Surrogacy 101

Kids and Surrogacy, What Do They Need to Know?

It's very important to talk to kids about surrogacy, whether it's as a surrogate mother or an intended parent, all children need to know the who, what, when and whys of surrogacy!  IP's may have a child of their own and wonder how to explain that another baby will be joining their family but Mom will not be pregnant.They may be looking ahead into the future and think about the day that they, the IP's, will talk to their child about how they came into this world and their own family. I will address this in a future blog with examples of how other IP's have approached this difficult topic.

 

For now, as a mother and a potential carrier, it's important that everyone is on-board in your household regarding your surrogacy. You may have children who are too young to even understand what a pregnancy is...a 2 or 3 year old may just need to know the bare minimum....and except it as the norm. I know that my daughter at age 3 would go around telling anyone who would listen that her mommy was carrying a baby for Ms. K and it wasn't ours! This made an interesting conversation in the Sears check out line! Honestly, it's the older children most affected. Their pregnant mother will be exposed to their friends, neighbors, teachers, church family and cub/girl scout leaders! Pregnant and not with a baby that belongs to Dad! With no intentions of bringing it home from the hospital! Ask your 8 year old to explain THAT situation! or your 13 or 17 year old for that matter!

 

When I approached my teenager about being a surrogate for others,  I had some explaining to do regarding HOW I was going to get pregnant with another couple's baby in the first place. I first told him about the couple and the circumstances. Then I explained the medical procedure in layman's terms. (Which is all I knew at the time) I used the analogy of donating my body to carry a baby for 9 months and then getting my body back. He really was very supportive and as long as he wasn't getting another sibling, he was quite happy! (needless to say that he had his hands full already with his own little sister! ) I think that for the most part, children are very giving and understanding regarding surrogacy. They think 'why wouldn't everyone want to have a baby/kid/child because look at how happy I make MY OWN PARENTS!'

 

Many surrogates, including me, have said to their younger kids 'MS. ___'s tummy is broken and so she needs me to carry her baby for her and then I will give this baby to her/his parents in the hospital'. Very simple and to the point. There may be follow up questions but nothing that you can't handle. There are several books out there as well for younger children. One of those books I wrote called Surrogacy Helps Make a Family Grow! which will help your child understand the surrogacy concept, and give the tools on how to explain what you are doing, to his/her own friends. Just remember to be consistent throughout your pregnancy stating to your children often that this baby is NOT yours, not a member of your family, how happy and excited the IP's are and the fact that he/she will NOT be living in your home after it's born.

 

The most important thing is to make your surrogacy a family event! Be PROUD because you are giving a gift that will keep on giving forever....and your family will be your support, your foundation, your strength as you go through a pregnancy for another couple, helping them to realize their own goals...to have a family just like YOURS!

 

On a side note, a great agency will also help you through the surrogacy process and also be supportive and have invaluable information and guidance throughout! Family Inceptions is just one of those agencies and I invite you to contact us for more information on how you can give a gift that will forever change lives! 

Confessions of an Apprehensive Intended Parent by Guest Blogger Susanna Gedaro, Owner of Special Deliveries, LLC

“You worked with a… a… surrogate??? You mean… like… *that movie*???”

If I had a penny for every time I heard that, I’d be a millionaire.

Embedded in that question are so, so many others. Questions like:

What if she turns out to be crazy? Aren’t you worried she will use drugs or drink heavily during the pregnancy?

Aren’t you afraid she will try to keep the baby? Does she have any legal rights to the baby?

What will her emotional connection be with the baby, will there be any sort of weird co parenting arrangement with her forevermore?

Do you have to keep in touch with her after the pregnancy is over?            

Are you going to bond with the baby the same way?                         

What will you tell the child about this?

Are you *really* going to be the parent(s)? I mean… the REAL parent(s)? In every sense?

 

My friends and family were mostly completely unfamiliar with having a baby via Gestational Carrier, it seemed weird to nearly everyone I knew and they were worried on my behalf. Nobody, me included, didn’t know what we didn’t know. The only exposure most people have to surrogacy is either “Baby Mama” or a million lifetime movies where everything that could possibly go wrong, did. So I decided to take the opportunity in this article to address some common fears and worries from an IP perspective.

First, let’s talk about all those movies. Pretty much everything that could go wrong did in them. But here’s the thing to remember, when things go wrong that’s when they make a movie about it, otherwise there’s no dramatic storyline. When things in surrogacy (more typically) go right, there’s nothing particularly dramatic for people to salivate over and repeat to each other.  It’s reminds me of that often heard “Oh, just adopt and then you’ll get pregnant.” While there is so much just inherently wrong in this statement, starting with the fact that it implies that an adopted child is only a means to having a biological child as opposed to fulfilling dreams of parenthood themselves, not to mention perpetuating the myth that “just relaxing” cures infertility, statistically speaking, that statement is utterly and completely false anyway. The rate of people who spontaneously become pregnant (after struggling with infertility) post adoption is the same as for those who have struggled with infertility who do not choose to adopt. In this situation, if there’s no unexpected pregnancy, there’s nothing to talk about. When there is something unexpected that happens, people naturally talk about it and this makes it seem like this is far more common than it actually is. The same is true for surrogacy arrangements gone sour and/or which completely go off the rails. So take every movie you’ve ever seen on this subject and permanently throw it into your mental dumpster. Now set it on fire and walk away!

Now let’s get to answering these questions…

1. What if the surrogate turns out to be crazy and/or drink heavily/use drugs during the pregnancy?

This is a fear that is not solely that of IP’s, GC’s can have this same fear about IP’s being mentally unstable. And let’s face it, there can be bad apples and scammers on both sides of this. This fear however, can be eliminated by working with a good agency that you trust.

For my four journeys I matched independently, mainly for financial reasons. I wanted to save money by not paying an agency fee and thought I could find a GC on my own just as easily. Yet again, I didn’t know what I didn’t know because both of those assumptions on my part turned out to be patently untrue and, in hindsight, doing things differently would have saved me a lot of money and, more importantly, a lot of heartbreak and wasted time. First, I had a friend offer and then back out which, emotionally, was just like another miscarriage. I then found someone who I thought was a great fit, I visited her at home, met her kids, did contracting and started the process. She passed the psych evaluation and medical clearance with flying colors. It was a fresh cycle so we had started meds when her email bounced. I thought that was odd but waited a few days and emailed again. Same result. Then I called her and found her phone was disconnected. I assumed she had had a change of heart and just didn’t want to tell me. I was crushed but then called the insurance company through which I had purchased a medical plan for her. Since there had been no claims made on it they offered to refund it, however they would only refund it to the person on the policy, namely her. I explained over and over the situation and escalated it several times but they wouldn’t budge and cut the check to her and mailed it to her. They confirmed that it had been cashed a few weeks later and I never heard from her again. Change of heart or original plan, she scammed me. I lost all the money from the insurance company deposit in addition to all the money from the canceled IVF cycle including medications. All this alone easily would have paid for an agency fee, a few times over. The next candidate I met I saw the red flags for before agreeing to match with her but I’m certain she was not on the up and up because too many parts of her story did not add up. The fourth woman I met seemed great until I discovered that she had contracted with an agency but was also looking for IP’s on her own at the same time, so she was being dishonest with the agency. It was at this point I believe, that I called up a good friend who had experience with surrogacy, owner of this blog, Sharon LaMothe. I’m not sure if she remembers the phone call but I remember being in tears that I now had four failed independent matches under my belt and wondered out loud if this would ever work or if I was just cursed. Sharon listened to all of it and, in between my sobs, gave me several pieces of great advice and was incredibly kind throughout. Though she wasn’t running an agency at the time (I would have signed on in a heartbeat if she had been) she gave me the name of a woman she knew who had been a GC before and might be interested in being a Gestational Carrier again. This woman ultimately became my first GC.

Though my four successful matches were all done independently and ultimately all worked out exceptionally well, in hindsight I would have saved myself a lot of heartbreak and countless months of wasted time had I just gone with an agency in the first place. Before I met the GC that Sharon introduced me to, I had spent countless hours of my time interviewing potential matches, driving all over the place (and paying for hotels, gas, restaurant meals etc.) so I could meet them and wasted months in a search that a good agency would have done far more efficiently and far more competently as well.  Not only will a good agency screen Gestational Carriers (and IP’s) to make sure everyone is on the up and up and in the right frame of mind, they will make sure a GC is not a drug user or smoker, does not drink heavily during the pregnancy, ensure a GC passes a psychological/mental health evaluation and does not carry any communicable diseases. The agency will also actually (counter intuitively, I know) save IP’s money both in avoiding scams, not paying travel costs for interviews and save a whole lot of time and potentially heartbreak as well. That’s just the tip of the iceberg regarding what a good agency will do, however that’s better left for a different article.

2. Are you worried she will try to keep the baby? Does she have any legal rights to do so?

This question always makes me laugh because when I think of my GC’s nothing seems more ludicrous. Now granted, when they are faceless, nameless women in your head and just the *idea* of a GC as opposed to a specific actual living, breathing woman, yes, that can be a scary thought. But the reality is that most Gestational Carriers are motivated by altruism. They want to help another family and get great satisfaction from doing so. But even if that weren’t the case, a typical surrogate is pretty fertile. If she wanted another baby, she would just have one of her own, she wouldn’t want mine. Finally, my Gestational Carriers gave birth in a surrogacy friendly state so, even if she wanted to, she legally could not keep my children since she did not have a genetic/biological connection to any of them. This again goes back to working with a good agency who will refer you to a lawyer who has experience in surrogacy law in the state your Gestational Carrier lives in and will ensure that the Gestational Carrier understands and is prepared for any potential post-birth emotions.

As a side note, most of the legal issues arise with traditional surrogacy as opposed to gestational surrogacy. In traditional surrogacy the surrogate is also the genetic/biological mother of the child because her own eggs have been used to create the embryo/pregnancy. In gestational surrogacy, the woman who carries the baby, the Gestational Carrier, has no genetic connection to the baby she is carrying since her eggs were not used to create the pregnancy. Traditional surrogacy has largely fallen out of favor mainly due to the legal gray areas that are inherent to that process. Even if Intended Parents do not have eggs readily available, they will generally contract with an egg donor (who is a different person than their Gestational Carrier) and use her eggs to create their embryos, which will then be transferred to the uterus of the Gestational Carrier.

3. What will her emotional connection be with the baby, will there be any sort of weird co-parenting arrangement with her forevermore?

This is another one that, in hindsight, makes me laugh because knowing what I know now, a weird co-parenting arrangement is also utterly ludicrous. Going into a surrogacy arrangement everyone should understand that as soon as the baby is born, things are nearly exactly as if the IP(s) had given birth. The baby immediately goes on the insurance plan of the IP(s), they make all medical decisions for the baby, obviously name the baby and then take him/her home as soon as the hospital releases him/her. There is no co-parenting whatsoever, the IP(s) are the only parents of the child in every sense.

As far as the emotional connection to the child, this no doubt varies a bit from GC to GC. My GC’s have told me that they feel exactly the same towards my children as they would about the children of any other close friend. They are happy the child has loving parents and rightfully proud that they could help the IP’s grow their family in this way but also go into this knowing that they child is not theirs, therefore there are no parental feelings towards the baby from the Gestational Carrier nor would any feel like they should have any input on parental/family decisions regarding the child.

4. Do you have to keep in touch with her after the pregnancy is over?

In a word, no. There is no obligation to keep in touch in any way, to write letters, share photos etc. as there can be with other situations like open adoptions. That said, as an IP, yes, I do feel gratitude towards my GC’s. They gave me my children, how could I not be grateful?! Before they came into my life, I had experienced the devastation of infertility and multiple miscarriages and these women were the only ones who reached out and helped me out of that terrible place. Each one of them embodied the spirit of altruism and kindness in ways that most people can’t ever even comprehend. Most people simply do not have it in them to give such a huge gift to another family that start out as strangers. So no, I don’t HAVE to keep in touch with any of them, but my personal feelings are “why *wouldn’t* I want to?”. These are some of the kindest, most empathetic women on the planet! I’m honored and grateful for their continued friendship and they are the kind of people who are my first choice to keep in my life. All four became good friends along the way and I was very lucky in that all four now feel like the sisters I never had. My final GC in fact, is now also my business partner and we’ve opened our own surrogacy consulting agency called Special Deliveries, LLC.

That said, that doesn’t always happen. Sometimes both sides are content post birth to allow the relationship to cool. And that’s ok too. A good surrogacy arrangement is one where all parties know and agree on what to expect before, during and post pregnancy.

5. Are you going to bond with the baby the same way?

I was very lucky in that I was able to have one live birth, unfortunately with multiple miscarriages both before and after, prior to pursuing surrogacy. I can tell you from experience that my feelings towards my oldest child and my feelings towards the children I have via surrogacy are exactly the same. Whether I gave birth to them or not had absolutely zero effect on my bonding with them and the maternal love I feel for each one of them.                                        

6. What will you tell the child about this?

The answer to this question obviously will vary with the age of the child, however I believe in being open with them about their origins. Starting from the time they were old enough to have a conversation about it, I let them know using age appropriate language that I did not give birth to them, “mom’s tummy is broken” eventually became “I had had several miscarriages” as they got older.  Given that my Gestational Carriers are still in my life, this was easier because I could just tell them that XYZ gave birth to them. I am not ashamed of how my children came into the world and I think it’s important to normalize it for their sake. Sure, it’s not how babies typically arrive into the world, but maybe that makes their grand entrance even more special, and it sure as heck proves, without a shadow of a doubt, how much they were loved and hoped for, dreamed of and wanted, and loved for years before they were born. Now isn’t *that* a pretty awesome birth story that any child can feel good about?

7. Are you *really* going to be the parent(s)? I mean… the REAL parent(s)? In every sense?

This one is easy: YES! FINALLY! YES!

Ok, that’s an easy answer so let me expound a bit on it…  First, you may question the sanity of the nurses at the hospital for letting you leave with this baby and entrusting you to take care of this perfect little being. Can’t they see you don’t have the slightest idea what you’re doing? Yet somehow you will make it through that first night home with your baby and every night thereafter. You will wonder every day if you’re doing things right and you’ll make many, many mistakes along the way. As the days turn into weeks and months and then years you will find your groove, love your child more each day and more than you ever thought it was possible to love another human being and become the best parent to your unique child. Your weirdness will match and align with their weirdness. You will be the person who makes their favorite meals, teaches them to ride a bike and cleans up the vomit on the sheets at 3am. And they will try your patience, oh how they will try your patience and turn your hair gray! But at the end of the day, you will go to bed knowing that every day with this child is infinitely better than any day you lived through without them in your life and you won’t ever regret a single moment. So, in a word, yes, you will be the real parent, in every sense there is.

 

Susanna Gedaro is the happy mother of 7 children, 6 of whom arrived via gestational surrogacy following years of failed fertility treatments and multiple miscarriages. She matched independently four times with four amazing gestational carriers, the final one of which was Tracy King.  Susanna has been a local Resolve volunteer and leader since 2000 and continues to lead Central Florida Resolve meetings, which assist people in coping with infertility. Tracy King is a gestational carrier who matched twice, once with an agency and once independently, and gave birth in 2014 to Susanna's beautiful, healthy youngest daughter.

Susanna is an engineer by training and worked in the field for many years. Tracy spent several decades in the business sector, both in Human Resources and real estate and still holds an active Florida real estate license. Tracy and Susanna have been speakers on surrogacy both jointly and separately at several local and national events and have helped many, many people achieve their dreams of a family along the way over the years. Currently they co-own the surrogacy consulting agency Special Deliveries, LLC, LLC in Orlando, Florida and are proud members of SEEDS, (Society for Ethics in Egg Donation and Surrogacy) and the ASRM (The American Society for Reproductive Medicine).

Susanna and Tracy continue to not only be business partners, former IP/GC matches, but also BFFs. Because of their combined experience with both sides of this process, IP and GC, they understand this process inside and out and from all angles and utilize that experience to ensure their clients have as joyful and fulfilling journeys as they have had themselves.

 

Explaining the Relationship Between a Surrogate and the Baby She Carries by Guest Blogger "Sassy Surrogate" of Colorado Surrogacy

Dear Sassy Surrogate,
How would you explain the relationship with the surrogate and the surrobaby? I know I am helping create this life to make another family, but how is it different than with my own children? What was your experience? Thank you!

Sincerely, Looking for Insight

Dear Looking,
Here is a peek into my journey and relationship with the surrobaby…
Growing up my dream was never to get married and be a mom, but as I got older and I had more life experiences my dreams changed. I grew up knowing that my sister, who I loved more than anything, would probably never be able to carry her own children, so even before I had my own, I knew I would want to make that dream come true for her if that was possible. (Knowing nothing about surrogacy, how that worked or even the possibilities). I eventually had my own children, with fairly easy pregnancies and births….long story short, during those life experiences I met a dear friend, who was now married, and trying to start a family of their own. The longing to have a child is a strong one, whether it starts as a young child or later in life. If you are able to be a surrogate, and help with that longing for someone else, well nothing is more amazing. Helping create a life, that might otherwise not be? Remarkable! It’s loving a life enough to sacrifice yourself and your family for a baby. A baby to create another family.

During the pregnancy you know this has been a long, sought after thing. You want nothing more than to watch this life grow and flourish into a happy and healthy baby. There is a hope, not just for yourself and your family this time, but a hope for a miracle, a hope to make another’s dream come true. There is a love and a bond as you create this life, adding in the desire for the best for someone else. Watching your belly grow, as the dream grows, yes, there is a relationship with this being you are helping to create, wanting the very best for this baby and their family. Anxiously awaiting every test, every ultrasound in hopes that the dream becomes reality. Feeling the baby move, talking to her, being extra cautious about every decision to try to control the uncontrollable gift of life. This is not to diminish the relationship with your own children in the womb, because that is amazing too, but carrying for someone else is a different feeling of special. Now you are adding another dimension in that relationship, more people, more experiences, more love!

Once the baby is born – it’s the greatest gift ever! You love that baby like as if it were your own, yet knew that you were doing this to create another family all along. It’s akin to meeting a niece of nephew. To see the looks on the parents faces...the joy, the tears, the happiness, the amazement and the gratefulness! You want the best for that child, as if it were your own family, but the details are for their family to work out.
For weeks after the surrobaby was born I would remind myself, especially because I couldn’t physically feel her move anymore or see her in person, that she was ok and with a great family. It helps me that to be able to see pictures of her regularly and watch her grow. I know that is not the case for every surrogacy journey, but I know the feelings of trust for the dream and the love for that family you helped remain the same.

Each journey has its ups and downs, remembering during the whole process the innocence of life and the hope of a baby is the dream, the goal, the reason for the sacrifice regardless of the adult relationships. This baby is special, it is the reason for the process.

Colorado Surrogacy [www.coloradosurro.com] loves to support gestational carriers of all types: Sassy, sensational and splendid. Their entire team [https://www.coloradosurro.com/meet-the-staff] loves to provide support and encouragement through journeys of all types.

Surrogacy 101 Included in Top 10 Surrogacy Blog Contest for 2019

Thank you to everyone who took the time to vote for their favorite blogs! Surrogacy 101 took 7th place and I am happy and honored to be included in the top 10! If there is a topic you would like to see addressed in Surrogacy 101 just let me know! Many thanks to MySurrogateMom.com and David Bull for holding the contest and congratulations to my fellow participants! There are some great blogs out there offering a ton of information on surrogacy and other family building options. Click the link at the bottom of this post to see which blogs should be on your reading list!

 

The moment you understand that you will need the help of surrogacy to create the family you wish, so much can be scary and emotional. And when you start looking for information about surrogacy, you will realize that there are so many resources out there that it is natural to feel overwhelmed. Going through this by yourself can feel lonely at times, and that is normal. For this reason, we have decided to help you by researching the best surrogacy blogs and creating a list of the top ten surrogacy blogs for 2019!

 

These blogs were nominated by our readers, pre-selected based on content quality and how often they are updated, and finally ranked by your more than 3,000 votes in our contest, The Top Surrogacy Blog Awards 2019. We want to thank all of you for your participation in the process, from the initial nominations to the vote.

 

Before announcing the top 10 surrogacy blogs, remember that education is fundamental when pursuing surrogacy; the more you know, the better prepared you will be for what lies ahead. Research, read, learn, and ask!

 

And now click here for  the Ultimate List of Top Ten Surrogacy Blogs!

 

 

 

Looking for That Meaningful Gift to Represent the Unique Relationship Between a Surrogate and Her Intended Family: by Guest Blogger Louma El-Khoury Salloum Owner of Pokidots

The surrogacy journey can be a very draining one. It starts as a positive solution or an opportunity, but it carries with it a load of demands, from medical and legal requirements to psychological and financial responsibilities. The result of this wonderful and tumultuous journey is very much worth the temporary difficulties, though, and the connection that the surrogate and the intended parents end up developing is unlike any other and is one to be treasured forever.

When surrogates look for meaningful gifts for their intended families, the first things that come to mind are baby items to help the intended families in their new path as parents. But do generic gift baskets and baby bundles genuinely represent the true intimate nature of the relationship between the surrogates and their intended families?

How about a special gift that’s meaningful and that serves as a true link between all the parties, including the baby? I am talking about a keepsake—a piece of art that’s made with a birth blanket or one of the very first baby items used at the birth—to mark that special event and the precious relationship that made it happen.

At my Seattle studio, Pokidots!, I take sentimental baby items and make beautiful keepsakes that can be displayed in your home, and that tell the unique and wonderful journey of your family and your baby. A first blanket, a hospital hat, a coming-home outfit, or a favorite onesie become exceptional pieces of art made just for you.

These keepsakes tell stories of long years of infertility that ended with a miracle, stories of grandparents from the 1940s, sleepless nights and grateful days, and everything in between. Choose between 7 styles currently offered and further personalize your keepsake with a first name, an initial, or a short note. Once you send me the outfit or baby item with which you have chosen to have a keepsake made, it will only take a couple of weeks for you to receive it or have it delivered to your recipient.

Parents have described their keepsakes as “more than decorative art [but] treasured heirlooms to pass on” and “unique, wonderfully made pieces of art that are precious and personal to [their] family.” I love taking a small part in the stories of the families with whom I have worked by creating for them a keepsake they can cherish and pass on. The stories and the memories will live forever in these treasured pieces of art.

I would love to create something to capture your unique journey and connection as well. Contact me at [email protected] or visit www.pokidots.com to begin.

Louma El-Khoury Salloum

Artist & owner
www.pokidots.com
Instagram: @pokidots

Ohhhh I Love a Great Contest! Please Nominate YOUR Top Surrogacy Blogs!! Hosted by MySurrogateMom.com

(Of course I would love it if you would enter Surrogacy 101 as your blog choice!)

Just add your favorite surrogacy blog and let the games begin! It's a great way to share information and award the best 10 surrogacy blogs out there! ;-)

Today, we are announcing our contest to help us choose the top ten surrogacy blogs. Don’t miss your chance!

Who made you smile? Offered support and advice? Encouraged you to make a big change? Provided first-class surrogacy content? Share the love and help us identify the best surrogacy blogs.

On April 19, 2019, the MySurrogateMom team will pick 30 blogs for the finals. The winners of the competition (who will made our top ten surrogacy blog list) will be determined by a general vote. Voting will be available from April 19, 2019, to April 30, 2019. Follow to us on Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube, for the contest results!

Click here and Please Submit your Nomination!

Competition Rules

A blog is defined as a web page with dated entries.

The competition is open both to individual surrogacy bloggers and professional blogs operated by companies.

Nominations and votes are anonymous.

All nominations will be reviewed by the MySurrogateMom team and are subject to approval.

Winners will be chosen by the public.

E-mail addresses are required to vote.

Key Deadlines

Complete the form below to nominate a blog. Hurry up! Nominations will be accepted until April 18, 2019.

On April 19, 2019, the MySurrogateMom team will pick 30 blogs for the finals. The winners of the competition (who will made our top ten surrogacy blog list) will be determined by a general vote. Voting will be available from April 19, 2019, to April 30, 2019.

Follow to us on Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube, for the contest results!

The MySurrogateMom Awards is a non-profit project to award the best surrogacy blogs. If you have questions about the contest, please contact us.

 

Double Embryo vs Single Embryo Transfers = Two for the Price of One? From the Family Inceptions Blog

If you are an Intended Parent and want to learn more about surrogacy and all it involves, click here!

For many intended parents, the choice to transfer two embryos, as opposed to one, seems obvious. Not only would it seem that doing this doubles your chances at achieving pregnancy, it also seems that having two children at once would complete your family in a more expedient way that also offers more value for your dollar.

While the ultimate decision will be between your doctor, your surrogate, and yourself, we wanted to talk a moment to bust a few common myths surrounding double embryo transfers.

Likelihood at Achieving Pregnancy
It only makes sense, right?
Two embryos have twice the odds of achieving pregnancy as one does, right?

Turns out, this is a myth.

Read the rest of this piece by clicking here!

Please visit the Family Inceptions website for more information on Surrogacy and Egg Donation for our Intended Parents.

 

How to Tell Your Children You Are Going to Be A Surrogate-From the Family Inceptions Blog

From the Family Inceptions Blog

The idea of introducing your kids to surrogacy can seem like an overwhelming thought. It seems only logical that telling your children that there will be a new baby, one that won’t be coming home to them, would be emotionally challenging for children. This fear can be crippling to surrogates since the love and protection of their own children is often a motivating factor for choosing surrogacy in the first place. The good news is that, by and large, these fears are larger in your head than they will ever be in practice.

Research has shown us that children are resilient. They often mirror our own emotions, so approaching your new choice as one of excitement is crucial. The key to a successful reveal to your children is rooted in age-appropriate information and open, honest communication. So, what do we mean by that?

Tell Them Early

Psychologists tell us that when children feel like they are a part of the decision making process, or at least as though their thoughts and feelings are taken into consideration, they manage well with “big” news. Surrogacy is certainly big news! We encourage you to tell your children about surrogacy early, especially if they’re old enough to understand pregnancy. You don’t want them to feel as though you kept a secret from them. When you tell them about your choice early and frame it as a family choice, you give validity to their questions and concerns.

Encourage Their Questions

Allow your children to ask questions and respond with respect and patience. The answer should never be, “Because we decided that we were doing this.” Focus on the good that comes from this. The good that comes to your family, the intended parent’s family, and the world as a whole. Be kind, patient, and empathetic to their concerns. Know that as the belly grows, so too will the questions. Let your children know that you’ll respond to new questions as they arise and that no questions are off limits.

Build a Relationship

If your intended parents and your spouse are comfortable with the idea, consider an introduction. When your children can put faces to the names of the parents, they become real. Consider framing a photo of the parents and keeping it in plain view during your pregnancy. This gives them a firm foundation in the reality that the baby growing inside your belly has a home as well as parents that already love the child and are eagerly awaiting his or her arrival.

Be Age Appropriate

Don’t expect to share this news with your 15-year-old and your 5-year-old at the same time. Their reactions will be quite different, and so will their questions. You’ll want to share information about the process that is appropriate for the age, and use language that suits your child’s maturity level as well. Younger children don’t need to know about the intricacies of IVF in the same way that a teenager, who understands how babies are made, may need to have explained to them. Additionally, expect older children and teens to meet you with more suspicion and disapproval at first. Give them age-appropriate space, but don’t minimize their reaction to your news.

Make it a Family Affair

Finally, consider making surrogacy a family affair. Family Inceptions Events and Communication Manager Mandy Storer (also a two-time surrogate!) tells us that her family adopted the motto, “We are not a family with a surrogate in it. We are a surrogate family.” Everyone in your family will play a role in this life-affirming journey. Allow your children to be a part of the experience, and encourage them to be excited about how they can help. You may find that they identify with this journey and begin to positively identify themselves as part of this community as well.

If you have additional questions or concerns about telling your children about surrogacy, or about any bumps in the road surrounding your children’s reaction to the news, please reach out to us. We’ve been through this reveal ourselves and understand the unique reactions that children can sometimes have. We’re here to help every member of your family feel empowered about this incredible journey that you’re all on together.

 

To read more great blog posts, please visit Family Inceptions

Surrogacy in Washington State; Are YOU Interested in Changing Lives?

Did you hear that the governor of Washington State has signed a NEW bill into law regarding compensated surrogacy? Starting January 1st 2019 women in Washington, who desire to help someone by carrying a baby for them, can do just that and be compensated for their time and dedication. Being a surrogate isn't an easy job, as you might remember from your own pregnancies, but it is rewarding and guaranteed to be a life changing experience. There are many issues to consider with surrogacy. If you are interested in speaking with me about all that surrogacy involves, I would be more than happy to answer your questions. I was a gestational surrogate twice, giving birth to two sets of twins for two different couples! I enjoy sharing my own experiences plus what I have learned throughout the past 20 years of being a consultant! You can email me at [email protected]. Most requirements for a woman to be qualified to act as a gestational surrogate are based on the expectations of doctors and clinics and the laws that are in place (that vary state to state in some cases). Agency’s also have their own list of what their clients are looking for in a surrogate. If you feel that you have the qualities listed below, I would love to talk with you about what your next steps might involve!  

• Must be a resident of a surrogacy friendly state (WA 2019!!)
• Between the ages of 21 and 40
• Uncomplicated Pregnancy/Birth at least once* (no more than 2 C-sections)
• Healthy (no STD's, HIV, *some medications ok)
• Parenting own child/children
• No criminal history
• Health Insurance with maternity coverage* (If you don't have this, the Intended Parents will provide for you)
• A stable income
• Reliable transportation
• No Medicaid/State Insurance*
• A non-smoker/not exposed to smoke OR non-marijuana (cannabis) user and no vaping
• No history of drug or alcohol problems
• Have a spouse, significant other or another support system who’s supportive of the decision to become a Surrogate Mother
• Have a healthy weight/height ratio* (BMI)
• Loves being pregnant and have the desire to give the miracle of life  

• case by case

I look forward to hearing from you soon!

This call is FREE OF CHARGE for those women considering surrogacy and just want some answers!

Sharon LaMothe 

LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting
http://LaMotheSurrogacyConsulting.com 

Issaquah, WA 98027

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Frequently Asked Questions About Washington State Surrogacy Laws: Guest Post By Christina Park, Esquire

Gestational Carrier or Surrogate Mom? A 15-year love story written by JP Tammen

When Jenn, a 34- year-old cancer survivor, was matched through an agency with Mel, a veteran gestational surrogate, age-32, neither knew exactly what would happen.

“I researched surrogacy for over a year and joined an online support group called Parents Pursuing Surrogacy,” Jenn remembers.  “When my husband and I finally signed contract papers, I felt pretty confident we were going in the right direction.”  But when the agency director mentioned a gestational carrier, Jenn didn’t know what she was talking about.  “Do you mean a surrogate mother?” she asked.  According to Sharon LaMothe, a Seattle-based surrogacy consultant, gestational carrier is the more-recent term for a surrogate mother who is biologically unrelated to the baby she carries for a couple.  “That sounded clinical,” Jenn remembers.  “Not what we were going for, at all.”

On a waiting list for five months, Seattleite Jenn says she felt butterflies when she met Long Beach native, Mel, for the first time at the agency’s-office in Orange County.  Told that surrogates were in short-supply, Mel was the only one ready at the time whose ideas about the surrogacy process matched Jenn and her husband’s.  “I saw her photo and e-mailed with her a few times, but when I met her in person, I didn’t hear a word she said.  I was listening to my instincts on this one, and my heart,” Jenn says.

Mel admits the same.  “Jenn and her husband were my third set of Intended Parents.  I worked for several years with a couple who never had success—and it was heartbreaking.”  Several embryo transfers for the couple failed and the whole experience was very discouraging,” she says.  But Mel didn’t give up.  Matched a 2^nd time with another couple, she was pregnant with and delivered a baby girl for them.  “Having a baby girl for my couple was one of the greatest things I ever did.  I don’t have words for the joy it brought to everybody.”  It was right then that Mel knew she wanted to do another surrogacy—but only with a couple who shared her values.  “I clicked with Jenn and her husband, instantly,” Mel says.  “It was love at first sight.”

Although it was one of the hardest things she’d ever done, Jenn stood by attentively while her microscopic 3-day embryos were transferred to Mel’s womb, for safe-keeping.  “I knew I had to let them go to Mel.  And although I am a very analytical, somewhat-controlling-person, I was able to take a step back.  Mel knew the process and was a consummate professional.  Even more, I could tell her heart was in the right place.”  A giant leap of faith by Jenn, she says the feeling is impossible to describe.  “I placed our babies in a woman I barely knew.  We were asking for a miracle.”

On their second embryo transfer (Jenn’s eggs and her husband’s sperm), the team of Mel & Jenn were pregnant.  Their jointly-chosen OB called Mel’s pregnancy “textbook”, but the whole experience for Jenn, was anything but.  And as much as Mel was financially compensated for what Jenn calls “ultra-early-babysitting”, it turned out Jenn’s hunch about “gestational carriers” was spot-on: “Mel wasn’t a carrier—she was a MOTHER.”

Baby at 12 weeks

Jenn says that not only did Mel eat right, rest, and get great prenatal care, she involved Jenn and her husband in her pregnancy and family from day-one.  “I have an open-door policy so I invited Jenn and her husband in,” Mel says in a matter of fact way.  “She cared for our baby like he was a member of her family,” Jenn explains.  “And Mel’s husband and kids did too.  I was in California for a prenatal visit once and stayed with Mel and her family.  While Mel read a Harry Potter series book out loud to her own children, my baby stopped kicking to listen.”  “He’s quiet now, Jenn,” Mel whispered.  The look in her eye said it all.  Gestational Carrier?  “No, it was LOVE,” Jenn says.

Finally, one warm February day, Jenn’s dream came true when Mel went into labor.  Meaning “gift from God”, they pronounced the baby “Jonathan”.  Holding back tears, Jenn cut the cord from her surrogate to her precious gift.  “You are the luckiest boy in the world,” she told her new baby.  “You’ve got TWO moms.”

Jenn cuts the cord

 

Of course, many surrogacy stories end, right here.  The parents take their baby home.  The surrogate feels fulfilled.  The end.  But although Jenn and Mel didn’t know it at that moment, for them, it was only the beginning.

Jenn remembers that Mel’s husband looked her straight in the eye on the way out of the hospital.  “We’re all going to stay together, now, aren’t we?” he asked.  “Absolutely,” Jenn remembers answering.  According to surrogacy expert, Sharon LaMothe, “Most legal contracts between IPs and surrogates have verbiage preventing the surrogate from contacting the family, after the birth. It must be a mutual feeling, a needed connection between all parties. ”  Jenn and Mel’s contract was no different.  But before they signed it, they talked about their hopes and dreams for a relationship, once the baby was born.

Mel and Jonathan, age-5

 

As Baby Jonathan grew, the families kept in touch.  Jenn and her family (that included daughter Laura) flew almost every year to California from Seattle, to visit Mel and her family.  Mel and her family flew up to Seattle, during school breaks.

Mel and Jonathan, age-8

The gifts and love, from the surrogacy experience, just kept flowing.

Mel, Jonathan, and Jenn

An avid Lacrosse player at age-14, now-teen-Jonathan found a sports camp (through an Internet search) in the Los Angeles area and wanted to go.  “No, it’s too far from Seattle,” Jenn remembers telling him.  But he wouldn’t drop the idea.  “What if Mel and her husband looked after him, while he was there?” Jenn’s husband suggested.  It was at that precise moment, that a light bulb went on.  Just 15 years before, Jenn stood by, and let go of her child to Mel.  And now, as if by some grand design, here they went, AGAIN.  After a bit of soul-searching, Jenn says she realized that she felt very comfortable letting her son fly by himself from Seattle to Lost Angeles.  His mom would pick him up in baggage claim.  It wouldn’t be Jenn, herself.  And it wouldn’t be a gestational carrier.  It would be Mel.  Jenn says it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

Jonathan and Mel, at the airport

“There are surrogacy stories that hit the press—more now than ever before,” says Sharon LaMothe.  “But what happens between the surrogate and family, five, ten, or fifteen years down the road?  These stories are just beginning to be told.  There is no one-way to handle the situation.  But the story of Jenn and Mel shows that it can be a good thing for all involved.”

What lies ahead for the team of Jenn and Mel?  Neither mom is quite certain, but there’s one thing they know for sure: when you have faith, and let-go, no distance is too far and your own biology ceases to matter.  “It’s all about love,” says Mel.”  “Absolutely,” Jenn agrees.

Mel and Jenn

*JP Tammen is a freelance writer in the Seattle area

Related articles

14 Mistakes to Avoid For Women Considering Becoming Surrogate Mothers or Gestational Carriers

Why I'm So Special: A Book About Surrogacy With Two Daddies by Carla Lewis-Long

Carla Lewis-Long’s first book, WHY I’M SO SPECIAL: A BOOK ABOUT SURROGACY rated a 5 star review by surrogacy expert, Sharon LaMothe on Amazon.com. A good accomplishment, but Carla didn’t feel as the full story was told. According to U.S. Census, there's a growing number of same-sex parents in America today: between 1.5 million and 5 million, in 1976, that number was estimated to be 300,000 to 500,000. And a recent report by CNN, stated that children with same-sex parents should be prepared for questions from strangers and classmates. "After writing my first children's book on surrogacy, I realized that the majority of people that use surrogates are same sex couples and I wanted them to also have a book to read to their children about their journey.” So on December 19, Carla releases  the second volume, WHY I’M SO SPECIAL: A BOOK ABOUT SURROGACY WITH TWO DADDIES (AuthorHouse ISBN:9781468500073), and introduces 9 year old, Tyler Simone Newman, who illustrates the book.

Surrogacy for two dad households have been bolstered by the recent news of celebrities such as Neil Patrick Harris having twins Harper Grace and Gideon Scott in October 2010, Ricky Martin having twins Valentino and Matteo in 2008, and Elton John  getting the best Christmas gift of all, Zachary Jackson Levon one year ago.

According to the advocacy group, Resolve, 7.3 million people in the U.S. are affected by infertility. Carla Lewis-Long’s fertility issues led her to Creative Family Connections, which helped find a wonderful surrogate to carry her baby. Her first book, Why I’m So Special: A Book About Surrogacy is a story for all parents who used a surrogate to share with their young children, to let them know just how special they are. The second installment focuses on the two dad household and how that journey may be explained to the children.

Besides being a loving mom to Makana Elliott Long, Carla Lewis-Long is VP, Distribution for nuvoTV. She has spent 17 years in television, working at networks such as AmericanLife TV, Oxygen, and USA Network. CableFax Magazine named her as one of the "Most Influential Minorities In Cable."

For more information, visit http://carlalewislong.com
Follow on http://twitter.com/surrogacystory
Like on http://facebook.com/abookaboutsurrogacy

Carla Lewis-Long's fertility issues led her to Creative Family Connections, which found a surrogate to carry her baby. Her WHY I'M SO SPECIAL children's books are for all parents who used a surrogate, so that they can share with their young children.

 

Bringing Your Baby Home

   
Finally the day has arrived for our Intended Parents to bring their long awaited bundle of joy home!! (IP's, by the way, are no longer 'Intended'...they ARE parents) Whether the baby/babies are brought home directly from the hospital or after a stay in the NIC Unit or even through adoption, it is a major event often dreamed of. Below are a few links that will help prepare the new parents before this big day arrives!

 

• Bringing Your Baby Home 
• A Guide for First-Time Parents 
• Welcoming a New Baby Into Your Family 
• Taking Your Preemie Home
• Baby clothes: The first six weeks - BabyCenter 
• Resources for Moms: - Parenting - Infant readiness - Bringing Baby Home 

 

Although I am a parent and remember the happy times when I brought my own children home from the hospital, I also remember the surrogate babies that I left behind to start their lives with their own loving families. Watching new parents prepare for their babies to come home is so rewarding and I believe it helps everyone, when the time comes, to finally separate and go their own way.

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Alternative Reproduction: What Couples Really Face

Medical advances in alternative forms of reproduction are easily outpacing the
culture, leaving same-sex couples sometimes facing years of frustration.

Same-sex couples starting families are headed to primetime in The New
Normal, a fall sitcom from NBC based on two gay men looking to start a
family with the use of a surrogate. It’s one of the first expansive and
relatable looks into the process. But a local affiliate station in Salt Lake
City, Utah banned the comedy because it worries that this show about families is “inappropriate” to be watched by families.

Even in the show, Bryan and David must contend with the surrogate’s bigoted grandmother. The New Normal might be, as Jonathan Kipp of Oregon Reproductive Medicine, a leading fertility clinic for LBGT couples, “another step in showing Americans that our country’s families are diverse.” But it’s also a hint at what couples who try surrogacy experience when confronted with a culture not yet prepared for a “new normal.”

According to U.S. Census data from 2010, an estimated one-quarter of all same-sex households are raising children. The Census didn’t ask how many used alternative reproduction. But for those couples, the expensive process comes with a host of frustrations and little support during the search for a donor. 

Just how expensive — costs associated with alternative reproduction run steep and can prove to be challenging for couples.

•    Surrogate fees range from $20,000 to $40,000. 
•    Insurance coverage for the surrogacy cycle ranges from $15,000 to $25,000.
•    Program coordination fees for surrogacy range from $15,000 to $22,000. 
•    Egg donor fees range from $5,000 to $10,000. 
•    Program coordination fees for egg donation range from $4,000 to $8,000.
•    Doctor's office fees, labs, medications, and the like range from $13,000 to $20,000 and more.
•    There will also be incidentals such as attorney fees, psychological and genetic consultations, complication insurance policies for donors and travel expenses that could add an additional $1,500 to $5,000 and up.

April Nelson, 38, an attorney, and Margaret Fiore, 49, a corporate trainer, of Mayfield, Md., began discussing whether to have kids several years into their relationship. The couple of seven years opted for IVF and now have twins, a boy and a girl named Addison and Avery, who are now almost 4 years old.

Nelson and Fiore’s journey began in the summer of 2007 when first exploring
how to get pregnant "the old fashioned way," Nelson jokes, referring to simply
using anonymous donor sperm for insemination. The couple encountered their first
hurdle, however, when it was determined by doctors that Fiore's likelihood of
producing a viable egg was minimal because of her age and hormone levels.

Then the couple spent a few months considering options, and with Nelson still
midway through law school and Fiore having always wanted the pregnancy
experience, they decided to try in-vitro fertilization (IVF) using eggs from
Nelson implanted in Fiore.

"The process was exciting and terrifying and exhausting all at the same
time," said Fiore. There were periods when both were on injection hormones and
making multiple visits each week to the fertility clinic. The couple underwent
mandatory counseling sessions to ensure they "knew what they were doing," and
Nelson had to participate in even more assessments required for egg donors. The
clinic was open affirming, but neither its policies nor the law were truly
prepared for how to "categorize" them.

You can read the entire article here. You can learn all about Surrogacy and more at A Family of My Own Conference. I hope to see you there!

 

For National Infertility Awareness Week: Win One of 5 Copies of Surrogacy Helps Make a Family Grow!

Just in time for National Infertility Awareness Week! I have 5 books 'Surrogacy Helps Make a Family Grow' by Sharon LaMothe for surrogate mothers to share with their children or for Intended Parents to give to their surrogate for her children! A $16.00 value. E-mail me your name and address at [email protected] to be entered into a drawing to win one of these five books on Saturday April 28th. Postage is included and the 5 winners will have their book mailed out to them next week! (all names and addresses kept confidential if requested. Initials maybe used when announcing the winners!) http://www.amazon.com/Surrogacy-Helps-Make-Family-Grow/dp/1456486802/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1315508530&sr=8-1

What Every Parent Should Know About BMI (WebMD Medical Reference)

As children grow and their bodies change, it's not always easy for parents to tell if a child falls within a healthy weight range. Body mass index, or BMI for short, is a standard measurement of body fat. Your child's BMI can help you determine if he is at risk for health problems based on his weight. Measuring the waist or neck circumference is another way to measure body fat in kids. Your health care provider may also do this.

The CDC and the American Academy of Pediatrics recommend BMI screenings for all kids age 2 and older. Here's what you need to know about checking on your child's BMI and what to do with the info once you have it.

What is BMI for Kids?

BMI estimates how much body fat you have. Calculating a child's BMI number starts out just like calculating an adult's BMI. It's based on height and weight. But for kids, height and weight alone aren't as accurate as they are for adults. Why? Because kids' body fat percentages change as they grow. Kids' BMIs vary based on their age and gender.

That's why when health care professionals talk about a child's BMI, you won't usually hear a plain BMI number, like 25, but rather a BMI percentile, like 75th. These BMI percentiles show how a child's BMI compares to other children of the same age and gender. To calculate the BMI percentile -- which is also called "BMI for age" -- a health care provider or an online tool like WebMD’s FIT Kids BMI Calculator takes a kid's BMI (along with age and gender) and looks it up on a pediatric growth curve. This gives the child's BMI percentile.

BMI percentiles are grouped into weight categories:

• Underweight: below the 5th percentile
• Healthy Weight: 5th percentile up to the 85th percentile
• Overweight: 85th percentile up to the 95th percentile
• Obese: 95th percentile or higher

So, for example, a 6-year-old boy with a 75th percentile BMI has a higher BMI than 75 out of 100 6-year-old boys. And though you may think that means he is heavy, he is considered a healthy weight.

Talking With Your Pediatrician About BMI for Kids

Many parents assume that if their child had a high BMI, their pediatrician would tell them. But that's not necessarily the case. Sometimes pediatricians may not bring up weight issues with parents. So if you're interested in your child's BMI percentile, it's best to ask directly.

Some school districts have started to measure all children's BMIs in school. The school then sends home a BMI report card to alert parents to any weight issues. Although some parents don't like the idea of schools sending report cards with their child's BMI, experts say that the point is not to embarrass anyone. It's to let parents know about a health problem with serious consequences. 

Studies from the U.K. show that children's BMI report cards can work. One study found that after getting a BMI report, about 50% of the parents with overweight children made some healthy changes to their lifestyle.

How Accurate is BMI for Kids?

Experts generally consider BMI for kids to be a good measure of body fat, at least among heavier children. But there are some cases in which BMI might be misleading. Athletic kids, in particular, may fall into the overweight category when they are actually muscular.

Your child's BMI is important, but it is only a piece of the picture. If a BMI percentile indicates that your child is not within the healthy range, she needs a complete weight and lifestyle evaluation with a pediatrician.

The pediatrician will likely follow up with an exam to see how far along your child is in her development and perhaps tests for weight-related health conditions, and by asking questions about her diet and exercise, whether weight is an issue for her, and your family history. This information will allow the health care provider to determine the best way to respond to an underweight, overweight, or obese BMI percentile.

Tips for a BMI Percentile in Healthy Range

Experts recommend that kids of all ages and all weight categories follow these healthy guidelines to help keep weight in check. It's easy to remember them as 5-2-1-0 every day.

• 5: Everyone in your family needs five servings of vegetables and fruits. Keep serving them even if kids don't eat them. Familiarity increases the likelihood that they'll eventually try a food. Give a fruit or vegetable with every snack or meal.
• 2: Limit TV-watching to no more than two hours a day. Family members who use other "screens" -- video games or computers, for instance -- get less TV time.  Experts also recommend not having TVs in bedrooms.
• 1: Get one hour of physical activity. Add up the minutes each family member is moving -- it should be 60 minutes or more. Start small and keep adding if necessary. The goal is to have all those minutes be at least moderate activity, sweating after about 10 minutes.
• 0: That's how many sugar-sweetened beverages you should have a day. Juice drinks such as lemonade and fruit punch, sodas, tea, and coffee can all have added sugar. Stick to water and reduced-fat milk instead.

Here are some other expert-recommended eating guidelines.

• Start each day with breakfast.
• Avoid eating fast food, and the temptations from eating out in general.
• Eat together as a family -- regularly.
• Check portion sizes, and serve your family accordingly.

August is National Breastfeeding Month

August is National Breastfeeding Month, which is fitting because breastfeeding is once again spiking in popularity among new moms as the preferred method of feeding their newborn babies.  Breastfeeding is a personal choice that all mothers make and this trend is very healthy because breastfeeding provides so many benefits to both the mother and her baby.  Chicago Healers Practitioner Dr. Marilyn Mitchell, MD, provides some of the benefits of breastfeeding.

• Nutrients and Enzymes- Babies who are breastfed take in nutrients and enzymes that are perfectly proportioned for a human infant.  Bottled milk often comes from cows or soy and lacks the perfect blend of nutrients and enzymes that human milk provides.
• Supplemented Immune System- Breast milk also transmits antibodies from the mother to the infant, which are especially vital during the first few months of life when the infant’s immune system is immature and lacks the ability to produce its own antibodies.
• Healthier Life- Infants who breastfeed generally have fewer illnesses during the breastfeeding period than those who are bottle-fed and develop fewer allergies in their lifetime.  Breastfed babies also tend to have less colic, fewer restless episodes, and better sleep patterns than bottle-fed infants.
• Helps Mom, Too- Breastfeeding increases metabolism, which helps with post-partum weight loss.  It also helps with mother-child bonding due to the mutually pleasurable experience.

It is also smart for new moms to be aware of what they consume while breastfeeding, as it can affect their child.  Here is a list of things to up intake of and things to avoid:

Do eat:

• Fresh fruits and vegetables (organic when possible)
• Protein sources (also organic when possible)
• 8-12 glasses of water, juice, herbal teas
• Calcium rich foods (dairy, greens, legumes)

         Avoid:

• Alcohol
• Caffeinated beverages and all soda pop
• Foods that bother the infant (spices for some)
• Preservatives

I Will Be A Wonderful Mother - Author Unknown

I found this out there in cyber space and it touched my heart...I hope it will touch yours....

I Will Be A Wonderful Mother - Author Unknown

There are women who become mothers without effort,
without thought,
without patience or loss,
and though they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited.

I have cried and prayed.

I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.

I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover.

I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.

My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.

I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.

I have succeeded.

I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.

I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.
-Author Unknown

Brookie Cookie Bookie: A Children's Book About Friendship, Acceptance and Celebrating our Differences by Robin B. Rosenberg: A LaMothe Book Review

Brookie Cookie Bookie: A children's book about friendship, acceptance and celebrating our differences by Robin B. Rosenberg is sure to bring smiles to the faces of small children as they are read to and relate to the pictures drawn by kids their own age. Its large, colorful and the message is timeless. What I particularly enjoyed were the little rhymes on each page telling of another friend of Brook's, the differences they have and what each child has in common. "Siobhan has a BIG family and mine's very small but we both love family time and know it's the most important time of all!" Brookie Cookie Bookie is a great gift for ages 1-6. Read and enjoy!

Baby Bargains: Secrets to Saving 20% to 50% on Baby Furniture, Equipment, Clothes, Toys, Maternity Wear and Much, Much More! BY Denise Fields: A LaMothe Book Review

Baby Bargains: Secrets to Saving 20% to 50% on Baby Furniture, Equipment, Clothes, Toys, Maternity Wear and Much, Much More! compliments the Expecting, Baby, and Toddler 411 books. It is a great resource to have while you are preparing for your baby to arrive and an even greater read after you have brought baby home. If you are setting up your registry for an upcoming baby shower this book will be an exceptional help! You could even ask for it as a shower gift! A word of caution, some items maybe a bit expensive so you will have to shop within your budget. Some things are not 'needed' at all but are 'wants'. You have to decide what your 'must haves' are and not go over board! Baby Bargains also gives new parents tips on items for toddlers, child care options, breastfeeding support and a chapter on maternity and nursing clothing.

 

I recommend Baby Bargains: Secrets to Saving 20% to 50% on Baby Furniture, Equipment, Clothes, Toys, Maternity Wear and Much, Much More! by Denise Fields and Ari Brown for anyone who needs guidance while shopping for baby!

Win a Set of Expecting, Baby and Toddler 411 Books by Michele Hakakha, MD and Ari Brown, MD in Time for the Holidays From LaMothe Book Reviews

 
   
Expecting 411, Baby 411 and Toddler 411 by Michele Hakakha, MD and Ari Brown, MD are wonderful books for the first time parent and for those with lots of experience! Not only are these books written by doctors they had an advisory board to help them and trust me, no detail is left out! These books are very well organized with sections and chapters and a clear question and answer format along with icons to indicate Helpful Hints, Red Flags, Old Wives Tales and Disturbing Material Ahead to name a few. The Baby 411 and Toddler 411 books have Insider Secrets and Feedback from the Real World. I highly recommend this entire set!

Do you want to WIN your own BRAND NEW set of these great 411 books? Here's how you do it! Visit Infertility Answers, look over the website and recommend it to someone you know(the recommendation button is at the bottom of each page) and then sign into the Guest Book! Leave a comment about the site and your name and e-mail address along with the date and you will be put in a drawing to have this entire set delivered to you by December 17th! This Contest starts today and will end on December 7th 2010. You will be contacted by e-mail on December 11th! Expecting 411 is signed by both authors! 

Thank you and GOOD LUCK!

TODAY The Surrogacy Lawyer Radio will interview Sharon LaMothe, author of “Surrogacy Helps a Family Grow,” and Tracy Armato, Conceptual Options Program Director

 

The Surrogacy Lawyer Radio Program Presents “Talking about Surrogacy to the Children of Surrogates”

On October 21, The Surrogacy Lawyer Radio will interview Sharon LaMothe, author of “Surrogacy Helps a Family Grow,” and Tracy Armato, Conceptual Options Program Director

When a woman decides to become a surrogate mother, she will have many conversations: with members of the surrogacy agency team, the intended parents, the medical and legal professionals involved in her care and with her spouse or partner and other adult relatives and friends, to name a few. But one of the most important conversations she will have is with her children, so she can explain the surrogacy process to them.

On the Thursday, October 21 episode of The Surrogacy Lawyer: Your Guide to IVF and Third Party Reproduction, Theresa Erickson, Esq., will be discussing how surrogate mothers should talk to their children about their pregnancies for another family. Ms. Erickson will interview Sharon LaMothe, a former gestational surrogate and author of the upcoming book Surrogacy Helps a Family Grow, and Tracy Armato, program director of Conceptual Options, The Surrogacy and Egg Donation Center and past surrogate. This episode will air on at 11AM PST/2PM EST on Voice America.

Sharon LaMothe is currently the owner of Infertility Answers, Inc., and the creator of two blogs about third party reproduction.  She also owns LaMothe Services, LLC, an assisted reproductive technology business solutions service. Tracy Armato is responsible for overseeing the daily operations of Conceptual Options. Having been a gestational surrogate, Tracy has viewed third party reproduction from both angles and is a key support figure for surrogates.

 “As a surrogacy lawyer and owner of a surrogacy and egg donation agency, I am excited about this new tool to help surrogate mothers talk to their children about the amazing gift they are giving another set of parents,“ says attorney Erickson. “Having open and honest conversations about third party reproduction is essential, whether you are a surrogate or egg, sperm or embryo donor. I look forward to advancing the conversation about this important topic.”

 About Theresa Erickson, Esq.

Ms. Erickson is the managing partner of Erickson Law and the founder and chair of Conceptual Options, The Surrogacy and Egg Donation Center. In addition, Ms. Erickson is the author of the newly released Surrogacy and Embryo, Sperm, & Egg Donation: What Were You Thinking? Erickson was motivated to write her second book so she could educate potential intended parents, as well as the women who become surrogates and egg donors, about what all parties need to know if they are going to become involved in third party reproduction.

Attorney Erickson is a globally recognized expert in this specialized area of law and is a board member of the American Fertility Association and the legal director of Parents Via Egg Donation. For more information, please visit www.ericksonlaw.net and www.conceptualoptions.com.

Growing Up Black in White by Kevin D. Hofmann: A LaMothe Book Review

I found Growing Up Black in White to be a fascinating portrayal of biracial adoption starting in the 1960's and beyond. This is one son's life story from the time he was born to a white mother and black father to a few months later becoming a part of a white family already populated with two boys and a girl. Kevin D. Hofmann is open about his past experiences and, with great candour, allows his readers to peek into his life as he navigates between the world of white and black. Being dark skinned, he may have 'fit' in better with some situations but he acknowledges that his white family also had to struggle with being 'the minority' for several years while they moved from Detroit neighbourhoods to new schools in search of work and opportunities that would benefit the entire family.

Although sometimes humorous I found Growing Up Black in White more thought provoking and eye opening then anything else. Although Kevin's life story is squeezed into 168 pages, those who are considering biracial adoption or already have adopted would find his experiences worth pondering over and may even give invaluable insight regarding the raising of a child from another race.

I would like to point out that Kevin is now in his 40's and I would hope that some of the things that he and his family encountered in the 60's would now be less evident in our current society. Still, the story touches the reader and brings understanding to the nature of biracial adoption.

Social Security Numbers For Children

 
I will be breif here because the link below says it all....

http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/10023.html

When you have a baby, one of the things that should be on your “to do” list is getting a Social Security number for your baby. The easiest time to do this is when you give information for your child’s birth certificate. If you wait to apply for a number at a Social Security office, there may be delays while we verify your child’s birth certificate.

So if you are about to have a baby, through Surrogacy, IVF, or without any help at all go to the hospital prepared with the information to start the Social Security wheels in motion!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Twins X3 by Fran Pitre: A LaMothe Book Review

Now here is a book I could not put down! Twins X3 by Fran Pitre is a story not to be missed. Fran is very candid when retelling the tale of her life thus far. Did she use Assisted Reproductive Technologies? Yes she did, as far as the Catholic Church would allow, using a slew of medications and finally GIFT (gamete intrafallopian transfer.) She talks about the difficulty of becoming pregnant, having premature babies, her relationships with her in-laws and other family members, her bouts of anxiety and depression.  While it's like reading a personal journal, Fran explains, in detail, just what each medical procedure is, why she and her husband decide to try it or why they didn't (think IVF), and how it is to live with three sets of twins. At the end of the book she even has parenting tips. Throughout each chapter are photos of her family and although they are not the best quality you can certainly relate better to these very real life characters. This book is obviously written from the heart not only to chronicle her own life story but, it seemed to me, a huge book (545 pages) of Thanks! Fran thanks everyone from the medical staff, hospital nurses, friends, relatives and teachers often throughout her story. Let's face it, when you are pregnant with one set of twins and have two sets at home, you need a lot of help!

 

Anyone struggling with infertility, a parent with children or a Catholic that has questions regarding fertility treatments would surely find something to relate to in Twins X3 by Fran Pitre.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A note from Fran herself!

 

Dear Sharon,

I wanted to email you a personal reply to thank you for such a wonderful review of my book. Your review truly brought me to tears. My hope is that with your advice through this review, your readers will be inspired to read my book and know that they are not alone in their journey through infertility, and will learn that childless couples really can become parents and see their dreams become reality.

As a side note, I gathered by your statement of the "not-the-best-quality photos" that you unfortunately must have received one of the copies from a printing run where the printing calibration was off. I had noticed this on a few copies, notified Xlibris (my publisher/printer), and was guaranteed that from that run on, each book had crisp, clear photos. Since then, I received a shipment where the photos were perfect ... and that's coming from myself as a graphic designer.

I just want to tell you that in regards to your review so that your readers don't expect anything less than the best product should they decide to purchase a book.

Again, thank you so much for your warm, supportive, very positive review of my book!

Blessings,
Fran Pitre
author: TWINS x 3

Daddy and Pop: By Guess Who? Multimedia and Pacific Fertility Center Los Angeles: A LaMothe Book Review

 
"You have to have a Mom! How can you be born if you didn't have a Mom?" This a question that every child will need to answer at some point in their life if they have a Daddy and a Pop that make up their own loving family. With the Love Makes a Family Book Series, Daddy and Pop help their little girl, Jessie, answer those questions in a very matter of fact way.  She learns that her Daddy and Pop wanted her so much that they chose an Egg Donor and a Gestational Surrogate to bring her into the world and into their arms.

 

Because of my own experience carrying twins for a gay couple (using donor eggs), I can relate to the telling of this story. Books like Daddy and Pop are perfect for younger children and will help them understand how they arrived in the world and prepare them for the inevitable questions that they will face from their peers. I personally hope that books with positive massages like these would be read when they are as young as 2 or 3 so that they will not be taken by surprise like little Jessie was, a first grader, in this story.

 

Daddy and Pop is part of Guess Who? Multimedia's musical book series, celebrating families made possible by egg and sperm donation, surrogacy, and adoption.

 

Sharon LaMothe
Infertility Answers, Inc.
http://infertilityanswers.org/
LaMothe Services, LLC
http://lamotheservices.com/

Does Location Affect Kids' Weight?

I read this study from Purdue University and found it interesting enough to post here...not necessarily because it involved children and the fact that we have an obesity issue in this country but because it poses another question; Does Location Affect Adult Weight? Now that's a study I would like to read about. I have to say that in the last 4 places I have resided in were located near a fast food and/or ice cream shop. Compared to the places we lived before, where no such temptations were close enough to walk, we now eat more ice cream out then ever before...It makes one think......I would like to add that we also live near several nice parks and a pound that is paved so it's easy to walk or bike around...and we do take advantage of those amenities as well...(we need to "walk off" the ice cream!) Do you find the same thing happening to you and your family?

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

 

Does Location Affect Kids' Weight?

Living near a fast-food outlet doesn't make children fat, nor does living near a supermarket stocked with fresh fruits and vegetables make them thin, new research shows.

The study by Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis researchers examined a decade of data on more than 60,000 children aged 3 to 18. They compared the children's weights before and after fast-food outlets or supermarkets opened near their homes. The study found that living near a fast-food outlet had little effect on weight gain and living near a supermarket wasn't associated with lower weight.

The researchers also found that living near certain recreational facilities -- such as fitness areas, kickball diamonds and volleyball courts -- was associated with lower body-mass index (BMI). For example, an 8-year-old boy who lived near one of these facilities could reduce his weight by three to six pounds, the researchers calculated. But living near track and field facilities was linked to weight gain, they discovered.

The findings were published by the National Bureau of Economic Research.

"This study contradicts anecdotal information and provides scientifically verified insights into a wide range of variables that we hope will help physicians and public policy makers fight childhood obesity more effectively," study first author Robert Sandy, a professor of economics and assistant executive vice president of Indiana University, said in a school news release.

He noted that previous studies looked at a single moment in time, not a decade of data.

"Previous studies did not benefit from the wide range of information we acquired such as details of both sick- and well-doctor visits, changes in a child's address, annual food-service establishment inspection data, aerial photographs of neighborhoods and crime statistics over time. And other studies have not taken into account, as we did, families' self-selecting their locations -- for example, families who value exercise may be more likely to live near a park," Sandy said.

-- Robert Preidt

SOURCE: Indiana University-Purdue University Indianpolis, news release, June 16, 2009

Study finds link between older fathers and lower IQ scores in children

It seems now the age of the fathers (or the age of the sperm, depending on how you look at this) is under scrutiny. I have seen several research articles on the effects of male age factor on children. Below is one of many...your thoughts? Sharon http://infertilityanswers.org/ Study finds link between older fathers and lower IQ scores in children

Katy Sinclair Progress Educational Trust 16 March 2009   A study by researchers at the University of Queensland, Australia, appearing in the journal PLoS Medicine, has found that children of older fathers perform less well in a range of cognitive tests than children born to younger fathers. The research, led by John McGrath, studied data from intelligence tests taken by 33,437 children born between 1959 and 1965 in the US. The tests focused on memory, learning and concentration skills in the children at the ages of eight months, four years and seven years. McGrath stated, 'the offspring of older fathers show subtle impairments on tests of neurocognitive ability during infancy and childhood'. It was previously thought that the mother's age had more effect on a child's abilities and intelligence, but the data found that children born to older mothers did well on the tests. The researchers have concluded that as men age the cells that produce sperm are subject to genetic mutations, whereas the mother's eggs are formed while still in the womb, and are therefore protected from mutation until they are used. Other recent studies have shown a link between fathers over the age of 35 and health problems in children, such as birth deformities, cancer, and conditions such as autism and schizophrenia. James Watson, the co-discoverer of the structure of DNA, has publicly speculated whether his age when he became a father to his son Rufus had a causal impact on Rufus' diagnosis of schizophrenia. Watson has commented that 'I worry that I was 42 with Rufus. I read that the frequency of schizophrenia goes up with the age of both parents'. In the developed world the age at which both men and women are having children is increasing; in 1993, 23 per cent of births in England and Wales were to men aged 35 to 54 years old, but this had increased to 40 per cent by 2003. While genetic factors are considered important, the research team also took socioeconomic factors into account, with the potential for older fathers to provide better access to education and healthcare.  Dr Allen Pacey, a fertility expert at the University of Sheffield, took a sobering view, stating that 'the author's observation that most neurocognitive outcomes is also reduced in the children of older fathers provides a further piece of evidence to remind us that nature intended us to have our children earlier in our lives than we currently are'.

How to Talk About Your Family-Presented by Dr. Kim Bergman of Growing Generations

When I read this Special Feature I knew that I needed to pass it along and the response back was tremendous. Really, this article drives home that its the simplicity in the telling of the facts that will make the answers easier to understand.

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net

 

In this Special Feature, Dr. Bergman discusses the mechanics of being a happy, healthy, gay family.

I have to confess upfront that this is one of my favorite subjects. I study it. I counsel parents about it. Most importantly, I live it, together with my partner and our two amazing girls. What follows represents a summary of my opinion however, I urge you to contact me directly for more information.

What you have to know at the outset is that your baby is going to be born to you not knowing anything about the world. Your baby won’t arrive with any opinions about how things are supposed to be. They arrive ready to be guided by you as to what’s right and what wrong. They don’t show up questioning what’s missing.

Gay parenting, and surrogacy is not about something missing. It’s not about something’s wrong. It’s not about saying, “We couldn’t do something this way so we had to do it this other way.” It’s not about loss as perhaps adoption can be. There’s no loss. No one has given anything up. It’s about creation.

As far as your child knows, you and your family are complete. Everything that your baby gets about your family, is going to come from you. Eventually the world around you seeps in, but mostly, it’s up to you to help them make sense of their lives.

For this reason, I believe it is profoundly important that you get comfortable with who you are when you have kids. Your level of comfort or unease translates to your child. You set the level.

The story that you tell your children is going to be their truth – nothing else. You can invent that story anyway you want.

Here’s my favorite story:

Daddy and Papa fell in love and got married and lived together and loved each other. We had so much love that we really wanted to have children to share it with.

To have children you need three things:

A Uterus
An Egg
A Sperm

Daddy and Papa had the sperm, but we needed an egg and a uterus. So, a very nice woman gave us her egg and the doctor mixed it with our sperm. Then the doctor put that inside the uterus of another nice woman who very kindly allowed you to grow there for nine months.

When you were born, you came out of her uterus and into our arms. We took you home and you were our baby.

Simple, clear and truthful works best.

People always ask, me

“When should I start telling that kind of story?”

I say: the day your child is born.

You start telling the story even before the child can understand it and there is never a question about what happened. You tell the story in developmentally appropriate terms – so maybe you are not going to say sperm and egg and uterus to a two year-old or four year- old. The thing to remember is to tell the truth that’s developmentally appropriate.

“Who can I consult about what’s appropriate?”

Me. This is my area of expertise. This is my passion.

Surrogacy is a story of people who want to be parents. It’s the story of someone who needed help assembling all the ingredients. It’s a story of collaboration, love and intention. It’s a beautiful story.

Questions

Will your child say: “How come I don’t have a mommy?”

Probably.

When you are a parent, you realize that children always say stuff like that. “How come I don’t have a mommy?” flows right along with, “How come I don’t wear glasses?” “How come our house is smaller than their house?” “How come I don’t have a dog?” “Why can’t I have a horse?”

When our kids ask such a question, too often, we make that mean, “Omigod! They’ve figured it out that something’s wrong with our family!” That doesn’t have to be the case. We don’t panic when our children ask us, “How come I don’t have a dog? Why can’t I have a horse?”

If we are not intentional with our response and comfortable with who we are, that’s when we have a tendency to inflate the importance of these questions. We end up adding negative meanings because we are scared we’re doing something wrong, but we’re not.

When your kid says, “Why can’t I have a horse?”

You can easily say, “I hear that.” “I know you’d like to have a horse. I’d love to have a horse, but we don’t have a horse.” “We can’t have a horse.”

I know from experience that when your child asks, “How come I don’t have a mommy?” you can easily and truthfully answer, “Because you have two daddies.” It really can be that simple.

Creation

What do you need to be a healthy gay family?

Openness
Honesty
Humor

There’s no need to get defensive or scared. Your family is whole and vibrant. You are not coming from a place of scarcity.

You will probably need one other thing. The willingness to take a stand for your family everywhere you are.

Let’s say, you’re in line at the grocery store with 52 little old ladies or men in business suits or teenage hoodlums even, and the checkout lady says to your child “Oh you have such cute blond hair! Your mommy must have blond hair.”

What does taking a stand mean? It means, you, saying in front of that whole entire line of people, “He doesn’t have a mommy. He has two daddies.” That’s what it takes, everyday, everywhere you go.

My partner and I take this approach. What we end up with is my kids correcting people all the time. You say in public to one of my kids, “Oh, you have such pretty, green eyes. Your daddy must have green eyes.” They will say, “I don’t have a dad, I have a sperm donor.” They are as matter of fact as can be. My kids have been saying that since they were three years old.

I don’t mean you have to be on a soapbox. I just believe that you must tell the truth and not allow lies.

When you’re in line by yourself, you can say whatever you want. By yourself you can choose to be “in” or “out.” You don’t have that choice in the presence of your child. If you fail to take a stand, if you don’t say, “She has two daddies,” what your child hears is, “We are pretending that I do have a mommy because I should have one. We are pretending because there’s something wrong.”

So, don’t pretend like you didn’t hear it. Make the correction. Being a gay family doesn’t mean you are “political,” that may not be your intention. In truth, however, it turns out to be political sometimes.

Terrible Teens

Everyone always loves to ask:

“Aren’t you worried that when your kids get a little older they’re going to have really big problems with gender identity and sexuality?”

No. I’m not worried about it at all.

The research that’s been done (which isn’t very much) consistently shows that the children of gay and lesbian parents are just as well-adjusted as everyone else and more flexible. Gender identity seems to be internal. You have heard the classic example, right? Most gays and lesbians were born and raised by straight parents.

But still, won’t your teenager be ashamed to have gay parents?

Yes.

Don’t panic though. Teenagers are ashamed about everything having to do with their parents. Adolescence is about individuating, differentiating and independence. The way that children work through this stage is by pushing against the thing they’ve been so close and connected to. That’s you, their parent.

It really doesn’t matter. Being a gay parent is just as much a pretext as anything else that’s going to embarrass them.

Whatever it is - You’re too strict. You’re too liberal. You dress badly. I even have kids in my practice who are embarrassed because their parents work out and are in great shape.

They will find something. The upside is that being the gay parent of teenager is not going to be worse. The downside is that it’s probably not going to be better.

How do you cope?

You develop a foundation of trust and respect. You instill these values in your child from the day you get them in the hospital. You repeat that they are the most wanted child in the world. You tell them the story of all the planning, the collaboration, the intention and the love that went into their creation. Your child will realize, there may be something different about your family, but there’s nothing inferior or wrong.

They’ll come out the other side of adolescence and love you again. Keep your checkbook handy.

 

Infertility Answers Online; A new support forum just for you!

I hope that you had a wonderful holiday! And now it's time to start all over again in 2009....or continue what was started in 2008! Over the weekend I decided to add a simple message board on Infertility Answers called Infertility Answers Online (IAO). It has two simplistic categories; Surrogacy and Egg Donation. If you are an Intended Parent, Surrogate, or Egg Donor, please check this out! If you need support, have a question or concern then I am hoping that this forum will be an asset as you use Third Party Family Formation to build a family.  http://infertilityanswers.net/infertility_answers_online Your feedback is always welcome!

 

Happy New Year!

 

Sharon LaMothe

Infertility Answers, Inc.~Information about Reproductive Technology
http://infertilityanswers.org/

LaMothe Services, LLC~Services for your ART Business
http://lamotheservices.com/

Surrogacy 101~Learn more about Third Party Family Building
http://infertilityanswers.typepad.com/surrogacy_101/ http://surrogacy101.blogspot.com/

Happy Sunday: The MOM Song

The Mom Song

This is so funny and TRUE...It sure does remind me of MY mother at times! Enjoy and happy Sunday! I am off to Florida!

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net  

I Will Be A Wonderful Mother - Author Unknown

I found this out there in cyber space and it touched my heart...I hope it will touch yours....

I Will Be A Wonderful Mother - Author Unknown

There are women who become mothers without effort,
without thought,
without patience or loss,
and though they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited.

I have cried and prayed.

I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.

I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover.

I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.

My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.

I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.

I have succeeded.

I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.

I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.
-Author Unknown

 

Sharon

InfertilityAnswers.net

How to Clear Confusion From Food Allergy Warnings

We, as parents of children with food allergies, are always concerned that what we give our kids to eat, or what others give, may have a negative affect on their delicate systems. I found this article and thought I would share it with you. As a woman with a peanut allergy, (among other things) I am always concerned with what the package says or what the menu reads...... Sharon www.InfertilityAnswers.org How to Clear Confusion From Food Allergy Warnings

August 26, 2008 WASHINGTON (AP) -- It's one of the biggest frustrations of life with food allergies: That hodgepodge of warnings that a food might accidentally contain the wrong ingredient. The warnings are voluntary -- meaning there's no way to know if foods that don't bear them really should. And they're vague: Is "may contain traces of peanuts" more reliable than "made in the same factory as peanuts?" Now health officials in the U.S. and Canada are debating setting standards, amid increasing concern that consumers are so confused they're starting to ignore the warnings. "Really, the safest thing you can do is make all your food at home from scratch, period," says Margaret Sova McCabe of Sanbornton, N.H., whose son Tommie, almost 8, is allergic to peanuts, dairy, wheat and five other ingredients. But she doesn't find that practical -- and repeatedly has spotted longtime favorite "safe" foods suddenly bearing new warnings that accidental contamination is possible after all. "Sometimes we buy the product anyway, and sometimes we don't," says McCabe, who is a law professor and questions how often the warnings signal liability protection rather than true risk. "What does this really mean? Can I count on it, as a consumer, to really have any meaning?" she asks. The Food and Drug Administration will ask those same questions at a public hearing on Sept. 16, a first step toward developing what it calls "a long-term strategy" to clear the confusion. "Advisory labeling may not be protecting the health of allergic consumers," the FDA acknowledged. Canadian authorities have gone a step further, saying accidental-allergy warnings are "misleading consumers" and advising food makers to begin clarifying them even as Health Canada researches a formal policy. The food industry recognizes there's confusion. The Grocery Manufacturers of America has been working to set new guidelines on the warnings for more than a year, but declined comment before next month's meeting. About 12 million Americans have food allergies. Severe ones trigger 30,000 annual emergency-room visits, and 150 to 200 deaths a year. Starting in 2006, a U.S. law required that foods disclose in plain language when they intentionally contain highly allergenic ingredients such as peanuts or dairy. Left out of the law are accidental-allergy warnings -- for foods that might become contaminated because they were made in the same factory, or on the same machines, as allergen-containing products. The FDA has said that a quarter of inspected food factories have the potential for such a mix-up. More and more foods bear precautionary labels, but there's a disconnect. The Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Network, an influential consumer group, counts at least 30 different ways that the warnings are worded -- and consumers too often falsely assume that one food is riskier than another because its label sounds scarier. Three-quarters of parents of food-allergic children surveyed by the group in 2006 said they would never buy a food with an accidental-allergy warning, down from 85 percent in 2003, when such labels were novel. The FDA's own surveys found the allergic pay more attention to warnings that a food "may contain" an allergen than those "made in the same factory" labels. Yet when University of Nebraska researchers tested nearly 200 products with various accidental-peanut warnings, they found that peanuts were more likely to have sneaked into products labeled "made in the same facility." And Health Canada researchers recently discovered that some chocolate labeled as possibly containing "traces" of peanuts or tree nuts in fact contained up to six times the amount that the government considers a trace level. Contributing to consumer mistrust are puzzling warnings, like canned or frozen vegetables with nut precautions. Just last week, allergy network founder Anne Munoz-Furlong was stunned to receive a basket of fresh fruit with a warning that it might contain nuts or milk. "Right now everybody's making up their own rules," Munoz-Furlong says -- and she's pushing FDA for clear standards to help consumers understand which foods to avoid. In Canada, the government's review is just beginning, but meanwhile it recommends foods bear one of two labels: "May contain X allergen" or "Not suitable for consumption by persons with an allergy to X." Back in New Hampshire, the McCabes show how tricky label reading is. Tommie has loved a particular nondairy soy yogurt since infancy. When it began bearing an accidental-allergy precaution, his mother toured the factory and was relieved by how the equipment was cleaned. But last week, she noticed the label had changed again, to say the yogurt might also contain live cultures based on milk. It "maybe illustrates how difficult it can be when you have food allergies to stay on top of that information," McCabe said.

Prenatal Vitamins/ Folic Acid

Q: Why do I need to take prenatal vitamins or even folic acid before I even get pregnant? I thought that taking prenatal vitamins was for when YOU ARE pregnant!

A: For those who aren't used to taking any vitamins at all and are reluctant to start any time soon should really rethink the reasoning behind prenatal's especially folic acid. Below are some facts about the importance of folic acid from http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/pregnancy_newborn/pregnancy/folic_acid.html:

Folic acid, sometimes called folate, is a B vitamin (B9) found mostly in leafy green vegetables like kale and spinach, orange juice, and enriched grains. Repeated studies have shown that women who get 400 micrograms (0.4 milligrams) daily prior to conception and during early pregnancy reduce the risk that their baby will be born with a serious neural tube defect (a birth defect involving incomplete development of the brain and spinal cord) by up to 70%.

The most common neural tube defects are spina bifida (an incomplete closure of the spinal cord and spinal column), anencephaly (severe underdevelopment of the brain), and encephalocele (when brain tissue protrudes out to the skin from an abnormal opening in the skull). All of these defects occur during the first 28 days of pregnancy - usually before a woman even knows she's pregnant.

That's why it's so important for all women of childbearing age to get enough folic acid - not just those who are planning to become pregnant. Only 50% of pregnancies are planned, so any woman who could become pregnant should make sure she's getting enough folic acid. (and women planning on becoming egg donors and surrogates)

Doctors and scientists still aren't completely sure why folic acid has such a profound effect on the prevention of neural tube defects, but they do know that this vitamin is crucial in the development of DNA. As a result, folic acid plays a large role in cell growth and development, as well as tissue formation.

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net

FAMILY STRUCTURE

Lets have pride in our families...one and all! Happy Sunday! Sharon

Myth: The only acceptable home for a child contains a mother and father who are married to each other.

Fact: Our children are raised in families large and small. There are one-parent, two-parent, and grandparent headed families. There are stepfamilies, blended families, foster families, families of birth and families of intention. There are families with one child, families with ten children, families with no relatives and families bursting with extended family activity. Families are interracial, multiracial, intergenerational, gay and straight. The reality of today is that the traditional definition of the married, heterosexual couple with 1.5 children is only one of the many, many families that our children grow and thrive in. To say that it is the only acceptable home for our children insults all children's homes that do not look like this. We believe that the "acceptable" home for a child is one in which love, commitment, and support are freely given among its members...

Source: Golombok et al. 1983, Green, R., 1978, 1986.
Excerpted from the Family Pride Coalition.
Reprinted with permission.

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Las Vegas: A Family Vacation? YES!

    Because it's Sunday again I feel like I can share a bit about my recent trip to Las Vegas and the Hoover Dam with my husband of 23 years, Joe, and our 12 year old daughter, Erika. Bring a 12 year old to Vegas you ask?! YES! There is so much for families to do in Las Vegas that even Erika stated, on day 2, that there was more to see then Disney World and I have to agree.

    In a nutshell our 3 nights and 4 days went like this: We arrived Tuesday around noon and we bought round trip shuttle service at the airport to the Luxor Las Vegas - Luxor ...that way we didn't have to worry about the ride back on Friday. We made it to the Luxor and our spa suite was ready...on the 19th floor we had a great room with a whirlpool tub and a smaller room off the bed room that Erika promptly claimed. It had a fridge, TV, Sofa and a couple of tables. The entire room (and hotel) is Egypt themed  which was right up Erika's alley. From there we walked to a couple of hotels and finally ate at one of Wolfgang Puck's places for lunch..in the MGM I think...then we went down to this 1/2 price tickets tonight place and bought some 4 PM magic show tickets for the Tropicana. Xtreme Magic Dirk Arthur Las Vegas The show was good...and we had great seats...it featured tigers and other big and rare cats so we all really liked that...we went back to the hotel where Joe and Erika spent some time at the pool...I rested (well it IS my vacation too!)..and then bought some dinner for in the room at the food court. (Quiznos) Erika stayed in the room and watched TV while Joe and I played some slots...No I didn't win...but Joe entered into a couple of poker tournaments throughout our trip and came in 2nd in one and 1st in another so he was happy!

    Day 2 Wednesday morning I sent Joe and Erika down the strip to Denny's for breakfast while I waited in line to get tickets for Mamma Mia, Hoover Dam and the Titanic artifacts exhibit at the Tropicana. Its a long wait at times but you can get great deals at this 1/2 price tickets place. The doors open at 11 am but the line has already started to form outside. All the left over tickets go on sale for that same day. For example the Mamma Mia tickets were just $55 each when we would have had to pay $110 each...and we had great seats! Anyway...after I bought all the tickets I met up with J and E and we walked through some of the larger hotels together including the Bellagio where they have this beautiful conservatory Bellagio Conservatory and Botanical Garden - Las Vegas with spring flowers blooming and butterflies etc. It was really nice. (and did I mention, FREE) We went back to the hotel as it was mid-afternoon and we had reservations for dinner in the Mandalay Bay at 5:30 and then the Mamma Mia show at 7:30pm. We loved it! Mamma Mia Las Vegas We had a call from our neighbors while in the show who happened to be in town for a wedding and so we made plans to talk to them when we returned from the Hoover Dam VIP Tour on the next day. We put Erika to bed and Joe played some poker and I did poorly on the slots but made my money last....still its fun with all the glitz and glamour!

    Day 3 Thursday we woke up early because I had a phone call from some NYC reporter...SCF still is listed out there so I get these calls once in a while...anyway..it helped us get a move on because we had to be at our meeting place at 8 am for the Hoover Dam VIP Tour. We were on time and really it was a great thing for Erika to see...Bureau of Reclamation: Lower Colorado Region - Hoover Dam Very educational and interesting. We also stopped at a small museum and had lunch (included) and went to Ethel M's chocolate factory tour...with free samples and a cactus garden...always a good thing..we bought some ice cream there too....needless to say it was a great way to spend a day in Vegas...plus you have the chance to see how the people really lived there...and how much things cost etc. When we returned back to the hotel we made plans for our Seattle neighbors to pick us all up and bring us to their time share. Erika babysat their little 3 year old while the 4 adults went out to the Hard Rock Casino for dinner....we all had the $10 special of prime rib dinner at the Lucky 7's which was just OK and then we went back and Erika went out with our neighbors while Joe and I gambled at the Luxor. (Boy, it sounds like we did a lot of gambling!! LOL) Erika came back around 12:30 AM after showing the 3 J's the conservatory at the Belligio and having dessert out ($9.00 Cheese Cake anyone?!?!) Anyway...Erika made money on HER vacation! LOL

    Day 4 Friday and the final day our huge breakfast at the hotel was comp'ed which was nice and we didn't have to check out until noon...so around that time we dropped our luggage off with the Bell service and went over to the Tropicana to see the Titanic exhibit. It was really cool and I highly recommend it! They give you a card with the name and some background of a passenger and at the end of the tour you see if your person survived or not...we all did...They even had a huge "ice burg" to touch...lots of artifacts...very educational.Titanic Image Gallery  Erika liked it...and then we headed back to our hotel to get ready to meet the shuttle. I had some free casino money I needed to use up so Joe took Erika to buy some final souvenirs and I played about 1/2 hour of Roulette...and won...which is nice to walk away from there with SOME money back in your pocket. Then it was back to the airport and an uneventful flight back to Seattle! (rude awakening!!)

    That's the trip!!...I am sure I left out some things...the weather was GREAT the entire time we were there...the smoking was pretty heavy...one of the things I hate about casinos...and Erika was miffed that she couldn't "push a button" or watch people playing slots because she was under 21. If you are thinking of a family vacation a few days in Vegas maybe your best bet...I don't recommend it for the very young...maybe 8 and up for some of the cool shows...Blue Man Group is there and there are plenty of magic and variety shows...not to mention secret gardens and food galore!

Happy Sunday!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Umbilical Cord Blood: Donate, Bank, or Toss

    Listed below are some links to various umbilical cord blood sites and educational information. I personally didn't have this choice when my own children were born in 1986 and 1996 however, in 2000, my IP's decided to bank the cord blood of their newborn twins...and in 2005, my 2nd couple decided NOT to bank the blood of their newborns...so you can see, it is a very personal decision that needs to be made individually. I read on one of these sites that the odds are that the average baby will ever use his or her own banked cord blood is considered very low. The primary reason that parents consider banking their newborn's cord blood is because they have a child or close relative with a family medical history of diseases that can be treated with bone marrow transplants. On the other hand public cord blood banking is strongly supported. Its up to you to research the facts well before the birth. It's a procedure you have to choose and plan for beforehand as it is not routine in hospitals or home births.

Cord Blood Stem Cell Banking - FAQs About Cord Blood, Stem Cells, and Cord Blood Banking 

Parent's Guide to Cord Blood Banks 

Cord Blood Donation: Frequently Asked Questions 

Cord Blood Banking, Umbilical Cord Bank, Baby Cord Blood, Research - Viacord 

National Cord Blood Program 

Banking Your Newborn's Cord Blood 

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net 

British woman freezes eggs for daughter aged 10

Not that I am sick of hearing myself 'talk' but having a 12 year old daughter I can certainly relate to this mom.....but do I think it will work? Only time will tell!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

British woman freezes eggs for daughter aged 10

Katy Sinclair Progress Educational Trust 03 June 2008 [BioNews, London] A British woman has had some of her own eggs frozen for her ten-year old daughter to use in the future, as she will be rendered infertile by a genetic illness. As frozen eggs for donation can only be kept for 10 years, and the mother's eggs were frozen when the girl was only eight, her daughter will have to use the eggs before she reaches the age of 18. The girl has Turner syndrome, where one of the two X chromosomes carried by women is missing, and which almost always causes infertility, although women with the condition can conceive using donor eggs. The syndrome affects around 2,500 girls born each year. In 2005 her mother decided to freeze some eggs for her daughter, to give her the chance of having a baby genetically related to her. The case has caused some to call for a change in the law, as the girl is unlikely to be in a position to want to have children by 18, when the eggs will have to be either used or destroyed. The mother, who is campaigning for the law to be changed, said 'I don't want to put my daughter under pressure, and I don't think she should be having to make that choice at that age. We feel real sadness that, for no particularly justifiable reason, our daughter is going to be put in an impossible situation'. Proponents of a change in the law argue that the ten year rule is arbitrary, with Gillian Lockwood, medical director of Midland Fertility Services, arguing that it has 'no scientific justification at all'. The family's cause is being supported by their MP, Andrew Stunell, who has also raised the issue in the House of Commons. Mr Stunell is considering tabling an amendment to the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Bill, which is in the process of being debated in Parliament. He said, 'my constituent and her family are in a Catch-22. She faces a ten-year maximum storage period, by which time her daughter, who would be the beneficiary of the donation, would not be at an appropriate age or stage in her life'. The Department of Health has said that the storage rule could be changed without primary legislation, and is an issue that will be considered once the new Bill has been made law. Another solution would be for the girl to have the eggs fertilised with donated sperm, and to have those embryos frozen, which could then be stored for a further 10 years.

Memorial Day Travels: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet. 

— James Oppenheim

   

    As most of you know, those who have read my bio at least, I am now a resident of Seattle, Washington. Not having been here a year yet, there is still a ton for us to explore and experience. This Memorial Day, Joe, my long suffering husband of 23 years arranged for the three of us...Erika, our 12 year old, and myself to drive up to Vancouver CA for an over night...yes DRIVE....at THESE GAS PRICES!! But heck, it was cheaper then flying the Lear round trip and renting a car for 36 hours and it was only 150 miles one way, unless you get lost then you can add on 50 miles of aimless wandering while trying not to kill each other over who told who to take a right when it should have been a left! (No names please!!)

   So we left the Seattle area taking the northern route toward Vancouver, B.C. Driving on the I5 highway was a beautiful ride on a Sunday. The sun was shining and we were all in a great mood. Waiting the 45 minutes to cross the border into Canada wasn't even that bad with the windows rolled down and a light breeze wafting off the Pacific Ocean from the left and on the right, a lovely little speck of flowering shrubs and green grass where the Peace Arch Provincial Park is located. (No we didn't get out and stroll because we were hoping for a miracle to happen. One that included the lines moving faster through the check points into Canada....don't hold your breath!) We did bring our passports and once it was finally our turn it was all of 55 seconds of where are you going and why and THEN we were through and experiencing THE GREAT NORTH WEST of Canada....where road signs are hard to follow!

    We finally arrived at the River Rock Casino Resort located in Richmond, Canada just south of Vancouver. Check out the link! This is a all Suite resort and Spa with a small casino. We checked into our beautiful suite over looking a marina....Erika had a very comfortable queen size sofa bed in the living room and we had a heavenly king sized bed in the bed room. Everything was new and fresh. After we were settled in we had lunch at the Dockside Cafe and Joe and Erika hit the beautiful indoor pool with a water slide! (I just lounged on a chair, took pictures and read my book...MY idea of relaxing!) After an hour or two of swimming we were off to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (PG 13). It was fun and Harrison Ford hasn't changed a bit! We had a quick bite to eat and then back to the hotel. I am leaving out 2 things here...how DISSAPPOINTING  it was to find out that the US dollar is only worth 95 cents AND how horribly LOST we were trying to find the movie theatre! I swear that when you are on a road that provides signs every 2 miles that states 'please respect slow moving farm equipment' you would think THIS is the WRONG ROAD....and you turn around....and we DID...and then we found out that we actually WERE on the right road and so we had to back track AGAIN....sheesh...This is where the "D" word is tossed around with abandoned while my child, from the back seat, in a sing song voice, tells her father and I to build a bridge and GET OVER IT! HA (SHE isn't driving!!)

    Back at the hotel, we settle Erika in with some ice cream, the remote control and the cell phone while Joe and I decide to support our neighbors, the Canadian's, with some of our hard earned American Moola. This is my way of saying...NO we didn't hit the big one on the slots and don't ask anything about the exchange rates at the Casinos! But it was fun for a while and we tucked ourselves into our heavenly bed by midnight! 

      Memorial Day dawned bright, I'm sure...but I didn't see a bit of light until 10:30 am. Now THAT's a Vacation! We packed up and by 11:30 we were out the door and on our way North through Vancouver to Capilano. I highly recommend a visit to the Capilano Suspension Bridge | Explore the Park . It is beautiful! And well worth the price. We had only thought that the Suspension bridge would be the best thing about it but we loved the bridges in the tree tops as well as the cliffhanger walk. This is perfect for all ages and I really don't think you need to worry about any small child falling through the cracks...there aren't any! It is perfectly safe.....although I saw MANY older people hanging on for dear life! We stayed a couple of hours and may have stayed longer if we didn't need to get back to Seattle.  

    Again, on the drive back, we had to wait at least an hour to cross onto US soil and again, our passports came in handy. But this time there was no breeze as we took a less scenic route back to America and I5. We will be traveling north again but we may take a ferry to Victoria the next time. I always believe in taking full advantage of where you are living and see what is out your very own back door......and with travel starting to cost so much these short trips maybe all we do for a while!

Happy Sunday!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Photos are from the Capilano Website

The Family at Capilano

I wanted to add this photo of my DH, Joe, Erika and yours truly on one of the cliff hanger walks at Capilano, Canada....

 

Baby Sitter Details: Happy Sunday

What better way to spend a Sunday then to get a babysitter and go out to a relaxing dinner with your partner before the busy week starts. Do you have a note book with all the information listed (below)? Once you have most of this information written out you only need to change where you will be each time you leave your child/children with a sitter.

Have fun!

General details

• Names of all family members
• Address and telephone numbers including cell phone numbers
• Contact details of other family members such as grandparents

Medical details

• Allergies suffered by the children, including food allergies
• Medications required while you are out, including incidental ones such as for asthma or teething

Where to find …

• Spare house key
• Spare car keys
• First aid kit and medicines required
• Extra blankets
• Flash lights in the event of a power failure

When you should be contacted

• If a child has developed an illness such as vomiting or fever
• If anyone is injured and more than a simple bandage is required
• If a child is inconsolable and the babysitter has tried unsuccessfully to remedy the situation
• Any time it seems there has been a breach of security in the home, such as phone calls where no one answers, suspicious visitors, etc.

Emergency contact numbers

• Poison Control Center
• Police
• Fire
• Ambulance
• Hospital
• Family doctor

Fire procedures
• Rule number 1: “Everybody out!”
• Provide a map showing the most logical exits
• Detail locations of fire extinguisher/s and blanket/s
• Outline any other pertinent details

House rules (mostly for older kids)
• Time limits for phone calls
• Bed times
• Appliances that are out of bounds such as heaters, electric blankets, food processors
• Television programs that are off limits
• Rooms that are out of bounds
• Foods that are allowed or not

Where the parents will be
• Details of locations where they will be while out
• Phone numbers where parents can be reached
• What time parents expect to be home
• When parents expect to call in to check on everyone

The above may seem like an exhaustive list but once you have prepared it, it’s ready each time someone baby sits for you. It’s a small investment for the children’s safety and your peace of mind.

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Social Security Numbers For Children

I will be brief here because the link below says it all....

http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/10023.html

When you have a baby, one of the things that should be on your “to do” list is getting a Social Security number for your baby. The easiest time to do this is when you give information for your child’s birth certificate. If you wait to apply for a number at a Social Security office, there may be delays while we verify your child’s birth certificate.

Social Security Numbers For Children 

So if you are about to have a baby, through Surrogacy, IVF, or without any help at all, go to the hospital prepared with the information to start the Social Security wheels in motion!

Happy Sunday!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Happy Mother's Day:Arkansas Mom Pregnant With 18th Child

There's not a better way to celebrate mother's day then reading about another incredible mother...(better her then me!) ;-)

Happy Mother's Day!!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.org

By JILL ZEMAN,

AP

Posted: 2008-05-10 06:55:03

Filed Under: Nation News

LITTLE ROCK (May 9) - It's a Happy Mother's Day, indeed, for Michelle Duggar - she's pregnant with her 18th child, and says she has no plans to stop any time soon.

Photo Gallery

Beth Hall, AP

17 Kids...
And Counting

Seven daughters and 10 sons just wasn't enough for Arkansas couple Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar. Just in time for Mother's Day, the busy parents announced they're expecting their 18th child. Their oldest, Josh, is 20, and youngest, Jennifer, is 9 months old. Here, the family celebrates Jennifer's birth last August.

Duggar, 41, is due on New Year's Day, and the latest bundle of joy will join seven sisters and 10 brothers, including two sets of twins.

"We've had three in January, three in December. Those two months are a busy time for us," she said, laughing.

The Duggars' oldest child, Josh, is 20, and the youngest, Jennifer, is nine months old.

The fast-growing family lives in Tontitown in northwest Arkansas in a massive 7,000-square-foot home. All the children - whose names start with the letter J - are home-schooled.

Pregnancy is nothing new for Michelle Duggar - she's been pregnant for more than 11 years of her life, according to "fun facts," on the family's Discovery Health web page. The Duggars have been featured on several Discovery Health shows, and are in the process of filming another series.

The new show looks at life inside the Duggar home, where chores - or "jurisdictions" - are assigned to each child. One episode of the new show involves a "jurisdiction swap," where the boys do chores traditionally assigned to the girls, and vice versa, Duggar said.

"The girls swapped jurisdictions, changing tires, working in the garages, mowing the grass," she said. "The boys got to cook supper from start to finish, clean the bathrooms," among other chores.

Duggar said she's six weeks along and the pregnancy is going well. She and her husband, Jim Bob Duggar, said they'll keep having children as long as God wills it.

"The success in a family is first off, a love for God, and secondly, treating each other like you want to be treated," Jim Bob Duggar said. "Our goal is for each one of our children to be best friends, and everybody working together to serve each other makes that happen."

The other Duggar children, in between Joshua and Jennifer, are Jana, 18; John-David, 18; Jill, 16; Jessa, 15; Jinger, 14; Joseph, 13; Josiah, 11; Joy-Anna, 10; Jeremiah, 9; Jedidiah, 9; Jason, 7; James, 6; Justin, 5; Jackson, 3; and Johannah, 2.

Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. The information contained in the AP news report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press. All active hyperlinks have been inserted by AOL.

The 16 vaccine-preventable diseases

I am one of those mom's who believe's in getting every vaccine known to man so that my child won't suffer....however, my daughter Erika, recently pointed out as she was getting her last HPV shot, that she is SUFFERING NOW! (she hates shots) But I worry that later in life she might catch something and because I failed to ignore her cries and not protect her through vaccinations that she will suffer even a worse fate. I subscribe to Dr. Sears news letter and below is a list of the 12 routine childhood vaccines and I thought that I would share them with you.

Sharon

www.infertilityAnswers.net

The 12 routine childhood vaccines are designed to prevent, or decrease the risk of, 16 diseases. Some diseases are more common than others. Some are more serious than others. Certain diseases are more or less serious or common depending on a child’s age. Understanding these illnesses is in
important step in making an educated decision regarding your child’s vaccines. 

The Vaccine Book provides a detailed look at each disease and covers the following information:

• What each disease is and how it is transmitted
• How common, or rare, it is
• How serious, or mild, it is
• How it is prevented
• Whether or not it is treatable and what the expected treatment course would be
• How each disease affects children and adults differently at various ages
• Which diseases are most common and severe for infants
• Which ones are most severe for older children
• How to boost your child’s immune system to help prevent these diseases

Here is a very brief look at each of the vaccine-preventable diseases:

Haemophilus Influenza type B

This bacteria causes meningitis and bloodstream infections. It used to be extremely common, but is now very rare. Most cases are in infants or the elderly. It can be fatal.

Pneumococcal Disease

This bacteria causes meningitis, bloodstream infections, and pneumonia. It is still fairly common. Most cases are in infants or the elderly. It can be fatal.

Diphtheria

This bacteria causes a severe throat and upper lung infection. It can be fatal. It has been virtually eradicated from the U.S.

Tetanus

This bacteria causes weakness and paralysis when allowed to fester in a deep, dirty wound. It is fairly rare and occurs mainly in adults. It can be fatal.

Pertussis (whooping cough)

This bacteria causes severe coughing fits. Fatalities do occur, mainly in young infants. It is still a very common illness in the U.S.

Hepatitis B

This virus causes severe liver damage. It is a sexually transmitted disease, or contracted through other means of blood exposure. It is fairly common in adults, but very rare in infants and children. It can be fatal.

Rotavirus

This virus causes severe diarrhea, vomiting, and dehydration in infants. It is extremely common and can be fatal.

Polio

This virus causes muscle weakness and paralysis. It can be fatal. It has been eradicated from the U.S. and entire western hemisphere.

Measles

This virus causes fever and rash. It can damage internal organs but is rarely fatal. It is now fairly rare in the U.S.

Mumps

This virus causes fever and rash. It can damage internal organs but is rarely fatal. It is now fairly rare in the U.S., although a recent epidemic did sweep through the Midwest.

Rubella

This virus causes fever and rash. It is now extremely rare in the U.S. It can cause birth defects if a pregnant mom is exposed

Chickenpox

This virus causes fever and rash. It is still very common, but fatalities are very rare.

Hepatitis A

This virus causes a severe intestinal “flu” and mild liver damage in adults. It is very mild in young children, however. It is fairly common, but virtually never fatal.

Flu

This virus causes the classic “flu”. It is extremely common and causes come fatalities in infants and elderly.

Meningococcal Disease

This bacteria causes severe bloodstream infections and meningitis. It isn’t very common, but has a high fatality rate when it does strike.

Human Papillomavirus

This virus causes genital warts and cervical cancer. It is extremely common and is passed through sexual contact.

For a more detailed discussion on these vaccine-preventable diseases, see The Vaccine Book.

Positive Praise Happy Sunday

  Gilead's Balm: Come in and Rest (NH)

       

 

   It's Sunday again! Funny how the weekend just sneaks up on us all like that! Today I would like to feature a piece from a blog on parenting. Marni Wells is the mother of 12 kids! Yes!! 12...and all single births too! She has a lot of great advise and I would like to post Positive Praise today because it is not just for kids, praise makes everyone feel good! Please visit Marni's website and enjoy! You can even sign up for her newsletter!

Thank you for reading my blog! You are all greatly appriciated!

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Positive Praise 

It takes no energy.
Costs no money.
Takes little time.
Requires no special tools.

It can cause increase in stature.
It can bring renewal and a lighter step.
It can ease stress.
It can lift a heavy load.
It affects every life at every age.

PRAISE

P  power packed words of encouragement
r   right at any time of day or nite
a  always works
i   intuitively welcome
s  saying something that is positive and personal
e  everybody deserves some

Do you want to change things in your marriage, your work, your children, your school, committee meetings, church, relationships??? Try praise. "You will win more bees with honey"
Now I am not suggesting that you make things up. That you slather compliments...brown nose....etc...

I AM SUGGESTING that you begin to practice praise. Start by making a decision to give 1 genuine praise per day per individual. This does not come natural in most cases. So you will need to be intentional to pull it off. You may meet some skepticism in the beginning but don't let it hinder you. Make it a practice.

Children will thrive with praise. You do not need to worry that they will become proud or spoiled...if the praise is genuine it will do it's job.

It can be delivered privately or in a group setting, in a note, letter, with a gift or alone.

Don't let anything stop you. Praise. Praise PRAISE!!

Blessings
Marnie
http://comeinandrest.blogspot.com/2008/04/positive-praise.html

Onslaught

  A friend sent me this site and it's really an eye opener. Because Beauty is a multi-billion dollar industry and targeted at our girls, I felt that it was more then appropriate to place this on my Sunday Parenting 101 blog. Intended Parents look at Egg Donors the same way in my opinion. The first thing they see is the physical form and only then will they look deeper into who she really is. This may be the wake up call!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    In 2004, Dove launched the Campaign for Real Beauty. It ditched the industry standards for advertising. There would be no more unrealistic beauty standards.

    Dove also launched a self-esteem campaign. It attempts to dispel beauty myths. Part of that campaign involves viral films.

    These two films show how the beauty industry distorts reality. It’s an important lesson. Pass this on to anyone with a teenage daughter.

(Some of the images are racy. But remember, this stuff is on TV every day.)

Kim Komando's Video of the Day - Search and Browse Videos at Komando.com 

Sharon

www.InfertilityAnswers.net

The First New Born Dr. Visit:

Below are some guidelines based on information from the American Academy of Pediatrics and from Bright Futures, which is funded by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. It's always a good idea to be prepared with your own list of questions and concerns for the Dr. Although there are many Dr. visits within the first year, remember babies change and grow rapidly which means that your questions will change as well. I hope this list helps you with your first newborn visit.

Things the doctor will do at today's visit:

• Ask how things are going with your new baby.
• Examine your baby.
• Make sure that your baby received antibiotic drops or ointment for the eyes and a vitamin K shot.
• Make sure that your baby has a newborn screening blood test.
• Recommend an immunization for your baby: Hepatitis B.
• Give you an opportunity to ask questions.

Things to keep in mind:

• Always use a car seat , backward-facing in the back seat until your baby is at least 12 months old and weighs 20 pounds.
• Always use your own seat belt.
• Place your baby on his back to sleep.
• Make sure your baby's crib is safe.
• Never leave your baby alone on changing tables, beds, sofas, chairs or other raised surfaces.
• Set thermostat on hot water heater to 120 degrees F or below.
• Install smoke detectors on every floor in your home and test them monthly.
• You cannot spoil a newborn. Try to comfort your baby when he cries, by holding, rocking or cuddling him.
• Rest whenever your baby is sleeping.
• Realize that you may feel tired, overwhelmed or depressed.

Schedule an appointment for your baby's next visit, usually within one to two weeks after birth.

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net

Mom Gives Birth to Rare Identical Triplets

This was posted on AOL....one embryo was transfered using IVF....
By FRANK ELTMAN,
AP
Posted: 2008-03-05 09:25:02
Filed Under: Health News, Nation News
MANHASSET, N.Y. (March 5) - When they get older, Logan, Eli and Collin Penn may blanch at the notion they wore nail polish to their first news conference. But it's the only way their parents know how to tell the boys apart right now. The identical triplets were born Wednesday at North Shore University Hospital on Long Island - an event so rare that an obstetrician estimated it might happen just once in 200 million births.

Ed Betz, AP
Allison Penn looks at her identical triplets Tuesday at North Shore University Hospital in Manhasset, N.Y. From left are Logan, Eli and Collin. The triplets resulted from just one embryo implanted during in-vitro fertilization. The odds of giving birth to identical triplets are one in 200 million, an obstetrician estimated.

The triplets' mother, Allison Penn, was impregnated with just one embryo through in-vitro fertilization, said Dr. Victor Klein, a specialist in multiple births and high-risk pregnancies who delivered the boys.

That embryo split in half, and then one half of that split again, he said.

"This is the first one we're aware of in the literature in the country in which they only put back one embryo" and a woman gave birth to triplets, said Klein. "Most people put back two or three embryos, and you just never know."

Identical triplets are born at a rate between one in 60,000 and one in 200 million, depending on the research, Klein said.

Allison Penn, 31, said she and her husband, Tom, 46, had tried to have a baby since they got married about four years ago. Although she once thought of having several children, the disappointments over four years revised her dreams downward.

"When it took us so long to get pregnant, I just assumed we were going to have one, and that would probably be it," she said. "So I thought one would be good."

And when she and her husband were told three youngsters were on the way?
"I looked over at Allison and her mouth was wide open and her eyes were like saucers, and she didn't say a word," Tom Penn said. "Then I realized that it was possible, and then I started to laugh."

He confessed he couldn't get over the irony.

"Everything we had done was to have one baby," he said. "Anybody who says God doesn't have a sense of humor - everything we did was just for having one baby, and now we have three."

To help tell them apart, the boys have a dot of maroon nail polish on their fingers. Logan Thomas, who weighed 4 pounds, 12 ounces, has a mark on his thumb; Eli Kirkwood, a 4-pounder, has polish on his forefinger, and Collin McGuire, at 4 pounds, 11 ounces, has a mark on his middle finger. Logan may have a problem with a non-functioning kidney, but the other children are healthy, doctors said.

Allison, an education specialist for the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, said she has not decided whether to return to work.

"That's one of those 'one-day-at-time' issues," she said.

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2008-03-05 09:23:02

Happy Sunday.....enjoy

Download BabiesandFathers.wmv

Sunday is a day of rest....so enjoy this little video all you Dads, Intended Dads and Moms who think that the Dads should help!

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net

This is a 'must watch' video

http://www.childdrowningprevention.com/index.html

Infant Swimming Resource has instructors throughout the United States.  To find instructors outside of Phoenix, AZ log on to the national website - www.infantswim.com. 

I wanted to share this link with you today, especially for parents with swimming pools. After all, our goal is to keep all of our children safe!

Sharon
www.InfertilityAnswers.net