your egg donor, a gestational carrier or a traditional surrogate when you don’t know if you will also need a sperm donor or a little help with the egg fertilization? Look at your own health first and then move forward with the family building process.

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#SurrogacyMyth: As long as you are of legal age (18) & have had a baby, you can become a surrogate

Sorry but NO. Has it never happened before, an 18-year-old becoming a surrogate? I am sure it has in the past but there are many reasons that it is rare, especially in the USA. Here is my take on why it is best to wait until a woman is at least 21 to become a surrogate.

First, an 18-year-old with a baby, because she has to have had an uncomplicated pregnancy and birth AND parenting her own child as per most requirements, will have her hands full just parenting! Secondly, although she is of legal age to sign a contract, it could be challenged in court depending on the circumstances. Third, the rest of a woman’s fertile life has to be considered. There is a chance that she might lose her fertility due to a complication within the surrogacy pregnancy/birth. Although this is the same for older women it can be even more devastating for those under 21.

Very few 18-20 year old’s will pass the psychological evaluation due to maturity. Responsible and mature women with life experience make the better surrogate/carrier (one would hope). I know that statement will not be a popular one among those younger women but the truth is the surrogacy process is very expensive for Intended Parents. Upwards toward $125,000.00 and that means that the majority of the responsibility rests on the shoulders of the surrogate. She needs to take her part very seriously. A surrogate needs to follow all of the doctor’s orders. She needs to take all of her shots, pills, patches etc. at the right times. She needs to have reliable transportation to attend each and every appointment. She needs to take care of herself even if it means putting her own family on the back burner. If she is put on bedrest that means staying on bedrest, if she is told no sexual activities with her partner then that means NONE. If she is told she can’t lift more than 10 lbs. that means no picking up her 30-pound toddler. She needs to keep track of every receipt, bill, statement and parking permit throughout the process.

Needless to say, for those of you who are under 21 and dream about becoming a surrogate, just wait. Do all of your research, read the qualifications and requirements and be ready when the time comes to fill out that application. Your heart is in the right place and that is the first step!

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#SurrogacyMyth: Qualified women who want to become Gestational Carriers are so easy to find

Searching for someone to help you build your family is never easy no matter what you read in the magazines or online.  Because of the long list of requirements and qualifications, even the most warm hearted and kind women can be rejected for seemingly the simplest reasons. This makes it very difficult to find the right surrogacy candidates even for agencies. Think of it this way: First, the age group of 21-38 (sometimes through 40 depending), then only those who have had an uncomplicated pregnancy and birth are considered. Out of that group, healthy weight and lifestyle (BMI below 30, nonsmokers or drinkers, no STD’s or medical issues such as depression etc.) will continue on. The field is narrowed even further with only those women who are not on state or federal assistance and have their own transportation.

Now, if the woman you are looking for has passed all of these hurdles she still needs to pass a psychological and medical evaluation. More importantly she has to WANT to be a surrogate. Most women do not. They are raising their own families and/or have a career to consider. Or they hated being pregnant. These women may not have husbands or partners who would be supportive of the whole idea of surrogacy. Even if a woman wanted to be a surrogate and met every requirement listed above, if she lives in a state that criminalizes surrogacy, you are both out of luck.

On top of all of these guidelines, requirements, stipulations and so on….there are the “wish lists”. Intended Parents may want a woman who lives locally to them or at least in the same surrogacy friendly state, they may want someone who is of the same religion or race, or they may want someone who will follow a certain diet like vegan or vegetarian for example. They may want a “stay at home mom” or someone without very young children. How about a woman who has her own insurance that allows surrogacy arrangements? And what about her base fee? Low compensation in order to save money? Or maybe money isn’t a issue and the IPs are wanting someone who has been a surrogate before. Not just an experienced surrogate but a successful surrogate. Oh! And someone who would be willing to carry twins! The list can grow very long.

Let’s not forget the surrogate’s side of things. She has her own ideas on who she carries a baby for. She may want a couple who are gay….or not. She might consider carrying for someone who is single or International. She will want her husband or partner to like the Intended Parents too. She might want someone who will allow her to keep in touch after the birth, pump breast milk, or she has visions of lifelong friendship. Maybe she has plans for the money she will make as a surrogate so she is asking for top compensation for her services. She might sign on with an agency or feel like she can “go independent” with no representation. The surrogate’s list can be very long too!

Now I know I haven’t listed all possibilities but this post is just to highlight why finding a surrogate mother, gestational carrier is anything but easy. However, don’t give up hope! Keep your wish list short and your expectations reasonable. You can hire an agency to help you but know that it’s not usual for you to find a match in a week or even a month. These things take time and patience. Surrogacy is not for the faint hearted but for those who persevere.

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#SurrogacyMyth: If a family member or friend volunteers to become your surrogate, she is automatically qualified by all professionals

It’s so nice when you are struggling to find someone to carry your baby for you, a person from your friends or family list steps up and volunteers to help you build your family in the most intimate of ways. Some may think that all they need to do is inform their clinic that they have found a woman to be their carrier and assume that the clinic will just walk them through the process. Not so! I strongly suggest that any IP or woman who wants to be a surrogate do some research before spending a dime.

As wonderful as an offer of surrogacy is, make sure that your friend or family member is qualified. After saying Thank YOU! call your clinic and see what their requirements are for a gestational carrier. There might be an age range (21-40), healthy BMI range, she has to have had a uncomplicated pregnancy and currently parenting her child/children, non-smoker, not on (most) medication to name a few qualifications. Don’t assume that just because she has had a good pregnancy in her past that she will automatically qualified. You want the best person to be your surrogate and even if emotionally your choice seems like a good one there is a lot to be said about a healthy body too!

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