Surrogacy 101

Tips for a Successful Surrogacy Journey by Sharon LaMothe of LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting

A lot of knowledgeable surrogacy professionals contributed to this article on Tips for a Successful Surrogacy Journey. It's worth your while to read the entire thing!

 

Here's my contribution:

I feel that IPs underestimate the timeline as well as the cost. Depending on if they are working on an independent surrogacy journey or with an agency the timeline always seems to be off. If IPs are going independent then often times they underestimate what the budget should be for each step. They also make assumptions (in both cases) that the surrogate will become pregnant on the first round of IVF and will never need bed rest and everything associated with that. There are misconceptions on what a pregnant woman needs in order for her to carry for another couple. Oftentimes the rest of the surrogate’s family is in the background for the IP and they don’t realize how much support the husband gives and how children impact the entire journey.

As for women wanting to become surrogate, they often think that because they became pregnant so easily and had no real complications that the expectation is that the next pregnancy would be the same, smooth sailing, which is often not the case. Another mistake I see from surrogates that any complication they had with their own pregnancy would not be of interest or affect the outcome of a surrogacy pregnancy. They are often willing to overlook what “could happen” and wear rose-colored glasses so that if/when something unexpected turns up they are in complete shock. You’d think that this mindset would be caught during the mental health evaluation but sometimes it’s not.

Sharon is also the Owner of LaMothe Services, LLC, an ART business solutions service started in 2008 and is the proud founder of LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting, founded in 2010, aimed at teaching IPs and Surrogates about surrogacy and their options, risks & rewards.

www.lamothesurrogacyconsulting.com
@SharonLaMothe

Surrogacy and Superstitions: Common IVF Rituals Guest Post by Shoshannah Ingersoll of The Surrogacy Program

Throughout the anthropological study of humankind, a unifying pattern has emerged: human beings practice rituals and hold superstitions for the events they can’t control in life. Trying to get pregnant is one of those events that carries so much uncertainty for those undergoing IVF. How do surrogates cope with going through an IVF cycle and embryo transfer knowing that the only thing they can control is following the medication and bed rest instructions? Here are some of those interesting and sometimes peculiar habits that help to pass the time during the two week wait:

Eat the Pineapple: Some people believe that the Bromelain found in pineapple (most highly concentrated in the core) can boost the chance of embryo implantation. Surrogates slice the pineapple into discs and eat a slice or two each day starting the day before embryo transfer and continuing a few days post transfer. Does it really work? Who knows! But if you love pineapple it couldn’t hurt!

Wear Socks: There is an eastern medicine belief that warm feet make for a nice cozy womb for the embryo. Some surrogates wear socks to their IVF transfer and for the days following the transfer. Being comfortable after an embryo transfer may help you to feel more relaxed so if toasty toes will help you rest at ease- go for it!

Talk to the Embryo: Of course the embryo can’t hear this early on, that happens much later in pregnancy, but the thought is that positive energy and the power of intention for the embryo to stick around might influence the outcome.  It is not particularly scientific, but Surrogates tend to be positive thinkers and there is no harm in trying it.

Don’t Eat Cold or Raw Foods: This one also stems from eastern medicine, but as far as staying comfortable and relaxed, comfort foods may help to keep you at ease.  Avoiding raw vegetables or cold foods that can make your digestive system work harder when you’re on bedrest may prevent unwanted indigestion. Definitely steer clear of raw foods that wouldn’t be considered safe for pregnancy such as sushi.

To POAS or Not to POAS: This coping mechanism during the two week wait can be a source of reassurance, or it could cause unnecessary worry. In surrogacy lingo POAS is a fun little acronym for “Pee on A Stick” or to take a home pregnancy test. There are a lot of good reasons to NOT do this such as avoiding a false negative, a positive not indicating how viable the pregnancy is, and the expense of buying tests. There is only really one reason to do it, and that is because you just can’t stand waiting another moment for the official test, and you’re not alone there. I am an infamous home pregnancy test cheater. The key is to keep the results private, so your intended parents aren’t worried by it, and to take the results with a grain of salt. I have seen surrogates with negative home tests on the day of the official blood test turn out to be viably pregnant, and I have seen surrogates with positive home tests turn out to have chemical pregnancies.

These are just a few of many rituals surrogates may follow to relieve their anxieties during the two week wait or to try to positively influence the outcome.  If you tried something else that you felt worked or didn’t work, please feel free to share. Sending positive embryo sticking thoughts to all of the surrogates out there with upcoming transfers!

About the Author:

Shoshannah Ingersoll is the Surrogate Match Coordinator at The Surrogacy Program and a proud 3x Gestational Surrogate. For more information please visit: https://www.eggdonation.com/becoming-a-surrogate/top-surrogacy-agency call 818-506-9300 or email [email protected] for a free consultation.

Top 12 Don't's When Planning a Surrogacy Arrangement by Sharon LaMothe of LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting

You need a surrogate and made the decision to go at your search for the perfect woman alone in order to save money. Research, of course, is a must but you will soon find that all this new information can be overwhelming. I am going to post a short list of 12 don't's when planning a surrogacy arrangement whether it be traditional or gestational. Each don't has a longer explanation.  If you would like more information please contact me at LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting and we can go over this list together. Our first 40 minute call is FREE!

1) Don't work with a woman under the age of 21

 

2) Don't work with a woman who has never given birth to a child of her own

 

3) Don't forget the Psychological Evaluation for your surrogate, her partner and the IP and group consult 

 

4) Don't use a contract downloaded from the Internet or work with an attorney who doesn't have any reproductive legal experience

 

5) Don't use the sperm from an ex boyfriend 

 

6) Don't work with a Surrogate who lives in a state that makes "commercial surrogacy contracts" are unenforceable

 

7) Don't even consider in home sperm insemination's

 

8) Don't forget to ask your RE about single embryo transfers

 

9) Don't forget to work with a 3rd party Escrow Agency 

 

10) Don't expect or insist that a surrogate move in with you for ANY part of the surrogacy journey

 

11) Don't forget to pay all the bills regarding the surrogacy, pregnancy and birth in a timely manner

 

12) Don't forget to keep in touch, even if it's just quick texts or emails, with your surrogate after the birth. 

 

Of course there is much more to a surrogacy arrangement than these 12 situations/issues. It's in your best interest to learn all you can before moving forward!

 

Sharon is the Owner of LaMothe Services, an Assisted Reproductive Business Solutions Company and Founder of LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting and is a Third Party Family Building Educator/Adviser with over 20 years of experience. Sharon is the author of Surrogacy Helps Make a Family Grow! a book for the children of gestational and traditional surrogates. She is a married mother of two located in the greater Seattle Washington area and a retired gestational Surrogate of 2 sets of twins.

 

Related articles

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Reproductive Laws In Canada: Guest Post By Christina Park, Esquire

Question: Why are some Gestational Surrogates paid more then other Gestational Surrogates?

Confessions of an Apprehensive Intended Parent by Guest Blogger Susanna Gedaro, Owner of Special Deliveries, LLC

“You worked with a… a… surrogate??? You mean… like… *that movie*???”

If I had a penny for every time I heard that, I’d be a millionaire.

Embedded in that question are so, so many others. Questions like:

What if she turns out to be crazy? Aren’t you worried she will use drugs or drink heavily during the pregnancy?

Aren’t you afraid she will try to keep the baby? Does she have any legal rights to the baby?

What will her emotional connection be with the baby, will there be any sort of weird co parenting arrangement with her forevermore?

Do you have to keep in touch with her after the pregnancy is over?            

Are you going to bond with the baby the same way?                         

What will you tell the child about this?

Are you *really* going to be the parent(s)? I mean… the REAL parent(s)? In every sense?

 

My friends and family were mostly completely unfamiliar with having a baby via Gestational Carrier, it seemed weird to nearly everyone I knew and they were worried on my behalf. Nobody, me included, didn’t know what we didn’t know. The only exposure most people have to surrogacy is either “Baby Mama” or a million lifetime movies where everything that could possibly go wrong, did. So I decided to take the opportunity in this article to address some common fears and worries from an IP perspective.

First, let’s talk about all those movies. Pretty much everything that could go wrong did in them. But here’s the thing to remember, when things go wrong that’s when they make a movie about it, otherwise there’s no dramatic storyline. When things in surrogacy (more typically) go right, there’s nothing particularly dramatic for people to salivate over and repeat to each other.  It’s reminds me of that often heard “Oh, just adopt and then you’ll get pregnant.” While there is so much just inherently wrong in this statement, starting with the fact that it implies that an adopted child is only a means to having a biological child as opposed to fulfilling dreams of parenthood themselves, not to mention perpetuating the myth that “just relaxing” cures infertility, statistically speaking, that statement is utterly and completely false anyway. The rate of people who spontaneously become pregnant (after struggling with infertility) post adoption is the same as for those who have struggled with infertility who do not choose to adopt. In this situation, if there’s no unexpected pregnancy, there’s nothing to talk about. When there is something unexpected that happens, people naturally talk about it and this makes it seem like this is far more common than it actually is. The same is true for surrogacy arrangements gone sour and/or which completely go off the rails. So take every movie you’ve ever seen on this subject and permanently throw it into your mental dumpster. Now set it on fire and walk away!

Now let’s get to answering these questions…

1. What if the surrogate turns out to be crazy and/or drink heavily/use drugs during the pregnancy?

This is a fear that is not solely that of IP’s, GC’s can have this same fear about IP’s being mentally unstable. And let’s face it, there can be bad apples and scammers on both sides of this. This fear however, can be eliminated by working with a good agency that you trust.

For my four journeys I matched independently, mainly for financial reasons. I wanted to save money by not paying an agency fee and thought I could find a GC on my own just as easily. Yet again, I didn’t know what I didn’t know because both of those assumptions on my part turned out to be patently untrue and, in hindsight, doing things differently would have saved me a lot of money and, more importantly, a lot of heartbreak and wasted time. First, I had a friend offer and then back out which, emotionally, was just like another miscarriage. I then found someone who I thought was a great fit, I visited her at home, met her kids, did contracting and started the process. She passed the psych evaluation and medical clearance with flying colors. It was a fresh cycle so we had started meds when her email bounced. I thought that was odd but waited a few days and emailed again. Same result. Then I called her and found her phone was disconnected. I assumed she had had a change of heart and just didn’t want to tell me. I was crushed but then called the insurance company through which I had purchased a medical plan for her. Since there had been no claims made on it they offered to refund it, however they would only refund it to the person on the policy, namely her. I explained over and over the situation and escalated it several times but they wouldn’t budge and cut the check to her and mailed it to her. They confirmed that it had been cashed a few weeks later and I never heard from her again. Change of heart or original plan, she scammed me. I lost all the money from the insurance company deposit in addition to all the money from the canceled IVF cycle including medications. All this alone easily would have paid for an agency fee, a few times over. The next candidate I met I saw the red flags for before agreeing to match with her but I’m certain she was not on the up and up because too many parts of her story did not add up. The fourth woman I met seemed great until I discovered that she had contracted with an agency but was also looking for IP’s on her own at the same time, so she was being dishonest with the agency. It was at this point I believe, that I called up a good friend who had experience with surrogacy, owner of this blog, Sharon LaMothe. I’m not sure if she remembers the phone call but I remember being in tears that I now had four failed independent matches under my belt and wondered out loud if this would ever work or if I was just cursed. Sharon listened to all of it and, in between my sobs, gave me several pieces of great advice and was incredibly kind throughout. Though she wasn’t running an agency at the time (I would have signed on in a heartbeat if she had been) she gave me the name of a woman she knew who had been a GC before and might be interested in being a Gestational Carrier again. This woman ultimately became my first GC.

Though my four successful matches were all done independently and ultimately all worked out exceptionally well, in hindsight I would have saved myself a lot of heartbreak and countless months of wasted time had I just gone with an agency in the first place. Before I met the GC that Sharon introduced me to, I had spent countless hours of my time interviewing potential matches, driving all over the place (and paying for hotels, gas, restaurant meals etc.) so I could meet them and wasted months in a search that a good agency would have done far more efficiently and far more competently as well.  Not only will a good agency screen Gestational Carriers (and IP’s) to make sure everyone is on the up and up and in the right frame of mind, they will make sure a GC is not a drug user or smoker, does not drink heavily during the pregnancy, ensure a GC passes a psychological/mental health evaluation and does not carry any communicable diseases. The agency will also actually (counter intuitively, I know) save IP’s money both in avoiding scams, not paying travel costs for interviews and save a whole lot of time and potentially heartbreak as well. That’s just the tip of the iceberg regarding what a good agency will do, however that’s better left for a different article.

2. Are you worried she will try to keep the baby? Does she have any legal rights to do so?

This question always makes me laugh because when I think of my GC’s nothing seems more ludicrous. Now granted, when they are faceless, nameless women in your head and just the *idea* of a GC as opposed to a specific actual living, breathing woman, yes, that can be a scary thought. But the reality is that most Gestational Carriers are motivated by altruism. They want to help another family and get great satisfaction from doing so. But even if that weren’t the case, a typical surrogate is pretty fertile. If she wanted another baby, she would just have one of her own, she wouldn’t want mine. Finally, my Gestational Carriers gave birth in a surrogacy friendly state so, even if she wanted to, she legally could not keep my children since she did not have a genetic/biological connection to any of them. This again goes back to working with a good agency who will refer you to a lawyer who has experience in surrogacy law in the state your Gestational Carrier lives in and will ensure that the Gestational Carrier understands and is prepared for any potential post-birth emotions.

As a side note, most of the legal issues arise with traditional surrogacy as opposed to gestational surrogacy. In traditional surrogacy the surrogate is also the genetic/biological mother of the child because her own eggs have been used to create the embryo/pregnancy. In gestational surrogacy, the woman who carries the baby, the Gestational Carrier, has no genetic connection to the baby she is carrying since her eggs were not used to create the pregnancy. Traditional surrogacy has largely fallen out of favor mainly due to the legal gray areas that are inherent to that process. Even if Intended Parents do not have eggs readily available, they will generally contract with an egg donor (who is a different person than their Gestational Carrier) and use her eggs to create their embryos, which will then be transferred to the uterus of the Gestational Carrier.

3. What will her emotional connection be with the baby, will there be any sort of weird co-parenting arrangement with her forevermore?

This is another one that, in hindsight, makes me laugh because knowing what I know now, a weird co-parenting arrangement is also utterly ludicrous. Going into a surrogacy arrangement everyone should understand that as soon as the baby is born, things are nearly exactly as if the IP(s) had given birth. The baby immediately goes on the insurance plan of the IP(s), they make all medical decisions for the baby, obviously name the baby and then take him/her home as soon as the hospital releases him/her. There is no co-parenting whatsoever, the IP(s) are the only parents of the child in every sense.

As far as the emotional connection to the child, this no doubt varies a bit from GC to GC. My GC’s have told me that they feel exactly the same towards my children as they would about the children of any other close friend. They are happy the child has loving parents and rightfully proud that they could help the IP’s grow their family in this way but also go into this knowing that they child is not theirs, therefore there are no parental feelings towards the baby from the Gestational Carrier nor would any feel like they should have any input on parental/family decisions regarding the child.

4. Do you have to keep in touch with her after the pregnancy is over?

In a word, no. There is no obligation to keep in touch in any way, to write letters, share photos etc. as there can be with other situations like open adoptions. That said, as an IP, yes, I do feel gratitude towards my GC’s. They gave me my children, how could I not be grateful?! Before they came into my life, I had experienced the devastation of infertility and multiple miscarriages and these women were the only ones who reached out and helped me out of that terrible place. Each one of them embodied the spirit of altruism and kindness in ways that most people can’t ever even comprehend. Most people simply do not have it in them to give such a huge gift to another family that start out as strangers. So no, I don’t HAVE to keep in touch with any of them, but my personal feelings are “why *wouldn’t* I want to?”. These are some of the kindest, most empathetic women on the planet! I’m honored and grateful for their continued friendship and they are the kind of people who are my first choice to keep in my life. All four became good friends along the way and I was very lucky in that all four now feel like the sisters I never had. My final GC in fact, is now also my business partner and we’ve opened our own surrogacy consulting agency called Special Deliveries, LLC.

That said, that doesn’t always happen. Sometimes both sides are content post birth to allow the relationship to cool. And that’s ok too. A good surrogacy arrangement is one where all parties know and agree on what to expect before, during and post pregnancy.

5. Are you going to bond with the baby the same way?

I was very lucky in that I was able to have one live birth, unfortunately with multiple miscarriages both before and after, prior to pursuing surrogacy. I can tell you from experience that my feelings towards my oldest child and my feelings towards the children I have via surrogacy are exactly the same. Whether I gave birth to them or not had absolutely zero effect on my bonding with them and the maternal love I feel for each one of them.                                        

6. What will you tell the child about this?

The answer to this question obviously will vary with the age of the child, however I believe in being open with them about their origins. Starting from the time they were old enough to have a conversation about it, I let them know using age appropriate language that I did not give birth to them, “mom’s tummy is broken” eventually became “I had had several miscarriages” as they got older.  Given that my Gestational Carriers are still in my life, this was easier because I could just tell them that XYZ gave birth to them. I am not ashamed of how my children came into the world and I think it’s important to normalize it for their sake. Sure, it’s not how babies typically arrive into the world, but maybe that makes their grand entrance even more special, and it sure as heck proves, without a shadow of a doubt, how much they were loved and hoped for, dreamed of and wanted, and loved for years before they were born. Now isn’t *that* a pretty awesome birth story that any child can feel good about?

7. Are you *really* going to be the parent(s)? I mean… the REAL parent(s)? In every sense?

This one is easy: YES! FINALLY! YES!

Ok, that’s an easy answer so let me expound a bit on it…  First, you may question the sanity of the nurses at the hospital for letting you leave with this baby and entrusting you to take care of this perfect little being. Can’t they see you don’t have the slightest idea what you’re doing? Yet somehow you will make it through that first night home with your baby and every night thereafter. You will wonder every day if you’re doing things right and you’ll make many, many mistakes along the way. As the days turn into weeks and months and then years you will find your groove, love your child more each day and more than you ever thought it was possible to love another human being and become the best parent to your unique child. Your weirdness will match and align with their weirdness. You will be the person who makes their favorite meals, teaches them to ride a bike and cleans up the vomit on the sheets at 3am. And they will try your patience, oh how they will try your patience and turn your hair gray! But at the end of the day, you will go to bed knowing that every day with this child is infinitely better than any day you lived through without them in your life and you won’t ever regret a single moment. So, in a word, yes, you will be the real parent, in every sense there is.

 

Susanna Gedaro is the happy mother of 7 children, 6 of whom arrived via gestational surrogacy following years of failed fertility treatments and multiple miscarriages. She matched independently four times with four amazing gestational carriers, the final one of which was Tracy King.  Susanna has been a local Resolve volunteer and leader since 2000 and continues to lead Central Florida Resolve meetings, which assist people in coping with infertility. Tracy King is a gestational carrier who matched twice, once with an agency and once independently, and gave birth in 2014 to Susanna's beautiful, healthy youngest daughter.

Susanna is an engineer by training and worked in the field for many years. Tracy spent several decades in the business sector, both in Human Resources and real estate and still holds an active Florida real estate license. Tracy and Susanna have been speakers on surrogacy both jointly and separately at several local and national events and have helped many, many people achieve their dreams of a family along the way over the years. Currently they co-own the surrogacy consulting agency Special Deliveries, LLC, LLC in Orlando, Florida and are proud members of SEEDS, (Society for Ethics in Egg Donation and Surrogacy) and the ASRM (The American Society for Reproductive Medicine).

Susanna and Tracy continue to not only be business partners, former IP/GC matches, but also BFFs. Because of their combined experience with both sides of this process, IP and GC, they understand this process inside and out and from all angles and utilize that experience to ensure their clients have as joyful and fulfilling journeys as they have had themselves.

 

Thinking About Your Future Relationship With Your Surrogate or Your Donor: a Guest Post by Lisa Schuman, LCSW of The Center for Family Building

Thinking about your future relationship with your surrogate or your donor at the beginning of your journey?

The answer to this question for most people is a hard no.  When beginning the process of building a family, it is common to feel reluctant to discuss these subjects.  This is understandable as there are often many consuming stresses that take center stage. 

If the patients are a heterosexual couple, infertility or a medical problem is often the catalyst that has led them to their next steps. If they are a gay couple there are often hefty costs involved and sometimes frustration about the need to seek treatment and cope with all they need to learn. If the patient is a single person he or she may feel conflicted about parenting alone, stressed by finances and unsolicited advice. Patients are also often still feeling the sting of relinquishing the family they thought they would always have.  These experiences may only be the tip of the painful or frustrating iceberg. Given all of this, it’s no wonder why patients are hesitant to spend time thinking about what their needs may be in years to come. However, it is worthwhile, for many reasons.  I will share two in this blog.

Typically, people who use a surrogate and an egg donor, develop a relationship with their surrogate and think more about maintaining that bond then developing a relationship with their donor.  For infertile women, beginning a relationship with a donor can feel threatening or hurtful. Gay or single men may be overwhelmed by the process or not feel the need to develop the relationship with their donor.  However, it is worthwhile to think about how the children will feel. It’s true, that most children ask whose tummy they grew in but it is likely that, over the course of their lives, they will be more interested in their donor than their surrogate.  Medical questions and thoughts about inherited traits will come up through the child’s life.  The child may or may not feel strongly about searching but these issues will surface at some point.

Not everyone wants to meet their donor.  However, if the intended parents are able to connect with their donor while she is still young, and often willing, they can establish a connection that may benefit them in several ways. The donor may be willing to be contacted later but like most of us, the donor may change in decades to come and may not feel invested in connecting when she has a full life and possibly children of her own. Connecting with her early on will not only give the parents to be an opportunity to learn things about the donor that they can tell their child but can help the donor form a connection to the parents to be.  This connection may motivate her to connect with the parents or the child in later years. In my work with donor conceived children, I see over and over, how nice it is to have that information and a life book filled with anecdotes about how they came into the world.  At www.familybuilding.net we have created a life book specifically for this purpose. I also see parents to be experience memorable moments with their donors and donors who feel even more positively about their donation after meeting with the intended parents.

Frequently, intended parents also feel burdened by creating a structured weekly Skype or face time call with their surrogates.  They want the relationship to grow organically. Yet, many families experience a honeymoon period with their surrogate and this does not always last.  Very often, once the initial excitement of the positive pregnancy test wears down, everyone gets busy and it is far too easy to fall into the trap of only talking about the pregnancy.  If this happens, the relationship can feel more like a business relationship than a friendship.

It’s hard to remember that this relationship is not like falling in love. It is more like an arranged marriage and in order to develop a good foundation, all parties need time to get to know each other.  If they do, they not only have the opportunity to create a beautiful story for their child but they may shield themselves against potential problems.  Hopefully nothing will go wrong, but if something does, it is much easier to raise difficult topics with someone who feels more like a friend than a business associate.  For more information on this subject, see our video, “Surrogacy Steps: A Five Part Series to Have a Better Relationship with Your Gestational Carrier”.  Having a professional nurture your surrogate and help her can feel cared for is an incredible gift for the intended parents and the surrogate.  LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting can help all parties manage the experience and ensure issues are managed before they become problems.

Beginning the journey to have a child with third party reproduction is not easy. By the time people start their journey, they are eager to move ahead as quickly as possible.  Slowing down for a moment to ponder these issues may feel frustrating in the moment but the investment they make in the beginning can pay off in spades in the future.

 

About Lisa Schuman, LCSW: Lisa is founding Director of The Center for Family Building and Director of Mental Health Services at Reproductive Medicine Associates of Connecticut

Ms. Schuman is former Chair of the Egg Freezing Task Force for the Mental Health Professional Group of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine and is a former board member of the American Fertility Association. 

Ms. Schuman has won several awards for her research, has lectured extensively and has written numerous articles on a variety of family building subjects including LBGTQ and single parent family building.  She runs on line groups, counsels parents and parents to be and leads workshops for children who joined their families through gamete donation or adoption.

 

What to Expect from Your Surrogacy Agency

 

 

Most surrogacy agencies have a wonderful wealth of knowledge and experience. They have the connections and contacts plus the time and the staff to assist their clients through the most difficult of surrogacy journeys. However, if you are planning to hire a surrogacy agency then expect to pay anywhere from $18k-$50K depending on the services offered, how long that agency has been in business, and the size of the agency. This usually does not include the surrogate compensation, medical, legal, or mental health professionals, etc.  A Surrogacy Consultant, like myself, will also assist with a lot of these steps but only after the Intended Parents have found their own surrogate (be it from an Internet search, through a friend or working with a family member). It can be significantly less expensive with a consultant if you are also willing to put some time and effort into the process.

First Steps:

 

(Usually Free) Consultations with Intended Parents which includes education on the surrogacy process

IP retains Surrogacy Agency Services

Agency then will do the following:

Advertise for the surrogates that Intended Parents are looking for. This can be based on the following:

location
working/stay at home mother
has insurance
age/bmi range
willing to pump breast milk
willing to carry twins
term or no term
selective reduction or none
married or single 
healthy (no smoking or vaping, drugs, medications, psychological issues, pregnancy issues, etc.)
not on government assistance
range of compensation
experienced or first time GC

no criminal history

healthy pregnancies
etc

Once an agency finds a qualified surrogate then the following screening process starts:

Surrogate application review
Interview and education on the Surrogacy process

Make sure that Surrogate has had a pap and a physical in the last year including an infectious disease panel

Make sure that the surrogate has clearance from her OB stating that she is healthy enough to carry a pregnancy to term 
Request medical records from all of her OB's (this can include several states and OBs depending on how many children she has and how many states she has lived in)
Have a RN or other medical professional review all medical records
Run federal background checks on all parties and everyone living in the home that is over 18
Verify/review medical insurance or find insurance that is surrogacy friendly
Finding a reproductive mental health professional for the psychological evaluation for her and her husband/partner
Home assessment

The matching process begins and that includes the following:

Making sure the GC/surrogate is matched with someone that agrees with all she is looking for and the same with the IP (as close as possible)
sharing profiles
answering questions
if a no, then find another possible match
if a yes, set up a conference call
if a no, then find another possible match 
if a yes, set up a face to face meeting or a video conference call

if a no, start over
if a yes, move on to medical evaluation which includes the following:
*prepare match sheet
*sending medical records to the clinic
*making sure GC and partner know what to expect and that they will be reimbursed for time at clinic
*making phone calls on behalf of all parties to move things forward in a timely manner 
if medical evaluation goes well, group psychological consult
if a no, start at the beginning for no extra charge
arranging life and disability policies if not done already
if all goes well, start the contracts where the agency should help with the following:
*finding 2 qualified reproductive attorneys in the right areas for the match
*send over all agreements between IPs and GC/surrogate on termination, selective reduction, compensation, expectations,etc.
* assist in setting up the escrow account for the GC/surrogate and telling the IP how much needs to be deposited and when (also in the contract)

When contracts are signed and escrow is funded, it's on the medical team at the IP's clinic to assist Gestational Carrier and IP as they get ready for transfer day-the agency is there to do the following:

support all parties as they get ready for transfer
encourage GC through her meds and answer questions and trouble shoot any problems
being available to IP and GC as transfer takes place along with the 2 week wait
often agencies send transfer packages out to GC and answer logistic questions

After transfer agency's are still supporting their IP and GC throughout the beta and confirmation of pregnancy
if no pregnancy, then start over at transfer (and continue to do that until pregnancy is achieved)
if pregnancy is never achieved, agency will rematch IP if desired and usually will start at the beginning

If there IS a pregnancy then agency is responsible for the following:

supporting all parties through their time at the clinic
assisting with a smooth transition from clinic to OB
supporting all parties throughout pregnancy which can include:
*encouraging the relationship between GC and IP to grow 
*attending appointments if IPs can't and if GC needs support
*making sure that bills are being paid on time or reimbursements are given in a timely manner (in communication with escrow company if needed)
*communicating with GC and IPs as needed via text, call, email or in person
*reminding everyone along the way of things that should be done and when such as hospital tours, talking with hospital social workers, checking escrow balance, support for bed rest or other issues 
*making sure GC is getting the attention she wants and needs, not micromanaging relationships
*bringing in mental health professional when needed
*being available if there is a miscarriage, still birth, or other emergency, giving advice and added support

At the end of the pregnancy, agency's are often at the birth or visit in the hospital and doing the following:

making sure the bills continued to be paid via the escrow,

reminding parties to send bills into insurance companies
GC/surrogate is recuperating well from labor and delivery
GC/surrogate is adjusting well to home life
IPs are adjusting well to baby and parenting offering advice and support as needed
continuing to support for the next few months as everyone gets back into their new normal

I might have left some steps out but the point is that agencies earn their pay and in most cases its under 2K per month. As most experienced IPs and GC's know, the entire process from start to finish can be 15-18 months and sometimes longer depending on how many transfers and delays take place. I work with Independent matches (IP's found own GC) and ALSO do most of these steps with the exception of matching. IPs and GC are more hands on when working with a consultant but it's less overwhelming and less cost. Only if you have the time or the experience would it be a good idea to go out on your own. This is a journey with, sometimes, overwhelming emotional reactions and it's always a good idea to have outside support from an expert. 

 

If you would like to know more, feel free to contact me for a free consultation at [email protected] 

 

 

32 Experts Share Their Number One Tip for Intended Parents Turning to Egg Donation From MySurrogateMom.com

There are so many myths and fantasies surrounding egg donation that you probably know only a few actual facts about the egg donation process.

With its ups and downs, finding the right egg donor can be an emotional roller coaster, but it is a major milestone on the road to creating your family. You need to be ready for the challenges and prepare yourself with some basic information. This is essential for saving time, frustration, and money.

In our latest article, “Tips for Egg Donors,” we collected the best advice for women considering the egg donation process. Now we have asked 32 experts to share their number one tip for intended parents turning to egg donation. 

In this article, you will find the experts’ best tips to help you on this journey and debunk some of those myths and fantasies. Click HERE to read all the tips and advise to help you on your egg donation journey from trusted experts in the field of third party family building!

Gestational Surrogacy and the Medical Protocol (AKA SHOTS) By "Sassy Surrogate" of Colorado Surrogacy

Dear Sassy,
If I become a Gestational Carrier do I have to give myself shots? Why?!? – Concerned about needles.

Dear Concerned,
I know this seems terrifying, and even a little crazy! When I was a gestational carrier I actually gave myself every shot (I may be even a little crazier than most ;-)) but many people have their partner, or a friend give them to them! Honestly, it is really more mental than physical, and once you have a system or routine in place it becomes easier, especially if you remember the goal – baby! So, yes shots are a possibility. There are a few clinics that do the medication cycle without injections, although I would expect to have shots as part of your routine and be pleasantly surprised if you don’t.

Typically, a clinic starts with Lupron (Leuprolide Acetate), a subcutaneous injection that suppresses the ovulation cycle of the Gestational Carrier before transfer. Lupron is administered with a small needle and pretty easy to do since your body has lots of subcutaneous injection sites. The time frame for these shots is typically fairly short, too. The other injection, Progesterone in Oil, is an intramuscular shot that is used to thicken the lining of the uterus and prepare it for embryo implantation. This shot is definitely more difficult and can hurt more because it is intramuscular and there are only a few places this can be administered. This is the shot that is scariest to most, the needle is larger and the pace to administer the medication is slower because of the oil the progesterone is in. The other not so fun part is because there are few places on the body this can be given and as it’s likely you’ll have to do this daily for 10-14 weeks, those sites can become sore. There are all sorts of tips on how to deal with this soreness and the possible resulting knots. Mine are massage the area right after the shot, use a heating pad (I used a portable battery one so I could even heat on the go!), and try to move afterwards to keep the muscle moving. These shots may not be fun but they are important to the process. The medication is meant to prepare your body for the embryo transfer and simulate the hormones your body would produce naturally. If you are wondering more about how these shots are administered http://www.freedommedteach.com/eng/ does a great job showing the process. Always follow your clinic’s instructions on how to administer your medications. As a Gestational Carrier, shots are most likely in your future - Totally worth it!

Dear Sassy,
Ok so there are shots, what other kinds of medications should I expect? What’s the worst part? – Not looking forward to this part

Dear Looking Forward,
Surrogacy is hugely fulfilling, and the journey really is positively amazing. One of the worst parts is the medications, especially the shots. Other kinds of medications you could expect are birth control pills, estrogen patches, oral tablets, vaginal creams, steroids, antibiotics, aspirin, CoQ10, prenatal vitamins and DHA. This is not an all-inclusive list and each clinic or Reproductive Endocrinologist has their own “cocktail” of medications that they use. The medications, kind, and amount also depend on your body and how it responds to the medication in order to make the best environment for the little embryo(s). Typically, medications are started 3-4 weeks before transfer and weaning off of them begins week 10 of the pregnancy, depending on your clinic, doctor, and body. It can be a lot to manage on pregnancy brain, but you can do it!

Colorado Surrogacy [www.coloradosurro.com] loves to support gestational carriers of all types: Sassy, sensational and splendid. Their entire team [https://www.coloradosurro.com/meet-the-staff] loves to provide support and encouragement through journeys of all types.

"Sassy Surrogate" from Colorado Surrogacy Answers Your Questions About Medical Qualifications

Dear Sassy Surrogate

Hi Readers! I’ve received a lot of questions recently from surrogates who are frustrated when they get turned down by a fertility clinic or by an agency for a health issue that doesn’t seem that serious. I really empathize with you. It’s so hard to put yourself out there to do this beautiful, selfless thing for someone else and then be turned down for something outside of your control. It can feel like an unfair judgment on your health or life. But keep in mind that agencies typically only accept a small percentage of candidates, and fertility clinics accept an even smaller percentage. For them it’s about giving intended parents the absolute best chance for a good outcome, so being really picky is part of the process. Your desire to do this for someone else remains beautiful and inspiring, but it might take some time to find the right fit of clinic/agency/IP. Here are a couple of questions on this topic I’ve received recently. Take heart, and keep those questions coming! - Sassy

Dear Sassy: I had a boyfriend 15 years ago who gave me genital warts. I haven’t had a flare-up for 10 years, and my OB has said that it’s not an issue for me when being pregnant or delivering, unless I have a flare-up, and that I can take medications to help prevent a flare. But I’ve recently been denied by a fertility clinic for just that reason. What’s up with that? I am so eager to be a surrogate and I feel really upset about this. – Frustrated in Franktown

Dear Frustrated: That is really frustrating! I get it: a diagnosis of HSV-2 or genital warts isn’t fun, but it’s also not the end of the world. And your OB is right that it is generally very low risk when it comes to being pregnant and delivering. However, it’s also true that fertility clinics can be very strict about HSV-2 and will sometimes deny working with a surrogate who has it. This is because there is a (slight) risk of passing the disease on to a fetus in utero or during delivery. For this reason, some agencies won’t approve a candidate because it’s hard to get a clinic to approve the candidate. There are agencies and clinics that do accept candidates who have had HSV-2, as long as intended parents are aware of the risks. I really hear you. It feels terrible to be turned down by an agency or clinic for something that doesn’t seem like that big of a risk, and it can feel like a judgment. But it’s not at all a judgment call– fertility clinics, agencies and IPs are all working a risk game, and some will take bigger risks than others. HSV-2 isn’t that big of a risk in the scheme of things, and you may find a different clinic or agency that will be less stringent on this particular diagnosis.

Dear Sassy: I have 3 kids, great pregnancies and deliveries with all of them. But during my second pregnancy I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I never had a high blood sugar reading other than the days of the hour glucose tolerance tests, and I never took medication for it. I just ate well and stayed active (like I did with my other pregnancies). A friend of mine who wanted to be a surrogate was denied by an agency for having had gestational diabetes. Now I’m afraid I’ll be denied, but my OB had said it wasn’t a big deal, and that I probably didn’t actually have gestational diabetes. How I do move forward with my dream to become a carrier for another family? – Healthy and Dreaming

Dear HAD: One of the challenges about being a surrogate is that your health history (specifically your written health history, like medical records) is picked over with a fine-tooth comb, and things that wouldn’t normally be a big deal for your own pregnancy become a big deal for a surrogacy pregnancy. Some agencies and fertility clinics will work with surrogate candidates who had diet-controlled gestational diabetes, and some won’t because the risk is greater that you will text positive for gestational diabetes in future pregnancies. As it is impossible to prove that you didn’t have gestational diabetes (though it may be probably in your OB’s eyes), stricter fertility clinics may turn you down, and agencies that work with stricter fertility clinics may turn you down, too. When you start on your journey of finding an agency or self-matching, make sure everyone knows you had a gestational diabetes diagnosis. Some agencies may accept you and just not match you with IPs who are using a more strict clinic. Don’t be discouraged! There is still the chance to find the perfect family to work with. It just might take a little more effort to find the right agency and fertility clinic.

Colorado Surrogacy [www.coloradosurro.com] loves to support gestational carriers of all types: Sassy, sensational and splendid. Their entire team [https://www.coloradosurro.com/meet-the-staff] loves to provide support and encouragement through journeys of all types.

Explaining the Relationship Between a Surrogate and the Baby She Carries by Guest Blogger "Sassy Surrogate" of Colorado Surrogacy

Dear Sassy Surrogate,
How would you explain the relationship with the surrogate and the surrobaby? I know I am helping create this life to make another family, but how is it different than with my own children? What was your experience? Thank you!

Sincerely, Looking for Insight

Dear Looking,
Here is a peek into my journey and relationship with the surrobaby…
Growing up my dream was never to get married and be a mom, but as I got older and I had more life experiences my dreams changed. I grew up knowing that my sister, who I loved more than anything, would probably never be able to carry her own children, so even before I had my own, I knew I would want to make that dream come true for her if that was possible. (Knowing nothing about surrogacy, how that worked or even the possibilities). I eventually had my own children, with fairly easy pregnancies and births….long story short, during those life experiences I met a dear friend, who was now married, and trying to start a family of their own. The longing to have a child is a strong one, whether it starts as a young child or later in life. If you are able to be a surrogate, and help with that longing for someone else, well nothing is more amazing. Helping create a life, that might otherwise not be? Remarkable! It’s loving a life enough to sacrifice yourself and your family for a baby. A baby to create another family.

During the pregnancy you know this has been a long, sought after thing. You want nothing more than to watch this life grow and flourish into a happy and healthy baby. There is a hope, not just for yourself and your family this time, but a hope for a miracle, a hope to make another’s dream come true. There is a love and a bond as you create this life, adding in the desire for the best for someone else. Watching your belly grow, as the dream grows, yes, there is a relationship with this being you are helping to create, wanting the very best for this baby and their family. Anxiously awaiting every test, every ultrasound in hopes that the dream becomes reality. Feeling the baby move, talking to her, being extra cautious about every decision to try to control the uncontrollable gift of life. This is not to diminish the relationship with your own children in the womb, because that is amazing too, but carrying for someone else is a different feeling of special. Now you are adding another dimension in that relationship, more people, more experiences, more love!

Once the baby is born – it’s the greatest gift ever! You love that baby like as if it were your own, yet knew that you were doing this to create another family all along. It’s akin to meeting a niece of nephew. To see the looks on the parents faces...the joy, the tears, the happiness, the amazement and the gratefulness! You want the best for that child, as if it were your own family, but the details are for their family to work out.
For weeks after the surrobaby was born I would remind myself, especially because I couldn’t physically feel her move anymore or see her in person, that she was ok and with a great family. It helps me that to be able to see pictures of her regularly and watch her grow. I know that is not the case for every surrogacy journey, but I know the feelings of trust for the dream and the love for that family you helped remain the same.

Each journey has its ups and downs, remembering during the whole process the innocence of life and the hope of a baby is the dream, the goal, the reason for the sacrifice regardless of the adult relationships. This baby is special, it is the reason for the process.

Colorado Surrogacy [www.coloradosurro.com] loves to support gestational carriers of all types: Sassy, sensational and splendid. Their entire team [https://www.coloradosurro.com/meet-the-staff] loves to provide support and encouragement through journeys of all types.

Six Things to Keep in Mind when Becoming a Surrogate Mother Guest Post by David Bull of MySurrogateMom.com

Surrogacy is a generous and selfless act. Women choose to become surrogates because they want to give the gift of life to another family and, of course, because they want to enjoy the experience and be the best surrogate they can be! You have decided to give a priceless gift to those who cannot start a family on their own. However, this process does not come without some challenges. Even though every surrogacy journey is different, here are six things to keep in mind when becoming a surrogate.

1. Educate Yourself
Educating yourself is one of the most important phases for having a positive surrogacy journey. When you decide to become a surrogate, many aspects need to be taken into consideration. The first step is to learn as much as possible about the process to be ready for what is to come. In this early stage of the process, it may be wise to speak to a counselor to ensure you are ready to cope with the challenges related to the surrogacy process.

2. Take Good Care of Yourself
A healthy surrogate equals a healthy baby, so taking care of yourself while pregnant is vital to have a successful surrogacy journey. There are many resources online where you can find advice to keep you in shape during your pregnancy. Your doctors and surrogacy specialist can also provide you with additional information and good practices that will help you during your pregnancy. Remember, your emotional well-being is as important as your physical health throughout the pregnancy. Don’t neglect it.

3. Seek Out Surrogacy Professionals
Whether you want to follow an independent surrogacy journey or work with an agency, you will need to have an attorney specializing in surrogacy. Be sure that you choose a reputable surrogacy professional. The chosen professional must be there to be a resource for information and support.

4. Maintain Open Communication with Your Intended Parents
Don’t forget that open communication is vital in a surrogacy journey. Try to keep your intended parents as involved as you are comfortable with. The more communication and moments you can share throughout the surrogacy process with your IPs, the stronger your relationship and the better the journey will be.
It depends on each relationship, but you could try to share how you feel, talk openly about the challenges you are facing (e.g., morning sickness), or provide frequent updates, to name a few examples. You could invite them to the doctor appointments.  Don’t be overwhelmed. You don’t need to share everything. Only share what your comfortable sharing.

5. Document Your Journey
This journey will be life-changing for you and your intended parents. It can be worth it to document the journey for you and your family to remember it in the future. There are several options for documenting your surrogacy journey—from taking pictures during your pregnancy to capture life with your family to keeping a journal and taking notes.

6. Get Emotional Support
From getting matched with the intended parents to giving birth, the surrogacy journey can be emotionally draining. You will go through the side effects of the pregnancy while still attending your daily activities. Finding emotional support is particularly important considering that you are helping someone achieve their parenthood dream, and at the end of the journey, you’ll give the baby away. There are great surrogacy professionals out there that can help you, but you could also find a support group of surrogate mothers or even just one other surrogate to chat with. It can be helpful to share your feelings and problems with women who are or were on the same journey as you.

Wrapping Up
A big thank you for considering becoming a surrogate mother! This is probably one of the most generous acts a woman can do. Keep in mind the advice in the post to have a successful surrogacy journey! Please visit www.MySurrogateMom.com to learn more about the surrogacy process!

Sassy Talks About Altruistic Surrogacy - Guest Post By "Sassy Surrogate" of Colorado Surrogacy

Dear Sassy,
I have heard some countries, and even states with in the United States, only allow altruistic surrogacy. What does that mean?

Altruistic surrogacy means that the surrogate, whether traditional or gestational, will not receive any monetary compensation outside of reimbursement for expenses. In many places there are laws that prohibit compensation for a surrogate. For example, Canada has the Assisted Human Reproduction Act which makes it illegal to pay a surrogate for her services. Most places where compensating the surrogate is illegal will allow surrogacy only with the reimbursements of reasonable expenses directly related to the surrogacy pregnancy. Knowing what the laws say in your area, whether illegal all together or just illegal to compensate, is important. Please consult a lawyer and/or surrogacy agency to see what the laws say about where you live regarding altruistic or compensated surrogacy.

Dear Sassy,
If someone is wanting to be a surrogate, and it’s legal in their state or country to be compensated, why would someone choose to be a surrogate altruistically?

Yes, the money is appealing! However, I find that largest reason why someone chooses to become a surrogate originally has nothing to do with money. Surrogates are kind, generous, loving people who want to help someone else build their family and their dreams. How much the compensation could help their own family is a secondary thought. Some women become surrogates for a family member or close friend, and in those cases they often don’t request compensation, or at least significantly reduced compensation. The surrogate’s expenses related to the pregnancy are covered by the Intended Parents, whether the surrogacy is altruistic or compensated. It really depends on the surrogate. A decision to act altruistically or be compensated depends on the gestational carrier’s relationship with the Intended Parents, whether she chooses to go through an agency or not, and even on if she lives in a place where laws don’t allow her to be compensated. No matter what choice a gestational carrier makes, I can tell you from personal experience as a surrogate, being a gestational carrier is work. It takes time and energy, not only for a pregnancy, but also with the relationships of the others involved in the process with you, especially the Intended Parents. Being a Gestational Carrier is a wonderful gift that is priceless to many people who couldn’t otherwise have children of their own.

Colorado Surrogacy [www.coloradosurro.com] loves to support gestational carriers of all types: Sassy, sensational and splendid. Their entire team [https://www.coloradosurro.com/meet-the-staff] loves to provide support and encouragement through journeys of all types.

Dear Sassy, What Are the 3 Strangest Things You Have Seen in a Gestational Carrier Agreement? Guest Post by "Sassy Surrogate" and Colorado Surrogacy

Dear Sassy: I have been matched and cleared by the clinic but I am extremely nervous about moving to the legal agreement with the Intended Parents. Yes, I think they are great or I would not have chosen to be matched with them, however legal scares me. I am wanting to be prepared for the unexpected. What are the 3 strangest things you have seen in a Gestational Carrier Agreement? – Optimistic but Concerned

Dear O & C: I know we have all heard the horror stories of the controlling and demanding Intended Parents. Really most intended parents want what’s best for you and their baby. With that said, some things to expect, that may seem strange in a Gestational Carrier Agreement are limits on travel, handling rodents, reptiles and poop, and extreme sports.

Intended Parents are very concerned about minimizing risks, especially if it is something you can control like travel. Air travel poses higher risk during pregnancy for things like blood clots. It is possible that IPs will want to limit air travel during the pregnancy or restrict it all together. Some of those risks apply to traveling in general and many parents may have reasons to limit that travel, like Zika. The main issue with travel during pregnancy comes down to the legal aspect of the parentage process. The law governing the parentage process is by state, so it is important where the baby is physically delivered. Travel after 24 weeks is typically limited to the state in which you live and the parentage order has been established.

Herbert the Hamster and his little friends, rodents and reptiles, are notorious for carrying diseases. Normally having pets around is fine, but in pregnancy those pets can cause much bigger problems. It’s best to be hands off Herbert and any other rodents during pregnancy. That means no cleaning cages, cleaning the litter box or anything else that would contain feces. Yes, you can still snuggle your cat, just pass on the duty of the litter box, and who doesn’t want to pass along that chore anyway.

While most of us are trying to put our socks on or just see our feet, there are some women who are able to still rock climb or ski! If you are a Gestational Carrier these are considered extreme sports and extreme risk to the pregnancy. Commonly Gestational Carrier Agreements will say that the Gestational Carrier is not allowed to scuba dive, skydive, jump on a pogo stick, ski, roller skate, rock climb, ice climb, white water raft, or hang glide. This does not mean you cannot exercise, you just need to stay in the moderate range and talk with the fertility clinic or your OB about what kind and how much is right for you.

Each situation is different and of course other things can be requested of the Gestational Carrier like eating only organic, not having vaccinations, or maybe something to do with a religious preference. Most importantly these are important to discuss and compromise if possible now, rather than having any surprises during the pregnancy. Yes, there are outliers that want outrageous things, most just want you and their baby to be happy and healthy, with a few special requests ;-)

Colorado Surrogacy [www.coloradosurro.com] loves to support gestational carriers of all types: Sassy, sensational and splendid. Their entire team [https://www.coloradosurro.com/meet-the-staff] loves to provide support and encouragement through journeys of all types.

Six Things to Keep in Mind when Becoming a Surrogate Mother a Guest Post by David Bull of My Surrogate Mom

Surrogacy is a generous and selfless act. Women choose to become surrogates because they want to give the gift of life to another family and, of course, because they want to enjoy the experience and be the best surrogate they can be!

You have decided to give a priceless gift to those who cannot start a family on their own. However, this process does not come without some challenges. Even though every surrogacy journey is different, here are six things to keep in mind when becoming a surrogate.

1. Educate Yourself
Educating yourself is one of the most important phases for having a positive surrogacy journey. When you decide to become a surrogate, many aspects need to be taken into consideration. The first step is to learn as much as possible about the process to be ready for what is to come.
In this early stage of the process, it may be wise to speak to a counselor to ensure you are ready to cope with the challenges related to the surrogacy process.

2. Take Good Care of Yourself
A healthy surrogate equals a healthy baby, so taking care of yourself while pregnant is vital to have a successful surrogacy journey. There are many resources online where you can find advice to keep you in shape during your pregnancy. Your doctors and surrogacy specialist can also provide you with additional information and good practices that will help you during your pregnancy. Remember, your emotional well-being is as important as your physical health throughout the pregnancy. Don’t neglect it.

3. Seek Out Surrogacy Professionals
Whether you want to follow an independent surrogacy journey or work with an agency, you will need to have an attorney specializing in surrogacy. Be sure that you choose a reputable surrogacy professional. The chosen professional must be there to be a resource for information and support.

4. Maintain Open Communication with Your Intended Parents
Don’t forget that open communication is vital in a surrogacy journey. Try to keep your intended parents as involved as you are comfortable with. The more communication and moments you can share throughout the surrogacy process with your IPs, the stronger your relationship and the better the journey will be.
It depends on each relationship, but you could try to share how you feel, talk openly about the challenges you are facing (e.g., morning sickness), or provide frequent updates, to name a few examples. You could invite them to the doctor appointments. Don’t be overwhelmed. You don’t need to share everything. Only share what your comfortable sharing.

5. Document Your Journey
This journey will be life-changing for you and your intended parents. It can be worth it to document the journey for you and your family to remember it in the future. There are several options for documenting your surrogacy journey—from taking pictures during your pregnancy to capture life with your family to keeping a journal and taking notes.

6. Get Emotional Support
From getting matched with the intended parents to giving birth, the surrogacy journey can be emotionally draining. You will go through the side effects of the pregnancy while still attending your daily activities. Finding emotional support is particularly important considering that you are helping someone achieve their parenthood dream, and at the end of the journey, you’ll give the baby away. There are great surrogacy professionals out there that can help you, but you could also find a support group of surrogate mothers or even just one other surrogate to chat with. It can be helpful to share your feelings and problems with women who are or were on the same journey as you.

Wrapping Up
A big thank you for considering becoming a surrogate mother! This is probably one of the most generous acts a woman can do. Keep in mind the advice in the post to have a successful surrogacy journey!

www.MySurrogateMom.com is the first independent surrogacy community in the US and Canada. Finding the right surrogate mother, egg donor, or intended parents is an extremely personal process. We have created this space to help you connect with your surrogacy soulmate. In our surrogacy community, we work to provide the tools and information needed to help match extraordinary surrogate mothers and selfless egg donors with prospective intended parents.

 

Surrogacy 101 Included in Top 10 Surrogacy Blog Contest for 2019

Thank you to everyone who took the time to vote for their favorite blogs! Surrogacy 101 took 7th place and I am happy and honored to be included in the top 10! If there is a topic you would like to see addressed in Surrogacy 101 just let me know! Many thanks to MySurrogateMom.com and David Bull for holding the contest and congratulations to my fellow participants! There are some great blogs out there offering a ton of information on surrogacy and other family building options. Click the link at the bottom of this post to see which blogs should be on your reading list!

 

The moment you understand that you will need the help of surrogacy to create the family you wish, so much can be scary and emotional. And when you start looking for information about surrogacy, you will realize that there are so many resources out there that it is natural to feel overwhelmed. Going through this by yourself can feel lonely at times, and that is normal. For this reason, we have decided to help you by researching the best surrogacy blogs and creating a list of the top ten surrogacy blogs for 2019!

 

These blogs were nominated by our readers, pre-selected based on content quality and how often they are updated, and finally ranked by your more than 3,000 votes in our contest, The Top Surrogacy Blog Awards 2019. We want to thank all of you for your participation in the process, from the initial nominations to the vote.

 

Before announcing the top 10 surrogacy blogs, remember that education is fundamental when pursuing surrogacy; the more you know, the better prepared you will be for what lies ahead. Research, read, learn, and ask!

 

And now click here for  the Ultimate List of Top Ten Surrogacy Blogs!

 

 

 

Looking for That Meaningful Gift to Represent the Unique Relationship Between a Surrogate and Her Intended Family: by Guest Blogger Louma El-Khoury Salloum Owner of Pokidots

The surrogacy journey can be a very draining one. It starts as a positive solution or an opportunity, but it carries with it a load of demands, from medical and legal requirements to psychological and financial responsibilities. The result of this wonderful and tumultuous journey is very much worth the temporary difficulties, though, and the connection that the surrogate and the intended parents end up developing is unlike any other and is one to be treasured forever.

When surrogates look for meaningful gifts for their intended families, the first things that come to mind are baby items to help the intended families in their new path as parents. But do generic gift baskets and baby bundles genuinely represent the true intimate nature of the relationship between the surrogates and their intended families?

How about a special gift that’s meaningful and that serves as a true link between all the parties, including the baby? I am talking about a keepsake—a piece of art that’s made with a birth blanket or one of the very first baby items used at the birth—to mark that special event and the precious relationship that made it happen.

At my Seattle studio, Pokidots!, I take sentimental baby items and make beautiful keepsakes that can be displayed in your home, and that tell the unique and wonderful journey of your family and your baby. A first blanket, a hospital hat, a coming-home outfit, or a favorite onesie become exceptional pieces of art made just for you.

These keepsakes tell stories of long years of infertility that ended with a miracle, stories of grandparents from the 1940s, sleepless nights and grateful days, and everything in between. Choose between 7 styles currently offered and further personalize your keepsake with a first name, an initial, or a short note. Once you send me the outfit or baby item with which you have chosen to have a keepsake made, it will only take a couple of weeks for you to receive it or have it delivered to your recipient.

Parents have described their keepsakes as “more than decorative art [but] treasured heirlooms to pass on” and “unique, wonderfully made pieces of art that are precious and personal to [their] family.” I love taking a small part in the stories of the families with whom I have worked by creating for them a keepsake they can cherish and pass on. The stories and the memories will live forever in these treasured pieces of art.

I would love to create something to capture your unique journey and connection as well. Contact me at [email protected] or visit www.pokidots.com to begin.

Louma El-Khoury Salloum

Artist & owner
www.pokidots.com
Instagram: @pokidots

Is Infertility Really That Common? Then Why Does No One Ever Talk About It? A Blog Post by "Sassy Surrogate" of Colorado Surrogacy

Dear Sassy Surrogate- I don’t know what to do!!! I have been trying to conceive for a very long time and can’t get pregnant. I want to be a mom so much. I hear people say that infertility is common but if that is true, why does no one ever talk about it? Is it my fault I can’t get pregnant? I feel so alone.

From - Sad and Alone

Dear Sad and Alone -

I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is true that “7.4 million women, or 11.9% of women, have ever received any infertility services in their lifetime. Approximately one-third of infertility is attributed to the female partner, one-third attributed to the male partner and one-third is caused by a combination of problems in both partners or, is unexplained.” https://resolve.org/infertility-101/what-is-infertility/fast-facts/ This is an issue that affects a high number of both men and women, yet so many people suffer in silence.

I struggled with infertility for over five years. We went through years of unsuccessfully “trying” to get pregnant on our own, over a year of attempting artificial insemination (IUI) and then years of IVF treatment until we were blessed with our daughter. I spent most of that time feeling ashamed and like a failure. I felt inadequate and that my inability to get pregnant meant that there was something wrong with me. I was too embarrassed to talk about it or tell anyone about the pain we were going through. I did not want people to feel sorry for me, yet I spent every day feeling sorry for myself. The grief and sadness were so intense that I isolated myself and felt even more alone. I felt as if I were the only one in the world going through these feelings and experiences. At that time, it felt like everyone around me and everywhere I went people were either pregnant or had a baby (and then getting pregnant again). I had a hard time being happy for friends and family who were having babies and even started resenting going to baby showers. I did not like the person I had become. These feelings added to my shame and isolation. Where was that 11.9% of women when I needed them? Why did I feel so alone when others were clearly also experiencing the same things? We blame ourselves and shame ourselves into isolation instead of reaching out and seeking the support we need.

Now I share my experiences and struggles with everyone. I reach out to anyone I hear might be dealing with any sort of infertility. I never want anyone else to feel alone and isolated like I did. I want them to feel supported and to know they are not the alone in their feelings, emotions and struggles. It is important to spread the word, to let others know it is okay to talk about, to let people know that opening up about infertility can feel good. The more openly people are able to discuss their struggles, the less alone people feel and the more others will feel okay to open up themselves. The more women (and men!) support others who are struggling with infertility, the less alone they will feel and the more they will understand that no matter what, it is not their fault, there is nothing to be ashamed of and that they are not a failure. We need to help stop the stigma that surrounds infertility and the best way we can put an end to it is by talking about it. The more people share their experiences the more they learn and the more people can use each other as resources.

Another important way to destigmatize infertility is to understand that infertility is a medical condition, and like many medical conditions, it is one that might require medical assistance and treatment. Making it a medical condition takes the personal blame and shame out of it and can make it easier to discuss and seek treatment. Science has made many advances and there are many alternatives to help couples seeking fertility treatment to get pregnant. For example, there are fertility drugs, IUI, donor sperm and donor egg, In vitro fertilization, Intracytoplasmic sperm injection, donor embryos, surrogacy and more. The opportunities for couples to become pregnant is so much higher than in past years. Let’s talk about it and share our experiences!

At the time I was experiencing infertility, I wished for a crystal ball. I needed to “know” that at some point I would be a mom, that my dream would come true. I did not mind (although unpleasant) the treatments, the appointments, the shots, etc. It was the unknown that was the most painful and difficult to bear. It is important to keep reminding yourself that you should not lose hope. You will find your path. Hopefully along the way you can seek support. The support is out there. Always remember you are not alone! The path to parenthood, whether IVF, surrogacy, egg/sperm donation, adoption, no longer matters once you hold your baby in your arms; the pain and uncertainty of the journey fades away and is replaced by a joy and love you never could have even imagined.
Colorado Surrogacy [www.coloradosurro.com] loves to support gestational carriers of all types: Sassy, sensational and splendid. Their entire team [https://www.coloradosurro.com/meet-the-staff] loves to provide support and encouragement through journeys of all types.

Surrogacy 101 Could Use YOUR Support! Please Take a Moment and VOTE!

A few weeks ago, www.MySurrogateMom.com launched a contest to help find the Top 10 Surrogacy Blogs. They received a large number of nominations, and today announced 30 finalists! It’s time to choose the winners and decide who will make the Top 10 Surrogacy Blogs.

Surrogacy 101 blog is one of the Top 30 Surrogacy Blogs and I truly am grateful for your nominations! So, one last request! Please vote for Surrogacy 101 by clinking HERE!! If you truly feel that this blog has given you some perspective on your surrogacy journey or answered some of your most pressing surrogacy questions then it has done its job. I also want to thank all of my guest bloggers! You all make this blog possible!! Thank you in advance for your votes! 

You can vote for as many blogs as you like but you can only vote once for each finalist. And remember, voting will close at midnight on Tuesday, April 30, 2019, so vote for your favorites now before it’s too late!

The Perspective of the Surrogate vs. the Intended Parent - Guest Post By Emily Dubin Field, MBA of Field Fertility

Starting your surrogacy journey, it’s really important that you try to put yourself in the shoes of the other (as best as you can). Most IPs have had a long, emotional, trying journey that then led them to surrogacy. Opposite to this, is a surrogate who can easily get pregnant, carried her own babies to full term and had uneventful and easy pregnancies. So, just understanding this basic perspective of where the other is starting from is extremely important.

As a former IP, I speak with prospective IPs all the time. Just as my husband and I felt, these IPs are overwhelmed, nervous, confused and emotional. Does this sound like you? If so, you are not alone! Surrogacy is all of these things. And, surrogacy is also beautiful and incredible.

I’ve found that when I explain the following two scenarios to a prospective IP, it really helps settle the IP and provide a needed perspective in starting the surrogacy journey.

1. One example scenario I will talk about is a scenario at an OB appointment. After the OB appointment, the OB says, “Everything looks good, Next time, I may want to check xyz, but all is good.”

The Surrogate hears, “All is good.”

The IP hears and feels, What’s wrong with the baby? What does the doctor want to check? Why is the doctor not checking it now?

The Surrogate is basing what she hears and feels from her own experiences with being pregnant. Reminder, surrogate’s bodies are made to have babies. Her own pregnancies with her children were uneventful. So, an OB saying “all is good” means to her, all IS good. Whereas, an IP most often had a tumultuous journey getting to this point. For me personally, nothing went right. Nothing worked. So, as an IP, if I heard the doctor say this, I would immediately react in a more panicked way. Both reactions are normal. Both reactions are based on personal experience. But, understanding these perspectives is really helpful to have the most open surrogacy experience with one another.

2. Another scenario I will mention to a prospective IP is the concern that many IPs have about the surrogate connecting with the baby and wanting the baby. I mention to the IPs that the surrogate’s perspective is this… She is fertile. She can have her own kids. If she wanted another, she would have one with her husband. She doesn’t want your baby… I get many “ah-ha” moments from prospective IPs when I mention this.

Note: I also always follow this by saying, that this is further reason for ensuring you have the best team of professionals around you -- Reputable agency who does an extensive, thorough screening of surrogates, background and criminal checks, education about surrogacy and the surrogacy journey; ongoing support to the surrogate throughout the entire surrogacy journey;  proper mental health screenings and ongoing support by Mental Health Professionals with surrogacy experience; Attorneys with surrogacy experience; Escrow Management company properly handling and administering the money; your own trusted Reproductive Endocrinologist. All of your team members have contact with your surrogate and ensuring that she is the right one for you and that you all have the best journey to your baby as possible.

Your team of professionals will also help you better understand each other’s perspectives. A surrogate wants to give you a healthy, beautiful, precious baby. She just comes from a very different personal experience and perspective than you, the IP. Surrogates’ also putting themselves in their IPs shoes is equally beneficial and important.

 

 

Emily Dubin Field, MBA runs Field Fertility with her husband Attorney Gregg Field. Emily runs business operations and Gregg does the legal work. Emily
and Gregg are parents thanks to IVF and surrogacy. Their miracle daughter is 4 years old. They remain very close with their surrogate and her family. Emily can be reached at [email protected]; www.fieldfertility.com

8 Things I Learned From Being a Gestational Carrier Guest Post By Suzie White from Colorado Surrogacy

Yeah.  I know. Eight does seem like a weird number, but 5 wasn’t enough and 10 seemed like too many.  I learned so much from being a surrogate that it’s hard to break it down into a few bullet points on a page, but I’ll give it a shot.  One piece that is missing is how this journey has changed my heart.  It’s impossible to put into words.   Just imagine that feeling when you saw your baby’s face for the very first time, and you heard them cry and counted all of the fingers and toes over and over.  It’s kind of like that, tied up with a bow and handed to someone else who has been waiting and hoping and praying for this gift. So let me put my tissues away and make my list.

1. I became even more grateful for the extraordinary gift of being able to have my own children.

We all recognize how fortunate we are to be able to carry our own children and create the family we’ve always dreamed of, but when you meet people who have been struggling with infertility for years, and all they want in the world is exactly what came to you so easily, incredibly humbling.  You wonder why you’re so lucky, and these people have to endure so much pain and sadness. If it’s possible, the process made me even more appreciative of my body’s ability to bring life into the world.

2. I am stronger than I thought I was.

So, this surrogacy process isn’t for the faint hearted.  The screening piece can be lengthy…medical records, psych and background checks…and the matching with intended parent(s) can be nerve wracking. You hope they’ll like you, and you hope you’ll like if you them.  Sharing your profile and reading about someone you might carry a child for can be fun if you relax and know that the right match will happen at the right time. I didn’t know I had it in me to get through all of that, and then here came the shots.  I had lists and calendars and bags of drugs. I felt like a pro and a pin cushion by the time embryo transfer time came around.  The babies hopped on board, and there were still more medications for weeks to come.  It’s a lot to stay on top of, but when you consider there’s a tiny life depending on you, a few shots are no big deal.

3. I wasn’t attached to the baby I was carrying like my own.

This is the question I was asked most often as a gestational carrier…Won’t you get attached to the baby?  Since I met the parents I would be carrying for a few months before I even became pregnant, we built a relationship, and I was so excited for them to have a baby, not me.  You know well ahead of time that this is not your child, so it’s a very different feeling. I knew the entire time that I was growing these babies for a very sweet couple who couldn’t wait for the arrival of their children.

4. My family and friends were an amazing support system.

I absolutely love my family and have the coolest friends ever.  Everyone was supportive and excited for us, but I had no idea how they would be cheering us on and offering to help out constantly. From my boss letting me take little break time naps to my ex-husband helping out with the kids, so I could rest and focus on my growing twin belly.

5. It was a life changing lesson in selflessness for my children.

The surrogacy process was a family affair in our house. It was always “we” are carrying these babies for someone else, not “I”. We worked together to grow them and the kids were all able to hold them and say goodbye at the hospital.  Then as a family, we rewarded ourselves with a trip to Disney World after the birth. My children, even as adults, are still proud of the part we played in helping another family.

6. It’s not a journey meant for everyone.

There are nay-sayers and negative Nancies in every crowd, and there will always be people who criticize surrogacy. The fact is that it’s an option when considering your options as far as starting a family. Every once in a while, someone had to throw in their two cents, even if it was narrow minded or uneducated.  It provided a great opportunity to share information about what a beautiful journey surrogacy is. I considered that this may occur before I even started the process, so I was prepared.  I think you find that the positive support so far outweighs the negative, it’s almost not worth mentioning.

7. It only takes that one moment to make it all worth it.

Let’s face it, pregnancy can be difficult sometimes, and by the end, you feel like a giant stuffed chair. When you see a brand new family that you helped to create, it’s an amazing feeling, and right then you can’t imagine not being part of such a beautiful moment.

8. It was a great way to help my family financially.

I feel like it was a great way to use a natural gift I had, along with my love of being pregnant to help raise my family well. As a single mom with a full time job, it worked out great. We were able to do some things that we wouldn’t have otherwise.

 

As I type this list, I have a really hard time remembering any negatives. We learned valuable life lessons and helped to bring the absolute joy of having a family to someone else. I wouldn’t change a thing.

 

Suzie White is a Intake Coordinator for Colorado Surrogacy [www.coloradosurro.com].  She has four grown children and has been both a traditional and gestational carrier.  She loves long walks in the Colorado foothills with her cat, Lincoln, in his adorable cat stroller.

Life Support; Does This Belong in Your Surrogacy Contract? By Sharon LaMothe of LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting

 

If you are wondering what Life Support Life support - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia has to do with surrogacy, you are not the first. I personally had never even thought of Life Support when volunteering to become a surrogate mother. Why would I, or anyone for that matter, even be thinking about such a dismal ending...when Life Support would be needed. Well...Intended Parents are thinking about it. (especially after investing well over $100,000+/- on IVF/Egg Donation/Surrogacy) The Attorney's are talking about it. All hospitals highly recommend that any patient that walks (or is wheeled) through their doors has a living will Advance health care directive - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia on file. Why? Because you, the carrier, could become brain dead through an accident while pregnant with someone else's baby and the decision to keep your body alive will be raised. (and argued, and debated, and discussed....)

 

A scenario needling Life Support might look like this: Suzy Surrogate is 5.5 months pregnant and is involved in a car accident. Although the baby seems unharmed Suzy is unresponsive and is put on Life Support. Suzy's family is torn and despondent. The Intended Parents are focused on their unborn child.... what should be done? Needless to say that if this long shot of a situation were brought up during the contract negations, when everyone was not in crisis mode, this horrifying nightmare might have some clear cut guidelines to follow (as stated in the contract). What the IP's wishes were, what time frame the surrogate would be on life support, who would pay for that same support if the insurance company/ hospital did not agree, what role would the surrogate's family play, what are the surrogates wishes, etc.

 

I have heard some complain that contracts are getting too long, however, it is best to make sure as many scenarios as possible are covered and that these hard conversations take place when everyone is calm, cool and collected and can make rational decisions in the best interested of everyone involved including the unborn baby. I suggest that you talk with your OBGYN and ask what would be done in such a case. Ask how long would a pregnant woman be able to sustain an unborn life on IV fluids. Talk to your partner and about what this would look like to the children and what closure would mean for your family. This is not a decision to make lightly. Research will give you the answers you are looking for. 

 

 

Sharon is the Owner of LaMothe Services, an Assisted Reproductive Business Solutions Company and Founder of LaMothe Surrogacy Consulting and is a Third Party Family Building Educator/Adviser with over 20 years of experience. Sharon is the author of Surrogacy Helps Make a Family Grow! a book for the children of gestational and traditional surrogates. She is a married mother of two located in the greater Seattle Washington area and a retired gestational Surrogate of 2 sets of twins.

 

 

Ohhhh I Love a Great Contest! Please Nominate YOUR Top Surrogacy Blogs!! Hosted by MySurrogateMom.com

(Of course I would love it if you would enter Surrogacy 101 as your blog choice!)

Just add your favorite surrogacy blog and let the games begin! It's a great way to share information and award the best 10 surrogacy blogs out there! ;-)

Today, we are announcing our contest to help us choose the top ten surrogacy blogs. Don’t miss your chance!

Who made you smile? Offered support and advice? Encouraged you to make a big change? Provided first-class surrogacy content? Share the love and help us identify the best surrogacy blogs.

On April 19, 2019, the MySurrogateMom team will pick 30 blogs for the finals. The winners of the competition (who will made our top ten surrogacy blog list) will be determined by a general vote. Voting will be available from April 19, 2019, to April 30, 2019. Follow to us on Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube, for the contest results!

Click here and Please Submit your Nomination!

Competition Rules

A blog is defined as a web page with dated entries.

The competition is open both to individual surrogacy bloggers and professional blogs operated by companies.

Nominations and votes are anonymous.

All nominations will be reviewed by the MySurrogateMom team and are subject to approval.

Winners will be chosen by the public.

E-mail addresses are required to vote.

Key Deadlines

Complete the form below to nominate a blog. Hurry up! Nominations will be accepted until April 18, 2019.

On April 19, 2019, the MySurrogateMom team will pick 30 blogs for the finals. The winners of the competition (who will made our top ten surrogacy blog list) will be determined by a general vote. Voting will be available from April 19, 2019, to April 30, 2019.

Follow to us on Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube, for the contest results!

The MySurrogateMom Awards is a non-profit project to award the best surrogacy blogs. If you have questions about the contest, please contact us.

 

Navigating Judgement for Being a Surrogate: Guest Post by "Sassy Surrogate" and Colorado Surrogacy

 

 

Dear Sassy Surrogate,

How do you navigate the judgement of others when you want to become, or already are, a surrogate?  People can be mean and sometimes not aware that their comments can be hurtful.  I am wanting to help a family achieve their dreams, but am concerned with the misconceptions and perspectives of other people around me. 

Sincerely, Wanting to do the right thing

 

Dear Wanting,

Have you ever been judged negatively for giving an unusually thoughtful gift to someone? Perhaps for behaving in a selfless manner or for just being an overall generous and giving person? NO? So, then why would people judge a woman for being a gestational surrogate and providing someone with the greatest gift imaginable… the gift of parenthood?? But it does happen and there are ways to deal with, and understand, these negative reactions.

We all trust our doctors and it can be an even more difficult struggle when they have a negative opinion of our decisions. Women wanting to be gestational carriers have sometimes encountered situations in which their doctors do not support their decision to be a gestational carrier. In some cases, they may simply be trying to make sure you have all the appropriate information, have researched thoroughly and that you understand and are aware of the risks in being a gestational carrier. However, if the negative opinions are deeper and of a more personal nature, it might be important to find a healthcare provider who supports you and your decision. They play too important a role during your pregnancy to not feel supported.

Some people express concern about how your biological child/ren may be affected by your decision to be a gestational carrier. Our experience shows that children are very resilient, often more so than we, as adults, are. There are many age-appropriate books that discuss this issue that can be read together with your children to help them understand the process. It is also important to engage them in the process from the beginning so that they know that the child you will be carrying is not going to be their baby brother or sister. Being honest and willing to talk with them, even showing pictures of the IPs if you are able, helps everyone throughout the process. You can always request for your children to have counseling sessions during the pregnancy and even after the delivery, if you feel like they need additional help working through this process. You can be confident that you will be teaching them generosity, selflessness, modeling the gift of giving and living a truly altruistic life by your actions of providing the intended parents with the greatest gift in the world…. their very own baby.

Lack of support from close friends and family may be the most challenging hardship to deal with. Gestational carriers need to be able to depend on their support network during their pregnancy. However, it is unrealistic to think that no one in your life will have an opposing viewpoint. Some shaming might be a result of miscommunication, curiosity or misinformation. We encourage using that opportunity to educate them and share your reasons for becoming a gestational carrier but in the end being willing to agree to disagree. Another area of misunderstanding can stem from the lack of understanding of the difference between traditional surrogacy versus gestational surrogacy. They may be worried about the emotional impact your decision might have on you if they believe that you are biologically related to the baby you are carrying. This is easy to clarify. For those who continue to be less than enthusiastic about your choice, you may have to limit the time spent with them during your pregnancy or agree to focus your relationship on other topics during this time. All you can do is offer information and share your reasons for believing this is the right decision for you and your family. 

Everyone, including friends and family, is entitled to their opinion and, believe me, people will have them and don’t hesitate to express them. The important thing is that if you decide to be a gestational carrier you feel confident in your decision knowing that you are changing lives, building families, and playing a large role in helping dreams come true. Hopefully, in most cases, you will be celebrated rather than shamed.

Colorado Surrogacy[www.coloradosurro.com] loves to support gestational carriers of all types: Sassy, sensational and splendid.  Their entire team [https://www.coloradosurro.com/meet-the-staff] loves to provide support and encouragement through journeys of all types.

Selecting a Qualified Escrow Fund Management Provider for Your Surrogacy or Egg Donor Journey a Guest Post by Denise Steele of SeedTrust Escrow Services

Third-party fertility escrow cases are complex and parents invest a great deal throughout them. While deciding which escrow fund management company is right for you, inquire about the organization’s qualifications pertaining to third-party fertility. It’s your money and you have every right to know the level of expertise your provider has in the field. Security, transparency, and minimizing your risk are the main considerations when deciding which company is the most qualified to manage your investment throughout your journey.

How secure is my money, my data and my information?

The level of protection your escrow fund manager holds in bonds and insurance is the very first question you should address when considering your options. Ask for the dollar amounts for which the company is secured. Also, inquire about the provider’s technology security and encryption levels. If they offer an online platform, HIPAA compliance is paramount since personal information will be required when paying medical bills.

Is my ledger information fully transparent and in real-time?

Third-party journeys can take many months and even years. Payment requests come from many sources including your surrogate, agency, insurance providers, the fertility clinic, attorneys and other payees. Having access to your full ledger anytime you wish is not just a nice-to-have but a need-to-have. The transparency gives you the control you deserve throughout this process. 

Is it a good idea for my attorney or agency to hold my escrow?

Many agencies and attorneys are willing to hold escrow for their clients. There’s an inherent risk in them do so, however. If an escrow issue arises, only an independent and qualified escrow company can protect all of the parties in the relationship. The escrow company doesn’t draft the direct agreement; they are acting as a second set of eyes and adhere to what the parties agreed to in the contract. 

Have I chosen a fair and affordable provider?

Like anything else in third-party fertility, escrow fund pricing models vary. There’s a big difference in fund holding versus fund management. For surrogacy, fund management is where intended parents, surrogates and even agencies will receive the most protection. The ideal scenario is to work with an escrow provider that charges a 1-time fee, regardless if they are holding funds or managing your escrow. Ask the provider if they charge additional fees. Specifically, do they charge extra for rematches, cutting checks or wiring funds? Do they charge annual fees? Fully understand a provider’s pricing model before you agree to have it either hold or manage your escrow.

Partnering with an escrow fund management company that will protect you, your surrogate and your agency throughout the process will minimize everyone’s stress. Having the confidence that you’ve chosen the most qualified and transparent escrow fund management partner will allow you to focus on the details that matter most throughout your family building process.

 

Denise Steele

ART Escrow Consultant

Mom via Third-Party Fertility & Adoption

Mobile: 312-404-6604

www.SeedTrustEscrow.com

How to Build a Positive Relationship with Your Surrogate Guest Post by David Bull of MySurrogateMom.com

When you finally start your surrogacy journey with your surrogate, it will be a thrilling moment. After all the matching, initial medical and psychological evaluations, and legal requirements, you will all be ready to take this journey together.

This journey is an amazing but complicated one. When the process starts getting serious, some surrogates and intended parents realize that their relationship isn’t as what they thought it was. Like any other personal relationship, your relationship may have ups and downs. It is important to be aware of this turbulence and be flexible enough to make compromises that make everyone happy.

Remember that every intended parent-surrogate connection is different, but here is some general advice for making sure you build a healthy relationship based on open communication.

Communicate Your Expectations Openly and Sincerely

The most important ingredient in your surrogacy relationship is communication. The best way to keep open lines of communication between you and your surrogate is to be interested in her and her life.

Also, don’t forget to be honest about your expectations. Doing so will not only make sure you are happy during the surrogacy journey but also go a long way in building a positive connection with your surrogate.

Prepare a Schedule for Contact

Don’t be afraid to ask your surrogate how much and what kind of communication she would like to have and be clear about how much communication you want with her. This discussion can help you prearrange a schedule for contact that will help both parties maintain regular contact and reduce possible conflicts.

Be Flexible

Flexibility is another ingredient for building healthy relationships. Surrogacy is not a straight forward journey. Challenges will arise, and flexibility will be essential to overcome them.

Being willing to accept the surrogate’s smallest desires will mean a lot to her and have a positive effect on your relationship with her, so welcome them as a part of your surrogacy journey.

Respect Her Personal Space

Boundaries are a key part of any relationship, and the relationship with your surrogate is no different.

Intended parents must realize the surrogate’s body is her own, and she alone has to suffer the changes. She also has a personal life, a family, a job, and daily problems aside from the surrogacy process, and it’s important that you respect her personal space.

Take it slow, be sincere and authentic, maintain a balance, and have good boundaries.

Treat Your Surrogate as You Would Like to Be Treated

For the most part, the success of your relationship with the surrogate will depend on the empathy that you have for her situation. Creating mutual respect between you and the surrogate is a key ingredient to a successful surrogacy journey.

Final Thoughts

While the responsibility for your relationship will primarily be between you and your surrogate, remember that if you work with a surrogacy professional, they can help you mediate if any issues arise. A surrogacy specialist can professionally handle more sensitive issues that could arise in your relationship and non-confrontationally discuss each party’s commitments if your relationship starts to fall apart.

When you trust each other, maintain open communication, define appropriate boundaries, and bring flexibility to all of your expectations, you have put everything in place for creating a positive relationship with your surrogate. Who knows, maybe this relationship will end up creating lifelong friendships.

 

 

MySurrogateMom.com is the first independent surrogacy community in the US and Canada. Finding the right surrogate mother, egg donor, or intended parents is an extremely personal process. We have created this space to help you connect with your surrogacy soulmate. In our surrogacy community, we work to provide the tools and information needed to help match extraordinary surrogate mothers and selfless egg donors with prospective intended parents.

Rainbow Surrogacy-Navigating Surrogacy After Pregnancy Loss a Guest Post by Shoshannah Ingersoll of The Surrogacy Program

One of the most tip-toed around subjects when navigating surrogacy is coping with pregnancy loss. It is undoubtedly a painful and uncomfortable subject for so many people. This unspoken sorrow touches the lives of Intended Parents and Surrogates alike, and it is long past time to break the uncomfortable silence and have an honest conversation about this experience. Many Intended Parents choose surrogacy after having experienced devastating losses.  Likewise, Surrogates will have sometimes experienced loss themselves, or could experience it during the course of their surrogacy journeys. The pain of pregnancy loss is very real and persistent. It often colors the experience of the Intended Parents and Surrogates, adding to their anxiety as they go through the surrogacy process.

Getting to the Other Side of the Rainbow as a Team:

• Be a United Front: The loss impacts the Intended Parents and the Surrogate alike, being able to lean on each other will bring you closer together. This experience can be the one that divides the relationship between Intended Parents and their Surrogates, or it can be a unifying tragedy that brings them closer and deepens their resolve on their shared journey.

• Avoid Placing Blame: Despite doing all the right things, loss happens sometimes. It is an awful truth, and no amount of “what if” will undo the reality of the situation. Intended Parents may feel guilt for their Surrogate having to physically experience this, and the Surrogate may be feeling guilt that the pregnancy was not viable. It is hard enough without guilt being assigned. Instead take the time to feel the many feelings that come up, allow space for these feelings and find a safe space for processing these feelings whether it is with the agency, a friend, a therapist etc. 

• When Trying Again- Be Cautiously Optimistic: While you may all be feeling defeated and more nervous for the next attempt at pregnancy, it is important not to lose the hope and joy that is still there. Tomorrow’s events can’t take away the happiness you felt today, but if you don’t stop to feel that happiness the moment may pass you by. So celebrate every little milestone with at least cautious optimism, remember we are never without hope. 

• Celebrate the Sweet Victory in the End: Whether your journey has taken years, or what feels like a lifetime, when you finally reach the end of your journey and that beautiful rainbow baby has arrived it will be one of the most poignant moments of your lives. It is completely normal to feel a broad range of emotions from the greatest joy to the deepest sorrow. Intended Parents and Surrogates alike should be kind to themselves and one another at the completion of the journey, allowing room for all these emotions. Celebrate the miracle of the birth, and the beauty of all the perseverance that made it possible.

About the Author:

Shoshannah Ingersoll is the Surrogate Match Coordinator at The Surrogacy Program and a proud 3x Gestational Surrogate having delivered three rainbow babies. For more information please visit: https://www.eggdonation.com/becoming-a-surrogate/top-surrogacy-agency call 818-506-9300 or email [email protected] .

Photo Credit: Linger Photography: http://www.lingerphotography.com/

 

How to Create the Perfect Intended Parent Profile Guest Post by David Bull from MySurrogateMom.com

The matching phase is one of the most exciting times in your surrogacy journey, and creating your intended parent profile can be the most important step for finding the best surrogate match for you.

Your profile will be the first impression you make on a surrogate candidate, so it is a vital piece of your matching process.

A successful surrogacy journey depends on a good match and a solid relationship with the surrogate, so it is worth putting some work into the design of profile that is both authentic and appealing. By following these guidelines, you’ll be able to design a profile that will you find the perfect surrogate-intended parent connection.

Let’s start with the basic information. As you know, every surrogacy journey and every surrogate is unique. However, there is some basic information a good intended parent profile always includes:

• An introduction to you and your family
• What you do for a living
• Your hobbies (e.g., traveling, cooking, dancing, )
• Information about your home and community
• A personal letter to the potential surrogate
• Photos of your everyday life, including you, your family, your home, and your favorite activities
• Information you wish to include that makes your story unique

Having defined what information should be included, here are a few tips that can help you create a unique profile that shows who you are and what are you looking for.

Take Your Time

Slowing down is the best thing you can do before starting with your profile. Taking your time when designing your profile will let you create a complete vision of who you are.

Be Yourself

Whatever it is that makes you authentic, show it. It’s important to be honest about who you are, what you are looking for, and what type of relationship you are seeking. Don’t be afraid to be honest—it’s the best way to find a surrogate who is looking for a similar relationship as you.

Just focus on accurately representing yourself and your life, and you will find the perfect surrogate. Let your personality shine through.

Include Descriptive Information about Who You Are

Your profile needs to be designed as a way for a prospective surrogate to picture your family’s life and personality so that she can get an idea about whether you are a good fit for her. Therefore, it is important to include information and photos that show who you really are.

The more honest you are, the more likely it is that a surrogate will feel a connection with you.

Share Your Emotions

For many intended parents, surrogacy is an emotional journey toward parenthood. It is these emotions and feelings that inspire prospective surrogates to help families like you, so don’t shy away from them. Use your letter to express how much you appreciate her consideration.

Choose the Photos Carefully

When choosing your photos, make sure to pick photos that capture your personality and where your face is clearly visible. Don’t use old photos. If possible include some pictures with your family, your home, and your pets.

Review Your Profile

Constructive criticism is invaluable. If possible, ask a friend or family member to give you feedback. Also, do a spell check and a final edit. It’s worth making the extra effort to have a clean and polish profile!

Final Considerations

There is no “right” way to make an intended parent profile. Instead, follow these tips:

• Be yourself and do not over think it.
• Always be honest.
• Don’t forget to have fun when writing your profile.

Creating an intended parent profile is a thrilling opportunity to express all of your enthusiasm and desires for your surrogacy journey. By following the above suggestions, being honest, and enjoying the process, you will find the perfect match.

 

MySurrogateMom.com is the first independent surrogacy community in the US and Canada.Finding the right surrogate mother, egg donor, or intended parents is an extremely personal process. We have created this space to help you connect with your surrogacy soulmate. In our surrogacy community, we work to provide the tools and information needed to help match extraordinary surrogate mothers and selfless egg donors with prospective intended parents.